Original subtitles

He's not here yet, huh?

No.

Setting the table? Good, good.

You excited?

I've had champagne before.

Yeah, but have you had Bobby Riggs for dinner before?

Forgive me, but to me, he's just not

the greatest thing since Turhan Bey.

He's popular. People mob him wherever he goes!

That's right, Felix.

I know some women's libbers who'd love

to get their hands on him.

Oscar, is he really like the public image he presents?

How's that?

Obnoxious.

Oh, come on, Miriam, he's a pussycat.

Wait'll you read the article I'm writing about him.

He's really got a great sense of humor.

He left a note in my office.

Now listen to this:

"At 7:00 tonight, Bobby Riggs will kiss you on the mouth

and you'll enjoy it. I bet you $20."

Who is it? Bobby Riggs.

Is the bet still on?

Yes.

My name is Roberta Riggs, but my friends call me Bobby.

The man paid me ten dollars to do this.

Hi, Oscar.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

Pleasure to meet you, Felix,

and also a member of the weaker sex.

Weaker sex?

Isn't... isn't that just your opinion, Mr. Riggs?

No, it's a proven fact.

All through history, men have been superior; right?

Right. Bobby says a woman is good for cooking in the kitchen,

cleaning in the living room

and fooling around in the bedroom.

Sweetheart, don't take that seriously.

We're not all like that.

Tell them about the time you beat that lady golf champ!

Just what are you trying to prove, Mr. Riggs?

Simply this: That any man can beat any woman at anything,

anywhere, anytime.

Just like your match with Billie Jean King?

What match?

I don't remember any match.

No, he told me that was a fluke.

Somebody hid his vitamin pills.

You expect me to buy an alibi like that?

Why, I could have beaten you that day.

Miriam, he's a guest!

Miriam, baby, if you want to challenge me,

I'll beat you at anything you want.

What do you say, baby?

First off, don't call me baby.

Secondly, I want you to know that I think

that you're the most arrogant,

egocentric, male chauvinist

that I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.

Thank you.

Lose her number.

Listen, I got the champagne... Come on, let's celebrate.

I'm sorry, I don't feel like

celebrating the arrival of Mr. Riggs.

Come on, Felix.

Mr. Riggs, I think you owe Miriam an apology.

What for?

I think you lost him, Bobby.

He wanted to sign you up as a charter member of his new club.

What's that?

It's a new organization he's forming

to celebrate his manhood.

It's called the Male Chauvinists of America.

Otherwise known as "Riggs' Pigs."

I think I have a headache.

I'm gonna go home.

Mr. Riggs, I don't have to join a club to celebrate my manhood.

You want me to go with you, sweetie?

Oh, I don't care.

Felix, she says she has a headache.

You'll just be wasting your time.

You're never gonna get him to join your club now.

Not only will I not join your club,

but I will do everything in my power to oppose it, sir,

until you apologize to every woman in America,

and particularly to Miss Welby.

Fat chance!

Good night, sir.

And good night to you, sir.

In five minutes, turn the oven down to 325.

Boy, Oscar, what a great dinner.

Terrific roast.

Felix made it. He's a great cook.

That's what I've been telling you all along,

that men even make better cooks.

But what I can't understand is how did you ever wind up

with a character like that Felix as a roommate?

Oh, he's not such a bad guy.

Hey, how about giving me a chance to get my $20 back?

What $20?

You know, Roberta Riggs at the door

when you came in... that stuff.

Aw, here, Oscar, that was just a gag... take it.

I can't do that. A bet's a bet.

Go ahead. No, no. I got a better idea.

Why don't we cut for high card, okay?

See who wins.

Takes no time, okay?

I don't know...

Oh, I'm very good at this game.

I'll show you... look at this... watch:

Seven for me, three for you.

Eight for me, four for you.

See? I win all the time.

Okay, okay. Double or nothing.

Let's go. $20.

I'll go first.

Eight.

Ten.

You snipped me at the wire, didn't ya?

Got lucky that time, didn't ya?

Okay, that's $40. Here we go.

King. Sorry there, buddy.

Ace.

$80, isn't it? You got lucky.

You nipped me twice, you little...

You go first. Go ahead... $80.

Go ahead.

Three.

Gotcha this time, didn't I?

With a two.

