Original subtitles

[ Man ] One, two! One, two, three!

♪ Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride ♪

[ Babbles ] ♪ Somethin' Bender is great ♪

♪ Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪♪ [ Thudding ]

[ Fry ] Oh, my God!

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time.

[ Clanging, Groans ]

[ Grunting, Groans ]

There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

[ Gasps ]What's that?

One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about?

No, it's an old Volkswagen van.

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van?

Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses.

Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

[ Grunting ]

- [ Gulping ] - What's that?

One of those Jefferson Starships I've heard so much about?

It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a-rockin',

I invite you to come a-knockin'.

Wow! Neat!Oh!

It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering.

Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80.

This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour?

No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor...

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time?

- Under the seat. - [ Engine Grinding ]

Why won't it start?It just needs some gas.

Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Gas was an environmental disaster anyway.

Now we use alternative fuels.

Like what?Whale oil.

Bender, lift it up to the can opener.

Oh, no! I'm not going near it.

Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off.

Oh, right. Plus, the magnet...

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer?

How ridiculous!

Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you.

And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that.

Okay. Okay. I can do this.

It's time to take life by the cans.

[ Grunting ]

Come on. You can do it.Go on, you dummy.

[ Electronic Hum ][ Shouts ]

♪ Jimmy crack corn and I don't care ♪ [ Groaning ]

♪ Jimmy crack corn and I don't care ♪ [ Groaning Continues ]

Oh, no![ All Exclaiming ]

♪ I don't care 'cause the master's gone away ♪♪

It's toe-tappingly tragic.[ Groaning ]

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me?

[ Sighs ] This is the worst part of the job.

- What is it? Good news? - Bender, your hydraulics are shot.

You'll never move again.[ Gasps ]

You mean--I'm sorry.

You'll have to get a new one.[ Sobbing ]

[ All Exclaiming ]Poor Bender.

Well, let's drag him to the curb.

Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend.

We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes.

Oh! My life is over.

I'll never know happiness again. [ Honking ]

[ Laughs ] Hello there.

Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams.

He heals with the power of laughter.

Come on. Take it. [ Honks ]

What's the matter? Can't move your arms?

Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.

Hey, here's a giggle.

[ Honking ]

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard?

- No. Why? - 'Cause it always locks up. [ Honks ]

[ Forced Laughter ]

For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

Well, so long. Get well soon.

Oh. Well. So long anyway.

Oh, I'm doomed!

Everybody leave me alone. I don't wanna be seen this way.

Aw, you look so sad.

You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

[ Sobbing ]

[ Sobbing Continues ]

♪♪ [ Harmonica: Blues ]

[ Sniffs ] Hey, the blues.

The tragic sound of other people's suffering.

- That's kind of a pick-me-up. - ♪♪ [ Continues ]

Wow, that was great!Hey, thanks. You a fan?

I don't know. Let me see.

Oh, my God, you're Beck!

I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet,

but my crappy body crapped out on me.

Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too,

but then I fished this mannequin out of the 92-Cent Store Dumpster.

Wow! We've sure got a lot in common, Beck.

I always dreamed of being a musician-poet who transcends genres,

even as he reinvents them, just like you.

So do it, robot. It's easier than it looks.

Yeah, thanks, but it's hopeless.

I'll never be a musician now.

Or maybe... you'll be the best musician ever.

[ Whispering ]

[ Grunts ] What's this for?

Try and scrape it across your chest, like a knife on burnt toast.

[ Grunting ]

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking.

Make it dynamic.[ Clattering ]

Yeah-yeah-yee! All right. Congratulations, my friend.

Why? 'Cause I can make annoying noises?

Exactly. I use those all the time in my music.

Bender, I want you to become my new washboard player.

[ Gasps ] All right!

Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

[ Honking ]Well, that's my good friend Beck.

I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues.

Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer.

Both our dreams came true.

[ Honks ]

Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van...

and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

[ Backfiring ]

I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van.

[ Honking ]

Come on. Move it. We gotta get to the concert...

and make the audience wait for it to start.

[ Backfiring ]

Bad news, friends.

My shell ran.

Zoidberg, you idiot!

My outfit-- it's-- it's--

Kind of cool.Yeah. I like it.

- Me too, now that I'm used to it. - Then it was all on purpose.

You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend.

