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1
00:00:05,072 --> 00:00:06,072
Mmm.
2
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:12,211
Mmm... Did you
get enough to eat?
3
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:15,114
Enough? I got enough for
the Los Angeles Dodgers
4
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,281
and the New York Mets.
5
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,995
I take it my
cooking's a success.
6
00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:18,984
Are you kidding?
7
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,418
It's better than ballpark food.
8
00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:22,499
But is it better than Felix's?
9
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,022
Hey, wait, Felix
is a great cook,
10
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,790
but it's a whole
different ball game.
11
00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:28,326
See, Felix sets a meal down,
and then he stands over me.
12
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,028
He says, "How is
it?" I say, "It's great."
13
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,029
He says, "Just great?"
14
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:32,931
I say, "No, Felix,
it's sensational."
15
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,166
He says, "Just sensational?
16
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,446
I say, "Felix, it's the best meal
I ever had in my whole life."
17
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,403
He says, "Don't talk
with your mouth full."
18
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,405
Like eating with the gestapo.
19
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,918
So you really like my cooking?
20
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,253
It's good. Just good?
21
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,743
You know, you amaze me.
22
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,213
How do you manage
an entire medical career
23
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:51,216
and still look and
cook like an angel?
24
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:52,584
A girl has to know how to cook.
25
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,919
The way to a man's heart
is through his stomach.
26
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,533
Mm-hmm. I learned
that in medical school.
27
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,634
Should I save the leftover
stroganoff for Felix?
28
00:00:58,658 --> 00:01:00,058
No. Felix is
allergic to anything
29
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,693
with mayonnaise
or sour cream in it.
30
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,362
Besides, he won't eat
other people's cooking.
31
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,199
He's so strange.
32
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,200
Yeah.
33
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,534
He was so nervous tonight.
34
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,681
He was like a kid
going out on his first date
35
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:12,949
instead of a divorced man
36
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,551
having dinner with his ex-wife.
37
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,275
Every week is becoming
reconciliation week with her.
38
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,276
Does he really want
39
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:20,112
to get back together
again with Gloria?
40
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:21,458
More than anything
in the whole world.
41
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:22,959
Listen, will you forget
about the dishes?
42
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,327
I want to talk to
you. Very important.
43
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,229
Where are you going? I don't
know, I'm going to be independent
44
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,564
since my dinner was such a hit.
45
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:28,598
Oh, yeah? I'm liable
46
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,856
to take back what I
said about ballpark food.
47
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,894
Ooh, ah! Aw! Aw!
48
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,396
Ooh! Ooh!
49
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,299
I got a pain that only
your bedside manner
50
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,135
can make any better.
51
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:48,940
Who's that?
52
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,442
Well, it's Felix's timing,
53
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,177
but it can't be Felix.
54
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,617
It can be Felix.
55
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,786
Felix! What happened?
56
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,287
What are you doing
home so early?
57
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,023
I came home to die.
58
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:12,397
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
59
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,232
from his place of residence.
60
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:17,101
That request came from his wife.
61
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,671
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
62
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,874
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
63
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:25,577
With nowhere else
to go, he appeared
64
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:28,380
at the home of his childhood
friend, Oscar Madison.
65
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:31,383
Sometime earlier, Madison's
wife had thrown him out
66
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,418
requesting that he never return.
67
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,887
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
68
00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:38,757
without driving
each other crazy?
69
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,943
Gloria will never
speak to me again.
70
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:37,048
My life is over.
71
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,050
Well, I'm sure
it was your fault.
72
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:40,897
What did you do to
make her mad at you?
73
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,299
I don't know, I don't know.
74
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:44,901
You do know, you do know!
75
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,236
It was a combination of things.
76
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:49,227
I could feel the
hostility begin to rise
77
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,340
when I pushed the piano
78
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,075
back by the window
where it belongs.
79
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,399
Nothing pleases a woman more
80
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,768
than to have a man
rearrange her furniture.
81
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:57,803
All right, Felix,
82
00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,515
let's have the rest, huh?
83
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:02,007
You know how I am about salads.
84
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,008
Yeah.
85
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,342
The lettuce was gritty.
86
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,411
Gloria never knew
how to wash vegetables.
87
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:09,014
You told her something
about the vegetables?
