Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

OK, so there are going to be some specific things that I

need you to take care of.

So as you can see, the chairs are a little bit of a disarray,

so if you could go ahead and put those away.

Oh, that's our best.

Can I have some of my best?

Yes, that's good.

This one's a little crooked.

Bring it in a little bit more.

Oh, that's perfect.

That's perfect.

Yes, perfect.

OK, now I'm going to need you over here.

We're going to be actually-- you're

going to be in charge of the whole house, making sure it stays clean.

So I'm going to need all the pillows lined up.

I'm a little bit OCD, so I need every detail taken care of.

OK, no problem.

I will do it.

Yes, thank you.

And then after you get finished with this--

Yeah, that's great.

--if you could get in the kitchen--

Hey, mom.

Hi.

Who's this?

This is our new maid.

And this--

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, we have a new maid?

Yeah, I mean--

Yeah, I'm here.

It says maid.

Well, it actually says dirty, mom.

But she does look like a maid, that's for sure.

Well, that's because she's here to clean up the dirt.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

It's the same thing.

Come on, now.

I get it, I get it.

OK, so she's going to be in charge of all of this stuff.

So you can keep your room a little messy,

but I really want you to try and keep it cleaned up so that she

doesn't have to go in there too often.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

She's really here for me.

Yeah, I'm going to--

You know, to make my life easier.

So I mean, if you could just, again, make sure the kitchen is

clean.

Yeah, I know.

My bad.

I need all of this stuff to be cleaned up.

Yeah, of course.

I will clean all of your house.

OK, perfect.

You have a really big house.

Love it.

I hear an accent.

Where are you from?

I'm French.

Oh, you're French?

French maid.

Of course you are.

My stepmom here, she's obsessed with Europe,

specifically France.

Oh.

Yes.

I've been to Paris one time.

One time?

Yeah, only one time.

And it was absolutely stunning.

Yeah.

I love Paris.

You know, I live in Paris.

Stop it.

Yeah.

And Paris is in France, correct?

Of course.

It's a capital of France.

Yes, mom.

It's in France.

I mean, stop giving your mom such a hard time.

I was really good at coloring the maps.

I'm not necessarily good at telling you where is where.

So tell me more about Paris.

About Paris?

Yeah, I love my city.

It's a romantic city.

Oh, I love France.

Yeah, yeah, I love France.

So what did you do in Paris?

Tell me.

I honestly went to visit the Eiffel Tower.

Yeah.

Oh, I love Eiffel Tower.

Have you been in the restaurants in the Eiffel Tower?

No, I did not go up.

I was so scared.

Why?

It's so tall.

It was intimidating.

Yeah?

It was super intimidating.

Maybe next time we will go together.

Yes.

Yes, yeah.

That would be amazing.

Yeah, it would be amazing.

I went to Moulin Rouge.

Moulin Rouge?

Oh, yeah.

And French conco?

Yes.

Oh my god, it was so much fun.

Because you know, he said I do kind of have a thing for France

and French girls.

But that's beside the point.

I really do need you to clean the house, OK?

Oh, of course, man.

I need you to make--

I am here for that.

OK, I need to make sure that I am always happy.

I will make you happy, of course.

Not my boss.

And I will make you happy, too.

Well, I hope so.

Because you have to clean up my room.

Clean up his room.

And he has some crusty socks.

I mean, you--

Mom, you don't need to talk about that.

Don't say anything about that.

Don't leave your crusty socks laying around.

That's embarrassing.

She doesn't need to know about that.

Well, not the lemon.

It's OK.

I don't care about that.

Just throw them straight into the wash.

It's fine.

OK, I will do it.

I will do it.

OK, perfect.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Funch meant for you.

OK, perfect.

My love, we've talked about pillows.

Don't forget to clean all of the glass.

I cannot stand smudges on the glass, OK?

So just really wipe on, wipe off.

I will wipe the glass.

I don't want to see any streaks.

No streaks.

OK, and then you're going to take care of all the laundry.

Yeah.

Yes, can you show me how--

if you were to like--

would you fold?

Would you bend over to fold my laundry?

Where would you do it?

Like, here on the--

Yeah, I will do like that.

OK.

It's good like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's good.

I like the funch made.

I love it.

Oh, OK, perfect.

And then you've got the pillows all set up.

Yeah.

Wow, OK.

Good job, guys.

All set up.

They say everything from France is better,

but I didn't know my maid was going to be so good.

OK, I'm so excited to have you here.

I think you're going to do an amazing job.

I hope.

I will do my best.

Yeah, I think--

Yeah, tell me, what do you think?

I think if you just--

make sure you take care of my stepsons.

