Original subtitles

This can't happen to you

if you reinforce your doors and windows with deadbolts.

The pick. Locks, the pick.

Maximum security for your home.

Cut! Good very good. Magnificent.

Let's repeat the final sentence.

But you have to give more emphasis to the thing, aunt.

Like more conviction.

Hey, but this commercial is not for the Spanish television.

Shit!

But where are you going now?

Let me go! I'm thirsty.

Get fucked by a fish.

Hola.

Hello, Titi.

Look what suggestive outfits I have.

Two other deaths from the cursed oil.

That is not cursed, that is rapeseed.

And do you know how many are gone?

Two young men.

One was 18 and another 20 years old, the victims that died

of the disease produced by the ingestion of denatured rapeseed oil.

The biggest mortality of women affected by this disease

could be due to hormonal factors, since approximately

1/2 of the dead women were in their fertile period.

According to the conclusions of a study conducted

by a research team from the General Directorate of Public Health.

If I take four you'll give me a discount?

According to other sources, the consequences derived from the disease are unknown so far

to those affected that managed to survive

Another concern of the researchers are the possible organic disorders

of those affected by ingestion of denatured rapeseed oil

that without apparent reason, can undergo mutations in their body

at a certain time and without possible control

because the biochemistry inside humans can been altered .

And what are you going to do with your husband? It's annoying.

Why haven't you dropped him off at the hospital? - He's harmless.

After the accident, he has lost all his aggressiveness,

in addition to losing his memory the blow has left him half dumb.

Wondering around here he won't let us work in peace.

He remembers only that he lost his memory and he needs me.

Totally.

Before the accident he had a whole harem.

His main distraction was lovers.

But it is curious, with the loss of memory, he has changed his habits.

He has become a moralist.

He runs away from women.

Maybe he's fed up and his taste has changed.

I don't care anymore.

He can do whatever he wants.

It goes for you too.

Exactly.

I put into practice everything I have learned from him.

So, my sweetie, calm down!

Everything will remain the same.

You work on what you call artistic creation.

And I try to have fun.

Do what you can.

The only thing you should do

is to keep one of the girls distracting him.

Nugget, for example.

But you said he doesn't want to have anything with women now.

That's why we have to corner him.

We might get lucky and he'll have a heart attack.

But how rich are you?

What are you doing here?

I'm Pepita and I want to be your friend.

Don't worry. You have suffered a serious accident.

I will take care of you.

- For God's sake, get dressed! - I'm dressed.

No no no!

You forgot how to do it? It's not the same anymore.

I said no.

Follow me, Pepe.

Forgive me senior, but I can't.

Why?

Excuse me, sir.

We made a deal and I am determined to keep it.

Yes, but I don't remember anything.

And all this seems immoral to me.

I don't give a damn

It was before the accident

that we agreed to respect our freedom, our separate rights.

But.

But now I am another man.

The situation has totally changed.

Of course. For you everything is perfect.

Before you lost your memory, you lived your life.

Reveler and womanizer.

Not caring about anything I did.

Hi darling.

There is a bill here that you must sign.

Are you okay, honey?

Yes, thanks.

This guy makes me nervous.

Mira,

In a way I don't care.

But don't you think it's a bit cheeky?

Well.

Well good.

Is he your...?

My lover.

-Yes -Of course.

I don't know if I have the right.

After all, you say that I am your husband.

Only on paper.

You sign everything I tell you.

Our agreement is clear and I do not want to repeat it.

At least you could pick them better.

I do not know anymore. Any less

John is a good boy.

A good boy.

He's a pimp spending my money.

You say no to me...

let me remind you that you married me

exactly for my money.

Also, I invest my money.

And I am the capitalist society.

I mean, I'm investing.

Juan and his team are making commercials

for television and cinema.

Not like you, who ties to kill people.

No, please, don't remind me about the oil anymore.

Yes of course.

It is very easy to lose your memory to avoid jail.

I made it clear that I didn't lmpw what my partners were doing with the oil.

Don't worry, the campaign is going to be extraordinary.

And the launch in America, a real success.

You are going to become the king of sausage, I assure you.

It will be an extraordinary commercial.

While they caress with delight the beautiful vines, a plate of berries

appears in the cosmos in search of the perfect union

Do you think it will be convincing?

Well, we'll see when it's finished.

And if I don't like it? We will repeat it for money.

Well, for money. Don't worry, don't hesitate.

You will see how satisfied you are with the beauty of our girls.

Be assured that you will sell tons of sausages

About those beauties...

Where is Miss Cristina?

