All language subtitles for Helen Dorn - Mordose s5e1

This is me, Miran Jojan, grew up in a brandenburgian town.

My parents came from Afghanistan to Germany.

I started to share my photographic work on Instagram.

That changed my life quite a bit.

I met these three people through Instagram.

Tanja, Valeria and Daniel.

Models from Russia and Ukraine.

We became very quickly friends.

We have benefited from each other.

I could work with exciting models.

They had new photos for their portfolio.

At the beginning of the year, all three had their families back home,

to make a better life for themselves and their parents.

They had not had a lot of dreams.

And followers of social media.

Then came the war.

And my friends were even more absurd as it was.

What does that do with people,

when their dreams come to a world crisis?

I woke up from a phone call of my father.

He called me around five or six in the morning.

And he's like, fucking wake up.

The war just started.

And the fact was nothing oh,

I told me.

Why did I get that love with my Although?

I told me,

I was exhausted for these people.

I told you my brother,

Did you know where Did you know how to die?

Whatever is it?

When were you and know them ago?

And now I came back in my grave.

I came back to you.

I said this Physical change creating bekommt

This is me, sleeping on the one, two, three blankets, because we're broke.

I didn't choose from the beginning. It was more like destiny and life just gave me some opportunities, and I came here, and then I just got my friends, and I got some, I don't know, and then I start feeling, I actually feel nice to live here, like it's comfortable for me, because there's nothing to do there, in my city.

My name is Tanya Chodnovskaya. I'm from the middle part of Russia, from the city called Cherebinsk, and I'm a model who lives in Berlin.

My family tell me all the time, do everything you can to stay in Europe, like do all the documents, hire a guy who will take care of your taxes.

I got at the point where they need my help. Also, like, sometimes I do shitty jobs, because I know that I need to support my parents.

I look like a beautiful baby angel. Everyone should love themselves.

That's also a secret of a good service.

No, this is... No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

No, no, this is not the right way. This shit's supposed to be all around. Wait.

No, I need to see again what it's supposed to be.

Okay, Miran, can you switch it off for a sec?

I like this a lot.

Let's try to make them on the balcony, and then if you have some...

My name is Valeria Karaman. I'm from Kiev.

When I was 14, I signed a contract with agency New York, Next Model Management, and I went to New York.

And since then I've been traveling all the time, non-stop, changing my homes every couple of years.

And now I'm in Berlin.

Originally, I'm from Moldavia, from Transnistria. It's a small country in the middle of...

In the middle of... between Romania and Moldova, somewhere there in Ukraine.

And my family moved to Ukraine, to the south of Ukraine, when I was four years old, something like this.

Because there was a war in Benderi, in my hometown. So we moved to Ukraine.

So many things that we are rich and we have makeup artists. No, we are our own makeup artists.

That's how we get rich, basically.

Isn't it funny that they found you on Instagram?

I know. Yeah, I know. It's funny.

And at some point, sometimes I was thinking, like, Instagram is shit.

It's just for some hype that doesn't bring you that much.

Because I have other stuff to do.

I have, like, my clothing brand.

I have my punk band in Kiev.

We are breaking the stereotypes about East European women.

Because we are actually...

We are actually cool and we are more strong than our men in East Europe.

And also, I'm into movies.

What was your favorite movie you played in?

Ah, biggest movie that I played in was The Lighthouse by Robert Eggers.

Played by William Defoe and Robert Pattinson.

And I was playing The Mermaid, The Evil Mermaid.

I think Instagram is my main source right now.

Because there's no limits for me in Instagram now.

For me, it's also the way the clients get jobs, get money.

How many messages do you get per day?

So, all of this is from today only.

And I didn't talk.

I was all day busy.

Miracle.

Unreal.

Too beautiful.

Wow.

You're so beautiful.

Are you in Milan?

I would like to shoot you.

Come to Amsterdam.

Happy to work with you.

Give me this hair.

Oh, my God.

Fuck.

Wow, wow, wow.

I need an assistant for my Instagram.

And then when you're posting pictures and then you don't get that much likes.

And then you're like, did I do something wrong?

Am I not that funny anymore?

Am I not that cute anymore?

Am I not that interesting anymore?

And you're like also starting around.

I had a Berlin agency and they actually found me in social media and invited me to come to Germany.

And first I was super suspicious because like maybe he will sell me on organs or something.

That's what all the Russian adults were telling me.

And a few months later I came to Berlin my first time.

The first week I got here they said, okay, now we need to clean your Instagram.

They were telling me that I look ugly here or ugly there.

Why you posted this?

You look like a crack whore.

You have to be skinny.

You have to be beautiful.

You have to be this.

You have to be that.

They have to like you.

I don't want to live in fear because of being a model.

So I quit the agency.

And now I'm thinking to try to be an agent for myself.

I really like Peter's style and I'm always happy to shoot with him.

