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1
00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:05,373
Earl, I told you to mop
the entrance.
2
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:07,741
That floor is dirtier
than Bob Saget
3
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:11,145
at a Comedy Central roast.
4
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:15,516
You know what it sounds like
you need, cranky lady?
5
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:19,087
A Midol and a Dove bar.
6
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,754
You watch it, too, Oleg.
7
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,224
Like Earl's hip,
you can be replaced.
8
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:30,098
Have you noticed since Max
and Caroline have been away,
9
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:33,134
Han is getting a little big
for his bitches?
10
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:36,170
Did I say bitches?
11
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:39,207
'Cause I meant to.
12
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,342
I will not be bossed around
by someone
13
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,810
40 years younger than me.
14
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,778
He is not my second wife.
15
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:52,286
I am calling diner security.
16
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,589
What's up, Earl?
17
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:58,292
I mean,
besides your blood pressure.
18
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,128
When are you coming back?
19
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,829
We're coming back
tomorrow night.
20
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,697
Caroline's about to sign
the movie contract,
21
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:06,734
which means I don't have to
come home UPS Ground.
22
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,471
Are you on the phone
with the diner?
23
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,473
I feel like I can smell it.
24
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,142
I don't think any of us
25
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,676
are gonna make it
past tomorrow.
26
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:18,379
Han's been walking around
like he owns the place.
27
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,882
I do own the place!
28
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,218
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
29
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,856
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
30
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:45,639
Boy, Uber drivers do not
like to be tickled.
31
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:49,177
And speaking of things
no one would see coming,
32
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:52,246
I used the F-word
with Randy.
33
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,547
Who wouldn't see that coming?
34
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,750
You use the F-word
all the time...
35
00:01:56,784 --> 00:02:00,188
usually around children
or clergy.
36
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:03,391
No, the F-word
as in "future."
37
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:06,227
Max, you made plans
for the future?
38
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:08,329
You won't even make
dinner plans with me.
39
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,599
You always say, "Who knows if
we'll still be friends by then?"
40
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:15,603
Well, you always ask me,
like, five hours ahead of time.
41
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:18,839
Max, I'm gonna go ahead
and use the C-word.
42
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,909
I'm calling you and Randy
a couple.
43
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,744
I'm gonna say something,
44
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,679
and I don't want it
to go to your head.
45
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,516
You're right, bitch.
46
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:29,917
See, Max, it all worked out,
47
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,686
right up until
what I'm about to say right now.
48
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,689
We have to take the shuttle
to the airport tomorrow,
49
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:39,193
'cause we're still poor
for another 27 business days.
50
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:43,697
Let's go out in style
and get a party bus.
51
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,266
After all these years,
we still have
52
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,435
such different
concepts of style.
53
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:48,869
Come on!
54
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:49,937
With a stripper pole
55
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:53,341
and a Crock-Pot
of cocktail weenies.
56
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,676
I danced on a party bus
for a year,
57
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,946
not for money.
58
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:01,349
We are not taking a party bus.
59
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,784
This isn't your super sweet 16.
60
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,253
I didn't have a sweet 16.
61
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:08,722
I was in plumbing school.
62
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,758
Hey, everybody.
63
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,426
I don't know what's going on,
64
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:16,264
but people on the elevator
were looking at me funny.
65
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,298
Sophie!
66
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:18,632
What?
67
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:21,335
Do I have spinach in my teeth?
68
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:24,805
Uh, no spinach, but about
25 needles stuck in your face.
69
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:28,242
Yeah, they're helping me
get pregnant.
70
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:31,312
My healer Audra
sent me to Mao,
71
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,481
the acupuncturist to the stars.
72
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:37,318
Yep, he's poked more famous
people than John Mayer.
73
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,556
Sophie, you're not supposed
to leave with those needles,
74
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:46,360
just like we're not supposed to
leave with these vases.
75
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,762
Tell you what, I'm gonna do
what I used to do
76
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,898
for my Aunt Becky
at the Elks Lodge.
77
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,933
I'm gonna get some pricks
out of your face.
78
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,839
Max, do you think Randy
invited me to dinner
79
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,875
to witness him asking you
to be bicoastal?