That's two; that's $160. Excuse me a minute, will ya?

What's doing?

King for me, four for him.

Nine for me...

How come I win over here, I can't win over there?

Let me get this straight: now, the handicap is you gotta

get five in a row in the wastebasket

and I gotta get one out of five, right? That's right, Oscar.

That's it. You get five and I get one and I still win. Right.

Five in a row for you, one for me. Go, buddy.

Now, one out of five for me, right? I win.

That's right. It's not so hard. No.

Hang a little back, okay?

You don't have to be laughing about it, will ya?

Wait for your shot.

One, two!

Give me a break!

Will ya stop? Will ya?

One more I got.

Look at this!

Okay, this one is for the club chair,

the two candlesticks and the carpet.

In there!

Wha...? What's the matter?

Are you sick, huh?

You got a fever?

Time is up.

98.6.

98.8.

You lose.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

Hustling tires a man.

How does he do it?!

What are you, what are you doing in your underwear?

I didn't bet it yet.

You mean...

you've been gambling with him all night long?

Yeah.

How much have you lost so far?

Everything.

You say everything.

What do you mean by everything?

When I say everything, I mean every thing, Felix.

Oh, Oscar, how could you, a knowledgeable newspaperman,

be hustled by this notorious hustler?

It wasn't a hustle. I just lost, that's all.

What do you know about hustling, all of a sudden?

I know I own a pair of pants and a shirt.

You're the guy standing here in his underwear.

Just worry about yourself.

All I care about is he gives me a chance to get even.

I want this gambling to stop and I want him out of here!

Well, he's not leaving, Felix.

How come? Wh-What's going on around...?

I thought I heard him leaving in the middle of the night.

He did.

Well, what's he doing back here?

He just went to the hotel to get his stuff.

You invited him to stay here?

Well, I mean, not exactly.

Well, tell him to leave.

I can't.

Why can't you?

It's his apartment now.

I bet him the lease.

You bet him the lease?

It was all I had left.

Tennis, anyone?

How do I look?

Terrific.

Wish me luck.

Where you going?

I'm on my way to a grudge match.

Who you gonna play with?

Twin grandmothers.

I'm playin' 'em for their piano.

Felix, now, he's not a bad guy.

He promised he wouldn't raise the rent.

Oh, hi, Mr. Riggs.

I got your uniform from the cleaners.

You're a strange little guy!

I'll get that.

Bobby Riggs' office.

Yeah, formerly

Oscar Madison's office, for whom we are still taking calls

and who we love and miss very much.

Just a minute, please.

It's for you, Mr. R.

I'm gonna go to lunch now.

If you need anything while I'm out, bet somebody for it.

Bobby Riggs. Hi.

Don't worry.

Of course it's still on.

I'll be there.

Just make certain that she's there.

No, I haven't boxed in 20 years,

but I'll get down to the gym. I'll work out.

Don't worry about me. I'll kill her.

By the way, does she cut easy?

Oh, good, good, good.

Okay, it's all set.

I'll call you later.

Good-bye.

You're going to box a woman?

That is absolutely reprehensible.

It won't be easy.

I'm giving away 20 pounds.

Well, in that sense, it's perfectly fair, of course.

I'd like to talk to you privately, if I may.

Sit down.

Thank you.

This is about Oscar Madison.

You claim he's your friend, but you capitalized

on his weakness for gambling and you've hustled him

out of everything he owns and everything

he will own for the next five years.

Felix, I didn't hustle Oscar.

He just ran into a series of bad breaks.

Oh, come on.

Those were sucker bets and you know it.

It was a clear case of him being the sucker and you the suckee.

Now, I'm asking you like a friend: help him.

I'd be glad to do anything for Oscar.

I love him.

Look, even though I won his office,

I let him work out of here.

That's very generous of you.

But if you mean it, you'd let him get even.

You'd bet him on something that he could win.

Have you got any suggestions?

Well, something that he's... he's a good writer.

That's it. I'll bet him

that he can't type his own name right in ten seconds.

Would you do that?

Felix, you can count on me.

Aw, thank you. You'll see.

You'll love doing something decent for a change.

Would you like to have a chance to get even?

I've never been even in my whole life.

You mean I can win everything back? Yes.

I got nothing left to bet with.

