Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,020 --> 00:00:04,000
2
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:42,730
Oh, Inga.
3
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,840
Inga!
4
00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:47,980
Inga!!
5
00:00:48,330 --> 00:00:50,060
Bud, wake up!
6
00:00:50,610 --> 00:00:51,670
Huhm?
7
00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:53,260
Who's Inga?
8
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:54,820
Just someone I met
9
00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:58,050
at a party thrown by
a giraffe called Gerald.
10
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,290
She wanted me to fly
with her to Paris,
11
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:03,020
but she had a wooden head
and was afraid of forks.
12
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,000
There's no future in it.
13
00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:08,730
According to Freud's
lexicon of dream symbols,
14
00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:11,260
flying is supposed to be
a metaphor for sex.
15
00:01:11,260 --> 00:01:13,180
Absolute poppycock.
16
00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,630
I dream of
flying all the time!
17
00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:19,980
It's certainly nothing
to do with sex.
18
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,150
It's always the same dream.
19
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:25,620
I'm in a Boeing 727
that can't take off.
20
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,900
I'm sitting there with a tiny
bag of nuts I can't get open.
21
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,660
Then suddenly,
22
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,320
after one giant tug,
23
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,050
and much to
my embarrassment,
24
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:41,860
the whole bag explodes
over premium economy.
25
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:44,710
Now tell me -
26
00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:45,860
because I don't see it -
27
00:01:45,860 --> 00:01:49,110
how on Earth is that
anything to do with sex?
28
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,200
Sirs, I'm picking
up something
29
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,100
from the other side
of that asteroid field.
30
00:01:56,110 --> 00:01:57,940
It's a deep-space
explorer ship,
31
00:01:57,940 --> 00:02:00,140
and it's in BIG trouble!
32
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,050
Getting anythin'?
33
00:02:51,050 --> 00:02:52,060
The signal's weak.
34
00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:53,240
The magnetite
in the asteroids is
35
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,380
distorting everything
in the local vicinity.
36
00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:56,990
Try dropping frequencies.
37
00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,880
See if we can
circumnavigate the storm.
38
00:02:58,880 --> 00:02:59,950
Try dropping frequencies?
39
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,590
See if we can
circumnavigate the storm?
40
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:03,260
What are you talking about?!
41
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,020
Ah.
It worked, Sir!
42
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:07,910
Good call.
43
00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:10,550
Ident details coming in.
44
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,520
It's a Space Corps
deep-space scout ship
45
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,190
gravity antimatter
propulsion engine
46
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,080
state-of-the-art tech-
47
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,950
it's even got one of those
big captainy chairs
48
00:03:16,950 --> 00:03:19,090
with flip-across picnic tray.
49
00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:20,670
I'd kill for one of those.
50
00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:22,910
You could captain your way
through a space battle
51
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,930
and have a TV dinner
at the same time.
52
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:26,440
Through?
53
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,050
Coming through now, Sir.
54
00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:29,670
According to their manifest,
55
00:03:29,670 --> 00:03:31,060
the crew total is
56
00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,730
half.
57
00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,230
Half what?
58
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,640
I don't know, Sir.
59
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:05,640
Hey!
60
00:04:05,860 --> 00:04:08,660
Now it's saying the
total crew is one!
61
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:10,150
What the hell
is going on?
62
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,510
Ah.
Best guess:
63
00:04:11,510 --> 00:04:13,660
The Nautilus is
bio-printing its crew;
64
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:16,070
which was fashionable
in the 24th century,
65
00:04:16,070 --> 00:04:18,290
where unmanned ships
were sent into space
66
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,010
and only after
they encountered
67
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,870
a point of interest,
need, or danger
68
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,270
were the crew best
suited for the mission
69
00:04:23,270 --> 00:04:25,730
printed from the
bio library.
70
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:27,610
These dudes are
going to be human, right?
71
00:04:27,610 --> 00:04:29,040
Human-like.
72
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,680
They're created from
synthetic stem cells.
73
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,340
But like many movie stars,
74
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,790
they'll be incapable of having
children in the normal way.
75
00:04:37,470 --> 00:04:38,410
Also, their lifespan
76
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,520
will only last the length
of their mission.
77
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,520
In this case,
save the Nautilus.
78
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,540
Okay, okay.
79
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,580
We've got pictures
coming through.
