Original subtitles

I can't believe I have to read news about myself...

And now, News Headline!

Rumors are circulating that the lovely swords woman A sun a (age 17), SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

The vice commander of the Knights of the Blood Oath, SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

AKA "Lightning Flash,"” has gotten married. SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER?!

Her rumored marriage partner is the dual-wielding Kirito, SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

Who recently joined the Knights of the Blood Oath. SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER?!

According to insiders, both have taken a temporary SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

leave of absence from the guild and have not been heard from since. SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER?!

Fans of the wildly popular A sun a cannot hide their concern SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

Over the rumors of her marriage. SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

In addition, unverified reports have come in that they already have a child, SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

And should they prove true, it will send shock waves throughout Aincrad. SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER™?!

SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER?!

This has been News Headlines. SUDDEN MARRIAGE FOR K.O.T.B.O. VICE COMMANDER?!

This has been News Headlines.

SWORD ART OFFLINE (tacitly) Approved by Reki Kawahara

Hello, everyone. It's now time for Sword Art Offline.

I'm your host, A sun a.

And I'm your commentator, Kirito.

This is an info-variety show that will bring you news

on everything that's happening in Aincrad.

We'll be bringing you big-name guests every episode, so please look forward to them.

Rumors sure spread quickly, don't they, Kirito?

I can't believe they're saying that we have a kid...

If they thought about it, they'd figure out that

there's no system for making babies in this game.

But there's an "Ethics Code: Off" setting that isn't in the manual,

s0 maybe there's a way to make babies.

Still, that would be a bit--

No, knowing Kayaba,

I wouldn't be surprised if he snuck in a childbirth system.

Say, Kirito...

If there were a childbirth system, how many kids would you want?

I'd want to have lots of your babies!

Wouldn't it be fun for us all to party up and raid together?

You want that many?

Would we be able to look after them all?

We can do it!

They're our kids, after all! They'll turn out great!

If they took after you, they'd be total tomboys.

I'm not that bad a tomboy! I'm ladylike!

A lady doesn't draw her sword all the time.

Kirito, you're so mean!

Kirito, I hope we get to have a talk like this in the real world.

Me, too.

Excuse me? Could we drop the lovey-dovey stuff and get on with the show, please?

S-Sorry about that! Without further ado, let's get Sword Art Offline started!

SWORD ART OFFLINE (tacitly) Approved by Reki Kawahara

Trivia Master: Heath cliff

Trivia Masten: Heath cliff Since Yui is today's guest, I shall be your trivia provider in her stead.

Trivia Master: Heath cliff

Trivia Master: Heath cliff On the topic of the Aincrad Liberation Army,

Trivia Master: Heath cliff they are the largest guild in Aincrad.

Trivia Master: Heath cliff

Trivia Master: Heath cliff While suppressing criminal activity in the field and maintaining law and order,

Trivia Masten: Heath cliff they are also notorious for "grief ing," such as camping mob spawns.

Trivia Master: Heath cliff For good or ill, it cannot be doubted that they are an influential guild.

Trivia Master: Heath cliff

Trivia Master: Heath cliff This has been Sword Art Trivia.

PLAYBACK CORNER

In this segment, we select various scenes from episodes

included on the Blu-ray and DVD and comment on them along with our guest.

And without further ado, let's introduce today's guest!

Here she is! Come on out!

Mysterious Girl: Yui Daddy! Mommy!

Mysterious Girl: Yui Yui! Welcome to the show!

Mysterious Girl: Yui Yui! I'm glad you could make it!

Yui! I'm glad you could make it!

Yui is a little girl we encountered on floor 22.

She has no memory and doesn't even remember her parents,

so she calls us Daddy and Mommy.

I have Daddy and Mommy, so I don't feel lonely.

You don't, huh? You're such a big girl, Yui.

And now, let's begin the playback!

First up is this scene.

Hey, say something... You lagging?

H-Hello, my name is K-Klein!

I'm 24, single, and looking for a girlfriend--

Does this man like Mommy?

I'd say it's more a case of him liking anything that's female.

So... He would like me, too?

If he made a move on you, I'd knock him on his ass.

Kirito, you're such a kidder!

Okay, next up is this scene!

Daddy, you're so cool!

Pretty awesome, huh? That's my finishing move.