But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.[ Snaps Claws ]

[ Shrieking ]

[ Beck ] ♪ There's a destination a little up the road ♪

♪ From the habitations and the towns we know ♪[ Clucking ]

♪ A place we saw the lights turn low ♪

♪ The jigsaw jazz and the get-fresh flow ♪

♪ Pulling out jives and jamboree handouts ♪

♪ Two turntables and a microphone ♪

♪ Bottles and cans Just clap your hands ♪ [ Hands Clapping ]

♪ Just clap your hands ♪

[ Crowd Whooping ]♪ Where it's at ♪

♪ Got a washboard stomach and a microphone ♪

♪♪ [ Clanging To Beat ]

♪ That was a washboard brain ♪♪

Whoo!Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

One bowl of Jell-O knuckles, please.

That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington.

Oh, no! My beautiful money!

It got ruined in the wash.Mine too. Even my change.

Get lost, you moneyless hippies!

You heard him, freaks.

We don't like your type around here.

These are the types we like.

Bender, that was thebest 40-minute washboard solo I've ever heard.

The parts when I was awake blew my mind.

[ Thud ]

Whoa! Check out all those broken robots. Howdy, fellas!

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes!

It's Bender, the washboard player!

Hey, man, we caught your concert from here.

[ All ] You rock!

Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest!

It's in that bin behind me.

Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful.

Aw, hang in there, folks.

I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- [ Clattering ]

[ Clattering Continues ]

[ Clattering Stops ]

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

Not right when they're kissing my ass.

Whoa, dawg. Just cold chill.

You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it.

Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really--

- What's that song about? - Hey, yeah.

I could write a song... with real words.

Not phony ones, like "odelay."

"Odelay" is a word. Just look it up in the Becktionary.

Oh.

♪♪ [ Humming ]

I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary.

No, no, the rhyming Becktionary.[ Sighs ]

I wish I could help raise awareness about broken robots.

But what can I do? I only weigh eight pounds.

Wait a minute. You know lots of rock stars.

And most of them like to look like they care about things.

We can all get together for a big benefit concert in San Francisco.

And we can call it "Bend-Aid" after me, Bender.

And you can sing that song you're writing.

And I'll let you sing backup.

But remember who the star is-- me, Bender.

♪♪ [ Rock ][ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Buzzing ]

[ Neon Buzzing ]

All right. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "just don't care."

And... finished!

[ Sniffs, Groans ]

Smells like something died in the wall. [ Door Opens ]

Surprise!

Mind if we crash here tonight?

The colors in the van are keeping us awake.

All right, but hands off the minibar.

Wow! I forgot about TV. Living free on the road,

you realize how much better life is without it.

Well, let's see what's on.♪♪ [ Folk ]

[ Announcer ] Tuesday, Golden Gate Park--

The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock...

will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid!

Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus...

and special guest Bender! [ Echoing ]

A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots.

Yeah! Hooray!Great.

- Bender, you're famous! - [ Sniffling ] Yeah.

This coming together of superstars...

really means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender?

Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers...

is the first thing I've ever cared about,

even the slightest bit. [ Sniffling Continues ]

You know, when I first got broken,

I felt my life was over, but look at me now.

I got fame, money, groupies,

and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized.

That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say,

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!"

Bender, you can move. You're cured.

Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

I can move again. [ Sobbing ]

My music career is over.

Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz,"

but wouldn't being able to move help your music career?

No! Don't you see?

I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them.

But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not?

That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish.

[ Gasps ] Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Snorting, Spitting ]

You better not do that at the concert.

I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat.

- [ Spits ] - [ Groans ]

You are so disgusting. I-- [ Gasps ]

They're beautiful!

Ew! You're touching them.

I've never seen pearls like this.

Dr. Zoidberg, you're amazing!

I am? At last, recognition!

[ Snorting ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Man On P.A. ] Gentle hippies, put your filthy hands together...

for the folk stylings of Cylon and Garfunkel!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

Here's a song that was beautiful...

when performed by my ancestor, Art.

♪ Are you goin' to Scarborough Fair ♪

[ Cylon In Robotic Monotone ] ♪ Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme ♪

♪ Remember me ♪ [ Van Approaching ]

♪ To one who lives there ♪

[ Backfiring ]

[ Cylon ] ♪ She once was ♪

♪ A true love of mine ♪♪

We're home.Well, let's earn some bread.

