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1
00:00:00,370 --> 00:00:04,970
2
00:00:51,690 --> 00:00:53,410
Lift coming, Sir.
3
00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:55,870
Come on,
Come on!
4
00:00:55,870 --> 00:00:58,030
Why are you always so slow?!
5
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,800
I've seen snails with clubbed feet
travel faster than you.
6
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,230
The French Army after
lunch move quicker!
7
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,830
Not long now, Sir.
8
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,230
I'm picking up
several strange
9
00:01:06,230 --> 00:01:08,160
energy signatures
on B deck.
10
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,010
I need a lift pronto to
check them out.
11
00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:11,680
Just a drop-off on
the living quarters
12
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:13,260
and I'll be with you
in a flash, Sir.
13
00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:14,150
Will you really?
14
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:16,450
Or will you really be
a really long time?
15
00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,360
A really long time, Sir.
16
00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:20,660
So why not tell me that
in the first place then?
17
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,740
I didn't want to
lose your custom.
18
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:24,590
Who can you lose
my custom to?
19
00:01:24,590 --> 00:01:25,840
Our main rival, Sir-
20
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,390
the stairs.
21
00:01:28,850 --> 00:01:30,660
They've been doing
really well this year.
22
00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:31,690
Where are you now?
23
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,420
I've completed the drop-off
at the living quarter's deck, Sir
24
00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:36,580
now I've just gotta trip up
to the stasis booths.
25
00:01:36,580 --> 00:01:38,630
But I pressed first!
26
00:01:38,650 --> 00:01:40,180
Right. That's it.
You are fired.
27
00:01:40,190 --> 00:01:41,930
You can't fire a lift, Sir.
28
00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:42,740
I just have.
29
00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:44,310
How are you going
to replace me?
30
00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:46,260
With another lift
from another shaft.
31
00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:48,480
I'll get the scutters to
transfer and install.
32
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,200
Let me tell you,
my lad-do,
33
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,670
There are plenty of young,
thrusting lifts around here
34
00:01:52,670 --> 00:01:54,560
who would give their
eye teeth to transport
35
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,490
someone of my stature
up and down their shaft.
36
00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:03,480
Tell all lifts we're interviewing
for a new position in Shaft 14.
37
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,440
All applicants must be
prepared to travel.
38
00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:07,620
Only lifts need apply.
39
00:02:09,450 --> 00:02:10,570
Come on.
40
00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:27,340
Lights!
41
00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:29,990
Lister, you've been in
my bunk for two days now.
42
00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:31,610
Are you still hung over?
43
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,920
Go away, Rimmer.
Turn off the lights.
44
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,570
Look, we've come across
a space station,
45
00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:36,770
tech glitch in Sector Three,
46
00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:38,390
there's an asteroid storm
heading for it,
47
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:39,600
it will be toast
in five hours!
48
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,870
Let's go!
49
00:02:40,890 --> 00:02:42,180
Gimme a break, Rimmer.
50
00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:43,950
I've been in bed
for two days.
51
00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,730
I need to freshen up.
52
00:02:46,890 --> 00:02:47,870
All right.
53
00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:49,570
Good to go!
Come on!
54
00:02:58,540 --> 00:03:01,050
What kind of
space station is it, Krytes?
55
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:01,810
Any idea?
56
00:03:01,810 --> 00:03:03,410
Well I don't recognize it, Sir,
57
00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,290
but I must confess I did delete
58
00:03:05,290 --> 00:03:07,430
some files off my
hard drive this morning
59
00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:08,900
to create more memory.
60
00:03:08,900 --> 00:03:10,360
Really?
Is that safe?
61
00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:11,550
Oh, have no fear, Sir.
62
00:03:11,550 --> 00:03:14,730
I only trashed information
I consider frivolous and idiotic.
63
00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:17,070
Without checking with me first?
64
00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:18,340
And you are...?
65
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,780
Go into your trash,
you mental moron,
66
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:23,860
and un-delete the Rimmer folder.
67
00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:26,040
You must have dumped me
in there by mistake.
68
00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:27,970
That's highly unlikely,
whoever you are,
69
00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:29,970
but I'll check anyway.
70
00:03:30,170 --> 00:03:30,970
Oh!
71
00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:32,640
There's a folder in here
72
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,250
marked "Captain Bollocks".
73
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,750
Could that be you?
74
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,470
Captain Bollocks?
75
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,150
Is that what you call me
behind my back?
76
00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:42,630
To your face too,
when you're snoozing!
77
00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:45,400
Just dragging it out
of the bin and reinstalling.
78
00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:48,060
Oh, Sir!
79
00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:49,410
I'm so sorry!
80
00:03:49,410 --> 00:03:50,400
How could I possibly...
81
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,680
Yes! All right,
moving on.
82
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,810
Calling you
Captain Bollocks!
83
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,780
Especially behind your back,
84
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,580
and probably sniggering
about it too -
85
00:03:57,580 --> 00:03:59,150
how could you not
take offense?!
86
00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:00,970
Kryten, please.
