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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,810 --> 00:00:04,410 Warning, the following program contains scenes of graphic stupidity among four 2 00:00:04,411 --> 00:00:06,650 lifelong friends who compete to embarrass each other. 3 00:00:06,810 --> 00:00:10,090 Coming up, the guys force Q to give a little mouth-to-mouth. 4 00:00:10,370 --> 00:00:13,330 There was a guy in here before and he had, like, herpes all over his thing. 5 00:00:14,610 --> 00:00:16,290 Murr falls asleep on the job. 6 00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:20,510 And Joe gets fresh in the produce section. 7 00:00:20,790 --> 00:00:22,470 Do you mind when your melons are squeezed? 8 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:26,250 Plus, tonight's big loser goes belly up. 9 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,360 We're working as employees at Charlie's Nursery and Garden Center. 10 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,620 Do and say what the other guys tell us. 11 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:38,640 And if you refuse, you lose. 12 00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:41,580 Oh, I can't wait to fertilize some young plants. 13 00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:44,920 Hi, guys. 14 00:00:45,020 --> 00:00:45,460 How are you? 15 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:46,460 What you looking for? 16 00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:47,996 We were just looking at the mums. 17 00:00:48,020 --> 00:00:49,980 We just got some incredible mums in in the back. 18 00:00:50,140 --> 00:00:51,140 Run as fast as you can. 19 00:00:51,180 --> 00:00:51,380 Run. 20 00:00:51,620 --> 00:00:52,000 Come here. 21 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:52,340 Come here. 22 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:52,580 Follow. 23 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,000 I'll show you. 24 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:53,620 Come on this way. 25 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:54,900 They're right over here. 26 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:55,740 Just come over here. 27 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,320 You gotta see it. 28 00:00:56,460 --> 00:00:57,060 Right around here. 29 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:57,860 They're right up there. 30 00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:58,340 They're right there. 31 00:00:58,680 --> 00:00:58,920 Come here. 32 00:00:59,180 --> 00:00:59,680 This one. 33 00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:00,240 This is it. 34 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:00,880 They're right here. 35 00:01:00,900 --> 00:01:01,260 They're right here. 36 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:01,600 They're right here. 37 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:02,120 Keep going. 38 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:03,240 Run. 39 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:11,760 I can't find them. 40 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,880 How much are the mums that are on the hangers? 41 00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:17,120 They range from $8.99 to the large ones can go up to $12.99. 42 00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:18,240 Make them smell the mums. 43 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:18,980 Throw them right in their face. 44 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:19,560 Unbelievable. 45 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:20,140 Smell that. 46 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:20,880 All right. 47 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:21,260 Try this one. 48 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:22,840 Great, right? 49 00:01:23,460 --> 00:01:23,960 Try that. 50 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:25,480 All right. 51 00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:26,700 Try that, sir. 52 00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:28,140 This one, for example. 53 00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:30,400 That one is great, right? 54 00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:34,340 And then, oh, this is the one I wanted to show you. 55 00:01:34,341 --> 00:01:35,341 Smell that. 56 00:01:35,980 --> 00:01:36,980 Oh, yeah. 57 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,020 Isn't that unbelievable? 58 00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:39,920 It's great, right? 59 00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:40,180 Yeah. 60 00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:41,780 Isn't that unbelievable? 61 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:45,440 All right, cue. 62 00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:46,160 You see this guy? 63 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:47,900 Interrogate him like he's a terrorist. 64 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,440 Should I actually just check this for a second? 65 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:51,840 You went with this bag, huh? 66 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,360 Uh, damn. 67 00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:55,060 Why this bag? 68 00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:56,020 Ask her for ID. 69 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,240 You got ID on you? 70 00:01:58,420 --> 00:01:59,240 What do you think? 71 00:01:59,241 --> 00:02:01,321 You're just coming to my yard and then grab my mulch? 72 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,080 You can't take another bag. 73 00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:04,160 No, no, no. 74 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,236 You can't take another bag. 75 00:02:05,260 --> 00:02:06,460 Don't let him have that mulch! 