I'm going to take care of your stepsons, yeah?

As long as you're doing a good job in my room.

I know we have lots of room here, so--

All right, in your room, I will do a really good job.

I think if I can get rid of those rusty socks,

you'll be doing it right.

Mom, stop it.

You know, all the cleaning equipment

are in that corner over there.

Yes.

See, you know where the cleaning equipment is,

but you never clean up after yourself?

Mom, I-- what?

I mean--

You have to hire a maid just because you're so lazy.

I'm not lazy.

I just--

I mean, I think you're a little lazy.

Don't like certain things.

Well, I mean, it's kind of part of being a teenager.

You have to clean up your shit.

Mom, it's not that big a deal.

We're not that bad.

Look at the house.

It's just a little messy.

That's all.

A little messy is not OK.

I told you the next time you're going to be a little messy,

you're going to get grounded.

That's why we have a maid now.

So it's not going to get messy.

So I'm not going to be getting grounded for any reason.

That's the goal.

That is the goal.

And that's why we have her now.

Yeah, I'm here for you.

Yeah.

She's going to do an amazing job.

Don't worry.

I am the best French maid.

Yeah.

Look, I mean, already she is killing the game.

She's already fluffed all the pillows,

which I'm super thrilled about.

She, you know-- I showed her where the windex is.

So we're literally going to make sure everything is spotless.

I love spotless.

You love spotless.

I love everything in its place.

I love all my chairs put perfectly.

I love things to be really clean.

Really clean?

I mean, just yeah, really clean.

OK, madam.

Oh my gosh.

And I love your accent.

You are forever hired.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Thank you, madam.

I'm never letting you go.

Oh, I don't want to go.

You don't want to leave.

I want to stay here with you.

Mom, stop creeping on the maid.

I mean, she's fucking kind.

No, mom.

You can't be doing that.

You know you could get in trouble for that.

I think I can do it.

You can do everything you want.

Oh, see?

She is going to clean the house.

And I'm going to make sure she's clean and spotless

before she goes home.

That's just what's going to happen.

Mom.

You can't take my germs home with you.

Mom, stop saying stuff like that.

You can get in big trouble for it.

I mean, what am I supposed to do?

She's your employee.

I know.

I know.

But the house is a fucking mess.

It's not the 50s anymore, mom.

You can't say stuff like that.

I can't do whatever I want, honey.

When I am paying the bills, I do what I want.

No, mom.

It doesn't work like that.

It really doesn't.

You know, it's a new era.

What do you mean?

A new era.

It's a new era.

We cannot go back to the 50s where anybody could do whatever

they wanted to just because someone's from a different country.

You know, it doesn't work that way.

Well, I'd rather do the that for you.

And when she's a good maid--

All she's here to do is clean, mom.

She's not supposed to do anything else.

She can clean at the same time.

Some names look tight.

I'm not being uptight.

She's cleaning up what your dirty socks were.

She just happens to be from my favorite place ever.

She's been to Paris.

She's from Paris.

Oh my gosh.

We're getting a delivery.

Can you--

Ooh, yes.

Can you go take care of that?

Yeah, of course, madam.

OK, wonderful.

Just a little relax.

I am here for that.

Wonderful.

OK.

Yeah.

At least she's--

Mom, you can't be creeping on the help.

I'm sorry.

She's--

You really can't.

She's fucking gorgeous.

Yes, she's gorgeous, but you can't be doing that.

That's not right.

We're going to get in trouble for it.

And she's going to sue us.

I mean, she's not going to sue us.

Please relax.

You don't know.

It's a new day now.

Everybody's suing everybody for everything.

Well, exactly.

She can sue me all she wants to.

That doesn't mean she's going to win.

Yeah, but you can't be sexually harassing her or anything

like that.

Sexually harassing her?

I'm just saying.

I'm just showing her how to clean.

OK, I'm just saying.

I'm just reminding her about your dirty socks.

Like someone needs to clean them.

And I'm not trying to fucking clean them.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Oh, hey, mom.

What's that smell?

It smells so good.

Oh, my gosh.

Anisa made us this special blend and croissants.

Croissants?

Yes.

She made them?

She made them.

She's amazing.

I told you she was amazing.

Oh, my god, mom.

Like, they smell so good.

You have to try them.

Try them.

Is this a little piece?

Can I take this little piece?

This.

Taste it.

Isn't she amazing?

Oh, yeah.

This is great.

She made this from scratch.

Yes.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

I'm sorry.

What did you just say?

I said that you know how to make really good croissant

in America.

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, I love your croissant.

I think she did a great job.

Yeah, I think so.

Yes.

