Original subtitles

Pay attention

What happened to you?

We need a medic immediatly

What's your name?

What has happened?

My name is Jimmy

I love pumpkin pie

3 years later

When do these people learn to drive

Sir

Well hello handsome

I'd really like to hold your hands now

Dirty old man, I came here for policework

The victims are over there

Let's see

It seems that these people were driving really fast

They somersaulted like 40 times until they hit a wall

Amateurs..

We also found some guns and bullets

Where the heck did you find this?

Over there

Is this some kind of murder weapon?

No, it's just a random gun hanging about

Don't ask stupid questions

If you are not a retard

They appear to be shot about 300 times

Then put in the car and launched with 500mph

And I'm an expert so I know stuff

He appears to be very dead

Normally I can't touch men like this

But since he's dead..

I will stuff this pencil up his nostril

And maybe in other places too

This is my profession

Are you hiring?

Not at the moment

But work hard and we'll see

Now I will rub his nipple

And squeeze it like this

It must feel very good for him even though he's a corpse

Birdie...

The Jailhouse

What wrong with your arm?

It's all messed up

I've been jerking off for 52 years

It's not strange that I lost all control

Mister Kong, just use your other hand

Or feet

It's not the end of the world

Easy for you to say

This hand is legendary for it's fluid motion

Out of nowhere

Orgasms would erupt even when I slept

Awesome, wet dreams

What the heck

This is the masturbation guy

Hey grandpa, have trouble pleasing yourself?

- He can still.. - Shutup!

Yeah sorry..

- How dare you to sit here?

- You made some stains here?

- Get the fuck outta here

Read the newspaper

Read the newspaper!

The Police Department has found dead bodies

Belonging to people who are dead

The expert on the scene said they look very dead

Also post autopsy has shown

That after their death their nipples

were severely twisted

Also a standard size pencil was found

Inserted into the nose of a victim

It makes no sense to twist nipples like that

The one responsible is probably this woman

I want to call.. that woman

Call to this woman please?

Oh sure

If you suck my dick

What the?

My shift ends in an hour

Are you serious?

Oh and it's not just me

You've got to do all the guards.

Just one should be enough

I can't do 100 guards

My grandpa used to say

Love is an icecream sundae

Sex is the cherry on top

No way

Shitface

I'm not into that

Can't you make an exception?

If we can roleplay as military guys

Then I might do it

Yes sir!

You want military uniforms and everything?

Do you think this is a game?

You can't be serious

This asshole again?

Everyone put on uniforms!

We'll roleplay allright!

My Ultimate POWER

Bend over with your face down

Bring me that woman

And a pumpkin pie

He loves pumpkin pie

But good pie is hard to find

But he also asked for you..

So maybe you can ease his tension

He also has an uniform fetish

Uniforms?

Military ones

Open

Madam

That uniform

is quite awesome

But certainly not

of the military kind

I know

Also you have no pie

You must know I love pumpkin pie

Add a sprinkle of cinnamon

What about lemon?

No lemon

I love lemon

No lemon

Adding lemon to pumpkin pie

Its an offense to the gods!

So what can we do?

I know you guys have been twisting nipples

I want that too

Afterwards I will bake my own

perfect pumpkin pie

Why add lemon?

I'll stuff a pencil up someone's nose

And smother myself with pumpkin pie

That is my wish

I will teach you the recipe

If you get me out

How do we

Know your pumpkin pie is any good?

Just because you do kung-fu

Doesn't make you a cook

You place the dough

In a pie pan

Then it needs to firm up

Bake for 10 minutes

Until its firm an dry

Now take pumpkin

Mix it with cream cheese in a bowl

Then sugar and salt

Add a little melted butter

Finally add some cinnamon

Pour it in the pie crust

Bake for 50 minutes

This is basic pumpkin pie

While this sounds super awesome

You forgot to add eggs

You are shitty cook

Kung fu is not cooking

You didn't add whipped cream a a topping

Why should I believe you?

