Original subtitles

ONLY KATEY AND SPUD WOULD GET REGISTERED

AT A TRENDY GADGET STORE LIKE FUTURE IMAGE.

I THINK IT'S GENIUS.

I SAY WE CHIP IN AND GET THEM THE NIGHT GOGGLES.

THAT'S GOOD, BERG.

NOTHING SAYS COMMITMENT AND TRUST LIKE SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT.

LA! WANT A BEER?

IS THERE A FLOAT PARKED OUTSIDE?

IT'S MY FIRST TIME BEING A BRIDESMAID.

IF I WANT TO WEAR THE GLOVES, I'M WEARING THE GLOVES.

HEY, PETE.

HEY, PRINCESS.

I'M TELLING YOU, THE ONLY WAY TO WATCH THE GODFATHER MOVIES

IS ONE RIGHT AFTER THE OTHER.

I BELIEVED THAT... THEN.

I BELIEVE THAT NOW.

HEY! GIVE ME 20 BUCKS FOR KATEY'S WEDDING GIFT. HOW ABOUT THE, UH...

THE TOOTHPASTE MAKER?

WAIT, WAIT! KATEY... KATEY WHO?

KATEY. YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA GO.

I'M JUST, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GOOD AT WEDDINGS.

Berg: THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YOU'RE ONLY NOT GOOD AT WEDDINGS...

COMPARED TO ME.

HE IS QUITE THE DANCER.

YOU'RE A CROSS BETWEEN JOHN TRAVOLTA AND FRED ASTAIRE.

WITH A DASH OF GOMEZ ADAMS.

CARA MIA?

OOH.

OH! YOU STILL GOT IT.

AND I PLAN TO USE IT.

IF I CAN GET ASHLEY TO GO WITH ME.

I'LL TWIRL HER, DIP HER, AND CHARM HER...

RIGHT INTO MY WEB OF LOVE.

GENIUS, GOMEZ.

OF COURSE.

OOH!

SORRY, 'TISH.

I JUST SPOKE WITH KATEY.

SHE REALLY WANTS YOU TO COME TO THE WEDDING.

FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?

AREN'T EX-GIRLFRIENDS SUPPOSED TO DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH?

AND IF THEY DON'T HAVE THE DECENCY TO DO THAT,

THEY SHOULD AT LEAST BE MISERABLE.

OR GET MAJORLY, MAJORLY FAT.

WELL, I HEARD SHE HAS PUT ON A FEW.

REALLY?

COME ON! IF YOU DON'T MAKE UP YOUR MIND,

THERE WON'T BE TIME TO RENT YOU A TUX.

FORTUNATELY, I ALREADY OWN A TUX.

YOU DO? REALLY?

SURE. FOR THOSE JUKEBOX REPAIRMAN AWARDS.

ALL MY BUDDIES ARE GETTING MARRIED.

I'VE BEEN BEST MAN, LIKE, 7 TIMES.

NOW, JAMES BROWN... NOW, THAT'S A TUX.

OWW!

THAT MAN HAS STYLE. YEAH!

SUPER-WIDE LAPEL, STRIPE DOWN THE PANT LEG, PLEATED CUMMERBUND,

ALL IN A CRANBERRY CRUSHED VELVET.

SING IT.

NOT PURPLE. NO.

CRANBERRY.

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

WISH ME LUCK.

UH, ASHLEY?

OH, HEY, BERG.

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

OH, YEAH, SURE.

UH, LISTEN, I'LL GET RIGHT TO IT.

I'M TIRED OF HITTING ON YOU.

I MEAN, IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE EITHER ONE OF US

ARE REALLY GETTING MUCH OUT OF IT.

OK, BERG, WHAT'S THE CATCH?

NO, NO CATCH.

I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.

FAIR ENOUGH. WE'RE FRIENDS.

YEAH? YEAH.

EXCELLENT!

GOOD.

UM... LISTEN, I HAVE THIS OTHER GROUP OF FRIENDS,

AND, UH, WE'RE ALL GOING TO A PARTY ON SUNDAY.

NO. IT WAS A LITTLE LATE,

BUT THE CATCH FINALLY GOT HERE.

NO, NO. IT'S JUST A PARTY.

NOW, THERE'S PEOPLE IN A ROOM, YOU KNOW, NOTHING BIG.

