Original subtitles

[ Man ] One, two! One, two, three!

[ Man Narrating ] You're entering a realm which is unusual.

Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster.

The second one. Prepare to enter-- [ Slam ]

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith,

a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

[ Groans ]

[ People Chattering ] [ Coins Clattering ]

[ Bell Ringing ] [ Laughing ]

A casino where I'm winning?

That car must have killed me. I must be in heaven.

[ Bell Ringing ]

A casino where I always win? That's boring.

I must really be... in hell!

No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell.

You're on an airplane.

[ Whimpers ]

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me!

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!

No! Eva Braun, help me!

[ Screams ]

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow,

plus some new ones that were so beautiful...

I fell to my knees and cried.

- Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? - Yeah.

They have a college kid wear that to attract customers.

Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume.

For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

and it was one with my own.

- Big deal. - We all feel like that all the time,

but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

How can you people be so blasé?

Here you are in the year 3000 or so,

yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from.

"Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome...

and boy bands roamed the earth?

Yeah, but now it's the distant future.

Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of?

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that?

Let's take the rest of the morning off...

and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do.

- Everything? - Except that.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh?

Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

[ Laughing Exultantly ]

Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

What should we do next? I wanna see the edge of the universe.

Ooh! That sounds cool.

It's funny. You live in the universe,

but you never do these things till someone comes to visit.

[ Farnsworth ] There it is, the edge of the universe.

[ Coins Jingle ]

[ Coin Drops ]

[ Timer Ticking ]

Far out.

So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough.

I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

Let's move on to Fry's next fantasy.

[ Roars ]

[ Ground Rumbling ] Yee-haw!

Bow before your master, puny mortals!

Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha!

Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

That was fun. Let's give him a treat.

[ Pig Squeals ] [ Thud ]

[ Snorts ] [ Squeals ]

Keep your palms flat. [ Munching ]

[ Laughing ]

The tongue tickles. [ Laughs ]

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight.

Yes, it's been quite an hour and a half.

I've only got two fantasies left--

to be invisible in a chocolate factory...

and to be romantically linked with a celebrity.

I could pound your head till you think that's what happened.

Okay. Wait. Hold on.

It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want.

It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime.

[ Fry ] "Download a celebrity from the Internet."

What part of that do I understand? It's simple.

You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot.

Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that.

Onto the Internet you go.

Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

[ Muttering ]

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass.

Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald.

What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay.

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy?

Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

[ Chortling ]

Will a money order be okay?

- Yes. - [ Chortling ]

So where's the celebrity dating place?

Let's search the Web. Over there.

Welcome to nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? Nah.

I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood.

Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms.

Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it?

Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. [ Gasps ]

Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice--

in 2003 and then again in 2063.

I'd like the 2003 model.

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her.

Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

[ Gasps ] It worked!

You're one sexy man-- [ Robotic Voice ] Philip J. Fry.

[ Moaning ]

[ Fry, Muffled ] It worked perfectly!

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu.

Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything?

[ Giggles ]

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive--

[ Robotic Voice ] Philip J. Fry.

Did you hear that? She likes me.

Well, duh. She's programmed to like you.

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century.

She's more than just a piece of software.

Would you like to take a moment to register me?

Uh, not right now.

I'll remind you later, you hot stud you.

So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

Would you like to take a moment to register me? I said later.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more,

I just use the restroom and then I can eat more.

You should write a book, Fry.

People need to know about the-- [ Robotic Voice ] can eat more.

Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies.

My personality is mathematically derived from my movies,

proportionately weighted by box office receipts.

* Whoo I'm just a love machine * * Uh, uh

* And I won't work for nobody but you *

* Yeah * I'm just a love machine

* Yeah, baby * A huggin', kissin' fiend

* I'm just a love machine

* And I won't work for nobody but you *

* Yeah, baby * I'm just a love machine

* A huggin, kissin' fiend *

You're cute. You're cute.

You. You.

You. You.

Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

Well, that's love for you.

Humans dating robots is sick.

You people wonder why I'm still single?

It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans.

Bender, this is Fry's decision.

And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

She doesn't really love you. She can't.

She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

My God! He never took middle school hygiene.

He never saw the propaganda film.

It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

** [ Melodramatic Fanfare ]

Ordinary human dating.

It's enjoyable, and it serves an important purpose.

[ Crying ]

But when a human dates an artificial mate,

there is no purpose, only enjoyment.

And that leads to... tragedy.

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot.

Oh, you're a real dreamboat--

[ Robotic Voice ] Billy Everyteen.

Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

[ Smooching, Moaning ]

Billy, do you want to walk your dog?

No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Billy, do you wanna get a paper route...

and earn some extra cash?

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together.

Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street.

That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene?

Ordinarily, Billy would work hard...

to make money with his paper route.

Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis,

thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act.

But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother?

Why should anyone bother?

Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later.

Where are all the football stars?

And where are the biochemists?

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex...

and sometimes the same sex.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future.

Where's Billy?

[ Giggling ] [ Moaning ]

Farewell. [ Gasps ]

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet?

