Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:45,477
Felix, I got a
hangover, will ya?
2
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,330
You're defrosting my freezer.
3
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,497
I was frappéing this for you.
4
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:55,521
A little waker-upper.
5
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,824
How about a little
shutter-upper?
6
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,627
I was just trying to be nice.
7
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,463
I know you have a
hangover this morning.
8
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:07,199
It's because of you
I have a hangover.
9
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,378
Now leave me alone
10
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,679
before I do something
I may regret.
11
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:12,471
I said I was sorry
about last night!
12
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,284
You're shouting, Felix.
13
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:15,419
What's to be sorry?
14
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,721
I love to stay in a bar
till 4:00 in the morning,
15
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,790
because my roommate locked
me out of my own apartment.
16
00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:21,547
Aren't you forgetting
our little pact?
17
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,727
I'm running out
of patience, Felix.
18
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,150
When the mat is turned over,
19
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,329
that means one
of us has got a girl.
20
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,853
The other guy is on his own.
21
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,900
Yeah, but the mat's
been turned over
22
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,100
four times already this week.
23
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:33,492
I'm on a hot streak
with the ladies.
24
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,339
Warren Beatty was never on
such a hot streak with the ladies.
25
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,542
What were you
doing till 4:00 a.m.?
26
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:41,366
I was showing
slides of Atlantic City.
27
00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:42,701
Now I get it.
28
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,614
First you bore them to death,
29
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:45,649
then you make your move.
30
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,606
Get out of my life, Felix.
31
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,007
Look, the pact was your idea.
32
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,186
Do you want to
draw up another one?
33
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:52,055
I'm more than
willing to sign it.
34
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:55,013
All I want you to do is
shut up and leave me alone.
35
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:55,881
Oscar.
36
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,248
Shut up, Felix.
37
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,019
Here, drink this.
38
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,959
Oh, Oscar, even
animals... Shut up, Felix.
39
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:09,805
That's two "shut up, Felixes."
40
00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:12,531
No, that's three "shut up,
Felixes"... you miscounted.
41
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,800
Get out of my room, now!
42
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,621
I'm frappéing one for myself.
43
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:42,727
I just frappéed it.
44
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,330
And you're next!
45
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,243
I was only trying to help you.
46
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,166
Do you want to help me, Felix?
47
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,212
Yes. Really help?
48
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:49,867
Yes!
49
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,202
Get out!
50
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,250
Do you realize you're
practically telling me
51
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:55,452
you don't want me here anymore?
52
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,608
What "practically"?
53
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:59,077
I'm saying it: I don't
want you here anymore.
54
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,011
What are you doing?
55
00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:01,224
What does it look
like I'm doing?
56
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:03,281
Keep it up, Oscar, keep it up.
57
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,450
I'm likely to take you up on it.
58
00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:06,785
Take me up on it.
59
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:11,701
You know, I've got a
good mind to really leave.
60
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,703
You have no choice,
Felix... you're out!
61
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,727
Just remember the old adage:
62
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,463
"Laugh before breakfast
and you'll cry before dinner."
63
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,576
No, no, you have it all wrong:
64
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,411
"Cry when you're here,
laugh when you're out."
65
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:22,667
Fine!
66
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,504
Let it be on your head.
67
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,131
That's right, Gwen,
68
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:01,666
and now the place is mine.
69
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,267
Yeah, I mean it's all mine.
70
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,570
What do you say we
have dinner tonight?
71
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,871
You like Chinese food?
72
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,439
Great, we'll have a feast.
73
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,475
Ciao.
74
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,580
Madison Manor, Oscar
the Beautiful speaking.
75
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:16,693
It's me.
76
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,761
I don't want to talk and
I'm not trying to make up.
77
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,763
Kindly forward my
mail to Murray's.
78
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,365
Does Murray know
what he's doing?
79
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:26,224
Murray and Mimi are
not fair-weather friends.
80
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,471
Please remember
to water my fern.
81
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,373
And the sink's been
giving me trouble.
82
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:31,608
If it backs up...