Whipped cream...

On my pumpkin pie...

You think you know cooking

While having no love for pumpkins

Why do you ruin my pie?!

Pumpkins are disgusting!

Get a team of officers to try the recipe

Really?

With lemon

Yes madam

Museum

Ten years ago

I used drugs for the first time

It was a just a little reefer

But I also had a full bottle of scotch

Hell

I was so high I couldn't

feel my toes

Now I have

Crystal Meth and steroids

And I'm about to flip out

I'm on my steroid rage

And I hate giant skelletons

This is my giant skeleton

I don't want junkies walking on it!

That wasn't walking, right?

You look like an idiot wearing boots like that

You are actually a midget but appear taller

You know what I do to midgets?

You call me midget

I prefer small person

These are officers involved

In attemping the recipe

Mr Chow

Mr Lee and Mr Chen

They can bake no pie

It is not normal for them to bake

They are just cops

But they can do kung-fu?

They do beat folks up

But Jimmy is something else

He was chosen by Gordon Ramsey

As an apprentice

He started off with regular pies

But discovered pumpkin pie by accident

He went back to Hong Kong

And made a perfect pumpkin pie

But some asshole tried to take his pie

So he kicked him in the head and balls

Kicked him so often in the balls

That the victim died

Hey you, come and pleasure me

We have just had an incoming report

This morning some junkie killed a guy

They might have been arguing about pie

While standing on a skelleton

You need cinnamon for good pie

Not too much

Else you get cinnamon pie

Adding lemon adds freshness

Lemon ruins pumpkins

Its an offense to the gods!

I love pie

We need your help

Have you brought me ingredients?

What does it look like?

A stupid girl

With no ingredients

You want me to kill this junkie guy

But you refuse to help me

To make my ultimate pie

Either you get me a kitchen here

Or..

You let me out

Drugs

Make me feel good

(Random sounds)

Prison Exit

Good morning

Good morning

Here is a list of bakeries

Go there

And eat all the pie you can eat

I checked them out

No lemon

And with some cinnamon

Using only the good stuff

Please kill that guy

The junkie

Because he despises pumpkins

I am told

He prefers lemon custard and heroin

Anyone who loves lemon custard

Deserves to die a horrible death

I will put my foot so far up his ass

The water in my knee will quench his thirst

And then

I'll make him love pumpkin pies

You will force feed him?

That's what I intend

Tattoo shop

Go away, I can smell you from here

Why does he leave these things

What is this?

A birdie

It might be possible

He is some kind of bird right activist

You know like those people

Who eat beef but no chicken at all

They are the worst

Make some room

Let me see!

Get him up

This is a victim of a junkie

He injected him with all kind of dope

Heroin

He might also be a zombie

I saw this show on AMC

It's called the Walking Dead

I've seen that

There's nothing like

Smoking some good crack

Now

Can I twist his nipples now

You promised before!

It's my right

Lemonlover!

Get me some coffee and a bagel

It seems that the suspect

Has bird like abilities

Hi. I'm not here.

Please leave a message

Why am I

next to this guy

What's wrong with his mouth?

Nice pumpkins

Your father

loved pumpkins

The ultimate pumpkin pie

Was his idea

He knew that subtle ingredients

Added so much flavour

Cinnamon

SUBBED by JAYO

While you were away

I had contact with a BDSM guy

He tied me up like this

Where is this from?

A few months ago while you were in jail

I posted pictures of me naked covered in pumpkin pie

He send me a message on Facebook

Are you okay?

You think it's okay to rub your skin full of pumpkin pie

While this asshole probably doesn't appreciate it

Why not use chocolate?

Like a cake?

Or tiramisu

Tiramisu really dries my skin out

If I keep if on too long

Pumpkin pie keeps me looking young

You're right

I love you

um

Whatever

"Street Fighter V is PS4 exclusive"

"Attack on Titan season 3"

"Capcom hates America!"