80
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,090
This is Captain Edwin Herring
of the SS Nautilus.
81
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,430
Can you read me, over?
82
00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:52,510
Copy, Nautilus.
83
00:04:52,510 --> 00:04:54,640
But there's something wrong
with our video feed.
84
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,100
From our end,
you look like a hideous
85
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,220
19th century circus freak.
86
00:04:58,870 --> 00:04:59,690
Bud!
87
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:02,830
You look like you're wearing
a toupee made of face!
88
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:05,730
Yeah - one look at you
and even the Elephant Man
89
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,080
would want to jump
in his mum and dad's bed!
90
00:05:08,190 --> 00:05:10,590
Our bio-printer jammed.
It's faulty.
91
00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:12,850
My face has been printed
on the top of my head.
92
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:13,710
Any advice?
93
00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:14,560
Yeah.
94
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:15,890
Don't wear a hat!
95
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:17,660
What's my situation?
96
00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:19,460
Obviously, it's difficult to see.
97
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,870
It appears Sir,
your engines are burnt out.
98
00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:23,800
And you're drifting
into the heart
99
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,820
of a Class C
asteroid storm.
100
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:27,490
I'm carrying veranium.
101
00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:29,920
If the storm penetrates
my hull I'm done for,
102
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,880
and so is everything
in the local vicinity.
103
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,030
Can you help?
104
00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:36,010
Our two ships are separated
by the asteroid storm.
105
00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:37,640
We'll never get
'round it in time.
106
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:38,650
Are you sure?
107
00:05:38,650 --> 00:05:39,680
Of course we're sure.
108
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,110
It's as plain as
the nose on your head.
109
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,530
What about your
escape pods?
110
00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:45,670
Maybe use
one of those?
111
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,540
Too late.
They've escaped.
112
00:05:47,540 --> 00:05:48,590
That's what happens
when we put machines
113
00:05:48,590 --> 00:05:49,620
on artificial intelligence-
114
00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:50,960
They just look after
number one.
115
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,980
Perhaps you should print
some more of your crew, Sir.
116
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:53,990
Get assistance.
117
00:05:53,990 --> 00:05:57,140
I've just told you my bio-printer's
faulty, you cretin!
118
00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:59,460
My visuals are down-
What's your name crewman!?
119
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,330
Dave Lister, Sir.
120
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:04,150
Don't speak again Lister.
Understand?
121
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:04,930
Yes, Sir.
122
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:06,830
I'm done for,
aren't I?
123
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:09,150
Sirs, intel coming in.
124
00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:10,460
It's much as I figured.
125
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:12,090
The nearer the
Nautilus gets to us,
126
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:14,290
the more we, ourselves,
are in danger.
127
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:15,660
How'd you make
that one out?
128
00:06:15,660 --> 00:06:18,330
If the Nautilus is destroyed
in its present position,
129
00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:19,360
we're safe.
130
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,650
But when the Nautilus
enters the asteroid storm,
131
00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:22,930
The veranium goes up
132
00:06:22,930 --> 00:06:25,590
and the blast radius
nukes us, too.
133
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,120
We've only got
one option.
134
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,140
He just launched a
mining torpedo at him!
135
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:37,670
It's too late
to intercept!
136
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:39,150
Rimmer, what have you done?!
137
00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,280
I've just saved
all our necks.
138
00:06:40,290 --> 00:06:41,130
That's what I've done.
139
00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:42,210
It was the only option.
140
00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:44,040
Impact one minute
and counting.
141
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:44,940
You've got to tell him.
142
00:06:44,940 --> 00:06:46,770
You've got to tell Herring
what you've done!
143
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:48,570
What? Tell him I've
just nuked his ship?
144
00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:49,340
I'm not telling him that.
145
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:50,400
Why not?!
146
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,640
He won't like me.
147
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,330
I've been hit!!
148
00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:05,520
I'm spinning out!!
149
00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:10,340
That was the most
150
00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:12,420
insanely, brilliant, ballsiest
151
00:07:12,420 --> 00:07:15,000
tactical maneuver
I've ever witnessed!!
152
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,970
Who fired that missile?!
153
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,640
Me, Sir.
Arnold J. Rimmer.
154
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,550
You mean you
took off my wing
155
00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:25,360
knowing it would knock me
out of the asteroid storm?
156
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,120
That's genius, Rimmer!