And it's always fun, you know, we're just chilling and making great pictures.

But there is no pressure on the shooting like, okay, do this.

It's like, okay, cool, let's do this, let's try this.

And if it's not going to work out, everyone is just having fun.

And then you get like great results because you were into the shooting.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Hello. Hi. Is it Vogue magazine?

My name is Daniel Nikiforo. I'm from Kyiv, Ukraine.

I'm doing modern for now.

I came here for a week before Milan just to visit the person I liked and met once in Kyiv.

I fell in love and I moved here and I lived here in Kyiv, here and there.

And then we got married and...

Yeah, and now we're not married anymore.

I mean, we still are, but we are getting divorced.

I threw it in the river. I really did.

Drama. Keeping up with Daniel Nikiforo.

Next slide.

I mean, it's a huge difference because I live in Kyiv.

It's the capital city of Ukraine and it's really nice.

I'm from there. I'm really happy.

But still, because it's a post-Soviet Union country, and I mean, of course, it's getting better every year.

But still, it's behind Berlin especially because Berlin is extremely open-minded, I would say.

And here I feel so free and like I feel safe when I'm walking on the streets.

But there people take it as a serious change in I'm a woman for them.

And it's not normal.

I'm supposed to follow some stereotypes about how people should look, how people should live their life and stuff.

But here you have choice.

Hello.

Yeah, I just wanted to ask actually about the money for the music video.

You told me that I'm getting it today.

There was the deal, no? Like that I do the job and I get the money directly.

That's why I did this job. I don't understand.

To be continued.

I noticed that, so now the party is coming, so I'm not modeling anymore, but I don't know,

I actually started making music.

This is the first song I did completely by myself.

And I'm so proud to show it, it's crazy, I'm just, I'm just so happy, actually like super

afraid, I don't know, I never felt it was modeling actually, I mean I'm still, I like

to take part in shootings, I like beautiful pictures, I like, it's really also a small

role and it's really amazing too, I love it, but it's not that I would do it like, I don't

know.

Next level in a way.

Thank you so much.

Of course, I'm so happy you showed it to me.

Thank you so much, thank you so much.

I'm really, it's like, it's so, I don't know, you know, first I was imagining like big stages

and like, even just my friends gonna listen to it while driving in the car, it also means

so much, it's like so crazy if someone listens to you.

Feeling free, moving my body.

Feeling free, moving my body.

Feeling free

Moving my body

I am afraid

My life is a movie

Oopsie

I'm coming again

To cold tea

Dancing on the beer

Let me just be

Let me just be

On Thursday I went to immigration office again

At 5am

Just to make sure I'm going to be the first one

In the queue

I spent there like the whole day

And I went there

It was like five minutes interview

She looked at all my documents

And she was like you don't have a visa

I was like yeah I know I came here

As a tourist with my biomedical passport

But I wouldn't apply from here

Without leaving

Because my family lives here

My husband lives here

So I don't want to leave

Especially during the situation in the world

And you never know what's going to happen next

And she looked at me and she was like sorry

I can't do anything

And I mean at that point

I didn't expect much to be honest

I'm not sure like when I'm going to be able to come back

I feel like a ghost you know

Like I'm still here I'm present

But everything is fading kind of

Sometime before I had key from any kind of doors

And I could easily open all those doors

And now I feel like I lost that key

Feels like I've lost my lucky charm

That kind of feeling

And I'm saying that I don't want just

I don't want just to be a pretty girl

I want to be worthy

And I want to bring something great

And useful to this world

I want to be useful

So they're here

Thank you

I love it.

It is.

This one.

This one.

This one.

And everything what we are feeding now,

like what we are happy for feeding now,

it's like sustainable designers only,

which is a cool thing.

Sometimes if you are not like Bella Hadid or something,

you cannot choose which designer you want to work with.

And sometimes you're like,

okay, I don't really like their politics

and they're like actually douchebags,

but what can I do?

I need some money.

I need to send some money to my mom.

You know, that kind of vibes.

Yeah, so you don't have so much choice.

And I like so much recently Bella Hadid,

she had some post where she was saying something like,

you should stay up for yourself and say what you really think.

Don't be afraid to be cancelled by some of the designers.

If they want you, they'll take you.

And I'm like, yeah, sure.

Of course, it makes sense.

No, it's not.

In reality, sometimes you have no choice.

If you're a model, you cannot say like,

oh, I don't like that they're making super plastic clothes

and they're using some Chinese kids to sew and make all these clothes.

I don't want to work with them.

You're like, okay, I also need to eat something,

pay for my rent, pay for my tickets, accommodations,

help my family.

I mean, especially if you're from East Europe,

you always have these like things about your family

because you're like, okay, my parents, they're my kids.

And if you still have grandparents,

you also have grandchildren.

Sometimes make you feel like that?

Yeah, of course, a lot.

That was always the biggest problem of my depressions actually

because I was like, I couldn't see the sense of what I'm doing.

