Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...

IS THAT COMMON? YOU GUYS JUST SHARE CHICKS AND SHIT?

WE DON'T SHARE. I DON'T DATE CARMEN ANYMORE.

HEY, JENNY.

HEY... HUNTER.

YOU READY? YES.

THAT'S WHAT I CALL

GOOD FILMMAKING.

I'VE NEVER SEEN A GIRL

HAVE THAT KIND OF EFFECT ON OTHER GIRLS.

SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S WORKING ON YOU, TOO.

I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

I THINK WE'LL BOTH BE GLAD THAT WE REALIZED IT IN TIME

BEFORE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE LIKE GETTING MARRIED.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD CHILDREN.

THIS IS WILSON AND THIS IS JUN YING.

I WANT TO HAVE A PLACE IN THIS BABY'S LIFE.

THIS IS OUR BABY, TINA.

WE SEARCHED FOR A DONOR TOGETHER.

IN FACT, I FOUND THE DONOR.

LOOK, I JUST NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT.

GIVE TINA THE FLOWERS

AND SAY, "YOU HOLD ALL THE CARDS."

NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS, SAY, "YOU HOLD ALL THE CARDS."

JUST TELL ME, WHAT APPEALS TO YOU?

I DON'T KNOW, HENRI.

IT'S NEVER BEEN ONE OF MY ABIDING FANTASIES.

WHY DON'T YOU MAKE THE DECISION?

WELL, DO YOU LIKE SLEEK?

HMM, BROWN AND WIRY?

TALL?

TALL'S GOOD.

SHORT?

ZAFTIG?

WHAT ABOUT HER?

SHE LOOKS LIKE

SHE COULD BE WILD AND CRAZY.

SHE'S NOT A SHE, MADELAINE.

OKAY, NOW, THIS IS JUST WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT?

SHE LOOKS SWEET.

A LITTLE GAMINE,

BUT YOU CAN SEE SHE'S NASTY.

THIS GIRL HAS TRICKS UP HER SLEEVE.

WE HAVE TO DO IT.

BUT WE DID IT ALL NIGHT LONG.

WE JUST WENT TO SLEEP THREE HOURS AGO, ALICE.

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK YOU'RE A SEX MANIAC.

NOT THAT.

SOUNDS GREAT, THOUGH.

WE HAVE TO TELL OUR FRIENDS.

OH, GOD.

I KNOW.

THEY'RE GOING TO FREAK.

IT'S A LESBIAN CURSE, YOU KNOW.

WHENEVER TWO PEOPLE IN A GROUP OF FRIENDS

BECOME GIRLFRIENDS,

IT THROWS OFF THE WHOLE BALANCE.

BUT THEY SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR US.

I KNOW.

IT'S JUST...

I DON'T KNOW, IT MESSES THINGS UP.

IT'S LIKE, ONE MINUTE

WE'RE EACH THEIR FRIENDS INDIVIDUALLY,

AND THE NEXT MINUTE IT'S LIKE, "OKAY, WELL,

"IF I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ALICE,

DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO INVITE DANA, TOO?"

THANKS, AL.

I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

MM-HMM.

OKAY.

THANKS.

FUCK.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

HOW ARE YOU?

ARE YOU OKAY?

AGHH? AGHH.

SIT DOWN.

SUN.

YEAH, IT IS NICE.

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE IT IS ABOUT SHANE THAT...

PERIOD, QUESTION MARK...

YOU KNOW?

UM, I THINK IT'S...

I DON'T KNOW, ABOUT THE UNATTAINABLE.

RIGHT?

BECAUSE I THINK THAT MOST PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE.

I MEAN, DO YOU THINK THAT IT'S...

SHE'S FANTASTIC IN BED?

NO... I HAVE NO IDEA.

THAT'S SUCH AN OVER-SIMPLIFICATION OF THINGS.

NO. I HAVE NO IDEA.

WELL, AREN'T YOU AT ALL CURIOUS?

NO.

SHANE IS MY GOOD FRIEND.

SO...

WHAT?

WHAT ABOUT CARMEN?

OH, CARMEN.

HAS SHE EVER MENTIONED ANYTHING

ABOUT WHAT SHANE WAS LIKE TO...

OH, MY GOD.

STOP.

MARK, YOU'RE WEIRD.

YOU'RE WEIRD. YOU'RE WEIRDER THAN ME.

YOU'RE... OKAY.

STOP IT.

MM, THIS IS A NICE WAY TO WAKE UP.

MUMMY!

MUMMY, WAKE UP.

MORNING, BABIES.

HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT.

I PROMISE YOU,

THEY HAVE A VERY HEALTHY ATTITUDE TOWARDS...

IT'S NOT ALL RIGHT.

THEY SHOULDN'T BE SEEING THIS.

BABIES, WHY DON'T YOU GO AND WAKE UP NU NU

AND GET HER TO TAKE YOU DOWN TO THE RESTAURANT

FOR CROISSANTS AND CHOCOLAT CHAUD, HMM?

I WANT TO EXAMINE TINA'S TUMMY AGAIN.

NOT RIGHT NOW, WILSON. MAYBE LATER.

DARLING, DO AS MUMMY SAYS. GO ON.

I WANT TO LISTEN IF THE BABY'S HEART'S BEATING.

LATER ON YOU CAN LISTEN TO TINA'S BABY'S HEARTBEAT,

AND IF YOU'RE A GOOD BOY,

I HAVE A SUPER SPECIAL TREAT

IN STORE FOR YOU.

