Original subtitles

Salud and bon voyage.

I'll drink to that.

There we go, a little toast.

Couldn't you at least put it in a glass?

You got foam in my bubbly.

Thank you, Felix.

Oh, I'll bet you two are so excited.

Ah, I can hardly wait.

14 hours from now, we'll be in Jacaloma,

the island of romance in the sunny Caribbean.

Here's my present, open it. Ooh.

Oh, Felix, you didn't have to buy me a present.

That's what friends are for. Oh, silly...

Look at this.

Water purification tablets.

Airsick pills.

Bismuth and paregoric.

Just my way of saying, "Have fun, kids."

I'm all choked up, Felix.

Well, I have to go in my kitchen, see what's cooking.

Me and my crazy sense of humor.

I'm gonna miss that crazy sense of humor.

Calypso.

A man named Oscar

took his sweetie Nancy on vacation to the sea.

Arriba!

Arriba... Honey, you got to forget that you're a doctor

for the next week... Don't pack a stethoscope.

Everything I'm packing has lace on it.

I'm going to forget about the hospital

and about Mrs. Perkins' gallbladder.

I'm just gonna lie in that sun,

and dance to those Calypso rhythms. Yeah.

♪ All day, all night, Mary Anne ♪

♪ Down by the seaside, sifting sand. ♪

The phone is ringing to interrupt my... Hello?

♪ It is for you, my darling ♪

♪ Down by the seaside, sifting sand ♪

Hello?

Yes, it is Dr. Cunningham.

No, I can't. Absolutely not!

No, you'll have to get somebody else.

That's right, you tell them, my darling.

No. I'm going on vacation. Look where you're going to.

Look where you're going. That serious?

Okay, I'll do it.

Do it?

You'll do what, you'll do what? What?

I can't go.

And Felix said to Nancy,

"Of champagne have another glass."

And Oscar said to Felix, "Take the champagne and..."

On November 13, Felix Unger

was asked to remove himself from his place of residence.

That request came from his wife.

Deep down, he knew she was right,

but he also knew that some day he would return to her.

With nowhere else to go,

he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison.

Several years earlier,

Madison's wife had thrown him out,

requesting that he never return.

Can two divorced men share an apartment

without driving each other crazy?

♪ ♪

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

What are you doing?

You'll mess up your room.

She can't go.

She gets a phone call... She can't go!

Well, that's not her fault.

Have some cocoa.

She didn't ask for that phone call.

That's not the point, Felix.

The point is I planned and I arranged for this trip.

I can't change my vacation.

All goes up in smoke because somebody got a bellyache. Aw...

Sit down, Felix.

Where?

Oh, please, not while I'm trying to eat.

You know, I'm going to go on this vacation anyway.

You won't have a good time by yourself.

What am I supposed to do?

Bum around for a week?

You know what I'm going to do?

There's a girl in the file room

that would go if I'd ask her.

The one with the overbite? Yeah.

You don't want the overbite,

you don't want crazy Rhoda Zimmerman;

you want to go with Nancy.

I know, but she doesn't want to go.

She can't go!

I mean, I don't have to go on a vacation with a girl.

I could go with... Nah... What, what?

Well, the thought occurred to me to... nah...

What, what?

How would you like to go to Jacaloma with me?

Oh, gee... oh, I can't. We'd have a lot of laughs.

It... it's just impossible for me.

I'm too busy right now. Why? I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime.

A real vacation, Fel... oh, here it is.

Look at this, Felix, look at this brochure.

What do you see? Mayonnaise.

Under the mayonnaise there's a lagoon!

Fishing, swimming, dog races, excitement, thrills!

Beauty unspoiled in nature's paradise!

Gee, it's nice all right. Hmm.

I love that Calypso music.

I've got bongos in my blood.

You know, you don't want me to go with you.

Oh, but I do want you to go, I really do!

And you could push your projects back a week.

No, no. I've got an appointment for a physical...

Oh, please, it's important.

I've wanted to go there for such a long time.

My shoes will be ready Thursday. This is really important to me.

I don't want to go alone.

As a buddy, as a friend, I ask you

to come with me. Well, if you put it like that,

how can I refuse? Oh, great, Felix! We'll have a marvelous time.

And you don't have to pay for the room.

You don't have to the pay for the airplane. No, sir. No, sir.

Felix Unger pays his own way.

And Oscar Madison never forgets a favor. And just to show you...

I'll pack for you. Oh, good! Okay.

Oh!

Oh, I guess I forgot to unpack from the last trip.

Mm.

What's this?

It's your Christmas present.

I forgot to give it to you.

Merry Christmas.

What is it?

Assorted cheeses.

What are you doing?

My ears are stuffed up.

You feel better?

Oh, that flight was ghastly!

It was awful!

Well, the cab ride wasn't so hot, either.

You know why? It was the same guy driving the cab.

First he flew the plane over.

Then he took us over in the cab.

I was wondering why

he was wearing the helmet and the goggles.

I thought it was the Red Baron!

Where is he?

He's getting our bags. I think he's also the bellhop.

What kind of a place is this anyway?

Where is everybody?

How do I know?!

Don't get excited. That's what you did on the plane.

So it was small. The pilot knew what he was doing.

He was as calm as a cucumber.

We made it again!

Monique! Monique! Ah, Pepe!

Give me a drink, please. Waiting for you.

Pepe, you made it back safely again. Did the wings stay on?

Oh, the wing...

the wing fell, but I fixed her up again with a little wire.

A little wire.

Do you fly many people over here?

Most of the people that come here... they come by boat.

I don't know why.

I smell cheese.

What will we do first, buddy?

Shall we go to the bar? Have a couple of drinks. No, it's too early.

Let's snoop around some of the curio shops, huh?

Oh, I don't want to do that. Hey!

You want to go fishing? How about that? Yeah! Great!

Okay. As soon as I take a shower.

You're going to take a shower to go fishing?

I'm grimy from the trip. Aren't you gonna unpack?

Oh, yeah.

Oscar, I just pressed those things.

Oh come on, Felix. Now we're on vacation. You're right.

I'm going to relax. I'm going to have a good time.

You know something? I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad you're here, too.

Ah... Say, why don't I go downstairs

and rent us a couple of bikes.

Then we could ride around, see what the place is like.

Good idea. I'll unpack for you.

Don't touch my stuff!

Hello?

I have a call for Oscar Madison. Go ahead, please.

Hello?

Hello. Oscar, is that you?

Yeah, Nancy?

Oscar, I have great news.

I found somebody to take my place.

No kidding!

I can catch a plane and be there tomorrow.

Oh, that's great! Come on down, honey!

But what about Felix? Felix who?

Oh, Fel... Oh, honey, I'll take care of Felix.

Oscar... I'll handle it very nicely, honestly.

Okay! Come on down!

Bye, darling. Bye, honey.

Hey, guess what?

I went down to rent us bikes and I got us a tandem instead...

for the entire weekend.

That's great.

Felix, I got something I want to talk to you about.

Yeah, what?

Well, I-I just got a call from Nancy.

Ah, Nancy... Yeah.

She got somebody to take her place and she's coming down.

Ah... Uh-huh, uh-huh.

When's she getting here?

Tomorrow.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

What do you propose to do?

Well, I guess I propose to be with her

when she gets down here, Felix.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

What do you propose to do with me?

Well, that's a toughie, Felix.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

You not only asked me to come down here,

you begged me, and now you want to shove me aside.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

What time does the plane leave?

It's 8:00.

The schedule says we're supposed to take off at 8:00.

Oh, well, there may be a little delay tonight, monsieur,

due to circumstances

beyond our control. What circumstances?

Well, the pilot is not quite ready to go.

When will he be ready?

It's very hard to say, monsieur.

Tonight is the rum-and-cola flight.

All the passengers ready for the cola flight rum

please stand against the wall...

fascinate your safety belts...

Switch on. Switch off.

Contact. Take-off...

First and only call for breakfast.

Morning.

Good morning.

Oh...

You got any fruit juice?

Just, uh, Banana Dragon.

Banana Dragon?

Sí.

Give me a Banana Dragon.

But I must warn you, monsieur,

that the Banana Dragon is very strong.

Good.

Bon appetit.

Hmm.

Doesn't time pass quickly when you're having fun?

Hey, Monique.

Felix?

Felix, what are you doing here?

I thought you flew out last night.

Pepe, the world's only pilot-bellhop-cab driver-wino,

was drunk.

Where'd you spend the night?

In the lobby.

Where?

I slept in that wicker basket over there.

I dreamed I was cobra.

Why did you do that?

You knew Nancy wasn't coming until tonight.

Why didn't you come up to the room?

All right.

So I'm glad you're here anyway.