76 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:07,520 Go, go, go! 77 00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:09,340 Give me that mulch! 78 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:10,500 Get him! 79 00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:11,540 Stop him! 80 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:13,760 Give me this mulch! 81 00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:22,900 So, the next person that comes in, I want you to act like a happy, magical sprite. 82 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:28,020 Welcome to my magical garden. 83 00:02:28,021 --> 00:02:29,021 ... 84 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:33,540 Skip away! 85 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,910 So, we're going to take this one up for you, and these two. 86 00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:42,190 Okay. 87 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,850 I call this flower the panty dropper. 88 00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:48,690 I call this flower the panty dropper. 89 00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:52,490 Yeah, whenever I get it from someone, my panties drop. 90 00:02:54,350 --> 00:02:57,990 Shout, I'm sorry ma'am, we don't sell marijuana plants! 91 00:03:01,270 --> 00:03:03,730 I'm sorry ma'am, we do not sell marijuana here! 92 00:03:04,790 --> 00:03:06,350 I have my own, I don't need yours. 93 00:03:06,690 --> 00:03:06,970 What? 94 00:03:07,390 --> 00:03:08,390 Whoa! 95 00:03:12,790 --> 00:03:14,470 So, you got two of these? 96 00:03:15,170 --> 00:03:15,750 Two Hays? 97 00:03:16,090 --> 00:03:17,570 Joe, you have to carry both bales. 98 00:03:18,130 --> 00:03:19,590 Make it like your job depends on it. 99 00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:21,770 I'm trying to impress the boss I got, you know? 100 00:03:22,530 --> 00:03:24,730 No, come on, don't get me in trouble, don't get me in trouble, don't get me in 101 00:03:24,731 --> 00:03:26,026 trouble, don't get me in trouble, don't get me in trouble. 102 00:03:26,050 --> 00:03:27,091 ... ... 103 00:03:29,390 --> 00:03:29,430 ... 104 00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:31,050 ... 105 00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:33,991 ... ... 106 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,010 ... 107 00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:40,670 ... ... 108 00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:42,050 ... 109 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,250 ... 110 00:03:48,180 --> 00:03:48,980 ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 111 00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:50,820 ... 112 00:03:52,450 --> 00:03:53,670 I need this job! 113 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,626 I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. 114 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,490 I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. 115 00:03:58,670 --> 00:04:00,390 Come on. 116 00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:02,690 I got that for you, right? 117 00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:05,350 Hey man, how's it going? 118 00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:06,250 Good. 119 00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:08,050 Working up the whole garden? 120 00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:09,330 Hopefully. 121 00:04:09,610 --> 00:04:12,810 Joe, ask him if his wife lets him plant a zucchini in her backyard. 122 00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:17,870 Come on. 123 00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:19,230 Say it or lose, buddy. 124 00:04:19,231 --> 00:04:20,330 So does your wife... 125 00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:22,810 maintain your garden? 126 00:04:26,790 --> 00:04:27,850 You smell that? 127 00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:28,250 Oh yeah. 128 00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:29,710 I smell it too, it's a fertilizer. 129 00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:31,570 It's your tournament just happened. 130 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,330 Joe rakes in a loss. 131 00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:37,090 I was born with a green thumb. 132 00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:38,766 I live in an apartment building in the city. 133 00:04:38,790 --> 00:04:40,230 I can't have a garden proper. 134 00:04:40,590 --> 00:04:43,030 I would love to have a basil plant in the apartment. 135 00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:45,570 I can't have a garden proper. 136 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,330 Boy on D! 137 00:04:51,270 --> 00:04:53,030 We're here at Sergimo's Italian Deli. 138 00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:56,470 We're going to be behind the counter making delicious sandwiches for people. 139 00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:57,990 Hang on to your meatballs, folks. 140 00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,930 This is a joker versus joker challenge. 141 00:04:59,950 --> 00:05:04,090 What this means is there are meats and cheeses in this bag. 142 00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:06,290 Whoever draws the meat must compete. 143 00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:10,170 Whoever draws the cheese does not have to compete. 144 00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:11,750 Yeah! 145 00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:22,390 Okay, Sal, you're up. 146 00:05:23,130 --> 00:05:24,130 Hi, how are you? 147 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:25,490 Sal, rub yourself. 