Original subtitles

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♪

(upbeat rock music)

- Bonjour, tout le monde,

welcome back to Questionable Call,

brought to you by Bro Dude Energy.

I'm your host Anik Archambault

alongside panellists Tessa Bonhomme, Jay "Onray"--

- Onrait! - And the man they call RA.

As we bring this episode to a close,

we thought we'd update the audience,

as well as our panel, on what's become a bit

of a fan favourite topic around here.

- Ah, Shoresy. - Shoresy!

- Shoresy? - Fuck you, Shoresy.

- Our boys had a busy few weeks up in the NOSHO.

- I don't doubt it, Anik.

- After losing 20 games, he publicly declared

that the team would never lose again. If they lose, they fold.

- So they folded? - The Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs

have won 3 straight, with one game remaining on the campaign.

- Two's a streak. - Hold on.

- Yeah, last time I checked, the Bulldogs weren't... garnished.

- The Blueberry Bulldogs? - You heard it here first.

- The Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs?

- Turn up your hearing aid, Jay.

- The Fruitcup Fox Terriers would sound tougher!

- Dingleberry Dachshunds.

- What did he do for the Ws? Bomb threat?

- Blackmail? - Steroids?

- Wouldn't put any of it past him.

- So, if they lose the final, the fold.

So what happens if they win?

- I think the question is, what happens if they never lose?

- They win a ship. - They're in a double-header

against first-place Soo Ste. Marie to run off the season,

and they beat 'em up pretty good in game one.

- The Soo, they're always so good.

- Oui, mademoiselle.

But the big story out of Sudbury,

is that they may have poked the bear.

- Don't poke the bear.

- The Soo are resting their big wheels for playoffs, but now,

the big wheels will play the season finale.

- Don't poke the bear. - Yeah, sometimes,

it's best to just let the big boy sleep.

- Yeah, no. They may be the Bluebally Bulldogs,

but they're still from Sudbury.

- Sudbury's as tough a town as you've ever been in.

- And, Sudbury's loaded up and won three straight.

- There's an impossible amount of good-looking girls in Sudbury.

- Hit the showers, Onrait. - Respectfully!

- So, who's the bear?

(upbeat music)

- Why are you looking at me like that?

- Like what? - Like it's the first time

you've ever seen me.

- Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

- You're so fucking cute, Sanguinet.

- Thanks.

- You know, I remember the first time I saw you.

Do you?

(electronic dance music)

(Hitch): Well if we loses the game, we loses the team.

There's nothin' you can do's about it, no b'y.

It's all got to be.

(whistle blows)

- Hey, we're leading the league now, eh bud?

- In what? Passes into the skates?

- Fuck you, Shoresy. - In what?

Clappies into the shin pads?

Hey, Cory, I hear the scouts are calling you

Mark Scheifele-Stempniak. - Fuck you.

- Do you have a tough friend here or something, Cor?

- We're in-- - Huh?

Like, do you know somebody here who's tough?

'Cause you're not. - We're first, idiot.

- What's more important is that you're continuing

to grow as a person. - First in the league.

- That's great, Cor, but did you know that Clearasil

removes dirt and oil from your pores

leaving your skin feeling smooth and refreshed?

- Undefeated in three, bud,

taking a page out of the Bulldogs' book.

- Well, look at you, Liam, you've put the cute in Accutane.

- You worried you poked the bear?

- Who's the bear? - The Soo is so good.

- The Soo poked the bear when they dressed a team

of call-ups against a team on a win streak.

- You weren't on a streak. - Two's a streak, you bozo.

- The second was a disqualification.

- Yeah, well, they don't ask how, they ask how many.

- Just cut the lip. - Yeah, cut the lip,

"pimplestiltskin", you'll get a break out.

- When are you changing your name to the White Grape Weimaraners?

- When you change your name to the Sudbury Blackhead...

Dermabrasions, you fucking pepperoni face.

(whistle blows)

- Your chirp game needs work. - Huh?

- You didn't chirp one guy last game, my man.

- Yeah, I did, what are you fucking talking about?

Why are you sitting right beside me?

- I mean-- - Huh?

- I mean, you didn't chirp

one guy on our team last night.

Decent result.

- Decent? - Big dub.

- Big W. - Real big W.

- Real big dub now. - All the boys firing.

- The useless played like...

- Useful. - Hm. Wouldn't go that far.

Your leg is touching my leg now.

- Positivity's the superior motivator, my man.

I think you're learning.

- Give your balls a tug, tit-fucker.

- He has a mouth on him. - No argument there.

- Is he still pushing up on you?

- The consistency's kind of charming.

- He can step on a landmine and talk himself out of it.

- I know you have a soft spot for him.

- I do.

- I love that photo.

- It's not just him.

It's hockey players. - Why?

- They take losing so personally.

They don't just accept blame for a loss, they claim it.

They take that burden off of their teammates.

"I fucked up, I cost us the game. I need to be better."

But when they win, it's never personal.

They never take credit. They never say "I."

They share it.

In other sports, it's, "Me, me, me."

But in hockey, it's "We".

It's a team. - You trying to write

the piece for me? (chuckling)

- They can be irritating at times, and... over the top.

But they're...

- Dumb? - Ugly?

- They're sluts.

But there's a humbleness there and a responsibility.

I respect it. - If it's a loss tonight,

will you take responsibility?

- If we lose, we fold. - Even if it's a packed barn?

- We do what we say we're gonna do.

- You already printed it, didn't you?

- Is that a problem?

(rap music)

- Whew! Smells like some of that pakalolo dank in here.

Ya got a dip?

Why are your fuckin'...

(faint moaning)

Who?

(Big Sexy): Tit fucker. - Big Sexy.

Who is it?

(moaning continues)

Hey, Frankie, I'm doing a Krispy Kreme run--

(screaming) - Tabarnak, Shoresy!

- Who is that?

- Is she pretty? - She's super fucking pretty.

- Is she hot? - She's super fucking hot.

A bit young, but--

- Yeah. (Big Sexy): Tit fucker.

- Big Sexy!

- It's not Laurence? - No.

- No. - How do you know?

- She doesn't have red hair. - No?!

- No. - What colour is her hair?

- Who fucking cares?

- You got a dip? - What?

- Got a dip? I need a dip. - It's in there.

- Fuck off. (knocking)

(Laurence): JJ? (Big Sexy): Tit fucker!

(hard knocking) (Laurence): JJ!

(Big Sexy): Tit fucker. - Big Sexy!

(knocking) (Laurence): Shoresy!

Goldy!

- Where's Goody?

(Laurence): And, the last one, whatever your fucking name is.

- B'y, she don't even know me name.

(Laurence): Um, Twelve Inch Cunt.

(chuckles) - Been called worse.

(Laurence): Just, open the door.

- Yeah, so.

- Where's JJ? (Big Sexy): Tit fucker!

- Who said that? - Big Sexy.

- Where's JJ?

- Tit fucker. - Go easy, Big Sex.

- Look, I know he's in there with Lysandre Nadeau, okay?

- What colour's her hair? - How do you know?

- Because her Range Ro-- - Huh?

- Because her Range Rover is parked out front.

- So dumb. - JJ!

(Big Sexy): Tit fucker!

- Big Sexual?

Goody, you got a dip? - Settle down.

(gasps)

- Laurence!

- You tell him to come get his Siamese cat,

because I'm leaving it outside my front door.

- Laurence!

- Fucking Frankie has a Siamese cat?

That's cultural appropriation.

Fucking loser.

(hockey organ music)

Need you lights fuckin' out tonight, Michaels.

- That's why they call me--

Fuck's sake, Shoresy. - Grab the Jims.

- You grab 'em. - You grab 'em.

- You grab 'em. - You grab 'em.

- Jim. - Yeah.

- Jim. - Hi.

- Jim. - Pretty good, Shoresy.

Wait, what'd you say? - Come here.

- Alright, Jim. - Yeah.

- Jim. - Hi.

- Jim. - Sup, Sanger?

What's going on, buddy?

- You guys have been huge for us,

helped us swing momentum,

change the course of the game.

You've been instrumental these past three dubs.

- And he means it, you've been critical, Jim.

- Yeah. - Jim.

- Thank you. - Jim.

- Thanks a lot, Shoresy. I really appreciate it.

- But the Soo are dressing their studs tonight.

Priority is to run 'em up, not fill 'em in.

So, I'll largely be parkin' ya.

- Yeah, so.

Jim.

- We know our role, boys.

- Jim? - Love our role, boys.

- Jim?

- When the boys need us, we'll be there.

- Fucking Jims are such fucking beauties.

All the time, they're so good...

Hold on a second, it's driving me fucking crazy.

Hey! What are you doing? - Whata y'at?

- Huh?

The bikes. - Settle down.

- The biking.

Yes, those bikes, quit it.

- I mean, we got three bikes and you don't want no bikin'?

- Well, I can barely hear the Jims.

It's turned into a bit of a fucking moment here.

Yeah, but the coach is talking.

And if the coach is talking, you shouldn't be biking.

- B'y, I've seen plenty a b'y bikin'

when the coaches is talkin'. - What?

