Original subtitles

Wait, are you going to date?

Haha yeah...

What's her name?

Ana Marie.

Hi. are you Ana Marie?

Because you look way prettier than you do in your pictures,

I mean. Wow.

Yes, Simon. Come in.

Say no more.

Is this your place?

It's pretty neat, you know? Organized.

A little dark, but otherwise it's pretty cool.

Simon.

Shhhhhh

So pretty.

So beautiful.

So...

Warm.

You’re making me nervous, Monika.

Spoiler alert.

He is definitely not single.

You sure?

Okay. Right.

But, like, are you super.

Totally sure. I ran a reverse image search.

It popped up hundreds of times under various names.

It's probably just some male model.

So he's a male model?

No, he's using someone else's profile pic.

Oh.

Secondly, the phone number is Google Voice.

Real people do not use Google Voice.

I mean, but maybe he's still single.

I mean, there's a ton of explanations.

Maybe he's deformed.

I really don't care as long as he's nice.

So assuming the name he gave you is real, which is a big assumption at this point.

That is him.

And that guy is in fact married.

He does live in state, so at least you don't lie about that.

Well, I mean, that's something.

Devin.

Please, just block him on every platform.

That is freaking wedding announcement!

I will, I promise.

There's nothing about that guy that is worth knowing.

This guy's cute too.

Devin!

Please, just block him.

Block. Block. Block.

Say it with me.

Block. Block.

Block.

Okay,

I'm going to go help Kelly pick out some plants.

Remember, there are plenty of birds in the sky.

Oh, you know, the usual.

Chasing after weirdos and married men.

I remember when you guys were in, like, second grade,

and she said she wanted to marry beast from beauty and the beast.

But only if you stayed hairy.

Yeah, she'll find her Mr. Wrong someday.

Okay, so what are we looking for today?

Full sun, partial shade. What?

Oh, yeah. You still haven't been to our new place yet?

We have an extra bedroom if you wanted to stay there.

I don't want to impose.

But you'll stay with a friend instead of your family.

She gets me.

Look, I know we weren't friends growing up, and I was kind of a mean older sister,

but you're back in town, and I was hoping we could change that.

I'm here.

And I appreciate that.

Okay, so the backyard is mostly sun, but I want

some partial shade plants for around the house.

Oh, you could plant some trees and make it all shade.

Paul loves his lawn.

Ooh, foxgloves.

I've always loved foxgloves.

They go great in sun and shade.

Oh, wait.

How old is Emma? Again? They're poisonous to eat.

She's eight, so I don't think that'll be a problem.

You really should visit more.

How about this one? How much is it?

Oh, you could add some wildlife instead.

Like birdhouses?

Yeah, for chickadees or wren.

Ooh, how about bats?

So I was listening to this podcast.

Have you ever heard of the Kitum Caves in the Congo?

UFOs are not real.

I don't care how many times you tell me they are.

It's not aliens.

It's a real cave that really exists here.

Sure.

They call it the most dangerous cave in the world.

Because of all the tight spaces or something?

Scientists think is ground zero

for some of Earth's deadliest diseases, like Ebola.

Now there's some others. I can't remember, though.

You listen to this stuff for fun?

It's a salt cave, so tons of different animals,

even elephants, go there every night for salt.

And bats?

Exactly. And the bats can host

all sorts of diseases without even being affected by them.

I think I need somebody like that in college.

Stop it!

What about. This one's cheap and hearty. Sure. Let's try it.

So, what do you do for work these days?

Well, still looking.

Not much you can do with a criminal science degree

if you've been unemployed for nearly a decade.

You could say that you were a caregiver.

Well, she didn't pay me.

Yeah, but it was still a full time job.

Yeah, well, that's not gonna help me get a job in criminal science, though.

Actually, I think I saw a help wanted sign for a private

investigators assistant a few doors down from where I do yoga.

Like a secretary.

I don't know, I didn't look into it, but you should check it out.

Let me get you the address.

They're just not taking this seriously.

I tried to tell them it's not like him to leave

even for an hour and not let me know where he's going.

And how long has he been gone?

Since...

8:00 last night.

He went on a date.

He didn't say where he was going,

but I got suspicious because he had already had his dinner.

And you called the police at...

At ten

and then again at midnight and at 8:00 this morning.

But it's just because they're not doing anything.

Okay.

Does he go out on a lot of dates?

No. Not really.

Does he have a typical location

he likes to go to a movie theater or a bar.

I don't know.

Do you have

any guesses as to where Simon might have gone last night?

I don't know.

Please help me find him.

(doorbell chimes)

I'm sorry

Gladys, that's my next appointment.

I'll tell you what I can do, all right?

I'll talk to the police.

I have a friend down at the department. I'll find out what they know.

All right. And I have your address here.

How about if I stop by later. Maybe we can find a clue

as to where Simon might have gone last night?

Sounds good?

Thank you, Mr. Claremont.

Oh, you can call me Walter.

Monika Gibson.

Says here you have a criminal science degree, but you've been a caregiver

for the past decade?

Well, I didn't really.

Basically, what happened is, after I graduated,

my aunt got sick and everyone else had careers and families.

So it was kind of up to me to step up.