148 00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:27,830 Did you have a salad? 149 00:05:29,070 --> 00:05:29,430 Salads? 150 00:05:29,570 --> 00:05:30,610 I eat salads too. 151 00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:31,870 Can I get the tuna? 152 00:05:32,710 --> 00:05:33,710 Tuna salad? 153 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,250 Keep doing it, just keep doing it. 154 00:05:38,310 --> 00:05:39,310 It's so weird. 155 00:05:43,330 --> 00:05:44,490 You work in the neighborhood? 156 00:05:44,830 --> 00:05:45,830 Yeah. 157 00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:50,890 Coming right out. 158 00:05:51,230 --> 00:05:52,461 Buddy, the next person that comes in here and they 159 00:05:52,462 --> 00:05:54,990 place their order, I want you to stare intently at them. 160 00:05:55,370 --> 00:05:56,090 Hey, how you doing, bud? 161 00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:57,310 Hey, guys. 162 00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:02,170 Keep them eyes going, dude. 163 00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:05,290 Oh, 164 00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:09,990 here's a new girl right here. 165 00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:12,050 Just stop putting meats in your clothing. 166 00:06:12,051 --> 00:06:13,051 Okay. 167 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,380 Buddy, keep doing it. 168 00:06:26,740 --> 00:06:27,740 What's that? 169 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,180 Take it out of your pants, put it on the roll. 170 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:31,740 Who wanted the super salad? 171 00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:32,820 He's up. 172 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,480 All right, Sal, take a bite of that. 173 00:06:43,810 --> 00:06:45,710 Oh, my God, there's no way he's doing this. 174 00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:52,710 Just stop putting meats in your clothing. 175 00:06:58,450 --> 00:06:58,950 Hey, just get that number one. 176 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:00,606 Take it out of your pants, put it on the roll. 177 00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:02,090 Who wanted the super salad? 178 00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:03,170 He's up. 179 00:07:07,370 --> 00:07:08,810 All right, Sal, take a bite of that. 180 00:07:08,990 --> 00:07:10,010 Take a bite of it. 181 00:07:11,550 --> 00:07:13,010 Sal, take a bite of it. 182 00:07:14,210 --> 00:07:14,770 Bite it. 183 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:15,710 Take a bite. 184 00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:16,370 Eat it. 185 00:07:16,650 --> 00:07:18,570 Oh, my God, there's no way he's doing this. 186 00:07:24,660 --> 00:07:26,280 All right, Marge, you're counted, buddy. 187 00:07:30,340 --> 00:07:31,636 He pulled his hands up with samples. 188 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:32,240 What do you want to try? 189 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:33,416 I'll give you a sample of something. 190 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,920 Here, how about... we'll try that. 191 00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:39,180 There you go. 192 00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:43,560 Hand him another huge thing. 193 00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:45,280 Another quick sample. 194 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:46,380 Try that. 195 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,260 It's good, right? 196 00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:50,500 Good, right? 197 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,440 It's delicious, right? 198 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:53,700 Okay, you can have that. 199 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,000 Have you been helped yet, sir? 200 00:07:58,280 --> 00:07:58,840 Walk around. 201 00:07:59,000 --> 00:07:59,680 Come out the door. 202 00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:00,780 Close talk him now. 203 00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:01,940 Get right up in his grill. 204 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,260 Tap him with the brumia hat. 205 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,200 I'm going to give you a free sample... 206 00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:07,940 of this... 207 00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:09,220 and this. 208 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,280 Okay. 209 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,040 Try to get your head on his chest. 210 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,500 You can try a piece of the prosciutto. 211 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,440 We have a great special today of the roasted peppers. 212 00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:21,140 Which, if you like roasted peppers... Yeah, that's on my sandwich. 213 00:08:21,180 --> 00:08:21,520 That's great. 214 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,840 Okay, great, so... 215 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:26,240 Okay, great. 216 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,336 Let me go get this for you, and I'll bring it right out, okay? 217 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,360 All right. 218 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,160 He's looking at his shirt. 219 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,860 I get two number 13s. 220 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,100 Just fall asleep taking the order. 221 00:08:38,420 --> 00:08:40,400 Is that to stay or to sleep? 