Let's move on.
87
00:04:00,970 --> 00:04:03,220
Captain Bollocks!
Really?!
88
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:06,030
It's disrespectful and
downright offensive, Sir.
89
00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:08,820
Just assure me
I'm fully reinstalled.
90
00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:09,880
Rest assured, Sir.
91
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,650
You now have pride of place
in my "R" section.
92
00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:16,250
Alongside "ringworm"
and "rim shot", Sir.
93
00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:32,850
Now remember, Sirs.
94
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,490
The asteroid storm will
destroy the station
95
00:04:35,490 --> 00:04:37,090
in five hours.
96
00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:41,910
Look, let's split up
into pairs.
97
00:04:41,910 --> 00:04:44,280
It will make things
a whole lot quicker.
98
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:48,230
As acting superior officer,
I naturally get first choice.
99
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,060
Don't want you.
100
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:51,820
Don't want you.
101
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:55,380
Why is there
no one good here?
102
00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:58,910
You get more choice
in an Amish barbers.
103
00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:00,660
Kryten,
104
00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:03,410
You're with me.
Let's move, people.
105
00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:07,230
If they ever decide to recognize
service to toss pottery,
106
00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:09,130
he'll be a Hall of Famer.
107
00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,930
I wonder why it's called
"Asclepius".
108
00:05:17,930 --> 00:05:21,680
Ah. Presumably after the
Greek god of medicine, Sir.
109
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:23,240
Well, there's that.
Obviously.
110
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,040
Obviously that.
Yes, obviously.
111
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,810
You think it's that obvious?
112
00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:37,760
Skeleton!
113
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,690
Check it out.
114
00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:40,950
My bet?
115
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,580
It's dead.
116
00:05:47,190 --> 00:05:50,230
Why do skeletons
never wear any clothes?
117
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,520
No wonder they all die.
118
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:54,710
Probably pneumonia.
119
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,110
All right, Male.
Caucasian. Thirty one.
120
00:05:58,110 --> 00:06:00,090
And according to this,
he was a Colonel Club cardholder -
121
00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:03,470
one chicken stamp away from
a free Family Fun bucket.
122
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,740
Man that thing's accurate!
123
00:06:06,810 --> 00:06:08,710
It's weird.
124
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,060
The DNA,
125
00:06:12,230 --> 00:06:13,580
on this knife handle,
126
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,310
is identical,
127
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,450
to the DNA in the body.
128
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:20,400
Meaning this dude
stabbed himself in the back?
129
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,430
Why would anyone do that?!
130
00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:23,630
Hey.
131
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:28,310
Some notes here.
Might give us a clue.
132
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:33,030
If memory serves, Sir,
Asclepius was a medi-bot,
133
00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:35,690
created in the
late 23rd century,
134
00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,730
programed to perform
all the procedures,
135
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,150
both physical and mental on
136
00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:41,370
all known living organisms -
137
00:06:41,370 --> 00:06:45,040
the cutting-edge of
droid technology.
138
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,510
Looks like something out of an
old sci-fi movie.
139
00:06:50,590 --> 00:06:53,510
It's got to be so much more
advanced than me, Sir.
140
00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:54,710
It's got four buttons.
141
00:06:54,710 --> 00:06:55,980
Precisely!
142
00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:02,560
Greetings.
How can I be of service?
143
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,930
I am Standing Acting Senior
144
00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:08,390
Commanding Officer
Arnold J. Rimmer
145
00:07:08,390 --> 00:07:10,750
of the J.M.C. mining ship
Red Dwarf.
146
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:11,780
Perhaps you could..
147
00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:14,070
Sir, you haven't
introduced me.
148
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,680
I beg your pardon.
149
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,930
This is Kryten.
He's a sanitation droid -
150
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:18,960
mainly toilets.
151
00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:21,460
He can also unblock drains,
and is an absolute whiz
152
00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:23,620
when it comes to
embarrassing stains.
153
00:07:24,670 --> 00:07:26,670
Sir, I merely asked you
to introduce me,
154
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,240
you didn't have to
big me up.
155
00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:30,060
Arnold J. Rimmer?
156
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:31,580
I do believe
many years ago,
157
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:34,240
I had the honor of serving
one of your old crew mates,
158
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,350
Flight Coordinator
Ronald Littlewood.
159
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,820
Sir, our quake timings
are way out.
160
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:41,790
We need to get back
to Red Dwarf.
161
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:42,520
I wonder,
162
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,970
would you care to join us?
163
00:07:43,970 --> 00:07:46,340
We have nothing
in our science room
164
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,930
remotely as
sophisticated as you.
165
00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:51,250
Why, I would
be honored, Kryten.
166
00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:52,530
Follow me.
167
00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:03,930
According to these notes,
168
00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:06,660
the guy's name is
Romero G. Gonzales,
169
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:09,300
and he was a
stasis booth engineer.
170
00:08:09,310 --> 00:08:11,040
Ah, Mrs. Robertson,
171
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,680
we're ready to start
your procedure now.