88
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,449
No, I didn't. I didn't
say a word. I was good.
89
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,151
I excused myself from the table,
90
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:16,021
I took the salad into the
kitchen, and I rewashed it.
91
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,656
Oh, Felix!
92
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,724
No! You didn't?!
93
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:28,566
Mm, Felix, no woman likes
to have her lettuce rewashed.
94
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,669
No wonder Gloria blew her stack.
95
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:33,048
You went over there to make
an evening of success, right?
96
00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:35,050
You know, Felix,
with you, being in love
97
00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:37,041
is always having
to say you're sorry.
98
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,054
I know, I know it, I know it.
99
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:41,179
I can't help it.
100
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,415
Gloria is a wonderful person.
101
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,917
But when it comes
to housekeeping,
102
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,753
bats keep their caves cleaner.
103
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,455
The damage is done, Felix.
104
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:51,790
Why don't you go to sleep?
105
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,124
Maybe you'll feel better.
106
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:54,592
I'll never sleep again.
107
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,927
I'm too upset.
108
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,008
Why don't you go in and
brood with your eyes closed?
109
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,932
You're right, don't
worry about me.
110
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,200
I'll survive.
111
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,702
Yeah, but I won't.
112
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,870
Oscar, I have to get up
very early tomorrow morning.
113
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:07,872
Why not take me home
and then come back?
114
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:08,873
But, Nancy!
115
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:09,974
Felix, is there something
116
00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:11,677
you want Oscar to
bring back for you?
117
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,278
Just some poison.
118
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,448
I'll see if I can find
a store that's open.
119
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,427
Hello.
120
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,928
What is it now, Felix?
121
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,263
I have to get up early.
122
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,243
I just wanted to tell
you how sorry I am
123
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,212
that I spoiled your
evening with Nancy.
124
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,069
You told me 14 times.
125
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,971
You're sure you're
not mad at me?
126
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,107
The first 13 times I wasn't.
127
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,475
Now I'm not so sure.
128
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,681
Go to sleep, will you?
129
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,983
Can't sleep.
130
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:11,036
I'm going to sit out here in
the hall a while and think.
131
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:15,373
Good night, old friend.
132
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,477
Go back to sleep.
133
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,024
How can I sleep with you sitting
134
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,125
ten feet away doing
all that loud thinking?
135
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:24,449
Don't worry about me.
136
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:25,650
I'll be all right.
137
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,163
I just didn't want to
be alone, that's all.
138
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,797
Go back to sleep.
Go, go to sleep.
139
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:36,461
I don't have any sympathy for
you, Felix, no sympathy at all.
140
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:37,762
I don't deserve any.
141
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,263
Well, you're not gonna get any.
142
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,466
I don't deserve it. Shut up!
143
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:44,435
It was so important
144
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,049
for you and Gloria
to get along tonight,
145
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,416
and you deliberately
insulted her.
146
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,740
Not deliberately.
147
00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,019
I excused myself
like a gentleman.
148
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,254
I said I was going
to the kitchen
149
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,210
to get a glass of water.
150
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,578
Carrying your salad.
151
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:57,215
That's very smart,
Felix... That is very...
152
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,885
She sure was angry at me
when she came into the kitchen.
153
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,098
She tried to stuff my
tie into the meat grinder.
154
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,622
Well, you can hardly
blame her, Felix.
155
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,024
It's a sloppy world.
156
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:09,928
It doesn't like people going
around trying to tidy it up.
157
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:13,031
I know it, I know
it, but I can't help it.
158
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,365
It's my nature.
159
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:17,335
Some people are
born with... skinny legs
160
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,736
I was born fastidious.
161
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,750
Well, you ought to
try harder to change.
162
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,508
And your legs, they ain't
that great either, you know.
163
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:26,511
All my life I've been this way,
164
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:28,013
as long as I can remember.
165
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,692
I remember when
I was a little kid...
166
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,227
I couldn't have
been more than five...
167
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,518
My grandfather came to visit us.
168
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,024
That's good news, Julie.
169
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:42,127
Give him my love and
don't worry, darling.
170
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,762
That's right, darling.
171
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,196
All right. Bye-bye.
172
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,276
That was your mother, Felix.
