Original subtitles

Aw, shut up.

I've never been so humiliated in all my life.

I told you

I didn't want to go to the ballet.

Nag, nag, nag.

Kill me.

I thought you'd like something fine, something nice.

I told you I don't like nice and fine.

You didn't even pay attention.

I read the program.

When? When you were making one of these?

Didn't I clap when your buddy did his number?

I thought he was the best one on the bill.

Well, of course he's the best.

He's only Edward Villella,

the great star of the New York City Ballet.

Didn't you really like any part of the ballet, Oscar?

Intermission was nice.

Yeah, that's when he was trying

to pick up the orange juice girl.

Sue me.

I don't like the ballet.

Thank you for inviting me.

Good night. Good night.

Somehow I get the feeling

ballet just isn't Oscar's thing.

No, his thing is sitting in the front row,

waving at all the girls and whistling,

"Dance, ballerina, dance."

I thought I'd die.

Oh, I think you're overreacting, Felix.

Forget it. How can I forget it?

Villella's nice enough to let you and me

into his ballet appreciation class.

Then, something like this happens.

How am I going to face the man tomorrow

when I do the picture story on him?

I'm so ashamed. Oh, Felix,

you know Edward'll understand.

I'll just have to get down on my knees

and beg his forgiveness.

Good night again, folks.

Where are you going at this hour?

I got a date.

With who? Jane Lewis.

Who?

Jane Lewis... You know, you met her.

"Orange juice, cold drink, get your cold drink!"

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

Oh, Felix, my class is over.

Edward's on his way.

Did he say anything about last night? No.

Good, then I won't either.

I'll just let bygones be bygones,

let, let sleeping dogs lie.

I just, I just won't mention it.

Okay, I'll call you later.

Bye, Edward.

Hi, Felix.

Before you say another word, I apologize.

What for?

For last night.

Ah... you knew that guy sitting next to you.

That's my roommate; his name is Oscar Madison.

Ah, it's all right.

The first time I went to a ballet, I did the same thing.

The bigger they are,

the better they forgive.

Thank you. I promise you you'll

never see him again, he'll never bother you.

Well, shall we get to work?

What would you like to do first? Anything you say.

Don't let me tell you what to do.

How about starting with a leap?

Okay.

Will you leap whenever you're ready

or shall I tell you when to leap?

Uh, I'll do it when you're ready.

Okay.

Ready, ready.

Ready. Felix.

Sir, sir. What do you mean "sir"?

Sir. What sir?

Can I help you, sir? What's on your mind, sir?

I lost my key.

It must have dropped out during the game, see?

You got a key to the apartment?

Oscar, you can see I'm busy.

Get out of here.

Give me the key, I'll get out.

All right, where's, where's my...?

Take five, Ed. Who's Ed?

Who is it? What Ed?

That's Edward Villella,

the man you humiliated me in front of last night.

Oh, give me the key, he won't know I'm here,

he won't know me from Adam.

Oscar Madison.

Edward Villella.

I saw you, you know, last...

You got great legs.

It was a great eveni...

Listen, Mr. Villella, I didn't mean to upset you last night.

Look, it's Eddie.

I'm not upset.

Hey, uh, how'd you do today?

Rotten! I couldn't connect with a pass.

My arm is killing me.

If I don't improve, they're going to trade me.

Uh, would you mind if I showed you a trick or two

that might help the arm?

I wish you would.

Otherwise, I won't be able to hail a taxi to get home.

We're ready, Mr. Villella.

I'm still on my five, Felix.

Now, listen.

What it is is you've probably got a cramping up there...

You know, maybe a muscle spasm or something like that...

So a port de bras might help you.

You know, it's a slow movement of the arm.

You take it from the back

and you stretch forward and you just release.

It's the stretch right through here.

Here, let me help. Port de bras?

Yeah, port de bras, here.

You just take it back like this and you use the back

and you get that length, you stretch out...

Port de bras.

