Original subtitles

ALL RIGHT, VOLUNTEERS, LINE UP!

ALL RIGHT!

I'VE MOVED THE TRUCK UP THE STREET

IN PREPARATION FOR TODAY'S EXERCISE.

IS THERE ANYONE HERE

WHO HASN'T HAD A CHANCE TO READ THE TRUCK MANUAL YET?

FRANKIE, FRANKIE, FRANKIE...

DO ME A FAVOR... RUN BACK TO THE STATION.

NEXT TO THE HELMET RACK, YOU'LL SEE A MIRROR.

I WANT YOU TO LOOK INTO THAT MIRROR

AND SEE WHAT FAILURE LOOKS LIKE!

MOVE!

GO!

IS THERE ANYONE ELSE HERE TO WASTE MY TIME?

I DIDN'T THINK SO.

NOW... THE TRUCK IS NOT A TOY.

IT IS TO BE TREATED WITH TWO PARTS RESPECT,

ONE PART FEAR, AND JUST A DASH OF AWE.

NOW, CAN ANYONE TELL ME THE FOUR STEPS I WENT THROUGH

TO SECURE THE TRUCK AFTER I PARKED IT?

YES, JOHNNY.

AREN'T THERE FIVE STEPS?

I'M SORRY, ARE YOU WEARING THE WHISTLE?

I JUST... NO MORE QUESTIONS.

UH, PETE... QUIET DOWN!

RODRIGUEZ, YOU'RE RIDING SHOTGUN.

LOOK OUT!!

I APPRECIATE YOUR ENTHUSIASM, JOHNNY,

BUT HIS JOB IS... AAAAH!!

AAAAH!!

WHOA!

ARE YOU OKAY?

I LANDED ON MY WHISTLE.

SHARON!

HEY.

HOW ARE YOU?

I'M GOOD.

COME HERE.

OHHH!

OKAY.

NOW, HOW ARE YOU?

I WAS GOOD, BUT NOW I'M A LITTLE CREEPED OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT, RAIN MAN?

TODAY I ALMOST DIED.

UNDERACHIEVER.

YOU MAKE ME LAUGH.

THANK YOU FOR THAT.

BACK UP. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ALMOST DIED?

I SAVED PETE FROM GETTING HIT BY A TRUCK.

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR GUYS.

PETE, WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO DO THAT.

TREAT YOU TO A WEEKEND AT THE HOTEL ROYALE.

MAKE IT A ROOM OVERLOOKING THE BAY.

PETE, ARE YOU SURE?

YES! SHH!

WE HAVE NOT HAD A CHANCE TO CELEBRATE OUR ANNIVERSARY.

ABSOLUTELY. IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS COULDN'T BE BETTER TIMING.

I ALMOST WENT AND BOUGHT SHAMPOO.

HI, ROGER.

HEY, IRENE.

I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT IT WOULD REALLY HELP US

IF YOU START PUTTING A HYPHEN IN THE 9-DIGIT ZIP CODE.

I COVERED FOR YOU ON THIS ONE.

THANK YOU. I OWE YOU ONE.

GO OUT WITH ME.

HEY, IRENE, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK TO YOU.

OH, GOODY!

TELL ME ABOUT THAT GIRL YOU KISSED.

I NEVER GET TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THAT.

WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE TO GET PAST THIS?

THERE IS NO GETTING PAST THIS.

YOU'RE OUT ON YOUR KEISTER, MEISTER.

IT'S THE LAST RHYME YOU'RE GONNA GET.

IRENE...

YOU OUGHT TO MOVE TO STURBRIDGE.

'CAUSE AS OF NEXT WEEK, THAT'S WHERE YOUR MAIL'S GOING.

OH, YEAH. I CAN DO THAT.

OH, I KNOW.

JUST NOT ON TIME.

HI. YES. HELLO.

CAN I SPEAK TO DR. ASHLEY WALKER?

SHE'S IN SURGERY?

OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED? IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

OF COURSE SHE IS. RIGHT.

A-A MESSAGE? YEAH.

UH, TELL HER PETER... RABBITSON CALLED.

THAT'S IT.

IRENE AND I ARE OVER.

BERG, I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A FIRETRUCK TODAY.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH FIRETRUCKS.

YOU NEED SOME SORT OF WARNING THAT THEY'RE COMING.

ARE YOU... ARE YOU OKAY?

WHEN THAT TRUCK WAS BARRELING TOWARDS ME,

MY ENTIRE LIFE FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES.

THE LAST IMAGE I SAW WAS A WOMAN.

I THINK IT'S THE WOMAN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WITH,

BUT IT'S CRAZY.

IT WASN'T MY MOM, WAS IT?

NO.

IT WASN'T IRENE, WAS IT?

NO.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO IT IS.

ARE YOU SURE IT WASN'T MY MOM?

NO!

IT WAS ASHLEY.

ARE YOU CRAZY?!

A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE WOULDN'T LIE.

UNLESS IT WAS TRYING TO LULL YOU

INTO ANOTHER NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE.

PETE, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REALIZE,

BUT THIS IS MY EX-GIRLFRIEND WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING THERE.

IT'S LIKE I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,

AND I THINK OF THIS REALLY GREAT INSULT,

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SAY IT TO HER.

THEN I GO, AND I DO,

AND SHE SAYS SOMETHING BACK EVEN MEANER,

THEN WE START TO GO AT IT, IT GETS HOTTER AND HOTTER

UNTIL I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA EXPLODE!

AND THEN IT'S OVER

AND I'M LEFT WITH THIS FEELING OF TOTAL PEACE.

YEAH, BUT THEN YOU GOTTA WAIT, LIKE, ANOTHER HOUR

BEFORE YOU CAN ARGUE AGAIN.

PETE, I THINK YOU'RE FORGETTING ONE THING...

ASHLEY HATES YOU.

NO. YOU'RE WRONG. YOU'RE WRONG.

I CAN EITHER SIT AROUND HERE

AND WONDER WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO THE REST OF MY LIFE,

OR I CAN GO OUT THERE AND DO SOMETHING.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BATHROOM! IT HAS A PHONE AND A TV!

I KNOW! AND I LOVE THAT FOOT MASSAGER.

SWEETIE, THAT'S A SHOE SHINER.

WHAT ABOUT THAT WATER FOUNTAIN NEXT TO THE TOILET?

HONEY, THAT'S A BIDET. IT'S FOR WOMEN.

IT'S BIG IN FRANCE.

OH, A LADY'S FOUNTAIN.

YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK FROM THE MINI BAR?

YOU KNOW PETE'S ONLY PAYING FOR THE ROOM?

AND THE MINI BAR GOES ON THE ROOM BILL...

PETE'S ROOM BIL.

PUT THAT BACK.

WE SHOULD NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PETE'S GENEROSITY.

I SAVED PETE'S LIFE. HE WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY.

COME ON, HAVE A DRINK.

YOU CAN WATCH ANYTHING YOU WANT ON PAY-PER-VIEW.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK... THEY GOT THAT RICHARD GERE MOVIE.

YOU KNOW I WON'T LIKE THAT.

YOU DO NOT FIGHT FAIR.

HEY.

GOOD EVENING. YOUR CHAMPAGNE.

OOOH!

"LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. LOVE, PETE."

SO AS IT IS WRITTEN, SO IT SHALL BE DONE!

IF THAT'S WHAT PETE WANTS.

THANKS.

WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE?

YES, MY GOOD MAN.

GIVE YOURSELF $10 AND PUT IT ON THE ROOM BILL.

I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT, SIR.

IN THAT CASE,

TAKE ANY TWO DRINKS FROM THE MINI BAR.

ASHLEY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND.

PETE, KEEP IT DOWN.

THESE PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP.

THEY SUFFER FROM INSOMNIA.

DUDE, I AM SO TIRED.

I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN THREE WEEKS. IT'S HORRIBLE.

I JUST SIT IN THIS BED AND EAT CANDY AND DRINK COFFEE.

COME HERE. COME HERE.

LOOK, I JUST...

I NEED TO GET SOMETHING OFF MY CHEST.

IT'S ONE HAIR... JUST PLUCK IT.

ASHLEY, I KNOW WE LIKE TAKING SHOTS AT ONE ANOTHER,

BUT CAN YOU JUST BE SERIOUS FOR ONE SECOND?

THIS IS IMPORTANT. WHAT?

RIGHT BEFORE JOHNNY PULLED ME OUT OF THE WAY OF THAT TRUCK,

A VISION OF MY FUTURE FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES.

SO?

IT WAS YOU.

ALL RIGHT?

A-AND THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME TO SAY,

BUT IN MY HEART, I BELIEVE THAT THERE'S SOMETHING BETWEEN US,

AND I THINK WE OWE IT TO OURSELVES TO EXPLORE IT.

WOW! PETE, YOU REALLY MEAN THIS.

YEAH.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, IN MY HEART...

AND THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME EITHER...

I HATE YOU, AND I'M MOVING TO CALIFORNIA.

WOW!

WHAT DO YOU KNOW? THAT WAS EASY.

I OPEN UP TO YOU, AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?

PETE, COME ON!

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY REAL FEELINGS FOR ME.

I'M JUST THE ONLY WOMAN LEFT IN THE BUILDING

YOU HAVEN'T TRIED TO GET ON TOP OF.

NOW I REMEMBERED WHY I SAVED YOU FOR LAST.

PLEASE, PETE. COME ON!

OKAY. MESSAGE RECEIVED.

YOU'RE AVAILABLE.

HEY.

KATIE, HEY. I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

WELL, I WAS SURPRISED TO HEAR FROM YOU.

I MEAN, AFTER LAST TIME.

I WAS AFRAID YOU'D GET THE WRONG IMPRESSION WHEN I SAID I, UH,

WELL, THAT THERE WAS NOTHING BETWEEN US

AND I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

SO, WHAT CHANGED?

WELL, UH, MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME.

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO SIT AROUND WONDERING

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE...

MAYBE THIS IS TOO SOON.

NO, IT'S FINE. I'M GLAD YOU CALLED.

YOU LOOK VERY CUTE.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, YOU WERE MY BIG HIGH-SCHOOL CRUSH.

IN NINTH GRADE, I DECIDED I WOULD SAVE IT FOR YOU.

REALLY?

WELL.

IN NINTH GRADE, I WAS SAVING IT FOR MARY LOU RETTON.

NOW, UH, HOW LONG DID YOU HOLD ON TO YOUR PLAN?

STILL HOLDING.

WHAT?

I'M STILL SAVING IT FOR YOU, BERG.

OKAY.

NOW, WHEN YOU SAY, UH..."IT,"

UH, DO YOU MEAN... MY FLOWER.

SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

WELL, UH, WE COULD... I DON'T KNOW.

WE COULD SACRIFICE YOU TO ENSURE A GOOD HARVEST.

OKAY. THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

LOOK, KATIE, CLEARLY I'M WORTH THE WAIT,

BUT ISN'T THAT KIND OF A LONG SHOT?

I MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

OKAY, I HAVE TO CONFESS.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR EIGHT YEARS.

WHAT DO YOU... WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU KNOW... THROUGH BINOCULARS.

OH, MY GOD. HAS IT BEEN EIGHT YEARS?

THAT'S JUST CRAZY.

YEAH, I KNOW.

I MEAN, LIKE, WHOA! CRAZY.

SO, UH, WHAT MADE YOU FINALLY DECIDE TO CONTACT ME?

MY MOM WANTS GRANDKIDS.

ALL RIGHT, SO, YOU READY,

OR DO YOU NEED OYSTERS OR SOMETHING?

LOOK, KATIE, UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES

I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE YOUR FLOWER.

BUT, UH, THE TRUTH IS, I CAN'T,

BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND AND I... WE GOT BACK TOGETHER.

YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU BROKE UP WITH HER.

YES, I KNOW. WE'RE SO ON-AGAIN AND OFF-AGAIN.

YOU SEE, I'M NUTS, AND YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY VERY GROUNDED,

SO I SHOULD GO.

WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD GO ASK HER,

AND SHE'D CONFIRM ALL THIS?

WELL, ON THAT NOTE, I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO...

OH, WHAT'S THAT?

OH, GOD.

OH, YEAH. THAT'S THE STUFF.

OH, HOW DID YOU KNOW?

OKAY!

SWITCH!

THAT'S IT! PARTY'S OVER!

YOU... TOUCHY, FEELY... BEAT IT!

PETE, WHAT'S WRONG?

TODAY I LEARNED THE WORLD IS NOT A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.

IT'S A COLD, HEARTLESS PLACE THAT MOCKS ME.

MAN, YOU NEED TO GET AWAY. THAT'S WHAT WE DID.

LOOK, WHEN I OFFERED THIS PLACE TO YOU GUYS,

I WAS LIVING FOR THE MOMENT.

WELL, THAT MOMENT HAS PASSED, SO OUT YOU GO!

WELL, THAT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED.

WHOA, WHOA! NO, DON'T PACK! WE'RE NOT LEAVING.

JOHNNY, IT'S OVER. LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE...

WE HAD A FEW LAUGHS, AND YOU GOT A PILLOWCASE FULL OF SOAPS.

YESTERDAY PETE SAID THAT LIFE WAS SHORT,

AND WE SHOULD LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST.

YES, AND NOW HE'S CANCELING THE ROOM.

LET HIM. WE'LL PAY FOR THE ROOM.

COULD YOU REPEAT THAT FOR VERIFICATION PURPOSES?

WE ARE GONNA PAY FOR THE ROOM.

SHARON, WE DESERVE A NICE ANNIVERSARY.

UNLESS YOU THINK IT'S A BAD IDEA.

NO!

NO, JOHNNY, I LOVE IT!

OH, THIS IS OUR BEST FIRST ANNIVERSARY EVER!

HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHY DON'T WE GET IN THE WHIRLPOOL BATH AND WATCH TV?

SOUNDS GOOD.

WORK UP AN APPETITE.

SOUNDS BETTER.

ORDER SOME ROOM SERVICE.

WE'RE NOT MADE OF MONEY.

GERM?

GERM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR HEAD UNDER THE COVERS?

I SWEAR, IF YOU HAVE A MAGAZINE... PETE!

ASHLEY... COME DANCE WITH ME.

I CAN'T. I-I'M WORKING.

I'M A DOCTOR WITH RESPONSIBILITIES.

THESE PEOPLE DEPEND ON ME.

YOU WANNA MAKE OUT?

SURE.

I, UM, I FELL ASLEEP.

WE KNOW.

YOU WERE SHOWING OFF IN FRONT OF THE INSOMNIACS.

HEY, WHAT WERE YOU DREAMING ABOUT?

NOTHING. WHY?

WELL, IT SOUNDED LIKE NO ONE UNDER 17 SHOULD BE ADMITTED.

IT WAS NOT A DREAM. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO SHOOT MYSELF.

ALL RIGHT. GOOD LUCK.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

CAN'T YOU COME BACK WHEN I'M NOT HERE?

I REALIZE YOU'RE UPSET,

BUT WHAT YOU SAID GOT ME THINKING.

DON'T LISTEN TO ME. FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID.

I CAN'T FORGET.

UNLIKE YOU, I'M NOT A MENTAL MIDGET.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

YOU COME INTO MY HOME, AND YOU'RE RUDE.

DIDN'T THEY TEACH YOU ANYTHING IN OBEDIENCE SCHOOL?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID VISIONS,

I STARTED HAVING DREAMS ABOUT YOU.

YOU WHAT?

I HAD ONE STUPID DREAM,

AND I WANTED YOU TO KNOW IT DOESN'T MEAN A THING.

IT MEANT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO COME DOWN HERE

AND GAZE ONCE AGAIN UPON THE STAR OF YOUR LUSTY DREAM.

IT WASN'T LUSTY.

IT WAS DISTURBING... VERY, VERY DISTURBING.

WHY WAS IT DISTURBING?

YOU WERE KISSING ME.

WHY IS THAT DISTURBING?

BECAUSE I LIKED IT.

OWWWW!

WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD KISS ME?

YOU SAID YOU LIKED IT!

IN MY DREAMS!

BUT...

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IN ORDER TO REALIZE

THERE ARE NO GENUINE FEELINGS BETWEEN US,

THEN FINE, KISS ME.

OWWWWW!

YOU SEE? NOTHING.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT?

OWWWW!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!

I'VE BEEN CALLING FOR THE LAST HALF-HOUR.

I KNOW.

THANK HEAVEN FOR A LITTLE THING CALLED "CALLER I.D."

FUNNY STORY... YOU REMEMBER "COMIC BOOK KATIE"?

TURNS OUT SHE'S CERTIFIABLY INSANE.

ISN'T THAT A GAS?

ANYWAY, I TOLD HER THAT WE GOT BACK TOGETHER TO GET RID OF HER,

AND NOW SHE'S ON HER WAY DOWN HERE TO TALK TO YOU.

CAN YOU COVER FOR ME, PLEASE?

IT'LL BE LIKE PUTTING ON A SHOW. YOU LOVE PUTTING ON SHOWS.

YOU'RE RIGHT, BERG.

I WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU IN ANY WAY I CAN.

HOW'S THAT FOR A SHOW?

Berg: KATIE!

HI.

HI.

SO, HERE, UH... HERE WE ARE JUST, UH...

JUST A HAPPY, HAPPY COUPLE.

SHUT UP, BERG!

I WANT TO HEAR IT FROM HER.

OKAY... KATIE.

THE TRUTH IS, WE ARE NOT TOGETHER.

LIAR!

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A CHANCE WITH HIM.

YOU DON'T.

HE THINKS YOU'RE INSANE.

HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU THAT,

BECAUSE HE WANTS EVERYONE TO LIKE HIM.

SO I'LL SAY WHAT HE'S TOO COWARDLY TO SAY.

DON'T CALL HIM AGAIN.

BERG, IS THAT TRUE?

YOU CAN CALL ME ON MY BIRTHDAY.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY.

AND TO THINK... I WAS GONNA KILL YOU.

OH, BOY, HONESTY... I TELL YOU,

I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT.

BYE, BERG.

JUST THINK ONE SECOND HERE, IRENE.

COME ON.

I REALIZE THAT I WAS PRETTY SELFISH IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,

BUT I CAN CHANGE.

I SWEAR I...

FROM NOW ON, I WILL BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU.

IRENE...

NEED ME TO BUST SOME ASS?

IT'S OKAY, ROGER. I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE.

OKAY.

YOU HURT HER...

AND I'LL MUSH YOUR FACE THE WAY I MUSH YOUR MAGAZINES.

I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY.

WHATEVER! YOU'RE JUST USING HIM TO GET BACK AT ME.

YOU ARE WRONG. I LIKE ROGER.

UNLIKE YOU, HE WILL NOT BREAK MY HEART.

HE IS RELIABLE.

NEITHER RAIN NOR SLEET NOR SNOW WILL KEEP HIM AWAY.

LOOK, YOU JUST LOOK ME IN THE EYE

AND YOU TELL ME THAT YOU DON'T LOVE ME,

AND I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.

I HAVE TO GO.

YOU DIDN'T SAY NO. YOU DID NOT SAY NO, IRENE!

AAAAH!

ALL RIGHT. STILL FEELIN' NOTHIN' FOR ME?

EHHH.

ALL RIGHT.

THEN WE HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN,

BUT THIS TIME, ONCE WE GET GOING,

YOU CAN STOP SLAPPING ME.