173
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,432
Is Daddy all right?
174
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,646
He's going to be fine.
175
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,146
There were no broken bones.
176
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:53,483
But it was very bad of you
177
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,551
to leave a bar of soap
178
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,553
where somebody could fall on it.
179
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:58,710
Yes, sir.
180
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,045
You had no business
181
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,881
washing the sidewalk
in the first place.
182
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:03,882
But it was dirty.
183
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,584
Leaves, gum, hopscotch marks.
184
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,919
Don't talk back.
185
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,732
You're a nice boy, Felix,
186
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,233
but you're a lot of trouble
187
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,135
to your Mommy and
Daddy, you know that?
188
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,171
Getting sent home from
kindergarten because you refused
189
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:17,640
to do your finger painting.
190
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,264
I didn't refuse, Grandpa.
191
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,411
Felix, you can't do your
finger painting with mittens on.
192
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,068
But the paint was messy.
193
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:25,515
You're talking back again.
194
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:28,039
Felix, Felix, Felix,
195
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,252
you're a nice little boy.
196
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:34,145
But why do you have to
be so gosh darn clean?
197
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,614
If there are two things
that nobody likes,
198
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:40,885
it's a dirty old man
and a clean little boy.
199
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,826
Can you imagine how
tough that was on me?
200
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,861
Not you, that poor old man.
201
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,631
What's the use?
202
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,099
I'm hopeless. Hopeless.
203
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,046
Oh, Felix, you're not hopeless.
204
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,570
Now, come on, whoa.
205
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,005
Weird maybe, but not hopeless.
206
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,339
Come on, I'll fix you up.
207
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,308
Felix Unger is a neurotic.
208
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,610
I like weird better.
209
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:06,912
Thank you.
210
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,613
Felix, I'm going
to calm you down.
211
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,115
I'm going to make
you a hornet deluxe.
212
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,294
A hornet deluxe?
213
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:13,685
Oh, you're going
to flip for this.
214
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,665
Sounds like a
hamburger for insects.
215
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,667
Are you kidding, you're
gonna love this drink
216
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,402
I learned to make
it in the army.
217
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:22,060
You get one part vodka, see,
218
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,263
and then you do
one part scotch, see.
219
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,633
And then you do three
parts of malt liquor.
220
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:32,003
And some secret ingredients.
221
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:34,438
This used to relax
me in the foxholes.
222
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,185
That was when I
lived with my ex-wife.
223
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:37,809
I'd rather have cocoa.
224
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,444
You can put cocoa in it, too.
225
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:40,845
Nothing hurts this.
226
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,781
You'll drink it, you'll relax,
227
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:44,950
you'll fall asleep,
228
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:47,252
and then, you'll wake
up in the morning
229
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,054
and everything
will look brighter.
230
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,255
I doubt it.
231
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,600
You want it with
or without a twist?
232
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:52,768
What difference does it make?
233
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,103
Doesn't make any
difference at all.
234
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,093
Weird. Here.
235
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,272
You're not weird.
236
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:57,829
Felix, I was just babbling.
237
00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,008
You were a normal kid.
238
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,010
You told me in college,
you were on the boxing team.
239
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,511
You were never knocked down.
240
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,569
I wouldn't permit myself
to be knocked down.
241
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,304
Filthy canvas.
242
00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:07,638
I'll go back to weird.
243
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,718
Felix, don't you see,
that's your problem?
244
00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:12,043
That I don't like filthy canvas?
245
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,889
Gloria could forgive
you for drinking,
246
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:16,547
for-for gambling,
even for hitting her,
247
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,184
but she can't forgive you
for being cleaner than she is.
248
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,529
It makes her feel insecure.
249
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,920
Why is cleanliness so unpopular?
250
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,356
It's next to godliness.
251
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,436
Then save it for when
you get to heaven.
252
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,570
How's the drink?
253
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,060
It's good.
254
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,328
Except for the twist.
255
00:10:30,364 --> 00:10:31,740
I'm surprised
you're still awake.
256
00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:34,665
I've seen that drink knock
out an entire squadron.
257
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,312
Except for a couple
of chunky wags.
258
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,502
Doesn't bother me.
259
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,004
Give me another, will you?
260
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:39,537
Another one?
261
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:40,505
You'd better get to bed.
262
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:41,505
You have to get up early.
263
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:42,585
Well, I can't go to bed
264
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,654
till we get this thing
straightened out, Felix.
265
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,422
I don't want to keep
living with a guy
266
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,157
who's always
unhappy, doesn't know
267
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,815
where his next laugh
is coming from and...
268
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,854
Sweet dreams, Felix.
269
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:10,969
Hello?
270
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,139
Anybody here?
271
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,876
Hello, Felix.
272
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,711
Oscar!
273
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:22,880
Oh, what a wonderful surprise!
274
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,360
I haven't seen you since the day
275
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,162
you were run over
by the garbage truck.
276
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,231
Yeah, that was an
ironic way to go, wasn't it?
277
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,654
Felix, you know, one day later,
278
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,989
and the garbage men would
have been back on strike?
279
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,525
So I'm surprised
to find you here.
280
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,060
Last time I heard about you,
281
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:39,430
you were at the Julie Andrews
Home For The Incurably Neat.
282
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:40,965
I passed away there.
283
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,167
Of natural causes?
284
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,435
Natural causes!
285
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:46,237
They gave me a glass of
orange juice with lipstick on it.
286
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,738
I died of disgust.
287
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,140
You haven't changed.
288
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,076
But some things have changed.
289
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,946
Look how neat and
clean your desk is.
290
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,581
Oh, this is nothing; you
should've seen my cloud.
291
00:11:57,617 --> 00:12:00,057
Felix, one changes when one
comes through the pearly gate.
292
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,020
One hasn't changed entirely.
293
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,554
Dust.
294
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:05,556
Felix, that's stardust!
295
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,559
Dust is still dust.
296
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:10,239
Yeah, I'll take care of it.
297
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,774
Well, you...
298
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:13,442
What's the matter?
Look at this phone cord.
299
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,431
Isn't this funny?
300
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,401
What's funny about it?
301
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,414
You never could keep your
telephone cord untangled.
302
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,678
You know how that irritates me?
303
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:21,439
Felix, up here in heaven,
304
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,809
we don't worry about things
like phone cords and dust.
305
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:26,143
We take things a lot easier.
306
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,389
Fine! Good.
307
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,058
Now, as I said, your
papers are in order.
308
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,092
Uh-huh. Here are your wings.
309
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,082
Ah!
310
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:32,762
Look, go through
that door, see? Yes.
311
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:33,930
Turn right at the assembly room,
312
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,264
and they'll attach your wings.
313
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,899
These wings are
soiled. They're not soiled.
314
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,389
I can't wear these.
315
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,357
Whoever does your
laundry should be informed
316
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,793
about a substance known as soap.
317
00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:43,873
Felix, I'm in charge
of the laundry.
318
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,630
That explains it.
319
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:48,532
Felix, I have the
patience of a saint...
320
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,145
In fact, I happen to
be a saint, you see...
321
00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:52,147
But you're worse
than my ex-wife.
322
00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:53,683
How she got up
here, I'll never know.
323
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:55,084
Now, look, Felix, see
what's happening?
324
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,619
You're making me
lose my temper and...
325
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:59,978
I had no idea heaven was
run in such a slipshod way.
326
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,757
Felix, I'm getting feelings
327
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,693
I never had since I left Earth.
328
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:06,217
Well, I can't wear
these; they're disgusting.
329
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:07,329
Okay, old buddy.
330
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,598
I hate to do this.
331
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:09,654
What? Do what?
332
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,655
Ooh, hot, hot.
It's the hot line.
333
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:12,890
Hello, Adolf.
334
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:13,969
Yeah.
335
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:16,005
Listen, I've got
a reject for you.
336
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,539
Yeah, but don't be
too rough on him.
337
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:18,763
He's an old friend of mine.
338
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,743
Yeah. Okay, I'll
send him right down.
339
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,111
Bye-bye. No, no!
340
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,946
I hope you're wearing
summer underwear.
341
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,603
No, no, I love the
wings! They are me!
342
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,304
Honest, I love them, Oscar.
343
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,811
Oh, oh, please, please,
give me another chan...
344
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,048
Hmm!
345
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:42,486
Oscar.
346
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,722
Oscar.
347
00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:44,822
Oscar.
348
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,538
What?
349
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:52,596
How can a grown man
sleep with so much junk?
350
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:55,511
I can't find my teddy
bear. Good night.
351
00:13:55,535 --> 00:14:00,271
Oh, Oscar, I had the
most terrible nightmare.
352
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:01,839
Mm!
353
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:04,475
I dreamed I couldn't get into
heaven because I'm too neat.
354
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,622
Felix, if you don't get this
craziness out of your system,
355
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,224
you're never going
to get back with Gloria!
356
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,947
I told you I'm hopeless.
357
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,516
Gloria doesn't want
anybody like me.
358
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,685
She'll find somebody
exactly like herself,
359
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,355
and the two of them will
live sloppily ever after.
360
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,056
Oscar, help me!
361
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,891
Felix, I don't know... Please!
362
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,271
All right, Felix, if I help you,
363
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,006
you promise to do
everything I tell you?
364
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:24,662
Yes.
365
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,008
And no questions? No!
366
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,609
Okay, I'm going to cure
you of your neatness.
367
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,101
How? That was a question.
368
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,305
Are you kidding?
369
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,118
Of course I know
how irritating he is,
370
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:38,275
but I also know he has
many great qualities.
371
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:39,677
The most important one is that
372
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,290
he loves you and
he loves the kids.
373
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,279
What do you say?
374
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,182
You will? Oh, that's great.
375
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,361
Good-bye. Love
you, baby. Bye-bye.
376
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,952
Who you talking to, your bookie?
377
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:49,954
No, your ex-wife.
378
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,655
You and Gloria?
379
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:52,990
Oh, my...
380
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,503
Come on, will you, Felix?
381
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,671
I called her for you.
382
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:56,695
For me?
383
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,108
Yeah. If I let you call her,
you would have blown it.
384
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,242
So, I called her for you.
385
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,477
I-I kind of wish you hadn't.
386
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:05,103
He throws his cigar in the sink!
387
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,439
So, what did she say?
388
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:09,952
She's going to give
you another chance.
389
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,121
Yeah? Yeah. Even though
she's really bugged with you.
390
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,778
She'll see me again?
391
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:16,025
Yeah. She invited you to
dinner on Monday night.
392
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,360
Now, we have to start a
program of changing you
393
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,362
into a nice, normal,
sloppy human being.
394
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:21,964
What is this? It's
making cereal.
395
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,398
I don't want to
dirty the dishes.
396
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:25,322
That is disgusting!
397
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,769
Oh... You're go...
398
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,926
I'm going to have to
wash out this old muck.
399
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,840
You got to get
used to this, Felix.
400
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:32,007
It's part of the cure.
401
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,431
Come on, we'll
start the program.
402
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,300
Felix, if I let you do it
403
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:37,635
your way, you'll blow it.
404
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,148
I won't, I won't! Yes, you will.
405
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,471
Listen, if you go there,
406
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,084
the furniture is not
in its right place,
407
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,418
just leave it alone, will you?
408
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,909
I'll leave it, I'll leave it.
409
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,343
Ugh!
410
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,313
And if the lettuce is a
little gritty, just forget it.
411
00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:50,782
I'll eat it, I'll eat it.
412
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,028
Once, when I was a kid,
I ate a whole mud pie...
413
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,018
Bleah!
414
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,019
Come on, Felix.
415
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:56,132
All right, don't
worry, don't worry.
416
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,122
I won't make the
same mistake twice.
417
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,268
Good. Try to be
a little tolerant.
418
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,092
I will. I'll be tolerant.
419
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,693
I'll be casual.
I'll be generous.
420
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,495
I'll blow it because
this is a losing battle.
421
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,675
I can't even look at you
drink that horrible concoction
422
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,565
without my stomach turning over.
423
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,346
Felix, stop making
those crazy noises.
424
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,880
Nobody wants to remarry a moose.
425
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,882
I can change you if you
put yourself in my hands.
426
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:14,972
I don't know...
427
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:16,318
Oh, come on,
Felix, you promised.
428
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:17,686
Now take it easy. Sit
down. Come on, come on.
429
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,621
Please, try. Just try.
430
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,846
Hey, on the table he puts it.
431
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:23,181
Will you sit down?
432
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,194
For starters, put your feet up.
433
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,517
On the table?
434
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:27,696
On the table.
435
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,086
With my shoes on?
436
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,266
With your shoes on.
437
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,433
Put them on the table.
438
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,469
Now, don't you feel
more comfortable?
439
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,892
I'm going to be sick.
440
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,894
Felix, here.
441
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,463
Throw this away.
442
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,309
Yeah, I know, I
threw it on the floor.
443
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,632
Now you throw the wrapper...
444
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,380
No, not in the
wastebasket, on the floor.
445
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,703
On the floor?
446
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:46,704
Yeah, on the floor
447
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,351
and put your feet
back up, will you?
448
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,685
Now throw the
wrapper on the floor.
449
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:50,808
That's barbaric.
450
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,887
That's right.
451
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,722
If you want to get
along with Gloria,
452
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,180
you got to learn to be
tolerant of us barbarians.
453
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,781
Gloria isn't a barbarian.
454
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,737
Will you throw
the wrapper, Felix?
455
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,154
I-I... I can't, I
can't let go of it.
456
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,001
Sure you can. You
got to let go of it.
457
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,336
Felix, I know you can do it.
458
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,471
I got a lot of faith in you.
459
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,239
You got to think about
Gloria, think about the kids.
460
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,074
You can do it, Felix.
Come on, baby. Go ahead.
461
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,676
Thataway, baby!
You did it, you did it!
462
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,466
Oh, that's enough.
I'm getting a migraine.
463
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,279
No, no, you're
just starting now.
464
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,969
Monday isn't very far off.
465
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,015
All right, stand up.
466
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,216
Stand up.
467
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,074
Take off your jacket.
468
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,343
Now, throw it down.
469
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,946
Not on the couch,
Felix; on the floor.
470
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,114
Again on the floor?
471
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:31,494
Yeah, aim for the
couch and miss,
472
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,661
and let it go on the floor.
473
00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:33,796
Come on.
474
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,731
Attaboy. I knew you could do it.
475
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,132
There you go. Now,
take off your tie.
476
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:38,300
Throw it on the floor.
477
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:39,690
If I do, can I pick
up my jacket?
478
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,704
Felix, we're not here
to make any deals.
479
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:45,362
If you don't want to go back
with Gloria, forget the whole thing.
480
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,831
Unbutton, unbutton.
481
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,044
Don't you feel more comfortable?
482
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,703
I feel as if I haven't had
a bath in a week. Ha!
483
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,283
See, you're making progress.
484
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,285
Come on, let's go. Come on.
485
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,320
Don't step on my...
What, you're still...
486
00:17:58,344 --> 00:17:59,977
Leave it on the floor.
487
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:02,057
You got to give a little bit.
488
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,915
Come on.
489
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,717
I see your room is
immaculate, as always.
490
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:07,885
What did you expect?
491
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,632
Filth, like on the other
side of the tracks?
492
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:10,999
All right, Felix, I want
you to do me a favor.
493
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,334
You've had a
rough time. Sit down.
494
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:13,669
Come on, I want you to relax.
495
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,170
Put your head up here
and your feet up here.
496
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,839
Not my shoes on the
bed! Not my shoes on the...
497
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,830
Please, no! Put
them down, will you?!
498
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,776
It's part of the
cure I told you.
499
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,845
Keep them down.
I want you to relax.
500
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,914
Come on, relax,
while I clean my room.
501
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:29,106
What other surprises have
you in store for me now?
502
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,387
I want you to hold these for me.
503
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:35,513
Oh, no, no, no, Oscar, no,
no, no, not this horrible laundry
504
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,259
you've been saving
since high school!
505
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,528
This is like that dream where
you have bugs all over you.
506
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,731
Oscar, what are you
doing? ♪ Here we go... ♪
507
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,456
Oh, no, no, no. Oh,
not this, please, Oscar.
508
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:46,801
♪ Willy, Willy, Wi-Wi-Wi... ♪
No...
509
00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:48,959
Oh, what a big
s... What is that?
510
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:50,994
Oh, no, oh, no, oh...
511
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:54,965
Oh, there's an anchovy.
512
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,401
How did that get in
there... Ancho-à la-vy?
513
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:04,875
Ooh, Felix, look
what I found here!
514
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:06,888
It's part of a grilled
cheese sandwich.
515
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:09,325
Come on, here, Felix, nibble.
516
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,647
Buddy?
517
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:12,950
Felix.
518
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:21,792
This... Oh, buddy, come on.
519
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,205
You're going to be all right.
520
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,007
Look, don't be afraid.
I'll handle everything.
521
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,364
Don't be afraid.
522
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,931
Holy mackerel.
523
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,600
I went too far.
524
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:33,804
Hello?
525
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,917
I want to speak to
Dr. Cunningham, please.
526
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:38,108
Oscar Madison.
527
00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:41,111
You bet it's important.
528
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:43,547
It's an emergency.
529
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:48,752
How is he?
530
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:50,532
I think he's going to be fine.
531
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,501
You think he's going to be fine?
532
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,358
It's just shock brought on
533
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:57,127
by a thoughtless,
overbearing roommate.
534
00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:58,373
Oh, come on, will you, Nancy?
535
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,242
I didn't know it was
going to turn out like this.
536
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:01,776
I just tried a little
simple psychology.
537
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,866
In our profession,
538
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:05,436
simple psychology
is bad psychology.
539
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,815
Yeah, well, I'll remember that.
540
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,505
I just cannot believe
541
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,207
you'd do such an
irresponsible thing.
542
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:13,143
He wanted my help,
and I tried to give it to him.
543
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,845
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.
544
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,848
I know, I know, I know,
I'll never forgive myself.
545
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,450
Yes, you will, he's...
546
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,751
he's going to be fine.
547
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,219
I calmed him down.
548
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,321
Good. You're not still
mad at me, are you?
549
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,635
Mad, but not furious.
You meant well.
550
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,926
You know better than anybody
how it feels to be messy.
551
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,328
You wanted to share it.
552
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,464
Yeah, I guess I tried to
share with the wrong guy.
553
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:36,032
Well, look who's here.
554
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,702
What do you say?
555
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,036
Boy!
556
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,717
I must have conked out in there.
557
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,274
You sure did.
558
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:44,541
How do you feel?
559
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,643
Great.
560
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:46,877
Sit down, Felix.
561
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:47,956
Let me get you some coffee.
562
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,513
Great.
563
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,925
Boy.
564
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:08,198
Listen, Nancy, I'm
still worried about him.
565
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:09,566
Why? He seems fine.
566
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:10,567
He seems fine?
567
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,235
His shirttail is all out
568
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,737
and with a lady in the house?
569
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,440
Oscar, relax. He
probably didn't notice.
570
00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:18,809
Yeah, well, I'm
going to find out.
571
00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:26,917
How you feeling, buddy?
572
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,887
Great.
573
00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:33,891
Good. Buddy, you
know, your shirt is open?
574
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:35,593
Yeah.
575
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,595
You know there's
a lady in the house?
576
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,264
So? She's never seen
a man's chest before?
577
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:42,043
Felix, I thought you
might be hungry.
578
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:44,268
Oh, boy, great!
579
00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:51,909
Felix, you got some
crumbs on your chest.
580
00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:59,082
Nancy, can I see you in
the kitchen for a minute?
581
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:02,219
What's wrong?
582
00:22:02,255 --> 00:22:05,222
What's wrong? Did you see
Felix eat that cake with his fingers?
583
00:22:05,258 --> 00:22:07,402
Lots of people eat
cake with their fingers.
584
00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:08,559
Not Felix, honey.
585
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:10,071
He eats a banana
with a knife and a fork.
586
00:22:10,095 --> 00:22:13,096
I'm telling you, we've got a
very sick man on our hands.
587
00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:20,738
Felix is dunking.
588
00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:23,106
Felix dunking?
589
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:30,448
What's wrong?
590
00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:31,782
Don't get excited, buddy.
591
00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:33,796
Felix, open your eyes.
Let me see your pupils.
592
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:35,130
What's wrong with you two?
593
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:37,554
Felix, you dropped
some cake on the rug.
594
00:22:40,059 --> 00:22:41,925
Wash it down with some coffee.
595
00:22:44,797 --> 00:22:46,931
I'm tired.
596
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:54,983
I'm going to call Dr. Kronberg.
597
00:22:55,007 --> 00:22:57,641
He's the best man I know
for this kind of disorder.
598
00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:59,710
Use the phone in the
kitchen, will you, honey?
599
00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:00,746
Yeah.
600
00:23:05,951 --> 00:23:08,085
How you feeling, buddy?
601
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,120
Great.
602
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,133
Again with the neck.
603
00:23:11,157 --> 00:23:12,157
Yeah.
604
00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:13,257
I see.
605
00:23:13,292 --> 00:23:14,625
I created a monster.
606
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:16,427
Hey, let's play some gin.
607
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:20,030
Where are the cards?
608
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:21,765
Where are the cards?!
609
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,612
I'll see if I can find
some in the kitchen.
610
00:23:23,636 --> 00:23:24,768
Where are the cards?!
611
00:23:24,803 --> 00:23:26,781
Come on, where are
the... Here they are.
612
00:23:26,805 --> 00:23:28,239
All right, I will.
613
00:23:28,274 --> 00:23:29,784
Thank you very much, Gustav.
614
00:23:29,808 --> 00:23:31,108
What did Gustav say?
615
00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:33,922
It sounds to him like a
temporary schizoid aberration.
616
00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:35,246
Is that fatal?
617
00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:38,260
I doubt it. He suggests
throwing water in the face.
618
00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:40,417
Water in the face?
You're kidding.
619
00:23:40,453 --> 00:23:42,163
It's usually very effective.
620
00:23:42,187 --> 00:23:44,321
Another milestone
in modern medicine.
621
00:23:44,357 --> 00:23:47,858
Forget the water. I got
something a lot better.
622
00:23:47,893 --> 00:23:49,293
Come on, let's play.
623
00:23:49,328 --> 00:23:51,273
Come on, let's, let's
get this junk off the table.
624
00:23:51,297 --> 00:23:52,977
Let's play cards. I'm sorry.
625
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:58,328
How's the room look to you now?
626
00:24:00,038 --> 00:24:03,507
Oh, no... Oh, no, no.
627
00:24:03,542 --> 00:24:05,242
Oh, this beautiful room.
628
00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:07,611
No, no. What have you done?
629
00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:09,124
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
630
00:24:09,148 --> 00:24:10,525
I should be... Clothes on the...
631
00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:12,661
Coffee... coffee on the floor?!
632
00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:15,051
Well, suppose...
Oh, no, no, no, no!
633
00:24:15,087 --> 00:24:16,565
Look, a candy on the floor.
634
00:24:16,589 --> 00:24:17,554
No, Oscar, no!
635
00:24:17,590 --> 00:24:19,089
No, no, no, no, no!
636
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:28,598
How did it go, Felix?
637
00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:33,303
Well, Gloria... she's... she's
got such a vicious temper...
638
00:24:33,338 --> 00:24:35,316
Get out of the way, will
you? I can't see the ball game.
639
00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:37,307
You ask me how it goes.
You want to hear my story?
640
00:24:37,342 --> 00:24:38,375
Turn the game off.
641
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:39,721
How did... What did you do?
642
00:24:39,745 --> 00:24:41,690
You started to get on her
about her housekeeping.
643
00:24:41,714 --> 00:24:43,013
No, I didn't. No, I didn't!
644
00:24:43,049 --> 00:24:44,948
The pot roast was
overcooked. I said nothing.
645
00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:46,283
Good. So what happened?
646
00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:48,852
After dinner, she wanted
to go out for ice cream.
647
00:24:48,888 --> 00:24:51,033
Yeah? So, I ordered
a hot chocolate.
648
00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:52,622
She ordered a hot fudge sundae.
649
00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:55,258
So? I passed a remark.
650
00:24:55,294 --> 00:24:56,360
What kind of remark?
651
00:24:56,395 --> 00:24:58,228
I said it with love.
652
00:24:58,263 --> 00:24:59,730
What did you say with love?
653
00:24:59,765 --> 00:25:01,899
I said, "If my dress
were as tight as yours,
654
00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:03,745
I wouldn't order a
hot fudge sundae."
655
00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:05,502
Oh, boy. Then what did she say?
656
00:25:05,537 --> 00:25:07,537
She gave it to me.
46360
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