80
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,877
'Cause I don't think
this mascara's waterproof,
81
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,280
and I'm definitely gonna cry
82
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:09,683
happy and a few jealous tears.
83
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,819
I'm never been bicoastal.
84
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,587
I was bisexual for a week,
85
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:16,424
but that's mostly because
I was hitchhiking.
86
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,294
There they are.
87
00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:22,596
Oh, this is the table
where we first met,
88
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,698
and you thought I was
a cheap hooker.
89
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:28,502
And you were only half right.
90
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:32,740
Here they come,
more jealous than I expected.
91
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,375
Let's celebrate.
92
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,876
It's a big night
for both of you.
93
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,678
Caroline,
your movie deal closed,
94
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:40,013
and Max, I found your sock.
95
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,715
It was under my refrigerator.
96
00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:43,417
Oh, that makes sense.
97
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:45,519
I was trying to fish
an M&M out from under there
98
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:48,622
with a fishing hook I made
with a fork and my sock.
99
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,358
I was so excited about
getting the M&M
100
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,560
that I abandoned the sock.
101
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,395
Max, you know you don't
have to eat candy
102
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,330
that fell on the floor anymore.
103
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:59,800
I still will, but it's nice
to know I don't have to.
104
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,403
Oh, my God, your whole life
is changing.
105
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,873
We're just waiting
for someone else.
106
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,508
Oh, no, did you invite
a guy for me?
107
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,076
I wish I'd known,
108
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,545
'cause I only shaved
up to the bottom of my dress.
109
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,483
It's not a date for you.
110
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,117
It's someone here
for me and Max.
111
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,387
Wow, I don't usually
bring up threesomes
112
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,655
till the one-month mark
when things start to go stale.
113
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:27,995
Oh, definitely wasn't
picturing this guy.
114
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,130
Hello, I'm Elliot Charles.
115
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:34,635
Okay, two first names,
slightly more interesting.
116
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:38,071
So doing the orgy math here,
there's four of us,
117
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:41,409
and out of the four,
Max and I can't touch naked.
118
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:46,146
Her rule, not mine.
119
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,716
Oh, I'm not here
in a sexual capacity.
120
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,551
I'm Randy's therapist.
121
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,152
And I guess we should
get started.
122
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,987
I do have a 9:00
in the valley.
123
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,491
A 13-year-old girl is coming out
to her vegan parents
124
00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,493
as meat-curious.
125
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:05,566
Um, what's happening?
126
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,469
Look, Max...
Elliot?
127
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:13,507
Look, Max,
my patient, Randy,
128
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:16,510
is breaking up with you.
129
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,111
What?
130
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:21,615
Max, I know this sounds abrupt.
131
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,517
Elliot?
132
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,419
Max, in my practice,
I developed
133
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:27,521
the ripping-the-Band-Aid-off
technique.
134
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,490
You'll read about it
in my book someday,
135
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,791
if I ever finish it,
136
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,761
but that's between
me and my therapist.
137
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,496
He's not speaking to me
right now
138
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,531
because of a couch spill.
139
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,166
And I'd be mad as hell about it
140
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,902
if I didn't completely
understand it!
141
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,708
And now, again,
what's happening?
142
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,444
Because it seems like
you're breaking up with me
143
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:52,145
using a therapist.
144
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:54,615
It does seem that way.
145
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,650
Elliot?
146
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,587
He is breaking up with you
using a therapist.
147
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:04,124
Look, Randy?
148
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,593
Caroline.
149
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:13,200
Look, Elliot, you tell Randy
to be a grown-up
150
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:17,137
and break up with her over text.
151
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,440
At least send her
a "Bye, Felicia" bitmoji.
152
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,712
- Let's go.
- Max, don't go like this.
153
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,814
Elliot, don't let Max
go like this.
154
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,616
Max, you're hurt.
155
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,217
You're feeling abandoned.
156
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,253
What would be really helpful
to you right now
157
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:37,525
is my book, if I can just
get one chapter on paper.
158
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,794
I think people would benefit
a lot from the book.
159
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,062
Well, we're leaving.
160
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,531
This is shocking,
161
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,598
and it's really hard
to shock me
162
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:45,833
since that time
I saw a mouse
163
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,502
dry-humping a potato
on my couch.