We got the whole day to ourselves before she comes.

We'll go to the museums.

We'll go to the dog track.

We'll have a lot of fun.

Oscar, you are the world's most naive man.

Who else would buy a package tour of Devil's Island?

What are you talking about?

Jacaloma, gateway to the Caribbean.

This is a disaster area.

Even crows don't stop here.

Come here. I want to show you something.

Look at this.

What is it?

This is the Jacalomian Museum of Art,

founded in 1968.

Three rocks and an arrowhead.

These are the dog tags of a lost kamikaze pilot.

He stayed here after the war

and is now governor of the island.

Governor Moto.

All right, so it's not the Guggenheim.

We could still go to the dog track.

I'll teach you how to bet.

The dog died.

Last night.

The dog died?

There were two of them; one died.

The other one's in mourning.

Moped around all day, hasn't touched his food.

Which probably saved his life.

All right, Felix, you can mope around,

not have a good time and pout,

or you can try to have a good time.

How?

How? We could go in and visit the...

We can go see...

Gee, it sounds thrilling the way you describe it.

Well, if you'd stop being the ugly American,

you know, you wouldn't have to be alone.

What about Monique?

I hear she's Miss Jacalomian.

Since she was 14.

You can forget about it.

She's soft on Pepe.

She likes daredevils.

She must have friends.

There must be other girls on the island.

Sure, if you want to climb over a convent wall.

Don't worry about me.

I won't get in your hair.

Enjoy yourself.

You take the high road and I'll take the low road.

Actually, it doesn't matter which road; they're both dirty.

Good-bye, Oscar.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

But let it be on your head.

Let what be on my head?

Wow, I thought you were bad as a roommate.

You're terrible as a tourist!

Then the governor of this island, Governor Moto,

brought me across in a Japanese sampan.

Do you know...

he was once a kamikaze pilot,

and he loves to crash his boat into the dock?

Forget it. You're here.

Coming through.

Oh, hi, hi, Felix.

Nancy, how are you? Nice to see you.

Oh, are you enjoying yourself?

Yes, yes.

It's nicer this way... No one breathing down my neck.

Monsieur.

I think you forgot somebody.

No, somebody forgot me.

♪ Voice of love, ever swiftly do depart ♪

♪ It's a road. ♪

Yeah! Bravo!

Bravo!

Very good, thank you very much.

Oh, I love this place!

Me too, now that you're here.

You want more wine, honey?

Oh, is this wine? Yeah.

I don't care, Oscar. It's such fun.

Yeah, here comes el turisto.

Hi.

Hi, Felix. Well, hi, there, Felix.

Did you have a nice day?

Wonderful.

I guess there's not a sight in town I haven't seen.

It's amazing how much territory you can cover when you're alone.

Oh, have you had your dinner yet?

No. Oh, boy.

Never mind.

I'm not going to join you.

I'll eat by myself out on the porch.

I don't mind.

I'll read brochures, feed the insects.

Nonsense.

Felix, sit down.

Yeah, sit. Well...

For a minute.

No, thank you.

I see that you're both enjoying your wine.

I'll have a drink at the bar.

You know...

it does you good to be by yourself sometimes.

It's food for the soul.

Here it comes.

I went down to the wharves and watched the fishermen go out.

I thought maybe somebody would ask me to go fishing, but...

everybody was already paired up.

I started to strike up

a conversation with the man in the filling station,

but he didn't speak English.

Just "Yankee, go home!"

What were you doing at the filling station?

I had a flat on the bike.

I ran over my camera.

How did you do that?

A tarantula ran me off the road.

Felix, come on. Sit with us.

No, no, no.

I'll just have a quick bite,

and then I'll go and catch the village movie.

It's been years since I've seen Hopalong Cassidy.

You two enjoy yourselves.

I see you're having a good time.

Don't worry about me.

I'm having a ball, really.

Isn't it wonderful how he covers up his unhappiness?

Oscar, the least we could have done

is ask him to join us for dinner.

Honey, he's doing it on purpose.

Besides, you feed him once, you'll never get rid of him.

Monique?

Oui, monsieur?

Give me a Banana Dragon, please.

Oui.

May I join you?

Some other time, perhaps.

Show time!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Club Jacaloma presents

music for your listening

and dancing pleasure.

"Blood and Sweat."

a picture of Gloria, my ex-wife.

There goes my ex-friend.

Uh... Felix?

Would you like to take a walk

with us along the beach?

I saw that, Oscar.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to horn in on your good time.

Enjoy yourselves.

Listen to him, honey. Come on, will you?

Let's go take a walk.

Let's enjoy the ocean, the moon.

It's a romantic evening.

But, Oscar, look at him.

I know. The Last of the Red Hot Martyrs.

Now, if I see an ocean, I'll want to drown myself.

What are we going to do?

I got an idea, honey. I got an idea. Sit down.

I'm going to fix this whole thing up. Sit down.

Pepe, come here.

Are you sure you want this?

"He bids the ruddy cup to round

till sense and sorrow both are drowned."

I'll buy that.

Come on, Pepe. Do me that favor.

Let my friend sing with the orchestra.

Just one number.

But Mr. Unger sings?

Oh, he sings great!

He loves calypso music.

He studied with Harry Belafonte.

But... I'm sorry, Mr. Madison.

You see, the trouble is that he is not professional, eh?

No. Oh! And what is the crowd going to say?

Crowd? You couldn't get a good checker game going here.

Come on. Well, I... I'm sorry.

Really, senor, believe me I am sorry

because this is not our usual policy.

That is your usual policy.

Oh, thank you.

Felix, I want to talk to you.

Go away, Oscar.

Now, don't sulk.

I got a big surprise for you.

What? You sold my luggage?

I talked to Pepe, and he's going

to let you sing with the band.

Oscar, don't toy with me.

I wouldn't toy with you.

I know how much you love calypso music.

I know how you love to sing.

Well, I haven't rehearsed anything.

I'm not prepared.

That's all right. Go do it now.

He's going to announce you.

Now, get ready.

This doesn't change anything, Oscar.

You've still done a terrible, terrible thing.

Hi, there.

I'm... I'm Jesse Skolnik.

Who are you?

Ringo Starr.

You you know what my philosophy of life is?

Tell me. I forgot.

Find out what you like in life, and drink it.

I'll buy that.

Tonight, we have a special surprise for you.

We have, direct from New York, without greatest expense,

a wonderful, fantastic singer who's very good, too.

Mr. Felix Unger,

who has also studied under Harry Belafonte.

Harry Belafonte? I've heard of him.

You know him? Very good!

Here Felix Unger!

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening. Very glad to be here.

I suppose you're all interested in the origins of calypso.

Calypso actually was a sea nymph

immortalized by the great Homer in his immortal Odyssey.

Sing it, Harry!

Sir, if you're a native, please stay.

If not, please leave the country.

Hit it! What?

Play the music.

♪ Once there was a man named Oscar ♪

♪ Oscar, Oscar, Oscar ♪

♪ And he turned on his best friend ♪

♪ Oscar, Oscar, Oscar ♪

♪ Oscar, Oscar, O... ♪

♪ Oscar, Oscar, O... ♪

♪ This friend put a curse on Oscar's head ♪

♪ Oscar, Oscar, Oscar ♪

♪ The gods came down and struck Oscar dead ♪

♪ Oscar, Oscar, Oscar ♪

All together.

♪ Oscar, Oscar... ♪

My name immortalized in a Jacalomian bar.

Hey, that guy ain't Belafonte, is he, Ringo?

Hey, who's Oscar?

You're lousy!

Get off the stage!

♪ Once there was a man named Jesse ♪

♪ Jesse, Jesse, Jesse ♪

♪ He wore his clothes very messy ♪

♪ Messy, messy Jesse. ♪

Hey, that's my name!

Nobody talks to the Shoehorn King from Jacaloma like that.

Stop singing my name!

You said you were Ringo!

Good news!

They just flew in another dog from Miami!

Hey...

Oscar, that was fantastic!

Did you see that?

Wasn't that fantastic?

Wonderful.

Oscar, thanks for sticking up for me.

I didn't deserve it.

Not after the way I acted.

That's all right, Felix, but be honest with me.

If the roles were reversed,

and Gloria was coming down here instead of Nancy,

would you try to dump me?

In a minute.

You know, we're lucky this happened in Jacaloma.

Other places have jails.

Boys, it's all worked out.

Pepe's not mad at us,

but he asked one favor of us.

What's that? What?

Show time!

Yes, sir!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the fabulous calypso group...

Felix and his Flames!

♪ Once there was a man named Oscar ♪

♪ Oscar, Oscar, Oscar... ♪

♪ O... ♪ Sing it, Harry!