83
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,296
Felix...
84
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,965
I intend to sell the sink.
85
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,515
Hey, you did a great job
86
00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:40,917
straightening up my closet.
87
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,018
Thank you, Murray.
88
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,108
Huh?
89
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,143
Felix did it.
90
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:45,677
Oh, thanks, Felix.
91
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,445
Isn't he something?
92
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,848
I think he's charming.
93
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,550
He pulls out a chair for a lady,
94
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,453
opens a door, cooks like a chef.
95
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:57,589
And he doesn't mind
doing the dishes.
96
00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,425
Murray, we'll have you
doing the dishes yet.
97
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,066
Listen, Gwen, I'm sorry
about the chow mein.
98
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,235
I didn't know Felix had
taken his soy sauce with him.
99
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,236
Oh, that's all right.
100
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,149
It's not just the
soy sauce, Oscar.
101
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,573
I just don't like
eating out of cartons.
102
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:18,176
It makes the egg rolls
taste like cardboard.
103
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,778
There's nothing
I can do about it.
104
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,557
See, I'm out of plates
and the sink is full of them.
105
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:24,182
I'm going to sell that sink.
106
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,917
Hey, try some
sweet and sour duck.
107
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:26,963
No, no, I don't think I will.
108
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:27,997
Oh, go ahead,
really, it's really good.
109
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,833
No, really, I don't
crave any now.
110
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,890
And I'm sure I won't crave
any an hour from now.
111
00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:34,392
Oh, what difference
does it make?
112
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,194
Gwendolyn, do you realize
113
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,328
this is the very first time
114
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:39,431
you and I have been ever
alone in this apartment...
115
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:40,298
Without Felix, I mean?
116
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:40,965
Yes.
117
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,434
I miss him.
118
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:43,801
You miss Felix?
119
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:45,070
Why? He was always in the way,
120
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,272
cleaning and tidying
and vacuuming.
121
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,587
Dusting.
122
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:54,011
Do you know, he never
even kissed me good-bye.
123
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,613
How about kissing me hello?
124
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,093
No, I really don't
think I should.
125
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,628
I mean, after eating
from those cartons,
126
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,396
I think I've got
cardboard on my breath.
127
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,120
No, you don't. No,
you really don't.
128
00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:04,756
You know, it's really so sad
129
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:05,802
about you and Felix.
130
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,092
What is?
131
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,071
I mean, how could
you throw him out
132
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,573
into the cold, dark night?
133
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,531
Gwendolyn, it was 10:00 in
the morning on a sunny day.
134
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,500
Besides, it was the
best thing for both of us.
135
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,635
Why?
136
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:19,070
Why? Because we were driving
each other crazy, that's why.
137
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,149
Heaven knows, I really tried.
138
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,151
Oh, now I think I understand.
139
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,219
Do you? Yeah.
140
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:26,711
Do you know, I... I
remember my first fiancée.
141
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,958
We got a little tipsy one night
142
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,860
and I really told him off.
143
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,783
And then he bit my ankle.
144
00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:35,219
He bit your ankle?
145
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,220
Yeah.
146
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,757
Oh, well, he was lying
under the table at the time.
147
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,037
Ooh, he was a terrible
drinker, that one.
148
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,172
Do you know, about
a month after that,
149
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,874
he got discharged
from the Queen's guards
150
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,499
because they found a
bottle under his busby.
151
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,201
Busbies, bottles, what
are we talking about?
152
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:52,103
We should be talking about us.
153
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,173
A man and a woman,
alone, finally, in the apart...
154
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,008
Oscar, what's that?
155
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,044
That's a turkey leg.
156
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,622
I know it's a turkey leg.
157
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,213
What's it doing stuffed
down behind the settee?
158
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:05,449
I was gonna have it for
lunch, on Tuesday, but I lost it.
159
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,763
You lost a turkey leg?
160
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,788
You're crying because
I lost a turkey leg?
161
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,734
No...
162
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,435
You reminded me of Felix.
