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1
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:13,380
Come in.
2
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,490
Oh, hi, Felix.
3
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,580
Hello, Gloria.
4
00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:21,810
What's the matter?
5
00:00:21,890 --> 00:00:23,036
You seem depressed.
6
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,576
You've always been
able to read my moods
7
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,836
better than anybody, Gloria.
8
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:31,790
Where's Leonard?
9
00:00:31,870 --> 00:00:35,540
My son is in my roommate's room.
10
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,126
I hope he's had all his shots.
11
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:38,786
What's he doing in there?
12
00:00:38,810 --> 00:00:41,480
Talking football, what else?
13
00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:43,566
Well, did the two of you
have a nice afternoon?
14
00:00:43,590 --> 00:00:47,190
We had a nice hour.
15
00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:50,730
We played a game
of chess, which I won,
16
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,846
and I showed him
my new $900 camera,
17
00:00:52,870 --> 00:00:54,820
which he took a fancy to.
18
00:00:54,890 --> 00:00:56,660
Then Oscar came home,
19
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,766
and I spent the rest of the
afternoon taking pictures
20
00:00:58,790 --> 00:01:00,150
of the two of them
21
00:01:00,230 --> 00:01:02,800
having a wonderful
time talking football.
22
00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:04,370
Well, Oscar is his coach.
23
00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:06,550
Yes. I'm only his father.
24
00:01:06,620 --> 00:01:08,020
You're my ex-wife.
25
00:01:08,090 --> 00:01:09,470
He'll soon be my ex-son.
26
00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:10,946
That's slick.
27
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:13,046
They'll never know what
hit them if you do it right.
28
00:01:13,070 --> 00:01:14,286
We did it many years ago.
29
00:01:14,310 --> 00:01:15,590
It's so old it's new.
30
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,686
See, the kid stands there
and he's holding his helmet.
31
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:18,826
Now, you fake a pass to him,
32
00:01:18,850 --> 00:01:20,436
but you hand it
off to another guy,
33
00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:22,206
and they'll tackle the kid
with the helmet all the time.
34
00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:23,826
Can we work on it
tomorrow afternoon?
35
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,426
Sure. GLORIA: Uh, Leonard...
36
00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:26,626
Okay, so long, Coach.
37
00:01:26,650 --> 00:01:27,896
Oh, Mom, you're here.
38
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,520
Yes, we're here.
39
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,870
Mom and Dad.
40
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,190
Well, we have to be going.
41
00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:36,190
Leonard.
42
00:01:36,260 --> 00:01:37,476
Okay, so long, Dad.
43
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,306
Thanks for the nice
day. My pleasure.
44
00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:41,546
Your pictures will be
ready next week. Right.
45
00:01:41,570 --> 00:01:43,470
See you next week, Dad.
46
00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:44,746
And I'll see you
tomorrow, Coach.
47
00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:45,700
Okay.
48
00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:48,330
So long, Gloria. Bye-bye.
49
00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:50,380
That's a great kid, Felix.
50
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,156
You ought to be
very proud of him.
51
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,286
Hmm.
52
00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:55,656
He sure loves
football, doesn't he?
53
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:56,610
Hmm.
54
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,030
I think he's got a great season
55
00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,976
ahead of him. Hmm.
56
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,200
That's three "hmms," Felix.
57
00:02:02,270 --> 00:02:04,516
Either you're mad,
or you've got lockjaw.
58
00:02:04,540 --> 00:02:05,756
What is it?
59
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:07,836
You're mad because we
went into my room and talked?
60
00:02:07,860 --> 00:02:09,056
No, not at all.
61
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:10,020
Are you being honest?
62
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,510
No, I'm not.
63
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:15,140
Oscar, you're stealing
my son away from me.
64
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:23,840
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
65
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:26,470
from his place of residence.
66
00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:29,250
That request came from his wife.
67
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,226
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
68
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:35,150
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
69
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:36,550
With nowhere else to go,
70
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:39,420
he appeared at the home
of his friend Oscar Madison.
71
00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:40,736
Several years earlier,
72
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,336
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
73
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,020
requesting that he never return.
74
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,606
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
75
00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:50,190
without driving
each other crazy?
76
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,210
♪ ♪
77
00:03:42,190 --> 00:03:44,330
You really believe that?
78
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,566
Oh, forget it.
79
00:03:45,590 --> 00:03:47,206
Forget "Oscar, you're
stealing my son from me"?
80
00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:48,366
How can I?
81
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:49,806
All I'm doing is
coaching Leonard's team.
82
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,536
By default. They asked me first.
83
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,756
Then why didn't you do it?
84
00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:54,580
Why? Why didn't I do it?
85
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:55,966
Yeah, why didn't you do it?
86
00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:57,996
The, the reason I-I didn't...
87
00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:59,950
Is?
88
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:01,536
Well, the, the
real reason that I...
89
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,106
Because you stammer? No!
90
00:04:03,130 --> 00:04:05,920
The reason is... What?