Hey, that felt great, I needed...

Port de bras.

Yeah, well, listen, you guys are busy.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, Eddie, thank you.

Bye, bye. Keep practicing.

Oh, I will.

Taxi!

Hey, it works.

Listen, he's a nice guy.

Oh, he's a wonderful guy.

The only thing is...

the only thing he's interested in life is sports.

Culturally, he's a hopeless case.

Well, listen, ballet and sports are compatible.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a football player.

No, no, don't say it. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, it's true.

What got you interested in ballet?

I wanted to meet girls.

Would you do a fifth position, please?

Yeah, sure.

Yes, yes.

Yes, that's perfect, yeah.

How's that?

Hey, that's pretty good.

Would you press the cable release?

Very good, yeah. One more.

This is first, isn't it?

Okay, third.

Relevé.

You've got your sweater in your mouth.

Thanks.

I was wondering where it was.

You walk as if you're in pain.

That's why I was biting on the sweater.

I couldn't find a bullet.

What's the matter? I'm sore.

I played football yesterday, remember?

Didn't Edward Villella fix up your arm?

Yeah, it's the only thing that doesn't hurt is my arm.

I threw five touchdown passes and I was able to hail a cab.

Ooh.

Take a good hot bath and rub on some liniment

before you get stiff.

If I was any stiffer, you could dive off me.

Why won't you go

to Villella's ballet appreciation class with me?

I don't want to go to any appreciation ballet class.

It's for common people like you

who are friends of the ballet.

I am neither common nor a friend of the ballet.

You're half right.

Open that for me, will you, buddy?

He can't do anything for himself

and he won't even help himse...

He can't even take his normal nourishment.

Why won't you go to ballet class?

'Cause there's a stigma attached?

I go.

That's the stigma.

I don't want to go to ballet class.

Will you stop nagging me with going to ballet class?

Pick up your sweater.

Pick it up. Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.

I don't have enough pain, we don't have enough arguments.

I don't have enough misery in my... aah...!

You've got your sweater in your mouth again.

Come on to class.

I'm not going to wear a tutu.

Want to stop at a tower on the way and ring some bells?

One... two.

One... two.

One... two.

Okay, thank you.

Now, face the bar and we'll do the pliés.

Hold the pliés.

Look who's here.

Oscar, what happened?

What's wrong? Five touchdowns.

Hey, way to go, babe.

Can you loosen him up a little?

Listen, we better get you over to the bar over here

and see if we can limber you a little.

All right, just stand... that's it, grab the bar.

Let me see if I can straighten you.

Straight... little bit.

Li... there we go.

Okay, you know what we're going to try to do?

What? Some pliés.

What's that? They're just knee bends.

We go down and then we come back up.

Okay, put your feet to the side like this.

We'll do pliés.

Ready?

And down.

And down.

Down, down.

Up, up.

Okay, we'll do ronde de jambes en l'air. Ready?

One, two, and...

One, two, three.

Three, three, three.

Three, two, three.

Four, two, three.

Hey, not bad, pretty good.

How was I, Eddie? Doesn't hurt.

Were you watching me?

Okay, listen, class, thank you very much.

See you all next week.

Thank you.

All right, thank you.

You were very good! I gotta tell ya!

This thing doesn't hurt anymore. The arm feels great.

That's terrific.

Listen, I have another stretch for you. What?

It's a leg stretch with a port de bras.

Oh, I can do that, I can do that, I'll show you.

See, you put the leg over the bar and then...

port de bras, see?

Is that right, Eddie?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Listen, you know, I threw five touchdown passes

'cause you taught me that port de bras.

Eddie doesn't have time for that.

Listen, watch this, Eddie, I made up a new leap.

Hey, that's terrific.

If you could only stay in the air a little longer.

Practice, will you?

Practice, practice.

Listen, fellas, I really would like to work with both of you,

but I... Yeah?

I've got a rehearsal here for a recital, you know.

A recital for what?