163
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:16,995
A turkey leg
reminded you of Felix?
164
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,440
No, well, it just seemed
165
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:20,999
so lost and disjointed.
166
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,102
I mean, the place isn't
the same without him.
167
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,403
That's right, it's better.
168
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,505
I mean, I can still feel
169
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,674
his presence
through all the dirt.
170
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:30,641
Well, look, I'll
clean it up, hon!
171
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,344
Well, you can't clean
away his memory.
172
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:37,048
It's on your head, Oscar.
173
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,656
That's fascinating.
174
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,525
Did you use it today?
175
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,526
Nah.
176
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:49,994
I'm just getting it in shape
177
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,296
for tomorrow's inspection.
178
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,297
It's a rule.
179
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,809
They have to clean
their guns every day.
180
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,633
Every day?
181
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,768
Our police commissioner's
a real crackerjack.
182
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,671
Yeah, it's too
bad he's resigning.
183
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:00,938
He's resigning?
184
00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:03,608
Yeah, he's getting his
own talk show next year.
185
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,209
You missed a little
spot on the barrel.
186
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,889
Yeah, well, just
watch it, Felix.
187
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,680
You know, that's...
188
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,583
Is it loaded?
189
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,417
It's loaded.
190
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:16,988
Oh, Murray, he got
your number painting.
191
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,627
Felix shot Daphne
right between the eyes.
192
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,107
He loved it so.
193
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,764
It took him six
months to fill her in.
194
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,234
She was just like a
member of the family.
195
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,403
What can I say?
196
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,373
Aw, don't say
anything. Just forget it.
197
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,808
Are you sure it's all right?
198
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,955
Yeah, it's okay,
Felix. It's all right.
199
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,545
Well, good, then I'm going
200
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:43,280
to speak with complete
frankness to you, Murray.
201
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,550
I think it's deplorable
that a police officer,
202
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,352
with your background,
203
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,365
would clean a loaded
pistol in his own home.
204
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,589
I know it's a violation,
205
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:52,969
but I'm not going to
report you this time,
206
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,369
because you've been a
very good friend to me.
207
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,393
But from now on,
I'm warning you:
208
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,429
watch your step.
209
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,234
Good night, Mimi.
210
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,269
Thanks, Felix.
211
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:15,479
Mimi... take the gun
away from me, please.
212
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,548
Oh, Murray.
213
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,517
$350 a month?!
214
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:20,752
For what?
215
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,464
All the place needs
is a little sprucing up.
216
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:25,322
Mister, you need
the sprucing up.
217
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:28,826
This place could use
the National Guard.
218
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,427
Aw, come on, lady.
219
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,241
You could clean this place
up with your eyes closed.
220
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,276
I'd have to do it with my eyes,
221
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,211
ears, nose and throat closed.
222
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,402
This place is cursed.
223
00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:39,170
Where are you going?
224
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,939
I'd never take this job.
225
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,809
I'd sooner clean up the zoo.
226
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:48,680
Yeah, well, don't come
begging for a second chance.
227
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,298
Mimi, you know, I'm as
fond of Felix as you are,
228
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,734
but I can't take this anymore.
229
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:02,604
You know what he did last night?
230
00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:05,163
You went to your
bridge club, you know?
231
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:07,143
I decided to get to bed early.
232
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,568
Well, about 11:30, I woke
up to get a drink of water.
233
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:16,340
When I got back to the
bedroom, my bed was made up.
234
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,820
He's driving me crazy.
235
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,044
Well, Murray, I'll
be honest with you.
236
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,480
He's driving me crazy, too.
237
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:23,915
Well, that did it.
238
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,417
Just going to have to tell him
239
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:27,663
he's going to have to leave.
240
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,887
Good.
241
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,332
When he comes in, you tell him.
242
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,722
Me?
243
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,324
You're the man in the family.
244
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,826
But, Felix is my friend.
245
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,528
I can't just tell him...
246
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:40,131
Put on your badge and
gun, maybe that'll give you
247
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:42,366
some courage.
248
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,768
Good morning, all!
249
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,148
Oh, you're having
your breakfast.
250
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:47,216
Darn, I was going to fix you
251
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,317
one of my specialties:
252
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,041
Omelet a la Unger.
253
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,253
Ah, that's nice of you Felix.
254
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:53,878
Nice of me. Don't be silly.
255
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,179
It's the least I can do.
256
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,815
I'm not a sentimental man,
257
00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,585
but you two have been
so wonderful to me.
258
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:04,321
Unlike certain others who
shall remain nameless.
259
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:07,224
Words can't express my feelings.
260
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,428
Well, Felix, the
feeling is mutual.
261
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,729
Right, Murray?
262
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,042
Right, Felix.
263
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,906
I better get ready
to go to work.
264
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:25,243
One thing... since we're going
265
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,556
to be together for some time,
266
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,980
I thought maybe we better do
something about the bathroom.
267
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,226
What's wrong with the bathroom?
268
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,618
Nothing's wrong with
your bathroom, per se.
269
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,953
But we all take our
showers in the morning,
270
00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:37,121
and we get jammed up.
271
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:38,689
I thought it might be better
272
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,369
if one of us took a
shower the night before.
273
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:43,238
Now, Murray should be allowed to
take a shower whenever he wants to,
274
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,673
because he works
irregular hours.
275
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,363
So that leaves you and me.
276
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:47,932
How would you feel
277
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:49,779
about taking your shower
the night before, Mimi?
278
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:52,381
Felix, we're really not going
to be needing a schedule.
279
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,383
No, we don't, it's just...
it's very simple to work out,
280
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:55,584
if you let me explain...
281
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,308
Well, that's not
what Murray means.
282
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:58,876
Is it, Murray?
283
00:12:58,911 --> 00:12:59,911
Murray?
284
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,114
It's my mother.
285
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,782
Go on, Murray.
286
00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:06,717
It's her mother.
287
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,453
She's coming to visit us.
288
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,022
Oh, wonderful.
289
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,491
Where's she going to sleep?
290
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,426
In your room.
291
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,175
You mean you want me to leave.
292
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,998
We're only thinking
of you, Felix.
293
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:23,601
I wouldn't wish my
mother off on anybody.
294
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,236
Except Murray,
295
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,138
and that's only
because I love him.
296
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,386
I've enjoyed my stay
with you very much.
297
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:33,244
And I thank you.
298
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,012
I'll pack.
299
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:41,219
We had to do it.
300
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,654
Well, maybe now,
301
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,401
he'll go back home to Oscar.
302
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:48,092
Yeah... poor Felix.
303
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,628
Poor Oscar.
304
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,602
Hey, Oscar, Tony
Ann in the third.
305
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:01,906
Oscar, I know you're
not burying a bone,
306
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,507
so you must be
looking for something.
307
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,220
Looking for my gray shirt.
308
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,657
Felix must have
hid it before he left.
309
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,358
Now, where would
he hide my gray shirt?
310
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,215
Maybe it's under your
other gray clothes.
311
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:14,852
Hey, Speed, what
does this look like?
312
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,153
Like a pajama top and tie.
313
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,723
Looks like you're going
to a formal slumber party.
314
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,269
Yeah.
315
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,771
I just wanted you to know,
that if there's any mail for me...
316
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,607
Felix, we had this
conversation three days ago.
317
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:38,642
I know, send it to Murray's.
318
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,411
No, to Vinnie's.
319
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:41,845
How come you're at Vinnie's?
320
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,659
Murray's mother-in-law
is coming to visit.
321
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:47,051
Vinnie has plenty of room,
his wife is visiting her mother.
322
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,998
Ah! She must've
heard you were coming.
323
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:54,292
Shall we leave personalities
out of this, Mr. Madison?
324
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,593
Okay, listen, Felix, hey...
325
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,340
Now, where'd you
hide my gray shirt?
326
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,629
It's in the refrigerator.
327
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,042
It's wrapped in a towel
328
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,900
with a couple of other shirts.
329
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,935
In the refrigerator?! Why?
330
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:06,637
That's the way you keep shirts
damp before you iron them.
331
00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:08,872
I thought it was lettuce
wrapped in a towel.
332
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,942
Where'd you put the lettuce,
in the laundry hamper?
333
00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:13,511
I didn't call for the purpose
334
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,291
of enjoying your
delicate sarcasm, Oscar.
335
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,381
I'm only concerned
about my mail.
336
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,417
What mail? The
only mail you ever get
337
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:20,951
is the National Geographic.
338
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:22,386
That came three days ago.
339
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,156
So you don't have to call
me for four more weeks.
340
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,906
Felix, will you please sit
down and give me a chance
341
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,575
to win some of my money back?
342
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,665
Ashes.
343
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,202
Isn't it enough that
you're cleaning up in gin?
344
00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,772
Can't you clean up
just one thing at a time?
345
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,812
Felix, what kind of
air freshener is that?
346
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,993
Sea Wind... "makes every room
as fresh as the incoming tide."
347
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,216
What's wrong?
348
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:54,818
I don't like the smell
of the incoming tide.
349
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,454
I like green pine.
350
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:57,621
Green pine?
351
00:15:57,656 --> 00:15:58,923
Am I to gather that you'd
352
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,503
prefer I freshen the
room with green pine?
353
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:01,926
No, no, you're my guest.
354
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,306
Freshen the air with
anything that you like.
355
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,464
But will you spray
fast and sit down?
356
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,098
You got me on a blitz.
357
00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:19,911
Well, I've checked your books,
358
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:23,714
and you can continue to live
like a king... if you don't eat.
359
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,886
He did it to me.
360
00:16:28,922 --> 00:16:32,990
The curse of the Felix,
it's on my head, he did it.
361
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,633
Look at that.
362
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,450
Isn't this ridiculous?
363
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,218
Not especially.
364
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,956
But that... that's ridiculous.
365
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,597
Vinnie, if I were
you, I'd speak to Bebe
366
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:15,166
about her furniture polish.
367
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,501
Whatever she's
using is leaving a film.
368
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,336
I polish the furniture.
369
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,538
Oh.
370
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,474
I don't see any film.
371
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:26,810
My ex-wife could
never see any film either.
372
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:29,347
Gloria had weak
depth perception.
373
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,783
I don't see it
because it's not there.
374
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,785
If you say so.
375
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:37,321
Not because I say so,
because it doesn't exist.
376
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:39,657
Fine. It doesn't exist.
377
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,326
But if you'd try Neverdust,
378
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,401
instead of whatever
it is you're using...
379
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:48,499
I tried Neverdust and
it had a funny smell.
380
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,968
You're telling me
my tables smell?
381
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,838
Felix, I... I never
smelled your tables.
382
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,484
Now, will you pick a card?
383
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:56,774
I don't need to.
384
00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:57,975
Why?
385
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,644
Gin.
386
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,422
Why don't you admit
it: you miss him.
387
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,824
Are you kidding?
388
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,158
What's to miss?
389
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,494
This is living.
390
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,674
I'll tell you what I do miss:
391
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,543
a doctor, because I think
392
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,967
I shattered the whole knee.
393
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,774
Yeah?
394
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,676
Hi, it's me.
395
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:08,278
Oh, Felix the witch doctor.
396
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,714
I just wanted to tell you
where to forward my mail.
397
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:13,184
Oh, you got bounced
out of Vinnie's so fast?
398
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,652
My parting with Vinnie
was perfectly amicable.
399
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,532
Yeah, yeah, okay,
where are you now?
400
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,524
I'm upstairs at
the Pigeon sisters'.
401
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,192
They insisted I come.
402
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,128
And in a few hours,
they'll insist you go.
403
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,596
This is ridiculous, Oscar.
404
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:26,863
Same to you, pal.
405
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:32,903
You're really sure I won't
be in the way, aren't you?
406
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:33,837
Oh, of course not.
407
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,417
It'll be great fun having you.
408
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:36,407
Really? Yes!
409
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:37,953
It'll be like one big party.
410
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,554
Oh, wonderful. And
I'll do all the cooking.
411
00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:40,878
No, no, no, no.
412
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,858
I do all the cooking
in this house.
413
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,315
Oh, there I go, I'm awful.
414
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,317
Of course you'll
do all the cooking.
415
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,851
I'll just cook for myself.
416
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:50,521
Oh, no, I can prepare
all your favorite dishes.
417
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,134
Oh, yes, Gwen's marvelous.
418
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:54,136
You should see her late husband.
419
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,038
He was as thin as a rail.
420
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:57,739
She had him stout in no time.
421
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,463
He wasn't stout.
422
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,377
Oh, if that Sidney wasn't stout.
423
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,866
No.
424
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,668
He was... well-proportioned.
425
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,871
Oh, yes, well-proportioned,
for a big fat fellow.
426
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,240
Oh, stop it...
427
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:12,009
I make awful noises at
night with my sinuses.
428
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,245
Oh. Oh.
429
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,313
Oh, well, that's all right.
430
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,615
Cessie and I are loud snorers.
431
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,963
Not as loud as big fat Sidney.
432
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,466
I just wanted to tell
you, I do strange things.
433
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:28,125
Felix, I've told you before,
434
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,360
we're nice girls.
435
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:33,964
I know.
436
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:35,110
I just wanted to warn you
437
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,811
that it may not all
be one big party.
438
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:39,136
Some people seem to
find me difficult to live with.
439
00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:40,371
Oh, that's silly.
440
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:42,639
I'm exhausted; I'm going to bed.
441
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,142
I'm tired out from
all this moving.
442
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:47,778
One thing: When
do you girls bathe?
443
00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:51,648
Aren't you getting
a little personal?
444
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,962
We both bathe in
the morning, Felix.
445
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,286
Why?
446
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:58,122
Ah, that's bad, you
see, that makes three.
447
00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,923
It would be so much better
448
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:02,070
if one of us took his bath
at night before going to bed.
449
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,561
Well, you two talk it over.
450
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,028
Good night.
451
00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:15,305
He may be right, you know.
452
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:17,441
What? About the shower?
453
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:20,544
No, about it not
being one big party.
454
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:22,346
Don't you agree?
455
00:21:22,381 --> 00:21:23,781
No, I don't agree.
456
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:25,248
And I don't agree
457
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,485
about what you said
about my Sidney, so there.
458
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:41,598
Oh, America's guest.
459
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,968
Just passing through.
460
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:46,236
On your way to where?
461
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:47,705
That's my business.
462
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:49,973
Oh.
463
00:21:50,008 --> 00:21:52,275
Oh, I, uh... I forgot my keys.
464
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,678
And I guess that's my business.
465
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,380
I still have mine.
466
00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:58,015
As I was passing through,
467
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,418
I thought I'd return
your key to you.
468
00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:02,252
Thank you.
469
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:08,058
Here's your key.
470
00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:09,327
Thank you.
471
00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:10,695
Hey, what's happening?
472
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:11,940
About what?
473
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:13,208
You're obviously
not Willy Loman.
474
00:22:13,232 --> 00:22:14,743
What are you doing
carrying those bags?
475
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:16,701
Just leaving.
476
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,570
How did you get the
Pigeon sisters mad at you?
477
00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:22,406
It's impossible to get
them mad at anybody.
478
00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:24,320
I'd prefer not to discuss
it, if you don't mind.
479
00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:26,888
Well, what'll you do now, take
an ad in the paper: "Help offered"?
480
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:29,580
No, I'm going to a hotel.
481
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:49,778
You throwing out garbage?
482
00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:51,880
Board of Health force you to?
483
00:22:51,904 --> 00:22:53,771
Nah, I don't want things
484
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:55,439
to get piled up, you know.
485
00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:56,985
How is everything with you?
486
00:22:57,009 --> 00:22:57,974
Oh, fine, great.
487
00:22:58,010 --> 00:22:59,153
It's a little
cluttered in there,
488
00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:00,377
but that's the way I like it.
489
00:23:00,413 --> 00:23:01,490
Cluttered.
490
00:23:01,514 --> 00:23:02,691
Yeah, but it's going to be okay
491
00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:05,348
'cause I'm gonna have somebody
come and clean once a week.
492
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,061
Get somebody to
do your laundry, too.
493
00:23:07,085 --> 00:23:09,787
This is what they
call the casual look.
494
00:23:09,822 --> 00:23:12,423
We've been friends a long
time... Oscar, we made mistakes.
495
00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:13,936
What were you gonna
say? No, go ahead.
496
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:14,925
No, I was just gonna say that
497
00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:16,460
I don't know what
I was going to say.
498
00:23:16,495 --> 00:23:17,594
What were you going to say?
499
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:19,108
Something stupid, I'm sure.
500
00:23:19,132 --> 00:23:21,365
Oh, no, Felix, no, you
say some bright things
501
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,767
and you do some bright...
502
00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:24,768
Look, I'm telling you,
I'm the dumb one.
503
00:23:24,804 --> 00:23:26,770
The truth is, I was
doing a lot better
504
00:23:26,806 --> 00:23:28,204
when you were living here.
505
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,873
Well, I certainly hope so.
506
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:32,543
Since you left and you
put that curse on me,
507
00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:34,377
everything's been going wrong.
508
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,379
Felix, what I mean
is, you don't have to go
509
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,983
to the hotel if
you don't want to.
510
00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:40,261
You really mean it?
511
00:23:40,285 --> 00:23:41,384
What do you want me to do,
512
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,087
give you a speech,
a ticker tape parade?
513
00:23:43,122 --> 00:23:44,299
I don't have any more confetti.
514
00:23:44,323 --> 00:23:45,366
Oh, I hate confetti.
515
00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:46,870
It's perfectly useless
and it's messy.
516
00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:51,528
Well, I'm glad you find
something funny to laugh at.
517
00:23:51,563 --> 00:23:54,098
It's just it's the first time
I laughed since you left.
518
00:23:54,133 --> 00:23:56,700
I just want to know
I'm welcome, that's all.
519
00:23:56,736 --> 00:23:58,168
You're welcome.
520
00:23:58,203 --> 00:24:00,738
My house is your
house, Felix... come on.
521
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:03,406
Felix?
522
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,843
Look, I know this is
going to sound silly, but...
523
00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:07,222
would you remove the curse?
524
00:24:07,246 --> 00:24:08,478
Oh, Oscar...
525
00:24:08,514 --> 00:24:09,691
Please, will you?
It's on my head.
526
00:24:09,715 --> 00:24:11,026
I mean it, Felix,
it's on my head.
527
00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:12,482
I remove the curse.
528
00:24:12,518 --> 00:24:13,798
Thank you, Felix.
529
00:24:18,891 --> 00:24:20,858
Oh, come on, now,
don't get sentimental.
530
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:22,493
I'm not sentimental.
531
00:24:22,528 --> 00:24:24,895
Who wouldn't cry
looking at this kitchen?
532
00:24:31,103 --> 00:24:32,469
Good morning.
533
00:24:33,772 --> 00:24:35,706
I bring you morning cheer.
534
00:24:35,741 --> 00:24:36,941
Hi, Felix.
535
00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:38,342
What is it?
536
00:24:38,377 --> 00:24:39,944
Boysenberry and clam juice.
537
00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:41,178
It's good, drink it.
538
00:24:41,214 --> 00:24:42,457
Ew, it smells awful.
539
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:43,580
Mmm!
540
00:24:43,615 --> 00:24:45,716
Mmm! That's good.
541
00:24:45,751 --> 00:24:46,783
Open the doors.
542
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,152
Open the doors?!
543
00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:50,721
Open the doors.
544
00:24:50,756 --> 00:24:51,800
I'll drink it.
545
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:54,384
I really will, I'll drink it.
38203
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof