All language subtitles for Skidoo (1968)-en

No, Harry. Not that.

No, I don't wanna see that.
No, Harry. Not that.

No, I don't wanna see that.

Harry!

I have here a copy
of your hotel registration.

Now you too can be beautiful
and sexually desirable like me-

Is this your signature?
I refuse to answer.

...instead of being that fat,

disgusting, foul-breathed...

- slimy, wallowing sow
that you are.

Commence evasive zig-zag
pattern, Commander.

Set extra lookouts.
Aye, aye-

- Maybe we blondes do have more fun.
- Feel big.

Drink pig.

No, Harry.
I don't like films on TV.

They always cut them
to pieces.

Get the crime thing,
will ya, Harry?

I'm tryin'. I'm tryin'.

General Quarters. All hands on-

You'll never lose your man
if you drink Fat Cola

No, Harry.

You will never lose your man
if you drink Fat Cola

You'll never have to worry
about losing him

Puff, puff, puff, puff
Puff, puff, puff

If you want to have a girly
you must puff, puff, puff

Harry, I want the crime thing.

I warn you again that you
are under oath. There it is.

I refuse to answer on the grounds
it may tend - It's Charlie!

to incriminate me. He
looks a lot older now than-

- Hey!
- Get a gun for everyone in your family.

Remember, for family fun,
get your gun.

Come on, Harry.

I don't wanna see this.
I wanna see Charlie!

Well, I don't.
Switch it back, Harry.

I can't. Tony took the
control gizmo. Tony!

I don't wanna see your
Charlie. Do you mind?

I do mind.

Once in a million years
there's something I wanna see.

I wanna see
the crime thing.

Tough.
Okay. War.

You need a deodorant
Deodorant

I said a brand-new scent
Deodorant I need a brand-new scent

New Daisy Chain Deodorant

Now, you were seen
by some 20 witnesses.

- Medical science has proven-
- ... refuse to answer on-

...approved toothpaste with
wonder ingredient C.I.A. 60-

- ... suggest that you- - ...
dandruff, athletes' foot and the common-

- And I warn you again that you're
under- - ... suffer aches and pains?

- Upset stomach? Ulcers?
- ... that you are under oath.

- ... disease, cancer, birth
defects - ... to answer on grounds-

- ... mental illness, ringworm,
poison ivy-

...tooth decay, acne,
dandruff, athletes'-

- ... refuse to answer on grounds-
- ... measles, brain tumor-

I'm warning you. I might have to
cite you for contempt of the senate.

...small pox, syphilis,
plague, influ-

- ... may tend to incriminate- -
... hepatitis and St. Vitus' dance?

I warn you again-

Well, you're in luck, friend.

Pick a pack of Peters' Perfidious
Pink Pacifying Placebo Pills.

- ... refuse to answer on- - ... never lets
ya down, down, down, but picks you up, up-

...up- up- up-

You are Mario Benedict-

Better known as "Eggs"?

I refuse to answer on the grounds
it may tend to incriminate me.

And does your refusal to answer have
anything to do with those bandages?

What bandages?

Looking through this
hospital report-

There are 23 bullet holes
hidden under those bandages.

Well, I was cleaning my gun
and it went off.

- Twenty-three times? - Believe me, I
was just as surprised as you are, Senator.

When do we eat around here?
It's 8:00, for cryin' out loud.

Dinner is when I finish
watching this.

It's like a crummy class reunion
- "Flo's beaus of 1952."

Hey, Tony!
Whitey Farrell.

...grounds that it may tend
to incriminate me.

He looks 103 years old.
He hasn't aged a day.

I refuse to answer on
the grounds that it may-

You always did go for Whitey,
didn't you? It wasn't Whitey.

I don't give a damn who it
was. I don't want to know.

All I want
is something to eat.

I can make you a nice Western
omelet - tend to incriminate me.

It wasn't Benedict?
It wasn't Benedict.

What the hell do I care? I'm not
the suspicious kind - signature?

If I was, would I have married a
dame that's three months' pregnant?

...answer on the grounds that
it may tend to incriminate me.

I might have to cite you
for contempt.

She just does that
to get my goat.

Should have never got
married. Who needs it?

Oh, no, Tony.
You're much better off.

Believe me.
I ought to know.

I go home at night-
Nothin'.

No kids, no yellin'-
Nothin'.

What do you think, Harry?
About what?

Darlene
- Who does she look like? Flo.

What are you talkin' about? Flo
- She doesn't have Flo's mouth.

Now, who does her mouth
remind you of?

She's got
your guts, Tony.

Yeah.

Tony. Tony!

- What?
It's the Mallow brothers.

What do you mean,
the Mallow brothers?

I'm tellin' you, that's their car.
I'd know it anywhere. A '37 Rolls.

- So it's a '37 Rolls.
- Tony, that yellow stripe-

They had it done special.
I know-

I- I drove them for six months.

They don't even know where I am.
They've been in Puerto Rico for 20 years.

You know where they are.

Let's get the hardware.

And as one witness
follows another,

Senator Humble is getting
the same answer...

Senator Kefauver got in 1950 and
1951, and Senator McClellan got-

Would you look someplace else, for
cryin' out loud? - in 1963 and 1964-

The Fifth Amendment.
It's a battle with you!

There are rumors
of a break, however,

connected with the mysterious disappearance
of George "Blue Chips" Packard.

But so far the government
is keeping a tight lip.

Where's the light?
Look out.

All right, I got the
hardware, Harry. Come on.

Tony! Tony!

Tony!

It's always a battle with you.
Will you go downstairs?

They must have a smoke
bomb. Go ahead. Go ahead.

You ruined a perfectly good pan.
This is Teflon, Tony.

No time for this, Flo. The
Mallow brothers are out there.

Go on.
The Mallow brothers?

Shut up.

Would you find yourself
another tree, for-

But what do you
want to be?

You know what I wanna be?
What?

Nothin'. You dig?

It's my daughter.

What is she doin' with the Mallow
- Shut up.

Come on.

Man, how I wish I
could be nothin'. What?

Nothin'.
Nothing?

If you can't dig nothing,
you can't dig anything.

You dig?
You mean,

if I could be nothing,
I would be everything?

You dig.

I mean, that's why the
establishment cats are not makin' it.

They're diggin' the 9:00-to-5:00
bag- Rush of the city.

What's happening in the news instead
of what's happening in themselves.

Tony, what is she
- Shh! You dig?

Now I see
what you mean.

Everything we need is
right here inside ourselves.

Hey, you dig.

I mean, like, the vibrations
are there, dewdrop.

You know, I really think
we could make it, you and I.

- I really feel
we could make it.

Tony, it's not a Mallow brother.
It's an Indian.

He's not an Indian.
He's bleeding.

- Tony, that's, like, it's one of
those hippies. - That's it.

And no lousy hippie is gonna
make it with my daughter.

Daddy, that's not what he
meant. I just met him in town.

I know what he meant.
He wanted to-

Daddy, I don't think he
even knows what he wants.

What is he, a faggot?
What's all this?

Darlene? Who's this?

It's a hippie. She's
bringin' home hippies now.

Will somebody please help him?
He's bleeding, for cryin' out loud.

Tony, come on.
You stay out of this, Flo.

You spoiled her
rotten already.

I spoiled her? I spoiled
her rotten? Yes. Look at her.

Look at how she dresses.
She doesn't even wear lipstick.

Come on, Tony.
He's bleeding.

No daughter of mine
is gonna marry any hippie.

Who's talking about
marriage, for heaven's sake?

Hippies don't even
get married.

Is that any better?
Groovy.

- Who's your tailor, Sittin' Bull?
- Once more, man.

You heard me. What do you go
around dressed like that for?

Hey, we can't all
be undertakers, man.

- Don't push me, punk.
- Tony!

It's okay. Violence is the sign
language of the inarticulate.

What is he talkin' about? Do
you know what he's talkin' about?

Of course. Stash is only
interested in nothing.

He isn't taken in
by our false values.

So how come you're drivin'
a beat-up Rolls-Royce?

Why aren't you drivin'
a beat-up Ford?

Will somebody answer the
door, for cryin' out loud?

How come, Mr. Stash?

How does that go along with your
values? Well, I don't believe it.

Hechy! Hechy! Tony,
look who's here. Hechy.

Oh, uh, yeah. I forgot you
were goin' to drop in tonight.

Let's go in the other
room, where we can talk.

For cryin' out loud.
Tony, what-

What do you mean,
comin' over to this house?

Who's he?
That's Angie.

Angie? The last time I saw him he was-

Now he runs Oregon
and Idaho.

He's in the business, huh? Next
year he gets the whole Northwest.

Next year Darlene
goes to Vassar.

That her in there?
Very attractive.

Say, is that why
you came tonight?

To introduce the two kids?
No.

Tony-

God summons you. Tonight.

What is this, a gag?

God has a little job
for you, Tony.

Whoa, no. Nothin' doin'.
I'm retired.

He let me retire 17 years ago,
when I married Flo.

He released me
from his jurisdiction.

You're never out
of his jurisdiction.

He even gave me
my new name.

He said, "You wanna go legit?
Okay. What's more legit than Banks?"

That's how I got my name
- Tony Banks. That's right. I was there.

Tony, Packard is turning
state's evidence.

Packard? He can hurt us bad, Tony.

He's power-hungry. He
thinks he can take over.

- You gotta kiss 'im, Tony.
- Are you nuts or somethin'?

Packard used to be
my best friend.

He was Darlene's godfather,
for God's sake.

That's why God needs you.

You're the only one Packard
won't suspect. Oh, no.

If it's gotta be done,
somebody else is gonna do it.

I saved the tree once,
remember?

If it wasn't for me,
the whole organization...

would have been finished
17 years ago.

Packard's in Rock Island
Federal Pen.

Maximum security.
I'm not gonna do it.

Besides, how could I get
to him if he's in the pen?

We get you in,
we get you out.

Nobody can be arrested, tried and
sentenced that fast. It's impossible.

Everything's possible
when God wants it.

Quick, quick, quick!

Hechy, I'm a member
of the town council.

Darlene is goin'
to Vassar next year.

Damn it, Tony,
when God says you go, you go.

When God says you go,
you go.

You just can't walk in here
and tell me to kiss Packard,

and expect me to give up everything
I've been working for all these years?

Tony, look, we're wasting time.
Let's go.

Come on now Tony.
You used to be good pals.

When? He was a messenger.
He's still a messenger.

Okay. I gave you the message.

The answer is no.

You know God don't take
such an answer.

Well, this time
he'll just have to.

In case you change your mind, we'll
be waitin' for you at Pier, uh-

It used to be Pier 17. We'll be
there until it starts gettin' light.

You'll be wasting
your time.

Good night, Mr. Banks.

Get in the house.

Good night, Tony.
Good night.

Yeah?

Never mind, never mind.
What is it?

That's impossible.
I turned 'em off myself.

All right, all right.
I'll take care of it.

Who was that? I gotta
go down to the office.

Some idiot
left everything on.

All right, Stanley.
Mmm.

Stanley? Stanley who?

Mmm.

Pleasant dreams.

Mmm.

Get rid of the car.

One little, two little
three little Indians

Four little, five little
six little Indians

Seven little, eight little
nine little Indians

Ten little Indian boys

Hey, what's happening?

Hi, Stash. Hi, Stash. Hi, Stash.

Hey, Stash. Hey, baby. How are you?

Geronimo, this is Darlene. Hello.

Hello.
Hello.

This is Iris, and various
assorted beautiful people.

Greetings. Hi. Hi.

Hey, man, take her next, huh? Sure.

Take your clothes off.
Take my clothes off?

Sure. The human body's
a beautiful thing.

One little, two little
three little Indians

Four little, five little
six little Indians

Seven little, eight little
nine little Indians

Ten little Indian boys

One little, two little three little Indians
four little

Hey, man, the cops.

Keep on playing.

Come on, get up. Wow. I
love you. I really love you.

Hey, are you a boy
or a girl?

A girl.
Good. 'Cause I'm a boy.

Very funny. Come on. Get up. Move it.

You know, man, nowadays you can't
tell the boys from the girls.

Come on.
Move it, I said.

Look, man.
We're paid up.

We got
45 minutes left.

This ain't for sleepin'.
Move 'em.

Come on. Get up.
Move it, I said!

All right, come on.
Get up or go to jail.

With guns and drums
and drums and guns

Haroo, haroo

With your guns and drums
and drums and guns

Haroo, haroo

With your guns and drums
and your drums and guns

The enemy nearly slew ya

Oh, my darlin' dear
you look so queer

Johnny, I hardly
knew ya

Oh, where are them legs
that used to run

Haroo, haroo

Oh, where are them legs
that used to run

Haroo, haroo
- Stash?

Go ahead. - Oh, where are
them legs that used to run

When you-
Nobody move.

Who's in charge here?
Nobody, man.

"In charge of" means authority,
and authority means power.

You know what they say
about power.

Power corrupts.

Amen. Hey, I love you, man. Watch it.

We all love you.

Contempt of the law. Make
a note of that, Perkins.

Okay, search the place.

You're all under arrest.
- With your guns and drums

Come on, let's go.
Move on. Let's go.

Drums and guns
Haroo, haroo

Come on.
Hey, man.

And as for this poster-

I'm sure that you ladies who have consented
to serve on this special committee...

will agree that it has
a definite place...

in our beautiful, beloved
township of Santa del Mar.

Definitely, Mayor.

My husband has suggested
that we use this...

for the basis of our
anti-ugliness drive.

Ugliness is un-American.

I- I-I see that
an urgent matter is at hand,

so if you ladies
will excuse me-

Oh, of course.

Now, I do not know what
brought you to my township,

and I do not care to know.

I just wanna make
one thing clear-

You're not wanted here.

We are proud
of ourselves-

our clean, upright citizens
senior and junior.

We don't need you.
We don't want you.

You are a backwards step
in the evolution of mankind.

When the citizens
of Santa del Mar...

elected me to this office-
Hilda.

they gave me a mandate to-
Hilda.

What?
- Is that Darlene?

Of course not.

Really. Don't you know
your own daughter?

They had this stuff on them.

Thank you. Hmm.

Now, you were found with the
following items in your possession:

One bottle of-

Chinese bay leaves,
Mayor.

Clink.

One bottle
of birth control pills.

Those are mine.

And what about this?

What about it?

Hey, put that out.

Smell it.

Have a toke.
Go ahead. Smell it.

Smells like- like-

Pumpkin.

All of you- and your
pumpkins and your pills-

You will out of this township
within the hour.

No, ma'am. We have
the constitutional right-

Not in my town.

Unlawful assembly for the purpose
of causing a disturbance...

is punishable
by a 30-day jail sentence.

What shall it be,
the highway or jail?

You'd better make up
your minds, and quick.

Something tells me
we're not wanted.

God loves ya, Mayor.
Bye.

Darlene. Darlene.

Good-bye, Mother.
- I knew it was you.

Good-bye, Mother.
- Darlene! Darlene, wait.

Darlene. Darlene.
Wait a minute.

Darlene, I will not permit you to
run off like this with these people.

What do you mean,
"these people"?

They're beautiful, loving people
who don't mean any harm to anyone.

I just don't want you to do something
you're going to be sorry for.

You're acting rashly.
- I'm not acting rashly.

Let's go, Stash.
- Darlene.

I'm going with them,
Mother. - No, you're not.

You're both coming with me. - What?

Well, since Darlene is so
dead set on staying with you,

I guess the only way to make
her come home is if you all come.

Hey, that's really groovy
of you, Mrs. Banks.

Now we won't be
hassled by the police.

No, but you'll be
hassled by Mr. Banks.

I don't think he's gonna to
like this. Don't worry, Mother.

You show them the way, and we'll stop at
the office and break the news to Daddy.

Hey, hey.
Knock it off in there.

All right, all right.
Come on, knock it off.

Quiet down, will ya?

Will you shut up? Go on,
get out of here. Move on.

With your induction
completed,

please keep in mind
that this penitentiary...

has been reequipped
with the most modern...

electronic video
and audio devices...

in order to assist you in
paying your debt to society.

After the regulation
cleaning and dressing process,

you will be guided
to your assigned quarters.

Welcome. Step into
the induction stalls.

Remove all your clothes.

Place your clothing
and valuables in the drawer.

Place your hand under
the sign marked "bracelet. "

Answer the following questions by
pressing either "yes" or the no button.
Place your hand under
the sign marked "bracelet. "

Answer the following questions by
pressing either "yes" or the no button.

Begin. One: Do you have
any need of a doctor?

Two: Is your next of kin fully
aware of your whereabouts?

Three: Do you have one
or more children?

Someone hasn't pressed
his buttons.

Hey, what's the matter?
Those machines are silly.

Look, you just press
yes or no.

But suppose my answer
is "maybe"?

This my bunk?

Take the top shelf.

I'm Leech.

Phil Epowitz.

Glad to meet you, Tony.

- You read?
- Shrink makes me.

Says it's a release.

I'm a recidivist.

What's that?

Habitual criminal.

Been comin' here
on and off since '51.

I'm supposed
to be readin'.

Help! Help!

I'm stuck! I'm stuck!
Okay. Okay.

The only kid in the cell block
with his own personal stationery.

You painted this?

No, I bought it.

What are you in for?
I burned my draft card.

Very funny.
Which is mine?

Take half the bottom shelf.

Half? There are three shelves.

Don't ask questions, kid,
we'll get along. Okay?

You mean, you didn't wanna go
in the army, like a draft dodger?

I don't like that.

What are you, an anarchist
or something?

Don't you believe
in America?

I asked you a question.
Don't you believe in America?

Yes. I-I just don't agree
with everything it does.

Like what? Like what? Like
doin' your time in the army?

Don't you believe in the
Bill of Rights, kid? Please!

I- I just- I just don't
wanna talk about it now.

Okay?

Mother, Daddy's gone.
Gone where?

Nobody knows.
He hasn't been at work.

Nobody at the country club
has seen him.

I even tried
the barber shop.

He wasn't there?
I just told you.

Next.

If only I
could find a place

Where smiling strangers
knew our faces. That's right.

I would take you there

He said something about
driving to Santa Barbara.

How come his car's
still there?

He flew. To Santa Barbara?
Twenty-three miles?

- We could wander free...
- Mother?

I would take you there...
- No one's seen Harry either.

Mother, where are you going?
Seems like such a waste of time

Mother, what about Daddy?
Just trying to unwind

Ah, Mrs. Banks. Have
they entered by force?

Do you require police protection?
No, no. Everything's fine.

These are my guests.
Mother, what's going on?

I do think you should consider
your neighbors, Mrs. Banks.

With them around, property values
will nosedive on this street.

Talk it over with
Darlene. Talk what over?

Mother, where are you going?
Mother!

If only there
were time enough

Or world enough
or rhyme enough

I would take you there
Mother! Mother.

Worldwide Pop Festival.

Make love not war.

Who?

Is there a Miss Banks here?

I'll take it.

Hello?

No, my mother's not here right
now. Can I take a message?

Hold tight.
So this is Tony's girl, huh?

Little Kiss-Kiss herself.

What do you mean?

You and that Comanche looked like
you were never comin' up for air.

- Just who are you?
- The name's Angie.

We, uh, passed
in the night- Last night.

I can still close my eyes
and see you.

Where do you get your dialogue,
from old Valentines?

Cute.

Very cute.

Listen. Why don't you drop by
sometime when you're in San Francisco?

The Green Street
Tower Apartments.

I thought you wanted
to talk to my mother.

Just tell her that your old
man had to go out of town.

Where is my father?
Do you know?

Baby, I know so much
it's painful.

I remember when this place used to
serve fresh vegetables from our own farm.

Now everything tastes
like plastic bags.

Reddy-Freddy. Ugh.

I'd like to have a piece of
Reddy-Freddy's action, I'll tell you that.

Hiya, Tony.
Give my best to Flo.

I used to go with her
before you came along.

I'm The Man, Tony.
How's Flo, hmm?

Fine.
Still a good dancer?

I didn't come here
to talk about her dancing.

Okay, business.

They got
closed-circuit TV here...

with a deaf-mute readin' lips,
so we talk like this.

Uh- Uh, is this
good enough?

Shut up.

Leech will take care of your general
health while you're here. Right, Leech?

Okay.
I need no bodyguard.

Just get me to you-know-who. I
wanna get the hell out of here.

You'll be out of here within
one hour after you do the job.

In the meantime,
nobody can get near 'im.

Nobody.

It's maximum maximum security.

What's the matter, Professor?
You're not eating.

I- I eat only brown rice.

Well, we'll get you all
the brown rice you can eat.

They exercise Packard,
don't they?

If they do, we don't know
where or when.

They even cook
his food separately.

- Then what am I doin' here?
- You're his best friend.

- He'll see you if you ask him.
- How?

That's where the kid
comes in.

This jerk? This jerk
is a technical genius.

He helped develop the
Latimer Process at Berkeley.

Hey, look, man, I don't
know what this is all about,

but I've dropped out
of your gadget civilization.

I've renounced all science
and technocracy.

Remember, Professor, we can
make you 4-F permanently.

It's not a question of-
What?

Your hair don't conform.
Barber shop. I protest.

You're violating the Bill of Rights
- Article Four,

also known as the Fourth
Amendment of the Constitution.

Are you here, sweetheart?

Open the door
and be glad, baby.

Come to Angie.

Oh, damn it.

Let go.
Stop pushing on it.

What the hell?
Where's my Tony?

What are you doin' here? Where
is he? What's happened to him?

You're bending
the velvet.

It's something to do
with the tree, isn't it?

That's why you and Hechy
came to the house. Look, lady-

Go home and relax, huh?

Bake a chocolate cake.

What does God want with him
after all these years?

Will you beat it already?
I'm expectin' somebody.

Hey, this is sweet.

It's a lot plushier than
when Hechy lived here.

The age of electronics.

If you ever
feel like dancin'

Yes, I really
feel like dancing

If you really
feel like grooving

Cut it out, will ya?

Dance

Dance. If you really
feel like dancing

If you really feel-

Come on. Come on.
On your way.

Uh-uh.
Oh, look, have a heart.

I've been lining up
this deal for six weeks.

You're cute.
I know.

You know what? I bet you're a
good dancer. I'm a good everything.

Prove it.

Okay.

Where's my husband?
Where's Tony?

Hey, let go.
Tell me where he is.

Let go! What are you, some kind of nut?

I hear ya, baby.

Now, look. She's comin' up in the
elevator, so you go down the stairs.

I'm not leavin'. I wanna know
what's goin' on. I wanna see God.

You can't.
Take me to God.

I'm not leavin' until I
find out what's going on.

Okay, okay, but please- Wait outside
until you see a redhead leave-

A beautiful redhead.
I'm not waitin' outside.

For the love of
- She'll be here in a second.

What are you doing?
Guess.

She's here.

So? When shes sees
what she'll see,

she won't stay.

Please.

Just a minute, baby.

Hey! What is this?

Just a minute.

Come on in, baby.

Where's my father?
Tough Tony's kid?

What are you doin' here?

Why do you call him Tough
Tony? And where is he?

Look, I'm expecting somebody. You
gotta give a guy a little notice.

Where's my father? So on
your way, huh? I'll call you.

This is wild.

It's small but... mine.

You're cute.
I know.

So are you.

Your doorbell's ringing.

I hear it.

I'll leave
if you want me to.

Oh, no.
You just... stay right there.

This is a recorded message.

I am out and will
call you when I get back.

Shh.

In a couple of days.

If you wanna leave
a message, speak now.

Listen, you crumb. I don't take
this kind of treatment from nobody.

The next time you call me,
just forget it.

Okay, buddy, move it.

I said move it.
You can't stay here.

Listen, you,
get this crate out of here.

Please, Officer.

I'm sorry
if I spoiled anything.

Nah. She was just trying to
sell me a set of encyclopedias.

Hey.
Well, to us.

To us.

Stand still, will ya?

I wanna talk to ya.
I can't stay.

What? There's somebody
waiting for me downstairs.

Call me.
Someone waiting?

And you let me
send her away?

Do you know how long I've
been workin' on that broad?

Six weeks
- Six solid weeks. Damn it!

Angie, darling,
has she gone?

Hello, Mother.

Oh, it-
Oh, hello.

Um, I was just, uh-

I thought something
had happened to Daddy?

Well, it has.
I mean, uh-

I mean, uh-
Well, that's why I'm here.

It's all right. I
understand about such things.

I just think you might have
found someone more mature.

Wait.
It's not what you think.

God sent for your father.
No!

Not that God, dope.

Will you tell her
about the tree, or do I?

What are you talking about? What tree?

All right.
See for yourself.

The tree. That's me.
I run Oregon and Idaho.

I don't understand. Your father
was once part of the tree,

but he quit before
you were even born.

- Nobody quits the tree.
- Tony did.

Tony did. Tony did. You make
it sound like he kicked a habit-

Like it's a disease
or something.

Look at it.

This happens to be the most
important organization in the world-

Except maybe
for the Pentagon,

and we're more efficient.

Do you know what would be going on
in this country without the tree?

Chaos, that's what.

Every hothead with an itchy
finger would be extortin' somebody.

Every storekeeper
with a plate glass window...

wouldn't be able
to sleep at night.

But with the tree,

nobody has to worry.

A guy has a laundry-
He knows it won't blow up.

A guy owns a restaurant
on a highway-

He don't have to worry about the
highway being detoured someplace else.

It's a protection racket,
honey.

So what's wrong with protection?
Ours is a violent society.

Stop mixing the girl up.

Look, the one at the top
is God.

He sent for your father to do
something. I don't know what.

So I wanted to get to God
to ask him to call it off,

but the only way I could
was if Angie took me.

So that's why I was doin'...
what I was doin'.

- Take us both to God.
- Are you kiddin'?

You want me walkin' around
with my head under my arm?

Please?

I'll take one of you.
Okay.

Her.

My car's in the garage.

Well, we can go in Stash's car. Look.

Yes, sir?

These are my friends.
Yes, sir.

Down. Let him down.

Uh, Stash, this is Angie.
Angie, this is Stash.

What's happening?
What'd you say?

Hey, listen to this.

"Gregory fought the impulse.

"He said no.
The impulse said yes.

"Then something gave way.

"He dug his heels into her.
He lashed her with the whip.

But the horse still wouldn't
move. " Will you shut your yap?

I'm trying
to concentrate.

How's it comin', Professor? Okay.

I'm almost ready.

See you around, kid.

Thanks, darling.

Hey! Hey, wait up!

Hey!

No, wait a minute. Hold it.
Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, Charlie.

It didn't go down
a quarter of a point.

It's up a quarter.
Yeah, it's up.

