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1
00:00:53,147 --> 00:00:56,650
12 Tiger tanks, six Panthers...
2
00:00:56,650 --> 00:01:00,488
ten more of the new model...
All in the 70-ton class.
3
00:01:00,488 --> 00:01:02,990
There are four
munitions carriers.
4
00:01:02,990 --> 00:01:04,783
Headquarters will
be glad to get this.
5
00:01:04,825 --> 00:01:06,494
How much longer do
those tanks go on by?
6
00:01:06,535 --> 00:01:08,787
Eh, you can just about see
the end of the column now.
7
00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:11,665
The vibration's
loosening the beams.
8
00:01:11,665 --> 00:01:14,335
I don't think this tunnel's
going to hold up much longer.
9
00:01:14,376 --> 00:01:16,003
Okay, Lieutenant,
let's get a move on.
10
00:01:16,045 --> 00:01:18,005
If this tunnel caves in,
you'll be trapped.
11
00:01:18,047 --> 00:01:19,840
Where will I meet
the underground?
12
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,592
They're at the
end of the tunnel.
13
00:01:21,634 --> 00:01:22,885
LeBEAU:
Colonel Hogan!
14
00:01:22,927 --> 00:01:24,678
Roll call, Colonel.
They want us for formation.
15
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:25,930
Okay, LeBeau,
be right up.
16
00:01:25,971 --> 00:01:27,932
All right, Lieutenant,
you're on your way to England...
17
00:01:27,973 --> 00:01:30,017
with a complete description
of the Third Panzer Division.
18
00:01:30,017 --> 00:01:31,185
Good luck.
Thank you.
19
00:01:36,565 --> 00:01:37,775
We'd better fall out,
Colonel.
20
00:01:37,816 --> 00:01:39,485
Well, we'll have to wait
for Kinch to come up.
21
00:01:39,526 --> 00:01:41,820
Boy, Klink is really
steamed up. All right.
22
00:01:41,862 --> 00:01:43,781
Come on, Kinch,
hurry it up.
23
00:01:46,825 --> 00:01:48,786
There goes the tunnel.
What about Bigelow?
24
00:01:48,827 --> 00:01:50,120
He's okay... he's
past the shaky part.
25
00:01:50,162 --> 00:01:51,288
Come on.
26
00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:53,832
- Hey, battle stations.
- Here comes Klink.
27
00:01:59,296 --> 00:02:00,631
Colonel Hogan,
28
00:02:00,673 --> 00:02:02,800
I hope you will forgive me
for mentioning it,
29
00:02:02,841 --> 00:02:05,135
but we've been trying
to get your attention.
30
00:02:05,177 --> 00:02:06,512
You have? How?
31
00:02:11,809 --> 00:02:14,311
But, Colonel,
with all those tanks going by
32
00:02:14,353 --> 00:02:16,939
and all that noise, how could
we hear one little whistle?
33
00:02:16,981 --> 00:02:19,316
Schultz, they didn't hear
a thing.
34
00:02:19,358 --> 00:02:20,859
What do you think
about that?
35
00:02:20,901 --> 00:02:23,529
The tanks are a
little bit noisy.
36
00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:24,697
Schultz, shut up!
37
00:02:24,738 --> 00:02:28,200
I don't want your opinion,
even when I ask for it!
38
00:02:28,242 --> 00:02:30,703
Now, Hogan, there is
another little matter
39
00:02:30,744 --> 00:02:32,162
I've been meaning
to bring up.
40
00:02:32,204 --> 00:02:33,163
Do you have a moment?
41
00:02:33,205 --> 00:02:34,832
At your beck and call.
42
00:02:34,873 --> 00:02:37,292
Have you noticed how sloppy
your men have been lately?
43
00:02:37,334 --> 00:02:38,585
Sloppy? What do
you mean, sloppy?
44
00:02:38,627 --> 00:02:39,753
What in the world?!
That's a
45
00:02:39,795 --> 00:02:40,879
terrible
thing to say.
46
00:02:40,921 --> 00:02:42,840
It isn't just
their physical appearance,
47
00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:44,133
but it's the way they keep
48
00:02:44,174 --> 00:02:45,843
the barracks looking
like a pigsty.
