Original subtitles

(shower running )

You'll be happy to know it was a complete disaster.

Wait, why are you dry?

Why wouldn't I be dry?

Were you just in the shower?

No.

- Who's in the shower? - Who's in the shower?

First of the month, ladies.

- Oh, no. - Man.

(horn honking)

Why is it so dark in here?

- Hey, we'll this is obviously short. - How much is in there?

I don't know.

Did you guys pay the electric bill?

Um, I'm sorry. We're choosing not to have electricity.

It's a housing violation.

We don't want to be a part of the problem, Bob.

You have to pay it.

There's no law that says you have to blow up mountains and frack.

This is $500 short. This is the third month in a row.

All right? That's a full month's rent.

I'm trying to turn a profit here.

Apparently, I'm your friend.

You haven't even returned my last four Evites.

Well, we don't have electricity, so...

Not okay.

It's just not okay. Turn your back.

I've been working with my energy healer, Steven...

and we have decided that I can no longer be an enabler anymore.

Call, we'll show up to your party.

I have called you, all right?

I've left messages and you have not returned my call.

There are a lot of people who are interested

in illegal sublets, a lot.

There is a lawyer at my gym who really wants this.

Do they not have a shower at your gym?

Okay, I can't do this anymore.

I can't be supporting you girls.

We're done. We're done.

Pay me what you owe me or you're out

by the end of the month.

You know what I want to know?

Why was this never an issue when we were together?

- You keep mouthing off... - You keep mouthing off.

Don't do what you're doing.

- Just a little fa... - Have some integrity.

Uh, you have integrity, Bob.

- That's not... - Bob.

Twenty days and I mean it.

Okay, you're gone. I can't do this.

Steve told me.

What did Steve tell you?

- Steve said... he said, cut. - No!

- Cut, stop it. Let go. - No.

Ridiculous. I got to cut the cord.

- Bob, more than one month. - That's it.

You mouth off any more, I'm making it 15 days.

( Door shuts )

(pilot light clicking)

Woman: I'm going out. Are you hungry?

No, I don't need anything.

Just bring me an apple.

(woman shouting )

You see these fruits? It's disgusting.

In my country, the fruit was small.

Americans, they need to relax, but they can't

because their fruit is too aggressive.

- Huh. - It's true.

Nicole? Nicole, we have a notice.

What do I got to notice?

- This is important. - This is important!

Man: Shut the fuck up!

Take the gas mask off and just come up here!

Not coming to you, you come to me.

Fine! I'm gonna jump off the fire escape.

Nicole: Shut up! You wouldn't.

I'm throwing myself over the railing!

Just tell me what you want!

We're being evicted!

Man: Good!

Please, no hydro fluorocarbons in the house.

We paid most of his rent.

I touched this disgusting doorknob outside and my hand's gone gimpy.

I have to wash it.

( Cat meows )

The cat is going in my bedroom!

No! No, no, no, no, no!

Oh, God!

Try to speak to him more diplomatically.

Oh, God.

Olivia, you know how allergic I am.

( Meows )

Look how he looks at me!

Do you see the looks that he gives me?

You see the worst in people!

( Groans ) You don't know your own cat!

I told you to just keep it out of my room.

Over there!

I can control him no more than I can control the wind.

And there's a very large chance I may have an audition today.

So I'd really appreciate it if you would just

take it down a notch and not try to throw me off my game so much

- 'cause I really need to be centered. - Go! Go! Go!

I'm not having this conversation with you anymore!

This is not an apple.

No.

I need a drink.

What are you..

You just drank mouthwash?

Ooh.

- ( Pilot light clicking) - What is that?

I spilled.

Is this thing clicking?

I don't know. Maybe it's the stove.

Olivia!

Eww.

Olivia: Why worms, why?

Where are you going, worms?

What is up there?

- Oh, God! - What is down here?

- What do we do with the... - It's cheese.

I told you we shouldn't vermicompost.

Olivia, please stop with the chopsticks, please.

Stop-please stop feeding them cheese.

They're lactose intolerant.

We can't treat them like this.

- This is a... - Let go of this.

We're going for a walk.

It's gonna be so nice out there. Come on.

That lamp would be perfect.

No, we don't have electricity.

- You're daring me. - No, I'm not.

- I hate it when you do this, Olivia. - I'm not daring you.

I'm not daring you. I do not want you to do this.

- Yes, you are. - Get off the step.

You do not take lamps from people's homes.

You can't do that.

Why are you always doing things like this?

Stop it, you're gonna break something.

Do not climb over there. That is dangerous.

Stop it. Stop it, stop it.

Shh.

- Got caught! - What?

Oh, God.

( Tires screech )

(phone rings)

Hey.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Yeah.

Okay, I can do that.

All right. Thank you, I'll be there.

Bye.

Got an audition.

What for?

Life insurance.

Oh.

- What? - You don't want to do that.

You don't want to be part of the problem.

I'm not.

Somebody needs to support us.

We need a benefactor.

- What about your parents? - No.

Why don't you sell one of your pieces then?

- I told you, they're not done yet. - Fine.

I'm getting muffins. Do you want one?

The usual, if they have it, and if not, blueberry.

( Door opens )

Olivia: Well, I didn't book that job, either.

What are we gonna do?

Nicole: I don't know.

Olivia: Okay. Here's just an idea.

Why don't you ask your parents for more money?

I told you I've been totally cut off.

Are they still your parents?

What kind of question is that?

It's just you're adopted and they have so much money...

- I know I'm adopted. - And if they've cut you off...

- I don't know. I'm sorry. - Listen, they're also...

they're petitioning to cut a lot of things!

They're trying to cut... they're trying to cut public radio! It's...

Okay, just take a... take a few deep breaths.

(exhales) I think I'm just hungry.

We haven't eaten today.

I forgot the muffins.

Wait. Okay, I have a plan.

We're... we're on a cleanse right now.

We've already begun it. You see what I'm saying?

Sort of.

Okay. We have not eaten today.

This is good.

- Wait, how does this work? - We're cleansing.

We're just... our pores are just gonna start letting stuff go when we...

It sounds very affordable.

I have no better ideas. I think we should do this.

I'm very willing to try anything you suggest right now

because I'm so starving.

Bob left a juicer here. I think it's in the hall closet.

Yeah, see if it's still there.

It's here!

Oh, it's heavy.

You know, I'm sorry about what I said about your parents.

Olivia.

What?

Is he stuck?

Seagull, are you sleeping?

No. Oh, my God.

- I know. - (crying )

It's okay, it's okay.

The Japanese, they call moments like this "mono no aware."

Why are you talking about Japanese people?

Well, it's ephemerality and that's a beautiful thing.

Ephemerality sucks.

Oh, Seagull. Seagull.

Do you see that?

What?

There's gold in his mouth.

It's like all the stuff on your hands.

- Why is he covered in gold?! - Olivia!

I've always known you were selfish,

- but I never thought you would... - I didn't!

Hate an animal and kill with it with your own bare, golden hands!

- I loved the cat! - You loved the cat?

I didn't hate the cat. I wouldn't kill.

You were jealous of the pure love that he had for me.

Sorry, I don't... it..

He is Seagull and he's right here.

He's right here and I loved him.

Could you please call the vet?

Because I think they'll be able to tell us what to do.

$150 is absurd for a cremation.

(whimpers)

This doesn't feel right.

You're just socialized to feel like this.

When I was in India,

this is how they honor the dead.

You free human souls on the funeral pyre.

And if it's good enough for people...

(coughing)

(coughing)

(police siren chirping)

I want to get out of this city.

I just could use a break, you know?

I can't be here.

Not in the apartment.

Actually...

my dad has a private jet,

his company, that he's never on.

And, Frank the pilot, he loves me.

There's a private jet we could use to get away?

Yeah.

You really think this is an option?

Check this out.

This is crazy. It's a sign.

- What is that? - That's literally a sign.

"'That Special Something.' Do you have a special talent?"

No, no. This is my Aunt Kimberly's show.

I found this today.

It's a reality talent show and she lives in LA

and she's always saying to come anytime.

Let's take a vacation.

I think Seagull would've wanted this.

Help us to have a great weekend in Los Angeles.

Can I wear your shirt that you're wearing?

- You want to wear this? - It's really pretty.

Man: Show time, folks. Show time, folks.

The time is show time.

One time for you.

Hey, hey!

Hey!

Yeah!

Watch him.

Watch him! Watch him!

( Applause )

Ladies and gentlemen, that was our show.

New York City, where's the love?

(bell rings)

What are you doing?

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

I've never done this before, but, um,

those dancers were really great

and I just feel really inspired right now.

I just wanted to talk to you because, well,

Eleanor Roosevelt said do something every day that terrifies you.

And, um, I think you're all really brave.

And a lot of you look like you're coming home

from work right now.

I just want you to know you're doing a really good job.

And I don't know if anybody's told you that,

but they should because...

I just lost someone really, um, important to me.

He was one of my best friends

and it makes me realize how precious everything is.

And, um...

do I seem weird right now?

In conclusion, um, well, I...

I wanted you to know that I think the world

wants you to be happy.

And if you're not feeling happy,

just hold your heart

and feel that you love yourself.

And, um...

yeah, that's all I wanted to say.

Thank you.

Thank you.

♪ Now everybody wants to go to California... ♪

( Sobbing )

♪ To live their life on a sunny day ♪

♪ Dreaming of someone else's kids and wife ♪

♪ But they'll be bringing you the same old strife ♪

♪ Everybody wants to go to Japan ♪

♪ Everybody wants to go to Japan ♪

♪ Everybody wants to go to Japan ♪

♪ Everybody, just hold hands. ♪

Oh, I guess I left the phone on during the flight.

How are we gonna get to Kimberly's if we can't call her?

Are you listening to me?

Just feeling really sad about Seagull.

Uh-huh.

I can't believe he was alive yesterday.

- Olivia... - Just feeling my feelings.

I know, but you cried, like, the entire flight.

That's a six-hour flight. That was six hours.

Can we focus right now and just figure out how to get to Kimberly's?

Isn't she picking us up?

I'm sure she would if we could call her.

Did you tell her we're coming?

She said, like, come anytime so I just figured when...

Do you have money for a taxi?

I have $4.

Sir, uh, do you mind if we borrow your phone?

Sure, no problem. What do you need?

Can't get the number off this phone. Never mind.

Do you need a ride?

That's okay.

You two look like nice people.

I mean, if you know the address and you want a ride,

I'll just drive you wherever you're going.

Where you going?

521 Waverly.

Yeah, come on. Get in.

He's a stranger, Olivia.

He wants to help us. It's a sign.

Not everything is a sign from the universe.

It's all we have left now. We have to have faith.

We have to start trusting.

Man: I'll bring it, but Debbie's gonna bring it.

There are gonna be two footballs!

No, no, no, no!

Fine! ( Laughs )

You are a turkey!

You're a friggin' turkey. T-U-R-K-E-Y.

You're a... we'll talk about this later, Jesus Christ.

Oh, wow. I'm sorry. That was my mom.

- Ugh. - Really?

Where are you guys from?

New York City.

Oh, I love New York.

I live there. That's where I live.

- It's amazing. - That's where I'm from.

- It's a really small world. - It's tiny.

Oh, my God.

I don't think my mom is gonna let me go back, though.

- And that sucks. - That's too bad.

- I know. - Nicole: Why?

She's got something in her butt.

Well, you're a grown man.

I... yeah, I'm a grown man,

but I have a mommy still and I listen to her.

I listen to what she says.

- That's really sweet of you. - Yeah, no, I know.

- You're a good son. - I do what she wants.

She's a powerful lady and she will spank me.

She will spank me hard. ( laughs )

She's getting older, but she packs it, you know.

- Serious? - Why?

- What? - I'm just kidding.

It's a friggin' joke!

Man: You got a sense of humor.

Are you feeling okay?

Yeah! Are you okay?

Are you okay? Is she okay?

- Am I okay? - Yeah. Are you okay?

You're just like my mom.

You got something in your butt

and it's not something that makes you happy.

- What is that? - It's cyanide.

- Um... - ( Laughing)

I'm kidding. It's a joke.

It's an Adderall.

I take Adderall.

- You do? - Yeah, I do.

It's good stuff, right?

Is yours, like, prescribed or street?

It's prescribed.

Yeah, I got a doctor on this shit.

- ( Car honks) - Uh, that was a red light.

Oh, oh! (Laughs)

I missed it.

I'm an adult and I know when it's safe

to go through a frickin' red. Jesus Christ.

Sometimes I'll stop at a green, okay?

Oh, my God. I want some candy.

But is it too late for candy? Is it too late for candy?

I'm asking you a question.

Actually, you know what? Can you just pull over?

No. No, no, no.

Door to door service for you guys.

- It's fine. - Seriously, we're so close.

I'm even going to carry your baggage.

- Uh, it's on... - I'm a gentleman.

Can you just pull over, please, sir, just here?

You said the address was 521 Waverly

and that is where this car is going.

I am your knight in shining armor.

Onward, miladies.

Jesus, you guys are fucking pains in the ass.

I'm gonna close my eyes for one second.

Tell me when it turns green.

You have impeccable decision-making skills, Olivia.

(doorbell rings)

Hello?

Kimberly?

Who in the...

( laughs )

Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

Hi. I came for a visit.

Well, I'm delighted, but what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be at the lake with your family.

Lake? What?

- Hello. - Hi.

- Hi. - Are they there right now?

Well, I thought that they were going there.

- No? - What?

Yes, your mom and dad and Joan and the ki...

Oh.

Now, don't get upset about it.

I'm sure it was just a last minute

kind of a nothing, who cares, right?

No, Joan and the kids are there.

Who cares? You're here, both of you.

And we are going to have so much fun.

- Oh. - Who's your friend?

- Olivia. - Oliv... what?

No! Come in here. Come in here.

Oh, well, I haven't seen you since you were

just a tiny little tater tot.

Yeah, back when we were Girl Scouts.

- Are you girls hungry? - I'm starving.

We're not eating. We're on a cleanse.

Still?

Everyone, this is my niece Nicole

and our wonderful friend Olivia.

Olivia, Nicole, these are our neighbors, Ray and Cindy.

Hi.

And, of course, you remember Uncle Robert.

Let me get these nice big wine glasses.

Sorry to interrupt your dinner.

Oh, no. Don't be silly.

Sit down here. I want you right by me, Olivia.

Come on.

These hold plenty of wine, trust me.

They can never be big enough, right, Nicole?

You girls must be starved. Have some dinner rolls.

Nicole: We're not eating. We're on a cleanse.

No, thank you, we're fine.

Nicole is an artist.

You are? What kind?

Well, I'm working with a lot of sand right now 'cause...

'cause its movement really portrays memories

and how they just slip through your fingers.

And the past, it doesn't really exist anymore.

And we stand on this unsolid ground

like a shore waiting to be washed back into the ocean.

The truth of everything is ephemerality.

And sand is great.

That sounds great.

Her work used to be about black holes.

It's nice to see that you're lightening up a bit.

Would anyone like more kale?

When did they plan this vacation?

I don't know, Nicole.

I know your mom really needed to get away.

She was having another one of her episodes.

The lake is like an ashram for her.

Well, I'm very aware that the lake is super relaxing.

Did you talk to them recently?

How is everyone liking their chicken.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my goodness!

- Oh, look. - I'm such a klutz.

Your little shorts are covered in wine.

- Oh, get those off. - Olivia: Thank you.

I have something you could change into.

Lupe, put her into the blue dress!

Ray: I like the outfit.

What is this, a blanket off the plane?

What kind of outfit is this?

She is so funny.

Hey, Kim. Come on, tell us.

What's it like being the host to the country's

most popular TV show?

Oh, I can't wait to tell you. I just love it.

It's the greatest experience I've ever had professionally.

You know, just fostering all of this creativity

and all of this, it's just so satisfying.

Kim: Oh, oh!

Don't you look so cute?

Cindy: She looks like you, doesn't she?

I guess she does. Just like me five years ago.

( Chuckles )

So, Miss Olivia,

what have you been doing with yourself all this time?

Well, um, I've been auditioning some recently.

You're a performer? What kind?

- I'm an actress. - Oh.

She also sings.

- Kim: Oh, sing for us. - Not really.

She's shy.

Well, you can't be shy and an actress.

Robert, where's my ukulele?

- I don't know. - ( Groans )

We could just do it another time.

Oh, come on. Have a little bit of red wine.

Past those tonsils, you'll be singing

like Liza Minnelli in a minute.

- What do you want me to sing? - ( Strums ukulele)

Kim: Okay.

(strumming ukulele)

( laughs )

Kim: Um, I'll start.

♪ Joe and Jane were always together ♪

♪ Said Joe to Jane, I love summer weather so ♪

- ♪ Let's go to that beautiful sea... ♪ - That's it.

♪ Follow along, say you're with me ♪

♪ Anything that Joe would suggest to her ♪

♪ Jane would always think it was best for her ♪

♪ So they get his Ford ♪

♪ And holler all aboard, gee, I'd like to be ♪

♪ By the sea, by the sea ♪

♪ By the beautiful sea ♪

♪ You and me, you and me, oh, how happy we'll be ♪

♪ I love to be beside your side ♪

♪ Beside the sea, beside the seaside ♪

♪ By the beautiful sea ♪

♪ I love to be so near you ♪

♪ On the snow white sand ♪

♪ Beside the seaside ♪

♪ By the beautiful sea. ♪

( Applause )

- Bravo, bravo! - Yay! That was great.

Kim: You're fantastic!

We should audition for my show.

I'm kidding, but, well, you should.

I mean, you should audition for my show.

She is not interested in appealing to the masses.

She's like... she's an artist.

Look at that picture of that adorable little girl.

- Ray: Oh, ye... oh, yes. - Cindy: Who's that?

Ray: Oh, my goodness. Is that you, Nicole?

- Simply adorable, isn't it? - Cindy: Sure is.

Ray: Just adorable little child, huh?

You looked like such a sweet little girl.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Kim: So can we have a little heart to heart?

Sure.

Why are you here?

Are you here because she needs help?

Because her family just doesn't know what to do anymore.

I mean, honestly.

She's just become so eccentric at such a young age.

You know, I think she's really unique.

She's doing something special.

I wish you could see our apartment.

It's like a gallery.

Well, it's really nice and very reassuring to hear you say that.

But I don't know.

I think her family actually didn't invite her

to the lake on purpose.

You know, her sister doesn't want her around the kids.

Well, she's really not the best role model,

when you stop and think about it.

I just wanted to be sure that,

you know, she's not in some kind of trouble.

And I wanted to be sure that she's not making you take care of her.

No, um, no, she's not in any trouble.

Where is she, actually?

She's probably watching television.

You're so tense.

Come here. Listen.

She doesn't actually like television.

You're so sweet.

I just want to make sure that someone is taking care of you, right?

She's not gonna change any time soon.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna go find her.

So thanks. Thank you.

Whatever you have to do.

(sighs)

Please help Nicole.

(car approaching )

(tires squeal, crashing)

(car door opens)

(crying)

( door opens )

- What... - Don't scream. Shh.

Shh. Wake up. Are you awake?

Okay. We have to get out of here very quietly.

Somebody's breaking in.

I think it's the guy who drove us here.

I was sleeping.

Shh, now you're not going to be murdered in your sleep.

- You're gonna be murdered awake. - Why?

I told you, somebody is breaking in.

- Oh! Okay. - We have to get out of here.

I think it's the guy who drove us here 'cause you told him our address.

- Who? - Oh, God!

I heard something. Did you hear anything?

- No. - ( Gasping ) Oh, my God.

- ( Floor creaking ) - Shh. Shh.

Nicole: Shit, it's real.

My projects aren't finished.

Oh, no!

- Oh, my God! - ( Door knob rattles)

( screaming )

Save the children!

Olivia, what is going...

- Kimberly! - Idiot.

Is Nicole in there?

What the fuck are you doing out there?!

You're all over the place!

Well, I just wanted to be sure that everyone was hydrated.

I went to get you some coconut water.

Sorry to disturb you.

We have everything we need, Kimberly. Thank you.

Yes, that seems clear.

- What does that mean? - I don't know.

Forgot my toothbrush.

( Chuckles ) I forgot a toothbrush, too.

You brought this?

Yeah.

And no toothbrush.

But I did bring the phone charger.

We should be charging it.

Eh, later.

You know how you're always saying you are worried

you might die in relative obscurity?

Mm-hmm.

Well, there is a way, I think, maybe tomorrow,

we can do something about that.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about reaching the largest audience

in the United States of America

on a television talent reality show.

Are you talking about "That Special Something"?

Yeah. Your aunt suggested it.

I think it's a great idea. I've been thinking about it.

It's so soulless.

Okay, but I can't do it alone

and I think it's gonna be really good for you and...

It's gonna be a no.

But this could be a big opportunity.

(sighs)

Could we just spoon?

Could you just roll over so I can spoon with you?

I'll just be the big spoon.

You just roll over a little tiny bit.

Just do it better.

It's hot! It's really hot.

I'm just sad about Seagull.

It's okay.

I'm holding my heart and feeling that I love myself.

I'm fine.

Kim: Well, anyone like some breakfast?

Hope you like burnt flapjacks.

Nicole: No, we're still cleansing.

- So... - Sweetie.

How did everyone sleep last night

after so much excitement?

Kind of tossed and turned, but I don't know.

My cat just died, so I think maybe that's why.

Oh, when?

- Just, like, two days ago. - Oh, my God!

It's just weighing on me.

Oh. Well, that explains a lot.

But I was also up thinking about

your show and maybe auditioning?

( laughs )

Well, do it! Do!

Nicole, she doesn't want to do it with me.

You don't need Nicole.

We got to get some toothbrushes.

Oh, God.

Robert, get out your wallet.

- Yes, dear. - May I have a 20, please?

- I got a... - A 20.

I see it in there.

(shop bell rings)

They have Tarot readings here for five bucks.

It's actually really reasonable.

Okay, let's see what the cards have to say.

You lost someone recently?

Yeah.

He's still with you and he wants you not to worry.

Is he a bird?

No. Sort of.

- Huh. - But no, yeah.

And the moon.

This card is connected

to dreams and the unconscious.

The moon provides the reflection of the sun.

- Yeah. - But the light is dim.

It's uncertain.

Ah, the magician.

It has to do with power.

Unused power is nonexistent power.

We don't have electricity in our apartment.

I wonder if it could have something to do with that, maybe?

But I'm talking about the electricity inside.

The electricity inside you.

Everything you have

has to be destroyed

for you to go to the next step.

There's the moon.

It's time to put your alt out in the world.

It's time.

That was crazy. Was yours crazy?

It was like she knew everything.

Listen, if you need me to audition with you, I will do it.

I'm not gonna sing with you.

And I have a piece that's not finished,

but maybe we could experiment with it.

What did she say to you?

She said I had to share.

Oh, let's get these guys.

Ladies, ladies!

I already sense a little special something

emanating from you two.

What can we expect from you guys today?

What do you mean?

The people want to know what to expect from you.

I don't think people should know what to expect.

Okay.

Um, is there anything you want to say for yourself?

Is there anything you'd like to say to anybody back home?

Thank you.

Good luck.

( Scoffs )

(girl laughs)

( whispering )

Something funny over there?

Are you taking the audition seriously?

Are you taking the audition seriously?

Uh, I'm not auditioning, she is.

Oh.

- Are you singing? - Yeah.

Singing about lip gloss and the boys that go into the yard?

Girl: Uh, she's really talented.

She has been Miss Teen Arizona twice.

Yeah, I'm singing "My Heart Will Go On"

and dedicating it to my mom who died when I was little.

You're saying that before you sing?

Yeah.

Do you think that there's a correlation

between winning the pageants

and sharing your personal tragedy?

- What is your problem? - What is your problem?

- You're being a bitch. - You're being a bitch.

Well, you look like a cheap imitation of Kesha.

- Oh, my God. She's an artist. - Oh, my God!

- What the...? - Stop!

- Get her off! - You simmer down.

- Olivia! - ( Shrieks )

- Olivia! Olivia! - What the fuck?

- ( Grunts ) - Whoa.

Tiger.

Is that the Adderall?

You can't beat up girls with dead moms.

That was the other girl.

That's true.

That was totally justified.

Yeah. Those girls sucked.

(growling)

We're gonna crush them.

I mean, if you felt that way, I guess that's understandable.

But thank you anyway and, uh, thanks for the opportunity.

Hmm. Well.

Thank you for having us. Hello.

Uh, we'll just take a few minutes to set up

and then we'll be performing excerpts

from Anton Chekov's "The Seagull"

along with some stuff that we wrote ourselves.

( Clears throat)

Not to get expectations up,

but I have heard this one sing.

And it was a bit of a treat.

Man: This should be interesting.

(piano music playing)

Nicole on tape: This is the universe we live in.

I was afraid you might hate me.

Nicole: It came into being with a big bang

that caused this universe we call home to expand

for the past 13.7 billion years.

Do you hear the wind?

Nicole: The Earth has been around for 4.5 billion years,

give or take .5 billion years.

Olivia: Blessed is he who has a roof over his head on such a night.

Sleeping in his own warm corner.

Nicole: Human beings have been here for about 200,000 years.

May the Lord help all homeless Wanderers.

Nicole: This cat was born on October 25th, 2007.

I am the seagull.

Nicole: He died this week.

No, that's not right.

Nicole: The average American lives to be 79.

That's 28,470 days,

683,280 hours,

40,996,800 minutes.

Ever since I got here, I've been walking and thinking.

Thinking and feeling my inner life grow stronger every day.

The important thing is not fame or glory.

It's not what I used to dream about,

but learning how to endure.

Nicole: How long will you live?

If you were born in 1980 and live an average life,

you will die around 2059. Life is like a mist.

I must bear my cross and have faith.

If I have faith, it doesn't hurt so much.

And the feelings we have for each other

are like fine delicate flowers.

Do you remember?

I am the seagull.

( Explosion )

Um...

no, that's not...

- Nicole? - What?

What are my lines? I don't know. I forgot my lines.

Men and lions, eagles and partridges.

Men and lions, eagles and partridges.

Men and lions, eagles and partridges.

Men, lions, eagles, partridges.

Men and lions, eagles and partridges.

Men and lions, eagles and partridges.

- ( Whispering) - What? No, no!

Just... that's ridicu...

Just give me a moment to focus.

Stop it, stop it!

Ow, ow!

Ow!

- Men, lions... - ( Crashes )

Man: Hmm.

Kim: What was the year of your death, boys?

- Did you figure it out? - Ugh.

- About five minutes ago. - Mine is 2039.

I think I understand what you're trying to say

and I see a certain beauty in it.

Man: Of course you would.

You guys have something special,

but it's not "That Special Something."

It's more like that special nothing.

- ♪ They ate themselves ♪ - Ow!

♪ Sliding out the bottom... ♪

Olivia: Give it!

Get off of it!

♪ And why were you so cruel? ♪

♪ I was just trying to be alive ♪

♪ I was just trying to be ♪

♪ Alive... ♪

(Olivia muttering ) In public.

I hated doing it.

This is very different way that this is going down

than what I thought would happen.

It wasn't the right special...

He didn't...

I'm not entirely sure what plan I'm doing...

Why did you do that?

Because your teeny tiny therapist

didn't seem to be making progress with you.

I humiliated myself in front of the judges

and basically all of America.

I just don't know why you care what those assholes think.

The judges for America see nothing special in me.

They don't even like me.

I don't think you even like me.

It's like you're trying to sabotage me.

It's like that thing you did with the feather bomb.

I want you to shut your fucking face.

I didn't even want to do this thing.

You begged me to do it, 'cause you're needy.

You're just not comfortable with the depth of my feelings.

No, because every time I turn around, you're like right there!

You're cling... it's like... God, if I feel your breath

on my skin anymore, I'm gonna vomit.

You need to, like, get a boyfriend or something.

This was supposed to be a vacation.

This feels like a vacation to you?

You know, I sure as shit... I don't feel like I'm on vacation.

Not when I'm around you and these feelings of yours.

And I could have been on a vacation.

I could've been on a real vacation on a lake

with my family on a fucking lake.

And for some...

I don't know why they didn't want me there.

No, Olivia, please! Don't touch me!

You know what?

I think it's a good thing that we're being evicted

'cause I don't think that I can live with you anymore.

Did you go for a swim?

I'd like to go for a swim.

Go.

It's too cold.

I want to go back to New York tonight.

There's a lot of stuff to deal with there.

Flight's in the morning.

I'm not comfortable staying at your Aunt Kimberly's again.

She's making us food.

I thought we were on a cleanse.

Well, I don't know what you're gonna do.

You're gonna leave without me?

(seagulls calling)

( laughter )

All right. I might... I might have done it once.

I might have done it once.

(laughing)

Kim: You've got to slow down.

I've never seen anyone eat so much.

I feel like I'm watching one of those pie-eating contests or something.

That would be fun. I'd do one of those.

Probably I'd win it.

You would never win it.

Well, why don't you look it up and then tell me

what kind of records there are and I'm gonna beat them.

How would I know if you'd win in a pie...

Just look it up on your phone and tell me what kind of like...

- You're afraid. - People train...

- Dare me. - ...for years and years

to do a pie-eating contest.

- They do? - Yes.

Why, do they win a lot of money?

- I-- - Do they?

I'm not paying you any money, if that's what you're insinuating.

- Wait a minute. - Hmm?

How much will you pay me?

Nothing.

I'll pay you zero money.

All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We're gonna make this the situation.

If I can eat this whole thing in under 10...

- You will never... - Shh.

If I can eat this in under 10 seconds,

will you give me $1,000?

You'll never eat that in under 10 seconds.

Will you?

Well, oh, and what do I get when you lose, I'm wondering?

- I'll give you one of my pieces. - Oh, really.

Are they selling for $1,000 these days?

They're gonna sell for hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Put your money where your mouth is.

10, nine... okay, but start at 10.

I'm doing it. 10, nine, eight...

oh, God... seven, six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Ugh.

Not even close.

Uh, you were counting faster than seconds.

- You know, this is my home. - All right.

- That is half. - Oh, God.

And it's worth 500.

( Scoffs )

It's gonna cost me $500 to get my living room cleaned.

Give me... shut up! Shut your face!

Give me 500 more

and I'm gonna eat anything on this table.

You tell me...

The money.

So I take it you girls need money?

No.

Oh, come on. You can tell me.

I mean, I wouldn't trust this one with any money.

I should get her to bed.

Oh, don't.

Look. ( Laughs )

No, leave her be. She's fine.

Listen, listen.

I need to tell you something very important.

I used to be just like you

until I figured out who I really was.

Oh, gosh, this headache of mine.

Thank you so much. This was very nice.

And I... good night. And thank you.

I brought you something for your head.

Olivia, what are you doing out on the lawn, you silly?

Darling Olivia.

You must wake up for your own good.

- Oh, God. - Oh!

(laughing)

Oh, my God.

Just like children.

Oh, we're so free, finally.

Finally, darling, please.

There's something I have to tell you.

All right, what is it?

You're wonderful, but I'm in a relationship with Nicole.

And we're very much in love.

Olivia, I know, all right?

I know. I should've told you sooner,

but I know that you want her

and she's not in love with you.

Yes, darling.

She told me everything.

She told me that she felt sorry for you.

I'm sorry, darling.

I'm sorry.

You know she had to say that to you.

- No. - She was afraid.

She didn't know how the family would take it.

But she and I have something very beautiful

and it only shows in a one-sided way with me.

But really, a two-sided relationship.

I mean, we are... it's not one-sided.

It's two-sided and she and I are in this

close loop embrace forever.

And I would never want to do anything to hurt her.

I hope you understand that.

Of course, I do.

Olivia, I'm so sorry.

I never would've opened myself to you

in this way if I'd known.

Olivia, good-bye, darling.

Good-bye.

( Gasps ) - Wake up!

You made me have to lie to your Aunt Kimberly.

Please, will you go get me water? The room is spinning.

I need you to hear me. You're taking me to the airport

in a taxi that you're paying for first thing in the morning.

Will you please get me water?

Do you want water? Here, I'll give you some water.

- Do you want this? - Yeah.

Do you want this water?

Pack your shit.

( Groans )

Hi. Remember me?

Last time you saw me, I was a licensed car driver.

I am not anymore.

It's probably a good thing.

I'm so sorry.

I mean, I must've terrified you.

I was out of my mind.

Want a piece of licorice?

That's okay.

Licorice?

You know what I did?

I think I took Ativan and Lunesta

with maybe like three airplane bottles of whiskey.

But I'm just... I'm really afraid to fly.

You also took an Adderall.

Yeah, yeah. Sounds like something I would do.

Adderall is pretty crazy.

- It's crazy stuff, right? - Yeah.

Yeah, I've started bottoming out when it wears off.

Whenever I take it, like, it helps me at first

and then I completely unravel.

I almost punched a girl.

You should've taken a Lunesta.

Yeah, it really cuts down on the urge to clock people.

I was in town visiting my mom.

You mentioned something about that.

I guess you just have to hit rock bottom

before you can stand back up.

If that make any sense?

Yeah.

And my mom has really helped me to hit rock bottom

the last couple days.

How was LA? What'd you do?

I buried my cat at sea.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Lucky cat to have spent one of his nine lives with you.

Did we forget to lock the door?

I don't know.

Bob, that better be you in there.

- I think we were robbed. - Oh, my God.

Is that electricity?

Oh. Hey, guys.

Is this our stuff?

You didn't get my message, huh?

I called you guys about 100 times and texted you.

No, we didn't get any messages.

Oh, shit. 'Cause if you would've gotten messages,

you would've known what was, uh, going on here.

What is going on?

Uh, I found some people who are willing

to pay three times what you do.

God, we didn't charge this.

Oh, man, sorry. I wasn't here.

I guess the, uh, movers thought your...

your stuff was garbage or something.

I'm sorry.

(Nicole sobbing)

She's losing it.

What are we supposed to do?

Well, the new tenants are not coming till Tuesday,

so you have till Tuesday.

- That's tomorrow. - Uh-huh.

And you said we had 28 days.

Yeah. Look, honestly,

they're paying me three times what you're paying.

I mean, give me a break, all right?

- ( Phone chimes) - I mean, I had to...

Nicole: You can't do it. It's illegal.

Bob: Well, this is an illegal sublet, you know.

Hey, don't break my balls, okay.

I need to make a profit here.

Bob on voice mail: Hey, it's Bob. Can you pick up your phone?

- It's urgent. - Bob: Mm-hmm.

Guess who should be better connected?

- Not my fault. - ( Phone beeps)

Woman: Hi, Olivia. Great news.

We loved the life insurance commercial.

It's gonna shoot for about a week in Ohio,

so we have to arrange your flight.

Give me a call back.

You just got a commercial.

It's a national commercial.

Uh-oh, uh-oh!

Who's an actress?

Who's going to Ohio?

Wow. Told you. Plug in your fucking phone!

Ohio.

Wow.

All right, come on, come on. Shake it off.

Big girl, come on. Big girl.

There you go.

One door closes, another opens, huh?

How you doing?

Hey, you want to crash on my couch?

You sleep on your couch.

All right. You sleep on the floor.

All right, I'll sleep on the floor.

We'll both sleep on the floor.

I'm sorry.

So...

I can, uh, start looking for places,

I guess, for when you come back.

Men and lions, eagles and partridges.

All life will end its allotted round and be no more.

And then the full moon will be left lighting her lamp in vain.

(cat purring)

(music playing)

♪ Thank you for everything ♪

♪ Thank you for nothing ♪

♪ My brother, there is no in between ♪

♪ Never one without the other ♪

♪ I may not know anything ♪

♪ But I think I'm onto something ♪

♪ For every door opening ♪

♪ There's another one slowly closing ♪

♪ Thank you for loving me ♪

♪ Thank you for leaving ♪

♪ Thank you for promising ♪

♪ And then promptly forgetting ♪

♪ For the gifts that were given ♪

♪ Just to be taken for granted ♪

♪ Studied indifference ♪

♪ Care turned to careless ♪

♪ Once disenchanted ♪

♪ The glass that was filled ♪

♪ Then just as easily broken ♪

♪ Thank you for everything ♪

♪ And thank you for nothing ♪

♪ Thank you for trusting me ♪

♪ And then biting the bullet ♪

♪ Thank you for laughing out loud ♪

♪ Even when you don't mean it ♪

♪ They say hurting is growing ♪

♪ If you believe when you say it ♪

♪ So I'll just keep saying it ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ I'll just keep saying it ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ I'll just keep saying it ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ I'll just keep saying it ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ Thank you for everything ♪

♪ And thank you for nothing at all ♪

♪ Thank you for nothing at all ♪

♪ Thank you for nothing at all. ♪

(music playing)

♪ Hey, darling, what you doing up? ♪

♪ Hey, sugar, why don't you go to sleep? ♪

♪ Hey, honey ♪

♪ How's about you dream of me? ♪

♪ Hey, baby, what you thinking of? ♪

♪ Hey, sweetheart, why don't you look this way? ♪

♪ Hey, cutie, how's about you fancy me? ♪

(vocalizing )

♪ Oh, love can be honestly ♪

♪ So confusing ♪

♪ But you've got something going on ♪

(vocalizing )

♪ Hey, sweetie, what you doing now? ♪

♪ Hey, lover, I'm feeling fine ♪

♪ Hey, sunshine ♪

♪ How's about you be mine? ♪

♪ How's about you be mine? ♪

♪ How's about you be mine? ♪