Just don't let it happen again,
all right? Excuse me, sir.

Thank you. Now, look.

I want you to hold it until it
goes up two and a half more points.

And then-
More sugar next time.

Then I want you to sell it. Then get
me 1,000 shares of Seabrook. Right.

Packard? Blue Chips?

Yes?
Packard.

Packard. Blue Chips.

Can you hear me,
Blue Chips?

Even if he could hear you,
he can't talk to you, Tony.

Tony!
Packard.

Packard-

If you can hear me,
touch the thing...

with, uh-
with the thing.

The thing with the thing?
Here, Tony. Let me.

Mr. Packard,
if you can hear us,

then take any piece of metal
and touch it...

to the speaker connection
in the back of your TV.

You guys look ridiculous
talking into a radio.

Why don't you shut up?

Packard?

Is it workin' or not?

Touch the wire.
Touch the wire.

I am touching it.

I am touching
the wire.

It works. It works.

Professor,
you're beautiful.

Boy, Blue Chips, it sure
is good hearing your voice.

Tony, what the hell
are you doing here?

I thought you gave up
the business.

Shh! Blue Chips,
we're on the radio.

Tony, how did you rig
a gimmick like this?

You like it? I got a
technical genius in my cell.

He can't play blackjack, but
he can sure play the radio.

We could play here.

In your cell?

You're a nut. I can't come to your cell.

I can arrange it.

Sure, sure. You wanna
bet I can arrange it?

You wanna bet? I wouldn't
bet with you, Blue Chips.

You took me to the cleaners
too often. I'll give you 2-to-1.

Five-to-one.

You're on. What's the bet?

You name it.
No, you name it.

Five bills.
Two grand.

- You're on.
- Tony, why you wanna kiss me?

Kiss you?

Uh, what would I want to kiss
you for? You're my friend.

I told you a long time ago, we could
have taken God for the entire thing.

Now he's too big, and he's
got you doing his dirty work.

It's disgusting.

I swear, I haven't
seen God in years.

Who do you think you're
talkin' to, for cryin' out loud?

- This is Tony.
- I know this is Tony.

And I feel sorry
for this is Tony,

'cause when God finds out this is
Tony couldn't kiss this is Packard,

he's gonna have a lead suit
for this is Tony.

Blue Chips, I swear,
you got the wrong idea.

I swear.
On your daughter's life?

On your daughter's life?

On my daughter's life.

I feel sorry for you, Tony.

Give my best
to Flo and Darlene.

Over and out.

P.S.

I might be here longer...

than I thought.

What are you doing?
No, no, no!

No- Tony, sit down.
I am sittin'.

Okay, well then, stay
"sitted"- I- I mean seated.

Now, Tony,

have you ever heard
of acid?

Acid?
Um, L.S.D.

It's a drug.

It's odorless, tasteless
and colorless,

and it makes you hallucinate.
What are you gettin' at?

Um, acid is soaked
into my stationery.

This is L.S.D.?
Mm-hmm.

I read about that in the
newspapers, for cryin' out loud.

All right now, come on.

Sit down. Sit down.

Lie down.

All right now,
you are going on a trip.

If you fight it,
it can be a bad trip.

If you ride
with the waves,

it will be a good trip.

Garbaldo, I told you
to keep this ship steady.

- It is steady, sir.
- Are you contradicting me?

Sorry, sir. You're right. There's
a strong wind coming from the...

Northeast. I don't care
where it's from. Stop it.

Ten thousand more
you owe me.

Ten thousand more. Ten thousand
more I owe you. Rack 'em up.

Yes?

You've got visitors.
Visitors? Who?

I'm not expecting any
visitors. Who are they?

It's me, God.

It's that Angie. Bright
kid, but... stupid.

Hey, who are the girls you got
with you? This one is a boy.

A boy? Go up and frisk
the guy with him.

So now you're bringing
guided tours to my yacht, huh?

Suddenly you're in the travel
business. I'm sorry, sir.

Why don't you tell the whole
world my longitude and latitude?

This is
Tough Tony's daughter.

Oh, of course.
Dorothy. Yes.

Darlene.
Tough Tony's kid.

How's your mother?
You know my mother?

Sure. She's quite a dame.

Well, I've come
about my father.

You're a hippie, ain't you?

If labeling
is your thing, yes.

And what does a hippie
want from God?

A world where people can do
their thing and not be hassled.

Where nobody's uptight or
paranoid about being together.

So we can all groove, and
dig ourselves for what we are-

- Living things.
- Very groovy.

Also, a safe place
for butterflies...

and organic supermarkets.

Better bodies for women.
What's wrong with my body?

- Do you like money?
- Who doesn't?

I'll have a proposition
for you tomorrow.

He's clean.

Will you please tell me
what happened to my father?

Of course. Give her a
hot bath, and send her in.

A hot bath?

He's afraid of germs.

I still don't feel anything.
It takes a little while.

You'll know when it happens.
I don't feel a thing.

I'm tellin' ya, I don't feel anything.
You're makin' a damn fool out of me.

Some people can resist
the effect of the drug, Tony.

You are very strong-willed.

You may have
a high ego retention.

Most members of
the establishment have.

They don't realize the
beauty of life without ego.

They don't realize the
beauty of an ego-less life.

I'm on a trip.

Tough Tony-

Your time has come,
wherein all things...

are like the void
and cloudless sky,

and the naked,
spotless intellect...

is like
a transparent vacuum.

Professor, I'm scared.

You need not be frightened.

Just remember, wherever
you go, you're still here.

Leech. Leech.

Oh, Tough Tony,
the time has come...

to seek out the clear light.

The light is the flame
of your life.

Your energy
is the life process.

Do not fear it.

Surrender to it.

Join it.

It is part of you.
You are part of it.

Remember the final reality-

The all-good,
the all-peaceful,

the light,
the radiance...

that mind and body separate.

- What's he see?
- Shh.

I see mathematics.

- Mathematics!
- Mathematics?

Shh.

He's got a loose screw.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.
I'm not playing your game.

Go ahead. Drop.

Gone.

Wonderful. Wonderful!

Look for yourself now, Tony.
Find yourself in the water.

Daddy?

No kid of mine
could be that pretty.

Daddy. No kid of mine
could be that pretty.

- Daddy?
- I have a right to know.

It's a father's right to know.
It's a father's right to know.

Give up half to stay up
nights and worry about my Flo

I'd rather live
the simple life

And think about my dough

So look, my old pal Tony

And see how much
you've missed

I can buy and sell
a hundred girls

And pay to have me kissed

- You? - No comment. No comment.
No comment. No comment.

I refuse to answer
on the grounds that-

...it may tend
to incriminate somebody.

- Daddy?
- Me? No, thank you.

No.

I've got a right to know.

It's a father's right to know.

Daddy?

Would you please
repeat the question?

Who were you with
the night of-

With you, honey boy.

You're my Daddy "Wad-ums. "

And who were you with
the night of-

Daddy?

With you, Dickie Boom-Boom.

You're under oath.
I want the truth.

The truth is often
stranger than-

Stranger than lots of things.

You really wanna know?

All right.
I'll tell you.

No. Don't tell me.

Don't tell me.

I don't care how many
guys you've slept with.

Haven't you ever
noticed her ears?

She's got your ears.

She's got my ears.

She's got my ears.

She's got my ears

She's got my ears
She's got my ears

She's got my ears.

Tony, I've been wanting to
tell you this for a long time.

I think she looks like me.

Sorry, Tony.
It was just one of them things.

What's the matter now?
He did it.

He lost his ego.

I want a flower.

Hey, Leech, give him a flower. Huh?

A flower.

Thank you, sweetheart.
- Huh?

Oh.

Would you, uh,
like a little drinky?

No, thanks.

How about a baked
potato with sour cream?

No.
Th-They're good.

Would you like
to shoot a game of pool?

Where's my father?
Aw, don't worry about him.

I am worried. Don't worry!
Your old man don't hurt easy.

You know he once was the
best torpedo in the business?

Where is he?
Well, he's in prison.

In prison? Yeah, what's
so terrible about that?

At least
it's on solid ground.

At least they can
shoot a game of pool.

My father in prison?

Just for a few days. I sent him
there to knock off one of the inmates.

You- To what?
Like I said,

he was the best torpedo
in the business.

The fact that I sent him
shows how much I think of him.

Believe me, I wish I
could have gone myself.

Right now, I'd rather be doin'
what he's doin' than what I'm doin'.

Hey! Now, cool it,
baby. Hang loose, huh?

Wait for me!

Hey, wait for me!

Wait for me!

Hey, wait for-

What the-
Dumb broad!

Dumb broad, you!

God wants you upstairs.

Hey, hey.
Hand loose, would ya?

What's wrong
with my body?

N- Nothin'.
Nothin' at all.

You know, I never met
anyone like you before.

Oh, hey, there's lots like
me. Yeah, but you're here.

C-
Cut it out, huh?

Relax. Relax.
I'm very good at this.

Uh- I think
I'm gettin' sea sick.

Don't fight it.

Almost 10 years
I've been on this thing.

Ten years without
seeing daylight.

But you can
go up on deck.

You crazy? There's
nine guys in the crew.

What's the odds on one of
them tryin' to bump me off?

9- to-1. Yeah, and you
think that's good odds, eh?

Stop it! I ain't takin'
no 9- to-1 odds. Not me.

I don't go up there,
and they can't get in here.

But Elizabeth can. Well, Elizabeth I
trust. We happen to be going steady.

Ten years I've been on this
thing. Do you know what I'd give...

to go to a racetrack
or a ball game?

You know how much
Dramamine I gotta take?

Ah, it's a lousy way
to get old.

Please let me go.
Please!

No, no, not on the lips! Then
let me go for cryin' out loud!

Blackmail, eh?
All right. Go.

Stash, Angie,
are you there?

Stash! Stash,
my father's in jail!

Help! Help! Stash,
my father's a torpedo!

Stash!
Help, Darlene!

Open 8.

All right, let's see
this place shine.

Come on. Get movin'. Every
little nook. Every little cranny.

Good news, Tony.
I got good news.

It's all arranged. You're gonna
take Packard his breakfast.

Here's a trustee's
armband for ya.

Here's a trustee's cap.
And here-

I don't mind tellin' ya,
this took a little doin'.

Here.

Forget it.

Forget what?

What's with him?
I don't know.

I think he
ate somethin'.

Uh, Tony?

Tony-

Tony, can you hear me?

I hear ya.

This is no time
to get cold feet.

In 20 minutes, you-
you kiss Packard.

An hour after that,
you're on your way home.

I'm not kissin' Packard.

Come on, Tony. This is
no time to kid around.

I'm not kissin' anyone.

Now, you don't
mean that.

You gotta be
realistic, Tony.

I'm askin' ya
to be realistic.

All right. Don't do it,
you dumb slob.

Stay here for the rest
of your life and rot.

Eight out!

If you don't care for yourself, you
could at least think about your daughter.

What does that mean?

Well, she's on
the big boat.

Packard expects his corn
flakes in 20 minutes.

If- If it's
any consolation-

there's no problem
I can't solve.

Hey, maybe if I
take some of that stuff,

I wouldn't have to
rape anybody anymore.
Hey, maybe if I
take some of that stuff,

I wouldn't have to
rape anybody anymore.

Good morning, Skipper.
Oh, good morning, sir.

- Any news?
- The stock market is holdin' its own.

Oh, splendid.

Okay, hear this.

What? Who? I got the
whole deal worked out.

We'll start with
36 key cities.

You'll set up
a contact in each one.

It doesn't have to be a hippie.
Anybody can grow his hair.

What are you talkin' about,
man? The youth market.

Half the country
is under 25.

A billion-dollar market.

I supply the stuff,
you get it to the customers.

In the first year,
you'll make, uh, $150,000.

- No, thanks. - What do you mean?
You said you liked money.

Sure. But business bores me.

Oh, boy.

Yeah?

Uh, Tough Tony
is now Marshmallow Tony.

What?
What?

- He says he won't do it.
- What do you mean he won't do it?

My God, I've tried
everything. I tried coercion.

Never mind coercion. You tell him
Packard better not live through the day.

Get it?

Angie? Angie, where are you?

Angie?
Uh, in my cabin.

I can't see ya. What's
wrong with this thing?

What thing?
Probably needs a new tube.

Damn gadgets.
Electronics I need.

You sure
your lights are on?

It's daytime.
The sun's shining.

Uh, let me see
if I can fix this thing.

That's it.
You've got it.

Angie, believe me. No
matter how long I live,

I can't get used to being
double-crossed. Me? I would never!

Not you, idiot!

Tony- He won't
kiss Packard.

- But he's gotta!
- Yeah.

Hey, you like
this kid of his?

Sort of.
Okay.

If Tony comes through,
she's yours.

- What if he don't?
- Well, then you got a little job to do.

Lithuanian measles?

Isolation ward.

Lithuanian measles!
The kid's a genius.

Some genius. We drink aftershave
lotion, we break out in red spots,

instead of being locked up
there, we're locked up here.

The spots will be gone
in 28 minutes.

Aha. Just as I thought.

Field-spoke
ventilation system.

Thank you.

Okay, hoist me up.

Hey!

Clamp.
Clamp.

Scissors.
Fine dissecting scissors.

Yes.

Suture. please.
3- oh, Doctor.

Fine.

Do you want another
suture, Doctor? No time.

Go.

This blood is kinda dark. John,
could you give him more oxygen?

More oxygen, Doctor.

