Original subtitles

♪ And I say it 'cause I love ♪

♪ Having you around. ♪

Thank you.

Jaye P. Morgan, ladies and gentlemen!

Hi. Come on in. Hi.

Miss Morgan'll be here in a minute.

Thank you. Oh, thank you.

Come on, come on. Oh, look!

Oh, isn't this beautiful!

A star's dressing room... wow!

Oh!

Boy, I'm really impressed with you, boy.

A date with Jaye P. Morgan... wow.

It's a giant step up

from crazy Rhoda Zimmerman, I'll tell you that.

Look, you wanted to meet her; I'm going to introduce you.

Then you're going to take a giant step out of here, right?

Right. Okay.

Well, fooled 'em again.

Oh, you sang great tonight.

Hi. Thank you.

You know my manager, Bernie Morty, don't you?

Yeah. Hi. Delighted.

Oh, I'd like you to meet Miriam Welby, Jaye P. Morgan.

Oh, hi. I loved your show.

Felix Unger, Jaye P. Morgan.

Miss Morgan, you were just, just marvelous!

Just absolutely marvelous.

A flawless performance.

You're a total pro. Just...

Aw, you were disappointed, weren't you?

He doesn't understand your kind of humor.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just kidding.

Make yourselves at home.

I'm gonna change, okay?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Terrific... Wow. Wow.

What are you doing?

She said, "Make yourself at home."

Where's the cap for this?

Here it is, and now leave everything alone, will you?

I'm just straightening her dressing room...

Felix! Uh, oh, look at the albums over there on the table.

Ooh, boy! Yeah!

Oh, all the ones we have.

Uh, excuse me, sweetheart.

Listen, I got to run along, honey.

Good show.

Thanks. Listen, I'll see you later.

By the way, is everything set for Vegas?

Yeah. Say, but what do you say we add one more "up" tune?

Something we've never done before.

Something fresh, huh? - Okay.

Delighted.

Thank you, Mr. Morty.

Did you hear that?

What?

What Mr. Morty said.

Yeah. Delighted.

What he said before that.

No. What did he say?

He said she should add an "up" tune.

So?

How does a big singer

like that find new tunes?

I guess where she finds the old tunes...

From a professional songwriter.

New kid just can't get a break.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

You're not a new kid.

You're old enough to be a professional,

but you're not.

Now, forget it, Felix.

I wasn't talking about me.

Now, I-I... I wrote that hit song in the army.

Oh, not the army song!

Oh, that. I didn't mean that.

It's... I-It's up. It's up, boy.

It's an "up" tune. It's up...

Oscar, would you mind handing me

my beige shoes, please?

Okay.

Which one? These?

Mm.

♪ Let's hit Hitler where he lives ♪

♪ An American never forgives... ♪

I wrote this song in the army. I won the Silver Canteen

for it.

♪ Let's force him to surrender... ♪

The Gold Canteen was won by "In Der Führer's Face."

♪ In incendiary splendor ♪

♪ Let's hit Hitler where he lives. ♪

It's called "To a Sour Kraut."

Felix, Germany isn't our enemy anymore.

What a waste of a good song.

I just wanted to show you an "up" tune, you know.

Yeah, and now, Felix, we're going to leave. Yeah, yeah.

Felix, it was wonderful meeting you.

I hope I see you again soon. Thank you.

And keep writing those "up" tunes. I will.

I won't let you down, I promise you.

We're gonna be a smash in Vegas.

Good-bye.

I really like him. He's cute.

♪ Let's hit Hitler where he lives... ♪

It's not right.

I'm trying to write a new song for Jaye P. Morgan,

but that great old tune of mine is so catchy,

it just keeps going through my mind.

Maybe I could modernize it.

♪ Let's kiss Kissinger where he lives... ♪

Felix, can't you kiss Kissinger

some other place, some other time?

I'll just have to work this out for myself.

I'm not gonna bother you; I'm gonna work softly.

You can help me by typing softly.

I got it!

Morgan!

Now what is Jaye P. Morgan?

She's happy and peppy.

Got to write a happy and peppy song.

Now, what words suggest happy and peppy?

Happy and peppy.

Happy... and peppy what?

Bernstein.

Happy and peppy Bernstein?

No, no, no, it's got nothing to do with you.

He's the manager of the fighter I'm writing about.

What's the fighter's name? Jo Jo Luft.

Luft. Luft.

Bernstein and Luft.

Bernstein and... Ah...

Happy and peppy and bursting with love.

That's going to work. That's going to work!

♪ Happy and peppy and bursting with love... ♪

See?

It's a different melody altogether.

It's different. Now...

Now, for the second line, I need something

to keep that happy and peppy leitmotif going.

♪ Dancing, singing ♪

♪ Dancing and singing... ♪

Dancing.

It's got to rhyme with love.

What rhymes with love?

Skies above.

Oh, that's old hat.

Heavens above.

That's fresh?!

♪ Dancing and singing to heavens above... ♪

Think it's too much like "The Impossible Dream"?

I got a roll going here.

Roll. Roll.

I can use that.

♪ Jumping and rolling, like... ♪

What? What rhymes... What...?

What jumps and rolls?

A frog with a hernia.

Shut up, please!

Shut up.

Up. Up. Lup. Dup.

Gup. Cup. Sup. Pup.

Pup! Pup! Pup!

That's good.

♪ Jumping and rolling like a little pup... ♪

You see, and the melody goes down.

That's good.

♪ Like a little pup... ♪

What are you writing?

"If he hits me, I'm gonna get up again."

That's good. I can use that.

♪ If they knock me down, I'm gonna bounce back up... ♪

And the melody goes up.

You see, you're an inspiration to me.

That's good. That's very good.

What are you writing now?

I need another line.

"Blood spurted profusely

from both nostrils at the sound of the bell."

Can you use that, Mozart?

The bell... I can use the bell.

♪ I'm gonna answer when I hear the bell ♪

♪ Happy, precocious, and swell. ♪

I've finished the song.

All by myself, and you helped.

You want your name on it?

No, no, you can keep all the glory.

I only write songs as a hobby.

Ah. I got to work on this.

I've got to polish it and make it so professional.

Just perfect for Jaye P. Morgan.

Here we go again.

♪ Let's Hitler where he lives... ♪

Such a catchy tune.

Quiet in the studio, please.

Quiet, quiet, quiet.

Tape is rolling.

"To be or not to be.

That is the question."

Testing, testing.

Good. Where's Oscar?

Oscar!

Oscar!

Pilot to tower, pilot to tower.

Request landing.

Come on, let's go.

Ah... What are you doing?

What's going on here?

You of all people should know.

This was your idea.

It was my idea to turn my living room

into a cocktail lounge?

I'm acting like a professional.

We're making a professional demo tape.

When you hear it, you'll take it with pride

to Jaye P. Morgan and say, "Here is a professional song."

Now... And this is a professional rock group?

What's their names... "The No Dimensions?"

Come on. Don't kid around.

These are very accomplished people.

Miriam studied bass as an adult.

You've heard Murray on guitar.

Yeah, "Nose-ay" Feliciano.

On piano, we've got me.

And you're my tambourine man.

Okay.

Come on. I don't know how to play this thing.

That's okay, Oscar. I'm faking it.

I just know how to spin it.

Yeah, it'll be a gas gigging with you, Oscar.

Where'd you pick up that lingo?

Oh, we busted a rock group last week.

This is going to be so much fun.

I don't know what to do.

You just follow me.

You're the percussion section.

You feel it. You feel it.

Now, is everybody set?

Quiet in the studio, please.

Tape... Shh! Shh!

Keep the thing... It's not me. It's the thing.

Shh! Shh! Shh!

Tape is rolling.

"Happy and Peppy and Bursting with Love"

by Felix Unger.

Take one.

One, two, three...

♪ Happy and Peppy... ♪

Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Yeah!

What are doing?

You told me to feel it.

You're carrying on like a crazy Gypsy. What is that?

I'm feeling, feeling. You want me to feel it, I'm feeling it.

You feel the accents.

You put in accents, not the whole thing, mish-mosh!

What kind of accents?

Happy. Like that. You want me to hit it?

You underline the word.

Quiet in the studio, please.

Tell me... Tape... shh, shh!

Tape is rolling. "Happy and Peppy,"

take two.

♪ Happy and peppy and bursting with... ♪

You're doing it again!

I hit it! You told me to hit it like this.

You hit it after "happy," you didn't hit it after "peppy."

You didn't tell me to hit it after "peppy."

You said hit it after "happy."

Happy... and peppy... and bursting with love.

You want two after "love." Tell me...

That's right. Don't you feel it?

Sure. Happy...

Quiet in the studio, please.

This a demo, boy.

This is professional.

This is the only thing she's going to hear.

It's got to be perfect.

Yeah, this could mean a lot of money to us, Oscar.

You know how much that rock group

that we busted made on just one song?

How much?

A quarter of a million dollars.

Just four guys who met in jail.

A quarter of a million dollars?!

It happens all the time... Overnight millionaires.

I turned down the biggest bribe of my career.

Your tambourine man is back.

All right.

Quiet in the studio. Tape is rolling.

"Happy and Peppy and Bursting with Love"

by Felix Unger.

And Oscar Madison.

Take three.

One, two, three.

♪ Happy and peppy and bursting with love ♪

♪ Dancing and singing to heaven above ♪

♪ Jumping and rolling like a little pup ♪

Arf! Arf!

♪ If you knock me down ♪

♪ I'm gonna bounce back up, yeah ♪

♪ Happy and peppy and feeling so swell ♪

♪ I'm gonna answer when I hear the bell ♪

♪ I'll trod down that field with fury ferocious ♪

♪ Happy, precocious and swell. ♪

Yeah!

I don't understand why we have to come here.

Why don't we go direct to Jaye P. Morgan?

Wolfman Jack is the biggest disc jockey

in the country and he's a friend.

I want his professional opinion.

If he likes it, I'll bring it to Jaye.

And let me do the talking.

If you need any help. Give me a cue.

Yeah, if you see me drop my pants

and do the "Funky Chicken," that's your cue.

Come on.

Mm!

Feel all those vibrations, sweetheart;

get it into your soul, on WNBC 66...

Wolfman.

Oh, Oscar Madison!

How you doin'? Gimme ten, baby!

Oh, I can't tell you how much I appreciate

you taking the trouble to listen to our song.

Oh, with the Wolfman, good vibes of friendship,

you understand. This is my partner, Felix Unger.

He's got the music with him.

Give me ten, Felix.

Give ten.

Get down with your bad self.

Good, baby.

He's your partner?

Listen, Wolfy, we know you're busy, so...

we'll just leave the music, okay, Felix?

Well, listen, I dig the tape.

I will definitely listen to the tape.

Yeah, at your own leisure, of course.

Solid. All right, definitely.

Definitely. We-We just want you to know

that we are cognizant of your position

as arbiter of taste for the younger generation.

Most appreciative, sir.

What's he talking about?

What's... what's he talking about?

Just leave the tape, Felix.

Have you, uh, have you got a machine here

or are you going to take it into another room

and listen in privacy?

I'll dig the tape, like, I'll dig the tape.

Here's the sheet music, in case you want to follow along.

Give me the tape. Give me the tape. And the tape. Yes.

We-We... thank you.

Thank you. Solid.

"Now if you stand real close to your radio,

"the Wolfman is gonna inject a little boogie

"right into your ever-lovin' soul.

"Now let's all ride the elephant of happiness

through the jungle of love, mama."

Felix, he doesn't read it,

if he read it like that, he would be unemployed.

You gotta give it feeling.

You gotta move it, you gotta do the whole...

Let me see that... I'll show you.

"Now if you stand real close to the radio,

"the Wolfman is gonna inject a little boogie

"right into your ever-lovin' soul, into your ever-lovin'...

Through the love of ma..."

Yeah, but it fattens your pocket.

"Now if you stand real close to the radio..."

That's it. Move! That-a-boy! That's it! Yeah, go!

"The Wolfman's gonna inject a little boogie

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! "right into your ever-lovin' soul.

"Now let's all ride the elephant of happiness

Through the j..."

I dig sound.

I dig, I dig noises... Brass, scratches,

screams in the night, you understand?

I mean, I dig noise, man,

but... this is something else.

You brought me down.

I mean, I haven't been this down since 1957.

Later.

Right now, let's get rid of all the weird vibrations

out of the studio here tonight.

I want you all to lay your hand on the radio

and feel all the goodness

I gonna lay on you this evening, friends.

Wolfman coming down off that battery acid I drank last night.

Ahh...!

Will you, please?

Oscar? Come on, please?

Please show her the song.

No!

Just for me?

No. Please.

Like the Wolfman said,

"Your song's nowhere."

Forget the Wolfman.

He wasn't reacting to the song.

He was reacting to me. He hates me.

And he didn't have the guts to take it out on me,

so he took it out on our song.

No, no, not our song; your song.

He attacked your song... see?

I don't want anything to do with it

and I'm gonna take my name right off it now.

There you go.

What have you got here? Hors d'oeuvres.

I made 'em myself. That's not frozen.

Liverwurst on potato chips

is hors d'oeuvres? Yeah.

Come on, please.

Jaye P. Morgan's gonna be right in this room

in a few minutes... Just show her the song.

That's all. No. She's gonna be here

because I made a social date with her.

I don't want the words "music," "records" mentioned.

In fact, I don't even want you here.

Can I meet the company at least? No, you can't.

Please. Please. No.

Got to your room!

Oh, boy, what a gyp!

Hello.

Oscar, is that you?

Yep.

Well.

What a nice dark room.

Oh, is there a step here? I...

It's too dark, isn't it? Oh, it doesn't matter.

I'm not wearing clothes anyway.

Oh, I'm glad you're here.

Come on, sit down.

I made some special hors d'oeuvres for you.

It's not frozen. Made 'em myself.

Here, it's liver pâté on potato chippé.

Mmm.

No thanks, I'll eat later.

Oh, I'll leave 'em there.

If you're hungry, just help yourself, okay?

I'll put on some music.

Would you like a drink?

I have some very rare vintage wine.

What year?

Thursday.

Okay.

It comes, this rare vintage wine

from the jolly green French winos.

What'll we drink to?

A new record collection.

I usually allow my guests to smell the cork.

Well, I'll taste it.

Most of it's in my glass anyway.

Hey, that's terrific.

Nice.

Oscar, do you like to dance?

Ooh, I'd love to. Good!

I love to watch.

Come on, I was just joking.

You think that's joking...

wait'll you dance with me,

you'll know what a joke is.

♪ Happy and peppy and bursting with love ♪

♪ Dancing and singing to heaven above... ♪

Wait, wait, wait a second.

Strings are coming out this ear,

something else is coming out this ear.

I'll shut off this ear.

No, no, no, wait a second.

It's kind of catchy. I like it.

You do?

Yeah, I like it.

I wrote it.

You wrote a song?

Well, I wrote the words and the lyrics, you know.

Oh!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know you were here.

Sorry to interrupt. I was just rewinding a tape

of "Happy and Peppy and Bursting with Love"

that new hit song that's sweeping the country.

Oscar told me he just wrote it.

Well, Felix helped. I mean...

Is... Is that a copy?

Yes. Let me look at it.

I'll look...

You see, Mr. Hammerstein?

This song is going to be big coin, buster!

What's he doing?

I think he's putting his name on it.

Well, if you want to hear it,

it's right here on the cassette.

I've got to run along, but there it is

for your listening pleasure.

You know how to work it, don't you? I know how to work it.

Just push the start button. That's right.

We'll do it. Okay.

I'll leave you love bugs alone.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

What a helpful little fellow.

I trained him right, too.

Let me get the music back on.

Listen, I'm glad you like the music. Yeah, I do.

But, uh, we'll talk about that later.

Now, where were we?

I think we were just going to dip.

Let's go, baby, and dip.

Yeah.

Yes!

Oh, more!

More! Let's hear it!

Whoo!

More.

Thank you.

Thank you. You're very kind.

I really, really appreciate it.

You know, people are always asking me

where new songwriters are coming from.

Well, they could come from anywhere, really.

One day, a man could be a commercial photographer...

Portraits a specialty.

Portraits a specialty... Or a sportswriter...

And the next day, they could be the writer of a big hit song.

Well, that's happened.

A sportswriter and a commercial photographer

collaborated on a song and...

Well, they're here tonight

and if it doesn't embarrass you, guys,

stand up and take a bow.

Felix Unger and Oscar Madison.

Thank you.

Just like to take this opportunity to say our thanks

to a very great star

who took a chance on a couple of relative unknowns.

It was my pleasure, really.

It was her pleasure... You hear that?

That's a star.

What other star would say that?

Kate Smith, maybe...

Right now, I'd like to give you my rendition

of their wonderful song called

"Happy and Peppy and Bursting with Love."

♪ Happy and peppy ♪

♪ And bursting with love... ♪

Where are the accents? The accents?

Shh, shh, shh! She just started.

Give her a chance to get into it.

♪ Dancing and singing ♪

♪ To heaven above... ♪

It's got no tempo. It's got no tempo.

It's supposed to be an "up" tune.

She wanted an "up" tune.

Maybe this isn't it.

♪ Jumping and rolling ♪

♪ Like a little pup ♪

What's she doing?!

It's her interpretation.

Did Kate Smith interpret "God Bless America"?

♪ If you knock me down ♪

♪ I'm gonna bounce back, back up... ♪

No one bounces like that.

That's not the way the song goes.

I wrote this song. I know this song. Felix, please! It's very hard. Please!

♪ Happy and peppy ♪

♪ And feeling so well... ♪

She never liked me.

She never liked me at all.

♪ Happy... ♪

Okay, bring it on home now, come on!

♪ And swell! ♪

Thank you very much.

Come on, come on over and take a bow!

Come on!

Come on up, Felix.

Big round of applause for these two talented men!

Wonderful! Say something.

Here... say it right here.

I just... want to pay tribute to this inventive songstress.

When Mr. Madison and I wrote the song,

we had a totally different concept.

After all, it's called "Happy and Peppy,"

but you seem to love it, so I guess that's the right way to do it.

Or is it?

One more time, real fast.

♪ Happy and peppy and bursting with love ♪

♪ Dancing and singing to heaven above ♪

♪ Jumping and rolling, like a little pup ♪

♪ If you knock me down, I'm gonna bounce back up ♪

♪ Happy and peppy and feeling so well ♪

♪ I'm gonna answer when I hear the bell ♪

♪ I'll run down the field with fury ferocious ♪

♪ Happy, precocious and swell. ♪

♪ Feeling the night ♪

♪ The nearness of you. ♪

They don't write songs like that anymore.

Isn't that a great song? That's true.

There's one song that I really must sing.

You know, we... Yeah. Yeah.

Went over it before.

What do you want?

Well, give me a D-minor seventh.

♪ Let's... ♪

♪ Hit Hitler where he lives... ♪

America never forgives.

♪ And America ♪

♪ Never forgives ♪

Let's force him to surrender.

♪ Let's force him to surrender... ♪

In incendiary splendor.

♪ In incendiary splendor ♪

♪ Let's hit Hitler where he lives. ♪

It's catchy. It's a catchy tune.

All right now, let's bring it on home!

Go!

♪ Let's hit Hitler ♪

♪ Where he lives ♪

♪ No joke. ♪