A LITTLE WEDDING.

A WEDDING? BERG, THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO...

COME ON!

IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S OUR WEDDING.

JUST... JUST THINK OF IT AS A PARTY WITH A COUPLE OF VOWS UP FRONT.

A COUPLE OF VOWS, BERG?

IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY IN TWO PEOPLE'S LIVES.

WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ALL THIS PRESSURE ON US?

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.

Sharon: HOW'D IT GO?

WELL, IF I HAD A SEAT BELT AND AN AIR BAG,

I'D BE ALIVE TODAY.

HEY, ASHLEY.

UH-HUH.

UH, CAN I TALK TO YOU?

YEAH.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

GETTING INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE LIKE BERG WOULD TERRIFY ME, TOO.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OK, I'M FREEZING MY BUTT OFF.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT... BERG'S GREAT.

KNOCK IT OFF AND GIVE HIM A CHANCE.

SHARON, I LIKE BERG.

I JUST DON'T LIKE HIM IN THAT WAY.

OH, OK, OK.

SO THAT'S WHY YOU NEVER WALK THROUGH THIS DOOR TO "STUDY"

WITHOUT WEARING FRESH LIPSTICK.

OK, I HAVE DRY LIPS.

HA HA HA.

YEAH, YEAH, I KNEW IT HAD TO BE SOMETHING.

WHEN... WHEN A GIRL TURNS YOU DOWN FOR THE 11th TIME,

YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO TAKE THE HINT.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME.

FRIENDS ISN'T EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE GOING FOR.

NAH! BUT SHE DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

KATEY AND I, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. YEAH.

JUST FRIENDS, YOU KNOW.

HELLO.

COME ON, GUYS, SNAP OUT OF IT.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES WITH PROBLEMS.

THERE'S A VERY GOOD CHANCE I COULD SHOW UP AT THIS WEDDING

WITH A FOURTH TOP.

BERG!

TERRI!

MY GOD! THIS IS WHERE I LEFT YOU GUYS 5 YEARS AGO.

HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD, GOOD. IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

TERRI!

PETE. OHH.

HOW YOU DOING WITH ALL THIS?

I KNOW YOU AND KATEY WERE... IT'S BAD.

OHH.

OH, COME ON, PETE. JUST THINK,

SHE'S GONNA BE STUCK WITH SPUD FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

DOES ANYONE KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH WEIGHT THEY'VE GAINED?

HE'S EXACTLY THE SAME.

BERG, BUY ME A DRINK.

HANK! CAPE COD, NO FRUIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? GOOD FOR BERG.

MAYBE TERRI WILL TAKE HIS MIND OFF THAT ICE QUEEN FOR A WHILE.

OH, YOU CAN'T TOTALLY BLAME ASHLEY

FOR BEING A LITTLE WARY OF BERG.

I AM VERY IMPRESSED YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DRINK.

THAT'S NOT ALL I REMEMBER.

MMM. WE HAD SOME TIMES, BERG.

LIKE THAT TIME WE PULLED THE OLD RISKY BUSINESS ON THE SUBWAY?

YEAH.

THAT WASN'T ME.

YEAH. IT WAS.

NO. BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT TIME ON TOP OF THE PRUDENTIAL BUILDING.

OH, YEAH, IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

THAT WASN'T ME.

WHAT... WHAT... WHAT IF TERRI'S RIGHT?

WHAT IF KATEY WAS THE ONE?

WHEN DID SHE SAY THAT?

SHE DIDN'T.

BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT WE WERE GOOD TOGETHER.

YOU'RE BLOWING THIS WHOLE KATEY THING OUT OF PROPORTION.

YOU'RE JUST FREAKING OUT BECAUSE EVERYONE YOU KNOW IS MOVING ON.

RIGHT?

DOING THINGS WITH THEIR LIVES, THEIR CAREERS,

AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT.

WE MUST HAVE.

I KNOW WE WANTED TO.

THEN WHY WOULDN'T WE?

WE MUST HAVE!

HOW COULD WE FORGET?

I SAY WE SHOULD GO REFRESH OUR MEMORIES.

UH, WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE APARTMENT FOR A WHILE.

WE, UH, FORGOT SOMETHING.

SO GET THIS.

ASHLEY SWITCHES FROM THE DAY SHIFT TO THE NIGHT SHIFT

TO GET AWAY FROM ME.

THIS GIRL JUST KEEPS REJECTING YOU AND REJECTING YOU,

AND YOU KEEP GOING BACK FOR MORE?

I'M AS BAFFLED AS YOU.

AND SHE... SHE... SHE DOESN'T LAUGH AT ANY OF MY JOKES,

WON'T RETURN ANY OF MY PHONE CALLS, AND SHE HAS...

SHE HAS PROBABLY THE BEST...

MOST AMAZING SMILE I'VE EVER SEEN.

WOW, YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO TURN A GIRL ON.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

IT'S OK, IT'S OK. I JUST...

I MISS YOU, BERG.

I MISS ME, TOO.

I'M SORRY, TERRI.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN.

REALLY?

UH, YOU WANT ANYTHING?

WELL, YEAH, BUT I'LL SETTLE FOR A SODA.

IN SOME CULTURES, SODA CAN BE MORE SATISFYING THAN SEX.

OH?

AAH!

SEE?

IT'S OK. I'M OK.

UM... DO YOU HAVE A BLOW-DRYER?

UH, IN THE BATHROOM.

OK.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

STUPID. STUPID.

STUPID. ASHLEY.

HEY, BERG.

WHAT ARE YOU... HI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, I JUST, UH, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE WAY I BLEW YOU OFF BEFORE,

AND, UM...

I'M REALLY FLATTERED THAT YOU OFFERED TO TAKE ME TO THE WEDDING,

AND I WOULD LOVE TO GO WITH YOU, AS YOUR FRIEND.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

NO.

WELL, THIS IS GREAT!

ASHLEY, THAT'S OUTSTANDING.

I... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

THERE REALLY ARE EASIER WAYS TO GET A GIRL UNDRESSED.

NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO.

OH, NO. NO.

NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S OK, BECAUSE WE ARE, ALL, UM, FRIENDS HERE.

Ashley: WAIT!

OBVIOUSLY, SOME CLOSER THAN OTHERS.

UH, NO, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS, BERG, RIGHT?

FRIENDS, SO... YEAH.

I WILL SEE YOU SUNDAY.

OK.

THAT WAS ASHLEY.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE REAL TRAGEDY IS?

THE REAL, REAL TRAGEDY IS THAT TOMORROW

IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF KATEY'S LIFE

WITHOUT ME.

REALLY? I THOUGHT THAT WAS, LIKE, 4 YEARS AGO, THE DAY SHE DUMPED YOU.

OH, OH, OH. OH, I SEE.

RELATIONSHIP INSIGHT FROM ASHLEY'S FRIEND,

ASHLEY'S PAL, ASHLEY'S BUDDY.

HEY, SHE'S COMING WITH ME, ISN'T SHE?

YEAH, AS A FRIEND.

YEAH. IF THAT'S THE GAME SHE WANTS TO PLAY, I CAN PLAY ALONG.

SHE WANTS A FRIEND, I'LL BE A FRIEND.

I WILL OOZE FRIEND.

HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

JUST A SEC.

IT'S PERFECT.

YOU KNOW, W-WITH KATEY AND ME, IT WAS JUST A SCHEDULING THING.

YOU KNOW, I WAS READY FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP,

AND SHE WASN'T.

WHO WOULD THINK THAT SPUD WOULD BE THE LOVE OF HER LIFE?

HE'S NOT. HE'S NOT.

NO. SHE ALWAYS TOLD ME I WAS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE.

SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS JUST GOING TO WIND UP MARRYING

WHOEVER SHE WAS DATING WHEN SHE FELT LIKE GETTING MARRIED.

HUH. I BET SPUD WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.

LET IT GO.

YEAH.

YOU GOT ENOUGH ROOM IN THE ARMS?

I DON'T KNOW, LET ME SEE.

KATEY! KATEY, GIVE ME A HUG, YOU BUICK.

YEAH, IT'S PERFECT.

WOO! HA HA. YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.

THANKS.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? JOHNNY CALLED ME THIS MORNING.

HE ASKED TO BORROW SOME CRANBERRY SOCKS. I DON'T KNOW.

OWW! WHAT?!

YOU GUYS ARE SO CHILDISH.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE CLOTHES. IT'S ABOUT THE MAN.

AND I LOVE THE MAN. I DON'T CARE WHAT HE'S WEARING.

AH, MS. CARTER.

YOUR DRESS IS READY.

YOU'LL MAKE A BEAUTIFUL BRIDESMAID.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DRESS.

IT'S ABOUT THE PATHETIC LIAR INSIDE THE DRESS.

WELL, I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY

THAT YOU LOOK MAGNIFICENT.

THANK YOU.

SHALL I SIGN US IN?

SURE.

OK... MICHAEL BERGEN AND... PAL.

PERFECT.

OH, WOW! THIS IS GREAT.

ASH, UH, TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR ME, WILL YOU?

UH, SURE.

WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?

NOT ONLY WAS KATEY THE FIRST ONE

OF ALL THE GIRLS I DATED

WHO COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE,

SHE'S ALSO THE FIRST ONE OF ALL THE ONES

WHO COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE

THAT'S GETTING MARRIED.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

ALL I KNOW IS SHE'S THE LAST WOMAN

WHO SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO PICK OUT BRIDESMAID'S DRESSES.

I HATE THESE SHOES.

THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE PINK STRAITJACKETS.

WHEN'S JOHNNY GETTING HERE?

HE'S MEETING ME HERE. HE HAD TO WORK LATE.

WELL, HOLD ON. LET ME BLOW UP YOUR FLOATIES.

KATEY GOT THIN, AND SPUD GOT KATEY.

YOU ARE SO MEAN.

HMM. EXCUSE ME.

IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?

OHH! AAH.

LOOK AT YOU.

HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU LOOK SO... HANDSOME.

WELL... THANKS.

I LOOK UGLY.

YOU LOOK PRETTY.

NO, HONEY, COME ON.

IT MATCHES YOUR SHOES!

HI, ASHLEY.

HI.

WHOO! THERE IT IS.

PLEASE.

OK. ASHLEY?

OH, THANK YOU, BERG, I'D LOVE SOME.

YOU GOT IT, AMIGO.

THANK YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU DANCE SOME WITH ASHLEY?

SHE IS YOUR DATE.

SHE'S NOT MY DATE.

SHE'S A FRIEND.

ALL WEEK YOU'RE TELLING ME,

"PRACTICE YOUR FOX TROT, PRACTICE YOUR FOX TROT,"

AND NOW YOU WON'T DANCE WITH ME?

BECAUSE I FEEL RIDICULOUS IN THIS THING.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DRESS, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S THE GIRL IN IT THAT I'M CRAZY ABOUT.

YOU... ARE GONNA GET SO LUCKY TONIGHT.

I'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS TO THE MAN WHO'S...

STEALING MY KATEY.

THERE'S A CERTAIN FEELING A FATHER HAS

WHEN HE SEES JOY ON THE FACE OF HIS, UH, LITTLE GIRL,

AND SINCE KATEY'S MET STEVE,

I'VE NEVER SEEN HER SO...

DEVOTED, AND I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD.

TO YOU, SON.

Crowd: AWW!

PFFFT!

YOU CALL THAT A TOAST?

HMM HMM. YOU KNOW WHAT I CALL IT?

LIES.

YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE ONLY GOT MARRIED TO HIM

BECAUSE SHE FELT LIKE GETTING MARRIED.

THAT'S WHAT THEY OUGHT TO SAY.

WOULD ANYONE ELSE LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS?

YEAH, OVER HERE.

AHEM... HI, UM... KATEY, UM...

YOU KNOW, AS... AS YOU ALL KNOW, KATEY AND I,

WE GO WAY, WAY BACK.

YOU KNOW, WE WERE VERY, VERY CLOSE, YOU KNOW, AND, UH...

UH, SHE, UH, SHE TOLD ME SOMETHING

THAT WAS VERY, VERY INTERESTING, YOU KNOW?

AND SPUD, I SEE YA,

AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER WITH ALL THAT LOVE IN YOUR EYES...

EVEN THOUGH SHE'S CHOMPING AWAY ON THAT GUM,

GOD, I USED TO HATE THAT!

AND THEN I'D SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT,

WE'D GET INTO THIS HUGE FIGHT.

WE FOUGHT A LOT, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, I-I'M PRETTY HAPPY NOW. I'M PRETTY HAPPY.

YEAH, I... I... I WENT THROUGH THIS... THIS THING

WITH SCHOOL AND MY CAREER.

MELISSA BROKE UP WITH ME, YOU KNOW.

NO, NO, NO, NO, I'M OK. I'M OK. I JUST...

I SEE, YOU KNOW, I SEE OTHER WOMEN. I DO.

CAN WE SHOOT HIM NOW?

SHH. LET HIM GO.

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE'S THIS GIRL AT THE BANK.

I'M PRETTY SURE SHE LIKES ME.

I THINK I'M GOING TO ASK HER OUT.

NO, I AM GOING TO ASK HER OUT.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST GREAT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, EVERYBODY.

YOU KNOW, PETE DUNVILLE, HE'S GONNA BE OK.

YOU KNOW, SO... SO... SO, KATEY,

SPUDY... BE HEALTHY, BE HAPPY, BE MARRIED.

LISTEN TO THAT.

YOU GOT OOHs AND AHHs.

I'M THE WIZARD OF AHHs.

SEE THAT GIRL OUT THERE IN THE WHITE DRESS AND THE 12-FOOT HEAD THING?

YOU MEAN THE BRIDE?

YEAH, HER.

THAT COULD BE ME DANCING WITH HER.

YEAH, I KNOW. I HEARD YOUR TOAST.

YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA ADMIT,

IT FEELS PRETTY STUPID WATCHING SOMEONE DANCE WITH THE PERSON

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING WITH.

THAT WAS SUBTLE.

WASN'T MEANT TO BE.

THANKS, PETE.

HEY, PAL.

HEY.

WANT TO DANCE?

FINALLY!

YOU'RE ONLY GIVING ME ONE DANCE, RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH.

TANGO!

NOT BAD.

I KNOW.

IT BOTHERED YOU TO SEE ME

WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, DIDN'T IT?

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

IS IT?

AND... OOH.

IT BOTHERS YOU THAT IT BOTHERS YOU, DOESN'T IT?

ABSURD.

REALLY?

TELL ME SOMETHING, ASHLEY.

WHY ELSE WOULD YOU BE DANCING WITH ME?

OH, JUST ADMIT IT.

OK, LISTEN, BERG, YOU TRIED TO PLAY

YOUR CHILDISH LITTLE GAMES ON ME, AND IT DIDN'T WORK,

AND I JUST DON'T NEED THIS ANYMORE.

OH, YOU DON'T NEED THIS ANYMORE.

OH, MY GOD, I...

I'VE BEEN TAKING IT ON THE CHIN FROM YOU FOR THE LAST 3 MONTHS.

AND I FIGURED SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? THANK YOU.

CONGRATULATIONS, ASHLEY,

ON MAKING ME FEEL THIS BIG.

SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR ICE QUEEN, GAME-PLAYING,

MIXED MESSAGE CRAP

AND DUMP IT ON SOMEONE ELSE,

BECAUSE I AM DONE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT... PAL?

YOU...

KIDDING.

LOOK, I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?

OH, NO, NO, BERG.

I'M SORRY. YOU WERE RIGHT.

I'M RIGHT ABOUT WHAT?

I DO HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU.

YOU DO?

HAPPY?

WELL, YES, I MEAN, I AM...

I'M HAPPY, I'M STUNNED, I'M A WALKING FESTIVAL.

IT'S NOT... IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

THE PROBLEM IS I HAVE...

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU HAVE WHAT?

YOU HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH?

A RASH?

NO, BERG... I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

WELL, WE MET IN UNDERGRAD, AND...

NOW HE'S AT SCHOOL IN OXFORD.

AND JUST WHEN THE HELL WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS?

WHEN IT MATTERED.

SO YOU'RE SAYING IT MATTERS?

YEAH, BERG... I'M SAYING IT MATTERS.

♪ STARTING ♪

♪ TODAY ♪

♪ I SIMPLY ♪

♪ HAVE NO CHOICE ♪

♪ AND SING WITH ONE VOICE ♪

SPRINKLER.

SHOPPING CART.

LAWN MOWER.

AND PULL.

DO THE HUSTLE.

NOBODY KNOWS THE HUSTLE.

CHARLIE'S ANGELS.

Man: IN FRONT.