Tell you what, I'll bet you for Felix.

Bet Felix?!

Yeah. You know, he does the washing, the cooking,

takes care of stuff... you know. - Oh, Bobby,

you'll like Felix.

You know, it's not a bad idea.

I don't have to tell him if I lose.

He does that stuff anyw... What's the bet?

I'm gonna make it easy for you. What?

I'm gonna bet you that you can't type your name right in ten seconds.

What kind... What'd you do?

You monkeying around with the keys?

You rearrange the letters? What?

No, no, no, just psychological pressure.

But that's no psychological pressure.

I've been writing my name on my column for ten years.

What do you think, Murray?

Well, if you don't crack, you'll be great.

Just "Oscar Madison," right? Right.

You got yourself a bet.

Now, no tricks, right? No tricks.

I type my name in ten seconds, I get everything back, right? Right.

Okay, buddy, you got it.

Oscar Madison.

Let me practice.

Oscar... Madison.

Want to increase the bet,

make it for something more interesting?

I'm already betting a human being.

How can I make it more interesting?

Poor Felix!

Murray!

Okay, "Oscar Madison." This is it.

For the whole bundle... let's go.

Ready? Yeah.

Go!

One, two, three... There we go!

Three... seven seconds. Here we go.

"Oscar Madisoy."

What Madi... Not "Madisoy"! How could that be?

Hey, if you had been Chinese, you'd have won.

How could I have made a mistake like that?

Well, you see the last letter?

You typed a "Y" instead of an "N." I know what I did!

Oscar, I'm gonna give you another chance.

You will? Go ahead.

Yes. Aw, isn't he a nice guy?

Yeah. Here we go. Ready?

All right... go. Go!

One, two, three... Okay. There we go.

Seven seconds, and there it is... "Oscar Madisox."

Shoe shine,

laundry to take in, pick up suits,

call for a dental appointment,

and don't forget to pick up

the grandmothers' piano.

I'm sorry, Felix.

I had nothing left to bet with.

He likes you.

Believe me, I felt lousy when I lost you.

Ask Murray, he'll tell you.

In 1776,

Thomas Jefferson signed the Declaration of Independence.

In 1863,

Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation.

But in 1973,

American history was rewritten by "Oscar Madisoy..."

who cast his best friend into slavery.

Well, if you think I'm going along with this, you're crazy!

Ungers have always been free!

Oh, Felix, go along with it a little bit,

otherwise I'll be known as a welsher all over town.

Believe me, I'll win you back.

No, you won't.

You'll lose, double or nothing,

and I'll have to bring in my brother from Buffalo.

I'll win myself back.

How? What are you gonna do,

challenge him to a floor-waxing contest?

Don't worry, there's plenty I can do better than Mr. Riggs.

Felix, what can you do that he can't do better?

I'll bet I can hold a note longer.

♪ Ah... ♪

I won my freedom! That's it for me!

Abe Lincoln would be proud of you.

Good, good!

I beat Bobby Riggs!

Congratulations, Felix.

I got to get back to work... I got to finish this column.

I beat him!

I hope that taught him a lesson.

First, he underestimated women,

and then he underestimated Ungers!

Come on, help me celebrate my victory... buy me a drink.

No, I can't... I really got to finish this column.

Aw, you poor guy.

Look at... Bob Cratchit.

Riggs... I've had my eye on you.

I think you're a sporting man;

I'd like to make you a proposition.

I accept.

I want to win back everything Oscar's lost.

Felix, I don't want to lose this spot...

I'll end up typing on paper towels.

Listen to a winner talk.

What do you say, Riggs?

What would you put up?

You name it, boy.

Uncle Bobby wants you.

If I win, you become a charter member of Riggs' Pigs.

Name your game, sport.

Ping-Pong.

Ping-Pong?! That's my game!

I'll play both of you at the same time.

He'll play both of us at the same time!

I'll give you 12 points. 12 points!

That's nothing... he's a champ!

All right, make it 19 points.

19 points?! 21's the game!

You got yourself a deal, sport.

Felix, are you out of your mind?

What did you just do?

What did I do?

I hustled him, baby.

Say, where's Felix?

I don't know, he was supposed to meet me here.

That's it. Do you think he chickened out?

Gather round, everybody.