172
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:18,150
And this, must be
Mrs. Johnson -
173
00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:20,000
the donor.
174
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,640
No need to be frightened.
175
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,120
There was
a time I was
176
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:27,070
a teensy, tiny,
teeny-weeny bit...
177
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,080
MAD!!!
178
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,490
But not any more.
179
00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:31,740
Look.
180
00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:34,440
There's my "all clear".
181
00:08:34,870 --> 00:08:35,840
We gotta go.
182
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,030
We'll close the door
behind us
183
00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:37,990
as we pedal out!
184
00:08:37,990 --> 00:08:39,730
I can see you're both quite...
185
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:41,190
nervous.
186
00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:44,060
Perhaps you need
a little something to help you
187
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:45,200
... relax.
188
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,550
Bazookoids!
189
00:08:49,690 --> 00:08:50,570
There.
190
00:08:50,570 --> 00:08:52,860
That wasn't so bad,
was it?
191
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:55,970
Where are they?
192
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,440
Tracking them, Sir.
193
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:58,940
Down here!
194
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:00,950
Sew,
sew,
195
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:02,810
sew your boat,
196
00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:05,970
gently as you dream,
197
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:07,790
Merrily,
merrily,
198
00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:09,980
merrily,
merrily,
199
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:11,810
life is such a
200
00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:13,180
scream...
201
00:09:25,110 --> 00:09:26,240
Ah!
202
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,520
Mrs. Biddle.
You're a little early.
203
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,340
Take a seat in the waiting room.
204
00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,410
I'll show you where it is.
205
00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:56,510
Sir, let's fire them up
and get them out of here!
206
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,650
Move, Kryten.
Go!
207
00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:11,570
Go, go, go, go, go!
208
00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:47,890
He's coming around, Sir.
209
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:48,900
Here he comes.
210
00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:51,120
Yes, he's coming around!
211
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,500
I don't remember
drinking anything!
212
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:55,910
You were attacked, Sir.
213
00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:57,460
Remember?
Attacked!
214
00:10:57,460 --> 00:10:59,900
I didn't start it,
and I wasn't drunk.
215
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,130
Well, I might have been drunk,
but I didn't start it.
216
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,260
Well, I might have
started it.
217
00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:07,900
I remember now!
How's the Cat?!
218
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,170
He's in medi-bay four, Sir.
He's fine.
219
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:10,810
And me?
220
00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:11,630
Ah, the Cat -
221
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,190
he's 100%
tippity top, Sir!
222
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,860
Yeah, but what
about me?!
223
00:11:15,990 --> 00:11:17,320
Prepare yourself,
224
00:11:17,380 --> 00:11:18,760
for a bit
of a shock, Sir.
225
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,990
What kind of a shock?
226
00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:22,290
Well, if most shocks
are about this size,
227
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,800
this shock is more...
228
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,680
THIS size!
229
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:29,840
You have a problem
with your kidneys, Sir.
230
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,070
What kind of problem?
231
00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:32,530
You don't have any.
232
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,790
That crazy droid
organ-napped them.
233
00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:38,320
And when we Marined
our way in to save you,
234
00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:40,740
friendly-fire took
out the jar.
235
00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:43,590
And which particular friend
caused this friendly fire?
236
00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:46,150
Put it there,
pal of mine.
237
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,490
Where am I
going to get
238
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,480
new kidneys
3 million years
239
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,590
into deep space?!
240
00:11:51,590 --> 00:11:53,570
Didn't I tell you
he'd say that?
241
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:55,630
Hang on a minute.
No kidneys?
242
00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:56,980
How come I'm not dead?
243
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,660
Well, I've injected a homemade
244
00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:00,920
MTK chip into your
bloodstream, Sir,
245
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,070
which performs a function
similar to the old
246
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:05,750
dialysis machine
of days gone by.
247
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:06,760
All being well,
248
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,410
you'll be fine for...uhm,
249
00:12:08,410 --> 00:12:09,360
Years?
250
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,250
Months?
251
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,140
Weeks?
252
00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:13,800
Let's not get bogged down
in details, Sir.
253
00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:15,870
I'm totally smegged,
aren't I?
254
00:12:15,870 --> 00:12:18,270
Didn't I tell you
he'd say that?
255
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,060
All is not lost, Sir.
256
00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:21,980
The perpetrator of
this act of derangement
257
00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:24,340
was clearly some
mentally unhinged
258
00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:26,000
droid/patient,
who managed to
259
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,350
escape his shackles.
260
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:29,360
Mr. Rimmer and I,
however,
261
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,290
managed to obtain
the services
262
00:12:31,290 --> 00:12:34,640
of a state-of-the-art
medi-bot!
263
00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:49,670
He's a state-of-the-art
medi-bot?!
264
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,650
He's only got
four buttons!
265
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,630
He goes by
the name
266
00:12:53,630 --> 00:12:55,110
of Asclepius.
267
00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:56,090
Asclepius?
268
00:12:56,090 --> 00:12:57,540
Kryten, can we talk?