Still dark, John.
Oxygen.

Clamp.
More oxygen!

Sponge.
More. Doctor!

Tony, Tony, come on.
Let's get movin'.

Thought you'd never get here. For
cryin' out loud, I'm freezin' to death.

This is no time to
feel sorry for yourself.

I make it a point to eat with the
men at least once a month, Senator.

It's a good idea, Warden. Lets them know

that what's good enough
for their stomachs...

is good enough
for mine.

That's what democracy
is all about, right, Warden?

Yeah. Thank you.
Thank you.

Shhh!

I've got
news for you.

Password?

It's me! I forgot it!

- That guy with the... hair-
- What about him?

I just bumped into him.

He said to tell you he thinks
he can swing his end of the deal.

- Yeah? - Only he's got to make
a phone call to be sure.

If only I could find a place
where smilin' strangers-

Worldwide Pop Festival.
Make love not war.

Hold on.
Geronimo!

Speak softly.

Xerox me, man.
I don't wanna be misquoted.

Peace!

You were saying?

Dig the, uh,
Spirit of St. Louis, man.

Yeah, like, uh, Greeley says, what's
seven or eight Dukes of Windsor...

Water. when it's, uh,
Mona Lisa time, huh?

Yeah, take a bow and arrow
- And we're not getting any younger, right?

So come in X-17.
Over.

Son of Norway, you're loud
and clear. Cool as everything.

Over and out.

What'd he say? Oh, he says
he'll have to get back to me.

Spirit of St. Louis.
Lindbergh. Kidnapped.
What'd he say? Oh, he says
he'll have to get back to me.

Spirit of St. Louis.
Lindbergh. Kidnapped.

Who?
Mona Lisa.

Yours.
Darlene.

They've got Darlene!
Calm.

"Bow and arrow. "
They're armed. But where?

Horace Greeley said,
"Go west, young man. "

He did.
And how far west?

Windsor-
Knots!

Water, children. Water.
Seven to eight knots west of-

What? That's the hole.
"X-17." Think.

"X-17." "X" could mean "used to be. "

Seventeen. The old pier.
Pier 17!

I'm seeing an angel!

I'm an angel!

I'm a goddamn angel!

Hallelujah!

Hey, don't hurt yourself.

Loretta!
No, you ain't Loretta.

Senator,
I can see it all now.

A perfect penitentiary.

As soon as I'm president,
it's yours.

Two convicts
to every cell.

Use computers to be sure
they're compatible.

Murderer bunks
with murderer.

Sex maniac
with sex maniac.

Democrat
with Democrat.

Republican
with Republican.

Are you gonna run
for the big office?

Not quite yet.

But I've been working on my acceptance
speech for the last five years.

My men are going to
learn to express themselves.

Fellow Americans,
we are living perilous times!

We're gonna have
finger-painting and modern dance.

There are only three great Americans
- Washington, Lincoln and me.

Warden, can I have
your keys?

I'm gonna teach them
to make costume jewelry.

And they can even
design their own uniform.

You ain't Loretta!

Loretta! Wait a minute!
He isn't Loretta.

He's Gertrude! Let go
of me, you big, dumb-

Beany?

Ah, Beany.

Aw, Beany.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello?
I can't hear ya.

Is The Man there?
I wanna talk to The Man.

- Western Union.
- Who's this? What's going on?

That's more than
10 words.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Is The Man there?
I wanna talk to The Man.

Soufflé.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello?

There's gotta be somebody there.

It's a federal prison,
and I'm a taxpayer.

Soufflé.

Hello? Hello?

Hello! Hello!
I can't hear you.

They're playin' our
song. I can't hear it.

Give me a home
Where the buffalo roam

Where the deer
and the antelope play

Where seldom is heard
a discouraging word

And the skies
are not cloudy all day

Home, home on the range

Look, I just wanna know
about one of the inmates.

Seldom is heard
a discouraging word

And the skies
are not cloudy all day

You know what?
You look like a flower.

That's funny.
I feel like a flower.

Hey, keep the noise down!

You'll wake the baby.

What is it?

The Green Bay Packers.

17, 34, 56, hike!

They're all naked!

Living in a garbage can
can be a lot of fun

It has its ups
Do, do, do, do

And downs

Oh, paper cups
and coffee grounds

Do you hear
what I hear?

I hear nothing.

Especially if you
meet the perfect onion

Oh, the great garbage can
is just full of good stuff

All the discarded refuse
of man... - Not a thing.

Like the half-used banana
whose girlfriend is Anna

Who shout Let us out
of this can Ow, ow

Oh, Mr. Good Brussels Sprout
Dipity bi

If only me and the banana
could get out

We'd find an asparagus
who'd stand up and marry us

But the first thing to
do is get out Ow, ow, ow

Nothing.

Now and old piece of ham
is in love with some lamb

But a young head of lettuce
is too

Said the ham to the lettuce
The lamb will forget us

As soon as he learns
I love you

Whoa, whoa, whoa The
great garbage can Dipity bi

It's a tribute
to the ingenuity of man

Where corn and tomatoes
are mixed with potatoes

And thrown in
together with ham

Where a brussels sprout
and a sauerkraut

Can get together
and have it out

And no one seems
to care about the plan

And a succotash and a piece of hash
can get together and have a bash

For life is always
equal in the can

Do you see what I see? Where?

There.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Ya-da-da, ya-da-da.
Yeah.

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Listen, you. I don't know who
you are, but I'll find out.

I'll get you for this!

- Yeah?
- Hello? Hello?

- Hello. - I'm inquiring about the health
of one of the inmates.

- Which one?
- A Mr. Packard.

- Who's this?
- Who's this?

- God?
- Packard?

I never felt
better in my life.

Don't count on it!

- Lousy crumb.
- Dirty stool pigeon.

I'm sorry. We are unable...

to complete your call
as dialed.

Hey, come out here.

Do you see what I see?

Scrambled eggs.
No!

Jell-O.

Reminds me of
my wife.

Okay, Tony,
let's go.

What about me?

Sorry, we can't take you.
You're too heavy.

Man wasn't meant to
to fly

He wasn't meant to go up
in the sky

Man wasn't meant for
such things

If God wanted man to fly
we'd have wings

Do you see what I see? It's a balloon.

No.

It's a big, beautiful blob of nothing.

It wants me.
It wants me.

- It loves me!
- Yeah.

But why is it
going away?

I see it. I see it.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah. Ya-da-da, ya-da-da.

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

You know, this isn't
too bad at that.

The bridge!
Look out for the bridge!

You know, I should have
never done this.

It's just
another trip, Tony.

Another trip to you. A nut
like you, it's another trip.

Can't you fly it a little
closer to the ground?

All right.
All right.

Wait a minute!
Not that close!

Take it up! Take it up!
Okay, okay. Okay.