91
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,470
I'm afraid!
92
00:04:07,530 --> 00:04:09,160
Now we're back to why.
93
00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:10,976
Don't you have
any understanding?
94
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,276
I want to do it, but I can't.
95
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,080
Like I said, why?
96
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,616
I'm afraid of looking like
a fool in front of my son.
97
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,756
I don't know enough
about football.
98
00:04:19,780 --> 00:04:21,786
Well, if you can't
coach, don't coach.
99
00:04:21,810 --> 00:04:24,770
Must everything
be explained to you?
100
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:27,196
I want to do things with my son.
101
00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:30,520
I want to be in a
position of authority.
102
00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:32,736
I want to... I want
to look good to him.
103
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:33,690
How about groundskeeper?
104
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,500
You'll look great.
105
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,520
You enjoy seeing me die
inside, don't you, Oscar?
106
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,976
Why? I'm sorry...
107
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,176
Why, Oscar? I'm sorry.
108
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,446
Tell me, where is
the law that says
109
00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:46,946
that the only way fathers
and sons can get together
110
00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:48,270
is by playing football?
111
00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:50,846
What did father and sons do
before football was invented?
112
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:52,240
Chariot races.
113
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,320
More cruelty.
114
00:04:55,390 --> 00:04:57,226
I've been a good
father to Leonard.
115
00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:59,696
I've... shared things with
him. Of course you have,
116
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,320
but a lot of kids don't care
how you run a vacuum cleaner.
117
00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:04,596
Oh... that's not the only thing.
118
00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:05,950
I've taken him places...
119
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:09,436
Yeah, sure, the Grand
National Bakeoff in Cincinnati.
120
00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,516
Felix, if you want to
get close to your kid,
121
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,186
you got to do things
together that he likes.
122
00:05:13,210 --> 00:05:14,526
Like what? Well, fishing.
123
00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:16,596
Uh... Worms, I know.
124
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,626
If I mention model airplanes,
125
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:18,966
you say the glue
gives you a headache.
126
00:05:18,990 --> 00:05:20,246
You want to get
close to your son?
127
00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:21,626
Yes. Take up wrestling.
128
00:05:21,650 --> 00:05:23,436
With my back? There we go.
129
00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:25,330
Be serious, Oscar.
130
00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:26,890
I'm losing my son.
131
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,690
Don't sit there.
132
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,320
I want him to look
up to me as his father.
133
00:05:32,370 --> 00:05:33,976
I want him to come up to me
134
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,310
and punch me in the
stomach and say, "Hi, Coach."
135
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:39,366
You want me to help you? Yes.
136
00:05:39,390 --> 00:05:40,766
All right, I'll help you. How?
137
00:05:40,790 --> 00:05:42,466
I'll teach you how to coach.
138
00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:43,766
Hurry up, will you, Felix.
139
00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:45,906
I want to take Nancy
to the movies tonight.
140
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,446
Was Leonard happy when he
learned I was going to coach?
141
00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:50,070
Yeah.
142
00:05:50,130 --> 00:05:51,676
You don't sound very convincing.
143
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:53,060
Yeah, he was happy.
144
00:05:53,140 --> 00:05:56,440
I mean, what's more important:
winning or fatherhood?
145
00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:58,336
Besides, you're
going to be great.
146
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,436
Couple of sessions with
me, you'll be a real monster
147
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:03,020
on the gridiron.
Okay, I'm ready.
148
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:06,210
What's the matter?
149
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:11,380
You're going to sell ice cream?
150
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:12,736
Just a casual sports outfit.
151
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:13,966
I thought it would
be appropriate.
152
00:06:13,990 --> 00:06:15,856
On a yacht, it would
be appropriate.
153
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,450
You told me to put on
something I could move around in.
154
00:06:18,510 --> 00:06:20,626
Yeah, but you can't wear that
when you're coaching the kids.
155
00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:21,776
Well, what should I wear?
156
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,776
Put on a sweat suit. I
don't have a sweat suit.
157
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,896
I'll let you wear my
sweat suit. I'd die first!
158
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,066
Okay, okay here's the thing.
159
00:06:29,090 --> 00:06:30,366
Now, when you're coaching kids,
160
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,806
you got to stress the
fundamentals: Yeah.
161
00:06:31,830 --> 00:06:33,106
Blocking, passing,
running and tackling. Yeah.
162
00:06:33,130 --> 00:06:34,536
Right? Okay, now no
matter what Mm-hmm.
163
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,236
Anybody says, it
all boils down to that.
164
00:06:36,260 --> 00:06:37,736
Teach the kids to do that right,
165
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,006
they'll win every
time, okay? Yeah.
166
00:06:39,030 --> 00:06:40,346
First we'll go to
blocking, okay?
167
00:06:40,370 --> 00:06:42,576
The correct
position for blocking.
168
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,016
Does that hurt your knuckles?
169
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,516
Come on, will you, Felix?
170
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,846
Concentrate, you'll
never learn. Okay.
171
00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:50,430
Now come on, get down
like me, will ya? Come on.
172
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,720
What are we, the Rockettes?
173
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,056
Over there, Felix.
174
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,656
Will you, please, opposite me?
175
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:57,926
You're on one line, I'm on...
176
00:06:57,950 --> 00:07:00,366
I don't want to
dance with you, Felix.
177
00:07:00,390 --> 00:07:01,796
Please, step back, okay?
178
00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:03,796
Now, we'll go on
the third hut. Hut?
179
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:06,266
Hut. Gee, I haven't heard
that since I was in the army.
180
00:07:06,290 --> 00:07:07,736
Hut, hut, hit, ho! Yeah, right.
181
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,406
Right, it's just like the
army... it's acadence.
182
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,876
Okay, we'll do it. I wonder
who first thought of saying "hut"
183
00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:13,570
instead of one. That's odd,
184
00:07:13,630 --> 00:07:15,616
isn't it? Yeah, I'll tell you
what, after we practice,
185
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,016
we can stroll
down to the library,
186
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,246
do a little research on it.
187
00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:19,630
I was just curious
188
00:07:19,710 --> 00:07:21,866
about how the
expression "hut" started.
189
00:07:21,890 --> 00:07:24,416
Well, maybe from a
quarterback who had the hiccups!
190
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,826
What's the
difference? It's here.
191
00:07:25,850 --> 00:07:27,726
A snap of the ball
comes a hut, okay?
192
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:30,126
Yes. Yes. I got you, babe.
193
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,346
Babe?! Yeah.
194
00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:34,626
That's the way the players talk
to each other. Babe, babe, babe.
195
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,820
All right.
196
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,866
Okay, now, I'm offense,
you're defense. Right.
197
00:07:39,890 --> 00:07:41,736
You got to get past
me to tackle the runner.
198
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,336
Okay, now I'll take it
easy with you. Right. Yeah.
199
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,176
I won't hurt you, okay?
Okay, now we'll go. Right.
200
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,140
Hut! Hut.
201
00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:51,470
I got by you, baby!
202
00:07:51,540 --> 00:07:53,140
And so cutely.
203
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:54,816
Come on, will you,
Felix? Do it right.
204
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,686
Come on, you know
better than that. Let's go.
205
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,626
Okay, now we'll go
on the third hut. Yes.
206
00:07:58,650 --> 00:08:00,186
Third hut. We're dancing again.
207
00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:01,386
I'm sorry.
208
00:08:01,410 --> 00:08:03,080
Here we go. Hut!
209
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,650
Hut! Hut!
210
00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:07,850
Got by you again.
211
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,920
Again, I'm a fireplug.
212
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,006
Felix, you've got to
get by me with muscle!
213
00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:14,666
Oh, why use muscle when
brains are so much more effective?
214
00:08:14,690 --> 00:08:17,260
Felix, brains
without brute force
215
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,346
in football leave
a lot of cleat marks
216
00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:21,190
on the back of your head.
217
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:24,260
Aren't all the professionals
college graduates?
218
00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:26,146
Yeah, with degrees
in punishment.
219
00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:27,786
Now, would you
forget all your theory?
220
00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,286
All right, let's go to
running, all right? Yes.
221
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:30,356
Running. Running's important.
222
00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:31,486
Where's the ball?
Here we go. Okay.
223
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:32,840
Running, now, let's see.
224
00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:34,526
We'll make the door
the goal, right? Yes.
225
00:08:34,550 --> 00:08:36,896
You got to get past me, get
to the door for the goal, okay?
226
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,760
Yes. Now, I'll give
you the ball. Later on...
227
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,530
Touchdown! Hey!
228
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,050
Fun!
229
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,016
I think I missed
my true calling.
230
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,296
No, you didn't;
you're a tragic figure.
231
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,736
I'm going to the movies.
232
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,806
No, no, come on, come
on. Teach me some more.
233
00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:06,006
This is for Leonard.
234
00:09:06,030 --> 00:09:07,276
All right. Let's start
at the beginning.
235
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:08,746
Let's start with
centering, all right?
236
00:09:08,770 --> 00:09:10,246
You'll snap the ball to
me. You'll be center. Down.
237
00:09:10,270 --> 00:09:11,946
Yes. Okay, no. Get centered.
238
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,716
Come on, will you? I
want to go to the movie.
239
00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:17,216
All right, yeah, here we go.
240
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,786
No.
241
00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:20,056
Don't do that!
242
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,526
Felix, all I want you to
do is when I say, "hut,"
243
00:09:22,550 --> 00:09:24,586
Yes. snap the ball hard
to me in my stomach,
244
00:09:24,610 --> 00:09:25,890
so I can hand it off...
245
00:09:30,340 --> 00:09:32,280
I didn't say, "hut."
246
00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:35,146
I went to the library tonight.
247
00:09:35,170 --> 00:09:37,156
I got... I got some
books on football.
248
00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:39,326
You ought to look these
over; these are really terrific.
249
00:09:39,350 --> 00:09:41,450
Plays That Fooled the Pros,
250
00:09:41,510 --> 00:09:43,940
Faking for Fun and Profit,
251
00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:45,596
Football, the Game
of Deception. Yeah.
252
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:48,066
That's the great one.
Read the first paragraph.
253
00:09:48,090 --> 00:09:49,730
"Football is sleight of hand
254
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,666
"to divert the attention
of the opposition,
255
00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:53,736
"to prepare them
psychologically for one thing,
256
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,986
and deliver another."
Isn't that interesting?
257
00:09:56,010 --> 00:09:58,326
Yeah, if you're
playing with magicians,
258
00:09:58,350 --> 00:09:59,996
but you're playing
with kids, Felix.
259
00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:01,426
Every time a kid
handles the ball,
260
00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:02,696
you got a great
chance of fumbling.
261
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,766
Two kids handle the ball,
you got two great chances
262
00:10:04,790 --> 00:10:06,286
of fumbling. No, no, no,
no, I don't believe that.
263
00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:07,586
The best game we ever played
264
00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:09,706
was when the kids had
bubblegum on their fingers.
265
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:11,030
I'm telling you,
266
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,486
you want to win tomorrow,
punt, and when the other kid
267
00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:15,126
drops the ball, have
Leonard fall on it.
268
00:10:15,150 --> 00:10:17,720
No, no, no, tha-that's
too pessimistic.
269
00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:19,426
I believe the... I'm
giving you the facts of life.
270
00:10:19,450 --> 00:10:21,566
You want tricky plays,
I know a lot of tricky.
271
00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:23,536
I know a tricky play right here.
272
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:25,330
Okay, let's go.
273
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:27,466
As the quarterback
hands the ball here, Oscar!
274
00:10:27,490 --> 00:10:29,526
Puts it under his shirt. How
can you write on your wall?!
275
00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:31,370
That's very soft lead.
276
00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:36,330
So, kids, I won't be able
to coach you anymore.
277
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:40,900
Now, wait a minute.
Now the good news!
278
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:43,870
Your new coach, Coach Unger!
279
00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:45,486
Ah, thank you, thank you.
280
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:47,226
Thank you, Coach Madison.
281
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:48,906
Well, men, as
Coach Madison said,
282
00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:53,210
my name is Coach Unger.
283
00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:55,460
Very well...
284
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,766
It's a real pleasure to
make your acquaintance,
285
00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,806
and I say that in all sincerity.
286
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:02,006
You're a fine-looking
group of men.
287
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:04,590
Very good, very good. You
want to tuck in your shirt, son?
288
00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:08,106
Now, men, I'm not
going to start out
289
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:09,746
under any false
pretenses to you.
290
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:12,470
I can't pretend that I'm a
great expert on football.
291
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:14,916
As a matter of fact, I
don't remember if I ever...
292
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:16,770
ever played the game at all.
293
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,540
But, uh, seriously, men.
294
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,530
I know that you men have been
295
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,346
playing together
and winning together.
296
00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:24,970
And I feel that I'll probably
297
00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:26,996
learn more from you
than you will from me.
298
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,736
- Be that as it may...
- Yay, Coach Unger!
299
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,306
Thanks. Thanks very
much. Great group. Yeah.
300
00:11:32,330 --> 00:11:34,366
Listen, I'm going to watch
the game from the bleachers.
301
00:11:34,390 --> 00:11:36,306
Good luck, gang, good luck.
302
00:11:36,330 --> 00:11:38,376
Let's hear it for Coach Madison!
303
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,046
Hip-hip. KIDS: Hooray!
304
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:42,976
Thanks, kids. Good luck!
305
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,216
There goes a great guy.
306
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,266
As a matter of fact,
men, I've been doing
307
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:48,196
a little bit of studying
over the weekend.
308
00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:50,466
I've come up with a...
309
00:11:50,490 --> 00:11:53,290
couple of things I think
we can toy with, so, uh...
310
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,990
let's start off
with a clean slate.
311
00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:58,706
Now, I've come
up with a formation
312
00:11:58,730 --> 00:12:00,330
that I think will work.
313
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,430
This is called the disjointed U.
314
00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:04,290
Disjointed U?
315
00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:05,546
Sounds complicated,
but it's not.
316
00:12:05,570 --> 00:12:06,756
One, two, three, four...
317
00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:08,826
One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
318
00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:10,420
Now, listen carefully.
319
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,926
Center hands off
to the quarterback,
320
00:12:11,950 --> 00:12:14,156
who hands off to the fullback,
who crosses around to the end,
321
00:12:14,180 --> 00:12:16,026
hands off to the end;
the end crosses around
322
00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:17,580
to this side, and...
323
00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:19,396
sends a forward pass
down to the flanker
324
00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:20,636
who's down here, catches it,
325
00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:22,236
laterals to the
opposing flanker,
326
00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,600
and down the field he goes.
327
00:12:26,860 --> 00:12:29,040
Got it?
328
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,820
What happened to
the hidden helmet play?
329
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,596
Oh, the hidden
helmet is child's play.
330
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,180
We're childs.
331
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,496
Hey, Dad, we're not going
to have enough time to learn
332
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,536
any new plays today, are
we? Yeah, yeah, I think we will.
333
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,406
As a matter of fact, I
had a few mimeographed.
334
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:42,710
Why don't you, uh...
335
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,806
Why don't you pass these
out to the players, son?
336
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,376
We've got a couple of
hours before the game.
337
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,246
Why don't you study
these on the bench, men?
338
00:12:48,270 --> 00:12:51,040
And I've got you some
great energy food!
339
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,216
Brownies! Yay!
340
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,446
What do you say? Let's...
341
00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:55,750
hit the field, men, okay?
342
00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:58,370
Hut, hut, hut.
343
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,760
I'll be with you as soon
as I wash the whistle.
344
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,870
I'd like to disjoint his U!
345
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,500
Leonard...
346
00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:33,776
Did you see it, Uncle Oscar?
347
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,076
Yeah, I saw, I saw.
348
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:39,340
It's our first game
of the season,
349
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,416
and our first loss
of the season.
350
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,616
Well, it's one of those things.
351
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:43,966
I wouldn't blame your coach.
352
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,206
Who would you blame?
It's those weird plays.
353
00:13:46,230 --> 00:13:48,336
Yeah, I can't even pronounce
them, much less do them.
354
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,576
Don't be discouraged, men.
355
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,136
We haven't begun to fight!
356
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,960
They're a little bit ahead now,
but we're going to come back!
357
00:13:54,030 --> 00:13:56,396
Felix. Please, Oscar, I don't
have many minutes in here.
358
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,566
Now we've made a few
mistakes, that's all right.
359
00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:00,536
We know where they are,
we know we can correct them.
360
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,336
Felix, we... We're
learning our plays.
361
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,736
We're together,
that's the main thing.
362
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,336
Now, Chubby... Where's Chubby?
363
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:06,536
Over here!
364
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,836
Chubby, don't be disturbed
about that last play.
365
00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:10,146
That was a typing error.
366
00:14:10,170 --> 00:14:11,546
That's not your fault. Felix...
367
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:13,040
Now, men...
368
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,026
What? The game is over!
369
00:14:15,050 --> 00:14:16,266
What?
370
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:18,030
The game is over.
371
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,066
No, it's only the
end of the first half.
372
00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:21,936
No, it's the end
of the second half!
373
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,476
Well, then, the game is over.
374
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,370
Now you got it.
375
00:14:34,210 --> 00:14:35,556
Oh, hi, Gloria. Come in. Hi.
376
00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:36,860
Felix isn't here.
377
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,056
I know.
378
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,926
He's downtown buying
things for the team.
379
00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:41,686
Yeah, he already
bought an album...
380
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,626
Great Coache" Pep Talks. Oh.
381
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,660
He's been listening to
Knute Rockne incessantly.
382
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,390
Oscar, I've got to
talk to you about Felix.
383
00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:51,160
The kids hate him.
384
00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:53,566
Oh, not as a person,
but as a coach.
385
00:14:53,590 --> 00:14:55,070
They want to fire him.
386
00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,236
You got to respect
them for that.
387
00:14:57,260 --> 00:14:59,576
Mm. They had a meeting
at the house last night.
388
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,916
They voted 11 to
one to get rid of him.
389
00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:04,246
Well, at least Leonard
stood up for him. That's nice.
390
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:05,416
No, it was Chubby.
391
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,090
He liked the brownies.
392
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,720
How are you gonna tell him?
393
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,800
I don't know. I...
394
00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:16,490
You-You know
him better than I do.
395
00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:19,200
How would you tell him?
396
00:15:19,270 --> 00:15:20,610
I don't know.
397
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,116
I-I find I'm always better
398
00:15:22,140 --> 00:15:24,396
when I'm straightforward
with Felix, you know.
399
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:25,920
Tell him he did a lousy job,
400
00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:27,866
they lost the game, and
he's out... tell him the truth.
401
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:30,860
The one thing about Felix,
he'll always accept the truth.
402
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,176
That's exactly right.
403
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,760
That's exactly the
way you should tell him.
404
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,860
Bye.
405
00:15:40,370 --> 00:15:43,086
Wait till you see
the ball in the air.
406
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,510
And then go and get it!
407
00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:47,250
And when we get it, boys,
that's when we go on offense.
408
00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:48,720
That's when we go to 'em!
409
00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:51,470
We're going inside 'em,
we're going outside 'em!
410
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:52,696
Inside 'em and outside 'em,
411
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:57,190
Look at this. I got
to fire Knute Rockne.
412
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,386
Listen! Listen to this!
413
00:15:58,410 --> 00:16:00,486
Listen to this! Knute Rockne!