222 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:41,840 Uh, to go. 223 00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:47,900 Is he okay? 224 00:08:51,270 --> 00:08:52,370 Just hold it, hold it. 225 00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:52,910 He's looking around. 226 00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:54,050 He doesn't know what to do. 227 00:08:57,650 --> 00:08:58,190 Burr, burr. 228 00:08:58,230 --> 00:08:59,230 Stay asleep, stay asleep. 229 00:09:10,370 --> 00:09:13,630 With no losses in the deli, Joe is in a real pickle. 230 00:09:15,810 --> 00:09:18,070 Why don't you pick up the phone when I call you? 231 00:09:18,170 --> 00:09:19,010 What are you talking about? 232 00:09:19,070 --> 00:09:20,870 You never pick up the phone when I call you. 233 00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:25,390 Because you don't usually have a lot to add to my life. 234 00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:29,950 I know when you're together because as soon as I push Noah his number rings. 235 00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:32,030 I'm like, I guess they have to tell me something. 236 00:09:36,590 --> 00:09:40,150 We're at the grocery store doing market research on a brand new drink. 237 00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:42,676 We're giving away free samples and asking a couple 238 00:09:42,677 --> 00:09:44,510 of questions that we've written for each other. 239 00:09:44,590 --> 00:09:46,850 And the questions will be a complete surprise to us. 240 00:09:47,010 --> 00:09:49,930 These questions will have little or nothing to do with the drink. 241 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,250 Nothing to do with the drink. 242 00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:55,170 I'm ready to go. 243 00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:57,070 Hi, can I give you a free sample? 244 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,130 Would you like? 245 00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:00,470 Did you like the cherry flavor or do you think... 246 00:10:00,471 --> 00:10:04,090 It could have a little more sweetness to it. 247 00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:04,410 Okay. 248 00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:05,750 And have the... 249 00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:11,470 I'd love to feel your mouth with my mouth. 250 00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:12,550 Can we make this happen? 251 00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:17,070 No. 252 00:10:17,370 --> 00:10:18,370 No. 253 00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:21,930 It's a natural sweetener. 254 00:10:22,070 --> 00:10:23,070 Last question. 255 00:10:27,090 --> 00:10:28,290 Last question. 256 00:10:31,790 --> 00:10:32,990 Last question. 257 00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:35,770 What the are you looking at? 258 00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:38,330 Looking at your fruits. 259 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,550 Looking at the fruits, okay. 260 00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:44,570 Free samples, folks? 261 00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:45,850 Free samples? 262 00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:47,370 Try it. 263 00:10:47,430 --> 00:10:48,430 Quick question for you. 264 00:10:50,870 --> 00:10:54,610 Men with large penises love this drink. 265 00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:56,090 I, for one, hate it. 266 00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:57,210 What do you think? 267 00:10:59,230 --> 00:10:59,850 It's good. 268 00:10:59,851 --> 00:11:00,851 It's good, great. 269 00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:03,510 A little thirsty? 270 00:11:03,610 --> 00:11:04,110 Free sample? 271 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,230 It's good. 272 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,610 And then the question is... 273 00:11:11,290 --> 00:11:13,410 And the last question is... 274 00:11:14,290 --> 00:11:15,850 Are you finished? 275 00:11:16,390 --> 00:11:17,470 About the what? 276 00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:25,670 A little thirsty? 277 00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:26,390 Free sample? 278 00:11:26,391 --> 00:11:27,391 It's good. 279 00:11:28,130 --> 00:11:29,890 And then the question is... 280 00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:35,670 And the last question is... 281 00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,110 Are you finished? 282 00:11:38,670 --> 00:11:39,770 About the what? 283 00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:45,960 Are you finished with the drink? 284 00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:50,800 All right, Joe, let's see what you got. 285 00:11:51,060 --> 00:11:52,156 We're doing a taste test today. 286 00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:52,980 Would you like to give a sip? 287 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,200 So let me just... 288 00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:56,020 We... 289 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,200 We squeeze our melons for flavor. 290 00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:02,120 Do you mind when your melons are squeezed? 291 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,520 No. 292 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:05,160 No? 293 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:07,140 And then what about with the drink? 294 00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:12,180 Oh, man. 295 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,320 Free sample, a little sports drink action? 