CAN YOU CLOSE THE DOOR ON THE WAY OUT?

THAT FREAKED ME OUT.

CHILDREN ARE SEXUAL CREATURES.

THIS IS TOTALLY NATURAL FOR THEM.

IT'S NOT NATURAL FOR THEM

TO SEE THEIR MOTHER FUCKING SOMEONE

THEY BARELY KNOW.

YOU'RE NOT A PARENT YET.

I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A WHILE...

AND IF YOU'RE GOOD,

I'LL LET YOU KNOW

WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR US THIS WEEKEND.

I HAVE TO WORK THIS WEEKEND.

I'M DOING A YOUTH ARTS OUTREACH PROGRAM

FOR K THROUGH 6 AT VENICE BEACH. I...

PAT AND HILMA CAN HANDLE IT.

WE'RE GOING TO SAN DIEGO, YOU AND ME.

WE'RE TAKING MY CHILDREN TO SEA WORLD.

I CAN'T, HELENA.

YES, YOU CAN.

I SPOKE TO THEM.

THEY'RE COMPLETELY CAPABLE

OF RUNNING THAT WORKSHOP ON THEIR OWN.

YOU SPOKE TO PAT AND HILMA?

MM-HMM.

HMM?

MM?

MIND IF I COME IN FOR A MINUTE?

I JUST WANTED TO SAY WELCOME.

I'M BETTE PORTER.

WE'VE MET.

BARBARA GLADSTONE'S DINNER FOR MATTHEW BARNEY.

OKAY, NEVER MIND.

LEO HERRERA.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

WELL, YOU SEEM TO BE

MAKING YOURSELF AT HOME.

COME, SIT DOWN FOR A MINUTE, CAN YOU?

WELL, ACTUALLY I HAVE...

OH, JUST FOR A MINUTE.

THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO GET OUT OF THE WAY.

I JUST WANT TO REASSURE YOU

THAT I AM TOTALLY RESPECTFUL

OF YOUR POSITION AT CAC.

ACTUALLY, I'M IN AWE

OF THE WORK YOU'VE DONE HERE.

THAT'S NICE, THANK YOU.

I KNOW THIS COULD BE AWKWARD,

BUT DON'T THINK IT HAS TO BE.

WELL, THERE'S NO REASON IT SHOULD BE.

I HAVE TWO YEARS LEFT ON MY CONTRACT.

THEY WOULD BE SILLY TO LET ME GO.

I'M HERE TO RAISE MONEY, BETTE,

NOT TO TAKE YOUR JOB.

WE SHOULD WORK TOGETHER.

I CAN HELP SECURE THE AARON NOBLE SHOW

AND THE JULIA SCHER.

I MEAN, THOSE ARE CHALLENGING PROJECTS

TO FUND.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN MANAGING VERY WELL ON MY OWN, LEO,

APART FROM HELENA PEABODY,

WHICH I REALLY DON'T THINK

WAS THROUGH ANY FAILURE ON MY PART, SO...

HELENA CAN BE AN IMPORTANT FRIEND

TO THIS MUSEUM.

WE NEED TO CULTIVATE THAT RELATIONSHIP.

WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN CULTIVATING IT ALREADY.

I MET YOUR EX THE OTHER NIGHT WITH HELENA.

GOD, THEY'RE SO EXCITED ABOUT THE BABY.

HI. IT'S BETTE.

AND I WOULD REALLY LOVE IT

IF YOU COULD RETURN SOME OF MY PHONE CALLS.

LISTEN, I KNOW THAT, UH...

YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW,

BUT I...

I NEED TO HAVE SOME KIND OF RESOLUTION

BEFORE THE BABY IS BORN, OKAY?

SO, UM...

PLEASE CALL ME.

BYE.

OH, HEY...

PLEASE SHUT THE DOOR.

UM...

IT'S MOSTLY TRAVEL MEMOS AND SHIPPING RECEIPTS.

THERE WAS A BREAKDOWN OF THE COSTS

FOR THE AARON NOBLE,

BUT MR. HERRERA'S REVIEWING THAT.

WELL, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

I WANT EVERYTHING TO COME TO ME FIRST.

SURE, OKAY, UM... AND ALICE CALLED.

SHE WAS WONDERING

IF YOU CAN MEET HER AT THE PLANET TONIGHT.

I'M ALREADY GOING. WHY?

WELL, SHE DIDN'T SAY,

JUST IT WAS SOME KIND OF EMERGENCY MEETING.

OH, AND THE, UH, THE CATALOG FROM THE SCULPTURE

FROM MICHAEL KOHN GALLERY,

LEIGH OSTIN?

WOULD YOU CALL MICHAEL KOHN AND GET ME A STUDIO VISIT TODAY?

YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

THANKS.

HMM.

FUCKING FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.

HE GAVE ME HIS FUCKING USELESS WORD.

THE AIR HOSTESS IS PRODUCING IT?

JESUS.

MARTY JUST DROPPED OUT OF THE PROJECT.

LET ME GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE.

NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, RICHARD.

IF YOU WANT TO KEEP MARTY AS A CLIENT,

YOU WILL PULL HIM OFF THIS DEAL NOW,

BECAUSE A YEAR FROM NOW,

HE IS GOING TO FIRE YOUR SORRY ASS

FOR BLOWING OFF VERONICA BLOOM

IN FAVOR OF THE AIR HOSTESS

WHO'S SUCKING HIS COCK!

THAT'S HIS WIFE.

THE PROJECT'S GOING TO FALL APART WITHOUT MARTY.

SHE'S TAKING IT ESPECIALLY HARD

BECAUSE THEY USED TO BE MARRIED.

YOU KNOW?

VERONICA CALLS HIS NEW WIFE

THE AIR HOSTESS.

NO, RICHARD, YOU AND YOUR CLIENT

BETTER GET A FUCKING GRIP!

UH...

HE'S APPARENTLY LOOKING TO DO A PERIOD DRAMA, AND...

YOU WANT ME TO GO FROM MARTY

TO M. NIGHT FUCKING SHYAMALAN?

WHERE WERE YOU EDUCATED?

DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN WAR AND PEACE

AND A MARVEL FUCKING COMIC BOOK?

GET OUT!

UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY,

GET OUT!

YOU'RE ALL FUCKING USELESS!

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

NOT YOU.

YOU STAY.

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?

WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN?

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU'VE DONE FOR THEM?

DON'T YOU FIND THAT TO BE TRUE?

THAT'S WHY I TRY NOT TO NEED ANYTHING FROM ANYONE.

I WANT YOU TO TEACH ME HOW TO DO THAT.

COME ON.

SIT DOWN.

LET'S GO OUT.

LET'S GO MAKE OURSELVES FEEL BETTER.

LUMINOUS...

UH-HUH?

OH...

HELLO. I'M LOOKING FOR THE FABULOUS VENUS DE MYLAR.

YEAH, SO?

I WAS TOLD SHE LIVED HERE.

I'M HER, GIRLIE.

THAT BETTER?

SO, WHAT'S YOUR NAME, LITTLE GIRL?

DEE DEE.

DEE DEE STEINBERG.

VICTOR BERNSTEIN.

IT WOULDN'T FLY IN PEORIA.

COME ON, HAVE A SEAT.

SO...

I TAKE IT YOU WANT TO JOIN THE CIRCUS.

YEAH. HOW DID YOU KNOW?

VENUS CAN SENSE THESE THINGS, GIRLIE.

SO, WHAT'S YOUR STORY?

I DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE ELSE.

EVERYBODY IN MY FAMILY THINKS I'M A FREAK, BECAUSE...

YEAH, YEAH,

BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY TALENT?

ANY SPECIAL CIRCUS SKILLS?

HOLY BEJEEZUS, THAT IS SPECIAL,

BUT IT'LL NEVER FLY IN PEORIA.

"THAT IS SPECIAL,

BUT IT'LL NEVER FLY IN PEORIA."

WELL, WELL.

WHO'D LIKE TO START?

I THOUGHT IT WAS EXTRAORDINARY.

IT WAS REALLY EXTRAORDINARY.

IT CALLS TO MIND RICK MOODY.

HAVE YOU EVER READ DEMONOLOGY?

NO, I'M SORRY.

UM, WHAT ABOUT JENNY'S STORY "LUMINOUS"

EVOKED RICK MOODY FOR YOU?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, THERE'S THAT STORY

CALLED "THE CARNIVAL TRADITION."

UH, BUT IT'S FAIRLY OBVIOUS, I KNOW, BUT IT'S MORE...

THAT'S VERY GOOD.

SO IT WASN'T THE CARNIVAL ALLUSION

THAT REMINDED YOU OF MOODY.

ISN'T IT MORE THAT MOODY AND JENNY

BOTH WRITE ABOUT AND REVEAL

THE GROTESQUE THAT'S HIDDEN UNDERNEATH THE MUNDANE?

ABSOLUTELY.

I FEEL LIKE JENNY IS TO THE MIDWEST

AS CARSON MCCULLERS IS TO THE SOUTH.

IT'S, UH, IT'S GOTHIC.

IT'S GROTESQUE,

AND YET ALWAYS DELIVERED

WITH SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOR.

OH, THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.

IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THAT A WRITER IN THE BLOOM OF YOUTH

GETS COMPARED TO CARSON MCCULLERS.

IT'S VERY GENEROUS, DON'T YOU THINK, JENNY?

YES, I DO.

THANK YOU, HUNTER.

CHARLOTTE, DO YOU HAVE

ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS FOR ME?

IF I WERE YOU,

I'D LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.

I THINK HUNTER HAS ACQUITTED YOU ADMIRABLY.

THANK YOU, CHARLOTTE.

SO WHY SHOULDN'T I BECOME A LESBIAN?

UH...

BECAUSE WOMEN ARE INTENSE.

THEY'RE A LOT OF WORK.

THEY CAN SUCK YOU DRY.

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TRY THIS, SHANE?

THE RESULTS ARE AMAZING.

THANKS.

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME

IS THAT I LIKE INTENSITY.

WHEN THINGS AREN'T INTENSE, I GET BORED...

AND WHEN I AM BORED,

I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!

WELL, WATCH OUT.

MOTHERFUCKER!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU HAVE POTENTIAL.

YOU STICK WITH ME, KID.

I'M GOING TO HELP YOU REALIZE IT.

OH, FUCK...

OH, YEAH!

EXQUISITE.

THEY MUST TAKE FOREVER TO ASSEMBLE.

I WORK ON EACH PIECE FOR ALMOST A YEAR.

USUALLY I'M WORKING ON TWO OR THREE PIECES

AT A TIME,

BUT AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, I'M NOT EXACTLY PROLIFIC.

WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN THIS WORK BEFORE?

MICHAEL'S BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU IN HERE FOR AGES.

WELL, I'M GLAD I FINALLY CAME TO MY SENSES.

ME TOO.

THIS WORK I DON'T NORMALLY SHOW.

THESE ARE ALL STRAIGHT-UP COPIES

OF CLASSIC RENAISSANCE PAINTINGS.

OH...

I'M USUALLY WORKING ON TWO AT A TIME.

I DON'T THINK ANYBODY DOES THIS ANYMORE.

IT'S THRILLING, ISN'T IT?

LEIGH, DO YOU KNOW MY SISTER'S CLUB,

THE PLANET?

IT USED TO BE A CAFE?

YEAH, IT STILL IS DURING THE DAY,

BUT KIT'S HIRING A CHEF,

AND SHE'S LOOKING TO BRING IN MUSICIANS

A COUPLE NIGHTS A WEEK.

SHARON ISBIN IS PERFORMING THERE TONIGHT.

I SAW HER PLAY WITH THE NEW YORK PHIL

LAST JUNE AT AVERY FISHER HALL.

LOOK, THE CD ACTUALLY JUST CAME OUT.

HERE.

WELL, THIS WILL BE A BIT MORE INTIMATE.

DO YOU WANT TO JOIN ME?

ACTUALLY, IT'S, UM, VALERIE

WHO'S THE CLASSICAL MUSIC AFICIONADO.

WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF SHE CAME, TOO?

HI.

HI.

HEY, SWEETIE.

UM, YEAH, SURE.

I DID JENNY, SHANE, AND CARMEN.

OH, CARMEN'S ALREADY GOING TO BE WORKING THERE,

BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE

IF I CALLED HER AND OFFICIALLY ASKED HER.

RIGHT, AND I DID BETTE AND TINA.

I MEAN, TINA WANTED TO INVITE HELENA,

AND I WAS LIKE, "TINA,

THAT'S NOT COOL TO BETTE."

AW...

YOU'RE SO SMART, AND SO THOUGHTFUL.

NAH,

BUT YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY

WHAT IT WAS ABOUT, DID YOU?

NO.

OKAY,

BUT IT'S, YOU KNOW...

I JUST, I THINK IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

THAT WE TELL EVERYONE AT THE SAME TIME.

BECAUSE SOMEONE'S GOING TO FEEL LESS IMPORTANT

THAN SOMEBODY ELSE.

BUT SHANE ALREADY KNOWS.

YEAH, BUT SHANE DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY.

SHE'S, LIKE, THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH

WHO CAN ACTUALLY KEEP A SECRET.

YOU GUYS, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL, SUNNY AFTERNOON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING INSIDE WATCHING TELEVISION?

WE'RE WATCHING CARTOONS!

WELL, I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING

THAT IS GOING TO BE MUCH MORE FUN

THAN SITTING INSIDE AND GETTING CROSS-EYED.

TINA, TINA, POPSICLE STICKS!

WILL YOU BUILD A FORT WITH ME?

YES.

WILSON...

NU NU WILL BUILD A FORT WITH YOU, DARLING.

TINA HAS TO COME AND SPEND A LITTLE TIME WITH MAMA.

HELENA...

WHAT?

YOUR CHILDREN ARE JUST INSIDE.

BUT THEY'RE COMPLETELY ENGAGED

IN BRILLIANTLY WHOLESOME ART-MAKING ACTIVITIES.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH...

MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY!

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE COMING!

HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

I FLEW.

LOOK WHAT TINA BROUGHT US!

WILL YOU BUILD A FORT WITH ME?

YES, I WILL SWEETHEART, VERY SOON,

BUT FIRST, WHERE'S MUMMY?

TINA, MEET MY EX.

WINNIE MANN.

THIS IS MY SISTER, KIT.

KIT, THIS IS LEIGH, AND THIS IS VALERIE.

HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.

HI. WHAT A COUP TO HAVE SHARON ISBIN.

OH, YEAH, MY FRIEND BENJAMIN HOOKED IT UP.

HE THOUGHT SHE'D BE PERFECT

FOR THE KIND OF MUSIC WE DO IN HERE,

AND...

YOU SHOULD SEE THE FLOWERS HE SENT ME.

MM-HMM.

YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY ABOVE THE LAW, HELENA.

I KNOW YOU THINK YOU ARE.

DON'T BE ABSURD, WINNIE.

I HAVEN'T BROKEN ANY LAWS.

THEY WERE DUE BACK WITH ME

THIS MORNING AT 8:00 A.M.

SO I HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL PLANNED FOR THEM THIS WEEKEND.

I DON'T SEE WHY THEY SHOULD MISS OUT

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGID AND SMALL-MINDED,

AND YOU DON'T...

I'M SORRY, I'LL BE OUT OF HERE IN A MINUTE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE.

OH, YES, YOU DO.

TINA, YOU KNOW

THAT I HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL PLANNED

WITH THE CHILDREN THIS WEEKEND AT SAN DIEGO.

THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND HELENA.

YOU'D BE WELL ADVISED

NOT TO GET INVOLVED.

I NEED YOU AS A WITNESS.

THEIR OTHER MOTHER

IS PREPARING TO DEPRIVE THEM

OF THAT ENRICHING EXPERIENCE

OUT OF PURE PETTY SELFISH PIQUE.

SHE VIOLATED A COURT ORDER!

TINA, I NEED YOU HERE!

I REALLY HAVE TO GO.

I REMEMBER, ALICE IS HAVING THIS GATHERING AT THE PLANET.

I SHOULD GO.

DON'T BE INTIMIDATED BY HER.

NO, DO,

BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO MY CHILDREN,

EVEN HELENA PEABODY CAN'T MAKE ME ROLL OVER

AND PLAY DEAD.

I WILL NOT BEG FOR SCRAPS,

AND ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD

IS NOT GOING TO KEEP ME IN MY PLACE.

I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW, OKAY?

YOU'RE A LYING SCUMBAG,

AND I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED AGAIN

SO I CAN COLLECT ALIMONY

TILL THE DAY YOU FUCKING DIE!

YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT,

DON'T YOU COME CRAWLING BACK TO ME

THE NEXT TIME YOU NEED SOMETHING PRODUCED

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL YOU TO SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!

FUCK YOU, MARTY!

FUCK YOU!

THAT'S YOUR SISTER?

THE ONE WHO JUST BROKE UP WITH HER PARTNER?

SO?

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

INTRODUCE ME TO HER IN...

SIX MONTHS.

YOU'RE A SMART WOMAN.

BETTE?

ALYSON PALMER FROM BETTY.

WE PERFORMED HERE A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, I SAW THE SHOW.

YOU GUYS WERE GREAT.

OH...

THIS IS SO NOT A FEMINIST THING TO SAY,

BUT THERE IS A GROUP OF WOMEN OVER AT THE BAR

WHO HAVE YOU MEAT-TAGGED LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS.

I'M SORRY?

MEAT-TAGGED.

IT MEANS THAT THEY'VE MARKED YOU

AS A HOT ITEM.

THOSE GIRLS ARE LINING UP

AROUND THE BLOCK TO GET ON YOUR DANCE CARD.

GREAT. MY NEIGHBORS WILL LOVE THAT.

FYI.

MEAT-TAGGED...

BETTE!

HI. MERYL ROTHMAN.

HI.

HI. WE MET WHEN I WAS AN EXECUTIVE AT DISNEY.

RIGHT.

MM-HMM.

RIGHT.

I'M A THERAPIST NOW, IN PRIVATE PRACTICE,

BUT I WOULD RATHER DATE YOU THAN ANALYZE YOU.

CALL ME.

LADIES.

YOU'VE BEEN MEAT-TAGGED.

WELL, THAT WOULD SEEM TO BE MY NEW IDENTITY.

OH. YEAH...

THAT SON OF A BITCH MARTY RUINING MY MOVIE...

OHH...

NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE HIM.

FUCK...

HERE YOU GO.

YEAH.

THESE SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER

IN A LITTLE WHILE.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE ONE?

NO, I'M NOT... INTO XANAX,

BUT YOU HAD SOME OXY IN THERE.

WOULD YOU MIND?

GO AHEAD. TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT.

REALLY?

TAKE THE WHOLE BOTTLE. I CAN GET MORE.

ALL RIGHT.

WHEN YOU COME BACK,

GET INTO BED WITH ME.

WE'LL GET FUCKED UP AND WATCH FUNNY GIRL.

BARBARA STREISAND MOVIES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY TONIC

WHEN I FEEL LIKE SHIT.

LOOK, UM, THANKS,

BUT I THINK I'M GOING TO GO.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YES, I AM.

MY FRIENDS NEED ME TONIGHT...

NO, THEY DON'T.

YES, THEY DO.

BUT LOOK, I CAN STAY HERE UNTIL...

I'M FUCKING PAYING YOU.

YOU WILL STAY HERE UNTIL I TELL YOU YOU CAN GO.

FUCK THAT.

YOU WILL DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO!

YOU WILL FUCKING WATCH A MOVIE WITH ME

IF I TELL YOU TO!

YOU'LL TICKLE MY BACK

IF I TELL YOU TO TICKLE MY BACK.

YOU'LL FUCK ME IF I TELL YOU TO FUCK ME!

COME BACK HERE!

YOU KNOW SHARON ISBIN?

SHE THINKS YOU'RE ALL THAT.

THEN HOW COME

SHE DIDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME?

WELL, SHE SAID

SHE HEARD SOME OF THE GIRLS SAY

THAT YOU WERE... WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

MEAT-TAGGED?

YEAH. WELL, WHAT IS THAT?

HI, UM,

MY FRIEND OVER THERE WANTS TO KNOW

IF YOU'RE READY TO START DATING.

SHE SAYS SHE COULD BE YOUR REBOUND GIRLFRIEND.

HEY, THAT'S NOT A BAD OFFER.

DOES IT HAVE AN EXPIRY DATE?

BECAUSE I THINK I REALLY MIGHT NEED

TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I'LL GO ASK HER.

YOU'RE BEING PIMPED.

OKAY...

WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD SAY?

I DON'T KNOW.

THAT...

I DON'T KNOW, THAT NOTHING MUCH HAS CHANGED, YOU KNOW?

THAT WE'RE STILL HANGING OUT EVERY DAY AND NIGHT.

IT'S JUST THAT NOW

WE'RE HAVING INCREDIBLE, MIND-BLOWING,

EARTH-SHATTERING SEX.

YEAH...

WHAT TIME IS IT?

WE'RE EARLY.

YEAH.

MM-HMM.

COME HERE.

OH...

OH, GOD!

SHIT. OKAY.

OH, GOD...

OH, FUCK.

MM-MM. NO.

THESE GUYS?

AND THEY'RE FUCKING AMAZING.

THEY'RE FUCKING AMAZING?

YES.

THEY ARE FUCKING AMAZING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK'S FUCKING AMAZING?

NO.

WATCHING ALL THOSE PEOPLE

ON THE DANCE FLOOR,

AND THEN YOU CAN FEEL THEM

GETTING REALLY, REALLY HOT.

MM, I LIKE THAT, TOO.

THEY SWEAT.

YEAH, THEY GET HOT AND SWEATY,

AND I LOVE IT,

BECAUSE YOU CAN JUST FEEL THE CROWD, AND...

AND YOU JUST FEEL THEIR ENERGY.

HEY...

HI, MAMA.

GO ON OVER THERE.

SHE'S GETTING RID OF THEM.

WHAT DO THEY WANT?

FILET MIGNON, HONEY.

HI.

HI.

SORRY I DIDN'T CALL YOU BACK.

CAN WE TALK AFTER THIS WEEKEND?

OKAY.

CD PLAYER 2,

WHICH CORRESPONDS WITH THIS SLIDING BUTTON.

CHANNEL 2.

SHOULD WE DO IT?

YOU WANT TO? I DO.

OKAY.

WHOA! HI. HEY.

SHANE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

LOOK, UM, I'VE GOT TO GO,

BUT EVERYONE'S INSIDE, SO GO FOR IT.

GO FOR IT.

READY?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE!

IF I CAN HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.

THERE IS A HAPPY NEW COUPLE IN THE HOUSE.

GIVE IT UP FOR ALICE AND DANA!

THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.

OH, THEY'RE SO CUTE TOGETHER.

THANKS, CARMEN.

OH, CONGRATULATIONS.

THEY'RE GORGEOUS TOGETHER.

HI.

WHAT ABOUT BEER? DO YOU HAVE ANY BEER?

NO.

MAYBE WE SHOULD GET SOME PIZZA.

NO. FUCK THE FOOD.

NO WAY.

HOW'S THIS?

YEAH.

OKAY.

COME ON.

WHAT WAS THAT?

I DON'T REALLY THINK I WANT TO KNOW.

MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT.

LET'S JUST TAKE A BREATHER, AND...

THEN WE CAN VISIT IT AGAIN

IN THE COOL CLEAR LIGHT OF DAY.

I UNDERSTAND.

COME ON. PLAY WITH US.

COME ON.

COME ON. PLAY WITH US, SHAWN.

IT'S SHANE.

SHANE, COME HERE.

NO.

LET'S TAKE THEM OUT ONTO THE BEACH

TO COLLECT SEASHELLS, OR BEACH GLASS,

OR ANYTHING THAT THEY FEEL INSPIRES THEM,

AND THEN AFTER THAT,

WE'LL BREAK UP INTO INDIVIDUAL GROUPS,

AND THEN WE'LL START TO WORKSHOP.

TINA...

EXCUSE ME.

COME IN.

HEY...

WOULD YOU SAY THAT THIS IS THE...

COOL, CLEAR LIGHT OF DAY?

DO YOU WANT TO COME IN?

UM...

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT.

MM-HMM.

I DON'T KNOW WHY... I LEFT LAST NIGHT.

I REALLY WISH I HADN'T.

I THINK BECAUSE YOU LIKE SHANE.

I'M NOT SOMEONE WHO FALLS FOR...

FUCKED-UP UNAVAILABLE PEOPLE.

I DON'T THINK THAT WE REALLY HAVE A CHOICE

IN THE PEOPLE THAT WE FALL FOR, CARMEN.

HERE.

HI.

HEY. HOW ARE YOU?

I'M SURPRISED TO SEE YOU.

WHY WOULD YOU BE SURPRISED?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE MAD AT ME

FOR WALKING OUT ON YOU LAST NIGHT.

I JUST THOUGHT

IT WAS BETWEEN YOU AND WINNIE.

YEAH, WELL, I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT.

BUT THEN AGAIN, YOU KNOW,

I'M NOT SORRY,

BECAUSE AT LEAST NOW

YOU GET TO SEE JUST HOW COMPLETELY MAD SHE IS.

WELL, SHE WAS ANGRY,

BUT SHE WASN'T COMPLETELY WITHOUT REASON.

I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE

KEPT THEM BEYOND MY CURFEW.

I JUST GET SO CARRIED AWAY, YOU KNOW.

I WANT TO GIVE THEM

SOMETHING WONDERFUL

TO TAKE BACK TO NEW YORK,

SOMETHING THAT THEY CAN THINK ABOUT

WHEN THEY GET SAD

KNOWING THEIR MOMMIES ARE SPLITTING UP.

TINA, WHEN THEY'RE IN NEW YORK,

THEY SLEEP ON A MATTRESS ON THE FLOOR,

AND THEY EAT FOOD THAT COMES OUT OF A CAN.

OKAY...

OKAY, WELL, YOU SHOULD JUST TALK TO HER.

I'VE OFFERED.

YOU KNOW?

WINNIE WON'T TAKE ANYTHING FROM ME

TILL WE'VE GONE THROUGH THE WHOLE BARRAGE OF LAWYERS

AND CUSTODY HEARINGS.

SHE'S TRYING TO CUT ME OFF FROM THEM.

COMPLETELY?

I MEAN, I STAND A CHANCE WITH JUN YING,

BUT SHE'S WILSON'S BIRTH MOTHER, SO...

YOU CAN'T SEPARATE THEM.

THEY'RE TOO CLOSE.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT.

YOU KNOW...

WINNIE AND I HAVE ALWAYS SAID

THAT EVEN THOUGH SHE GAVE BIRTH TO WILSON,

WE BOTH EQUALLY CONCEIVED OF HIM.

FOR YEARS WE TALKED ABOUT IT,

WE PLANNED IT.

I HELPED DREAM THIS FAMILY INTO EXISTENCE.

WELL, I HOPE YOU AND WINNIE WORK IT OUT.

WE WILL.

DO YOU WANT TO COME HELP?

YEAH.

OKAY.

YOU KNOW, I DID HAVE SOME OTHER PLANS.

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, I'M SO LATE FOR SCHOOL.

FUCK.

HELLO!

YEAH, HANG ON A SEC.

SHANE!

IT'S FOR YOU!

IT'S VERONICA BLOOM!

TELL HER SHE CAN KISS MY ASS.

UM...

SHE'S NOT AROUND RIGHT NOW!

CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?

OKAY!

BYE.

SHANE.

SHE WOULD LIKE YOU TO PLEASE CALL HER BACK!

GOODBYE!

SHE CAN KISS...

YOUR ASS.

YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?

YOU'VE BEEN GETTING AWAY WITH THIS SHIT

FOR FAR TOO LONG.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT THAT POOR ASS-KISSING WOMAN

DID TO PISS YOU OFF.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU GUYS

WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET ONE DAY,

AND SHE SMILED AT YOU TOO SWEETLY BY ACCIDENT.

OKAY, BUT MAYBE SHE BOUGHT YOU A GIFT

TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT YOU'RE KIND OF SPECIAL TO HER,

OR JUST MAYBE...

MAYBE SHE REALLY LIKED YOU.

I THINK THAT THAT'S SOMETHING

THAT YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE RIGHT NOW,

AND, UH...

AND I ALSO THINK THAT...

THAT WE...

SWEET SIMPLE FOLK...

WILL NOT GO AROUND KISSING YOUR ASS FOREVER.

"WATCH MY COCK, MADELAINE, WATCH ME BEAT IT AGAIN

"WHILE MISS JASMINE FATHOMS YOUR PUSSY

"FOR THE 27TH TIME THIS MORNING.

"THE SKY WAS CHARTREUSE,

"WRETCHEDLY BEAUTIFUL AND POISONOUS,

"AND HENRI PAID THE PROSTITUTE HANDSOMELY

FOR HER SERVICES."

OKAY, WHO WANTS TO START?

OH...

UM, I'M JUST WONDERING,

WHAT WAS THE SIGNIFICANCE

OF THE BRAZILIAN CROSS-DRESSER?

WELL, SHE WASN'T A CROSS-DRESSER,

SHE WAS A FULL-ON TRANSSEXUAL, AND, UH...

I GUESS I PUT HER IN THERE FOR LOCAL COLOR.

COLOR'S GOOD.

SOMETIMES A DETAIL IS AN END OF ITSELF.

JENNY?

YES.

I THINK THAT YOUR STORY EVOKES HENRY MILLER.

WELL, I THINK I DID HAVE HENRY MILLER IN MIND

JUST A LITTLE BIT.

YEAH, WITH YOUR PARIS SETTING, AND, YOU KNOW, THE YOUNGER MAN,

OLDER WOMAN RELATIONSHIP,

AND THE FIXATION ON PROSTITUTES, RIGHT?

OH, THOSE ARE ALL HENRY MILLER THEMES,

BUT WHAT ELSE ABOUT... HUNTER'S STORY

CALLS TO MIND HENRY MILLER FOR YOU?

I ACTUALLY THINK THAT IT'S HENRY MILLER LITE.

NO, NO, NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY,

BECAUSE IN YOUR STORY,

ALL YOUR WOMEN,

YOU'VE BASICALLY TURNED THEM

INTO THESE NAMELESS, FACELESS, BODY-PART WHORES.

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

I HONOR MY WOMAN CHARACTERS.

I IMBUE THEM WITH SEXUAL AGENCY.

YOUR MAIN CHARACTER, JASMINE,

SHE, LIKE, OPENS UP MADELAINE'S WORLD

BY GIVING HER THE BEST FUCKING ORGASM SHE'S EVER HAD...

WHICH I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS,

IS THE PRIMARY SEX ACT

THAT TWO WOMEN CAN ACTUALLY HAVE...

AND THEN YOU GO AHEAD, AND YOU BELITTLE IT

BY TURNING IT INTO PORNOGRAPHY,

AND I THINK

THAT THE REASON WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS

IS BECAUSE MEN CAN'T HANDLE IT,

THE FACT THAT THESE WOMEN CAN HAVE THIS AMAZING,

FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, MIND-BLOWING ORGASM

WITHOUT A FUCKING COCK.

HMM.

WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, JENNY.

HELLO.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR NUMBER.

UM, YOU KNOW, I THINK SHE LEFT.

BUT, UM...

YEAH, NO, SHE'S NOT BACK.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, SLOW DOWN.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU. SAY IT AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT, UM...

LISTEN, THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL.

JUST... JUST BE COOL.

TELL ME EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE, OKAY?

UH-HUH.

YEAH, OF COURSE, BUT WHERE SPECIFICALLY?

ON VENICE... ON WASHINGTON, OKAY.

ON THE WASHINGTON SIDE.

SO THE PHONE BOOTH RIGHT BY THE ALLEY.

OKAY, I WANT YOU TO JUST SIT DOWN RIGHT THERE,

AND I'M GOING TO BE THERE IN, LIKE, 20 MINUTES, ALL RIGHT,

AND JUST... JUST BE COOL,

AND, UM, JUST... JUST DON'T MOVE FROM THERE, OKAY?

UM, YOU'RE NOT DRINKING TOO MUCH WATER, ARE YOU?

BECAUSE I HEARD THIS THING ABOUT THIS GUY

WHO WAS AT THE BURNING MAN FESTIVAL

O.D.ing ON X,

AND HE WOUND UP DRINKING ALL THIS WATER...

YEAH, JUST...

I'M GOING TO BE THERE IN, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.

JUST DON'T DRINK A LOT OF WATER.

SCHECTER...

THAT WAS TOTALLY UNNECESSARY,

AND YOU KNOW BETTER.

UM...

BUT I... BUT I...

I SPOKE MY MIND.

I'VE BEEN SUBJECT TO SOME REALLY HARSH CRITICISM IN THIS CLASS,

AND I'VE BEEN ABLE TO TAKE IT

BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S YOUR JOB AS A WRITER,

TO BE ABLE TO TAKE THAT KIND OF CRITICISM.

MY JOB IS TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE BECOMES

THE BEST WRITER HE OR SHE CAN BE.

THERE ISN'T ONE STANDARD.

THERE ARE MANY.

AND I THINK IT'S TIME

THAT YOU STEP UP TO THE PLATE

AND START LIVING

ACCORDING TO THE STANDARD

I'VE SET FOR YOU.

OKAY, BUT WHAT IS YOUR STANDARD?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF ME,

OR YOU THINK OF MY WRITING, BECAUSE...

I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.

WHAT?

DO YOU WANT ME TO BLINDFOLD MYSELF

AND WALK INTO A BUSY INTERSECTION,

SO I CAN FEEL MORE WITH MY WRITING?

I WANT YOU TO CALL MY FRIEND

BURR CONNOR.

DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?

UM...

YES.

ISN'T HE, LIKE, THAT OLD-SCHOOL MOVIE STAR?

IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE SILENT ERA.

HE WAS AN ACTION STAR IN THE MID-'80S.

BUT HE'S AN INTERESTING MAN,

AND HE'S WRITING HIS MEMOIRS FOR DUTTON.

WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL HIM?

BECAUSE HE NEEDS HELP.

HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO REDACT HIS STORIES,

SOMEONE TO GIVE STRUCTURE,

AND HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO PUSH HIM TO DIG A LITTLE DEEPER

TO TELL THE TRUTHS THAT ARE HARDER TO FIND,

AND I TOLD HIM YOU WERE MY MOST GIFTED STUDENT.

TAKE THE CARD. CALL HIM.

SAILBOATS.

IT'S STAYING.

I KNOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE SO GOOD AT IT.

DO YOU WANT TO DO SOME MORE GLUE RIGHT HERE?

OKAY.

OKAY, SEE IF YOU CAN DO THAT.

YEAH, THAT LOOKS GOOD.

THIS ONE'S GOING TO BE HARD

BECAUSE IT'S, LIKE, TILTED.

DO YOU THINK MORE GLUE,

LIKE, ON THE ENDS?

JUST KEEP ON GLUING.

I'M GOING TO MAKE A QUICK PHONE CALL.

OKAY?

BETTE, IT'S TINA.

I KNOW WE'RE GETTING TOGETHER NEXT WEDNESDAY, BUT, UH...

I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN, UH...

THINKING ABOUT OUR BABY.

NO MORE, FUCKING CRAZY BITCH!

FUCK YOU, MEL!

GET OUT OF HERE, YOU LITTLE FREAK!

FUCKING LAY OFF!

YOU LITTLE FREAK. EAT SHIT!

GET OFF, MAN.

FUCK YOU. GET OFF ME.

YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

SHE DON'T LOOK LIKE NO FUCKING GIRL!

FUCK YOU, FUCKING CUNT!

NO MORE.

FUCK YOU, YOU KNOW?

FUCK OFF!

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

PIECE OF SHIT.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE OKAY.

I GOT YOU NOW.

HI.

JEEZ, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU.

I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR TINA.

TINA DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE.

UH, I'M SANDY.

SHE USED TO BUY FROZEN MEAT AND FISH FROM ME,

USUALLY STOCKED UP A COUPLE OF TIMES A YEAR?

YEAH, I REMEMBER YOU.

DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT WANT SOMETHING?

UM, I DON'T REALLY DO THAT MUCH COOKING ON MY OWN, SO...

WELL, LET ME GIVE YOU A BOX

OF NEW YORK STEAKS ON ME.

MAYBE I COULD COME BY AND COOK THEM FOR YOU SOMETIME.

OH, CHRIST...

YOU HAVE ONE UNHEARD MESSAGE.

BETTE, IT'S TINA.

I KNOW WE'RE GETTING TOGETHER NEXT WEDNESDAY, BUT, UH...

I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN, UH...

THINKING ABOUT OUR BABY.

WE CONCEIVED OF THIS BABY TOGETHER,

AND YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE PART OF HER LIFE.

I THINK SHE'LL LIKE THIS.