I mean, I don't think I've ever had a croissant as good as this.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's very good.

Thank you.

I mean, I love a meat that can actually cook and take care

of everyone that you have.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, my gosh.

You're amazing.

Thank you.

Do you like my coffee, too?

It's very delicious.

It's so yum.

And this is your own blend?

Oh, yeah.

My own.

It's delicious.

I'm not a big fan of coffee, so--

Mm-hmm.

I can't say, but I'm sure it's just as good as your--

Yeah, I will make you a good tea if she wants to.

If mom's like, no.

If mom's like, no, you know it's good.

I'm vouching for her, honey.

Well, if you say so, mom.

Yeah, it's good.

I promise.

I do smell a hint of vanilla.

It does.

It has a little hint of--

it's like a creme vanilla additive or something.

Like, I don't know.

She's the creme vanilla that she put in there.

Yeah.

There's some vanilla inside.

Is it French vanilla?

Yeah, French vanilla.

Of course.

Of course, it has to be French vanilla.

Don't ask silly questions like that.

Mom, you didn't even know where Paris was?

That's true.

[LAUGHS]

[GASPS]

Well, what's for lunch, mom?

These croissants.

She's cooking.

Yeah, I'm going to cook another dish.

If you're going to love it, it's a surprise.

Oh, really?

What are you going to cook?

Surprise.

Surprise?

Yeah, especially a French dish.

These croissants are so good.

Don't forget to taste my coffee.

Um, I'm not a big fan of coffee.

Wow.

You have things to get done today, so you might as well go get

some coffee so that you can get your date going.

Because she's going to have to go to the grocery store very soon.

Oh, yeah.

I have to go to the kitchen.

So maybe she can pick you up something.

What do you want?

Like, an energy drink?

Well, if she's going, I guess I could do it with some fruits

or something.

I mean, OK.

Because I'm trying to be healthy, mom.

I know.

You're always on your little diet.

I think you're very handsome, though.

You're going to find a beautiful woman one day.

Mom, you don't need to talk about that right now.

I mean, you know I'm always trying to have.

You marry someone, a nice French girl, maybe.

I think she should live here with us.

Oh, yeah?

Mom, are you talking about-- Anisa, live here with us?

Yeah, why not?

It's better than staying where you're at.

Oh, yeah.

You're in some tiny little place.

Oh, thank you, madam.

I mean--

That would be great, mom.

I mean, she's working for us full-time anyway.

So long as you stop creeping on her, she's--

I'm not creeping on her.

She makes amazing croissants.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm just having a little snack.

What's wrong with that?

Yeah, thank you, madam.

I'm going to think about your fellow.

Yes.

It's going to be nice, right?

But, mom, I don't think she can stay here anyway,

because she's French.

And she can only stay here for a short period of time.

I don't know.

Maybe we'll write the embassy or something.

Yeah, I'm just saying.

She's allowed to stay.

If she's working, she can get a working permit.

Yeah, but I don't think that's how it works, mom.

It's not a work permit for a maid.

I think you have to work for a corporation or marry someone.

She can marry you.

Mom?

I mean, come on.

I've been saying, if you want you to get married,

she's French.

She's gorgeous.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

For you, but I don't think I'm ready for marriage yet, mom.

I mean, come on, son.

You cannot live in my upstairs room forever.

You really need to find your own place and your own wife.

She makes excellent coffee.

Yeah, mom.

Oh, yeah, you don't like coffee.

Mom, I don't think I'm ready for marriage right now.

I mean, it's not for you.

It's for Anissa, so that she doesn't have to go back.

And she can stay here with me.

I mean, us.

Mom, even still, it's just like, I don't know.

It's kind of weird.

It's not weird, honey.

Oh, this is where my head went up close.

So I have to go.

So what do you need?

Milk, moccasins.

Moccasins.

OK, and I'm going to cook it with you.

Yeah, make sure you get the right, the same stuff

you bake these with.

OK, OK.

OK, love.

See you, babe.

Mom, why are you offering me up?

Like, I'm a piece of meat.

I'm not a piece of meat.

I mean, I need her to stay here with me.

I mean, mom, you're crazy.

You're too much of a creeper.

No, I'm not a creep.

Oh, yes, you are definitely a creeper.

No, I'm not.

Such a creeper.

Son, you're crazy.

I need her here.

I need her here to take care of me.

And you, us.

More me.

All right.

.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey.

Hi.

Mom, I was thinking about ordering some cheeseburgers

for dinner, and I thought I'd ask you guys if you guys wanted

some.

She's making a beef bologna.

It's a beef bologna.

Almost.

Beef bologna, mom.

Come on.