157
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,010
They don't call me
"Old Iron Balls" for nothing, Sir.
158
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,740
I owe you my life, man!
159
00:07:34,140 --> 00:07:35,380
What's your rank?
160
00:07:35,430 --> 00:07:36,720
Second Tech, Sir.
161
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,250
Not any longer.
162
00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:40,230
I'm promoting you
163
00:07:40,230 --> 00:07:42,370
to officer, Rimmer!
164
00:07:43,170 --> 00:07:45,560
I'll send the authorization
through now.
165
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:47,720
I look forward
to meeting you.
166
00:07:47,830 --> 00:07:50,870
We'll head back to Red Dwarf Sir,
and then pick you up.
167
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,550
Officer Rimmer.
168
00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:55,260
After all these years!
169
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:56,900
Oh, yes!
170
00:07:57,650 --> 00:08:00,090
You are genuine, pedigree,
171
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,590
thoroughbred scum,
aren't you Rimmer.
172
00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:05,740
That's Officer Rimmer to you,
Private Nothing!
173
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:20,220
To do:
Ramscoop MOT
174
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,830
We're just eight hours from
Captain Herring's ship, Sir.
175
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:27,720
I also have the paperwork
confirming your promotion.
176
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:32,080
According to Protocol 712,
there'll need to be an accolade
177
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,240
so that you can be officially
accredited as an officer.
178
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:37,570
Mmmm,
Simple affair, Kryten.
179
00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:39,800
I don't want anything
too special.
180
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,870
We'll have it in the
Hall of Heroes.
181
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,680
Champagne,
canapes.
182
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,400
Maybe a very quick
six-guns salute.
183
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,300
Let's not get carried away.
184
00:08:48,430 --> 00:08:50,980
And then perhaps
a short tribute - to me.
185
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:52,000
No more than an hour.
186
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,120
And then I'll outline
my plans
187
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,040
to open a new officers' club
on D deck.
188
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,840
A new officers' club, Sir?
189
00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:02,920
Somewhere with an atmosphere
of understated luxury
190
00:09:02,930 --> 00:09:05,390
where officers can unwind
in their precious hours
191
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:07,670
away from the
grind of command.
192
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:08,510
Oh.
193
00:09:08,530 --> 00:09:09,580
So basically, Sir,
194
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,830
you're instigating
a class system.
195
00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:13,550
The "haves" me,
196
00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,560
The "have-nots" you lot.
197
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,650
One question, Sir.
198
00:09:17,650 --> 00:09:19,780
The fact that you've been
awarded officer-hood
199
00:09:19,780 --> 00:09:21,660
by an act of
gross deception -
200
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:24,070
does that in any way
take the sheen off it?
201
00:09:24,070 --> 00:09:25,470
Not really.
No.
202
00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:27,780
It's about getting there, Kryten.
203
00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:29,500
Not how you get there.
204
00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:31,370
I made love to a
beautiful woman
205
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,990
in her apartment
last night.
206
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:33,940
That's important.
207
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,600
How did you get there,
bike or bus -
208
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,700
Not important.
209
00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:46,780
Zero G Sports.
Where is it?
210
00:09:47,150 --> 00:09:49,830
We were up to match day 4.
Where is it gone?!
211
00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:53,520
Zero G Sports is an
officer only channel?!
212
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:57,380
Has Rimmer been smegging around
with our TV package?!
213
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,300
We've only got the
lame stations!
214
00:10:00,030 --> 00:10:02,910
Look at it:
24 Hour Knitting channel?!
215
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,270
The Hat channel?!
216
00:10:05,490 --> 00:10:07,340
Amish MTV!
217
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,830
We haven't got the totally,
unnecessarily
218
00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:12,130
massive, repeat sports
package anymore!
219
00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:13,030
Look at this!
220
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,520
Seven ID Seven,
Premier League Croquet
221
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,930
Eastbourne Ladies vs
Gloucester Girls.
222
00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:19,650
It's a grudge match!
223
00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:21,710
Gosh!
224
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:24,930
It's not too bad.
Hot dog?
225
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:28,610
Attention,
attention.
226
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:30,160
Officer Rimmer here.
227
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,170
We'll shortly be
approaching SS Nautilus
228
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:34,010
to welcome
Captain Herring.
229
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,460
Would all lower orders
230
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,760
please make their way
to B deck.