269
00:12:57,630 --> 00:12:59,450
Just one moment, Asclepius.
270
00:12:59,450 --> 00:13:01,810
Or should that be
"Mr." Asclepius?
271
00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,560
Actually, neither.
272
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,290
Pardon my faux pas,
Professor.
273
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,470
Now, where was I?
274
00:13:06,470 --> 00:13:09,140
Ah - one of Asclepius'
many abilities
275
00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:11,140
is DNA re-writing
276
00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:14,030
If Mr. Cat were willing
to donate one of his kidneys,
277
00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:16,930
Asclepius here could make
his kidney compatible
278
00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,040
with your body.
279
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,160
This is the Cat
we're talking about!
280
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,910
The one with the big black
bog brush on his head.
281
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,000
You're expecting me
to ask him for a kidney?
282
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,380
He's never given anyone
anything in his life.
283
00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:31,070
Wh-when we explain the
importance, the idea of him
284
00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,970
being a donor might appeal.
285
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:34,880
Kryten, read
the cat dictionary.
286
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,970
There's only one
meaning for "donor".
287
00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:38,600
A kind of kabob.
288
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,090
He's a cat.
He can't help himself.
289
00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:43,960
He has his selfish side,
290
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,970
But if it wasn't for you, Sir,
he wouldn't exist -
291
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:47,610
neither would his species.
292
00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:49,370
Plus, Sir, you're buds.
293
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,070
He'll come through,
of course he will!
294
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:55,180
Didn't I tell you
he'd look like that?
295
00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:05,960
Hey, hey, hey!
296
00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:07,440
How ya doin', Bud?!
297
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,540
They said you
wanted to see me.
298
00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:10,220
Cat, take a seat.
299
00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:11,740
What have they told ya?
300
00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:12,750
What's to tell?
301
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,410
We all got out in
one piece, right?
302
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,390
Right.
303
00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:16,740
Erm...
304
00:14:16,780 --> 00:14:19,120
Listen, I've got a
really big favor to ask you.
305
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,080
Go ahead, ask!
306
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,330
Forgive the interruption, Sir.
307
00:14:21,330 --> 00:14:22,910
I suddenly remembered
you haven't eaten.
308
00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:23,730
Here you go.
309
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,940
Soup, a roll,
and a vitamin booster.
310
00:14:25,940 --> 00:14:28,280
Great!
I'm famished.
311
00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:30,100
But that was for...
312
00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:32,160
I'll get some more, Sir.
313
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,730
I don't want any more!
314
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:35,640
I just need a main course.
315
00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:36,890
And get me one of
those drip things,
316
00:14:36,890 --> 00:14:38,560
like he's got.
317
00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:41,460
Listen Cat,
as I was saying...
318
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:43,420
And some
Himalayan sea salt!
319
00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:44,620
Listen Cat...
320
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:46,160
You wanted to
ask me something?
321
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,290
Yeah. Look, I'm not going to
beat about the bush here,
322
00:14:48,290 --> 00:14:50,010
I'm just going to come
right out and say it.
323
00:14:50,010 --> 00:14:51,690
Just going to come
right out and say it.
324
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:53,660
I'm not going to beat
about the bush.
325
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,320
I'm just going to come
right out and say it.
326
00:14:56,540 --> 00:14:57,440
In a minute.
327
00:14:59,110 --> 00:15:00,720
I need you to....
328
00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:04,350
give me....
329
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:06,800
one of your kidneys.
330
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,000
Kidneys?!
331
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,650
This is fish!
332
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,460
Not the food, you doink -
the organ!
333
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:15,420
That crazy droid
organ-napped mine,
334
00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:17,520
then they got nuked
in the gunfight.
335
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:18,710
So let me
get this straight;
336
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,270
I give you one of
my kidneys,
337
00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:21,480
what do I get?
338
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,690
A hole.
339
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,530
Where your
kidney used to be.
340
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,480
So, I give you a kidney,
you give me a hole?
341
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:32,990
You keep the kidney,
I keep the hole?
342
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,100
My gift to you.
343
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:35,610
I tell you what,
344
00:15:35,610 --> 00:15:37,380
it's not your kidneys that
need replacing,
345
00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:38,820
it's your damn brain!
346
00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:40,450
Cat, if you don't give me
a kidney and I die,
347
00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:42,080
think how you'll feel!
348
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,540
Better than you!!
349
00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:47,190
You know what,
I think this is all a front
350
00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:48,380
from you.
It's just all a front.
351
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,810
Because I know you.
I know you.
352
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,750
And when push
comes to shove,
353
00:15:51,770 --> 00:15:53,400
you'll do what's right.
354
00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:55,870
W-well I won't do what's right!
355
00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,000
I hate doing what's right!!
356
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:00,770
All these years
being together,
357
00:16:00,770 --> 00:16:02,740
you think someone
knows you!
358
00:16:03,270 --> 00:16:05,500
You don't
know me at all!!
359
00:16:08,610 --> 00:16:10,330
Where's that sea salt!
360
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,760
Do I have to do everything
myself around here?!?