Beef bologna.

Get it, bring it.

Oh, young gunk.

I'll never get it in my life.

I'll never get it in my life.

You like your cheeseburger?

Oh, what?

No.

No, it's always beef with a red wine.

Oh.

Yeah.

We took a lot of dishes with the red wine.

OK.

Well, do you think my son will like it?

I'm sure that he's going to like it.

And he's going to like it, too.

I mean, I hope I like it.

I'm hoping for your--

I know.

I'm not saying they're going to like it, but I know.

Mom, stop talking about the money.

Don't be rude.

She knows that she knows.

I'm not taking care of.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, she's gotten the floors clean.

Yeah, the dishes are clean.

The laundry is getting done.

Almost done.

I mean--

Five minutes.

Five minutes?

Yeah.

That's a little longer than I expected.

So when are you going to start cooking?

Just after that.

How long does it take to make?

Because I--

Yeah, it's going to be longer.

I think 12 hours.

I mean, my son is hungry.

You're hungry?

I'm hungry, but, Mom, I think Hanisa's done with French food.

She's been cooking for French food all week.

Yes.

Maybe give her a little break.

No.

No.

Don't tell him to get in the way.

I want French food.

All the French food?

Yeah.

We have-- I need at least two weeks with the French food,

because I need to know what all you're capable of.

Maybe two hour of cooking above bulgur new.

OK.

OK, yeah.

So we can do burger snite, Mom.

[INAUDIBLE]

I'm so proud of you.

You're the most amazing maid.

I swear for you.

You do even more than maid stuff.

Yeah, because I'm using the croissants.

And the croissants were good too.

It was so good.

Yeah.

Hanisa, you know, Mom never told me, what did you do before

in France?

I was a student.

You were a student in Taiwan?

Really?

For five years.

Five years?

I'm a student in management.

Oh, management.

Something to explain.

Yeah.

I was growing little bits.

Yeah.

Yeah.

OK, I don't like boring.

Well, you know, I study psychology in college right now.

So--

I'm a person.

Mom?

I'm just kidding, honey.

Tell her your story.

Yeah, tell her your story.

Psychology, it's great.

I mean, it really teaches you about yourself and about--

Yeah, I'm sure it's really great.

I mean, I'm paying a lot for school.

So it might be like--

That's free, you know?

What?

It's free.

It's free.

All schooling's free in France?

Almost.

Almost.

It's not expensive back here.

Oh my goodness.

OK, I think we're doing something wrong because I'm

going to have to send him to school in France.

Yeah.

I don't think it works like that, Mom.

It does.

It doesn't.

You can't just send me over there and say,

I'll be free schooling.

I have to be a citizen or something.

If I could make her stay here--

It doesn't really work that way, Mom.

Where do you get your facts from?

I mean, I do whatever I want.

Come on, just let Mom know that.

I feel like my mom gets her facts

from a different dimension.

I'm serious.

They all come from here, son.

Yeah, Mom.

I've been around a long time.

I know what the hell I'm talking about.

Where is Paris again?

That's her.

Like, I don't know.

I just get on the flight, and they take me there.

How are you supposed to know what the fuck they--

I don't know.

I don't know.

Yeah, I'll go to Paris, France.

Yeah, it's in France.

All right.

Yeah, and you promised me that American croissants are better?

Much better.

I will never lie to you.

You're on my bus.

You better not ever lie to me.

Of course.

I will never lie to you.

OK, OK.

Yeah, and that special blend of coffee.

Oh, it's so delicious.

So fucking delicious.

Anisa, have you been to any other countries?

Yeah, I've been to Spain.

I used to live in Spain for three years.

It was really nice.

I mean, I don't want you to go back to Spain.

Can I hire you full time?

Oh, I would love that.

I need you to stay right here.

Yeah.

And you've been taking care of the house so good.

I tried.

And this beef, [INAUDIBLE]

[INAUDIBLE]

I'll learn how to say it.

I promise.

[INAUDIBLE]

But you say it's so much better than I do.

[INAUDIBLE]

[INAUDIBLE]

OK, [INAUDIBLE]

Yes, I will taste every--

Yeah, but I would love to eat an American burger.

I love American burgers.

Cheese or no cheese?

With cheese.

I love cheese.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, I love cheese.

Mom, why are you being so cheesy?

I mean, come on, son.

Enough of that.

Onion rings are french fries.

Mom, will you stop making fun of her?

I'm not making fun of her.

I mean, she just went to Spain.

She's more sophisticated than the two of us.

We've never been anywhere other than Paris, which is in France.

Oh, yeah.

Don't make fun of me.

So tell me more about Spain.

About Spain, night was nicer like the weather in Spain.

And life is a bit ship, you know.

Is it a hot or cold there?

It's cold.

No, it's not cold.

It's really hot, yeah.

It's like you're in L.A. a little bit.

I'm curious about the food.

About the food, I don't really like the food in Spain.

Really?

No, yeah.

They're too much fat.

They put too much fat.

Oh, no.

Not too much fat.

Night was not so good.

Just like crayola, of course.

How about steaks?

Are their steaks great?

Or--

No.

Because I always assume they have good meat over there.

No, they don't have good meat.

Honestly.

Really?

No, I don't know why.

So do you think meat is better in France?

Oh, meat is better in the US.

I love the meat in the US.

I just think we're getting meat out here.

The meat, I like filet mignon.

Of course you do.

Now you strike me as a very--

Filet mignon, you girl.

Yes, yes.

Mom also likes a good meat.

Yeah, I like a good meat.

I like good meat.

I'm a meat and potato girl, yes.

Oh, yes, good for steak and french fries.

Good.

Mom and I have always planned to go some place far, far away.

So when?

Somewhere in Europe.

Maybe this time, not France, mom.

Mom and you got to stop making--

I said it once.

It's fine.

I know now.

Maybe Germany.

I think Germany--

Have you been to Germany?

Germany is close to France.

Yeah, I've been once.

What did you do there?

What did you do there?

Oh, it was for a convention.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it was a convention in Germany in Berlin.

Was it a management convention?

I don't know if things have convention.

Oh, do they Berlin again?

Berlin, Berlin, yeah.

Berlin, like--

Berlin, yeah.

Berlin.

I have a good friend of mine who's from Germany.

I don't know.

Actually, it's from Hamburg.

[INAUDIBLE]

Hamburg.

You're not from Germany?

No.

Hamburg does come from Hamburg.

Can I have cheese there?

I'm sure Germany has cheese.

Mom, mom, the cheese.

As long as I have cheese, I'm good.

Well, one of these days, we're going to make a trip out

to Europe.

Oh, yeah.

I think I will be in Europe.

I'm going to stay here with you.

Yeah?

It's OK?

I mean, if you prefer here?

Oh, yeah, I prefer here.

Why is that, though?

You don't like Europe?

I like Europe, but here people are nicer.

Really?

Yeah, in Paris, people are really rude.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I don't like French people.

I'm surprised.

They are surprised.

They are so sweet, though.

I know, but they are mean to me.

That's interesting.

That's not what I'm saying.

A friend of mine told me the same thing,

that he had a hard time in France.

In France, yeah.

Oh, that's interesting.

It's good for the food, but not for the people.

Oh, yeah.

I've always heard that if you go to third world countries,

people treat you a lot better than the Western countries.

Yeah.

I think so.

Oh.

I don't know.

But mom, unfortunately, has a thing for Europe,

so you're probably going to end up going there.

Go to Budapest.

Go to Budapest.

It's a nice city, too.

I've been many times in Budapest.

Oh, I've heard the women in Budapest are gorgeous.

I was sure that you're going to say that.

Yeah, they're gorgeous.

Is that true?

Yeah, it's true.

Not like French girls, but--

French girls have the accent.

Yeah.

Your accent is amazing.

I could listen to you talk all day.

All day.

I love the back American accent.

I got that from my mom, though.

I think she has the same thing.

She really likes the French accent.

Yeah, I can't help it.

It's an exotic value.

But for me, American accent, it's pretty exotic.

I don't need hugs.

Really?

Yeah.

I feel like you don't have an accent.

I think--

You have a half-cultured accent.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

I don't know.

To me, the French accent is just sex.

It's pure sex.

It's really strange how wonderful it sounds.

There aren't any other languages that I quite like it.

And you're going to have to teach me more French.

More French?

OK, I can teach you.

So what do you want to know?

I want to know how do you say hello?

Bonjour.

Bonjour.

Bonjour.

Yeah.

And then hello, how's your day?

Bonjour.

Comment ça va?

Bonjour.

Comment ça va?

Yeah.

Comment ça va?

Comment ça va?

Comment ça va?

It's more how are you?

But yeah.

Yeah.

That sounds a little naughty.

Yeah, you think so?

Yeah, I'm going to mix it all up, though.

Come on, stop being dirty.

Stop.

I mean--

Stop giving me a hard time.

Stop.

I'm just having fun.

Just finding out how to learn how to speak French.

Yeah.

I'm going to have to learn how to use my language.

My mom's a little dirty.

Whatever.

She's our maid.

She's here to clean me up.

Yeah, exactly.

Mom again with the double entendres.