We're doing excerpts from Swan Lake.

Your ordinary class is doing Swan Lake?

Well, it's not the ordinary class.

It's the children.

UH, would you excuse me a minute?

Kids, children, you want to come in?

Hi, Mr. Villella.

Hi, good afternoon.

Okay, let's get ready.

Mr. Villella. Yeah.

Could we stay and watch the rehearsal?

Felix!

Oh, sure, sure, come on.

Stick around.

Maybe you'll get some pointers.

On what? How to be a child?

He'll stay.

Okay.

Now, this excerpt will be

where the Prince and the Huntsman enter

and look for the Swan queen.

Okay, ready? Psst, psst, Mr...

Who, uh, who's going to be the Prince?

I am. You are?

Did you hear that?

The Prince! To dance the Prince!

Okay, everybody ready?

Psst! Uh...

Who's going to be the Huntsman?

Well, uh, I need a boy for the part,

but I haven't found him yet.

The part isn't cast yet?

Uh, no, no, but I'll find somebody.

It's only a small part.

Oh, I just love Swan Lake.

I know every bit of it.

You're embarrassing me.

Will you sit down?

I've never seen the Huntsman dance properly.

Your best friend... it shouldn't be a boy.

It should be... someone you respect.

Aw, come on, gi... give me a break.

Okay, Felix, you can be the Huntsman.

Oh, great!

Listen, it's Swan Lake, not Frog Lake.

Okay, now, we're gonna take it

from where the hunter comes center stage,

and he's looking for the Swan Queen,

but hasn't found her.

You, the Huntsman, enter from stage left.

You come in, and you bow to the Prince.

Right.

And we look this way, and we look that way.

And I say to you, "Have you seen her?"

And you say, "No."

It's not too emotional.

All right, we'll take it from the top.

Kids, Swans, let's go... with the music.

Ready? And...

Huntsman!

Huh?

Yeah, yeah, I understand. Okay.

The Huntsman now disappears.

Thank God!

How was I?

Was I any good?

No, you were rotten.

Thanks a lot, Felix.

Excellent.

You were terrific, kids.

Okay, everybody relax for a couple of minutes.

Now, you all know that this was the last rehearsal

before the recital tomorrow.

Why don't you all work on your own

until the performance?

Why, Mr. Villella, I...

Eddie, do you think they're ready

to work on their own?

I have no choice.

I've got a performance tonight

and tomorrow night at Lincoln Center.

I'll just make it here in time for the recital.

Well, of course I-I know

I could never hope to fill your Capezios, but...

I'd be glad to take the rehearsal for you.

Oh, good, good. Thanks, Felix.

Kids, Mr. Unger is now going

to take the rehearsal.

I've got to go work somewhere else, okay?

Work hard, and I'll see you all tomorrow night, okay?

Say, thanks, Eddie.

Thank you. Quiet, everybody, quiet.

Quiet.

What quiet? I'm thanking the man.

Now, places, everyone.

We'll start from the top.

Now, for this rehearsal, I'll take Mr. Villella's role

as... as the, uh... as Siegfried.

Um, very good.

Oscar,

you'll do me a big favor. I'll go home.

I'll send out for dinner. No, no, no. Come. No.

You'll fill in my slot as the Huntsman.

You want me to try to fill in your Capezios?

We just need a warm body for the kids to work with.

Oh, come on. Come on, come on, for the kids' sakes.

What am I supposed to do?

You know what to do. You saw me do it.

What you were doing before?

You bow to the Prince, that's all there is to it.

All right, all right... All right, just...

Siegfried enters.

He's looking for the Swan Queen.

You the Prince?

You don't talk. You mime it.

You don't say anything.

And you walk like a Huntsman.

You don't walk in like that.

How do you know how a Huntsman walks?

Did you ever follow a Huntsman down the street?

There's a basic walk in ballet.

You walk on the toe.

The leg is turned out from the hip.

Big deal. I can do that...