So what now you want to be,

an assistant to a private investigator?

Yeah.

I want to get into the game finally and help people do some good in the world.

I mean this is my real passion.

Nothing like solving a mystery, right.

Well,

you know, I'm going to be honest with you.

90% of the cases

are not that terribly interesting, but it's that 10%.

That's what makes it all worth it.

Are there a lot of other applicants for this job?

Well, you know, I'll tell you,

you'd be the first.

But, you know, I got a really good feeling about you.

All right.

Would you like to get started today?

Oh, wow. Yeah, sure.

Sure, sure. All right.

Well, as it would be, I have a new case that, I could use your help on.

All right. There's a man with missing last night.

His mother's really worried

says it's not like him at all.

Do you think maybe you could

meet with her and try to find out where he went last night?

Yeah, that'd be great.

I mean, I'm really sorry about her son, but. Yes.

Thank you so much for this opportunity.

Church basement, huh?

That's all I could come up with on short notice, you know.

You found something on Simon already?

Unfortunately, no.

He's got no history with the law,

and we have no idea where he went or who he was with.

And I'll be honest, at first her story sounded just like some overprotected

little old lady.

But after you called, I did some digging.

Similar cases?

Two in the neighboring counties in the last month.

Any similarities to Simon?

No, one was a guy in his 20s.

Another in his 50s.

I wouldn't say there are any similarities,

other than they both went out on a date and disappeared.

Any idea who they met?

Probably catfish as profiles were deleted shortly after,

and the names and photos were different for both.

Right.

Have you been able to track down who messaged Simon?

Not yet.

Sent out emails to their legal departments.

But you know how these things go.

Maybe a while before we know what service they were even using.

Right.

Well, how about tracking his phone?

Text, calls.

Send out a subpoena to his carrier this morning.

But you know how these things go.

I mean, it could take weeks. Right, right.

Could we maybe speed that up with a warrant?

Be tough to convince a judge of the urgency

based on just a couple of vaguely similar cases?

Besides, we don’t know what happened to these guys,

they could be out in Mexico drinking tequila.

For all we know.

Well, hey, thanks for your help on this one.

Yeah. No problem, Walter.

It’s good seeing you again.

Hey, you too Gwen.

Give my regards to Dan, all right?

Where's Walter?

He said he was coming by.

I'm his assistant.

But we really do understand how important your case is.

That's actually why he's talking to the police right now about Simon.

Now, can you tell me any other details

you may have forgotten to tell him earlier.

No.

Her name was Ana Marie.

From some dating app.

That's all I know.

And he took his phone with him?

Of course, he doesn't go anywhere without it.

Did he pack anything else?

Take anything else with him?

Maybe luggage?

No, nothing.

Are you trying to say he was trying to leave me?

I'm sorry, Gladys, I'm just asking questions, okay?

Listen, Simon and I were very close.

He's been my rock.

He's been everything since his father.

My husband passed away a couple months ago.

My Simon would never do this to me.

Maybe just for a couple of days?

And not answer his phone? No.

Did he take his charging cord with him?

Maybe he ran out of battery.

Monika, something is definitely wrong here.

I can feel it.

You don't know Simon the way I do.

Okay, okay, I understand.

We're going to do everything we can to find him.

Can you show me your phone?

I want to see if you have an app that might be linked to his.

And we can see where he's at.

Sure.

I don't have a smartphone.

I've just got old dumb phone that I use if I'm out and Simon needs to reach me.

Oh, well...

Are there any other devices here in the house?

Maybe a computer or an iPad?

Something that could be linked to his account.

Simon has one.

Is it here?

I think so.

Do you know the passcode?

It's one two, three, four.

I use it sometimes.

Excellent.

Okay, let me just double check something.

West Oak Street.

But if something did happen to him, it's better if Walter and I go there first.

I have to know what's going on.

Please, Gladys, just wait here

and I'll call you as soon as we find anything, okay?

I promise.

Walter, I got the address.

Can I meet you there?

Okay, I tell you.

Meet me at my office, and we'll go together.

Well, it's actually not that far from here.

I know, I know, but it's, safer for both of us

if we go together.

That's what I said.

Oh. Hello, everybody.

Welcome to episode 234 of Need 2 B Solved Mysteries.

I'm your host, Margaret Shelly.

This week, I've had a lot of my subscribers

emailing me about a potential serial killer.

People vanishing without a trace. Just six weeks ago.

One of them was found a body drained of all that's blood.

You might be wondering, why is this not bigger news?

My theory.

Something about these vanishing are freaking police

and investigators out so much that they don't want publicized.

It'll cause a nationwide panic.

Maybe we, shut this off.

Yeah. I don't know if I can listen to much more of this.

I wonder if it could be connected to our case, though.

Yeah, I can assure you

there was no national conspiracy to hide murders.

So, what got you interested in in solving crime?

You watch a lot of the X-Files growing up or something?

Yeah, the Scully effect.

But I've actually always really loved mysteries.

My parents left me at a fire station when I was a baby, so

I had these wild fantasies that my parents were, like,

international spies or the last Romanoffs or something like that.

And then I got into aliens.

Bigfoot, ancient civilizations.

You ever done a, DNA test?

Trying to find out who your parents are.

Yeah.

A few years ago, I was mostly European, Dutch, Romanian.

But I never got any relative matches.

Like, how does that even happen?

I was a really good judge in that address at Gladys’.

You have any problems talking to her?

It's really hard seeing people on the worst day of their life.

She's a stranger.

I mean, do I hug her?

Do I tell her it's going to be okay?

Well, that, that part doesn't get any easier.

You know, if you're uncomfortable with that, then.

Oh, no.

I can handle it.

Cool lions.

A bit creepy.

Oh, do you think this is an airbnb?

Looks like.

Hello?

Anyone home?

Simon?

For blood stains.

Good idea.

Do you think it's safe to split up?

I don't think there's anyone home.

Just, try to look for anything out of place.

It doesn't look very lived in.

Check the closets and drawers just in case.

Hey, Walter.

I found something.

It looks like a message in blood.

Follow your blood.

Is that a message to Simon or

the police.

I have no idea.

Put the knife down.

Put the gun down.

What are you doing here? Cleaning.

Are you the owner?

Yeah, and I rent it out.

Why didn't you say anything when we called out?

I was taking the trash out back.

What are you guys doing here?

We're private investigators.

A man went missing last night, and this is the last place he went.

Yeah, I had a renter here overnight.

We've already called the police, and they're on their way.

Look, just put the knife down, stop cleaning and stick around a while.

Yeah.

Do you know who your renter was last night?

Think the terms and conditions prohibit me from saying.

You want to wait outside?

Yes. The police will be in contact with you too soon.

I'm so sorry we didn't find Simon.

Thank you, Monica.

I'm just glad they're actually looking for him now.

You're welcome, Gladys.

I'll be in touch if we find anything new, OK?

I feel so unsettled.

I mean, a guy probably died there.

I'd be scared too.

It's more than that.

You can sleep with the lights on if you want.

So I didn't tell the police.

But that message in blood had my name.

I wiped it away before Walter could see what it said.

Monika, follow your blood.

Damn, that is creepy.

Like, How’d they even know that you'd be there.

I know, am I being followed?

Am I next?

God, I hope not.

What could it mean?

Follow my blood like my bloodline?

You never did find your birth parents, did you?

No. That was a dead end.

So what am I supposed to do?

Maybe it means follow your heart.

Some serial killers want to be caught.

Monika.

Monika.

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

Monika.

Come outside.

Sounds like a voice underwater.

That is the strangest thing.

Blurby blurby blurby

Devin, you are getting very tired.

Go to bed.

I'm so tired.

I really need to get to sleep.

But you didn't finish.

Monika... Come outside.

Why did you leave that message, my Countess?

How am I going to make sure your plan works out?

If you don't tell...

There is a reason why

all things are as they are.

My dear Colin.

But I'm the only person you can trust.

Come now. Come now.

Be merry.

I am.

You don't have to tell me everything.

Just tell me what I can do to help.

I have been too trusting of mortals in the past,

and I've come to regret it.

But the end of a long journey

is drawing near.

And once it is done,

I think I will disappear for a very long while.

But what about me?

What do you want, Colin?

To be like you.

Of course.

“I’ll See You in My Dreams” starts playing

Isn't it amazing?

How music can remind us of

such simpler times.

I'm sorry my Countess, but I don't know this one.

What's it from?

It’s from

a different time.

Different place.

A different people.

My dear Colin.

Yes, my Countess.

I'm hungry.

Yes, my Countess.

Hey, thanks for keeping us in the loop on this.

Well, Gladys took a shine to you guys.

We got the results back on the blood.

It was Simon's.

But no sign of his body.

No. So he might still be alive.

But after seeing these.

Starting to lose hope.

So we think this is connected to about 15 cases across the country.

They all share a few similarities.

Number one, all of the victims were men meeting a woman for a date.

Number two: Of the bodies that were found and most of them weren't.

Blood loss was the cause of death.

And number three, the same DNA in the form

of a long brown hair, was found at some of these crime scenes.

Even where Simon went missing.

Yep. Matches the others.

Yeah, but no links to a name.

No, but some of the hairs did have a follicle,

So we were able to determine that the suspect is female.

Well, well, it rules out the homeowner then.

The homeowner

is a Lindsay MacDonald, but she has short red hair.

No, no, no, we we met the homeowner.

He he's a big guy.

Wow. Oh, God.

Okay, when the cops arrived, was the homeowner still there?

You know, we gave our statements outside.

I assumed he was still inside, I don't know.

I'm sorry I dropped the ball on this one.

Shit.

Okay, well, you remember what he looks like, at least?

Ah, what... 6 foot something?

Kind of burly.

Yea, short dark hair, beard.

Ugh, this doesn’t help.

Okay. Wait.

I think he might have had a tattoo on his hand.

That's good.

Do you remember what it looks like?

I don't know.

I'm sorry. It was dark. It was across the hall.

You know,

some of these cases are 30, 40 years old.

It's not unheard of for a serial killer to be active for decades.

Okay, but a female serial killer.

I mean, that's incredibly rare, right?

And what she would be in her 60s now at the youngest, if not older.

I mean, how do these guys show up for a date,

see her, and not immediately want to turn away?

Wasn't Ana Marie supposed to be in her 20s?

She's got a point.

Maybe this other guy is helping her.

Okay, but, I mean, he was in his 30s at the most,

so that would mean he hasn't been in on it that long.

Okay,

just humor me on this.

Can you carbon date the hair?

Ugh, wait, no.

No, no. We would need a plausible reason.

I'm not saying it has to be supernatural,

but it defies logic that a 60 plus year old woman is playing the Black Widow game.

All right,

Hairs are going to be what... Max seven years old?

Even in an older person

You know that no one has the same hair as they had when they were a baby.

I know, but

what if it's a wig

and there is a message in the hair somehow?

Or it can clue us in on the age of the person or something?

Yeah, we can test based on the wig assumption.

It's a long shot, but I'll take what I can get.

I think the tattoo was a better lead, though,

So let me know if you remember what it looks like.

Oh, did those plants work out okay?

No, they all died.

I got to get more.

How's the job going? (phone rings)

Who’s that?

Dunno.

Robo call.

Anyway, the job is okay, I guess.

I'm working a case already, but it's extremely depressing.

Found the guy's blood.

He could be dead already.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

I thought it was going to be more like tracking down cheaters or something.

Yeah. Still, if we catch the perp or perps, it’ll be worth it.

Can you give me any details?

Do you believe in vampires?

Monika, seriously?

I'm just going to leave if you're going to be like that.

I'm serious. Even the cops think is a serial killer.

Then what? She's been killing for 40 years, luring in men like she's younger.

You have got to grow out of that stuff.

Stop treating me like a stupid child.

I didn't say you were stupid.

They have DNA evidence linking the murders,

and the bodies are drained of blood.

So vampires or not

someone is killing these men, and I'm going to find out who.

Well, look at you.

You somehow got involved with the most interesting case this town has ever seen.

It's official.

It's a vampire.

I have a source from inside the police department who tells me there's

been a femme fatale luring men to their deaths for a century now,

this immortal bloodsucker has been leaving a wake of bodies across the country.

And now she's got a confirmed kill just a few miles from where I'm recording.

I'm going to head over there tonight,

see if I can find any evidence that the police might have missed.

Don't worry, though, I have a garlic necklace on standby.

Don't worry, though, I have a garlic necklace on standby.

Turn that wretched girl off.

I thought you should know.

I do like the attention, but this might be a little too much.

Should I do something about her?

Yes.

Bring her to me.

What about Monika?

Is she who you think she is?

She has the same undeniable smell.

Should I get her too? No.

I have other ways to bring her to me.

Don't you worry.

I just want to protect you.

I don't need your protection.

Just be a good little servant.

Bring me Margaret Shelly.

As you can see, the police have it locked up tight,

and I looked in the windows and the place looks deserted.

No family photos, no knickknacks. Seem kind of bare bone decor

you would expect from a non-human trying to be human.

Which leaves the question.

Why did Simon come to this evil place?

In the next episode, I'm going to track down his mom

still living in their local home.

Hey, you're not going to believe this.

Yea, your assistant’s hunch?

I got the carbon dating back on that hair.

It's almost 600 years old.

I don't know how she.

Oh, it's that guy with the tattoos at the mansion call it in for me.

I will see you at the next one. Bye!

Hey, you! Hands up!

Stop!

Stop!

Oh, shit!

Do we have to start so early?

Early bird gets the worm.

Early birders get to see the birds.

Red bellied woodpecker.

Good find.

Their little red bellies are so cute.

Yeah, well.

And surprisingly hard to spot.

Did we get lost out here once?

I have a vague memory, but I wasn't sure if I dreamed it.

Yeah, that definitely happened. I think it was like fifth grade.

Were we still looking for Bigfoot?

No. I think we watched the Blair Witch Project

and thought we could make our own found footage video.

Oh, yeah.

Do you still have those tapes?

Yeah, but

they were so boring.

I recorded Lost over them.

Oh, Cardinal. Big tree.

(phone ringing)

Damnit, Monika you're supposed to have that on silent.

I'm sorry.

It's Walter. I have to take it.

Hey, Walter.

Monika.

Yeah.

You know, officer Gwen Scott on

Simon's case.

Yeah, yeah.

She was...

she was killed last night.

Not too far from where Simon went missing.

Well, there's more.

All right.

They got the test results, and and the hair's almost

600 years old.

Well, that's that's.

I know, crazy. Yeah, I know.

You know, she said she

spotted the guy with the tattoos and just hung up.

Apparently, she chased him into the woods behind the house and

he drained her.

Broke her neck, and he bled her dry.

You know, but

this is not the worst part.

He...

He used her blood,

He wrote on her windshield.

Monika.

Soon.

No, no.

Oh my God.

Look, you need to stay safe, Okay?

Don't go anywhere alone.

Do you have someone you can stay with?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, good. Look.

Call Officer Dan Pruitt at the station.

Tell him you're Monika

And let him know where you're staying so that they can keep an eye on you.

Okay. Yeah.

Stay safe, all right?

What is it?

Hey, what's going on?

I think I'm next.

Whatever this is, I'm here for you.

He said the police are going to watch over us now.

I don't know what to do.

I mean,

what if it's a real vampire?

Come on, let's get you up.

Hey, did I tell you about lore group?

There's a meeting tonight, and I was going to go.

Come with me.

Okay.

He said I shouldn't be alone.

It’ll be fun.

And maybe they can help.

They’re like a paranormal investigation group.

Sometimes we do haunted houses.

Sometimes we just talk about weird stuff that's happened to us.

If nothing else, you can use it as talk therapy.

Okay.

The hell?

Are those bats at dawn?

Never seen them out here before.

(general chatter)

There!

Did anybody hear that?

Is it saying animal baths?

No, but I'll play it again.

(general chatter)

Oh, I heard something!

Right! It says “Help me rest”.

Right?

Did you get permission from the family to record at the funeral?

I was standing right next to the casket.

I wasn't trying to record living people.

Don't you think it's a little disrespectful

to use someone else's tragedy for your club?

I mean, did you know the kid?

The whole purpose of this group is to explore the unknown.

And a lot of people are closed off to possibilities.

So it's not always

possible to rely on permission from the general public.

Well, I didn't hear anything.

Do you want me to play it again?

Oh, no. That's okay.

But, I would like to schedule a seance

at the accident site on the next full moon at midnight.

That should be this coming Saturday.

Who wants to join me?

(phone rings)

Okay.

Add that to the minutes.

Next thing on the agenda,

There's a haunted house.

That I would like to investigate.

No one's known to have died there.

But the owner says every night

at 2 a.m., she wakes up

and she has difficulty falling asleep again.

I think it could be a succubus

or some other kind of sleep demon.

Yes!

Do you guys ever investigate vampires?

Vampires

again?

She needs our help on this.

Every five years, there's a new hit vampire franchise.

And you people never stick around for more than a month.

I don't care about the movie ones.

I think there's a real one in town.

Like real, real?

Vampires are stupid.

They don't make any sense.

Nobody else has that many superpowers.

What does drinking blood have to do with telekinesis and flying?

Hye, I know vampires are real, and I have every tool and weapon

imaginable to fight and kill those bloodsuckers.

Wooden stakes.

Holy water.

Silver!

Silver's for werewolves.

Common misconception.

No. Silver's powerful.

Silver's for a lot of things.

Vampires.

Shapeshifters.

Fairies. Even demigods.

I don't think that you should keep mentioning the demigods.

It might offend someone.

Guys, please.

I need your help on this.

A local guy, Simon, went missing.

Everything points to it being a vampire.

Well, if vampires

ever really existed.

Dracula's dead.

So all of his little vampire progenies.

Will all be dead, too.

It's probably just some rando who thinks they're a vampire.

So they're killing people and doing weird blood shit.

So you don't investigate serial killers?

No. There's another meet up group for that.

Okay. Just hear me out.

If I wanted to kill a vampire, how would I do it?

Stake through the heart?

No, no, we

don't kill anything here.

We investigate.

Devin, I don't think your friend here really understands what we're about.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

I'm sorry.

I got what you need.

Van the Man. Call me. back to business.

Back to business.

Haunted house.

Dince we're going to be doing the seance on Saturday,

I would like to, set up cameras and equipment on Friday night.

Record the bedroom overnight.

(notification sound)

Shit.

Hey, is everything okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

You know that podcaster, Margaret Shelly?

She just posted that she's doing a special podcast tonight.

All about her encounter with the tattooed vampire.

Is there any way the police can send someone out to keep an eye on her?

I don't know what I can ask, but, probably not.

That's what I thought.

And, you don't know our number at all.

Or how to reach your.

I mean, I think I could email her, but she might not take me seriously or

check it in time.

Don't go out.

Okay? You're the one whose name was in blood.

I know, but someone has to order.

Hey, you ruined my shot.

We need to talk.

Wait. Your Monika.

How do you know who I am?

I have a police scanner, and I've been doing my own investigative work.

Then you know, vampire or not, there is a real killer out there.

Yeah, and I know that you're next.

So where do you live?

I have been searching up your address, but,

This isn't a freaking game, Margaret.

I know that. I feel horrible.

So awful for you.

But there's nothing I can do to stop a serial killer or a vampire.

So why not just let me get some content out of it?

I came here to help you.

But if you're going to be like this... How did you find me?

You don't scrub your metadata before posting.

Touche.

Whatever big news you think you have, just hold off for now.

Just until they catch the killer or killers.

So you think there's more than one?

What I think is that if you keep drawing attention to yourself,

they might choose to focus on you instead of me.

And I don't think you have a police detail to protect you.

Look, And thank you for the warning,

but this is my only opportunity I've ever gotten to get famous.

I could go national or get my own TV show,

and it's obvious that the guy already knows who I am.

So I'll be careful and I'll scrub my metadata or whatever.

But I'm not going to stop posting or broadcasting.

Just until they catch them.

No, no,

but I could interview you if you want.

It'll be fun.

Well,

I tried.

(scream)

Please, please, please don't kill me.

I can make you famous.

Everybody loves serial killers, right?

You think I need to be famous?

I mean, you're not exactly what I was picturing, but.

But you're. But you're great.

I mean, don't get me wrong, everybody will eat you up

When they call me the blood sucker.

So you are a team player.

I am THE vampire.

Tell me, Margaret,

what was this big news you were going to break tonight?

It's mostly about the big guys tattoo.

Your news is very important to me.

It's very important that I know.

What were you going to tell your followers?

Who's going to describe his tattoo?

It's going to be my big break.

This is your big break Margaret.

There was no one at the house last night.

No one should be worried No one should be concerned.

There is no vampire

sweeping across the country.

No not at all.

Dracula is just a fairy tale.

That's right.

Hello, my dear followers.

First, if you haven't already, hit that subscribe

button below so that you don't miss out on any of my updates.

Now, as promised, the big announcement.

You are all safe.

There is nothing to be concerned about.

All the reports about a vampire have been deemed falsified.

I'm sure the missing man will turn up soon.

Hey. Hey, Walter, did you catch Margaret's video?

What?

No, I don't know.

I mean, she was, like, off or something.

Do you think you can convince the police to do a wellness check on her?

Oh. All right,

look, I can try, but you stay in, though, okay?

I will, but I'm not happy about it.

Just hang tight for a couple of days and I'll keep you in the loop.

Okay.

(music playing in headphones)

Oh, shit.

Hi. I'm Monika, Walter's new assistant.

THE Monika.

Shouldn't you be at home?

Well, you know, I can identify

if she's here.

Most of these are unrecognizable, but,

We do have one.

Are you ready?

It's not pretty.

That's Margaret Shelly.

That's her.

I tried to warn her.

Colin, what have you done?

I was sloppy, my countess.

I'm so sorry.

What is it?

There was someone out in the woods, and I tried to catch her, and

she got away.

Did she find the bodies?

Yeah. And she told the police.

Mere days away.

I'm sorry.

I'm just so stupid.

I'm sorry.

This may become too big for me to handle easily.

Especially now with Monika.

I'm going to have to have you turn yourself in.

Turn myself in.

But who's should take care of you?

I'll be fine.

Especially once this is done.

You tell them that it was all you.

But they’ll put me away for decades.

Do it

and deliver a message for me.

Of course I’d do anything for you.

But, Countess, I thought if I..

I could.

What exactly do you want?

To be like you.

Not yet.

After all,

you wouldn't do well in prison once you're like me.

I'd be so old if I get out.

And if I get released.

I will grant you strength.

Youth. Long life.

Then after all this is done.

And time has passed.

I will find you.

And I will give you all that you want.

Yes, my countess.

I'll be your servant always, now

and forever.

Good.

Monika.

Why aren't you at Devin's?

Monika.

(inaudible chanting)

Monika.

(phone ringing)

This is Monika.

Hold on.

What?

He just turned himself in.

Admitted everything, but,

He said he had one more to confess to.

Only to you.

How old is he?

His ID said he's 25. Why?

Well, then he can't be the killer.

The hair is from a woman.

And the murders... Were from 600 year old woman?

No, it's most likely from a wig or something.

Like you thought.

Okay, but some of the murders were from 30 or 40 years ago.

He confessed to all the ones we dug up.

The hikers got a video of them.

And you saw him yourself at the house?

The link to the older cases was weak.

Anyway.

Just.

Just get the last victim out of him.

(phone ringing)

Look, you don't have to talk to him.

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't.

Guy freaks me out.

But if there's one more

No, I’ll do it.

Three little bats hang upside down.

Two are smiling.

One wears a frown.

Why are you frowning?

Sweet little bat?

Cause I can't don my stetsons hat.

Oh, sweet little bat.

Whatever will you do?

I'll stand up like the humans to.

You're not her.

No, but I'll be like her eventually.

So she's a vampire, right?

What are you, her slave?

I prefer the term familiar.

Who is your master?

Countess Elizabeth.

You'll be meeting her soon enough.

And if I say no?

Walter wouldn't be happy if you refused.

(phone ringing)

Why, Walter, what did you do?

It's always been for you, Monika.

It's always been for you.

What does she want from me?

She didn't tell me.

It's her little secret.

Why are you helping her?

She left you here to rot.

She gave me a little already, and she'll give me

the rest eventually.

Idiot. She fed off you, and that's it.

She used you, and now you're going to die in prison.

(phone ringing)

Where's Walter? Is he alive?

You'll be meeting her tonight at eight.

Where?

I get broken down, but then reborn.

I trade my legs in so I can fly.

What am I?

(laughing maniacally)

Hey. What's up?

Everything has gone wrong.

Are you at work?

Yeah.

Do you need me to take off?

No, no. It's okay.

I'll go visit Kelly in a little bit and we'll talk later, okay?

She'd really appreciate that.

Just text me if you need me, okay?

Okay.

I’m sorry I didn't see Paul and anyone before they left.

They'll be home at dinner if you want to join us.

No, thank you, but I've got plans tonight.

I'm sorry about the other day.

I still have trouble seeing you as an independent adult.

And that's on me.

They adopted you just after I graduated.

It kind of felt like they weren't happy with the way I turned out.

Like they wanted a second chance with a new kid.

No way.

You're their real daughter.

They loved you way more.

No, I don't think so.

Come on.

They were always like.

Well, when Kelly was your age.

I guess I never really thought about what it was like for you.

I treated you like this awful little homewrecker, and you were just a kid.

Yeah, well,

when you went to college, I did kind of massacre your Barbie collection.

Don't worry about it.

Do you remember what mom used to do when you're being a little hellspawn?

No.

You had this little bug box, remember?

And she'll make you go out back and catch as many bugs as you could.

Okay. I remember the fireflies.

Yeah.

You catch so many, they could hardly move.

God, that sounds so morbid, now.

Right.

And then you didn't want to let them out.

But we told you they do remember you and respect you.

But they have to be free again.

That sounds like a great way to waste a little kids time.

Well, it taught you to be gentle and all that running around

calms you down for the night.

Yeah, well, now I just use wine.

Hey, put those problems in a box and toss them away.

I don't think that's going to help this time.

Do you want to talk about it?

Butterfly.

What's that?

That's actually the answer to a riddle.

Are there any butterfly locations

or, like, a butterfly house around here or something?

There's the butterfly club downtown.

What's that? Just a nightclub.

Not my scene.

But that's the only butterfly place I know of.

What the hell?

You never pick up your phone.

The unknown numbers?

I thought those were robo calls.

Not a goddamn vampire.

The one you were worried about is the Countess Elizabeth.

My name is Lorelai.

And you just...

teleported me here?

We don't have much time.

I will not hurt you.

In fact, I'm very much on your side against Elizabeth.

Have you heard of Scholamance?

No. Why?

Centuries ago, in the Romanian mountains, they found an artifact.

It could imbue its users with immense power in the dark arts.

They built a school of sorts around it.

Elizabeth and her brother were two of the best pupils.

Who's her brother?

Colin?

No, my dear.

(ancient chanting)

What is that?

The only recording from Scholomance.

Did he just say Dracula?

Yes.

Vlad and Elizabeth.

And now they want to kill me.

Vlad’s been dead for 100 years.

It's Elizabeth. You need to worry about now.

She's attempting the most evil of magics.

Necromancy.

Forbidden, even at Scholomance.

She must not be allowed to succeed.

It is up to you and you alone to destroy her.

Look at me.

The only thing I've ever destroyed is a pint of ice cream.

This weakens the artifacts magic in her so you can kill her.

Get her to drink it or get it under her skin somehow.

You must prevent her from casting the spell by any means.

But how am I?

Listen!

If you don't kill her, then you must die.

She cannot be allowed to complete the spell.

You're meeting this vampire bitch alone?

Are you crazy?

I told you to text me

if you needed me. I think she just wants to talk.

It's a public place. It's full of people.

Can't the police handle it now?

Well, I tried to get them to come out,

but Officer Dan still thinks Colin killed everybody.

What about Van the Man?

I am not bringing wooden stakes and silver bullets to a nightclub.

I still don't like this.

If you die tonight, I'm going to kill you.

(Burlesque Jazz music plays)

Monika.

Wasn't that great?

Ahhh, burlesque

using the body to hypnotize

has barely changed in 100 year

superhuman power.

One would think.

Please sit.

Where's Walter?

We'll get to that later.

Would you like some wine?

Finger food?

No. Just get to the point.

My special reserve.

Has Lorelai met with you yet?

I'll take that as a yes.

What did she do?

Tell you to pour something in my drink?

She told me I have to stop you.

And have you done what I told you to do?

What?

Follow your blood.

Do you mean my bloodline?

I don't know who my birth parents are.

And I and I did a DNA test, but I never got a relative match.

I thought you were smarter than that.

Well, I guess not.

Where's Walter?

What fire station were you found at?

What city?

Williamsburg.

If you had done your research, you would have discovered

that a young couple went missing the same week you were found.

They lived just south of

there, and they fled north through Williamsburg.

But I caught up with them in South Bend.

They did find the vehicle, but

they never found the bodies.

I'm disappointed in you, Monika.

I thought you were becoming quite the little detective.

You killed my parents?

But I let you live.

And I've been keeping my eye on you.

You and Devin.

Little budding witches

trying to summon a demon over a campfire.

You remind me so much of myself.

You want to turn me?

Wouldn't that be something?

But no.

Tomorrow marks the 100th anniversary

of my brother's death.

So I have spent the last century

hunting down and killing every last

one of the Van Helsings.

Everyone

except you.

I actually liked you.

But then.

I found

a different kind of magic.

One that would bring him back.

Unfortunately for you.

I'm going to need the blood of the one who killed him.

Oh, no. No.

Maybe not all of your blood.

But we won't know until we try.

I'll give you a day to put your life in order.

Say your goodbyes.

Sign paperwork.

Yadda yadda, etc., etc..

What if I run away? And you.

You miss the anniversary?

Then I'll start with Walter,

and I'll make sure that he knows it was you before I torture him.

And then I'll move on to Devin.

And your sister Kelly, is it?

Oh, and her little girl, Emma.

And then, of course, Paul.

Because he'd be so distraught to find his family murdered, it'd be a

blessing to end his life.

Your mind is racing.

Yes. You could call the police.

Oh, the fun we could have with them.

I could have them

shoot themselves or shoot each other.

Or I could line them up in a little row.

Stop!

I thought you were better than this.

You'll have the stench of your ancestors.

The smell of fear.

It makes me sick.

Meet me tomorrow night

at sunset.

Follow the bats.

If you don't, everyone you love will die.

Cursing your name.

Welcome to the shop.

All right.

I have these sets All put together for the amateur vampire hunter.

Has everything you need.

It's a two on one deal.

The crucifix is on the garlic necklace.

A wooden stake.

Tried and true.

Straight to the heart.

This kit comes with one.

But, if you need extras, I can sell you some extra on the side.

Okay, well,

now, form of that stuff.

Good luck with the vampire.

And, make sure you don't kill any real humans.

And if you do, you never met me.

This was really good, Kelly.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thanks for coming over.

It's getting late.

I really have to get going.

Do you want to come back again tomorrow?

We can get out the old board games.

I would really love that.

We'll see, okay?

Couldn't have just looked up into the sky?

Well, I wanted to be extra sure.

Walter's life is on the line.

Maybe right up here.

You know, I don't know why she had to be so vague.

Because if I don't show up, she can't resurrect her brother, right?

Well if we knew where she was

earlier, we could have gotten staked her during the daylight.

Yeah. Good point. Oh, right. Right.

(Bat detector sounds increasing)

Hey, I think I can see them now.

Look.

That's quite the fashion statement.

Yes, it will be on all the runways this fall.

We should stop at Rocco's after.

I'm hungry for garlic bread now.

If there is an after.

I'm sorry.

You know, I am a Van Helsing after all.

So maybe my superpowers will kick in just in time.

You sure you don't want me to go in with you?

No, she said she was going to kill you first if I don't cooperate.

Please, just stay out here and lock the doors.

Okay?

Oh, I've got one more thing for you.

Oh my gosh.

We did so many Barbie sacrifices with this knife.

You can give it back to me after tonight.

We put a lot of good memories and vibes in it.

And you need all the luck you can get.

You are the best, Devin.

Seriously?

And you're a real bad bitch.

Where's Walter?

Very close.

Alive?

Yeah.

So tacky.

But I shouldn't be too harsh after all.

You never had a mother around to teach you fashion.

I'm here.

Let him go.

Your blood first.

Into the circle.

You go.

You're not going to try to kill me.

Ugh, Monika.

When have I ever tried to kill?

Okay.

But, please.

Enter the circle.

So as long as I'm not in the circle,

you won't kill me.

You stupid girl.

You are testing my patience, child.

This didn't have to be painful.

You'll die either way, Monika.

The question is, how many of your loved ones will die with you?

She hasn't drained me yet.

She said she was going to let me go if you cooperated.

Did you?

No! She wants to sacrifice me.

No, no no, no, she only needs a bit of your blood.

I think you should do it.

No, I’m not gonna let her.

You couldn't do it the easy way, could you?

She wasn't even going to kill you.

Where's the real Walter?

I got hungry.

It's a funny story.

The whole time he thought I was you.

Kept saying, Monika, why are you doing this?

Monika?

I thought of you like a daughter.

Monika. Stop!

You're hurting me!

I'll tell you a little secret about my brother.

I was always the smarter one.

The stronger one.

Ha! You're worried.

I’ll bring him back to destroy this world.

But I could have done that myself years ago.

But he’s family.

And everyone needs someone. Right, Monika?

I know you felt alone all of your life,

but I can show just how lonely it can be.

Come out now.

Or I'll go get a little late night snack instead.

Shut up!

Stop your squealing and let's be done with it.

Your weapons can't harm me.

I'm not in the circle.

No!

What have you done?!

You ruined it!

What’s in your blood?

I have no idea.

(coughing violently)

Devin. Get down here, quick!

Bring the box!

Look, I know I promised I wouldn't do anything

until you got out of the hospital.

But please, let me burn it. No.

No. She's my responsibility.

There's a crematorium nearby.

We can say that it's just a dead pet.

And we can have it burnt to a crisp. No.

No.

Why not?

I don't know.

I just can't do it yet.

I don't want this in my house.

Figure out what to do with it.

I've started this journal just in case.

Devin.

I know we have never kept secrets from each other.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I can't kill her.

She's evil.

She killed my parents, Walter.

Probably hundreds more.

Yet I can't bring myself

to just burn this damn box.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm trying to put my life back together.

I'm really, really trying.

But I don't feel like myself anymore.

I'm not sleeping much.

And when I do, it's only nightmares.

I hope someday

when things get back to normal, we can talk about this.

And it's strange to say. But

I'm not lonely when she's around.

I am not even sure if these are my own thoughts.

I feel like a stranger in my own body.

I'm going to try to do the right thing.

Forgive me if I fail.

Hey, put those problems

in a box and toss them away.

I don't think that's going to help this time.

Oh, wait.

Oh, it latched right as he touched it.

Okay. Sorry.

Okay.

Wait. Sorry. It's okay. Hold on a second.

I got to do this in a way that doesn't latch when you touch it.

Oh, my gosh, why is that happening?

I'm. Do you know

You know how many times I waited for that gag to work?

I ate the whole thing.

Do you want to get that for real?

I think that’s fine.

Worse comes to worse, we use it.