164
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:51,839
You know what?
165
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,174
You can keep my sock.
166
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,243
On second thought,
I need it.
167
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,678
Max, wait.
168
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,747
I am just gonna go,
because the last time
169
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:03,083
I was this mad,
someone lost an eyebrow.
170
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:06,620
And it took me a long time
171
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:08,556
to grow it back.
172
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,602
Thank you.
173
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,003
Max, hurry!
174
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,172
We have to leave now
to take Sophie to the healer
175
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,575
and still be
at the airport by noon.
176
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:31,011
I brushed your hair
when you were passed out.
177
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,747
I can't move any faster.
178
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,883
I think this escalator's broken.
179
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:41,021
I tried to stop you
from drinking bottle number 32,
180
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:44,091
which was sriracha.
181
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:47,695
But you tied me to that chair
so well.
182
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,963
Well, since drinking
that hot sauce,
183
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:53,266
I've been tied
to a different chair.
184
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,036
I have something
to make you feel better.
185
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,571
I doubt it.
186
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,539
Unless it's a diaper
full of ice.
187
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,578
It's not that.
I'll meet you outside.
188
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:11,985
Okay, okay, remember
that party bus
189
00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:15,989
I never wanted and you probably
don't want now?
190
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,792
- Surprise!
- Good timing.
191
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,661
I'm feeling suicidal,
and I've always wanted
192
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,696
to be buried in something
like this.
193
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,900
Aw, come on, Max, cheer up.
194
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:30,237
You're getting two poles
for the price of one.
195
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,972
This is the first time
a party bus
196
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,975
hasn't fixed
every problem I have.
197
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,376
Well, you haven't seen
198
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,346
my "Stars and Stripes Forever"
routine.
199
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,199
Um, Bert, is this rum
200
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,636
supposed to have
a cigarette butt in it?
201
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,638
If you gonna puke,
please aim for the floor.
202
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,273
I can hose it down.
203
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,677
Otherwise, I'm finding corn
in the pleather for months.
204
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:13,747
Well, if I throw up today,
it's not 'cause I'm having fun.
205
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,716
I'm just happy
because, finally,
206
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:19,019
there's ladies in the bus
not wearing penis helmets.
207
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:22,122
Nope, they were all
out of penises,
208
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,390
so I had to settle for balls.
209
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,092
Here, girls.
210
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,260
Nope, I will day drink
on a bus,
211
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,197
but I will not
put balls on my head.
212
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:34,034
And you wonder
why you're single.
213
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:37,070
Ugh, there's that crazy
expensive sushi place
214
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,872
where Randy and I ate.
215
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:40,941
And there's the taco place
we had to eat at afterwards
216
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,776
'cause we were still hungry.
217
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,979
Max, please, you have to
put Randy behind you.
218
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:49,917
And there's the parking spot
where I put Randy behind me.
219
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,752
Bert, did we sign up
for the Hollywood
220
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,253
relationship death tour?
221
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:57,357
If so, I'd like to hit
the Affleck-Garner house.
222
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,961
And right up there
is where he lives.
223
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,330
We'd make a right at that
super ripped homeless guy,
224
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,299
and in two or three blocks,
we'd be at Randy's house.
225
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:09,302
Oh, no, "we do this,"
and "we do that."
226
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,437
She's "we"-ing.
227
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,806
As long as nobody wees
on the seats,
228
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,708
we'll be fine.
229
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,744
Bert, turn off there,
up that street.
230
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,311
No, wait, what are you doing?
231
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,980
You're getting closure.
232
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,349
I want him to face you
without that lame therapist.
233
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:26,086
Just you and him
face-to-testicle.
234
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,723
Ladies, just how stalker-y
are we getting here?
235
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:32,192
Like a drive around
the cul-de-sac?
236
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:36,163
Or a full-on Demi Moore outside
of Mila Kunis' yoga class?
237
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,397
Ooh, there it is.
238
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,999
Up there on the left.
239
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,367
Yep, there it is.
240
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,902
And there he is
letting the dog out.
241
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,773
Oh, and he's only
wearing a towel.
242
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,208
Ah, yeah.
243
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,410
Now I get it, Max.