Angie. Angie!

Tony let us down.

Yes, sir.

What's going on?
Some people approaching, sir.

- Looks like friendly natives.
- Friendly what?

Holy hell, Garbaldo! Stop 'em!

Who goes there?

Ahoy!

Ahoy! Never mind "ahoy. "
Tell 'em to beat it or else.

Okay, this is it.
Ready. Aim.

Hey, look!
What's that?

It's a balloon.
Hey, so am I.

Above, sir.

Fire!
- Which way, sir?

The balloon!
Kill the balloon!

There!

They missed.

They missed!

Oh, no!
Aaah!

Garbaldo? Garbaldo?

Garbaldo,
what's the matter with you?

I'm talking to you.
Don't you hear me?

There's sun power,
gun power,

atomic power,
fun power,

power-power, flower power, go power,

and Flo power.

And if power's
all they really understand,

we take the power
of the flower,

and the power
of the dove,

we put them both together,

and we love
them to death.

Mmmm! Shine!

Shine!

Skidoo, skidoo

The only thing that matters
is with who you do

Skidoo, skidoo

The only thing that matters
is with who

Skidoo, adieu

I do believe it really
is the thing to do

Skidoo, skidoo

And the world can be
a better place for you

Skidoo

Well, you gotta be good
and you gotta be kind

But there's a lot of people
They gotta draw the line

That separate the good and
the bad the wrong from right

They forget about the color
that's between the black and white

The groovy little in-between

Darlene.

Where's my Darlene?

Where's my
daughter Darlene?

In there.

Skidoo, skidoo

The only thing that matters
is with who you do

Skidoo, skidoo

The only thing that matters
is with who

Darlene?

Darlene?

Daddy!
Why, you dirty-

No, Daddy, don't!
He saved my life!

Skidoo, ah, dooby-do

I do believe it really
is the thing to do

Skidoo, skidoo

Between one and three
there is a two

Look around
and if you open your eyes

You may begin to think
you shouldn't criticize

The way another person
wants to wear his hair

But in the overall analysis
the only thing that counts

Is the magic and the love
you share

Skidoo, skidoo

The only thing that matters
is with who you do

Skidoo, skidoo

The only thing that matters
is with who

Skidoo, adieu

I do believe it really
is the thing to do

Skidoo, skidoo

And the world would be
a better place for you

Time is moving fast
and there's a lot to see

Don't you trap yourself inside
a boat that's floatin' on the sea

There's a better way of livin'
if you take the time to try

To live and love and take a
breath and watch the scenery

As the color
slowly changes

From 14 to 23

Skidoo, skidoo

The only thing that-
Where's God?

Skidoo, skidoo
Where's God?

Skidoo, ah, dooby-do
Hey, you, where's God?

I do believe it really is
the thing to do

Doesn't anybody around here know
where God is? - Skidoo, skidoo

And the world can be
a better place for you

Skidoo

Will you give this ring...

as a symbol of your affection,
sincerity and fidelity?

I will. Will you receive
this ring and wear it...

as a symbol of your affection,
sincerity and fidelity?

I will. And now, I
pronounce you man and wife.

Congratulations, my boy!

Congratulations!
Congratulations, Daughter.

Stash. Darlene.

We are gathered here today
to join this brother...

and this sister
in holy union.

If only I could find
a place

Where smilin' strangers
knew our faces

I would take you there

A place with constant melody
where you and I could wander free

Pumpkin.
I would take you there

Stop! We are not through yet.

And before you skidoo,

we'd like to introduce
our cast and crew.

Jackie Gleason
was Tony Banks

Carol Channing
Flo

Frankie Avalon
Angie

Fred Clark
A Tower Guard

Michael Constantine
Leech

Frank Gorshin
The Man

John Phillip Law
Stash

Peter Lawford
The Senator

Burgess Meredith
The Warden

George Raft
The Skipper

Cesar Romero
As Hechy

Mickey Rooney
"Blue Chips" Packard

And Groucho Marx
played "God"

In the Otto Preminger film
Skidoodily-doo-doo-doo

With Arnold Stang
As Harry

Doro Merande
As the Mayor

Phil Arnold
As Her Husband

Slim Pickens
The Switchboard Operator

Robert Donner as Another
Switchboard Operator

Richard Kiel as Beany
Tom Law as Geronimo

Jaik Rosenstein As
"Eggs" Benedict Benedict

Stacy King
As The Amazon

And Renny Roker
As A Prison Guard

Roman Gabriel
As A Prison Guard

And Nilsson
As A Tower Guard

And Stone Country
As Themselves

And the Orange County Ramblers
Played the Green Bay Packers

And introducing

Austin Pendleton
As Fred

Alexandra Hay
As Darlene

And Luna As "God's" Mistress
Well, you know what I mean

Music and Lyrics By Nilsson,
Who also played A Tower Guard

Arranged and Conducted By
George Tipton A very good friend

Choreography, Tom Hansen
Costumes, Rudi Gernreich

Photographed in Panavision
And Technicolor

Director of Photography
Leon Shamroy A.S.C.

Sound, Glenn Anderson Franklin
Milton And Lloyd Hanks, Thanks

Camera Operators Irving
Rosenberg And Dewey Wrigley

Chief Electrician Fred
Hall Key Grip, Leo McCreary

Transportation
George Coleman

Editor, George Rohrs
Assistant Editor, Dean Ball

Music Editor, Fred Prior Sound
Effects Editor Don Higgins

Negative Cutter, Connie Roese And
Script Supervisor Kathleen Fagan

Oh, boy!

Art Director, Robert E. Smith
Assistant Art Director J. Monte Elliot

Set Decorator, Fred Price
Special Effects Charles Spurgeon

Painter, Eugene Acker
Property Master Kenny Westcott

Commercials
By John Urie

Executive Assistant to
the Producer Nat Rudick

Dialogue Coach Max Slater

Story and Casting
Erik Kirkland

Production Managers Kenny
Deland And Howard Joslin

Assistant Directors
Erich von Stroheim Jr.

Wally Jones Al Murphy
And Steven North

Production Accountant
Herman Darstein

Production Secretary
Joyce Lilley

Costume Coordinator
Hope Bryce

Makeup, Web Overlander
Hairdressing Vivian Thompson

Wardrobe, Ted Parvin Phyliss Garr,
George Thompson And John-Perry

Visual Consultant and Titles
By Sandy Dvore

And what's more they
were executed By Pacific

How's your popcorn?

Copyright MCMLXVIII By
Sigma Productions, Inc.

Your seat's on fire

The story, the characters and
the incidents are fictitious

Ho hum, et cetera
et cetera

It's a Paramount TM Release
A Gulf+Western Company

Written By
Mr. Doran William Cannon

Produced and Directed By

Um, uh-
Otto Preminger

Skidoo, skidoo

Vtg