231
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,290
What the smeg's this?!
232
00:10:43,270 --> 00:10:44,670
Why has the
old service lift
233
00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:46,380
been turned to
the grunts lift?
234
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:47,830
So the rank and file
235
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:50,170
can travel between floors
with their own kind.
236
00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:52,090
Meantime, you use
the officers' lift
237
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:53,900
which we can't use
on account of the fact
238
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,480
that we're not "officery."
239
00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:58,280
It's one of the privileges
of rank, Third Technician.
240
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:04,040
Gentlemen,
241
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,140
I bid you a
temporary farewell.
242
00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,150
A towel, Sir.
243
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,680
Ah, thank you.
244
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,010
Facial mist for you, Sir.
245
00:11:19,730 --> 00:11:20,830
Lovely.
246
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,430
Complimentary executive
beverage for you, Sir.
247
00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:27,760
Most kind.
248
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,200
That'll be all.
249
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,110
Go along.
250
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:47,680
Floor?
251
00:11:48,410 --> 00:11:49,510
Floor?
252
00:11:49,530 --> 00:11:50,970
I said "floor."
253
00:11:50,970 --> 00:11:52,010
Landing Bay, please.
254
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:52,910
What?
255
00:11:53,430 --> 00:11:54,310
Landing Bay!
256
00:11:54,310 --> 00:11:56,840
Okay, keep your 'air on,
I'm not deaf, am I?
257
00:11:57,710 --> 00:12:00,830
Has he interfered with the lift
some how and made it ruder?
258
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,480
Have a wonderful
onward journey.
259
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,200
And we look forward to
going down with you again soon.
260
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,500
How enchanting.
261
00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,000
How hot was that lift?
262
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,230
My diodes are
almost cooked!
263
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,770
Hey, look at my hair!
264
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,140
I've lost volume,
height, bounce!
265
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:22,150
No way am I putting up
with this.
266
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,070
A problem, Private Zero?
267
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:27,180
Rimmer, if you think
for one minute...
268
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:30,520
Officers' Corridor?
What's this?!
269
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,330
Well Sir, the scutters
referbed the old tube tunnel.
270
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,570
See you at the end
of the corridor.
271
00:12:35,570 --> 00:12:37,010
Bon voyage!
272
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:44,960
His corridor has got
the best of everything!
273
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,160
Air con,
music?
274
00:12:47,990 --> 00:12:49,090
Look!
275
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,380
He doesn't even have to walk!
276
00:13:09,470 --> 00:13:11,680
Welcome aboard,
Captain Herring.
277
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,900
That's a hell of a
ceiling you've got, Rimmer.
278
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,870
The lattice work's stunning!
279
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,810
You're most kind, Sir.
280
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:21,250
Not massively important,
but this is our crew:
281
00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:22,930
Cat.
282
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,120
Ah.
283
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:24,990
Kryten.
284
00:13:24,990 --> 00:13:26,090
Uh-huh.
285
00:13:26,270 --> 00:13:28,340
And Third Technician, Lister.
286
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:31,000
Ahhh.
Is this Lister?
287
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,020
Ha-ha.
288
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:35,120
I can tell he's no good
just by feeling him.
289
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:37,040
I'm on to you, Lister.
290
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,480
Don't think I'm not.
291
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,840
Which reminds me, Rimmer,
292
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,880
I might have been a bit hasty
promoting you to officer.
293
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:47,190
I should have promoted you
to first lieutenant.
294
00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:48,390
And I have!
295
00:13:48,390 --> 00:13:49,800
Congratulations!
296
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,570
Thank you so much, Sir.
297
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,140
What's the situation with the Nautilus,
Flight Lieutenant?
298
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,740
Oh, that's me.
299
00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:59,210
Uhm, the scutters are
unloading your cargo, Sir.
300
00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:01,360
The ship's done for,
I'm afraid.
301
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,840
Well, the cargo's
safe at least.
302
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,660
That means my mission's up.
303
00:14:09,790 --> 00:14:12,120
How are we going
to get him demoted now?
304
00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:13,390
How, indeed.
305
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,880
Huhm.
306
00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:34,710
Yes, elegant.
Stylish.
307
00:14:34,710 --> 00:14:37,800
This'll suit me and my fellow officers
down to the ground, Kryten.