- You ever bike BMX?

- I'm about done with the Jims

and I'm not gonna stand in the way of the boys biking.

Let's get the blood flowing, love to see it,

get your legs under ya. - Well...

Are they good for biking on? - She's pretty good bikin'.

- You like that bike too?

Are they all the same bike?

- Shoresy. One slut, two slut, three slut. Where's your fourth?

- Running late. - Why?

- 'Cause manatees move slow.

- He'll be here.

- He fucking better be, Sanguinet.

- GM wants to see you. - You too, Sanguinet.

- Schwinn makes a phenomenal bike.

- You haven't lost. - We'll never lose again.

- Don't count your chickens, slut.

- You've got bums in seats.

- More than an eighth full tonight?

- Approaching a quarter. - Oh, you know who'd love that?

- I got you something to mark the occasion.

- I'd give Sanger a blowie for a fresh dip right about now.

- Your new sweater. - Oh my God, what fucking

Sudbury exports hopped on board now?

We'll be the fucking...

fucking... Porchetta Puggles?

Are we the fucking Big Nickel Basenji's?

What, the fucking Peppi Panini Portuguese Podengos?

(groans)

(holding back tears)

- Told the boys you got the C back.

They love it.

- Congrats, cap.

But if you lose, we fold.

(Shoresy): Where the fuck is JJ?

- What happened to elephants move slow, my man?

- I said manatees. And if he chased her

all the way back to Quebec, that fucking sperm whale.

- Hey, Fish is ready.

He's paid the price for this team.

He plays his role and has done exactly what we asked of him.

And if JJ's not here-- - Well, go fucking tell him.

- You tell him.

- It's your fucking stupid idea, why don't you go tell him?

- I remember the days when players

listened to their coaches and--

- I remember when coaches had good ideas, Sanguinet.

Hey, Fish, you got a dip? - Nope.

- That's going great. You're playing with me and Goody.

- Why? - Who fucking cares?!

- Shoresy! - Just till JJ gets here.

- Where's JJ? - Oh, we can't find him

right now which is a bit embarrassing 'cause he's big as the moon, but...

Yeah, so...

Noticed you sacrificing your body for the boys out there.

Paying the price.

It's almost like you love winning.

- No. I hate losing.

(Sanguinet): Fish, you ready? - Ready, Sanger!

- Good, 'cause you're goin'! (team cheers)

Goody, you ready? - Ready, Sanger.

- Good, 'cause you're going. (team cheers)

Hitch, you ready? - Yes, b'y.

- Good, 'cause you're goin'! (team cheers)

Dolo, you ready?

You're goin'! (team cheers)

And hey, boys,

captain of the Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs.

(applause)

Shoresy, you ready?!

- Give your balls a tug, tit fucker!

- You're fucking going! (team cheers)

And Michaels.

Sorry I got a squeezy from your sweetie

off the side of a party island in Wasaga Beach, buddy.

- I think she was yours all along, buddy.

- You ready? - Always, Sanger.

- You're going! (team cheers)

Season finale, boys, let's run 'em up! Whew!

(suspenseful music)

(upbeat music)

(whistle blowing)

(crowd cheering)

(whistle blowing)

- These guys are so fucking good.

(whistle blowing)

- These guys are so fucking good.

(whistle blowing)

- Remy Nadeau.

(horn blaring)

- Fucking sorry, guys. - It's not your fault, Michaels,

we're letting 'em pepper ya'.

- Those guys are so fucking good.

- Holy fuck.

- Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

- Boys, you can't score goals if you don't shoot the puck.

Shoot the fucking puck!

(crowd cheering)

(whistle blowing)

(crowd exclaiming) (whistle blowing)

(whistle blowing)

(crowd cheering)

(whistle blowing)

Holy fuck, holy fuck.

(crowd cheering)

(whistle blowing)

(crowd boos)

- Fuck. - Fuck!

- Fuck!

- Give 'em the Jims? - What, so they can fight

and fucking go to the box, Sanger?

Fuck's sake. It's do or fucking die and we need goals.

And get the fucking door next time, you're fucking useless.

(whistle blowing)

(crowd booing)

(horn blaring)

- They poked the bear. - Poked the bear.

- Remy Nadeau.

- Don't poke the bear.

(groaning)

(vomiting)

(panting)

(toilet flushing)

- Where the fuck is Frankie? - Quebec. He's not coming.

- Ugh!

(indistinct chatter)

No!

(toilet flushing)

We're not beating the Soo tonight.

- The Soo are so fucking good.

- The Soo aren't that fucking good,

you just run into a hot goalie and--

- Michaels, you've stood on your head.