You know what, I told you that I'm smart.

You just need to listen to me more.

Yeah.

I mean, I did hire her.

She's French.

I thought you hired her so you'd

have more time to focus on your real estate business.

I mean, that's exactly correct.

It's not because she's French.

It's not at all because she's French.

It's not because you're French.

Mm-mm, mm-mm.

That's a big of a fuss.

Mom's excuse about not selling any homes this past year

was because she was taking care of me.

So she got you to kind of be my babysitter,

even though I'm in college.

But she feels like I need to have someone here to take care of me.

You're a baby, too.

I mean, like I said, he has a lot of dirty socks laying around.

So I need--

I saw my soul.

You weren't supposed to be doing my laundry yet.

Wow.

If you would put it away, you wouldn't have any problems,

because you wouldn't have seen it.

Exactly.

Well, Mom, you shouldn't be going into my room.

I'm always going to go into your room.

I'm your mom.

Again, with no privacy.

No privacy, whatever.

You're making me want to move out, Mom.

I bet you were going to find a reason to keep you here.

She's going to make beef boliha.

Yeah.

And if she's making the food, then maybe you'll want to stay more.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like I'm stuck here anyway, Mom.

Yeah, you're stuck here forever.

You know I don't want to end my baby boy's door anywhere.

Mm-hmm.

You're such a good son.

Yeah.

And she's an amazing cook.

Well, that's for sure, Mom.

Because she actually knows how to cook.

Don't talk shit.

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

No, but he's being so naughty.

I am an amazing cook.

He just doesn't appreciate me at all.

Yeah, if you like eggs.

I could make more than just eggs.

Relax.

Mom, please, don't embarrass yourself.

Egg, bacon, toast, waffles.

Oh, yeah.

Serial, too.

She's very good with cereal.

Very, very good with cereal.

I can make you a granola parfait.

Ooh, I love that.

Yeah.

Well, the parfait comes from the store, and the granola gets put on top.

So, yeah, she can definitely do it.

I didn't make the yogurt, and I didn't make the granola, but I still put it all together.

Yeah, I did that.

And that's what moms do.

We make sure everything gets put together.

Yeah.

Really good for our sons.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

We don't want them to ever leave.

Yeah.

You're the best maid.

Thank you.

Did you have any jobs, actual jobs in France, or were you just going to school?

Just, yeah, I went to school.

How long did you stay in school?

It was like four, five years, you know.

So, it was free.

Yeah.

Yeah, so to be a maid, it's my first job.

Okay, well, you're working out very well.

I will give you a good, for your resume, like a good sign up on your resume.

I'm so sure.

I want to make sure that you are pleasant and tired.

Although mom doesn't sell very many homes, she does make a lot of friends with the buyers.

I do.

And I do sell a lot of homes, but don't.

Mom, how many did you sell this year?

10, but it was the cost of them that makes it worth it.

It has nothing to do with how many.

It's everything to do with the price.

Being till 10 million and up, you know, I'm going to make a ton of money.

Right?

It's not about the quantity.

It's about the quality.

Yes.

Yeah.

So, how did you learn English so well?

Oh, so well, mama.

I'm broken English, but thanks.

No, you're doing very good English.

I'm from Schoenture, Atlanta School, of course.

And I like to watch my favorite TV show, English, with English titles, you know.

It's better to learn English.

Yeah.

Oh, that is so interesting.

I've tried to learn Spanish like that because being from Texas.

Of course, there's so many people who speak Spanish there, but I can't learn from the

show.

Yeah, so you don't speak Spanish at all?

Piquito.

Piquito?

Look at you.

You know how to speak Spanish?

No, just your wealth.

Oh, my God.

I was like, "Oh, this film is everything."

Yes, so you're from Texas.

I am.

Wow.

You're from Cuba and everything.

You live in the ranch?

No.

I am not like ... It's how it's actual city stuff.

International how to ride a horse.

I have ridden an egg horse or two.

Yes, definitely.

So, I mean, I guess I could say I'm kind of a cowgirl.

Yes.

But at the same time, you know ... So, you have a hat like that?

I do.

I have to show you later.

They're up in the closet.

Oh, yes.

Maybe we can try them on you.

Oh, yes.

I would love that.

Yes.

Mom, she's not even your little doll.

What do you ... I can dress her up if I want to.

Yes.

Mom's like maybe been on a horse once in her life.

Once is all that matters.

Yes, that means I'm fucking ... Oh, yes.

I'm a good cowboy mom.

Yes.

So good.

Hey, y'all.

Oh my goodness.

Yes, everyone thinks that Dallas is important.

I know.

They're just cowboys and horses.

