All language subtitles for Animal Control s03e04 Baby Kangaroos and Chickens.eng

Let's go.

- Doc.

She has no recollection

of the last eight years.

Bring it on.

I came here to help you.

"Kitchen Nightmares"

Are you in.

And "Going Dutch"

Pew pew pew.

First guns I've
seen on the base.

Let's go,
let's go.

All available now.

Okay. That tight?

Yep.

Ooh!

Kinky.

I found a shock collar
in deep storage,

where I keep
my whatchamacallits.

I'm trying to see if it works.

Luckily, Shred's neck
is the same size

as an average labradoodle.

Did you give consent,
and do you have a safe word?

[remote beeps]

I do, and Viggo Mortensen.

Nice.

Whenever you're ready, Frank.

I'm pressing it now.
[remote beeps]

Hmm.

This thing is red hot
in my hand.

Well, you know, I have a pretty
high pain tolerance.

Lest we forget, I did get
frostbite on my penis,

and then won a mechanical bull
riding contest the same night.

Wow.

Yeah, I don't think it works.
Give me that thing.

Oh. You gonna try it?

Yeah.

Sure you can handle the tickle?

I'm guessing that
the batteries are dead.

'Cause if you're not feeling...

...anything, then I don't
think that...

- [remote beeps]
- [Frank groans in pain]

[Shred laughs]

Ahh!

[Shred] Yes!
I got you! I got you!

I was in excruciating pain.

[Shred laughs]

He said he could never
be got.

[repeating] Viggo Mortensen!
Viggo Mortensen...!

- The button.
- Viggo Mortensen!

You gotta let go of the button.

There, there.

Wow.

How did you do that?

It took everything in me
not to react.

I peed a little...
but it was worth it.

?

[Fiona] Oh!

Wow.

If I was grading that,
and I am,

I'd give it a 98 out of 100.

98?

One point off per sock
left on. Fair.

I gotta go to work, though.
Animals never sleep.

I mean, they do.

It's just... you know
what I mean.

Mmm.

Okay.

Oh!

I've got something for you.

Oh. Thank you.

Wait.
Is this an anniversary gift?

Has it been a month already?
I didn't get you anything.

No.

I get sent free stuff
from brands all the time

wanting to do collaborations.

Do let me know if you'd like
a de-puffing concealer.

I'm good. But I mean, if it's...
junking up your closet, then...

Will I see you tonight at
the animal control fundraiser?

Uh...

I wasn't planning on it.

Oh, I don't care.
It's fine. [scoffs]

I was just making conversation
because you're taking so long

to put your shoes on.

Oh, good. 'Cause the excuses
I had ready were pretty weak.

I was in a cat died
or Shred died area.

Frank, relax.

I'm very happy with how
un-talky and uncomplicated

our situationship is.

I see what you did.
Describes us perfectly.

I'll get you a couple
of those concealers.

Yeah.

[Emily] Okay, people.

Fiona Holcomb is hosting
the fundraiser tonight

for our new annex kennels,
and as you know,

we're bringing Toby,
the baby kangaroo.

I'm still looking for
volunteers to be

his handler tonight.

Would that I could,
but we're in the final push

to flip our house.

Yep. All that's left to address
is a small animal issue

in the attic.
We heard a skitter.

So, it's either one big rat
or two rats working together,

which is kinda cute.

We're gonna go set a trap
at lunch.

It might be the first job
we're actually qualified

to do in the house.

I've been working on this
for weeks.

I volunteer...

Victoria.

Okay, great! Thank you.

No, uh...

that can't work.

Your first job is gonna be
to set up the kangaroo pen

at Fiona's house this morning.

Great. I don't care...

because there's an open bar
at the event tonight.

[Emily] There you go!

I will be fine tuning
my speech in my office,

so, if you guys need anything,
too bad. [chuckles]

Unless it's important,
and then just knock. Yeah.

And all of the funds raised
here tonight will go directly

towards the construction
of our new adoption space.

Thank you.

[Bettany clapping]

- That was amazing.
- [Emily squeals]

Real tears.

Wow. I think I'm ready.
[phone rings]

Yeah. You are.

Oh! Oh, it's Fiona.

Hi, Fiona.

Emily!

How is the speech coming?

It's going great.

I hope your guests have a taste
for pie charts.

I have a thought.

I just saw this roast of
a football person.

You should do that
for the speech tonight.

Oh, a... a roast, um...
like making fun of people?

Yeah!

Tease 'em. Let 'em have it.
They will absolutely love it.

I... I am just wondering.
[phone beeps]

Uh, the double beep means
she hung up.

Oh. Okay.

A roast, uh... it's a bit of
a pivot, but I can be funny.

Yeah... you can be funny.

I did just hear a really funny
joke the other day.

Why did the fish blush?

Well, I think Fiona's looking
for something edgier.

You know, hard jokes.

I'll help you. We're gonna
research these people...

Great.

...and bring 'em on down a peg.
You know?

Yeah. Are you sure
you don't wanna know why

the fish blushed?

It's 'cause he saw
the ocean's bottom.

[Emily laugh]

Yeah, I had that popsicle, too.

[Emily laughs]

[Patel] You know, if we get
over-asking,

I'm gonna put a Jacuzzi
in my backyard.

After I pay off
my credit cards.

And put brakes on the mini.
My kid's teeth are a mess.

God, I'm in a hole.

Yeah.

I'm gonna get one of those TVs

that looks like a painting
when you turn it off.

Like a frame?

No, it's like a TV.

[thudding]

Oh... that sounded like more
than a skitter.

That was a full-on thud.

What the hell kinda animal
is that?

This is where our years
of training pay off.

Get the stick.

The cheese was a nice touch.

You know, I put that in
my pocket this morning

and I didn't know why.

[chuckles]

Ooh!

I felt something.

And the cheese is gone.

Let's look at the playback.
See what kinda trap we need.

[both scream]

It was a man's hand!

Hand of a man!

[Fiona] Hello!

Hey.

Emily said you were
stopping by.

Yeah. I hope you
don't mind

that I put the kangaroo pen
over here.

It reminds me of some parties
I went to in my 20's.

[both laugh]

Quite the setup.

Yeah, I got a bit sweaty
putting it together.

[chuckles]

You look good
with your hair up.

Oh, thanks.

Do you want some kelp water?

Yeah.

They're amazing at
replenishing electrolytes

and making your skin glow.

Oh.

Is that your secret?

[chuckles]

[Victoria humming]

[humming]

[chairs thud]

Ugh.

Where'd you get those?

I can't say.

Legally, you can't say?

Correct.

Where did you get yours?

Legally, I can't say.

Hmm.

Are we both not saying
what I think we're not saying?

It does feel like we're
in the same boat, yeah.

A fancy, litigious boat
where we both went...

below deck?

You know what? I'm not scared.
I'll say it.

I'll say it if you say it.

Count of three.

Okay.

[in unison] One. Two.

- We both got with Fiona.
- Three.

Okay. I was going
on the three.

We slept with the same person.

Wow. Look at us, carpooling
through the same tunnel.

What a small,
promiscuous world.

You're not... exclusive, right?

- Oh! No, no.
- Great.

It's cool, I'm cool.
You guys are cool.

I mean, there's no serious
feelings, right?

Of course not.

I don't need to hear
the answer to that question.

I mean, it was just one time.

When? I mean... when?

At lunch.

Afternoon delight,
like the song.

Which I'm sure you've heard,

because we're practically
the same age.

Are you sure you're fine
with this?

I mean, I'm gonna see her
again tonight

at the fundraiser,

and I mean, like, I don't know
what's gonna happen.

Wow.
A lunch and a dinner hookup.

No intermittent fasting
for you.

Okay. You don't seem fine.

No, I am fine.

No, it's great.
Have a good time.

I know she will.

She gave me a 98.

[Frank] Oh, hey.

I just wanna say, I really
hope tonight goes well.

Thanks. I'm a little nervous
about my speech.

I had something written, but
now Fiona wants me to be funny.

Oh, you'll be fine.
I laugh at you all the time.

And it's super smart
that you're bringing

the baby kangaroo.

Reminds everyone we do more
than cats and dogs.

Plus, he's super cute.

You'd never suspect
he was a biter.

[laughs] Right?

Wait... he's a biter?

I'm sure he'll respect
the surroundings

and keep the biting
to a minimum.

Plus, Victoria will be sober.

Competent.

Is there any way
that you could...

Go to the event?

Ooh, that is asking
a lot, day of.

But maybe I could move
some stuff around.

I know, I'm sure you're busy.

Done! Moved around.

