Original subtitles

ISN'T THIS PLACE GREAT, HMM?

I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERY RESTAURANT

DOESN'T HAVE AN EARLY-BIRD SPECIAL.

UM, ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULD BE HERE?

I MEAN, I HAVE MY OWN TEETH. THAT MAY DISQUALIFY ME.

HEY, UH...

HEY, YOU WANNA CAUSE SOME TROUBLE?

BINGO!

WHAT IS TAKING THE GIRLS SO LONG?

I'M GETTING HUNGRY!

I KNOW, IT'S ALMOST 4:30. WE HAVE TO BE ASLEEP BY 7:00.

THIS IS JUST AS BORING AS WORK!

THERE'S NO FIRES, NO DEATHS!

SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE THERE'S THIS BLACK CLOUD

HANGING OVER MY HEAD.

THEY GIVE ALL THE NEAR-FATALITIES

TO THE EXPERIENCED DOCTORS

I SPENT MY DAY DRAINING PUS OUT OF SOME GUY'S EAR.

I GUESS I'LL SKIP THE SOUP.

THEY CAN'T PULL ME OVER.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

IT'S A SOBRIETY CHECKPOINT.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING, SO IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

UNLESS YOU HAPPEN TO LIVE IN A DEMOCRACY!

THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TIME YOU GOT KICKED OFF THE PLANE

BECAUSE YOU REFUSED TO PUT UP YOUR TRAY TABLE.

THAT FLIGHT ATTENDANT WAS ON A POWER TRIP.

YOU MADE HIM CRY!

I DON'T BELIEVE IN ALLOWING MY RIGHTS

TO BE GOOSE-STEPPED ON.

OKAY, HERE'S THE PLAN... YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

COMING, OFFICER!

ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW.

ROLL IT DOWN! ROLL IT DOWN! ROLL IT DOWN!

BUT I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG!

THAT'S WHY I'M NOT TELLING YOU TO UNBUTTON YOUR BLOUSE!

ALL RIGHT!

HEY, UM, I CAN STILL SEE A LITTLE.

MAYBE YOU WANNA HIT ME WITH YOUR PEPPER SPRAY.

NOW, THAT DIDN'T GET US OFF TO A GOOD START, DID IT?

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT

BEFORE YOU STOPPED ME.

IS THERE A REASON YOU DIDN'T ROLL YOUR WINDOW DOWN?

A LITTLE THING CALLED THE THIRD AMENDMENT.

THE QUARTERING OF SOLDIERS DURING PEACETIME?

OKAY, FINE... THE FOURTH AMENDMENT.

AND THE HANDLE KNOB IS A LITTLE BIT STICKY.

IS SHE ALWAYS LIKE THIS?

OH, NO, OFFICER!

UNBUTTON YOUR BLOUSE.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING, HAVE YOU?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

OH, NO, SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS WHEN SHE'S SOBER.

SHE'D BE ALL OVER YOU IF SHE WERE DRUNK.

YEAH, WELL, I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE,

OR DO YOU WANT TO DRAG ME OUT OF THE CAR

AND BEAT ME WITH YOUR FLASHLIGHT?

WELL, THERE'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO,

AND THEN THERE'S WHAT THEY ALLOW ME TO DO.

YOU LADIES HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

HOW OBNOXIOUS!

YEAH, BUT YOU ARE FUN TO SHOP WITH.

HEY, LOOK, THERE'S OLD MR. LOCKWOOD.

HE JUST RETIRED FROM THE CARPET BUSINESS.

YEAH, I THINK THAT'S ONE OF HIS OLD SAMPLES

ON TOP OF HIS HEAD.

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT THING, ANYWAY?

I BOUGHT IT FOR MY BABY

SO WE COULD RECORD OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS AS HUSBAND AND WIFE.

HOW CAN YOU AFFORD IT?

I CAN'T. I'M GONNA RETURN IT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.

HERE'S TO HAVING A PULSE!

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!

GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

YOU CAN POINT IT AT ME.

WHEN YOU WATCH THIS LATER...

PUT IT TO MUSIC.

WHERE WAS THAT CAMERA

WHEN MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS WERE BEING TRAMPLED ON?

ASHLEY, ASHLEY, WE ARE SO SICK AND TIRED

OF HEARING HOW YOU HAVEN'T HAD A DATE IN THREE MONTHS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHERE IS YOUR MORAL INDIGNATION, PEOPLE?

DOESN'T ANYONE EVEN CARE

THAT I WAS HARASSED AND HUMILIATED BY THE POLICE?

WE SHOULD SEND THE COPS A REALLY NICE FRUIT BASKET.

WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A MOOD?

SHE TOOK ALL THE PRESENTS FROM WHOVILLE,

AND YET THEY STILL KEEP SINGING.

OKAY, THAT'S IT. I'M OUT OF HERE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, ASHLEY, YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE THIS.

OKAY. THANK YOU, JOHNNY.

YOU STILL HAVE TO PITCH IN YOUR SHARE.

FINE. HERE.

OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHY

I ALWAYS HAVE TO PLAY THE CHEAPSKATE,

BUT YOU FORGOT TO PITCH IN FOR THE WINE.

WHY SHOULD I? I DIDN'T EVEN DRINK ANY.

AND I JUST BURPED UP, LIKE, HALF MY CARROTS.

CREDIT ME 50 CENTS.

FINE, HERE, BUT I'M TAKING MY SHARE.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

I DATED HER,

AND NOW SHE'S EVERYBODY'S PROBLEM.

YOU KNEW I WAS HERE!

WHY DIDN'T YOU GO A DIFFERENT WAY?!

BECAUSE I'M AN AMERICAN,

AND I DON'T HAVE TO GO A DIFFERENT WAY.

WOW... STUBBORN AND STUPID.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE SINGLE.

SORRY, I DON'T DATE A MAN

WHOSE HEAD IS SMALLER THAN HIS NECK.

HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING SINCE THE LAST TIME,

OR IS THIS MORE OF YOUR PERSONALITY SHINING THROUGH?

GIVE ME YOUR LICENSE, PLEASE.

WHY?

OH, USUAL REASON... I WANNA SEE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.

OH, GREAT!

NOW YOU MADE ME SPILL MY WINE!

AND HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING THAT WINE?

NOT THAT I HAVE TO ANSWER THAT,

BUT, NO, MY FRIENDS DRANK IT.

AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT...

YOU HAVE FRIENDS?

LISTEN, OFFICER...

STEP OUT OF THE CAR, PLEASE, MA'AM.

MMM... MAN... THIS BEEF IS TOUGH.

OH, THIS IS BEEF?

THAT EXPLAINS WHY I CAN'T BLOW A BUBBLE.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, YOU READY?

ON THE COUNT OF THREE... 1... 2, 3!

HEY, IT'S LIKE EATING WITH SUPERMODELS!

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

IF I REVERSE IT, I CAN MAKE THE FOOD GO BACK IN YOUR MOUTH.

LOOK... IN, OUT, IN, OUT.

I CAN DO THAT WITH MY BELLYBUTTON.

YOU WANNA SEE?

MR. LOCKWOOD... IS HE CHOKING?

I'M THE DOCTOR, OKAY?

THAT'S THE WAY OLD PEOPLE BREATHE.

WHERE IS SHE GOING? THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.

OH, MY GOD, HE REALLY WAS CHOKING.

OH, THAT'S MR. LOCKWOOD! SO I WAS RIGHT.

THE GUY IN THE PLAID WASN'T CHOKING.

SHARON JUST SAVED MR. LOCKWOOD'S LIFE!

LET THE PROFESSIONALS HANDLE IT. ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE!

THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE HERE! MOVE ALONG!

OKAY, WE BLEW IT.

YEAH, YOU KNOW,

IF THE GUYS AT THE FIRE STATION GET WIND OF THIS...

OR THE HOSPITAL!

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, WE WOULD'VE LOOKED A LOT BETTER

IF NOBODY SAVED HIM.

Woman: FORTUNATELY, THE QUICK REACTIONS

OF BOSTON RESIDENT SHARON DONNELLY

SAVED THE 77-YEAR-OLD LOCKWOOD, AS FIREFIGHTER PETE DUNVILLE

AND HOSPITAL RESIDENT MICHAEL BERGEN SAT WATCHING.

HERE'S TO HAVING A PULSE!

LOCKWOOD'S GRANDSON IS THE STATION MANAGER,

SO I GAVE THEM THE TAPE.

THEY GAVE ME THIS GREAT JACKET.

CHECK IT OUT. I'M A CITIZEN NEWS-HOUND.

WHY'D YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM I'M A DOCTOR?!

THAT'S WHAT MADE IT A STORY. IT'S WHAT THEY CALL A "HOOK."

WE ARE NEVER GONNA LIVE THIS DOWN.

NOBODY EVEN NOTICED YOU.

THEY WERE ALL LOOKING AT MY SHARON,

BECAUSE SHE IS A HERO.

OH, JOHNNY, COME ON, I'M NOT A HERO.

I'M A HEROINE!

HOW DO THEY KNOW THAT YOU SAVED HIM?

HE'S ON A FIXED INCOME.

HE COULD'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE CHECK.

OKAY, GUYS, COME ON!

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITY TO SAVE LIVES!

ON TELEVISION?

YOU COULD START SAVING LIVES

IN COMMUNITY THEATER AND WORK YOUR WAY UP.

HELLO?

OH, HEY, ASH.

Hey, Sharon, I was wondering if you could help me out.

OH, WHAT WAS THAT? YOU NEED HELP?

WELL, LUCKY YOU DIDN'T CALL PETE OR BERG!

I NEED YOU TO FEED MY FISH

AND PICK UP MY MAIL AND WATER MY PLANTS.

ASH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING FOR A MAID,

AND FRANKLY, I'M A HERO!

YEAH, WELL, UM, I HAD A GOOD DAY, TOO.

I FOUND OUT THAT I'M WORTH MORE ON THE STREET

THAN I AM AT THE HOSPITAL.

YOU CAN'T SILENCE ME!

YOU CAN BIND MY HANDS, YOU CAN SHACKLE MY FEET,

BUT I WILL BE HEARD!

WHOO!

I BET YOU'D LIKE TO THROW THE SWITCH RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

SHARON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

HERE, I CAME TO GET YOU OUT. I HAVE YOUR RELEASE PAPERS.

NO! NO! I AM NOT LEAVING!

I'M STAYING UNTIL MY ARRAIGNMENT TOMORROW

TO PROVE MY POINT!

OKAY, THOSE WEREN'T JUST YOUR PAPERS!

MY PARKING VALIDATION WAS IN THERE!

SHARON, I'M SORRY,

BUT I'M STANDING UP FOR SOMETHING HERE,

AND IT'S NOT JUST ME!

WE ARE PRISONERS OF CONSCIENCE!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I AM GONNA CALL AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.

THAT'S WHO I'M GONNA CALL.

GOOD. ORDER ME SOME CURLY FRIES.

ASH, PLEASE, JUST COME ON HOME.

YOU CAN GET SOME REST THERE,

AND THEN YOU CAN SHOWER BEFORE COURT TOMORROW.

NO, SHARON! FREEDOM NEVER RESTS!

TRUTH DOESN'T SHOWER!

HOW DID YOU NOT PASS THE SOBRIETY TEST?

I EXERCISED MY RIGHTS, AND I REFUSED TO TAKE IT!

YOUR RIGHT TO WHAT, BE STUPID?

SHARON, I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND,

AND YOU'RE FREE TO THINK THAT I'M STUPID,

BUT WITHOUT MY PRINCIPLES, WHAT AM I?

I'M JUST SOME MIDDLE-CLASS DO-NOTHING

WHO'D RATHER GO ALONG WITH THE CROWD

THAN STAND UP FOR WHAT SHE BELIEVES IN.

SO... I DO APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN,

BUT I'M NOT AFRAID TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN JAIL

TO GET MY DAY IN COURT.

WOW.

AND I WAS PROUD OF MYSELF FOR RECYCLING.

WELL, THAT'S JUST HOW WE'RE DIFFERENT.

YEAH. YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT, ASH?

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA BE THERE WITH YOU IN COURT TOMORROW!

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT!

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!

HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO SIT HERE

AND WAIT FOR SOMEBODY TO CHOKE?

I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE EXPECTING LIGHTNING TO STRIKE TWICE.

GIVE IT TIME.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM.

HI.

TRY THE POT ROAST.

WHAT WAS THAT?!

IT WAS JUST A COUGH. STAND DOWN.

MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY SOMEPLACE A LITTLE MORE DANGEROUS.

THERE'S AN AIRSHOW IN TOWN. THEY'RE ALWAYS HAVING CRASHES.

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! WE'LL BRING OUR SPATULAS!

LOOK, IT'S FINALS TIME AT HARVARD.

I SAY WE GO AND HANG OUT UNDER ONE OF THE DORM WINDOWS.

MMM, NAH, I DON'T WANNA SAVE ONE OF THOSE GUYS.

WE CAN WATCH JOHNNY'S GAME.

YOU GUYS DRINK BEFORE THOSE, RIGHT?

SORRY, NO GAMES FOR WEEKS YET... ICE HASN'T THICKENED YET.

KIDS HAVE BEEN FALLING THROUGH ALL WEEK.

OH.OH.

THE LAKE!

THE LAKE!

QUICK, BEFORE A KID FALLS THROUGH WITHOUT US!

HEY, THAT'S A NICE COAT.

THANKS, MY NANA GOT IT FOR ME LAST CHRISTMAS.

IS IT WARM?