361
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,320
Ah. I thought you
might be here.
362
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,150
How can I be
of service, Sir?
363
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:24,130
I'd quite like to see you
with regard to your...
364
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,140
psychiatric skills.
365
00:16:27,030 --> 00:16:29,550
I've got some issues
with my father,
366
00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:31,930
who I discovered
wasn't my father,
367
00:16:31,930 --> 00:16:34,270
Also, I've got some issues
with my mother,
368
00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:36,580
who very sadly
is my mother.
369
00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:38,970
Also, I've got brothers.
370
00:16:38,970 --> 00:16:40,870
I should probably sit down.
371
00:16:41,590 --> 00:16:43,220
But when I woke up
in the morning,
372
00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:44,150
she was gone.
373
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,900
And so was the lettuce.
374
00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:50,240
Why would anyone do that
to my teddy bear?
375
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,730
And she was
shouting at me!
376
00:16:52,730 --> 00:16:53,700
More talcum powder,
377
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:54,980
more talcum powder!
378
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:57,580
But I didn't have any
talcum powder!
379
00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:02,920
Why did she get
the green crayon?
380
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,300
So, what do you think?
381
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:07,880
You've said nothing
all session,
382
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:09,200
and if you don't
say anything,
383
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,920
how can I ever feel
better about myself?
384
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:17,030
Unless, of course,
you're doing it deliberately.
385
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,340
But why?
386
00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:21,940
You want me,
387
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,690
to realize the only person
who can help me,
388
00:17:24,690 --> 00:17:26,270
is me!
389
00:17:26,270 --> 00:17:28,860
My god, that's just cut
straight to the heart of it.
390
00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:30,680
No wonder they call
you brilliant!
391
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,480
I confess I was
skeptical at first,
392
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,830
I think it was the
egg-flipper thing
393
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:35,640
that rotates on your head
that put me off,
394
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,770
but you are right -
it's about me,
395
00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:39,620
I've got to look
inside myself
396
00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:41,650
and find my own hero!
397
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,150
Is that "time up"?
398
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,760
Look, I'll see you
next session.
399
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,860
Well, he said no.
400
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:54,960
What are we going to do?
401
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,890
Well I've got an idea.
402
00:17:57,130 --> 00:17:58,850
How's your "lie mode" these days?
403
00:17:58,850 --> 00:18:01,310
You still do that crazy,
nervous stuttery thing?
404
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:02,420
Please, Sir.
405
00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:05,760
I am now fluent in all
the deceptive arts.
406
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,690
I could work
for FIFA!
407
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,470
Ah, there you are, Sir.
408
00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:21,180
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
409
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:21,980
There's been the most
410
00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:24,680
t-t-t-t-t-t-terrible mix up
411
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,130
with the m-m-m-medical results.
412
00:18:27,130 --> 00:18:27,950
Mix up?!
413
00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:28,770
Yes Sir.
414
00:18:28,780 --> 00:18:31,400
It's not Mr.-m-Mr.-m-Mr. Lister
415
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:32,640
who needs
a new kidney, Sir -
416
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:33,580
it's you!
417
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,240
Me?!
418
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,570
Yes Sir, you!
419
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:36,980
I'll need a new kidney?!
420
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:40,960
Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes, Sir.
421
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,690
I must go and tell Mr. Lister.
He will be so pleased!
422
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,640
Hey, no-no-no-wait!
Slow down!
423
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,730
I need to see him first!
424
00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:55,420
Hey there Buddy,
I've come to tuck you in!
425
00:18:57,210 --> 00:18:58,300
Okay.
426
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,450
Here I go,
427
00:19:01,610 --> 00:19:04,370
Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck,
tucky, tucky, tuck!
428
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,660
Tucky, tucky, tucky, tucky,
tuck, tuck, tuck.
429
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,220
Oh, by the way,
430
00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:11,670
I thought about what you said
about the kidney thing?
431
00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:13,020
And I thought...
432
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,010
What would you do
433
00:19:14,010 --> 00:19:16,160
if this whole situation
was reversed?
434
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,020
You know what I'd do.
435
00:19:17,020 --> 00:19:18,940
I'd give you a kidney in
ten seconds flat.
436
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,090
That's why I'm going to give
you one of my kidneys.
437
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,490
No way!
438
00:19:24,910 --> 00:19:26,220
It's yours, Bud!
439
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,530
Just slice me open
and haul it out.
440
00:19:28,530 --> 00:19:29,640
And while
you're in there,
441
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,140
if you take a shine
to anything else,
442
00:19:31,140 --> 00:19:32,570
just grab that, too!
443
00:19:33,230 --> 00:19:35,660
You want 20 yards
of my lower intestine?
444
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:38,090
Just unroll that sucker,
throw it over your shoulder
445
00:19:38,090 --> 00:19:39,100
and stroll on out!
446
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,860
What's mine is yours,
and what's yours is mine.
447
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:45,780
Budskis 'til the day I get my
first wrinkle, right?!
448
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,430
Right.