"Drugs are bad"

"Don't eat birds"

Coke

Crystal Meth

Steroids

Go away

Get lost

Go away

I think what I have here in my left hand

Is something like a birdie

It's probably from some bird activist

Those activists

Like to think that chickens are as important

as humans, that humans should bow

So we are ruled by chickens and peacocks

It probably has to do with all the drugs

If you did all the drugs he did you'd be fucking seagulls

Or a duck

You'd think I fuck a duck?

I'm sure you would, Jimmy

You know the thing with ducks

They say they are the sickest sexual predators

There have been reported cases

Where ducks would sexually molest their dead

It reminds me of this one movie I've seen

I can send you a link if you want

Good sir, we are not here to talk about duck sexuality

Our intent is to find this junkie

Before he begins a bird revolution

How do you even know these guys?

We've been ... friends

I guess that's one way to say it

This was awkward

Thank you

Please send that link to my facebook

Sure

I want that link

All you youngsters talking about pigeons

I have a huge collection of rare stuff myself

If you want a fetish, I got it

From gimp stuff to german scat to animal stuff

Or food stuff

I got footage of pumpkin orgies

like a hundred people

eating pumpkins and having sex

I know you love pumpkin pies

So if you hook me up I hook you up

Long have I searched for pigeon porn

How much data are we talking about?

I think it's about..

2 petabyte

Hello

What?

I need a bunch of harddrives

What?

Why do you need those?

There are very important reasons

So you are saying

But I do not believe you

Listen to me

Pumpkins are rich in fiber

So it slows digestion

This helps you lose weight

That is a good reason

Street

You need a ticket to get in

Order some tickets right now

Ok

This is the worst club ever

It's not a club

It's a crackhouse

Hope you didn't pay for this

This crackhouse is really cozy

Lovely colors

Great ambiance

But hey

This woman has relevant information

You people shouldn't be here

I don't bother you cops

So why you all up in here

Leave me alone

We just want to shoot dope

And dance around like ponies

Oh mighty needle

You make us dance the dancy dance

Spasm around for a bit

Show me your shitface

And hit me in the face

He used that stuff to make lemon custard

Often he rubbed it all on his naked skin

I often watched as he danced naked

He is a criminal

No man should rub himself with lemon custard

He even uses the instant stuff

This asshole can't even mix ingredients himself

I will kill him for this

What the heck..

This does look like a recipe

A recipe to make instant custard

He probably had help

Maybe Jamie Oliver

Jamie loves lemon custard

I saw that junkie watch the cooking channel all the time

He watched a ton of Jamie Oliver

Madam, you should see this

He seems to be a huge Jamie Oliver fan

It seems his wife went to England

To learn custard recipes from Jamie

Look at this tape

This woman was chosen

To master expert custard technique

She has a tendency to fill them with weed

It gets you high

On this video she ate a lot of it

This woman combines the worst drugs

With the best lemon custard out there

I would love to have a taste of her pie.

And by that I don't mean the lemon custard one

I'd like to eat someone else's pie too

And I ain't talking about pumpkin pie either

Listen to me very carefully

I spend years romancing you

You can't let her eat your pie

It's not fair

I don't want..

I don't care what you want

Women have better pie eating technique

She will eat my pie until it shines

She will eat my pie until it shines

And make me feel extremely good

Are you saying I can't please you

Kind of

But

My pie is always open to you

So don't be jealous

I'm not jealous

I have mobilized the entire police force

They are all ready to eat your pie

The whole force?!!

I am very excited to do this

Like taking a pussy to ride a bull

Pussy? Pussy? PUSSY?

Madam, what is this talk about riding bulls?

You'll find out once it's on the internet

You can probably find it at your favorite sites

No please, don't do this

Can I be the first in line?

I don't think so

This sword is a measuring device

I passed that test

Spending years stretching to make it longer

I don't want to hear about your privates

You'll do more than just hearing

A favour for a favour

I don't just give myself away that cheap

Wow that woman was crazy

Moaning and yelling like a whale

Good pie though

Restaurant

Hey gramps, have some fucking chicken

Oh I love me some chicken

If he wins we won't have luxuries like this

We'll all be eating custard

Or fried badgers for all I know

Master Han

Chicken for three

It's from last month

Jimmy boy, long time no see

Thanks master

This bitch tries to take my woman

Come sit, try not to smell the food

I had 72 cases of food poisoning last week

No clue as to why

Are you on drugs?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

This stuff is why I live

I can get it in bulk

from this guy in Chinatown

Why Chinatown?

I tried buying it around here one time

but it's no good

Now I only get pure grade stuff

It smells like lemons though

Lemon custard?

The next scene

Is for gangnam style part two

I'll be dancing over there

Then the young girls come out over there

And we start singing

Understand

We fucking sing

Clear

Who the fuck did that? That is expensive

Now there's a crackhead on the set

Send him to a shelter

Those who eat birds

Get out

A study in England

has shown that baby chickens

Can master numeracy and basic engineering

Unexpected?

It wasn't for me

Ive loved birds since birth

As reported by our laboratory examination

He appears to have been fighting

Most likely against a crackhead with a stanley knife

The wounds smell like lemon custard

The stanley knife has seen much use

Science has shown it to be a used primarily

As a device for cutting lemon custard cakes

Check if he uses cinnamon in his recipes

This is extremely important

Yes madam

Why does a bird activist on drugs and lemon custard

Slice up people?

It doesn't make sense to me

What if

He kills someone who is casually

Eating a cinnamon pumpkin pie

Pumpkin contains beta-carotene

This is converted to vitamin A

Vitamin A

Is this relevant?

Vitamin A is essential for eye health

It improves your immune system

And reduces cancer risk

Hey

Hey honey, can you come over

I'm horny as a badger and need some

sweet loving

I'm going to impale you

Call me Lancalot if you want

Some of the boys miss you too

Boss, don't call for this during work

But you work for me

I only want shag you

I pay your house, pay your car

Know this shit is not free

Remember that eh

Will you come over now?

I'm on my period right now

I don't care

Steak is best when it's bloody too

I feel sorry

Sorry that I'm in this car with you

The things they do with you..

I can only imagine

Don't even go that route

You keep ranting about pumkpins

Vitamin A

You do know other food contains vitamin A

And beta carotin and all that other crap

So don't you play smart with me

I know other food contains Vitamin A

But not in large quantities

This bird activist junkie

Think Vitamin C is superiour

That's why he eats those filthy lemons

Or instant lemon custard

Pumpkins taste like ass

Sir! Is this a war on chicken or pumpkin?

I'm a homosexual male and 35 years old

- Would you consider me attractive?

Are these attacks aimed at pumpkins or birdeaters?

I think you're very handsome

To answer that other question

It's not very clear

It's a bird loving lemon freak

But wait, you did say I was handsome right?

I think you policemen are a bunch of fucking homo's

Isn't that right?

Look at that uniformed fairy

Bet you love black bailing

Get the fuck outta here

Hey, aren't you Donnie Yen?

Madam, do you think I look gay?

A random guy just called me a homo

Madam

We just found a witness

That is not relevant

Please remove yourself from life

Yes madam

I love lemon curd

Almost as much as birds

This guy says he loves birds and lemon curd

It must be the junkie!

Make me a sandwich

Yes madam

Talk to the methhead

Why do you hate pumpkins?

When I was just a little boy

My daddy always told me to eat my pumpkin

"It's full of beta carotine"

"Full of fiber"

"Have some chicken with it, it's so moist"

When I killed him

I made the chickens eat him

Look at Google Maps!

Enable Streetview?