So, I love you.

You are friends.

This is definitely an oldish song.

And this is an oldish song.

I feel like staying as you're into a group of animals and plants today.

They have nice mirrors there. I don't feel fat when I look.

Do you feel fat?

Yeah, most of the time, actually.

I think it's some of my trauma from working in fashion for too long, you know.

Do you feel fat sometimes?

Yeah, I mean, like, you don't compare yourself to, like, to just like a normal person.

You compare yourself to a hanger for clothes, you know.

Yeah, for the mannequin. You compare yourself to mannequin.

Let me check.

Oh, fuck.

I forgot the fucking keys.

Yeah, it was a really hard day.

I just came back from the embassy because I needed to do a new visa because mine was over.

And usually the first time they gave it to me for two years, then they gave it to me for one year.

And I was pretty sure because I got my tax number and I was fucking with this tax number for one year.

I was sure they couldn't give it to me.

And now I did new insurance, but it's Russian and it's wrong.

I don't make enough money to stay here, which is complete bullshit because I make enough money for living, but not enough for the government, apparently.

I started making music and modeling and, like, it's all going to stop in Russia.

I'm just going to destroy myself there because there's no progress in here.

everything is so fast and I'm so happy.

I'm just scared because my life is here.

And I don't want to go back because of some stupid things.

I can afford life here.

I look depressed.

Why do you think so?

I don't know.

I mean, I feel maybe a bit sad, but I'm not depressed though.

I feel like other people expect me to be really sad because I'm leaving, like, on Monday.

But I'm not, I mean, I'm not upset.

Kyiv is nice because I have, like, a completely, like, freedom there.

I can do whatever.

I can see my family.

It's always fun.

And to be honest, Kyiv is really beautiful.

Like, for me, Berlin is, like, an amazing place, but, like, picture-wise, Kyiv is super pretty.

And I love the Slav vibe.

It's nice.

And the food.

Oh.

I'm going to eat so much.

My mom's going to make dumplings on Monday.

Hmm.

I can't wait.

Bye, Tanya.

Bye, Miran.

Bye.

My beautiful Aldi.

My up.

One, two, three, three.

ummer circle of people.

Him was handsome.

My love was so good.

HisShow shop came to all the way for the long- contact on Monday.

Okay.

My arms is so good.

I come to Friday.

I'm hungry after it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

People, like normal people don't hate Russians and Russians don't hate Ukrainians, but I don't know, when it comes to this government stuff, it's so crazy, I don't understand.

Today we are on the crossing, on the yacht, living our best life.

We are a kind of stars here.

Not kind, we are singers.

In the back of the day, the days in Ukraine will be absurd and for my three friends will probably never again be possible.

A last time, Unbeschwertheit.

Tanja and I visit Daniel and Valeria in Kiev.

It's Spätsommer 2021.

They made a movie about how this Rodina Vat was made.

So cool.

I mean, like, she's so cute and she has, like, I don't know, I think she's more embraced than Statue of Liberty.

And she's not, like, I'm a Statue of Liberty.

She's like, no, I'm a barrier.

That's how Ukrainian women are.

Protect and fight.

The night has been masuk,

One, one, two, one, four, three, four, four, five!

so i posted this video where i'm sucking my feet on the story but it was a screenshot from the video

and the guy texted me i want to see the full video how much and i was like 150 he said okay paypal

and i said okay yeah i sent him my paper and he said actually i don't even need such a like

creative video i just want you to do like this with your feet like this wait censorship censorship

it's too expensive expensive yeah like and then he said is it a one-time deal and i said i mean

we can do long-term business relationships and he said wow i didn't know that you're like selling

heat videos my mother i was like you saw the video i posted i was like the guy bought it for 150 and

she was like wow ask him if he wants my feet and i was like mom i can tell him i have a really hot mom

i like and she was like no no tanya lol i'm not gonna do this but she was like you go girl

but it's also like i i was wearing full clothes you know he just cared about the feet but i don't care

this person like it was my first job and it was my first income in three months so i'm like brah

in kiev lerne ich das erste mal daniels freund und seine eltern kennen vor denen hat er sich noch

nicht geoutet

how are you i'm also a fucking exhausted this real long day like i go with 10 and it's closed

how are you i'm super tired how are you i'm also super tired

procedures it went well actually his face is like better than mine mine was like fucked up

yeah look at mine you see mine great thank you so much but what was it what did you do today

it was like bio revitalization i'm like everything is so cheap and i'm like

it all adds up but i think in the end because it's a different currency yeah i mean it's also

yeah i'm always trying trying to count and then i'm like it's so cheap and so cheap but i spend

so much like but okay i'm on vacation yeah you should just go a while honestly okay good luck

peeing i haven't worked in a while honestly because i was just like i missed fashion because i didn't

have my passport um because i sent it to the embassy and like they didn't give it to me for like eight

months which is like really bad i'm just gonna go to fashion league to milan in september for a month

and then i was really sad because i was waiting for that like for like a really long time

and at some point they were just like postponing postponing i was like no like

you give me the passport right now or i'm gonna sue you and they send me the passport like in two days

yeah we're boyfriends now we're boyfriends now it's official we're dating she's saying what's the

difference okay congratulations guys yeah this is the this is the response we're going to get from

everybody right there really no way no shit yeah i mean valor did yeah good she's saying it's ready

7 more people

wow wow wow she'll wish i can't finish she won 6 years

how about she can't and than ndom she became a mare

because

oh really

it's his birthday

Really?