Miss Christina.

Hello.

Forgive my intrusion.

I have brought you a small gift.

You allow me to call you Cristina.

True or not?

Excuse me.

-But it's not very pretty. -If you open it you will see it better.

You shouldn't bother...

You deserve it all.

So. No, no, no, don't go...

Do you think this fool will score?

I do not know. With Cristina anything can happen.

I hope he won't get scared away again

if it doesn't work with her.

I don't think she's that tight.

-Theirs is more complicated... -Leave that

Berlanga the asshole will take away the spot.

Here. And over here.

I'm going to buy you a flat, a yacht.

You could get anything you want.

I'm going...

to give you all because time flies.

I do not care.

You don't stand still!

Christina is a monster! Help!

She's a monster!

-That's it, she already hit him. -Don't tell me that aunt has...

Oil pneumonia. Sexual mutation, whatever

She's a monster.

It's a monster!

Berlanga!

Lord Berlanga! come back!

She's a monster.

Señor Berlanga!

Berlanga!

What is the moment?

When does this change occur?

There is a certain moment.

While treating me gently, gently.

Everything is going well.

But from the moment I start to feel... Do as I told you!

...horny Okay.

Kinda yeah...

From then on, any rudeness, any minimal violence

I flip!

No one knows what can happen at this moment.

I can't remember anything at all anymore.

Have you seen a doctor?

Yes, I went to see one.

He was gorgeous. I liked him.

He got too excited. And you can imagine what happened.

Be careful, I might change...

I wouldn't mind taking the risk.

How sexy you are.

You're my friend and I don't want to hurt you.

I am willing to sacrifice myself in order to get to the bottom of your problem.

I see it.

I gave it a thought.

Well, look, I can't think much anymore

What the hell? What s going on here?

That's not right!

-What do we do now? -Out of here!

Here! Pablo!

C'mon C'mon. Out!

I'm going to hit you!

Christina Christina

-Christina -Andrew

I can't make love

I'M so unfortunate.

You are perfect.

He pushes and avoids all contact with me.

Every time I get close to him, he runs like he saw the devil.

Well, you are more than the devil.

Where is my husband?

He went out with the driver. He didn't say where.

Why do you care so much?

Pepita says your husband is like a goat.

Yes. Last night he started praying with a rosary.

A rosary?

Yes ma'am.

He said he was praying it for my salvation.

You are crazy, girl.

Could it be that you lack abilities?

I've got a lot of gifts...

Your husband, In addition to memory, he has lost other things.

Prepare yourself for even worse...

because your man will end up in a convent.

A rosary?

Yes. It 's obviously worse than I thought.

Could it be that his conscience pricks him for the horns he has put on me ?

for so long?

-You see, Pepe... -Sir!

You know there are many things I don't remember.

It is a commitment that the Lord has every Thursday

on the second floor.

Señor.

And what's on the second floor?

No idea sir.

I really don't want to go in.

No sir.

Sorry sir.

This is bullshit. He will never get out of here .

You have to add more water.

Good good.

Calm down we will look for the solution.

Well, find it soon, because I will become crispy.

We need to finish and get out of here.

You don't even know how to try.

Of course. They will pay well for the ad.

But the poor suckers who buy this go ass.

Find another more effective product.

But if we have seven different ones and they all promise great things,

you are useless.

My partner is sensitive.

-He understands everything. -Oh yeah?

You'll have to lend him to me.

-Such men are not eas to find. -No, I think not!

-That's why we've been together for a year. -One year?

But it is a lifetime.

Imagine that. It's worth it.

Every day we do something extraordinary.

And then we tell how it felt.

Do you think you can do something extraordinary every day?

Well, from time to time.

But where the hell is Juan?

Where could it be?

Where will our great executive, producer, manager, etcetera, etcetera be.

That stupid prick?

He sticks like glue.

Hopefully, otherwise

we were going to be eating and living in a chalet on the coast.

with what you eat

Go and eat your aunt!

you cry over a bit of food...

Cut the crap.

Juan doesn't even look at you and you're crazy about not combing your hair.

That fucks her up

what a shit.

We can die looking for foam.

Oh! And why don't we decorate the girls with cream or meringue?

Yes, yes, good idea!

Christina. Where are you?

Here.

Bring all the cream you can find.

Give me money. I do not have any.

Look for Juan who is the producer. He has to give you some.

Where is Juan?

playing with the lady

Oh, don't hurt me! Nope

Do you like me to hurt you?

You're right.

I might like it...

What's the matter?

We need something from you

We do not have money.

What do you say?