296 00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:17,700 What did you think of that? 297 00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:20,980 And, uh... 298 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,981 Did, uh... I can't tell. 299 00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:27,820 Did this drink make your nips hard? 300 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,560 You know, your nips. 301 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,040 Okay. 302 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,240 So that's just because it's cold in here? 303 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,080 Okay, thank you very much. 304 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,380 And he's holding his... 305 00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:44,200 He's holding his tits walking away. 306 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:45,480 He's warming his nips. 307 00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:51,403 Murr sampled the bitter taste of failure, making it a 308 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:54,380 two-way tie for last as they head into the final challenge. 309 00:12:56,820 --> 00:12:58,380 Why are your nipples always hard? 310 00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:58,900 Look. 311 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,240 Like, even in warm weather, your nipples are hard? 312 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:01,560 Always. 313 00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:04,060 I have two shirts on right now. 314 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,900 Why do you notice that his nipples are always hard? 315 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,020 Right now. 316 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,520 Today we get to make out with girls. 317 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:13,280 No, we don't. 318 00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:14,900 Today we're teaching CPR. 319 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:16,636 Yeah, and we're gonna have the earpiece in. 320 00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:18,356 We have to do and say what the other guys tell us. 321 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,980 This is the kind of girls Murray makes out with. 322 00:13:19,981 --> 00:13:20,981 Yes. 323 00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:24,760 Hi, I'm Brian. 324 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:25,400 Alex. 325 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:26,980 I'm your CPR instructor. 326 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:27,760 Michael. 327 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,600 I'm gonna teach you the ABCs of CPR. 328 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:31,480 Alright? 329 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:35,640 And at the end of this session... If you only remember one thing... 330 00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:37,521 If you only remember one thing... Remember this. 331 00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:38,700 Remember this. 332 00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:49,310 Okay, you wanna try compressions? 333 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,190 Go ahead, get in there. 334 00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:51,270 See how you do. 335 00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:54,770 Right off the bat, I see you not being half as sensual as you need to be. 336 00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:57,430 Right off the bat, I see, like, you're not being... 337 00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:01,070 half as sensual as you need to be. 338 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,050 half as sensual as you need to be. 339 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,870 Have you guys ever taken any CPR stuff before? 340 00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:07,530 No. 341 00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:08,110 No? 342 00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:08,730 Okay. 343 00:14:09,270 --> 00:14:10,430 Lock your hands like this. 344 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,490 Now, go like this. 345 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,736 Q, tell him the last guy that touched the dummy's mouth had herpes. 346 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,300 I'm not gonna have you put your lips on this because there was a guy in here 347 00:14:24,301 --> 00:14:26,301 before and he had, like, herpes all over his thing. 348 00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:27,740 Now put your lips all over it. 349 00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:33,260 Just like that. 350 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:36,440 Okay. 351 00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,520 So the first thing you want to do is you want 352 00:14:38,521 --> 00:14:40,320 to come over and ask them if they're choking. 353 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,580 Are you choking? 354 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:43,520 Yeah, let's face it. 355 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:44,560 Are you choking? 356 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:46,820 Are you choking? 357 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:52,480 Now before we administer CPR, everyone has a moment of truth. 358 00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:54,620 Is this person too gross to save? 359 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,680 Is this person too gross to touch? 360 00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:02,560 So, uh, Have you guys had any experience with CPR before? 