Just much?

Just at once.

Ah!

Very nice.

It's a celebration.

It's 26.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

We're celebrating!

Super sweet.

I feel like home, actually.

And they're like, me and Daniel also have really similar background, I would say.

Like, our families are super simple, super loving, and super open-minded, I would say,

actually.

And we really feel like home, and I haven't seen my family for like two years.

So I really feel like home there.

23.

28.

23.

25.

23.

23.

23.

23.

24.

24.

25.

23.

25.

25.

25.

26.

25.

25.

25.

27.

28.

27.

I'm from Ural.

25.

25.

25.

25.

27.

25.

25.

from Turkey but we are living here nice are you living in Berlin there are many

Slavic people already living in Berlin just super international city I would

say but yeah and I think it's also like a lot about artists you know it's kind of

like hard for us to make you know like to make visa even and go there

that's me is it like you was a lake in Switzerland yeah yeah you have a nice

s thank you I'm working for it what are you doing for this s didn't say anything

didn't say or you do music or are you look crazy oh so interesting oh what do

you do are you a model nice s she has a nice s and I was really trying to like go

away from this image that I am a model even though I still make money like that

that and now and now people actually see me as a musician a bit harder to get jobs

but I take risks I'm just I think trying not to expect anything in my life just do

what I really want to do and what inspires me and what I have passion for and I think

I really like I don't know I was scared and I really made this decision that I

want people like to change my Instagram and image but I'm sure it's all gonna turn

turn on great I believe in it

you

be

There is a parade now in Kyiv, in Ukraine in general, there is an independence day of Ukraine.

30 years of independence, and still nothing is fixed.

Economically wise, our country is going so low, it's going to be so bad soon, it's already really bad.

The currency is really low, not so bad as in Russia, but still not a pleasant thing.

Also the prices are getting higher and higher every few months.

The salaries of people are actually getting lower, so I don't know how they're surviving.

I'm working in Europe and I'm kind of safe.

But in general, I think that this parade is a little bit of a bullshit.

It's just like few countries left in the whole world who are making these parades, showing all the weapons they have, these tanks, helicopters and blah, blah, blah.

What for? It's such a huge waste of money.

And I think it's because of this economical situation people are so mad here.

the gamble US will actually win a little bit like this.

Where do you go, where do you go?

I just don't know I'm not so good in politics but it feels like everything is getting worse

yeah and my parents everything what they think about the situation they're just so scared that

they're gonna be stuck in Ukraine at some point they didn't move out when it was time when they

were still young and you know when all the opportunities were in front of them so now

they really don't want me to do the same to have the same life as they have just like struggling

struggling struggling counting money all the time watching news waiting for some news that there is

another war or something my father he's uh because he's a sailor he's all the time abroad and my mom

she sees him just like a couple of months per half a year it's maximum and she's lonely all the time

and she lives in the south of ukraine and super small town where there is nothing to do and i'm

not around since i was 14 because like when i had this possibility to move away from ukraine and work

my parents they were like uh you're still a baby but yeah go go maybe it's the only chance you can

use in this life maybe it's the only chance for you to be happy maybe it's the only chance for you to

have an opportunity in this life to be something something bigger than just a little little sand piece

in this whole world that lives for nothing and dies for nothing

we're going to buy it can we pay by card

oh yes

let's go let's go come on guys let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

let's go

my phone got stolen

my phone got stolen

i had a crazy panic attack

i was like this on the stage and i was crying when i realized that it was stolen

everything seemed like impossible and like i really felt like all my life is in the phone and then i thought

okay when i'm coming back to berlin i'm coming back to berlin i'm getting the phone the first thing but actually i feel fucking amazing i never i don't know it's like i haven't i haven't felt so good in really really long time

i don't have anxiety anymore i don't have panic attacks i don't have overthinking i'm just by myself and i really feel like i live my life for myself

not for anyone not for anyone not for anyone to see not for anyone to appreciate not for anyone to say

oh that's cool or that's bad or that's this i just feel calm and confident actually

and i live my life for myself

okay we have to use that

okay

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

it's like a stressful atmosphere you know i mean honestly it was like stressful last months

especially when my visa expired and i had to be here um for two months without visa but i got it