We need cream to make foam.

These girls have gone crazy.

Calm down. What's going on?

Tell us slowly what happens.

That foam doesn't work.

And we need money. For...

Give her money and let her go.

With the art tycoon.

All morning.

Captain.

Take your time.

Damn you

Carefully.

I might fall.

Do not fall. go now

I shit on you I've already seen Carmen's pussy.

I shit on the whore!

Go to hell.

Where is Barbara?

I was indisposed

and I had to replace her.

Leave when you want professor.

oh Yes Yes.

We will

When we get to the place to leave the car.

Do you think we go a little further

to avoid the dangers of circulation?

What you want professor.

-Smooth. -Yes Yes. What you want.

Gently. Smooth.

-But smooth. -Softly. Yes Yes Yes. Yes.

Very gently, please.

Oh, you are.

We will!

What you want. Smooth. Softly.

Oh, no.

Oh! Oh, no!

Smooth! Very well.

Let's see.

Even a soft.

No professor!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Soft, soft, soft.

Don't push.

Miss. Something happened to him.

To my professor?

I am not a professor, but I can learn.

I can go like that anymore.

I have to find a solution.

I need to know why this happens to me.

Yes, there has to be an explanation.

A scientific one.

Just hear me

What happened to the missing driving school teacher?

But well, aunt, your pussy is fury.

Yes, but impossible.

I don't know what to do.

You know?

I think you should find a good doctor.

Not a good doctor. Not a doctor. Okay.

But it scares me.

Then everything gets complicated.

If it was a woman maybe...

-A female doctor. -Yes of course.

Why we didn't think of it before?

Man of God.

What effort does it cost you to enter the church?

Sorry,

but if it is cooler than here.

Sorry sir. Step in

Someone recommended a doctor.

I've asked for an appointment for this afternoon.

Will you join me?

Calm down, dear.

I don't know why you bother.

You only dedicate yourself to the float.

Thanks to the float we all eat and we can also make art.

Art-eriosclerosis!

There is no bottom how deep you fall

You never win over the rulers, highness.

Get out of politics.

You already know that you are my thing.

You must know better because I haven't found out myself.

The apothecary Cars over there.

How? Over there? You'll have to tell him where. Yeah man, come on.

And if not, it is a pain in the ass.

Hey, wait, wait a minute.

Why don't you give this a winter touch?

Because in summer there isn't an aunt who wears one of these

Why not spin the wheel of fortune. Easy for you, genius.

We bring some snow.

Come on, girls, you can take a nap.

The director is going to the Himalayas.

It is done. We make this commercial on a yacht.

You mean in a rowboat.

No, no, asshole.

On an Arab yacht, my friend.

I love it, dammit. If true. She is in Arabia.

We do it here.

Denaturalized.

Denatured rapeseed oil.

Rapeseed oil is nature.

Nature?

Because it doesn't have to be. like that

And the horniness

It could be due to hormonal problems.

My mother,

while the others,

having fun...

Have you already had normal contact with a man?

before answering.

Relax, completely. Yes.

Of course.

Your pants are too tight

It doesn't bother me

Do you remember when was the first time you had an orgasm with a man?

Hey hey. What do you say?

I don't remember.

Relax, dear.

Relax completely.

Do not worry about anything.

Quiet.

Don't worry.

But let me explain the matter.

Quiet. Just relax.

We need to delve into your problem.

But.

and not to

oh, no

You cannot have hormonal problems.

But why does it have to happen to me?

As good as it is.

I also. I was pushing it.

Hey, try this on.

No, this is better.

Let me help you.

It's very nice. But you're better without.

Smile.

Look over there.

No, to the other side.

Denatured rapeseed oil.

Denatured.

In denatured rapeseed oil.

Denatured

Because there will be. people so bad

The problem is that we cannot divulge too much what happens.

Well, you know, the doctors would treat her like a guinea pig.

and they would destroy her life even more.

But it can't go on like this.

You can't live without making love and being happy.

Well, it's not that serious.

It would be worse if she were blind or dumb.

Juan. And you do you think?

Nothing...

Nothing.

I still haven't recovered from the shock. James.

Why don't we make a science documentary?

about the trauma produced by the chromatic alteration?

Cut the crap.

And what do you think, Chris?

I just want to be able to make love without problems.

What happens to you is that you watch too much television.

I think you should go to a psychiatrist.

It's not that either, man.

Do you want to collaborate or not?

What happens to this is that he fears that the float will hit him again.

Stop the bullshit. Nope?

My grandmother knows a healer

He cures everything.