361 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:02,780 Yes. 362 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:03,360 How so? 363 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,020 I just graduated from med school. 364 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,620 Oh crap, he's a doctor. 365 00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,340 Check whether it's a boy or a girl. 366 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:13,160 Okay, first you want to come over and you want to check if it's a boy or a girl. 367 00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:21,700 Remember, if she has a brassiere on, you might want to take off the brassiere. 368 00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:26,980 Because the rule is, let them titties go before you start to blow. 369 00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:36,600 Yeah, okay, so women wear brassieres that could be obstructing or constricting. 370 00:15:36,780 --> 00:15:42,280 So the rule is, you want to let them titties go before you start to blow. 371 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,540 Let's all say it. 372 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,120 So let's say it together. 373 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:54,200 You want to let them titties go before you start to blow. 374 00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,500 You're James. 375 00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,676 Michelle, so nice to meet you. 376 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:00,360 Hi James, Paula. 377 00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:01,720 Paula, so nice to meet you. 378 00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:04,160 My gym teacher gave me CPR for the first time when I was 15. 379 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:08,340 My personal background is that I actually received CPR when I was a kid. 380 00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:09,860 I was 15, my gym teacher gave me CPR. 381 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:11,800 Oh no. 382 00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:12,180 Yeah. 383 00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:13,900 Now that I think of it, I wasn't choking. 384 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,020 I wasn't choking, now that I think about it. 385 00:16:20,420 --> 00:16:21,480 So, first things first. 386 00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:22,320 Have a lean in. 387 00:16:22,420 --> 00:16:22,660 Okay. 388 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,196 You're going to whisper to her. 389 00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:24,980 Whatever you do. 390 00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:25,440 Whatever you do. 391 00:16:25,441 --> 00:16:27,420 Don't confuse the inferior vena cava. 392 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,420 Don't confuse the inferior vena cava. 393 00:16:30,421 --> 00:16:31,461 With the pulmonary valves. 394 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,540 With the pulmonary valves. 395 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:33,760 Someone could die. 396 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,060 Someone could die. 397 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:35,820 Okay. 398 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,160 But what did I just tell you? 399 00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:39,920 So what did I just tell you? 400 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:40,220 That's right. 401 00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:43,080 Never want to confuse the vena cava. 402 00:16:44,060 --> 00:16:45,200 Inferior vena cavas? 403 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:45,860 Yes. 404 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:51,980 You don't ever want to confuse the inferior vena cava with the pulmonary valves. 405 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,060 Or someone could die. 406 00:16:53,140 --> 00:16:53,860 Or someone could die. 407 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:54,840 And what did I just tell you? 408 00:16:54,841 --> 00:16:55,961 So what did I just tell you? 409 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,200 ...in the... I'm getting it confused. 410 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:00,700 That's okay. 411 00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:01,000 It's okay. 412 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,080 This is a dummy. 413 00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:02,460 It's okay. 414 00:17:02,461 --> 00:17:03,120 She's not dying. 415 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,980 I'm gonna do this one last time, Paula. 416 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:09,900 Don't confuse the inferior vena cava with the pulmonary valve, or someone could die. 417 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,160 So what did I just tell you? 418 00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:15,160 Michelle, come over here. 419 00:17:15,161 --> 00:17:15,660 Get in the middle of it. 420 00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:16,020 Come in close. 421 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:17,360 Everybody hug each other. 422 00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:18,120 Get right around that head. 423 00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:18,440 Come on. 424 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:19,280 Okay. 425 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:19,620 Ready? 426 00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:28,261 Don't confuse the inferior vena cava with the pulmonary valves, or someone could die. 427 00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,220 What did I just tell you? 428 00:17:31,820 --> 00:17:33,700 So have you ever done the Heimlich? 