- Yeah, Michaels had more shots in two periods

than most guys get in two fucking games.

You're playing like, buddy...

Well, you're playing like...

(applause)

We can't just lose.

It's the last game in this barn, gotta win something.

It's the Bulldogs' last game in this barn.

We gotta give 'em a show.

So, boys...

Let's give 'em the fucking lumber.

- We're winning that physical battle, boys.

If you can't run 'em up...

If we can't run 'em up? (all): Fill 'em in.

- Boys, let's just give 'em the fucking lumber out there.

(chuckling)

One period to make their lives hell.

- Jims, they're not gonna wanna go, not worth the risk.

They've got playoffs up the road.

So your job is to score us a goal.

The rest of the boys are gonna make room

for you guys out there for a change

'cause you guys are scoring us

the last goal in Sudbury Bulldogs' history.

- Well, what do you think, Jim? - Yeah.

- Jim? - Yes.

- Jim? - Sounds good, Shoresy.

It should be fun. - Thanks, Jims.

- Boy, I fucking love winning.

Fucking hate losing more. Got a dip?

Hurry up, Fish!

The last game in this barn.

Let's give 'em a show, boys.

(soft piano music)

Let's give 'em the fucking lumber.

♪ He's uptight ♪

♪ He don't know nothing new ♪

♪ But he ain't cheap He just can't afford to ♪

♪ But she don't mind ♪

♪ He's a rare thing ♪

♪ Anything for you ♪

♪ Everyday just trying to get by ♪

♪ No time to cry No he can't afford to ♪

♪ And she waits, through everything ♪

♪ Anything for you ♪

♪ That's what you call ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ That's what you call True love ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ True love ♪

♪ Working late ♪

♪ 'Cause she never finished school ♪

♪ She ain't a fool She just didn't like it ♪

♪ Well he don't mind She's his everything ♪

♪ Anything for you ♪

♪ Every time She tries to fight ♪

♪ But she knows he's right She just didn't like to ♪

♪ And he waits Through everything ♪

♪ Anything for you ♪

♪ That's what you call True love ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ True love ♪

♪ That's what you call ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ She wants to know ♪

♪ Do you do you Do you want me ♪

♪ He wants to know ♪

♪ Do you do you Do you want me ♪

♪ She'd love to know ♪

♪ Do you do you Do you love me ♪

♪ He'd love to know ♪

♪ Do you do you Do you love me ♪

♪ She needs to know ♪

♪ Do you do you Do you need me ♪

♪ He needs to know ♪

♪ Do you do you Do you need me ♪

♪ Like I need you ♪

♪ It's what you call ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ It's what you call ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

♪ True love True love ♪

- Fuck you, Shoresy!

- For what? - What do you mean, for what?

- Huh? - You know the deal.

We had a deal.

And I do what I say I'm gonna do. Always have.

Alright, fuck, what do you want me to...

Those guys are so fucking good. They thumped us.

And you still think we can beat them?

How?

(Shoresy): Where the fuck is Frankie?

- Quebec. He's not coming. - Ugh.

- Shoresy, we've got a new plan for this period.

- We all plays like you out there, me son.

- What? - We're a full team of Shoresys.

- Real dirty.

- Let's get all the Goddamn boys running around.

Leave a mother-fucking impression.

- It's a bit late for making a fucking impression, boys,

there's no fucking room out there anyway.

- Hit 'em enough and they'll stop going where it gets it.

Chop 'em enough, and they'll stop going where you gets chopped.

Bet they gives us a lot more room out there next game.

- What are you talking about, next game?

Don't be a fucking idiot. - They've got a hot tender.

Let's let the league know your tender's hot,

we'll run 'em to the back of the fucking net.

- What are you fucking... It's too fucking late.

- For this game.

Let's get 'em in playoffs.

(Nat): If we lose, we fold. That was the deal.

- That's when you had one fucking guy on this team

who said we'd never lose again.

Now you got 16 of 'em over there in that dressing room.

You got a barn full of fans who can't wait to see it.

- You think we can beat them?

Those guys are so fucking good.

- But they won't be the same team after that period.

No fucking way. They wanted nothing to do with the Jims.

We'd have Frankie back next game.

- The Soo is so fucking good.

- But they do not like the lumber.

You know what you get in the playoffs.

- The lumber. - You get that high heat.

- Hell yeah. - Hell yeah, fuck yeah.

- Well, what are you gonna do differently?

- Me? - Oh my God.

- Huh? - You say the boys

are gonna play like you, but the chirping and the lumber

and the running around have always been your game.

So if I keep this team going,

how are you gonna raise your game?

What are you gonna do differently?

(upbeat music)

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