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

no then go to her son because the airport just been bumped so that was the moment when i started

to shake and i was like okay the airport where my parents are staying my mom my father two dogs

my grandparents my uncle all of them they're there uh my boyfriend who was in berlin coordinating

me what to take and what to leave and we ran to the railway station didn't know what to do

we occasionally found the train to warsaw it's only one stop at warsaw so coming to every stewardess

and asking them please please can we go inside any money please please can we go inside please

please and they're like who's your friend anyways with my friend which passport he has and i was

like he's german they're like yeah first people that we need to evacuate are foreigners come inside

the train stopped there was an explosion in front of our train that destroyed the connections and it

all this okay switch off your phones switch off all the signals uh be quiet and they switch and they

switched off all the lights in the train and i was just sitting like this on the floor waiting for

i don't know what so we had to go back and when we started to move back i was like are we going back

to kiev fuck i can't believe we're going back to kiev but uh the guy who was uh the main guy at the

train i don't remember how it's called in english he said like no no we're going to europe but other

way around like we're gonna have a long trip my parents stuck in in her son i don't know how she's

handling all this but it's not the first war for my mom we used to live in moldova which then became

transmystria so she already went through one war or which one of my otherük ho Rex Miller

stop you and didn't leave the electric bus either do whatever you want to make so you and what that has

We didn't take the backpack, we wanted to check them out,

but on the road this air-treatment started.

I hope everything will be fine, everything will be able to do.

I'll show you, there are some rooms organized,

there are a spare exit, all the exit are checked, they are open.

People sit here, people even night, so don't be here.

Breathe in between.

Breathe in between.

Then wait.

Breathe in the background.

So I did this post like it's a raffle for Ukraine

in the nation, so you can donate in 10 euro, you can donate more of course, and then

I choose a winner and the winner gets the dress and the bag, and all the donations are

going to different organizations which are helping Ukraine.

So my post, raffle for Ukraine, donate, dress by Olivia, bag by Jolie Couture, then the person

is texting me in my DMs, hey, where's this stunning dress from?

Actually, I was just like crying last five days, and then I felt like I want to open

my soul and myself with the performance.

So I was like, I'm going to be naked and cover with hearts.

So I was like, I'm going to be naked and I'm going to be naked and I'm going to be naked and I'm going to be naked.

I was like, I was there.

Emocional stress

царя

и подел

песни

из этой любовной

колы

Did you see it?

Of course.

Oh, thank you so much.

Don't worry.

I'm so happy that you saw it.

You know, it was a bit rough.

No, it was exactly what we needed.

I don't know, I just didn't prepare at all because of the whole situation, but I just wanted to have fun, you know what I mean?

Thank you so much for coming.

I'll see you later.

Are you going home?

Yes.

It's time for me.

We'll have to sleep in 10 minutes and sleep in the morning.

That's right.

That's right, that's right.

What do you do tomorrow?

We'll see.

We'll see.

We'll see.

We'll see.

We'll see.

That's right.

You can't find a place.

We'll see.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

No, no.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, we can't prepare home?

I love you.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

I was not sure if I should do it,

because everyone is just so sad.

And I also felt sad.

We don't know how to be out there.

But

since yesterday,

I just feel

that's my mission,

to give love.

Not to be,

because there are a lot of sadness in this world,

a lot of hate in this world,

a lot of,

I don't know, aggression.

And I think,

if I have power not to be

a part of aggression,

but to find this peace

to spread love,

I should do this.

And,

people said that they felt it.

And it makes me happy,

even if it was five people out of Hungary.

No.

Yeah.

I'm open.

I'm open my soul and myself.

I open my weaknesses.

I open my...

Yeah, just

weak, vulnerable sides of me.

And I open my heart and my soul.

So...

And I feel good about it.

I was wondering...

I was in the profession week for a month,

in Paris.

And then,

I started seeing the news

that the war might start on the 16th.

and I was supposed to go back to Kiev on the 18th.

And then I just like,

I was like,

Mom let's just like make a plan for you and dad.

Like just, you know,

where you would wanna live.

Like, let's prepare documents,

so you can leave.

And they were like,

no, Daniel,

that's not gonna happen.

And then I was like,

I was like,

mom,

like just, like,

make a plan for you and dad.

Like just,

you know,

where you would wanna leave.

Like, let's prepare documents

so you can leave.

And they were like,

Like, no, Danielle, like, that's not going to happen.

Then I was like, Mom, it's time to come.

Just, like, for a few days.

If there is no war, like, we can just enjoy Paris.

I'm going to show you Mona Lisa.

And then, like, she was there.

She arrived for the first two days.

It was really cute.

I was showing her Paris.

She loved it.

She was just, like, eating snails and, like, throwing them around.

It was like we had so many great memories.

The day when the war started, like, it was probably, like, 5, 6 a.m.

And I just woke up because, like, my mom was just, like, screaming,

like, literally screaming, like, the war has started.