429 00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:34,580 No. 430 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,720 Joe, just start making up medical terms. 431 00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,460 So you want to come right under into the Nissan Maximus. 432 00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:44,079 Push right here, right under the Regis Philbin, and you want to... 433 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,461 until something pops out. 434 00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:48,880 Some people will do a problem, and they'll go right up top on the Nissan Altimus. 435 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,180 You want to get under to the Nissan Maximus. 436 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,140 Right here. 437 00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:53,220 So not too low. 438 00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:54,340 And a Nissan Sentris. 439 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,240 You want to get them right in the Pathfinder. 440 00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:59,520 You're saving this person. 441 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:00,120 This is an emergency. 442 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,880 You come in, clear the area. 443 00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:03,920 Are you breathing? 444 00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:05,280 Stay away from the light! 445 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,080 You got to get them up. 446 00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:07,820 You got so much to live for! 447 00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:10,080 Come back to me, you son of a bitch Calrondy! 448 00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:11,296 You stay away from the light! 449 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:12,760 Calrondy, get away from the light! 450 00:18:16,650 --> 00:18:20,150 The way to get to the heart... ...is through my pants. 451 00:18:22,070 --> 00:18:23,070 That's what you say? 452 00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:27,350 The easiest way to get to the heart The only way to start is by making me dinner. 453 00:18:29,050 --> 00:18:30,050 Joey lost! 454 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,210 Complete flat line! 455 00:18:31,990 --> 00:18:33,730 Stay away from the line! 456 00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:35,070 Clear! 457 00:18:36,030 --> 00:18:37,030 That's enough. 458 00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:38,930 It's good. 459 00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:40,030 It's really good. 460 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:41,370 Honestly. 461 00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:43,790 I can keep going another minute. 462 00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,210 Joe joked at the CPR class. 463 00:18:46,490 --> 00:18:50,510 And now he's in critical condition because he is tonight's big loser. 464 00:18:53,070 --> 00:18:56,186 Joe's failure has brought him here to a Moroccan 465 00:18:56,187 --> 00:18:58,790 lounge where there's tons of sexy belly dancers. 466 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:02,410 But tonight, there's about to be an extra special belly dancer. 467 00:19:02,590 --> 00:19:03,670 Our best friend Joe. 468 00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:04,930 Former best friend. 469 00:19:05,050 --> 00:19:08,019 Joe, you gotta go upstairs and perform a belly dance 470 00:19:08,020 --> 00:19:10,510 to a packed lounge in full belly dancing regalia. 471 00:19:10,830 --> 00:19:12,666 Are they providing a belly or am I gonna have to use my own? 472 00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:13,270 No, no, no. 473 00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:14,350 You brought the belly. 474 00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:15,390 This one's BYOB. 475 00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:23,940 Ladies and gentlemen, the line. 476 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:26,500 This is ridiculous. 477 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:28,440 This is insane. 478 00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:31,940 And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. 479 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,760 Please welcome, Joe! 480 00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:44,264 Joe's failure has brought him here to a Moroccan 481 00:19:44,265 --> 00:19:46,870 lounge where there's tons of sexy belly dancers. 482 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:50,530 But tonight, there's about to be an extra special belly dancer. 483 00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:51,750 Our best friend Joe. 484 00:19:58,140 --> 00:19:59,140 Yeah! 485 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,540 Ladies and gentlemen, this is ridiculous. 486 00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:04,440 This is insane. 487 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,740 And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. 488 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,600 Please welcome, Joe! 489 00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:30,040 Take the mask off! 490 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,340 Show your face! 491 00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:37,020 Get into 492 00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:45,900 it, you cheeky monkey! 493 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:47,960 ... 494 00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:50,041 ... ... ... 33297

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