Brothers and sisters, get your love beads.

Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads.

Wow, look at the colors!

These'll go great with my soul.

Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently.

I'll take three.Give me one, man.

I'll trade you a bad poem.

[ Man On P.A. ] And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders...

for... Beck!♪♪ [ Rock ]

With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot!

[ Cheering ]

Bender rules!Groove on, man!

[ Woman ] Rock it, Bender!

♪ Can't you hear those cavalry drums ♪

♪ Hijacking your equilibrium ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪ Midnight snacks ♪

♪ In the mausoleum ♪♪

♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Crowd Cheering ]

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours,

but we got into a serious thing,

and then I forgot how it ended.

Anyway, one last item of business before we go.

Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots,

here's a big cardboard check for $14,000.

It's been an emotional day for me.

[ Sobs ] I don't know what to say.

Then maybe you should sing it. Lay it down, boys.

♪♪ [ Soft Rock ]

Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery--

[ Cheering ]

This is a song called "My Broken Friend."

[ Crowd Cheering ]

♪ People say my broken friend is useless ♪

♪ But I say his mind is free ♪

♪ There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be ♪

Kick it.♪ He could make a good hat rack ♪

♪ He only has to stand there ♪

- ♪ Or a cheap doorstop ♪ - ♪ He doesn't need to move ♪

♪ Or a great big giant thermos ♪♪ Giant thermos ♪

♪ With a twist-off top ♪♪ That would be good for soup ♪

♪ He could be a storage closet ♪

[ Together ] ♪ For outdated pants ♪

♪ I like 'em tight ♪

[ Bender ] ♪ My broken friend could do it all ♪

[ Together ] ♪ Just give him a chance ♪

♪ That robot has a tragic secret ♪

- ♪ That I'd like to share ♪ - For real?

♪ My broken friend is closer to me ♪

- ♪ Than an ass to a chair ♪ - Hmm.

♪ That robot's name I never told you ♪

Who's that?♪ You could not foresee ♪

Come on. Give it up.♪ I'll say it loud and sing it proud ♪

[ Together ] ♪ His name is you and me ♪

- ♪ Don't melt me down into a crowbar ♪ - ♪ That suffers alone ♪

♪ Just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs ♪♪ Arms and legs, hey ♪

-[ Bender ] ♪ Or toss me into a trash can ♪-Bender, what are you doing?

♪ Just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs ♪

- What are you doing? - ♪ Don't crush me into an anchor ♪

- Yo, what's the dillio? - Just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing ♪

But-- No-- But, Bender--♪ I'm telling you my broken friend ♪

♪ Put your hands in the air like you just don't care ♪

No--♪ I'm telling you my broken friend ♪

♪ Can do most ♪Cut it.

♪ Anything ♪♪Cut it.

Yeah!Cut it!

[ Crowd Booing ]

Curse my natural showmanship!

You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken!

But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage!

- [ Clamoring ] - [ Bender Stammering ]

[ Crowd Shouting ] [ Woman ] Get him!

[ Tarzan Yell ]

- [ Grunts ] - [ Gears Grinding ]

Whoa![ Shouting ]

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

[ Zoidberg Vomiting ]

You, minion, lift up my arm.

After him!

[ People Screaming ]

Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

[ Horn Honking ]

What is this? The Year of the Jerk?

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge.

Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

Whoa![ All Shout ]

Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge.

And I forgot this isn't a hover car!

- Is any of that a problem? - Not if you've lived a life without regret.

[ Screaming ]

[ All Screaming ]

I'll save me!

Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

[ Bender Grunting ]

[ Sighs Of Relief ]

[ Shouting ]

Bummer.

Someone fat get in my way!

Oh.[ Groaning ]

[ Shouts, Sobs ] I'm broken again.

- I can't move any part of me. - Good.

I'm really sorry I lied, Beck.

All I ever wanted was to make music with you.

I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone.

Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap.

But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted.

So, I can, uh, keep the check?

Over my dead career!

Well, it was worth a shot.

[ Sighs ] [ Water Sloshing ]

Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home.

All right, all right.

Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up.

Right! ♪ Fry crack corn and I don't care ♪

♪ Leela crack corn I still don't care ♪

♪ Bender crack corn and he is great ♪

♪ Take that, you stupid corn ♪♪