414
00:16:00,510 --> 00:16:02,786
Something I got to tell you now.
415
00:16:02,810 --> 00:16:04,226
You want to talk to me
about yesterday's game?
416
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:05,726
Yes, as a matter
of fact, that's what...
417
00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:07,556
Yeah, you were right, I
was wrong. I know that now.
418
00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:09,626
My... I was much too
technical with the guys.
419
00:16:09,650 --> 00:16:10,766
It's the wrong approach! Yeah.
420
00:16:10,790 --> 00:16:12,666
Right. Your coaching
is all wrong for the kids.
421
00:16:12,690 --> 00:16:14,986
Yes... That's... I know it;
that's why I got this record!
422
00:16:15,010 --> 00:16:16,186
This man!
423
00:16:16,210 --> 00:16:17,580
He knew! He knew!
424
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,426
A coach must
inspire his players.
425
00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:22,170
I've got to give those
kids inspiration, that's it.
426
00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:23,376
No, Felix.
427
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,906
Those kids have enough
inspiration to begin with.
428
00:16:24,930 --> 00:16:26,246
See, once they're
out of the house,
429
00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:27,776
rolling around in the dirt,
stepping on each other,
430
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:28,916
that's what they like, you see.
431
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,246
No, no, no, Oscar, you're cute,
432
00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:31,966
but that's not what the
Rock was talking about.
433
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:34,550
He was talking about
that extra something
434
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:36,736
that the greats
have inside them,
435
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,576
that they can pull out of
themselves when they need it,
436
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,096
when lesser men would give up.
437
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,596
Have you ever thought
of giving up, Felix? Hmm.
438
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,926
Yes, I must confess that
after yesterday's game,
439
00:16:44,950 --> 00:16:46,420
I considered retiring.
440
00:16:46,490 --> 00:16:47,930
Then why don't you?
441
00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:51,340
Because I don't want my
son to think I'm a quitter.
442
00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:55,990
And we're not gonna pass
443
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:58,026
unless our secondary
comes up too close.
444
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,226
But don't forget, men, we're
gonna get 'em on the run.
445
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,250
We're gonna go, go, go, go!
446
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,950
Oscar, did you want
to tell me something?
447
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:08,790
Oh, like the man
said, "Go, go, go."
448
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,160
But first we're coming back
449
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:15,206
with a fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight!
450
00:17:15,230 --> 00:17:16,476
What do you say, men?
451
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,146
Oh, you guys don't understand.
452
00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:21,316
Mr. Unger is with
you all the way!
453
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,216
He's giving you his very best!
454
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,286
It's rotten, but
it's his very best.
455
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:27,656
Now, what are you gonna
do, just throw him out?
456
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,090
Uncle Oscar, look
on the blackboard.
457
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,460
What's that?
458
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:35,026
Plans for Apollo 16? No.
459
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,380
That's a triple reverse.
460
00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:38,010
We practiced it yesterday.
461
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:41,156
And right here is where
we all ran into each other.
462
00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:43,086
We just don't want Dad to coach.
463
00:17:43,110 --> 00:17:44,440
I mean, I love him,
464
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:47,310
but I got to think of
the rest of the team.
465
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,676
Okay, listen, I'm gonna be
your coach during the game.
466
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:52,076
Yay, Coach Madison!
467
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:52,960
Quiet, will you?
468
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:53,940
Now, here's my plan, listen.
469
00:17:54,010 --> 00:17:55,586
Every couple of minutes,
470
00:17:55,610 --> 00:17:57,156
one of you guys from
the bench come in here.
471
00:17:57,180 --> 00:17:58,416
I'll give you a new play.
472
00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:59,686
See, and you bring that out.
473
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,586
Now, you forget anything
that Mr. Unger tells you, okay?
474
00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:03,346
Can I tell Mr. Unger
he's through?
475
00:18:03,370 --> 00:18:04,546
No, Chubby! He's not through.
476
00:18:04,570 --> 00:18:06,546
Officially, he's
gonna be your coach.
477
00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:08,216
That's the official rule, see?
478
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,586
But we won't tell him anything.
479
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:11,286
He mustn't know one
thing about this, all right?
480
00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:12,766
Okay, now, you guys,
get ready, come on.
481
00:18:12,790 --> 00:18:14,066
Let's go.
482
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:16,326
Good luck to you and
your Trojans, Mr. Porter.
483
00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:19,020
Okay, give me
your attention, men.
484
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,656
We're gonna have
a little pep talk.
485
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,710
Now, men, today is the
day we're going to win.
486
00:18:23,790 --> 00:18:26,420
I know it, and you know it,
and you know why we know it?
487
00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:28,696
Because we're going
to go, go, go, go, go!
488
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,720
We're going to fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight!
489
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:33,236
And if they throw
a forward pass,
490
00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:34,706
wait till you see
the ball in the air,
491
00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:35,936
then go and get it!