You reach out, you devour ground. Well, do it!

Want me to do it?

Yes!

Reach out!

Straighten up, straight...

The shoulder higher, higher.

That's good. Yes. Go.

Oscar? Oscar!

So long, Prince!

Uh, Felix?

Where's Eddie?

Oh, relax. Murray is at Lincoln Center

waiting to pick him up.

Get the Swans! Get the Swans!

Come on! Girl? Girls...!

Swans, Swans, gather round, Swans.

All right.

Now, my fellow gypsies,

the great moment we've all been working towards

is about to become a reality,

and we're ready to show Mr. Villella

the hard work and dedication

we've put in during his absence, aren't we?

Good.

We want Mr. Villella to be proud of us, don't we?

Right!

Let's not forget to tell him

who whipped this bunch of ragged angels

into a tight dancing unit.

Who?

Unger. U-N-G-E-R.

Okay, Miriam, limber them up, limber them up.

Ten minutes. Ten minutes to curtain, everybody.

Come on, let's get ready now. Hurry up.

Now watch your skirts.

Hey, Felix, I didn't know Robin Hood was in Swan Lake.

No wisecracks tonight, please.

Aah!

I'm on my best behavior.

See, I got a suit and a tie.

You look nice.

You do, too. Come on.

Hi, Felix. I'm here!

Where's Eddie?

Well, he's still at Lincoln Center, hoofin'.

Murray, Dan Dailey hoofs.

Edward Villella dances.

Where is he?

Well, they switched the lineup of the dance numbers over there,

and he told me to tell you he's gonna be late.

Oh, how late, Murray? I don't know.

He was supposed to dance leadoff,

but they put him in a cleanup spot.

What-What does that mean? Baseball.

He's supposed to go first. Now he's gonna go fourth.

That means he's going to be a half-hour late, at least.

Murray, get over there, pick him up

right away and bring him over, okay? I'll cover the bases, Oscar.

Oh, no, Felix. What are we gonna do?

Well, Mr. Villella made me responsible.

I know what to do.

Get the Swans. Bring in the Swans.

Felix, be smart and do nothing.

Relax, he'll be here.

Maybe he won't be here.

I've got this company primed to go, Buster.

Those Swans are dying to get on that stage.

My curtain goes up on time,

not like those clowns over at Lincoln Center.

But how, Felix?

Are we going to get to dance tonight?

Yes, you will, my children, yes, you will.

Now, I must tell you that Mr. Villella

will be unable to appear tonight.

Oh!

Now, he never said that, Felix!

But those parents out there are expecting a show,

and by God, they're going to get one.

Now, I will take the part of Prince Siegfried,

and his best friend, the Huntsman,

will be played by my best friend, Oscar Madison.

What are you laughing at? Okay, come on.

He's funny, isn't he, Swans?

Take this, and go change.

Aren't you glad I taught you the walk?

You know the part. It's a vitally important part.

Felix, I couldn't do it. I'd be too nervous.

You're nervous? What have you got to be nervous about?

The Huntsman is nothing.

I'm the one with all the pressure. I'm the star.

Get going.

All right girls, plié. And one...

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

He's here. He's here.

Oh, am I glad you're here.

Who started this performance?

Felix, the nut, that's who.

Yeah, knowing Felix, we won't be able to get him off.

Don't worry, I'll get him off.

But I was hot. I...

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Hey, and champagne in honor of the great occasion.

Thank you.

Beer for Oscar, of course.

Thank you. Champagne, Eddie?

Uh, you wouldn't mind if I had a beer, also, would you?

Oh, no, don't say it.

Here. Sure, there's nothing

like a beer after I dance.

Oh, you were thrilling tonight, Eddie.

You really were. Well, thank you.

I'd like to ask, if-if you don't mind.

Tell me the truth... how was I?

Well, I really don't like to comment

on my colleague" performances.

However, my most severe critic,

Roddy, my son, might have an opinion for you.

Roddy, how was I?