I've been practicing for half an hour.

Practicing is secondary.

I've been preparing psychological pressure.

What's in the box?

Pressure, my boy, pressure.

We're gonna psyche him out.

Felix, professionals

have tried to psyche him out and failed.

But they don't have the crazy Unger mind.

I've thought of things that nobody else will think about.

You know what he's gonna see the first time he looks at me?

Billie Jean King.

That's not bad. Yes!

Isn't that great? That's good.

It's gonna psyche him out.

And then when he looks at you,

he's gonna be doubly psyched out.

You know why?

He's gonna see two heads.

Felix, I think you're trying to psyche me out.

Come on, be sensible, be reasonable.

Come on. All right.

You be Billie Jean King, and I'll wear the two heads.

Fine. Good. Okay.

How's it look?

Like Siamese strangers.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, the old double-head bit.

And Billie Jean King cut-out.

Oh...

All right, Mr. Riggs will serve.

The score is Felix and Oscar 19,

Bobby nothing.

Gee, that was fast.

Oh, it's a handicap.

Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready, ready, ready.

Hold it, hold it, hold it! What's the matter?

Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Come on.

You want this side of the table? I don't care.

You can have this side if you want. What's the difference?

We'll be rotten on both sides of the table.

That's good; that's good. Keep arguing... that'll distract him.

Aw, come on, will ya! Say something to me.

Felix, will you play the game?

Yeah. See? I'm making both heads shake.

Serve! Are you ready? Yes.

Okay.

Ah! MURRAY: Point Unger-Madison.

It worked! It worked!

Of course it worked... you think you're dealing with some neophyte?

The score is nothing to 20, favor of Unger-Madison.

Yay! Serve, Mr. Riggs.

Okay, ready? Ready.

Why didn't you hit that? It was to my backhand.

Point, Mr. Riggs.

If it comes on this side, you got to hit it.

Technicalities. You hear that?

Felix, will you stop? Come on, now!

The score is one to 20.

Serve, Mr. Riggs.

Okay. You fellas ready? Yeah.

Point Riggs.

He missed again.

The score is two to 20.

Point Riggs.

Three to 20.

Serve, Mr. Riggs.

Serve, Mr. Riggs.

Point Riggs!

Six to 20.

It was on your side of the table!

- You hear that? - Point Riggs.

16 to 20.

18 to 20.

We're not playing baseball here!

20 to 20.

Two points to win!

Mr. Riggs to serve.

Score: 21 to 20.

Riggs. Are you fellas ready?

Oscar? Felix? Huh?

What? Yeah, ready, sure, sure. Let's go. Yeah.

Get it!

Did you get it? No, I thought you got it.

Point, set and game. I didn't even see it.

Game Riggs. 22 to 20.

Nice try, fellas, but not good enough.

Hey, Bobby, aren't you gonna jump over the net?

Not this time.

Felix, Oscar. Bobby.

Felix, I've been waiting a long time to get you;

I finally did.

Welcome as a charter member to Riggs' Pigs.

Felix, I know in your heart, you're not a pig.

Don't feel bad, Mr. Unger...

You got a good head on your shoulders.

Well, you did the best you could.

Here's your reward for being a good umpire, Murray.

Gee, what a funny little nose.

Let's play again. I'm hot!

Can't... somebody else has got the room booked.

Who is it? I'm hot tonight.

I'll play anybody.

Uh-oh, forget it.

Oscar, Oscar, it's... It's... mm!

Hi. Hi, Billie Jean.

Long time no see.

Who'd you hustle today?

Well, at least you're smarter now...

You're only playing men.

How about a game of ping-pong?

How much? 50 cents?

Big spender.

Winner take all. Right.

Here we go. Okay.

Okay, boys.

Psst.

We could take them in doubles.

Thanks for a great dinner.

I've really enjoyed visiting with you guys. We enjoyed you.

Listen, we haven't had a chance to get even yet.

I'll bet you everything you won from Oscar

that within five seconds that door will open,

Jack Kramer will walk in, kiss you on the mouth

and you'll love it.

You've got a bet.

My name is Jacqueline Kramer,

but my friends call me Jackie.

You win.

You hustled me, baby.

Come on, I'll give you a tennis lesson.

For ten bucks, she'll say she's anybody.