YEAH. IT'S REVERSIBLE, TOO.

HEY... LET'S GO SAVE A LIFE.

NEXT CASE... 14557,

COMMONWEALTH OF MASSACHUSETTS vs ASHLEY WALKER

ON THE CHARGE OF OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE

UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

HOW DO YOU PLEAD?

YOUR HONOR, OUR FOUNDING FATHERS LAID DOWN THEIR LIVES

SO WE COULD ENJOY FREEDOM FROM GOVERNMENT INTRUSION,

AND THIS... SHH, SHH, SHH.

I'M SORRY.

I REALLY HATE TO INTERRUPT.

COULD YOU APPROACH THE BENCH, PLEASE?

NOW, LOOK...

I AM FIGHTING A MAJOR HEADACHE HERE,

SO I'M GONNA TRY TO SAVE US BOTH SOME TIME.

NOW, THIS HEARING IS REALLY A FORMALITY.

OH.

YEAH, YOU PLEAD GUILTY,

AND I SENTENCE YOU TO SIX MONTHS OF SUBSTANCE-ABUSE CLASSES.

UNDERSTOOD?

YES.

I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT FROM HERE.

GO BACK!

OH.

MISS WALKER... HOW DO YOU PLEAD?

NOT GUILTY!

PLEASE. YES, YOU. THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, I... I REALLY DON'T THINK

YOU'RE GETTING QUITE HOW THIS GOES.

OH, YEAH, I DO.

I AM A VICTIM OF THE "SYSTEM,"

AND I AM NOT GOING TO ADMIT TO SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO.

SO, IF IT PLEASES THE COURT,

I WOULD NOW LIKE TO PRESENT...

MY FIRST WITNESS.

UH, BAILIFF? ASPIRIN!

I'VE GOT SOME, YOUR HONOR, RIGHT HERE.

UH, YEAH,

I WAS WITH THE PERP ON THE NIGHT IN QUESTION.

AND, UH...

AND I CAN SAY UNEQUIVOCALLY THAT SHE WAS NOT DRINKING.

ACCORDING TO THE REPORT, SHE WAS IN THE CAR ALONE.

YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS DOING IN THE CAR.

SO SHE COULD HAVE BEEN DRINKING WHEN YOU WEREN'T AROUND.

WELL, YOU KNOW, SHE COULD HAVE. SHE DID HAVE AN OPEN BOTTLE.

EXACTLY.

OH, GEE, YOU ARE GOOD!

YOUR HONOR!

THERE IS A BASIC RIGHT TO TRAVEL FREELY IN THIS COUNTRY

WITHOUT BEING HARASSED BY THE POLICE!

LIKE THE RIGHT NOT TO HAVE LUGGAGE SEARCHED AT THE AIRPORT.

EXACTLY!

NO!

MISS WALKER, I AM TRYING TO SAVE YOU

FROM A PRISON SENTENCE HERE,

WHICH IS WHAT YOU GET IF YOU INSIST ON GOING FURTHER.

WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED

TO "INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY"?

LOOK, CHECKPOINTS HAVE BEEN PROVEN CONSTITUTIONAL.

NOW, AS MUCH AS I WOULD LIKE TO BE IN THE SUPREME COURT,

THE PRESIDENT WANTS ME HERE

JUST IN CASE SOMEBODY SHOPLIFTS A CHOCOLATE BAR.

SO YOU PLEAD GUILTY TO HAVING A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL,

AND I WILL SENTENCE YOU TO A TREATMENT PROGRAM.

B-BUT THEY... AH AH AH! SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH!

SHH, SHH. SHH, SHH.

OR YOU CAN GO TO TRIAL

AND POSSIBLY SERVE SIX MONTHS TO A YEAR IN JAIL.

NOW... WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?

WELL...

IF YOU WOULD LET ME GET A WORD IN...

I WAS GOING TO SAY...

MY NAME IS ASHLEY, AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.

OH, GREAT, THERE'S NO KIDS HERE!

LOOK, SOME DO-GOODER PUT UP A SIGN TO WARN THE KIDS.

LET'S RIP IT DOWN AND THROW IT BEHIND THE PLANT.

GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!

IT'S GETTING COLD. LET'S GO HOME.

NO, JOHNNY, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.

HEY! YOU'RE A BIG GUY.

GO OUT ONTO THE ICE.

OOH, GOOD IDEA! GOOD IDEA!

OKAY, WHEN JOHNNY FALLS IN, I'M GONNA PULL HIM OUT,

AND YOU'RE GONNA WRAP HIM IN A BLANKET.

GREAT, SO YOU'RE THE HERO, AND I'M THE STEWARDESS?

FORGET ABOUT IT!

THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GETTING ME OUT THERE ON THAT ICE.

GREAT, NOW YOU'RE WALLET'S OUT THERE.

I NEED A STICK.

I DON'T THINK A STICK'S GONNA REACH THAT.

NO, IT'S TO BEAT PETE!

YOU GOT TWO PROFESSIONAL LIFESAVERS HERE TO SAVE YOU!

NOW GIVE THE CAMERA TO BERG.

I'M NOT HOLDING THE CAMERA. YOU'RE HOLDING THE CAMERA.

I'M NOT HOLDING THE CAMERA. GIVE THE CAMERA TO THE KIDS.

WHAT ARE YOU, NEW?!

THE KIDS AREN'T GONNA TAKE THE CAMERA!

THE KIDS WON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO WORK THE CAMERA!

YOU GUYS, ARE YOU LISTENING...

HOLY CRAP, THERE'S KIDS ON THE ICE.

THIS ISN'T RIGHT. THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

THERE'S A BUNCH OF THEM, AND WE ONLY HAVE ONE BLANKET.

HEY, GUYS, CHECK IT OUT! I FOUND A WALLET!

GET OFF THE ICE!

GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET!

LICK MY SKATES!

NICE MOUTH FOR A HOCKEY PLAYER!

HEY, KIDS! ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

GET OFF THE ICE. IT ISN'T SAFE.

I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S A LOT SAFER THAN HANGING OUT

WITH THREE OLD CREEPS AND A VIDEO CAMERA!

OKAY, I GOT MY EYE ON YOU, 31!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

WAS THAT THE ICE?

YEAH, OKAY.

AAH!

ALL RIGHT, QUICK!

COLD! COLD!

GIVE ME YOUR HAND!

NO, YOU'RE NOT SAVING ME! I'M SAVING YOU!

I DON'T NEED TO BE SAVED!

I'M OKAY! I'M OKAY!

UHH!

YOU SHUT THAT CAMERA OFF!

COME ON, YOU, THE BIG ONE, USE YOUR BACK!

PLEASE!

GOD, IT'S SO COLD!

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SUSPENDED MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT HIM TO SEND AN ADMITTED DRUNK

OUT ON THE HIGHWAY.

MISS WALKER?

YOU'RE LATE. THE TRIAL'S OVER.

YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW HE SUSPENDED MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

WELL, ACTUALLY,

I WAS HOPING TO GET YOUR PHONE NUMBER

AND MAYBE TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER SOMETIME.

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

YOU WANT TO TAKE HER OUT ON A DATE?!

SHE'S OBNOXIOUS AND HAS NOTHING BUT CONTEMPT FOR YOU!

WELL... WHAT REPELS ME AS A COP

ATTRACTS ME AS A MAN.

MAN, DO YOU SO NOT KNOW HOW TO READ A SITUATION.

OKAY, THE TOP NUMBER'S MY HOME PHONE NUMBER,

AND IF YOU CAN'T REACH ME THERE,

THERE'S MY CELLPHONE AND MY PAGER.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

AND IF YOU GET BORED LATER, I'LL BE AT MY CHECKPOINT.

I'LL BRING THE WINE.

WHAT?

AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HE PUT YOU THROUGH,

YOU'RE GOING OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM?!

SHARON, I JUST GOT SPRUNG FROM THE SLAMMER!

CAN'T A GIRL GET A LITTLE ACTION?!

Man: FORTUNATELY FOR THE MEN, THE QUICK-THINKING CHILDREN

FORMED A HUMAN CHAIN OF LIFE

AND PULLED THEM OUT OF THE ICY WATERS TO SAFETY.

YOU, THE BIG ONE, USE YOUR BACK!

IRONICALLY, THE TWO MEN ARE BOTH PROFESSIONAL LIFESAVERS...

DR. MICHAEL BERGEN AND FIREMAN PETE DUNKIRK.

WHAT?! "DUNKIRK"?!

IT'S "DUNVILLE," YOU IDIOT!

I AM CALLING THAT STATION.

DON'T TURN IT ON!

I ASSURE YOU, GENTLE VIEWER,

THERE ARE NO SPECIAL EFFECTS, NO TRICK PHOTOGRAPHY.

I AM, IN FACT, THIS HANDSOME.

HOG IT, WHY DON'T YOU?

THEY'RE ALL LAUGHING AT MY BOMBING JOKE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCENE.

YOU HAD A LITTLE PIECE OF LETTUCE RIGHT HERE.

IT WAS RIGHT THERE, AND I JUST WANTED TO GO...