It's a high-level, dual-blade style where you use both swords

to nail your opponent with a 16-hit combo!

It's called the "Starburst Stream."”

Using that will make quick work of most monsters.

But I know one opponent you can't beat, Daddy.

Was there somebody like that?

Yep! This person!

You dummy!

Yeah, I'm no match against this...

Hey! What do you mean by "this"?

I meant--

Huh? Why are you naked here, Mommy?

H-Hang on, Yui! Let's move on to the next clip, shall we?!

Hey! Carry me on your shoulders!

C-Carry you?

It's no fun always seeing things from the same height...

With your STR parameter, it should be easy, right?

Oh, I know this one! It's called a "pair of love turds," isn't it?

Yui!

Where did you learn that word?!

Well, um, I learned it from that man with the scruffy beard

and cloth around his head who was in that other clip.

Klein...

We'll have to teach him some manners after this is over.

Daddy? Mommy? What's wrong?

Nothing. It's nothing you need to worry about, Yui.

This has been Playback Corner!

SWORD ART OFFLINE (tacitly) Approved by Reki Kawahara

Trivia Master: Heath cliff

Trivia Master: Heath cliff In Sword Art Online, even if one loses a body part by having an arm or leg cut off,

Trivia Master: Heath cliff will automatically regenerate in a matter of minutes.

Trivia Master: Heath cliff

Trivia Master: Heath cliff Kirito, such reckless behavior would cost you your life

Trivia Master: Heath cliff in the real world, so do try to be careful, won't you??

Trivia Master: Heath cliff

Trivia Master: Heath cliff This has been Sword Art Trivia.

KLEIN'S LIFE-COACHING CORNER

In this segment, Klein will solve the problems of various people

who live in the world of Sword Art Online.

But for today only, it will be Yui's Question Corner!

The setup's different, but I'll answer all the questions for sure this time!

Don't put any weird ideas into Yui's head.

Hello, Uncle Klein!

Hi there, Yui!

Ask me anything you want today!

Also, I'm a big brother, not an uncle. Okay?

Okay, Big Brother Klein!

That's the face of a "big brother"?

Bite me! Keep quiet, married guy.

So, Yui, what would you like to ask?

Earlier, Mommy said that she wants to have lots of babies.

How are babies made?

Oh, crap... I can't believe she decided to ask that question.

A sun a, how do you want to handle this?

Me?!

Um, Yui... To make a baby, you first have to find a setting labeled "Ethics Code: Off"

deep down in the Options Menu, and then...

Stop! Stop! What are you trying to teach her, A sun a?!

S-Sorry!

Look, Yui. Here's how babies are made.

When you get married, it triggers an event where a stork brings a baby.

Where does the stork get the babies?

From a cabbage patch!

Babies pop out of cabbage!

Then... Am I also a cabbage baby who came out of a cabbage?

No, um... That is, you...

Kirito, I think we might be better off starting from disabling off the Ethics Code.

A sun a, would you please drop the Ethics Code thing?!

No, we're all cabbage people.

That works.

And that's your answer, Yui.

Okay! I understand now!

Is there anything else you want to ask?

Um, earlier, when I went into the forest with Mommy, we found a strange pond!

Big Brother Klein, have you seen one before?

A strange pond? Strange how?

Well, it was warm and all bubbly.

Oh, it must have been a hot spring.

I even took a picture! See?

That was a close call...

- That was-- - Don't look!

That was the Question Corner! Now take that off the monitor!

SWORD ART OFFLINE (tacitly) Approved by Reki Kawahara

The time has come to say goodbye.

Yui, how did you enjoy your appearance here today?

It was fun, having Daddy and Mommy play with me.

Can I come again?

Sure, stop by anytime.

See you later, Big Brother Klein!

Later, Yui. The next time we see each other,

I'd love it if you grew up to be Asuna's size.

I'll try real hard to make my boobs bigger!

No! Not that size!

Klein? I'll thank you to not teach our Yui weird things.

No! She misunderstood me!

Also... If you ever lay a hand on Yui, you'll pay.

Look, that's not the kind of size I was talking about!

Let's meet again in the next Sword Art Online video!

"Dial down the flirting"

"Dial down the flirting" Bye-bye!

Sword Art Offline was brought to you by the Knights of the Blood Oath,

the mightiest of guilds, composed of handpicked power players,

aiming to beat floor 100 before anyone else!