And then just, like, I started calling, like, Nadia and fucking, like,

please just get your stuff.

I'm sending you money.

Just come here to me.

Even though, like, I've really tried hard to get my dad out of country

and, like, just help my grandma and, like, everyone, like,

I could not just get them out of the country on time.

And it really sucks because, like, even for my mom being here,

the first day she's, like, spent in shock.

She was just staring at the wall and just, like, not talking much.

And then when she would start talking, she would just, like,

just be like, I want to go home.

I want to go home.

Oh

So I'm finally united with my mother. She came to Premushe, from where she took a car with all her luck, just with this little one.

And now we're on the train to Brandon from Warsaw.

Finally.

I've been crying a little bit before, so she's finally kind of okay.

She's super tired after three days of the trip.

Party, Eva?

Now I'll take my phone and see how it worked through Deutsche Bahn.

And you're already doing it through Deutsche Bahn?

I'm somehow connected.

Where's my phone?

Here's my phone.

And we chose the price.

We have to decide which price.

There's no other price. We need to check the price.

I've managed to convince my mother to come to Germany as well.

Because my hometown has been under Russian occupation from the first day of the war.

It was pretty hard.

It took me probably two months to convince her.

And basically I was terrorizing her on the phone.

She was like crying, screaming, then telling her that she's egocentric and stuff like this.

And if she wants to ruin my life with just like dying under the rockets and stuff, she can do this.

And that was the thing which really convinced her to come.

To convince my father was harder.

He also didn't want to go because my grandparents, they refused to go anywhere.

And they decided that they're going to stay there.

And if it meant to be for them, you know, if it meant for them to die in the occupation, they want to die at their home, on their land.

And they don't want to go anywhere.

They're like told to start their life from scratch.

Now we are trying to find them apartments.

Right now they are staying with friends of ours.

Before I was writing them another apartment.

And at some point they are also staying at our sofa, which is like not convincing for two 50-year-old people at all.

And yeah, but things are moving, things are happening.

Look.

Until 13.08.

The price of the pack L.

All right.

It's great.

It works.

Thank you.

I saw this.

Yes.

I saw this.

They do different things.

Emilia-me comprendre.

Yes.

Do you want to be thumbs up?

Yes.

I knew it.

It was on that scorpion right now.

Yes.

I have to move out to the shops.

Wom!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, yes.

Yes, yes!

Now...

It's him.

It's everybody's tree she is of.

Yes, yes.

You've seen us from the high level.

Then in the circles where you were food, you've got old food at aunt.

I was lost in front of me

This is, I think, Miley, right?

Yes

This is the first one that we filmed, but I don't like it.

But it seems that it could be better.

Not so, of course. But beautiful, I think.

Do you have the meaning of that we are very similar?

This is the first one that we filmed, but I don't like it.

This is the first one that we filmed, but I don't like it.

I don't like it.

The first one, Don't like it.

You should have served before.

You didn't know anything, but you didn't have anything thank you,

but you didn't call it ever since then.

For me to be a mother in爷谭,

I grew up, I knew you knew what you were doing,

You imagined telling me your few things.

Then you recorded I then thought,

I just answered.

Well, how could it be.

And it's just been instantdening with찮as.

After a few years, there was a copy of all your opinions.

Do you think your father understood what happened or not?

Well, he said that you don't need to go anywhere.

Everyone has a choice.

He said that you don't want to go anywhere.

I said that I don't even want to go anywhere.

What do you say now? You don't love him? I said no.

He said that you don't want to go anywhere.

Maybe everything changes, he said.

He said that he tried to go anywhere.

Maybe you don't want to go anywhere.

Well, he doesn't like me.

Well, he doesn't like me.

You really need to learn to learn everything better.

I can't love my son, for example.

Because he chose a different path.

Although, you can't be honest with me.

I can't be honest with you.

What's wrong with me?

I can't be honest with you.

I can't be honest with you.

My mother is living because she tried to create life here, but she's not really happy because my dad is in Kyiv and my grandma is in Kyiv.

Her whole life is in Kyiv and, like, I'm also not here all the time.

Where is it?

She's quiet, alone, and she doesn't speak any, like, any European language, just, like, Russian, Ukrainian.

So, it's hard to make friends and everything she knows in Kyiv, so she just wants to go back.

I mean, she got residency, like, yesterday, so if she will need to come back here, she will.

But, definitely, she's not going to come back without dad and my cat, I think.

My dad wasn't happy at all without her.

She was one of the main bosses of our family, so she needs to be there, like, to make sure everyone's stable and, you know, doing something, not just, like, being depressed the whole time.

Did you try to convince her to stay here?

Yeah, I did.

I did try to convince her for, like, two months.

I was just like, let's, I found a flat, I found, like, we always had food, we always had something to do.

We always, like, I was like, let's do this, let's do that, let's go there.

Let's, like, make the best out of it, but she just needs family, I guess.