My dad's surgery
is outpatient anyway.

Frank Shaw to the rescue again.

You owe me!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Shh! What?

What do we know about
this man in our attic?

We know this.

He came into our house
without our permission.

Now come on, man.
You're Shred Taylor.

Which one of us outran
an emu?

- I did.
- You did.

He was pretty injured,
but I'm on board.

God, you know how
to push my buttons.

Shh.

Trap door's open.

[whispers] He's out!
Squatter in the wind!

Squatter in the wind!

[all scream]

Whoo!

[screaming]

Who are you?
Are you Parasite-ing us?

Fellas... my name is Parker.

I was part of the paint crew
that did your kitchen.

- What?
- And I had no place to go.

And your renovation...
is impeccable.

Impeccable?

Crown moulding... crazy.

- Yeah, it is... it is crazy.
- That was my idea.

We had a sense
it came together, but...

feels good to hear it.

[beeping sound]

That's my coffee.

You mean our coffee?
We got it for the staging.

You wanna stay and have a cup?

I got espresso too,
if you like the tiny stuff.

No, man! You gotta go.

I mean, it does
smell incredible.

No, he's gotta go.

[beeping sound]

That's my banana bread.

[chuckles]

I do love banana bread.

Just one cup, one slice,
then he's gone.

Yeah.

One cup, one slice,
then you're gone.

[crowd chattering]

What do you think?

Oh...

Pretty great turnout, right?

Oh my gosh.

Yeah. How's the speech coming?
You ready?

Oh, I'm ready.
I am locked and loaded.

Ready to roast these people.

Roast?

Okay.

Might work.
Definitely a choice.

Good luck.
Just a second, excuse me.

[Emily stammers]

Just...

[stammering]

Okay, boss. Boss.
You're short-circuiting.

We wrote great jokes.
Stay the course.

Absolutely. Yeah, you're right.

Um... yeah. I'm gonna make
a pit stop at the bathroom

for a quick vom.

And then, yeah,
I'll be right back.

That's my girl!

Toby, who you will
meet tonight,

is from a long line of
very impressive animals.

His grandmother was actually
the original model

for the Qantas Airlines logo.

[chuckling]

I'm here all week.
Enjoy the party.

Hi.

Someone's popular tonight.

Thank you. I'm just making
stuff up. Yeah.

[Fiona laughs]

Ah! You made it.

Oh, I couldn't miss all
the fun and the paid overtime.

You scrub up very nicely.

Yes.
I thought you weren't coming.

Well, it's called
an Irish hello.

Mm.

And I believe in supporting
the animals.

Yes. The animals.
Those animals.

Mm-hmm.

You broke your NDA's,
didn't you?

- Uh...
- Well...

Guys... I have to get my legal
team involved.

Oh, man.

[laughs]

I'm kidding.

- Oh... [chuckles]
- Okay.

Look, I gave you
the same headphones,

and you work together,

so, I guess it was
a matter of time.

Please...
be grown-ups about this?

Okay?

[chuckles]

So, it's like that, huh?

I think it's definitely
like that.

Did you think you'd show up
in a nice suit

and I'd just leave?

It's a fantastic suit,

and I won't be wearing it
very long.

Do you really think you know
the female anatomy

better than I do?

It's a fantastic suit.

Oh. That's a no. Okay.

Welcome to the big time.

I hope you can
handle yourself.

Yeah, well, I hope you're
ready to sit back

and watch me handle myself.

You know what I mean.

Yeah.

Oh.

So, when I came home,
my lady had changed the locks.

After four years
being together, man.

And the next day,
I showed up late for work.

They fired me.

And I worked there
for six months.

I feel you on the lady thing,
but the... the job...

No. It did sound like
maybe you were still in

a probationary period.
- Yeah.

But none of this is an excuse

for being a stowaway
in your home.

I'm gonna be out by
the end of the day. Okay?

We appreciate that, man.

And we're sorry you've been
having such a tough time.

Now, I gotta address
the elephant in the room.

Bro, is that you?

Is that you from
the video online?

The one that's the...

the one that's like, uh...
"The Thumbs!"

[laughs] I... this is...
I can't believe this.

You recognize me?

I cannot believe
that I've been squatting

in an A-lister's house!

And now I'm really embarrassed.

Will you, um...

hey, will you actually
sign this for me?

What? Okay. I mean...

Can you just... yeah, I would
love it if you could, man.

Sure.

Look at that.

Alright, fellas.
I should dip.

You know what?

Is there anything
we can do to help you?

I feel bad doing this
to a fan.

I mean, I could use some boxes.

And maybe, like, a marker
so that I could write

"Parker's stuff" on the side,

so that I know what's inside
the boxes.

Done.

We'll make a quick run
to the home supply store.

Really?

Shred, come on.
He's a fan!

Fellas.

[Patel chuckles]

Thank you.

Uh...

You can put your tongue
back in your mouth.

I'm just wondering what
you did with the taser.

I left that next
to Fiona's bed.

I'll get it later
when I'm there.

Unless I get there first
and decide to incorporate it

in some role playing.

Where you'll be playing
your usual role of

less intimidating Frankenstein?

Wow.

Victoria.

I mean, wow.

Yeah, it's a shirt and belt.
Let's settle down.

[Emily] Hello? Hey,
is this thing on?

[stammering]
Emily's trying to talk.

Oh...

[Emily] Thank you all so much
for coming out tonight.

And a huge thank you to Fiona
for hosting.

[applause]

[kissing sounds]
Thank you.

We are so lucky to be working
with an icon like you.

Thank you.

Uh, speaking of lucky
to be working,

uh... Tucker Shobald is here.

I see you're all settled
in the corner.

Unlike your last two assistants
who settled out of court.

Ha!

'Cause of harassment charges.

[Bettany] Hey-oh!

Yeah.

Um... who else is here?

Oh, Tabitha Mittons.

Tabitha is really
racking up the titles.

SVP.

CEO.

DUI.

[crowd gasps]

Bloop! Got her. [laughs]

Mic drop.

[microphone thuds]

[speaker feedback]

Oh, I'm gonna...

Still got a few more.

This is the greatest thing
I've ever seen.

Yeah, I agree, but I can
actually hear wallets closing.

Oh, Oz Triblioni is over there.
Looking pretty good.

Oz, I love how you matched
your cufflinks

to your ankle monitor.

'Cause Oz went to jail
for embezzlement.

Jail!

[speaker feedback]

Uh, anyone wanna know why
the... the fish blushed?

Um...

[crowd awes]

Who wants to meet the cutest
guy in the world?

And also a baby kangaroo.

[crowd laughs]

Okay, you're all laughing now.

This is who you're saving, everyone.

If you wanna pet him...
open up those checkbooks.

[crowd awing]

Hmm.
Key's a little sticky.

Oh, I'll try mine.

It's weird.

It's not working either.
You don't think...

What? No, he wouldn't.

[knocking]

[Patel] Parker?

Fellas, yo. I'm really
sorry about this.

It's just that, uh, changing
the locks is the only way

I can keep you from coming
back into the house.

This is my house now.
If that wasn't made clear.

Why? Parker, this is not
how a fan is supposed to act.

Yeah, dude. If you don't
come out, I'll...

I'll call the police, man.

[Parker] For sure.

It's just that, um,
I have a signed lease.

[mail slot squeaks]

When did you sign a lease?

What? No, I didn't
sign a lease.

Your signature is
on the lease!

I didn't give a sig-
I gave him my autograph.

He forged the lease, dude!

Parker, I'm just so
disappointed in you right now!

You're not wrong.

[Victoria] Oi!

Using the baby kangaroo.
Desperate move.

A desperate move that worked.

From Fiona.
Please stay after.

I don't wanna make
a big deal of my win.

Just grab your pants
and make a quiet exit.

[phone pings]

Ooh!

Look what I just got
from Fiona.

Please stay after.

I guess I won't be needing
my pants after all.

Do you think she's thinking...

What?

[chuckles]

See you on the ice, kid.

Threesome. No biggie.

It's just like doing
extra reps.

Naked.

With a coworker.

Do they have a bidet here?

Hey, I totally bombed.
Didn't I?

I blame myself.
I've lost my touch.

[groans]

Hi, Fiona.

Well, that was a disaster.

Yeah. I'm so sorry.

I don't know what made me
think I was funny.

Emily, I'm afraid we're still
10 grand short of our goal.

But it's okay.

We will try again
in a few months.

Right.

Wait, no. Um... Fiona.
I... I'm so sorry.

We can't wait a few months.
We need the annex now.

We have major
overcrowding issues.

We've got cats rooming
with dogs,

and snakes next to hamsters.

I mean, this thing
is a ticking time bomb.

I don't know what to say,
Emily.

I never thought you'd crap
the bed like that.

Yeah, I did.
I... I crapped the bed.

Hard.

I had a presentation,
and it was great.

I mean, it had stats
and it had heart,

and it would've killed,
and you would've loved it.

[phone pings]

And you know what? I am gonna
give you that speech right now.

And it is so gonna
blow your mind

that you are gonna give us
the 10,000 personally.

And how long is the speech?

Without slides, it comes in
at 35 minutes.

Put me down for the 10 grand.

[stammers] Are you sure?

Thank you, Fiona.
Thank you so much!

You won't regret this.

Oh, my God.

I still do really wanna give
my speech, though.

I'll gather up some
catering folks.

Okay, great.

[laughs]

[Patel] What is the matter
with me?

Why would anyone want
my autograph?!

Okay, buddy? Buddy?

You want my autograph?!

Buddy! It's a government
vehicle, okay?

We don't want people calling
that 800 line. Okay?

How are we gonna get rid
of this guy?

It's just a curve ball.
We'll figure it out.

That's what we said
about the black mold.

And when Bento fell through
the ceiling.

And when we got busted for not
getting that fireplace permit.

I told you we should've had
that fireplace permit.

No, you said we should
roll the dice.

That was you.

I got two mortgages.

Four kids!

An angry wife.

And I'm starting to think,
maybe she's right.

Maybe her husband is a dummy.

No.

He's a dreamer.

Okay?

We're gonna get through this.
I'll figure something out.

I really wish
I could believe you.

Yeah, me too.

I felt better with my head
out the window.

Do you mind?

Just close your mouth.

It's locust season.

[muffled scream]

Hello.

Hey.

I'm really glad
you both stayed.

- Us too.
- Yeah.

Oh. Thank you.

Thank you.

[chuckles]

[Fiona] Okay.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Cheers.

[glasses clink]

[chuckles]

Okay. You both just drank
$250 worth of wine.

Well, I still caught the notes
of cardamom.

Me too. I tasted
the cardigan as well.

I really like you both.

And when I saw you guys
together tonight, I just...

...felt like you two might
have a vibe.

[laughs]

What?

Yuck.

Yeah, I just thought it might
be interesting

to explore that.

Oh, I love exploration.

I was just reading this book
about the Northwest Passage.

Oh.

Your turn.

Totally.

Yeah.

[Frank clears throat]

Don't tell HR.

I won't if you won't.

Okay. [clears throat]

[Emily] Hello?

Has anyone seen my last easel
with the mange infographic?

Hey.

Wait, what are you guys
still doing here?

Um...

They were both just
helping me clean up.

Thank you, guys.
It's really nice of you.

Oh, here it is.

Just get it outta your way.

Whoa!

There goes that puppy.

Do you want a hand?

No. Don't help me.

Okay, I'll just... ow!
Just take it like this.

Bye, guys. Thank you.
It was such a good night.

Bye!

Where were we?

Well, uh...

I... think...

Did the boss lady
kill the vibe?

- Yeah.
- Kinda.

Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

'Cause... and now it...
'cause it's late.

I have a cat.

[exhales]

So.

That was weird.

It was crazy weird.

Yeah.

Can you imagine if we...

Right?

No.

Wow.

It's a good thing that
you chickened out.

- Me?
- Yeah.

You chickened out.

No, I... what?
I was leaning in.

You were not leaning in.
I was leaning in.

You had your eyes open
the whole time.

Yeah, 'cause
that's how I kiss.

Stop doing that.
It's so bizarre.

Okay. Whatever, chicken.

Whatever... you.

- Good one.
- Uh-huh.

That's a good comeback.

Yeah, well...

Alright. Good night.

Good night.

[awkward chuckle]

Hey, if you were so smart,
why did you leave your pants?

Shut up.

[Patel] Hello?

Hello? Is anybody here?

[keypad beeps]

[phone ringing]

Yo!

I don't know how
you did it

but Parker might actually
be gone.

[Shred] I told you
I'd handle it.

We can officially
sell the house.

Thank you.

Alright, I'm gonna hang up
and cry privately.

I'd chase off an army
of squatters for you, buddy.

Bye.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Is that for me?

I, uh...

Best roommate ever.

Uh...

You're welcome.

?

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