But do you believe in these things?

I don't but if you don't want to go to a doctor.

Listen, I have an idea.

-No! -What is the first and most important?

The first thing is to find out why this phenomenon occurs.

Once the motivation is discovered and deeply analyzed,

it is easier to find the antidote, that is, the way to eliminate the problem.

Dude, cut the roll. Straight to the point.

I know someone very important that he guesses all the past and the future.

Me too. Yours is from another galaxy.

You put all that stuff into us and you stay so fresh.

That's what it is.

-It is extraordinary. -You know something? She is a lesbian.

Man, you'll have to ask her.

Support

Support

I can't see the Spanish team.

-What? -Yes, man, yes.

One moment.

They're going to take away my football assignment

Excuse me, we have come for my problem.

Yes one moment.

Listen, my friend's problem is very serious.

Yes, too much oil.

I don't know if we'll make it in time.

To the Spanish soccer team.

It's not serious.

I can't see them in the top ten.

But if the organizing country always wins.

But this World Cup is different.

It is celebrated in Spain

Hey, I

I can't make love in peace.

Patience, girl, patience.

There are more important things than you.

I see it.

Yes, I see it.

You'll have to settle for 5th place if you're lucky.

But I.

I am sorry.

I'm exhausted. Completely exhausted.

Come back next week and meanwhile don't make love.

Abstinence. It's very good. abstinence.

Very good.

Sir, I will be very glad to accompany you.

As many times as you wish.

If you say she goes crazy

and begins to beat anyone who is making love to her.

A beast like a beast.

I want her to go away. I can't take it anymore. You see.

We lost the business with Berlanga. And now.

None of that matters.

This is going to be the last of my husband's adventures.

What are you up to?

Throw the lioness to him.

With any luck, it'll send him back to the hospital.

Where is Christina?

She has gone with Andrés to see one of those

fortune-tellers who read the future and fool people.

Letters to a Pythoness.

What time did he tell you to serve him food?

In half an hour.

Madam, you told me you wanted to meditate on the perversion of the world.

Go and do not worry about him.

I'll take care of it.

Perfect.

Bring Cristina and convince her to bring the food

to Daniel's room.

I hold you responsible

You to force Damián to make love to her.

And I don't want him to leave the room until she gives him

a severe beating. - But this is impossible.

Your husband doesn't want anything to do with women.

And for Cristina to

put to effort, he has to make her horny.

And your husband has shown that he's not cappable.

Understand well what I am going to tell you.

If you can't convince Christina and you don't start put your shit together

and your people too, you're going to go make art in the fucking street.

Is it clear?

You are an uncompromising dictator.

Uncompromising?

Not compromising yes. Dictator nope!

I couldn't see the Spanish team among the top ten.

This dick must be English

or French, who wanst sardines and not our fruit.

Will you stop football bullshit?

What did he tell you about Cristina's problem?

She was so exhausted with the soccer thing that she told her to come another day.

Hi there.

What's wrong?

It seems you developed consiousness!

Very funny.

You won't laugh when this is over.

Well this is how it is.

You have fun, you fuck and eat

Come on, unload your problem.

What are you up to now?

You're a bad person and I don't want to hurt you.

I tell you, if you take the bandage off his head, this guy's not too bad.

It can be one more experiment to analyze more deeply.

He's going to cut the roll.

You are selfish.

Does the world end there?

Why do you have to force the poor girl?

If she doesn't want to, you do force it.

Anyway, if he doesn't want to make love to me, I can't force him.

Are you determined to try?

Well, as you say, this may be just another experiment and you never know.

It's interesting.

Female power.

Come on in.

Put down the food and walk away.

I am not Pepita.

You are Christina.

TRUE?

Why are you here?

It's just that Pepita has gotten sick.

I'll bring the food when it's ready.

You have problems too. With eyesight.

-TRUE? -Yes.

And with other organs.

People don't want to have anything to do with us who have flaws.

Flaws scare people.

They prefer to lock themselves in their selfishness.

-Don't you think so? -Yes.

Because you are afraid.

Do not worry.

I won't do you any harm.

The world is corrupted, sunk in sin.

If you have to seek salvation

for all those people even against their will.

If we don't help ourselves in this way, we have defects.

No one will protect us.

Why aren't you talking?

Don't look at me like I am a weirdo.

It's just...

I do not know.

I thought you were different.

What's up, man?

We'll find out when the shit hits the fan.

Andrés.

Andrés.

What a nightmare!

Damn nightmare!

Damn oil!

Damn thing!

Damn oil!

Come on, and.