It didn't really work.

At some point, for, like, a few days, she was like, yeah, I'm going to stay here, and then, like, a few days after, she would be, like, I don't want to be here.

It's not my place, I don't like being here, like, I never wanted to be here in the first place, I want to be home.

Get out!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Tanja erzählt mir, dass ihr die Wohnung gekündigt wurde und Valeria versucht einen Weg zu finden, mit ihrer Wut zurechtzukommen.

Und ich brauche es nicht.

Alles, was ich benutze und alles, was ich mag, ist hier.

Ich brauche, was von unten.

Okay, lasst es.

Ich liebe die kleine Höhle-Höhle-Höhle-Höhle.

Oh!

Oh!

Hey, wassup?

I have one for you.

So, what are we doing with your bed?

Have you sold it?

No.

Okay.

So, where are you going?

Like, we're moving you out to where?

My plan is to take all my stuff out and then...

Do we have to clean the flat as well?

Go with the flow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It's also, like, here.

It's also, like, you do, like, the gay party.

Gay party.

I'm excited to perform there.

And then I'm going to Paris because my friend is having a birthday.

She's, like, turning 30.

And then I go from here to Mexico.

My plan is to take all my stuff out and then...

My plan is to take all my stuff out and then...

Do we have to clean the flat as well?

Go with the flow.

Do we have to clean the flat as well?

Yeah, yeah.

It's also, like, here.

But it's also kind of, like, you do, like, the gay party.

Gay party.

I'm excited to perform there.

And then I'm going to Paris because my friend is having a birthday.

She's, like, turning 30.

And then I go from here to Mykonos.

Yeah, yeah.

So, Mykonos will be nice.

And, yeah, definitely come for, like, a week.

And we'll just literally just be chilling by the pool and, like, not doing a lot.

Amazing.

No, I'm excited.

Bye.

Love you, ma'am.

Who was this?

It's, like, a friend.

Joseph actually introduced us.

We met in the...

After the boat in Kyiv.

Yeah, and his friend bought a house, like, a villa in Mykonos.

And he's, like, come.

So nice.

I love when gay people would buy me somewhere.

I mean, you just, like, know for sure you're going there just to have fun without any, like,

expectations.

Mm.

Okay.

Let's go over it.

Did you have a lot of situations where people had expectations on you?

I think everyone always have some expectations, but that's not my fault.

It's their problem.

It's their problem.

It's their problem.

You're not quite yet.

It's my fault.

It's so hard.

On the other hand, we're dealing with the body

So it was warm

You're a bit different

On the other hand

On the other hand

On the other hand

On the other hand

Thank you.

Thank you.

It was one week after the war started, and now we are doing the second part of this performance, which is called Tired, because we are so tired, and yeah, and you'll see everything.

It's my birthday.

It's my birthday.

It's my birthday.

Where did you come from?

They're from Kherson.

From...

From here?

No.

I think from here.

And when did they arrive?

They arrived quite a long time ago, in the beginning of summer.

Ah, okay.

And on Monday they finally moved to their apartment, because all this time they were staying with one friend, another friend, another friend.

They refused a few times to change the registration in the smaller city.

I don't know, it was such a hassle, but, shh, fine.

Fine.

That's supportive, isn't it?

Good lunch.

Cheers.

Yeah.

Good luck on your performance.

Bye, bye, bye, bye.

Now I'm trying to appreciate everything, and just, like, be happy, which is super hard, because my mood is like a rollercoaster.

I remember when the war started, and when I was going from Ukraine to Berlin, in the train, and everything around was exploding, and there were some shooters and stuff and so on.

I was going in the train and thinking, wow, will I ever be how I was before? Will everything be how it was before? Like, at least something.

I feel so terrified. Life and my perception has changed so much, and everything that was so important for me has no sense anymore.

And I was thinking, like, is it gonna ever change?

Oh, I'm tired. Oh, I think I need another laugh. If I think I need another ya-ha to begin. Oh, I'm tired. Just to erase all this much.

In the beginning, I was doing a lot of stuff. I was helping a lot of people. Really, we were collecting everything.

It starts from toothbrushes and diapers for babies, like, everything. And then, at some point, after two, three months, I got super ill.

I had fever for one month. I started to go nuts. Like, I was, like, really felt that I'm mentally, like, disabled, that, like, I'm gonna die soon.

And I had this paranoia that I'm dying. Obviously, I'm dying, I'm dying. And literally, I think if I would keep this tempo, I would have no more energy to survive myself.

So, I took a break, and it was actually perfect for me, because I realized that, okay, you did everything you can, but you can't give your all power and dedicate your whole life to help everyone around,

because soon you're not gonna have yourself.

I'm tired of democracy. I'm tired of corruption. I'm tired of bureaucracy. I'm tired of consumption. I'm tired of power harassment. I'm tired of identity. I'm tired of self-reflection.