Enable it

Ready to initiate streetview

That's when I learned

The benefits of Vitamin C

It boosts collegen production

which

leads to healthy bones and joints

Lemons contain much Vitamin C

That's why

I love me some lemon custard

That's why

I hate pumpkin pie

Don't diss my pie!

I caught my wife eating pumpkin

So I decided to feed her

to the birds

Please take a bath right now

Hurry!

Someone lost his phone

He has an iPhone

I should've known a nutjob like that

Would buy a fucking iPhone

Damn hipsters

What kind of phone do you have?

Wait

I used to have a Samsung Galaxy S

But I got an iPhone as replacement

That doesn't mean I'm a nutjob

I don't use the market

I just use it for messaging and calls

Get him a replacement

Yes madam

Thank you madam

Make me a cheese-ham sandwich

With no lettuce and extra cheese

Now

Yes madam

That's why

I hate pumpkin pie

Don't diss my pie!

That's why

I hate pumpkin pie

What?

Madam, I'm drunk and

I was thinking we could maybe

Grab some chicken and a beer

You filthy bastard, don't you know

that eating birds is dangerous right now?

Pumpkins taste like ass

autopsy has shown

that their nipples

were severely twisted

A pencil was inserted..

Sorry madam

Speak

We searched his iPhone

His Facebook was logged in

His profile says that

he likes country music

He's Chinese and loves country music

I will stuff his balls in this bag

That is after I remove them

You seem like the type of guy

to touch balls

Country music seems to fit the profile

What other crazy shit might he be in to?

Now make me a salmon sandwich

Yes madam

Can anyone explain to me what is going on?

I expected this to be about policework

But I make about 40 sandwiches a day

I want a sandwich too

If we confiscate some salmon

We can all eat salmon sandwiches

So let's send in SWAT

To raid some fishers

I repeat

We are looking for all the salmon we can get

White salmon red salmon

Pink salmon

Any color of fucking salmon you can find

And don't forget the sauce

We've found no signs of salmon

Make sandwich

Yes madam

This might be a clue

He loves chicken AND salmon

It's a shrine

Slick and yet tender to the touch

I love salmon very much

That rhymes

I like rhymes

Shut up

I'm hungry

Fix me up a tuna burger

Yes madam

No salmon here

But enough tuna

For some tuna burgers

This methhead loves salmon

So we have a salmon hostage

He will try to save it

The entire operation will be streamed online

We will make money with advertisements

Got it.

Team 1 will place some camera's here

Got it.

The other team will do the editing afterwards

Someone get me a burrito

Yes madam

We will shoot this methhead on camera

And donate his flesh to the poor

I will get a lot of money from this

Remember

This goes deeper than pumpkin pie

Thank you

Let me touch you

Don't fucking touch me

Sorry

I bring you pumpkin in chicken broth

So at least let me touch your hand

You used to be different

Eat up

I made this pumpkin soup from an old recipe

Not just the recipe is old

This pumpkin tastes rotten

Like shit

Don't diss my fucking soup, please.

I'm cosplaying right now

He got out of the boat!

Methhead is gone!

Someone check up on our salmon!

Search again

Hurry!

Look at this

It's your boss

What happened

I want you to wear lingerie

I prefer the green one

Also your panties

Should be crotchless

Also I want you to meet some friends

They are very eager to meet you

Thank you

You were there with him!

I knew when I saw that iPhone

His girlfriend is running!

Let me

Look at me

No look at me

Look at me

I think we need to use the other doorway

Everybody listen up

We want to interrogate Jimmy

Don't let him get away

Hurry up

I got some instant custard

Now give me a pound of fresh pumpkin

Pumpkins..

Disgust me

Listen up

He doesn't have any pumpkin!

Twist my foot!

Harder!

Kung-Fu is like cooking

You can't fight

So you can't cook

Are you hurt?

Suspect seems to be running around

with no clear purpose

Look at me!

Get me a burger!

There's a guy on a ladder

The suspect might be hiding in the floor

What? How did he get into the floor

Does he have cheats?

