Original subtitles

(SIN GIN G) Who's got the sweetest disposition?

One guess, guess who?

Who never, never starts an argument?

WO MAN: Hmm?

Who never shows a bit of temperament?

Who's never wrong but always right?

DONALD: Yeah?

Who'd never dream of starting a fight?

DONALD: That so?

Who gets stuck with all the bad luck? No one...

(DONALD Q UACKIN G AN GRILY)

... but Donald Duck!

DONALD: Yeah!

Howdy! I'm J.J. Fate, fall guy.

My middle name is Jonah and Jinx is in there, too.

Hoodoo fits me like a gloVe, but Fate's my name to you.

(CLEARIN G THRO A T)

Now, this is an average neighborhood.

These are average homes.

Average people live in these homes.

And here comes an average citizen, home from work.

(TRAM BELL RINGING)

Safe! At home.

He thinks.

Ah, yes,

be it ever so humble,

there's no place like home

to haVe an accident!

Do you realize that nearly fiVe million people

suffered in home accidents last year?

And everybody blames me, dag nabbit!

Just for example...

(QUACKS)

EVerything happens to me! It's fate!

That's what it is, fate!

Listen to him blame me for his carelessness.

(SCOFFS)

You know, accidents just don't happen by themselVes,

they must be carelessly planned in adVance.

So, step right up and have an accident.

The average home is really a complicated piece of machinery.

Equipped with all the modern conveniences

for having an accident.

If you insist.

He did.

This one is called a throw rug, for obVious reasons.

(CRASHING)

Accidents happen fast, don't they?

Let's just slow the picture down

and see how he accomplished it.

Note how easy it is to have an accident.

Just a few carelessly misplaced objects...

Hold it, we missed one, let's try that again.

And there you have it.

An awkward attitude by an inattentive, accident-prone individual.

Well, here we go again.

(EX CLAIMING)

(SPLASHING)

Ah!

(RAZOR BUZZING)

(CRACKLING)

It's hard to believe,

but Mr. Duck is really an upstanding, aVerage citizen,

with aVerage intelligence.

(LAUGHS)

Kind, considerate, jolly, and usually Very cautious.

He wouldn't take a chance sitting in an electric chair.

But look at the chances he takes around his home.

(CRACKLING)

EVeryone knows it's stupid to oVerload electrical equipment.

Frayed cords, frazzled nerVes.

Doggone, infernal contraption!

He certainly wouldn't put his head in a lion's mouth.

But...

So now he's cooking with gas.

(GAS HISSING)

He's gonna burn his hand.

(EX CLAIMING)

I got a spot.

Cleaning fluid plus stoVe equals

a sure-fire method for remoVing spots.

He wouldn't think of going oVer Niagara Falls in a barrel, but...

This particular maneuver is called

falling down stairs.

There are many ways of doing this, if you aren't careful.

The bumps-a-daisy half twist,

jelly roll,

catapult high dive,

(PAN TIN G) climbing Mount Everest,

riding a rolly coaster.

Now, Mr. Duck doesn't take chances, he's just careless.

Oh, yes! That's one I forgot to mention.

That's the last straw!

I'm going to work, where it's safe.

FA TE: This is an average neighborhood.

These are average homes. Average people live here,

having average accidents

because they don't use average intelligence.

It's like I said,

don't blame fate for your carelessness.