308
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,340
How are you coming along
with the bio-printer?
309
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:40,700
Ah.
I've repaired it, Sir.
310
00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:41,770
So soon?
How?
311
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,320
I gave it a good kicking!
312
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,990
I thought you didn't believe
in hitting machines.
313
00:14:46,990 --> 00:14:50,070
Oh, photocopies and printers
are an exception, Sir.
314
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:52,750
We're just waiting
for it to calibrate.
315
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,660
Good. And then we can start to
bio-print the Nautilus' crew?
316
00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:56,370
Indeed.
317
00:14:56,370 --> 00:14:57,370
Excellent.
318
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,720
I want to print out all those
who ranked below me,
319
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,960
regardless of job
or profession.
320
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,000
Shouldn't we speak
to Mr. Lister, Sir?
321
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,900
Kryten, bio-printing is an
officer-only privilege.
322
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:08,250
Decisions of
this magnitude
323
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:10,200
can't be left
to a lowly technician.
324
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:11,160
Uh, Sir.
325
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,660
Are you familiar
with the
326
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:15,160
Abraham Lincoln
quotation on power?
327
00:15:15,270 --> 00:15:16,630
Lincoln the president?
328
00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:18,260
He got assassinated
at the theater.
329
00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:19,270
Indeed.
330
00:15:19,270 --> 00:15:21,390
I've never been a fan
of the theater, Kryten.
331
00:15:21,590 --> 00:15:22,800
My mother
used to take me
332
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,720
and some of the most
excruciating hours
333
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,640
of my life have been
spent there.
334
00:15:26,670 --> 00:15:28,120
Sometimes the
greater tragedy is
335
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,500
going to the theater
and NOT getting shot.
336
00:15:31,210 --> 00:15:32,190
You were saying.
337
00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:33,610
Lincoln once said,
338
00:15:33,670 --> 00:15:35,970
If you want to test
a man's character,
339
00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:37,410
give him power.
340
00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:38,650
And Officer Rimmer
once said
341
00:15:38,650 --> 00:15:40,060
if you want to
feel my boot
342
00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:41,060
up your recharge socket,
343
00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:42,160
keep talking.
344
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:51,240
So we can print out
any of these people?
345
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,080
Yeah.
346
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,740
What about her?
347
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:55,970
A fitness ball lady
348
00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:57,540
in tight Lycra shorts.
349
00:15:58,060 --> 00:15:59,530
She can't demote anybody.
350
00:15:59,590 --> 00:16:00,560
So what if she can't?
351
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,200
I can see past that!
352
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:03,870
Sirs!
353
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:06,350
No! Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!
Go back! Go back! Go back!
354
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,700
That's you!!
355
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,340
That's me!
356
00:16:09,670 --> 00:16:10,840
How is that me?!
357
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,660
Your genome is in
the Nautilus' database?
358
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:14,590
D-what?
359
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:15,690
How?!
360
00:16:15,870 --> 00:16:16,980
Ah.
361
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:18,890
Ha.
362
00:16:19,860 --> 00:16:20,890
Ah.
363
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:22,180
Ha.
364
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,620
I think I might have
flogged it.
365
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,860
You flogged your genome?!
366
00:16:27,410 --> 00:16:28,920
Yeah, I was a kid
and my mate,
367
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,770
Dodgy offered me
100 dollar pounds
368
00:16:30,810 --> 00:16:32,780
and a half a packet
of fags for it.
369
00:16:32,870 --> 00:16:34,960
All you have to do is put
some saliva on a stick.
370
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,080
You sold the rights to
your unique haploid
371
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,680
set of chromosomes, Sir?
372
00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:41,640
You traded away the
map categorizing
373
00:16:41,650 --> 00:16:43,800
every detail of
your genetic make up
374
00:16:43,950 --> 00:16:48,250
for 100 dollar pounds
and half a packet of fags?!
375
00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:54,490
You think he should have
held out for a whole pack?
376
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,620
Sir, this means someone else
holds the copyright to you.
377
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:01,500
You don't own yourself!
378
00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:03,050
What, like every time
I take a leak,
379
00:17:03,050 --> 00:17:04,540
I'm handling
stolen goods?
380
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:07,770
Look, we're 3 million years
into the big black.
381
00:17:07,770 --> 00:17:09,700
No one's coming out here.
Who cares?!