Yes, but it's not true.

It's not the truth.

They were tied to the rules.

It's not the truth at all.

Of course.

Come on.

Okay, so you grew up in Texas.

Yes.

And you moved to LA.

I like LA so much better.

Yes, there are so much cooler people.

And it's like a melting pot.

There's all kinds of things to eat.

Exactly.

Yes.

I love it.

Mom does not tell you everything.

She was a wild child.

I mean I was kind of a wild child.

But I mean I've grown now, so it's okay.

Would you ever believe that mom was a stripper?

No.

Really?

Don't tell me that.

Mom, it's not my fault.

My dad was a stripper too.

Your dad was a stripper too?

It's so crazy.

Her dad was a stripper.

Yes.

My grandpa.

My grandpa.

Yes, grandpa.

My grandpa was a stripper.

Do you believe that shit?

That's not wrong with you, babe.

It's not bad in the US, no?

No, it's not bad.

No.

Mom, I really don't like it when you put me down.

It's not good, mom.

No, I love you, son.

I think in the US we have more open minds.

Yes.

Although in Europe it's a little more open, because the body is in everything.

Your think so?

No, it's not sure.

In the US we have more open minds.

Oh, yeah.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

And the other thing that mom forgets to mention to everyone, she used to be -- she used to

really love -- love musicians and movie stars and she's got all types of stories.

No.

I'm a star fucker.

What can I say?

Mom.

No.

No.

What?

That's what they call it.

You know?

You like fuck stars.

Famous guys.

Yeah.

That's a little too much information for Lisa.

I'm just saying you were dating her.

She likes it.

She likes the tea.

Yeah.

That's kind of reason why she moved to LA, you know?

Yeah, I moved to LA.

I believe my American dream.

Well, it's sort of mom, but her American dream was a little different than yours, I think.

I just like rock stars.

I mean, they can't help it.

They're so hot.

That's what we're hired to begin with, to be actors and rock stars, right?

Right.

Well, mom has lots of stories about that.

I love the stories.

She likes to tell them at parties and shit that we have at the house.

Yeah.

I can't stop it when I drink and I like to share all my favorite stories.

Well, I don't think it's the drinking mom.

I think mom just likes to share her stories.

Yeah.

I'm a bragger.

What can I say?

You should be proud of your mom.

Yeah.

I am proud of my mom.

Yeah.

I mean, mom did all of this.

You know, the house that we live in.

Yes, I did.

All by herself.

Dad wasn't around.

Yeah.

Mom takes good care of you.

Yeah.

Mommy takes the best care of you.

Although I got this made for me, I must say.

You did?

I made for both of us.

Yes.

No, she's for you.

She's for me.

Well, she's going to be part of the family, mom.

She is going to be part of the family.

We're just going to move you in.

We'll take care of you and you'll take care of us.

She's always done such a good job already.

We've only had her for a couple of weeks.

What do you think?

Do you think she's, can she say?

Do you think she's good?

Well, mom, you're the boss.

You're the one who's paying her.

But I am the one who's paying her.

But, and I know that you're going to do it.

But you do kind of want her to stay.

I mean, your room is always a fucking mess, so any call back.

Yeah, that's the reason, mom.

Sure.

It's your fault.

I like my house nice and clean.

And I can't do it all by myself.

So, you know, just tire someone to take care of it.

Look at that.

See?

I mean, she can clean up things really fucking nice.

You know, if Anissa's going to stay with us, maybe we should entertain her a little bit.

Okay, what do you mean?

Like take her some places in Los Angeles?

Yeah, maybe, maybe some good restaurants, some amusement parks.

I have some perfect places.

You do?

Yeah, I love that.

Okay, okay, I know a couple that we can take you to.

I think you'll have a great time.

Yeah, I've been in an amusement park in Paris, the one with the mouse.

Oh, yes, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.

We have this here.

They have one of those in Paris?

Yeah, of course.

It was the first park like that, and Paris is so nice.

Stop it!

I didn't know that.

I thought the US was the only place that they had those things.

No.

That's why you have random facts, why don't you look up your shit?

Well, I've never talked about that one.

My favorite place to go is the ones where it's like the water parks.

Where the parks?

Oh, I love that.

There's one in a city called Saint Dimas.

It's amazing.

Every summer I go there.

Mom sometimes goes, but she feels like it's a little ghetto.

Don't tell people I stop that.

Mom's a little bougie if you can't tell.

It's okay.

It's okay.

She does say her men need to have a black card.

What does that mean?

It's a little bougie.

I like to hear it go, "Tee-tink, tee-tink!" as it falls to the floor and to my pocket.

Mom.