It was Earth!

[ Announcer ] Brought to you by-- [ Singers ] * The Space Pope *

Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

[ Moaning ] [ Giggling ]

Ooh! [ Giggles ]

I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

[ Bender ] What is the world comin' to?

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya.

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

But Fry's our friend, Bender.

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag?

- You stifle, Bender. - Hooray!

Finally, you're standing up to him.

Although he is completely right.

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay.

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

- Who's in charge of this dump? - That'd be me.

If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

- Listen, you fat Internet nerd. - Listening.

Your company promotes wrong love.

If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw.

Yeah. You can't shut us down.

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

We've done nothing wrong. [ Woman ] Help! I'm being held prisoner!

Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

[ All Gasp ] [ Grunts ]

[ All Gasp ]

Who are you? Don't hurt us.

Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years.

The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium.

So what's your problem?

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us.

[ Electricity Buzzing ] [ Groaning ]

Ow! [ Crying ] It hurts!

[ Pounding ] Open this door!

Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

It's a bluff. We can't take that chance.

Move, people! Move!

Please pick me up before you go-go.

She asked first. [ Alarm Blaring ]

[ Groans, Screams ]

- Um, are you Lucy Liu? - Sure.

[ Grunts ] [ Panting ]

Oh, we're doomed!

They got the head. They uncovered the sign.

Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

And we would've gotten away with it...

if it weren't for those meddling adults.

[ Man ] We'll stop them.

They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle.

Hand me that backup disk.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like--

Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender.

Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you?

Hey, don't look at me like that!

If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it.

Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

It's another Lucy Liubot.

[ Robotic Voice ] I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

[ All Gasping ]

Hey, what the-- [ Groans ]

Take this and that and one of these. [ Groaning, Grunting ]

Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

[ Grunts ] All right, Liu,

time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

[ Groans ] [ Electricity Crackling ]

Then along came Bender.

- Hmm? - Looks like you're retaining water.

[ All Cheering ] That was incredible, Bender.

You're like Jackie Chan before he got all doughy.

Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

- [ Screams ] - [ Footsteps Pounding ]

It's an army of Lucy Lius.

[ Dr. Zoidberg, Leela Screaming ] They're horrible.

[ Robotic Liubot Voice ] Take this and that and one of these.

[ Screaming ]

- Robot Crouching Tiger. - Robot Crane style.

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming Continues ]

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

- [ Choking ] - Hi-yah!

[ Screaming, Groans ]

This is the best movie I've ever seen.

It has a vampire and an explosion.

It's amazing the way you-- [ Robotic Voice ] notice two things.

No! Don't open that coffin. [ Ticking ]

It's ticking. I have to, Alex.

That coffin's not going to open itself.

Bleh!

Mmm!

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross.

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

That is so sweet. [ Gasps ]

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

[ Snapping ]

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city.

Is yours acting normally? Let me see.

[ Moaning, Smooching ]

Yep. Why do you ask?

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror.

I can't. I'm a vampire.

[ Crowd Screaming ]

Oh! Why? [ Grunting ]

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

Quick! This way.

[ All Panting ]

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

[ Yelps, Whimpers ]

- [ Panting ] - [ Gasps ]

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots.

Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy.

A dangerous mistake to make.

At least we've got food.

- Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. - Hooray!

- And don't eat it. - [ Sighs ]

- [ Grunts ] - [ Liubots ] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- [ Liubot ] Data error! - [ Liubot #2 ] Do not compute!

Whoo-hoo! [ All Cheering ]

Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

[ Gulping ]

[ All Screaming ]

- [ All Whimpering ] - You'll be safe in here, sweetheart.

Get lost, Pavarotti. * Nooo *

[ Crash ]

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love...

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity,

which, it turns out, is a lot.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the--

[ Robotic Voice ] Poetic image number 37 not found.

[ Metallic Pinging ]

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Light hot. Oil temperature rising.

[ Gasps ] Oh, no. Malfunction.

[ Liubot ] This ain't good. [ Liubot #2 ] System error.

[ Electricity Buzzing ] You saved us.

Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just--

[ Robotic Voice ] Massive corn clog in port seven.

- Are you the last copy of me? - Yes.

- Erase her, Fry. - What? No!

Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image.

And in the end, that's all I really have.

That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter.

But I just downloaded her because I love you.

If you love the real Lucy Liu...

and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows...

and kiss-ass articles in Peopl magazine,

you'll blank out that robot.

[ Electricity Crackles ]

I'm sorry.

Hug me, Liubot.

[ Beeping ]

- [ Sniffles ] - I'll always remember you, Fry.

[ Robotic Voice ] Memory deleted.

[ Crying ] I know it hurts, buddy,

but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore.

[ Sniffling ] Uh-huh.

And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu.

Yeah, at our wedding.

It's true. Bender and I are in love.

- But-- But-- - Don't be a prude, Fry.

[ Both Moaning ]

[ Giggling ]

Mmm! Boy! [ Chuckling ]

[ Growling ] [ Continue Kissing, Moaning ]