244
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,179
Bert, go.
This was a bad idea.
245
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,947
No, this is a great idea.
246
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,849
I am not letting you
take this bad feeling
247
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,150
back to New York.
248
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,219
Bert, open the door.
I'm going out.
249
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,926
Bert, close the door.
Let's roll.
250
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,533
I, uh, wanted to put
some clothes on,
251
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,335
but Caroline wouldn't let me.
252
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,138
Oh, that's the smartest thing
Caroline's done
253
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,340
since I've met her.
254
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,109
Max.
255
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,477
I'm not here.
256
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:27,815
Max, I can see your balls
behind that pillow.
257
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,983
I can see your balls
behind that--
258
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,052
Sophie!
Come on.
259
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,486
This is sad.
260
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,889
Oh, well not from where
I'm sitting.
261
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,893
Max, I'm sorry about the way
I handled things.
262
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,528
I just don't know how
to break things off.
263
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:42,896
It's why I was the lawyer
264
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:46,233
on the last three
Adam Sandler movies.
265
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,500
Why?
266
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,369
I just need to know why.
267
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,839
Because I'm too young?
I'm too old?
268
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,207
Is there someone else?
You're married? You're gay?
269
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:57,144
With a body like that,
gay is definitely on the table.
270
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,149
You want the truth?
271
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,151
I like you too much.
272
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,552
That's why I didn't
break it off sooner.
273
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,454
I didn't want it to end.
274
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,489
That's why you're
breaking up with me?
275
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,559
Because you like me too much?
276
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,128
At least have another family
in Mexico.
277
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,297
Max, I've done
the long-distance thing.
278
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,599
It's just putting off
the inevitable.
279
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,302
You have a life there.
I have a life here.
280
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,437
It doesn't work.
281
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,440
Please don't hate me.
282
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,309
Be easier if I could.
283
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,946
Yep, here they come.
284
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,283
Pardon me?
285
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:40,020
Are we still firing
your housekeeper today?
286
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,489
Oh, nice hat.
287
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,624
Confirms that theory
that women in LA
288
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,226
are the ones with balls.
289
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,868
This is it, girls.
290
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:59,339
This is where my healer
does all her magic.
291
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,408
Yeah, you know, she must
sweat a lot doing it,
292
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:05,946
'cause it smells like it looks
in here, right?
293
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,048
What do you think's
in those jars?
294
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:12,452
Every fart that's ever
been held in at yoga?
295
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,954
Are you okay, Max?
296
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,222
I guess.
297
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:16,623
I just wish you told me closure
298
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,225
feels like someone just
slammed my nuts
299
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,461
in the trunk of a Pontiac.
300
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,964
Sophie, we have to be
at the airport in an hour.
301
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:27,267
Yes, but Audra is my last chance
at getting pregnant.
302
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,302
She'll be ready
when she's ready.
303
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,004
I mean, look around.
304
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,572
She's a professional.
305
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,147
Have you seen an orange cat?
306
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,984
A little depressed,
Sagittarius?
307
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,954
Wait, Garfield lives here?
308
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,922
Audra, this is
Max and Caroline.
309
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,591
You know,
I rarely say this to a lady,
310
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:56,163
but--oh, put a baby in me.
311
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,698
Absolutely.
312
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,233
Hmm?
313
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:03,703
You think--you don't--okay.
314
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,673
Go ahead.
315
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:09,943
I'm sorry, I'm just conferring
with my spirit guides.
316
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:13,246
Well, if you all talk at once,
I can't understand you.
317
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:19,586
Got it.
318
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,189
They're telling me
that someone here
319
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:24,324
just had their heart broken.
320
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,359
It's you.
321
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,161
Oh, my God, Max.
322
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,730
Come closer to me.
Come over here.
323
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,966
Oh, gosh, thanks a lot.
324
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,934
You're bogarting my witch.
325
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,072
These spirits don't lie.
326
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,273
Mm-mm.
327
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,209
A little too honest sometimes.
328
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:45,212
I mean, I didn't ask them
if they like my bangs,
329
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,547
but they sure told me.
330
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:51,084
It was a whole thing.
331
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,119
You don't need to help me.
332
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,720
I'll get over the Randy thing.