That's his, "I have money, money, money!"

Mom's a crazy lady.

Then they can pay for their music parts.

It's the best way to do it.

And then you wonder where Dad went.

Don't talk to me about that man.

You know better than not.

Well, Mom, he was a musician after all.

What?

What?

What?

I don't know what you were talking about.

We do not talk about that man in this house.

Mom has a thing.

You're the man of the house, baby.

You're my boy.

I don't need any other man than that.

My son has grown up to be the most amazing man.

I'm so proud of you.

Thank you, Mom.

Yeah, that was a good one.

Maybe instead of having burgers tonight we can try out the new steak restaurant on the

street.

Since you both are meat addicts, it sounds like.

Yes, meat and potatoes.

Again, that's my Texas thing.

Meat and potatoes.

Yes.

Oh, maybe we can have some French bread with it.

Here we go.

Mom, it's an American restaurant.

I'm not sure they have French bread.

A French baguette.

How do you know this restaurant has that?

I mean, it just, maybe.

Why not?

They have fancy places don't have, yeah, they fancy places don't have like regular rolls.

They have, they have bread that it's not like, bread, it's not like that.

But no, they, they have baguettes.

They do have baguettes.

Baguettes.

But not all restaurants have baguettes.

Sure they do.

Mm-hmm.

croissants. Mom is stuck on your croissants. You can't get enough of them. Yeah. Mom? What do you think if we take Anissa to dancing afterwards, maybe a little club. Look at her body. She's very fit. I think. She'd love it.

- I'm good, but I don't know how to dance.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, I used to be a dancer, other than a stripper.

I mean, don't listen to my son.

I used to actually do tap, ballet, jazz.

- Wow, oh my gosh.

- So all of that kind of stuff.

So I'm actually formally trained in that.

- Yeah.

- So we could have a good night at the dance club.

- Oh, yeah.

- I can teach you some things there.

- Yeah, I know how to dance, belly dance.

- Belly dance? - Yeah.

- Can you teach me that? - Yeah.

- Okay, 'cause I don't know how to belly dance.

- No.

I only know that dance.

- Do you have something to wear?

- I mean, a dress?

- Yeah, something 'cause it's a very kind of, it's fancy.

- Fancy, oh, I don't have fancy dress.

- You don't have a dress?

- No, I only have cheap dress.

- Okay, well, cheap or not, I'm sure you look amazing at it,

but I will take you into my closet.

- Yeah.

- We do not have time to go shopping,

but have some really cute, silky things you can wear.

- Oh, thank you. - And like you could do

a spaghetti strap or-- - Yeah, I like a sparkling dress.

- Yes. - Do you have this?

- I have, oh, I have so many sequin dresses.

You will absolutely love them.

They will look fucking amazing on there.

- No, I did.

I can try your dress. - Yes.

And then I choose. - I don't have,

yeah, because I don't have hair.

- Okay, I have shoes you can totally wear as well.

- So my size is six.

- Stop it. - Thank you.

- I am a six also. - Oh, cool.

Oh my God, it was meant to be.

Okay, you are just the best maid ever.

We are literally becoming best friends.

- I'm sure you are. - I fucking love every second of that.

- Yeah, I love doing my best twins.

- You can fit in my clothes.

You can fit in my shoes. - Yeah.

- And I can use my black card to spoil you.

- Ooh, yeah. - It sounds like the best time ever.

- Yeah.

- Yes, so I hope you're ready,

'cause we're gonna take you out,

and we're gonna have the best time ever.

We'll take you upstairs.

We'll all get you all dressed, and all sexy.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah?

- Oh, yeah. - And then we'll go have

some steak and potatoes. - It looks like a beautiful--

- I fucking love it. - I'm looking forward to it.

- Okay, it's gonna be the best time ever.

- I'm sure.

- Steak and potatoes are delicious.

My friends are gonna look amazing on you.

- Yeah, I know. - Something weird.

- Okay, so...

I have to do my makeup and...

Yeah, when do I want to leave the house?

- I assume, but I'm gonna need you to clean something up

really quick. - Yeah?

- Yeah, if you could take care of this really quick.

- Yeah, okay. - I've made it just a big mess.

All over the bed. - It's so nice.

- Yeah, I see. - All over the bed.

- I see, it's a big mess.

- So when do you want to leave the house?

- Um, maybe 20, 30 minutes? - Okay.

- So. - Perfect.

- Uh-huh, it's gonna be perfect for me.

- Wonderful, you all have just enough time to get ready.

- Mm-hmm.

(sighing)

(groaning)

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(sighs)

(groans)

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( Drugounced as an zona sample of tons of gotym rendered )

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