449
00:19:47,650 --> 00:19:49,040
What's this?
450
00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,370
Consent form.
You need to sign it.
451
00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:53,490
Well give me a pen.
Let's get this done!
452
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:55,020
'Cause like you said,
453
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:55,960
if the roles
were reversed,
454
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,250
you'd be there for me, right?
455
00:19:57,250 --> 00:19:58,490
Damn right.
456
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,330
Uh, it's just one "t", right?
457
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,290
I knew that!
458
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,270
Oh, Mr. Lister, Sir.
459
00:20:06,270 --> 00:20:08,570
I scarcely know
where to begin.
460
00:20:08,830 --> 00:20:10,360
Calm down, Bud!
461
00:20:10,530 --> 00:20:11,890
Whatever's wrong?
462
00:20:11,890 --> 00:20:14,550
I got the kidney tests
mixed up!
463
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,260
Nooo!!
464
00:20:16,470 --> 00:20:19,640
He got the kidney tests
mixed up!
465
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:22,060
At first, I thought
it was Mr. Lister
466
00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:23,070
who had no kidneys.
467
00:20:23,070 --> 00:20:24,830
But when I checked
the results again,
468
00:20:24,830 --> 00:20:26,060
I discovered
that it was you
469
00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:27,660
who had no kidneys, Sir.
470
00:20:27,670 --> 00:20:30,320
I'm going to have to
get myself a kidney then.
471
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,740
But where?
472
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,610
But then I thought to myself,
473
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:37,250
if you have no kidneys,
474
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:38,910
how come you're not dead?
475
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:39,760
Yeah.
476
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,000
How come you're not dead?
477
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,940
Why is that?
478
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:46,630
Well then I went and looked
at the medi-results again,
479
00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:47,700
and blow me!
480
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,460
I discovered I hadn't made
a mistake after all.
481
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:54,880
I beg your pardon?
482
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,110
Yeah. Mr. Lister
needs new kidneys,
483
00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:58,610
not you, Sir.
484
00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:00,100
I've got the form.
485
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,100
I've got it signed.
486
00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:03,110
Let's get smocked up
and do this.
487
00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:06,240
What's that?!
488
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:07,640
Pre-op injection, Sir.
489
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:08,860
It will help you relax.
490
00:21:08,870 --> 00:21:11,050
Oh, I very much doubt that!
491
00:21:20,390 --> 00:21:24,150
Asclepius, are you ready
to rewrite the DNA?
492
00:21:24,220 --> 00:21:25,440
Before we begin,
493
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:26,870
what do you do when
a bunch of people
494
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:29,790
think you're some Fancy Dan
DNA medi-computer when,
495
00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:32,860
in fact, that's not
what you do at all?
496
00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:34,200
What do you do?
497
00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:35,830
Look on my back.
498
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,110
"Snacky".
Automated snack dispenser.
499
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:41,150
For service, please call...
500
00:21:41,150 --> 00:21:44,440
there's a number with a
Milton Keynes dialing code.
501
00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:55,440
So where does
this leave us?
502
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,440
Well, without a
state-of-the-art medi-bot,
503
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:00,360
we can't rewrite the Cat's DNA
and his kidneys
504
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,910
won't be compatible.
505
00:22:01,910 --> 00:22:03,800
It's like V.H.S.
and Betamax -
506
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,880
or the Catholic church
and science.
507
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,280
Kryten, when we
were on that space station,
508
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,970
we came across
this skeleton, right.
509
00:22:10,970 --> 00:22:13,110
It was weird because
the DNAon the knife
510
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,200
was the same
511
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,600
as the DNA
in the body.
512
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,190
Could this Romero guy
513
00:22:17,190 --> 00:22:19,660
have somehow been
killed by his own clone?
514
00:22:19,660 --> 00:22:21,820
And if so,
can we clone me?
515
00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:23,730
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news,
516
00:22:23,730 --> 00:22:26,460
but Romero wasn't killed
by his own clone.
517
00:22:26,460 --> 00:22:27,730
Well who killed him, then?
518
00:22:27,730 --> 00:22:30,400
He was a stasis engineer
working on a project
519
00:22:30,410 --> 00:22:31,520
to hack stasis booths
520
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,190
in order to create a portal
521
00:22:33,190 --> 00:22:34,460
back into the past.
522
00:22:34,460 --> 00:22:35,970
He used to talk about it
with his colleagues
523
00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:37,930
when they were
ordering snacks.
524
00:22:37,930 --> 00:22:39,950
One day, his
future self appeared
525
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,740
and told him to
never go back in time,
526
00:22:41,740 --> 00:22:43,620
or he'd be stabbed to death.
527
00:22:43,620 --> 00:22:45,710
The younger Romero refused
to believe him,
528
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,480
and stabbed him to death.
529
00:22:47,790 --> 00:22:49,750
He realized what a terrible
thing he'd done,
530
00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:52,170
so he went back in time
to warn his younger self,
531
00:22:52,170 --> 00:22:54,170
but got stabbed to death.
532
00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:58,240
Could we use his
research somehow?
533
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,260
You mean use
Romero's configuration
534
00:23:00,260 --> 00:23:02,000
to go back in time,
535
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,240
and take the younger
Mr. Lister's kidney's
536
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,060
and insert them
into you, Sir?
537
00:23:06,060 --> 00:23:08,020
But wouldn't his
future self drop dead?
538
00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:10,770
Not if we insert
an MTK chip in him
539
00:23:10,770 --> 00:23:12,700
to keep him going,
until he turns
540
00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:14,030
from younger Mr. Lister
541
00:23:14,030 --> 00:23:15,700
into present-day Mr. Lister!
542
00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:17,570
How can you nick my
internal organs
543
00:23:17,570 --> 00:23:18,840
with me not noticing?
544
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:19,860
We chloroform you,
545
00:23:19,860 --> 00:23:20,720
swipe your kidneys,
546
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,360
and then you wake up
feeling groggy,
547
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:23,850
think you must have
got black-out drunk-
548
00:23:23,850 --> 00:23:24,890
which you did!
549
00:23:25,110 --> 00:23:26,260
You know, that's right!
550
00:23:26,260 --> 00:23:27,650
I blacked out,
551
00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:29,360
and then spent
two days in bed
552
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:30,580
feeling like the living dead.
553
00:23:30,580 --> 00:23:31,910
No offense.
554
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,480
And I couldn't
understand it
555
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,430
'cause I could only remember
having two drinks.
556
00:23:36,430 --> 00:23:38,720
But it wasn't that -
it was 'cause I had no kidneys,
557
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,610
I only have the MTK
chip keeping me alive!
558
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,070
You know, I believe we
can do this, Sir!
559
00:23:44,070 --> 00:23:44,840
How?
560
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,740
No one knows how to
reconfigure the stasis booths.
561
00:23:47,940 --> 00:23:49,040
What about you?
562
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,890
I'm a snack machine.
563
00:23:52,390 --> 00:23:53,420
Did you overhear Romero
564
00:23:53,420 --> 00:23:55,260
when he was talking
about the adjustments?
565
00:23:55,260 --> 00:23:58,560
But he only ever figured out
how to go back 30 years.
566
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,940
Going back just a few days
needs precision accuracy.
567
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,550
Well, you could build
on his findings.
568
00:24:03,550 --> 00:24:07,230
I'm just a snack dispenser.
I just dispense snacks.
569
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,950
But when we had
our therapy sessions,
570
00:24:08,950 --> 00:24:11,500
you taught me how to find
the hero inside myself.
571
00:24:11,510 --> 00:24:12,680
No, I didn't.
572
00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:13,650
And you know why?
573
00:24:13,650 --> 00:24:16,280
I-I'm just a
snack dispenser.
574
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,110
Yes, you're just
a snack dispenser
575
00:24:18,110 --> 00:24:19,950
if you think you're just
a snack dispenser,
576
00:24:19,950 --> 00:24:21,750
but you're not only
a snack dispenser,
577
00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:22,630
you're something more
578
00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:24,410
if you decide you want
to be something more!
579
00:24:24,410 --> 00:24:26,140
You taught me that
in our first session!
580
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:28,120
I didn't teach you anything.
You know why?!?
581
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,980
Me, me, me, me!
I got this one!
582
00:24:29,980 --> 00:24:31,430
Is it because you're
a snack dispenser?
583
00:24:31,430 --> 00:24:32,970
I'm a snack dispenser!
584
00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:36,170
Let me ask you
a few questions.
585
00:24:36,180 --> 00:24:39,240
How do you unify
the triode valve?
586
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,270
You reduce the
transmoculiter ??? settings.
587
00:24:41,330 --> 00:24:42,440
Yes!
588
00:24:42,450 --> 00:24:43,450
Did you know that?
589
00:24:43,450 --> 00:24:44,570
No. It's just a long word.
590
00:24:44,570 --> 00:24:46,470
It's good enough for me.
591
00:24:46,540 --> 00:24:49,060
What does
G.F.R. stand for?
592
00:24:49,060 --> 00:24:51,490
Gyrospectic functioning rate.
593
00:24:51,540 --> 00:24:54,180
You're right.
Perhaps I can do this.
594
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:57,620
Okay.
Get me to the nearest stasis booth.
595
00:25:06,270 --> 00:25:08,640
There.
That should do it.
596
00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:10,730
All right then.
Let's do this!
597
00:25:10,730 --> 00:25:11,830
Oh! Before we do,
598
00:25:11,830 --> 00:25:13,380
can I have a pack
of twirly-whirlers?
599
00:25:13,380 --> 00:25:14,430
Please.
600
00:25:14,430 --> 00:25:16,620
I'm a stasis booth engineer.
601
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,580
You've changed.
602
00:25:26,190 --> 00:25:28,120
It's Sunday!
It worked!
603
00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:31,700
The MTK chip
is expiring, Sir.
604
00:25:31,710 --> 00:25:33,710
We haven't
got much time!
605
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,540
Tough as
old boots.
606
00:26:01,860 --> 00:26:03,080
What now?
607
00:26:03,510 --> 00:26:04,880
We've got to
return that Lister
608
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:05,980
to the sleeping quarters
609
00:26:06,010 --> 00:26:07,600
and then get this Lister
back to the present.
610
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,230
Where he can recuperate
in the science room
611
00:26:09,230 --> 00:26:11,280
and get back
to full health.
612
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:11,990
Someone's coming!
613
00:26:11,990 --> 00:26:14,170
It's crucial we're not discovered
by our old selves.
614
00:26:14,190 --> 00:26:17,330
It could discombobulate
the entire space-time continuum!
615
00:26:17,330 --> 00:26:18,850
Quick!
In here!
616
00:26:19,890 --> 00:26:20,980
Where to, Sirs?
617
00:26:21,010 --> 00:26:23,230
The sleeping quarters,
and make it snappy.
618
00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:32,070
Lift coming, Sir.
619
00:26:32,570 --> 00:26:33,620
Come on,
come on!
620
00:26:33,650 --> 00:26:35,700
Why are you
always so slow?!
621
00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:38,390
I've seen snails with clubbed feet
travel faster than you.
622
00:26:38,420 --> 00:26:40,470
The French Army after
lunch move quicker!
623
00:26:41,340 --> 00:26:43,830
Sir, your past self
is calling for the lift.
624
00:26:43,860 --> 00:26:45,930
Don't tell him anything.
You'll blow the time line.
625
00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:47,580
He's getting really angry, Sir.
626
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,050
Ignore him.
He's an idiot.
627
00:26:49,310 --> 00:26:50,170
But he's you!
628
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:51,500
He's "past" me.
629
00:26:51,550 --> 00:26:53,330
"Present" me is a
whole lot smarter.
630
00:26:53,380 --> 00:26:55,660
I understand now why
you were so slow.
631
00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:58,080
You were transporting us,
but you couldn't tell me.
632
00:26:58,110 --> 00:26:59,940
He's threatening
to fire me, Sir.
633
00:26:59,970 --> 00:27:01,580
How can you fire a lift?
634
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:04,010
What is wrong with him?
He's a total gimboid.
635
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,660
Look, I'll make it right
when I'm back in the present.
636
00:27:06,690 --> 00:27:08,690
I'll un-fire you.
Promote you, even.
637
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,330
Install you in
that swanky
638
00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:12,200
glass shaft over on the
officer's deck.
639
00:27:12,220 --> 00:27:13,220
How does that sound?
640
00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:15,850
Officer's deck?
That sounds marvelous, Sir!
641
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,430
I'll get the other one!
642
00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:26,700
Lights!
643
00:27:33,710 --> 00:27:35,000
Wait for me!!
644
00:27:41,140 --> 00:27:42,010
A couple of days
645
00:27:42,030 --> 00:27:43,820
recuperating in
the science room, Sir
646
00:27:43,820 --> 00:27:45,030
and you'll be
right as rain.
647
00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:46,160
So I'm going to be okay?
648
00:27:46,190 --> 00:27:47,420
And so will the past you,
649
00:27:47,420 --> 00:27:48,520
whose kidneys you
650
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,190
body-napped
to give to yourself.
651
00:27:50,220 --> 00:27:51,800
Where would
I be without me.
652
00:27:51,850 --> 00:27:53,560
Probably sat here
without any kidneys.
653
00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:55,450
Whereas now, I'm sat there
without any kidneys.
654
00:27:55,460 --> 00:27:56,870
Good 'ol me, eh?
655
00:28:08,150 --> 00:28:10,350
Ah, hello Rimmer.
Remember me?
656
00:28:10,370 --> 00:28:11,610
Of course!
657
00:28:11,770 --> 00:28:14,490
They moved you down to
Shaft 6?
658
00:28:14,510 --> 00:28:16,380
Three weeks I've been
waiting for that promotion
659
00:28:16,380 --> 00:28:17,640
you promised me.
660
00:28:17,710 --> 00:28:19,730
Yeah. That sort of
slipped my mind.
661
00:28:19,780 --> 00:28:20,870
I've got some news.
662
00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:22,930
Snacky's installed a
new killer power reactor
663
00:28:22,930 --> 00:28:23,920
to my counter balance,
664
00:28:23,980 --> 00:28:26,070
which means I can now
travel between floors
665
00:28:26,090 --> 00:28:27,810
at close to the
speed of light.
666
00:28:27,830 --> 00:28:29,330
I haven't tested
it yet, though.
667
00:28:29,380 --> 00:28:31,300
I've been waiting
for you, Rimmer.
668
00:28:31,330 --> 00:28:33,260
Close to the
speed of light?
669
00:28:33,310 --> 00:28:35,620
I'm going to take you
on the ride of your life.
670
00:28:35,650 --> 00:28:36,630
Now hang on!
671
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:37,630
No.
672
00:28:37,710 --> 00:28:38,860
You hang on.
46349
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