333
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:55,188
I've been through worse things,
334
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:56,456
like this right now.
335
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,025
No.
336
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:00,060
They're insisting
that I help you.
337
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,262
Grab me a jar.
338
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,531
That's where we
store the pain...
339
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,466
and lentils, once you're healed.
340
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,009
Great.
341
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,645
No guy, but now I have a
middle-aged lesbian lover.
342
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,129
All right, it's out.
343
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:45,372
I thought I was gonna have to
move to a bigger jar.
344
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:48,808
You must've really
liked this guy.
345
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,477
He was okay.
346
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,812
Well, he's crushed.
347
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,482
He really liked you too.
348
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,250
Never thought a jar
could make me feel better
349
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,619
that wasn't filled
with peanut brittle.
350
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:03,790
Oh, please, spirits,
put a baby in me!
351
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,561
All right, here we go.
352
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,730
Quiet, everybody.
353
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,165
Let me just close the door.
354
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:14,567
Okay.
355
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,070
Oh, wait.
356
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:21,174
There's still some other
unrest here.
357
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:27,214
Oh, no,
that's way too big.
358
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,222
It's something else.
359
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,828
Oh, really?
360
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,364
Oh, you're telling--
361
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,367
Sure, sure.
362
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,537
Okay. Hold on.
363
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,373
I can't put a baby in you.
364
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,242
Sorry, Sophie.
365
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,444
You can't?
366
00:17:57,477 --> 00:18:01,614
You made me put needles
in my eyes.
367
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:04,251
Put me on with them.
368
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,453
Hey, I'm on your side.
369
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:09,156
Her bangs are ridiculous.
370
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,497
Hey, Earl, we're back.
371
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,234
Hi, girls.
372
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,403
Let me be the first to say
welcome back,
373
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,473
and also,
my deepest sympathies.
374
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,774
How are you, Max?
375
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,142
I just flew in from LA,
376
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,544
and boy, are my arms tired
377
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,281
from hitting the person
next to me.
378
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,149
They would not stop fidgeting.
379
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:39,886
I had to pee,
and you wouldn't let me out.
380
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:42,255
Max, Caroline, you're back!
381
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:45,158
I mean...
hello, how are you?
382
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,928
Han, did you miss us?
383
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:54,701
Oh, please, I miss you like
America misses RadioShack.
384
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:58,305
Surprisingly, it left a hole.
385
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,873
I saw you leave a hole once...
386
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,342
on Groundhog Day.
387
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,879
Max, Caroline,
where's Sophie?
388
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:07,947
I missed her so much.
389
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,749
You know what they say:
390
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:14,187
absence makes me have to
masturbate almost constantly.
391
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,723
So what did the healer say?
392
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,958
We'll let her tell you.
393
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:22,362
Hey, everybody!
394
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:25,198
I'm back from California.
395
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:26,966
I hope I didn't, like,
396
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,903
totally pick up an accent,
dude.
397
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,873
Oh, I was worried
Jeremy Renner
398
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:37,277
would make you the last thing
he'd ever be in.
399
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:43,783
And I was worried you'd say
something exactly like that.
400
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,686
Well, I'll be in my booth.
401
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:50,290
So what did the healer say?
402
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:53,326
How soon can we
get a baby in you?
403
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:58,765
Oh, well, the truth is, Oleg,
404
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,933
the healer said that she
wouldn't be able
405
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,736
to help me get pregnant.
406
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:07,240
Oh, Sophie.
Why not?
407
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:10,310
Well, the reason
408
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:13,780
that I can't get pregnant is...
409
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,650
I'm already pregnant!
410
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,422
Yeah!
411
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,823
I'm gonna be a father?
412
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:26,293
Yes, I'm three months along.
413
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:28,261
Yeah, no, that's the last time
414
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:32,399
I'll buy a pregnancy test
off a boat.
415
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,434
Well, let's bust out
the very cheap,
416
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,403
non-alcoholic champagne.
417
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,271
Non-alcoholic?
418
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,407
Yeah, Sophie can't drink
when she's pregnant.
419
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,641
Oh, all right.
420
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:43,643
Well, then,
the five martinis
421
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,679
that I had on the plane
were my last.
29965
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