382
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,940
Exactly.
We're coooool!
383
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:15,030
Sir, I don't think you appreciate
what you've done!
384
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,610
Thousands of
different companies
385
00:17:18,610 --> 00:17:21,820
have taken out a license
to produce yous.
386
00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:24,600
You're like writing software
that people can buy,
387
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:25,930
and then use as they like.
388
00:17:26,070 --> 00:17:27,740
What, and do what
they want with?
389
00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,130
Here's one.
390
00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:31,130
License 10 years.
391
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,750
3,000 Listers -
392
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:36,910
Sandex Communication Listers,
to be used in call centers.
393
00:17:39,510 --> 00:17:40,570
Do you mean all those
394
00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:43,240
smart-ass scousers in the
call centers are me?!
395
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,900
I've had those Johnnies-
396
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,160
They're a pain in the backside!
397
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,350
They know nothing
398
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:51,000
and they sound like they
don't want to be there.
399
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,970
They don't, Sir.
They're you!
400
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,800
What have you done, Bud?!
401
00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:58,370
So Rimmer is going to
use this machine
402
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,450
to produce people
who will obey him.
403
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:01,810
Never being born
404
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,130
has got to be better
than a life like that.
405
00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:06,280
We've got to wipe
the database, Kryten.
406
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,680
Delete it all.
Right now.
407
00:18:07,690 --> 00:18:09,020
I can't, Sir.
408
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,930
I have to print out a
new crew as instructed.
409
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,990
Now Mr. Rimmer's our
flight lieutenant,
410
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,540
I can't refuse his orders!
411
00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:17,680
Well I'll do it.
Just tell me what to do!
412
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,470
Sir!
413
00:18:18,470 --> 00:18:20,320
If you think I'm going to
414
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,530
select all these files
415
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:27,400
and then take my leave,
416
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,520
taking my leave,
417
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:32,140
so you can press
that button there,
418
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,340
you've got another
think coming!
419
00:18:41,890 --> 00:18:44,260
The entire database has
deleted itself?!
420
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,140
Check bio-printer.
421
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:48,510
This is going down on my
daily to-do list.
422
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:49,580
How?
423
00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:50,620
It's a mystery, Sir.
424
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:52,590
I bet Lister's behind this.
425
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,150
Isn't it possible
to print anyone?
426
00:18:54,150 --> 00:18:55,480
I need a crew to command!
427
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:56,820
Well, in theory it is possible
428
00:18:56,820 --> 00:19:00,180
to insert a piece of DNA
into the bio-printer
429
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,750
and have it produce a genome,
430
00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:03,190
but who would we print?!
431
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,800
My mind's on file
in the holosuite,
432
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,080
And my DNAs on all
my old belongings.
433
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:09,440
With the remaining bio-ink,
434
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,420
we could produce
50 versions of me.
435
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:12,770
Make them all officers,
436
00:19:12,770 --> 00:19:14,860
so as flight lieutenant
I'm over them,
437
00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:15,650
and then,
438
00:19:15,650 --> 00:19:18,950
we can have an officers' club
crammed full of Rimmers!
439
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:22,640
Sir, history tells us that
you and you is a very bad mix.
440
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,210
You and 50 yous
is beyond horrific!
441
00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:27,540
Not if I'm their
commanding officer.
442
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:29,270
Then they'll do
what I want.
443
00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:31,500
Move the bio-printer to
one of the junk rooms
444
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:32,810
and double security!
445
00:19:32,980 --> 00:19:35,910
Things are about to get
a whole lot more Rimmery!
446
00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:44,400
You what?
447
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,540
Officers' Club?
448
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,500
Evening.
Evening.
449
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:51,250
Evening.
Evening.
450
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,500
Evening
451
00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:53,570
Evening.
452
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:54,190
Evening.
453
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:55,280
Where they come from?
454
00:19:55,290 --> 00:19:57,020
He's bio-printing Rimmers!
455
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:59,120
We've got to kill that damn machine
before he prints any more!
456
00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:19,180
Ah, gentlemen - welcome.
Do you have a reservation?
457
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,230
Where's the bio-printer, Rimmer?
458
00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:23,670
Is it here,
'cause we're going in.
459
00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:26,780
I'm afraid I can't let you in
unless you're on the list.
460
00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:27,880
Let me see.
461
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:31,710
Stop screwin' around, Rimmer.
462
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,750
Have you moved
the bio-printer
463
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,540
to somewhere in the
Officers' Club?
464
00:20:35,540 --> 00:20:37,240
Sorry.
You don't appear to be here.
465
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,990
Rimmer. Party of two.
Eight thirty PM.
466
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,070
Come in.
467
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:42,220
How lovely
to see you again!
468
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:43,680
Nice to see you.
469
00:20:45,470 --> 00:20:47,100
How many did he print!?
470
00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:48,750
Rimmer party.
471
00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:50,510
Four?
Straight through.
472
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:52,700
Cloakroom's on the left.
Enjoy!
473
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,840
How many have you printed,
you Smeghead?!
474
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:58,130
You can't use
bio ink to print
475
00:20:58,130 --> 00:20:59,230
more Rims, Rimmer.
476
00:20:59,390 --> 00:21:02,760
Yeah. We need that ink
to print proper people!
477
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:04,670
Hey, what the hell is this?!
478
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,780
We're the Barbershop Quartet!
479
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:08,300
Any ID?
480
00:21:22,270 --> 00:21:24,690
Mr. Rimmer,
481
00:21:25,060 --> 00:21:27,350
We are what we seem,
482
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:31,360
The cutest quartet
that you've ever seen.
483
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:33,580
We've got four mouths,
484
00:21:33,580 --> 00:21:35,540
a duet times two,
485
00:21:36,490 --> 00:21:40,280
this barbershop quartet
is singing for you!
486
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,820
That,
is entertainment.
487
00:21:42,820 --> 00:21:44,040
In ya go.
488
00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:45,600
I've had enough of
this tossing about.
489
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:46,550
Come on, we're going in.
490
00:21:46,550 --> 00:21:47,700
I've got the cravat!
491
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:48,540
Hey!
492
00:21:48,730 --> 00:21:49,830
Hey.
493
00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:54,060
Ah.
Hot towel, Sir?
494
00:21:54,060 --> 00:21:54,770
Move!
495
00:21:54,770 --> 00:21:56,130
Facial spray?
496
00:21:56,210 --> 00:21:57,080
Enough!
497
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,440
They've barged their way
into the Officers' Club
498
00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,630
and I need some bouncers.
499
00:21:59,630 --> 00:22:01,590
Print four more mes
and make them huge,
500
00:22:01,590 --> 00:22:02,430
muscly and brave.
501
00:22:02,430 --> 00:22:03,580
Can the bio-printer do that?
502
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:04,320
In theory, Sir.
503
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,280
Complimentary
Executive Corridor beverage, Sir?
504
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,650
Don't start!
505
00:22:11,260 --> 00:22:12,990
Adjustments made, Sir.
506
00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:17,880
Why isn't it printing?
507
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,230
Well, the new settings need
extra time to calibrate, Sir.
508
00:22:21,380 --> 00:22:23,470
We'll just have to be
a little bit patient.
509
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,120
I have been patient!
510
00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:29,170
What's wrong with it -
the damn thing!
511
00:22:29,170 --> 00:22:30,270
Come on!!
512
00:22:32,710 --> 00:22:34,470
Come on, come on,
come on!
513
00:22:35,010 --> 00:22:36,110
Last.
514
00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:42,810
The first one's got stuck.
We need a midwife!
515
00:22:42,810 --> 00:22:44,980
We'll have to
do it ourselves!
516
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,230
Pull, Kryten!
517
00:22:49,230 --> 00:22:50,770
Pull me.
Pull!
518
00:23:02,050 --> 00:23:04,080
What the hell
is that thing?!
519
00:23:08,180 --> 00:23:09,280
Come on!!
520
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:47,260
Officer's lift on floor 15, Sir!
521
00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:49,230
We've got to take the grunts!
522
00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:53,370
Get me out of here, pronto!
523
00:23:53,370 --> 00:23:54,970
I'm busy, okay?
524
00:23:55,010 --> 00:23:56,310
Just close the doors!
525
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,000
There's a deranged
version of me out there!
526
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,770
There's one in here, too.
527
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:03,140
I'll take the stairs, Sir.
We've got to tell the others!
528
00:24:08,050 --> 00:24:09,790
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
529
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,920
Just close the doors, please!
530
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,240
Hold the lift!
531
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:15,340
Don't close!