- I meant to say he went through the door

Tell me which fucking door!

Is anyone there?

This a general service annoucement

We have a fitness test next month

Shit, I forgot all about that

Fuck with his custard..

They are fighting over custard

I'm about to shoot someone

But I've never held a gun

Hurry, hurry up

I can't hit anything

Someone answer this thing

I can explain everything

He had to find me

Huh

He told me

He had a secret recipe

The recipe his dad used to feed him

But you fucking cops

think you know all about cooking

While I don't like pumpkin

I can appreciate a good cook

We can do business

You ruin pies

I don't ruin pies! I love pie

If you really love pie

why do you keep ordering

those damn sandwiches?!

I eat pie at least

Three times a day

I love pumpkin pie so much

My casket will be made out of pumpkin

If you get me top grade lemons

You will be able to make your pie

A delicous pie

That's your reason?!

Pumpkins are important

Eating them helps blocking UV rays

So it's great for your skin!

I thought you'd understand

But you clearly

don't like pumpkin pie

That's why I don't want to see you again

You stupid cuntface

Cunt? Cunt?! CUNT?! CUUNT?!!

So here you are

Leave us

Why can't I trust you

Are you talking about the lingerie?

Yes, I am

I'm the one paying for your house

Your car, your slutty clothes

But you don't obey me like you should

Do you have anything to say?

I was busy trying to catch a methhead

And getting salmon for my sandwiches

Why don't you

Make me a chicken sandwich

Hi Madam!

So this guy looks at me like he wants to start something

I kick him between the legs

It was crazy

Let's go to a tittybar now

No problem

- Thank you, sir

Wouldn't it be nice

If your penis was that long?

Would you really like

to be penetrated by a 2 meter long staff?

That's one orgasm

Imagine how many you could have

We can try it

If we just go step by step

It might fit

No it won't

You are sexually very confused

I sometimes dream

of being raped by hippos

So

I guess I'm different

Your girlfriend loves kung-fu

That's why

She sucked my dick

Honey

Now I know why

you sometimes smelled just like

fucking lemon custard

You were tainted by his penis

Bake for 10 minutes

Until its firm an dry

Now take pumpkin

Why does a bird activist on drugs and custard

Slice up people with a knife?

It doesn't make sense to me

"Lemon Pumpkin Pie"

That Lemon Pumpkin Pie is fucking awesome

I told you that lemons were good

The only thing ruining that pie

is pumpkin

You dare to insult pumpkins?

I will fucking kill you

I'm

So high right now

I won't feel shit

Hey baby, we need to talk

Speak

You're nothing without me

Why have you ignored my calls this week?

I saved you!

Call boyfriend

You need to press x twice here

It's a quick time event

You almost kill me because I don't like pumpkins?!

Your hands must smell

like lemons right now

I win

Make sure this rope never smells like lemons

Fuck!

Hey Jimmy

I'm so fucking high right now

You don't look so good man

Perhaps you need

Vitamin C

I told you that shit was important

But all you ever loved was pumpkins

Now you'll die

With vitamin deficit

Pumpkins taste like rubber

And smell like ass

How can you eat that stuff?

Pumpkins are supreme

Can you give me a list of all the drugs you're on?

Name a few!

Jimmy, Jimmy!

Jailhouse

Hey asshole, come over here

Don't I get a handjob? You promised!

Get one of the guards to do it

Sit down

These uniforms you guys wear look really good

My boss tried your pie recipe

He liked it very much

He said that if you weren't such a homo

You could probably be our cook

But he did agree to release you

I love pie

Thank you

Thank you

I learned during this journey

That lemon is pretty good

So I've decided to dress everyone

in lemon colored shirts

to send a message

But still

Lemon doesn't have the same benefits

as pumpkin

Pumpkin seeds contain anti oxidants

which prevent prostate cancer

You can add those seeds to meals

Or sprinkle them on your pumpkin pie

The End