492
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,046
And if you get it, then
we go on the offense,
493
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,976
and don't forget, we've
got to pick on that one tackle
494
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,430
they've got that's weak.
495
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,346
We're going to go inside,
we're going to go outside!
496
00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:44,986
We're going to go
inside, and go outside!
497
00:18:45,010 --> 00:18:47,356
We're gonna get 'em on the
run, and if we get 'em on the run,
498
00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:48,786
we're going to
keep 'em on the run!
499
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:50,326
And we're gonna
go, go, go, go, go
500
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:51,650
till we get to that goal line!
501
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,010
They can't lick us!
502
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,456
We're going to fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight!
503
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,966
We're gonna win!
What do you say, men?
504
00:18:56,990 --> 00:18:59,120
Good!
505
00:18:59,190 --> 00:19:00,730
Let's go!
506
00:19:06,550 --> 00:19:08,470
They love me.
507
00:19:17,610 --> 00:19:20,410
Go, baby, go, run! Good!
508
00:19:22,450 --> 00:19:24,756
Go!
509
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:26,026
It's fourth down, Uncle Oscar.
510
00:19:26,050 --> 00:19:27,306
What do we do, punt?
511
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:29,316
No, don't punt! We want
to keep hold of the ball...
512
00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:31,426
Fake a punt, and
hand it to Cramer.
513
00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:33,846
But don't let go till he pulls
it away from you. Okay.
514
00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:35,800
Okay.
515
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:41,206
Go, Cramer, go!
516
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:42,740
Run, baby, run!
517
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,856
Good!
518
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,026
It worked, Mr. Madison.
519
00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:48,726
We got our first down.
What do we do now?
520
00:19:48,750 --> 00:19:50,036
Now, their right end
is dropping back.
521
00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:51,360
Untie your shoelaces.
522
00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:53,180
And blow your nose!
523
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,300
That a boy!
524
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,870
That a boy, Chubby!
525
00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:58,756
Keep going, baby,
you're doing beautifully!
526
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,496
We're on the 20, Uncle Oscar!
527
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,756
Dad hasn't noticed a thing.
528
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:02,926
Yeah, I know. I saw him
529
00:20:02,950 --> 00:20:04,576
giving his Knute Rockne
speech to the other coach.
530
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,766
What do we do? Pass?
531
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:06,996
No. Come here, listen.
532
00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:09,536
I want all you guys to get
in front of Cramer, see?
533
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,306
And take him
right up to the end.
534
00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:15,170
And on your way back, bring
me a couple of brownies. Okay.
535
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,480
That's it, Chubby.
536
00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:21,696
That's it, Chubby!
537
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:22,896
Keep running!
538
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,996
Oh, you should have
tied your shoelace first.
539
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:26,300
Good, fall on him!
540
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:28,436
Fall on him, Chubby.
You'll flatten him.
541
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:30,076
Go ahead, baby! Go ahead!
542
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,106
Just put the brownies
on the bench.
543
00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:34,646
Hey, did Mr. Unger notice
544
00:20:34,670 --> 00:20:36,216
that we weren't
using any of his plays?
545
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,810
Yes.
546
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:45,630
Hi, babe.
547
00:20:45,690 --> 00:20:48,990
You look angry, Felix.
548
00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:53,180
Through these, you look
very large and very angry.
549
00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:55,326
Now you look very
small and very angry.
550
00:20:55,350 --> 00:20:57,166
These are called opera glasses.
551
00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,036
You know, you should buy a pair.
552
00:20:59,060 --> 00:21:01,136
Then when you see
Pagliacci, you'll really enjoy...
553
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,776
What are you picking on me for?
554
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,876
So you caught me.
What's the big deal?
555
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:06,800
Eat your brownies.
556
00:21:06,870 --> 00:21:08,370
I lost my appetite.
557
00:21:08,430 --> 00:21:10,746
Not for treachery, you haven't.
558
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,520
Made the first down.
559
00:21:14,570 --> 00:21:16,090
Congratulations, Coach.
560
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,300
I can explain, Felix.
561
00:21:23,370 --> 00:21:25,300
Yeah, so can I.
562
00:21:25,370 --> 00:21:27,346
You just can't
help humiliating me
563
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,140
in front of my son.
564
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:36,226
We're going outside 'em,
inside them and outside 'em,
565
00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:38,086
and when we get
'em on the run once,
566
00:21:38,110 --> 00:21:39,606
we're gonna keep 'em on the run.
567
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:40,846
And we're not gonna pass
568
00:21:40,870 --> 00:21:42,576
unless our secondary
comes up too close.
569
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,846
And don't forget, men,
we're gonna get 'em
570
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:48,230
on the run, we're
gonna... Hi, Felix.
571
00:21:50,940 --> 00:21:52,340
You got a headache?
572
00:21:52,410 --> 00:21:54,486
Hey, why did you
run out like that?
573
00:21:54,510 --> 00:21:56,356
Everybody wondered
what happened to you.
574
00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:57,596
Hey, we won.
575
00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:59,196
They tried the shoelace trick,
576
00:21:59,220 --> 00:22:01,666
and we intercepted the
shoe and made a touchdown.
577
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,360
I'll get it.
578
00:22:07,530 --> 00:22:09,080
Oh, hi, Leonard.
579
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:10,800
Come on in.
580
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:14,196
Dad, can I talk to you?
581
00:22:14,220 --> 00:22:15,670
I'll get lost.
582
00:22:15,730 --> 00:22:17,980
Sure, you can talk to me.
583
00:22:18,050 --> 00:22:20,570
Huh. What's on your mind?
584
00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:23,486
No, I know.
585
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,750
Your mother called me.
586
00:22:25,810 --> 00:22:29,340
Everybody's trying
to spare my feelings.
587
00:22:29,420 --> 00:22:32,590
I just ought to
face the fact that...
588
00:22:32,650 --> 00:22:35,100
I'm a failure as a father.
589
00:22:35,170 --> 00:22:36,550
You're not.
590
00:22:36,620 --> 00:22:37,836
You're a great father.
591
00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:39,466
Football's not
your bag, that's all.
592
00:22:39,490 --> 00:22:41,206
But football isn't
the only thing.
593
00:22:41,230 --> 00:22:42,806
You've taught me lots of things.
594
00:22:42,830 --> 00:22:45,230
Yeah? Like what?
595
00:22:45,300 --> 00:22:47,556
Well, you've taught me
all about photography,
596
00:22:47,580 --> 00:22:49,396
and you've taught
me to love music.
597
00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:51,980
You've taught me
1,000 ways to use raisins.
598
00:22:55,570 --> 00:22:57,156
You're being very kind, Leonard.
599
00:22:57,180 --> 00:22:59,810
I just taught you those
things 'cause I like 'em.
600
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,160
I wasn't thinking about you.
601
00:23:01,210 --> 00:23:02,756
The same with the football game.
602
00:23:02,780 --> 00:23:04,856
I gave you a lot of
complicated plays
603
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,026
'cause I liked it.
604
00:23:06,050 --> 00:23:08,166
I wasn't thinking
about the kids at all.
605
00:23:08,190 --> 00:23:11,310
Well, gee, Dad, we had
another vote after the game.
606
00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:12,636
You did?
607
00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:14,616
They still want me to be coach?
608
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,200
No, we want you
to be team dietician.
609
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,506
And we voted you
the game ball, Dad.
610
00:23:20,530 --> 00:23:22,560
Aw, gee.
611
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:23,916
Thanks.
612
00:23:25,370 --> 00:23:27,516
Tell all the guys thanks for me.
613
00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:29,016
Yeah. Well, I got to go.
614
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,186
Mom's waiting.
615
00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:32,770
Bye, Pop. Bye, son.
616
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,666
Hey, what is that,
the game ball?
617
00:23:45,690 --> 00:23:47,250
That's terrif...
618
00:23:47,330 --> 00:23:49,166
Look at what I'm doing.
619
00:23:49,190 --> 00:23:51,306
I heard the whole conversation.
620
00:23:51,330 --> 00:23:54,260
I'm not only treacherous,
I'm nosy, so hit me.
621
00:23:54,330 --> 00:23:57,160
You're a lucky guy, Felix.
622
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,430
And if I ever do steal
a son, it'll be yours.
623
00:24:00,490 --> 00:24:01,596
Well, let me know
624
00:24:01,620 --> 00:24:03,706
when you're speaking
to me again, will you?
625
00:24:03,730 --> 00:24:05,050
Oscar?
626
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:06,256
What?
627
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:07,336
You're right.
628
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:08,576
I am lucky.
629
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,670
Hey, Coach, catch!
630
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,000
And go, go, go, go!
631
00:24:15,070 --> 00:24:18,130
And we're under attack, and
they're in on that goal line...
632
00:24:27,930 --> 00:24:29,830
What's for breakfast, Felix?
633
00:24:29,900 --> 00:24:31,276
Oh, melon!
634
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:32,916
We've got cantaloupe
this morning that's beautiful.
635
00:24:32,940 --> 00:24:34,786
It's beautiful!
Marvelous! I'd love some.
636
00:24:34,810 --> 00:24:36,086
My throat is so dry.
637
00:24:36,110 --> 00:24:37,886
Bring it to me, will
you? Look at this.
638
00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:40,470
Hey, Oscar. Statue of Liberty.
639
00:24:40,780 --> 00:24:42,036
Oh!
640
00:24:42,060 --> 00:24:42,990
What's the matter? Oh!
641
00:24:43,070 --> 00:24:44,106
What's the matter?
642
00:24:44,130 --> 00:24:45,226
Bursitis! My arm.
643
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:46,726
You can't move it? No!
644
00:24:46,750 --> 00:24:48,616
You sure? Yeah, I can't!
645
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,016
Oh, oh. You can't
move it at all?
646
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,600
No, I can't! Okay.
46629
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