Wait for me!
532
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,400
Officers quarters now!
533
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,950
Okay, keep your 'air on
I'm not deaf, am I?
534
00:24:28,490 --> 00:24:29,220
Right!
535
00:24:29,220 --> 00:24:31,050
I've rigged up
a monitor wirelessly
536
00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:32,620
from the CCTV footage.
537
00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:35,520
From this, we can see where
the Rimmer monster is
538
00:24:35,530 --> 00:24:36,960
and what it's doing.
539
00:24:39,810 --> 00:24:42,170
It's coming to the officers' deck!
540
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:50,260
Let me in!
541
00:24:50,260 --> 00:24:51,640
Are you on the list?
542
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,230
If you're name's not down,
you can't come in.
543
00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:54,250
Riffraff only.
544
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:55,470
I'm going to get absorbed!
545
00:24:55,470 --> 00:24:56,720
You're going to have to admit
you're a grunt.
546
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:57,600
Total grunt.
547
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,870
Your going to have to resign
your first lieutenant-ship.
548
00:24:59,870 --> 00:25:01,860
But I worked so hard for it!
549
00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:03,300
You did nothing!
550
00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:05,730
But I did it so well!!
551
00:25:07,910 --> 00:25:09,930
Okay, okay!
I resign!!
552
00:25:10,020 --> 00:25:11,930
Just let me in!
553
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:17,590
Stand back,
Technician 2.0
554
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,090
What is that thing?
555
00:25:22,090 --> 00:25:24,070
The human body is
built of cells.
556
00:25:24,070 --> 00:25:26,120
with specific
fixed rolls, Sir.
557
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:27,460
Stem cells,
on the other hand
558
00:25:27,460 --> 00:25:29,530
can become any other
type of cell.
559
00:25:29,650 --> 00:25:31,760
What, reprogrammable?
560
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,150
So when the
printer jammed
561
00:25:33,150 --> 00:25:35,610
and did a mash-up of all
the countless Rimmers,
562
00:25:35,610 --> 00:25:38,510
it didn't just combine the
sum of your parts physically,
563
00:25:38,510 --> 00:25:40,810
it amalgamated
all your faults.
564
00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:42,140
I've got faults?
565
00:25:42,550 --> 00:25:43,890
Your lust for power,
566
00:25:43,890 --> 00:25:45,980
your impatience,
your insecurity,
567
00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:48,350
your stupidity,
your greed,
568
00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:49,390
your arrogance,
569
00:25:49,390 --> 00:25:49,990
Yes - thank you, Kryten.
570
00:25:49,990 --> 00:25:51,590
and ordered
these stem cells
571
00:25:51,590 --> 00:25:54,540
to make a creature to
accommodate them all.
572
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:57,750
So how do we kill it?
573
00:25:57,750 --> 00:25:59,770
I have an idea, Sir.
574
00:25:59,770 --> 00:26:02,470
But it does involve
using you as bait.
575
00:26:03,430 --> 00:26:05,110
I love it already!
576
00:26:28,950 --> 00:26:30,960
We'll have to go the
long way around!
577
00:26:45,530 --> 00:26:46,810
We can't shoot!
578
00:26:46,810 --> 00:26:48,840
We might take out
Mr. Rimmer!
579
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,690
And the downside
of that is...?
580
00:26:51,830 --> 00:26:52,930
I've got it.
Hey!
581
00:26:53,170 --> 00:26:54,160
What are you doing?
582
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,850
We are going to absorb
the final Rimmer.
583
00:26:56,850 --> 00:26:57,740
Oh aye.
584
00:26:57,740 --> 00:26:58,990
Then what you
going to do?
585
00:26:58,990 --> 00:27:00,620
We haven't decided yet.
586
00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:03,030
What?
Do you not make a to-do list?
587
00:27:03,030 --> 00:27:05,400
We need to make
a to-do list?
588
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,230
You should always
make a to-do list!
589
00:27:08,250 --> 00:27:10,060
Have you got a pen?
590
00:27:10,070 --> 00:27:12,160
We always have a pen.
591
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,870
Well then,
write that list.
592
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,880
Oh, and don't forget
to put the last thing
593
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,200
you're going to be doing
on that list.
594
00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:27,440
What's that?
595
00:27:27,570 --> 00:27:29,640
Dying!!
40739
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof