Original subtitles

HEY, HEY, HEY, ANY OLD DUDES STILL ALIVE IN HERE?

I BOUGHT YOU SOME GROCERIES.

I KNOW I'M A LITTLE LATE, BUT I WAS UNDER REVIEW.

APPARENTLY, SOMEONE MADE A COMPLAINT.

SOMEONE DOESN'T LIKE THE WAY THE GERM VISITS THE OLD DUDES.

YOU TWO OLD DUDES

WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, WOULD YOU?

OH, COME ON, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME!

I'M DYING FOR A GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWICH.

SO, WHERE DID WE LEAVE OFF ON OUR LAST VISIT?

OPAL, I BELIEVE THAT YOU WERE JUST SITTING THERE.

GUY, YOU WERE DOING THE SAME.

O-OKAY, THAT STARTED BEFORE I GOT HERE.

HEY THERE.

HEY.

SO, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MORNING?

OH, I HAD SUCH A HECTIC MORNING.

I HAD TO GET MY NAILS DONE,

THEN I WENT TO YOGA,

THEN I GOT MY HAIR HIGHLIGHTED.

I JUST NEED AN HOUR FOR MYSELF.

YOU MUST BE ALL PAMPERED OUT.

BABY, ARE YOU STILL MEASURING?

THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHEN I LEFT.

YES, BUT IT WAS TIME WELL-SPENT.

CHECK THIS OUT.

MOST PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU NEED 12 NAILS

PER SHEET OF DRYWALL,

BUT I FIGURED OUT HOW TO JUST USE 10.

PRETTY COOL, HUH?

WAIT A SECOND.

YOU SPENT THE ENTIRE MORNING FIGURING OUT

HOW TO SAVE TWO NAILS?

PER SHEET.

SIX SHEETS, WE'RE TALKING 12 NAILS.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

TWO NAILS... PER SHEET!

I GUESS THAT'S FUNNY.

WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

GOD, THIS HOUSE IS NEVER GONNA BE FINISHED!

I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME.

FOR TWO MONTHS, ALL YOU'VE DONE IS DESTROY WALLS.

GOD, THIS HOUSE IS STARTING TO GET REALLY OLD!

IT'S THAT YOU SAID THE HOUSE WAS STARTING TO GET OLD,

BUT IT ALREADY IS OLD BECAUSE THEY BUILT IT...

STOP.

BABY, PLEASE, I JUST NEED FOR THIS TO BE FINISHED.

ISN'T THERE SOMEBODY WHO COULD GIVE YOU A HAND?

NO! I TAKE A LOT OF PRIDE

I DOING THIS BY MYSELF.

MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER BUILT THE HOUSE I GREW UP IN.

WELL, DIG HIM UP!

'CAUSE YOU NEED HELP.

OKAY, MR. JOHNSON, I'M JUST GONNA GET YOU TO BEND OVER,

AND THIS SHOULDN'T HURT A BIT.

BERG, YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING THAT.

WHY, IS IT AGAINST HOSPITAL POLICY?

DON'T DO THAT HERE!

WHERE, ADMITTING?

WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF?! I'M TRYING TO STUDY!

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO BORED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

LET'S PLAY A GAME.

NO. I ALWAYS WIN.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA SUGGEST!

SUGGEST SOMETHING.

20 QUESTIONS.

YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH IRENE.

I WIN.

THAT'S NOT A QUESTION.

THE ANSWER IS GEORGE WASHINGTON.

AND SINCE, APPARENTLY,

YOU DON'T WANT PETE TO KNOW ABOUT IT,

FROM NOW ON, I WIN EVERYTHING.

NOW SHUT UP.

You shut up!

I don't care if you tell Pete.

WHAT? NOTHING.

Pete on radio: Do you copy?

PETE, IS THAT YOU?

We got a big fire.

Everybody got out,

but we got some smoke inhalers.

WE'LL BE READY. HOW'D IT START?

Germ: Dude, I'm on the radio!

IDIOT, THIS IS NOT A TOY.

DO YOU KNOW WHO GETS TO USE THIS?

FIREFIGHTERS, NOT FIREMAKERS.

OH, YEAH!

THAT FIREFIGHTER IS HOT, MAN.

OH, OH, I KNOW, THAT'S MARTI.

I'M SLEEPING WITH HER.

THANKS, BRO, I NEEDED A GOOD LAUGH.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

SHE'S NOT WITH YOU.

MARTI, GET OVER HERE.

IS SOMEBODY HURT?

TELL GERM YOU ARE SO MY GIRLFRIEND.

WHAT?

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.

SHE IS. HONEY, TELL HIM.

I'M TRYING TO DO MY JOB,

AND YOU CALL ME OVER HERE TO LAY CLAIM TO ME

LIKE SOME STUPID BIMBO TROPHY IN A MACHO MAN CONTEST

IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?

I WAS TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY WRONG.

BUT SINCE I ALREADY DID IT, COULD YOU JUST TELL HIM?

CALL HER BACK, AND THIS TIME SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND.

IT LOOKS GREAT!

AND IT ONLY TOOK YOU AN HOUR!

MY HUSBAND'S BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR TWO DAYS!

OH, I'M SORRY. IS HE DISABLED?

YES, HE IS.

SHARON, YOU HERE?

Get out of here! Go! Go! Go!

HEY, YOU'RE HERE, GREAT. LET'S GO EAT.

WHOA, WAIT A SECOND.

COME ON, I'M HUNGRY.

WHOSE SHIRT IS THIS?

OH, GOSH, THAT'S MINE.

WHOO! I'M RIPE.

OH, DON'T EMBARRASS US BOTH.

DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULDN'T CATCH ON, HUH?

WHERE IS HE?

OH!

OH!

OH, GOD, NO!

JOHNNY, I'M SO SORRY.

I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO FIND OUT LIKE THIS.

WHO IS THIS... scum?

I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME.

I FOUND HIM IN THE PHONE BOOK.

NO!

GOD, HOW COULD YOU?!

LOOK, JOHNNY, I TRIED TO TELL YOU,

BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN.

I MEAN, I'M A YOUNG WOMAN.

I NEED WALLS!

AND HE USED MY HAMMER.

NOT YOUR SAW, JOHNNY, I WOULDN'T LET HIM TOUCH IT.

NOW I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS BACK?!

NOW THAT HE'S HAD HIS FILTHY HANDS ALL OVER IT?!

IT ONLY TOOK HIM AN HOUR!

HE USED 14 NAILS!

BABY, BABY, BABY,

IF YOU CAN JUST LET HIM FINISH THIS ROOM,

AND THEN THE KITCHEN THE KITCHEN?!

YOU LET HIM WHERE I EAT?

OH, GOD, I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK.

AND DEEP BREATH.

I ASKED FOR YOU, YOU KNOW.

LUCKY ME.

I FEEL JUST LIKE THE PRETTY HOOKER

IN A VEGAS WHOREHOUSE.

AND LET IT OUT.

IF YOU'RE ABOUT DONE, I COULD USE A BREAK.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TOLD IRENE THAT?

I REALLY NEED YOU TO STOP MAKING JOKES ABOUT IT.

AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TOLD IRENE THAT?

OH, MAN, IS SHE SAYING WHAT I THINK SHE'S SAYING?

WHY DON'T YOU TELL THE WHOLE WORLD

I'm sleeping with Irene?!

DUDE, I WAS WAY OFF.

WELL, GERM, YOU SEEM COMPLETELY NORMAL,

OR AS CLOSE AS I CAN DETERMINE WITHOUT ACTUALLY TOUCHING YOU.

WOW. PAGING MISS ANGER.

MISS DIRECTED ANGER, YOUR TABLE'S READY.

WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?

YOUR EX IS SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMPARISON,

AND YOU'RE TAKING IT OUT ON ME.

YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT ME.

YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT WOMEN.

WOMEN AREN'T QUITE AS COMPETITIVE AS LITTLE BOYS.

IS IRENE A BETTER LOVER THAN I AM?

WHAT?

DOES SHE MAKE YOUR REAL SLIM SHADY STAND UP?

UM...

I-I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT THIS.

YOU WERE BETTER THAN NOMAR.

I KNEW IT!

SO, UM, HOW MUCH BETTER?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WAY BETTER,

OR JUST, UH, WAY, WAY BETTER?

BERG.

NO, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

LOOK, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A SINCERE CONVERSATION,

THEN FINE.

DESPITE ALL YOUR OTHER OBVIOUS FAULTS,

YOU WERE A VERY GENEROUS LOVER.

DEFINITELY THE BEST I'VE EVER BEEN WITH.

WELL, THANK YOU.

SO... WAS I BETTER THAN IRENE?

NO.

NOW I WIN!

HEY, CAN WE TALK?

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT US ON THE JOB.

THERE'S A LOT OF COUPLES WHO ARE TOTALLY COMFORTABLE

WITH SHOWING THEIR AFFECTION ON THE JOB.

LOOK AT TIM AND CLARENCE, THEY HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT.

TIM AND CLARENCE DO A LOT OF THINGS WE DON'T DO.

MARTI, STOP, PLEASE.

YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET, YOU DO,

BUT IT'S JUST THAT YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME,

THAT WHEN I SEE YOU AND I'M NEAR YOU,

YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY AND FULL OF EVERYTHING.

IT'S LIKE IF I DON'T TOUCH YOU OR HUG YOU, I'LL EXPLODE.

BUT IF YOU WANT ME TO HOLD THAT BACK, THEN I WILL.

I WILL, OKAY?

OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY.

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

PETE, YES, IT WILL.

I JUST... I CAN'T WORK WITH YOU.

I REQUESTED A TRANSFER.

OVER ONE LOUSY HUG?

WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!

THE AMISH BUILT AN ENTIRE BARN IN ONE AFTERNOON.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

I ASKED FOR GRILLED CHEESE ON WHITE,

AND THEY GAVE ME RAISIN BREAD.

THERE IS NO GOD.

DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE A POINT?

OF COURSE, YOU'RE A HOTTIE.

YEAH, SO WAS MY MOM.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE, LOOK.

A HOTTIE ISN'T A RIGHT.

SHE HAS TO BE EARNED.

SHE HAS TO BE GIVEN GIFTS AND COMPLIMENTS

AND MADE TO FEEL SPECIAL

BECAUSE SHE'S BETTER THAN THE REST OF US.

DUDE RULE NUMBER ONE...

A HOTTIE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE RIGHT,

SHE JUST HAS TO BE HOT.

SEE, THANK... THANK YOU, GERM.

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS MAN SOME WHITE BREAD?!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

I'M TAKING IT DOWN.

I WILL NOT LIVE IN THE HOUSE

WITH THE SEED OF ANOTHER MAN'S LABOR.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

I WON'T LET YOU HURT IT.

IT'S NOT ITS FAULT.

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

I AM A HOTTIE!

YOU SHOULD EARN ME!

WELL, FRANKLY, I THINK BEING

THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES ANY WORK AROUND HERE IS PAYMENT ENOUGH.

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

THE ONLY REASON YOU NOTICE ME NOT GETTING THIS DONE

IS YOU JUST SIT AROUND ALL DAY AND LOOK AT IT.

YOU DON'T THINK I'M BUSY?

I HAPPEN TO VOLUNTEER OVER 20 HOURS A WEEK AT THE HOSPITAL

HELPING THOSE WHO ARE LESS FORTUNATE THAN US.

WELL, WE DON'T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY FOR YOU TO DO GOOD DEEDS.

SO YOU'D RATHER I GET A JOB THAT PAYS?

YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME MISERABLE?

I JUST WANT YOU TO GET A JOB THAT PAYS.

IF IT MAKES YOU MISERABLE, SO MUCH THE BETTER.

MAYBE WE SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR SISTERS

AND CALL IT EVEN.

MY SISTERS PRACTICALLY RAISED ME.

WELL, WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FINISH THE JOB?

IF I COULD THINK OF SOMETHING MEAN AND CLEVER TO SAY,

I WOULD SO SAY IT RIGHT NOW!

ASHLEY, YOU DID A REALLY GOOD SUTURE

ON THAT LAST PATIENT.

SEE, YOU DO THAT BETTER THAN IRENE.

YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN, NOW GET OFF OF ME.

BOY, DOES THAT BRING BACK MEMORIES.

WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE DOING THIS TO GET BACK AT ME.

I'M NOT.

OH, COME ON.

I'M AN EXPERIENCED WOMAN OF THE WORLD

AND SHE'S FRECKLES AND HAIR.

HEY, LOOK, IRENE IS A WONDERFUL PERSON.

SHE IS SWEET, SHE IS CARING, AND IN THE OPINION OF THE COURT,

NO LONGER A DANGER TO HERSELF OR SOCIETY.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU LIKE HER.

DO NOT! YOU LIKE HER!

YOU LEAPT TO HER DEFENSE

THE MINUTE I SAID SOMETHING SLIGHTLY NEGATIVE ABOUT HER.

YOU CALLED HER "FRECKLES AND HAIR."

SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT YOU SHOULD LIKE

THE PERSON YOU'RE MAKING LOVE TO.

WE ARE NOT MAKING LOVE. WE ARE HAVING SEX!

WE ARE HAVING DIRTY, DIRTY SEX!

HEY.

HEY.

LISTEN, I HAVE A PROFESSIONAL QUESTION.

HOW BADLY DOES SOMETHING HAVE TO BE BURNED

BEFORE I CAN TAKE IT HOME?

COME ON, I KILLED WITH THAT ON THE FIRST TWO FLOORS.

PLEASE.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.

THE ONLY TIME WE FIGHT IS WHEN WE'RE AT WORK.

SO I THINK ONE OF US SHOULD GET A TRANSFER.

YOU DO?

YEAH, AND THEN WE'LL SPEND ALL OUR TIME

DOING THE THINGS WE LOVE,

LIKE YOU COOKING FOR ME AND GIVING ME A BACKRUB.

WE LOVE THAT.

PETE, LISTEN, I JUST...

I THINK THAT WE NEED SOME TIME APART

IN OUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP, AS WELL.

ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?

Man on radio: Company 54, fire in Peabody.

I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.

IT WAS ONE LOUSY HUG!

OH, HELLO, BERGER MEISTER.

MEISTER BERGER.

WHAT IS IT? YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME FUNNY.

I THINK I LIKE YOU!

OH!

I JUST DON'T THINK SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO CRITICIZE

WHEN I'M THE ONE WORKING LIKE A DOG.

VOLUNTEERING AT THE HOSPITAL, IT'S NOT A REAL JOB.

TELL ME ABOUT IT. SHE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.

I JUST SIT AROUND WATCHING HER SIT AROUND.

SO YOU WANT MY ADVICE?

ACTUALLY, NO.

NO?

I JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO VENT TO.

NO OFFENSE, BUT YOU DRESS FUNNY, YOU TALK FUNNY,

I'M PRETTY SURE YOU THINK FUNNY.

ALL RIGHT, NOW DO MY MOM.

OH, THERE YOU ARE, JOHNNY.

PBS CALLED.

THEY WANT YOU TO BE ON "THIS OLD LAZY HUSBAND."

OKAY, YOU SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU PUT UP WITH IT.

W-W-W-WAIT.

YOU SAID I'M ALWAYS RIGHT BECAUSE I'M A HOTTIE.

YEAH, BUT YOU'RE NOT MY HOTTIE.

LOOK, BIG DADDY'S BASICALLY WORKING TWO JOBS FOR YOU.

SO EITHER GET OFF HIS DIME OR GIVE HIM HIS PROPS.

THANK YOU.

HE MAY THINK FUNNY, BUT HE TALKS SENSE.

AND YOU, YOU GOTTA PICK UP THE PACE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU ARE JUST SO SLOW.

I MEAN, I'VE WATCHED THE WAY YOU WALK, THE WAY YOU EAT.

YOU EVEN BREATHE SLOW.

JEEZ, YOU SHOULD SEE HIM REACH FOR A CHECK.

LOOK, MAN, YOU DID MARRY A HOTTIE.

YOU CAN'T KEEP HER LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT FOREVER.

SO EITHER GET YOUR ACT IN GEAR OR YOUR BUDDY'S GONNA SPLIT.

AND YOU ALREADY DID WAY BETTER THAN YOU DESERVE.

OH, NO, HE DIDN'T.

YEAH, HONEY, ACTUALLY, I DID.

NOW THAT I SAID IT, YOU'RE GONNA USE IT AGAINST ME.

I PROMISE.

YOU WON'T SEE IT COMING.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA GET SOME HELP WITH THE HOUSE.

OKAY, I'LL GET A JOB.

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA START LOOKING?

WHEN YOU GET HELP.

THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT HOUSE.

OH, I KNOW, I KNOW.

AND THE GERM IS WELCOME ANYTIME.

OKAY, ALL CLEAR.

GOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I JUST WANT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.

CAN WE HAVE IT ON THE GROUND?

THIS IS TOO IMPORTANT.

I DON'T WANT YOU RUNNING OFF TO SAVE PEOPLE.

FINE, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT?

OKAY, FIRST OFF, LOSE THE ATTITUDE.

WHY ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?

COME ON.

UH-UH-UH-UH-UH-UH. NOT YET.

IS IT BECAUSE I'M TOO CONTROLLING?

BECAUSE I COULD STOP THAT.

NO, IT'S NOT THAT.

THEN WHAT IS IT?

MARTI, WHATEVER IT IS, I CAN TAKE IT.

JUST TELL ME.

I MET SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU SLUT!

PETE!

WHO?

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

MARTI, WHO?

NOMAR.

Get in.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

I'll be fine.

YOU JUST COULDN'T WAIT TO TELL ME, COULD YOU?

HEY, OLD DUDES.

THE PLACE DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD.

Oh, boy.

WELL, SORRY I CAN'T STAY.

I'VE BEEN, UH, REASSIGNED.

IT SEEMS I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WORK ANYWHERE

WITHOUT A CAMERA IN THE CEILING.

BUT I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU

THAT I'M GONNA THINK ABOUT YOU GUYS

ANY TIME I SEE TWO PEOPLE JUST SITTING.

I KNOW THIS IS JUST AS HARD ON YOU AS IT IS ON ME.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

THERE'S NOTHING TO SAY.

OH, I GUESS THIS IS GOODBYE.