Original subtitles

[ Man ] One, two! One, two, three!

[ Ducks Quacking ]

Go get it, boy! Ruff!

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats?

They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them.

Those aren't swan boats. They're swans.

Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

[ Whirring ] [ Gasps ]

[ Screaming ]

Aaah!

Mmm! Hmm.

Aaah! [ Gasps ] Aaah!

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth.

I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate,

Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters.

- [ Gasping ] - For generations,

your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world.

But now, for no reason,

we challenge you to defend your honor...

on the basketball court.

-[ Commotion ] -Will no one meet our challenge?

Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game?

- What happens if we lose? - Nothing!

There is nothing at stake and no threat...

beyond the shame of defeat.

[ Gasps ] This will not stand!

[ Murmuring ] I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

You, old man? Hmph.

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

[ Laughing ]

I may be an old man--

in fact, I'm fairly sure I am--

but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place...

with my team of mutant atomic supermen!

[ Cheering ] Irie, Professor!

Behold, my mutant atomic supermen!

They're only a foot high, Professor.

Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really.

We'll need to speed up their growth...

with time particles called chronitons.

Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza--

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

[ Sizzling ]

Hey, Leela, look at me!

[ Coughing, Wheezing ]

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.

There's a lot about my face you don't know.

Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner.

All right. Cool your jets, hotshot.

Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me?

We both know there's something there.

No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face.

Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

Here you go. Hot off the nebula.

None too soon. While you were gone,

the Trotters held a news conference to announce that I was a jive sucker.

[ Cooing ]

[ Gasping ]

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants!

- Hi. - Hello.

Marv Albert here at Madison Cube Garden...

where the Harlem Globetrotters take on a squad of atomic supermen...

in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest...

with no surprises whatsoever.

[ Whistle ] There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball!

Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court.

And Curly Joe from the rear! [ Yelps ]

[ Zoidberg Laughs ] That one grabbed his behindus.

- Shh! - Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk?

We came to terrify and humiliate you,

not tickle your funny bones.

Watch as I embarrass your civilization...

by passing the ball to Curly Joe...

only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

- [ Laughing ] - [ Crowd Booing ]

And perhaps this will wipe the smiles from your faces.

[ Albert ] Goose goes up! Rejected!

- Growtreant from half court. Yes! - [ Cheering ]

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Albert ] Supermen lead, 45-42.

Arachneon with the steal, to Thorias.

Thorias from downtown.

Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do.

No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

[ Grunting ]

[ Buzzer ] [ Albert ] And that's the half with the Supermen up, 48-42.

Surprisingly dull so far.

Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions?

It was always our plan to trail at the half,

thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation.

Also, what game were the refs watching?

[ Whistle ]

[ Giggling ]

[ Albert ] Curly Joe, easily amused by his own antics,

continues to wreak havoc--

[ Albert ] What the-- Hey, man.

Whoo! What was that?

Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second?

Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just happened...

in this basketball game between space clowns and atomic monsters.

Hmm?

- Time out! Time out! - [ Whistle ]

- What's happening? - We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time,

like a needle skipping on a record player.

What's causing it? Is it my outfit?

No. It must have something to do with those time particles...

I used to grow the supermen.

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams.

[ Gasping ]

- Oops. - Oh, great.

Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man.

Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor!

I wanna show Leela my skills.

Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left.

- What could possibly-- - [ Crowd Booing ]

[ Buzzer ] [ Albert ] Globetrotters win, 244-86.

A dark day for humanity, folks.

We have been beaten... in basketball.

Yeah, that's how we do it! [ Laughing ]

You are all fools of the highest caliber.

I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up.

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas.

I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

We have bigger problems.

This time disruption is extremely serious.

Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle...

could destroy the very matrix of reality.

Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet,

but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate.

You're that Bubblegum Tate?

Well, I sure ain't his grandma. Now, look here, Prof.

I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices.

Yes. I see.

Something involving that many big words could easily destabilize time itself.

- Is that a problem? - Indeed so.

At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday.

By Wednesday, it will be August.

And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

I'll have to ask you to clear out now.

The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

[ Trumpeting ]

[ All Screaming ]

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained--

Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest--

Won three Grammys last night--

Found dead in her bathtub.

Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips,

but then we have no memory of it.

- You mean we just-- - My, yes!

Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum?

Not yet. Listen.

Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work.

Not if you'll grant me the same liberty. [ Slurps ]

Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender,

and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court.

Can I be a Globetrotter? Shut up, turkey.

Ooh. Bubblegum, look at this.

[ Clicking ] The background time radiation is fluctuating wildly!

Good Lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty!

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just--

** [ Calypso ]

I don't know how this was supposed to work.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

Happy birthday, Amy!

Hooray! Look at all these presents!

I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth--

What? Awww.

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet.

There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with.

Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

Owww.

Hmm. Hmm.

Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry?

Leela, I would be honored.

** [ Action Theme ] Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen.

Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me.

[ TV Stops ] The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature.

I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg.

[ Sobbing ]

[ Sniffles ] You were saying?

[ Sniffing ]

Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula.

Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope.

Ooh! What's that funky jazz?

The odor of pure time leaking.

When my crew removed the chronitons,

it destabilized the nebula,

causing time skips throughout the universe.

Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it!

Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky.

As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah!

they cause these dents, or "time skips."

You are so smart.

Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars...

to these algebraic coordinates?

Their gravity might just divert the chronitons...

to the empty side of the universe.

Yeah. But it's impossible.

Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump.

And we'd need all the money on Earth to build--

What the-- What?

There's the funding for your gravity pump.

But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day.

Now, how long will it take to build?

It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

Ah. There we are.

One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves.

Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so--

Off you go, apparently.

[ Tate ] Easy, Leela. Just finger-roll that star into the cosmic basket.

Just a few... more...

hundred... thousand... miles.

There.

[ Tate ] Nothin' but nebula.

[ Clicking ] We'll have to run some tests back on Earth,

but I think we've stopped the time skips.

All right! Jammin'! Hooray for Leela!

And what better way to celebrate our success...

than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself?

Lemme see.

Hello, lawsuit.

Leela, I want you to know...

I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful.

I got you something.

[ Gasps ] Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know?

You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are.

Aw. That is so true and sweet.

You're smart, you're beautiful,

and best of all, you'll go out with me?

Fry, please try to understand.

You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different.

Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives.

Can you teach me to make cupcakes?

All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. [ Sighs ]

I got her champagne. I opened it.

What does a guy have to do?

Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

It's time to win Leela's heart with a big, showy, three-point romantic gesture.

Hmm. Maybe this is the moment to show her my real surprise.

[ Rockets Roaring ]

Fry, what are you doing?

Uh-oh. Time to boogie on down to the sauna.

Look. I've been studying how to pilot the ship.

Impressed? Yeah, actually.

You're doing okay. The core-reactor temperature's nominal.

The blinker's off. I learned how to work the gravity pump, too,

in case we need to move more stars.

- So, are we dating now? - [ Groans ]

Is that what this is all about? Please, just cut it out now.

Look, Leela. I know there's some perfect, amazing thing I can do to make you love me.

- And when I figure out what it is-- - Fry, stop.

I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way...

that you and I will ever, ever--

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Mmm! [ Groans ]

- [ Cheering ] - Yes!

[ Grunting ] [ Cheering ]

[ Zoidberg ] He looks radiant.

- [ Muffled Speech ] - Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

The time skips haven't stopped at all.

Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

You tricked me into marrying you, didn't you? Of course not!

How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis?

No! Drugs are for losers!

And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows.

I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me,

but whatever it was, we're married now.

We've got the rest of our lives to work this--

Divorce is final. What?

Well, let's divide up the china.

I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets.

Fine. Break my heart again.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry.

You lost the woman of your dreams,

but you still have Zoidberg.

You all still have Zoidberg!

How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out.

Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry.

No. I don't know what I'm doing.

Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter.

What do you say, Bubblegum? Hell no.

- Awww. - Oh, it's hopeless.

I did something so great that it won Leela's heart,

and I'll never ever know what it was.

My life is empty. [ Sniffles ]

* Zoidberg

No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible.

I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra.

Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz!

A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

[ Bender Laughs ] Vintage Bubblegum!

The time skips are worse than ever now.

Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look!

Stupid senior citizens.

Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits?

I deserve free money!

Well, I'm stumped.

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer--

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

What do you think, Curly Joe? No, man.

An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe.

You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie.

Make it an implosion.

By God, Sweet Clyde is right!

An implosion might just form a black hole...

that would stop more chronitons from escaping.

Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof!

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that.

Doomsday device?

Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

[ Beeping ] I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Gimme some skin, Prof.

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter.

In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter.

Yay! I'm a Globetrotter!

[ Hurried Footsteps ]

[ Panting ] Did you just say--

- Too late, hot plate. - Aw, crap!

[ Beeping ]

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere.

But we wish you Godspeed.

Please! Please let me come with you.

I can make myself taller.

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball.

But look in your heart and ask yourself,

are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter?

Are you? Yes.

Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could--

Are you? [ Whimpers ] No.

Deal with it.

[ Sniffling ]

[ Beeping ]

- Aaah! Oh! - Careful with that doomsday device, Bender.

What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter.

My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.

Roger.

Leela, about the wedding--

I don't know what I did to make you love me,

and I don't think I tricked you into it, but maybe I did.

And if I did, I'm sorry.

It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right?

Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do...

will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you.

I guess not.

Well, the doomsday device is ready.

Maybe blasting this quadrant of space...

into a hellstorm of flaming nothingness will cheer me up a little.

Okay. Let me just take the ship out to a safe distance.

Actually, I think I'll go down and prep the detonator.

Fry, why don't you take the helm?

She's so great. I feel like I can almost remember...

the magical thing I did to make her love me.

But I guess I never will.

Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

** [ Slowly Whistling "Sweet Georgia Brown" ]

[ Engines Whirring ]

Ohh!

That's how I must've done it!

I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

[ Leela ] Detonation in three, two, one.

No!

Did you see it? Did you see it?

- The explosion? - No, not the explosion!

- Then what? - Nothing.

** [ Bender Slowly Whistling "Sweet Georgia Brown" ]