I'm tired of depression. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being pissed. It makes me want to break a glass to break and piss my fist. I'm tired. She's tired. He's tired. We're so tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired.

I'm tired. I'm tired, I'm tired.

I'm tired, I'm tired.

Of course I don't feel like, perfect right now and stuff, but I feel much better than it was before.

and as soon as I balanced myself I started to have more propositions for

acting jobs so it's kind of I free the space and I took some energy for myself

so now the universe is giving me the opportunities again to live my life

you

I just suppressed all of it and decided to run away, just run away to London where I would

not know anyone, where I would have the space to just like recover and give myself time

and give myself the support that I required for myself.

I mean I also tried I guess to like get closer to my dream and I still believe that London

can be a great place for career and for growing in what I want to do.

But nevertheless I feel like I just gave up my whole life that I knew from before, my

family and friends and kind of like starting everything from a draft where I'm no one and

no one knows me and I'm just a new stranger that comes to the city.

I'm so tired, like I feel that sleeping tail so much, I feel like it's going to last

all day.

I need an ice cold shower and I got four shots of espresso.

Oh my God, I don't know how to find an agency here.

It's so complicated, like people always like saying how great I am and like Scout just comes

to me and the fight and just be like you're so gorgeous, come join our agency.

You need several incomes in London to be able to afford it.

Yeah, like it's not even like 3,000 pounds, like you need to get like four or five to feel

more or less comfortable.

I think 3,000 pounds a month is okay.

But it's, let's say.

But it's the minimum.

But you're fine with 3,000.

If you want to go out and live a nice life, you need four or 5,000 for sure.

I had a call with my grandma yesterday and she wanted to send me a present for my birthday,

which was like 20 euros, her pension is like 50 euros per month.

And she was like, please let me send it to you, you need money, I want you to eat well.

I was like, grandma, no, there is no need to send me money, it's all fine.

I was like, she was really like, I'm going to send you money, no, you're going to take

them.

And I said that she needs to wait until I'm going to come back home and just take this

money in person from her.

And she started crying on the phone.

And honestly, I was checking for the last months, how can I go back to Kyiv just to see

my family, because I didn't see my dad in a year.

And I didn't see my grandma in a year as well.

And it really hurts because I really miss home.

And I really need home.

Realistically, I don't really think, I mean, if I'm wrong, I'm going to be really happy.

But I really, I don't think the war is going to end soon.

I think it's going to take some time.

I will get a steak at a level of the day.

I like it rare.

And I will get it with green beans.

For me, please steak tartare.

But can I have mashed potato instead of French fries?

But now I just really miss my family.

And just, I'm questioning if I did the right choice.

My mom is not stressed at all.

She's actually having a blast.

She's really happy to be back home.

I call her every day, stressing out.

And I say, Mom, are you sure maybe you want to go back to Berlin?

I can make sure it's going to be smooth and safe.

And you don't need to stress out too much about it.

But she's really stubborn.

She says, no, I'm really happy at home.

Which honestly, I think I would be with her really happy as well.

I think family really changes a lot.

No.

This was not on the menu for my steak.

Was it, does it come with it?

Yeah, yeah.

Is it possible to switch for a salad?

Thank you.

Very good.

Even that's not what else was nice about them.

You've still got a Netflix ads, check it out!

Oh, show here, Vero!

How is it, Sapp?

All right, we're taking care of us on the puppy.

Let us go for a baby.

We're getting everybody.

We're getting big.

Let us Chris's prepared for же prácting over them.

What do you want?

We already got feathers like a histogram.

I would do that with a 쏟.

What are you doing?

What are you doing with this baby?

kunnen I'll eat.

All my friends ask me when my sister is in the house.

I only have two friends.

Dad came right now.

Hello.

How are you doing?

Are you on your teeth?

It's piercing.

What do you do?

It's not on your teeth.

No, it's on your teeth.

It's horrible.

I'm listening.

I'm listening every day.

I'm listening to your old tracks.

Blin, I'm so tired.

Yeah.

It's okay.

Now I'll release it.

She's a woman.

We're going to go.

There are plants that want to eat.

Let's love you.

Let's kiss you.

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

It's so crazy.

I haven't been home for like three years at this point.

So long.

And why?

First like the Covid came and like I was scared.

I'm gonna be stuck there.

Like Mel.

My visa.

And then I just got my visa and I was like finally I'm gonna go home after like really three years not seeing them.

And then the war started.

My life is a movie.

I manifested.

Yeah, last time I was in Russia I filmed music video for my first ever song.

And all my family was inside.

They all danced for me.

Super cute in my family.

And yeah, it's so crazy.

In the last like two years two family members of mine from this music video died.

Important thing for my family.

Let me just be.

Let me just be.

Let me just be, okay?

Let me just be, okay?

I noticed I will co-distancing some of myxy dreams.

Where cvdreams

Todos love trees

ivoшееsement

You