49
00:02:45,884 --> 00:02:46,552
Pigsty?
A pigsty?!
50
00:02:46,593 --> 00:02:47,594
Aw, that's
not fair at all.
51
00:02:47,594 --> 00:02:48,637
Looks more like
a stable to me.
52
00:02:48,679 --> 00:02:50,597
It might also
interest you to know
53
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,017
that the Inspector General
was here last week.
54
00:02:53,058 --> 00:02:54,685
Sorry I missed him.
55
00:02:54,727 --> 00:02:56,145
He didn't miss you.
56
00:02:56,186 --> 00:02:58,814
This morning, I received
his rating report
57
00:02:58,856 --> 00:03:00,816
for the entire camp...
58
00:03:00,858 --> 00:03:02,651
"G" -minus.
59
00:03:02,693 --> 00:03:03,902
Is that a passing mark?
60
00:03:03,944 --> 00:03:05,696
That is next to the lowest.
61
00:03:05,738 --> 00:03:07,990
Commandant, you mean we've
worn out our welcome here?
62
00:03:08,032 --> 00:03:09,950
Fellas, let's pack
and get out, huh?
63
00:03:09,950 --> 00:03:10,951
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah!
64
00:03:10,951 --> 00:03:12,661
You all find this
very amusing, huh?
65
00:03:12,703 --> 00:03:14,830
Why don't we all
be amused, huh?
66
00:03:20,294 --> 00:03:22,546
Well, so much
for humor.
67
00:03:22,588 --> 00:03:24,840
We've been waiting
for you.
68
00:03:26,341 --> 00:03:28,010
Oh.
69
00:03:28,051 --> 00:03:30,345
Do join us for
the formation...
70
00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:33,056
whenever you
find the time.
71
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:37,394
Certainly was in a jolly mood.
72
00:03:37,436 --> 00:03:38,645
I never saw Klink
so pleasant.
73
00:03:38,687 --> 00:03:39,855
For him, that was happy.
74
00:03:39,897 --> 00:03:41,648
Yeah, and the only
time Klink is happy
75
00:03:41,690 --> 00:03:43,317
is when he's got
something rotten going.
76
00:03:43,358 --> 00:03:44,985
That's right... he
acts like he's got us
77
00:03:44,985 --> 00:03:46,487
where he wants us.
Where is that?
78
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,655
Wherever it is, I don't
like the neighborhood.
79
00:04:02,836 --> 00:04:04,171
Come in, come in.
80
00:04:04,171 --> 00:04:06,006
Colonel?
Yes, Hogan.
81
00:04:06,048 --> 00:04:07,758
Colonel, I couldn't resist
the temptation
82
00:04:07,799 --> 00:04:10,260
to come in and compliment you
on your good sportsmanship.
83
00:04:10,302 --> 00:04:11,553
You fooled me.
84
00:04:11,595 --> 00:04:14,181
I thought for sure you'd
be angry with the bad rating.
85
00:04:14,181 --> 00:04:16,308
Why should I be
angry, Hogan,
86
00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:18,143
when I know that
the next report
87
00:04:18,185 --> 00:04:20,103
from the Inspector
General will be
88
00:04:20,145 --> 00:04:21,438
a perfect rating?
89
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:22,981
Double "E", double plus.
90
00:04:23,023 --> 00:04:24,691
You're going to bribe
the Inspector?
91
00:04:24,691 --> 00:04:26,318
Oh, don't be
ridiculous, Hogan.
92
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,779
In the German army, you don't
bribe the Inspector General.
93
00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:31,532
I mean, uh, not
on a colonel's pay. Oh, no.
94
00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:35,327
I might say that I have
a secret weapon.
95
00:04:35,369 --> 00:04:37,204
Come in!
96
00:04:40,999 --> 00:04:44,044
Sergeant Reinhold Franks,
reporting for duty
97
00:04:44,044 --> 00:04:47,714
to Commandant Klink
for duty as ordered, sir!
98
00:04:47,756 --> 00:04:49,633
Your, um,
secret weapon?
99
00:04:49,675 --> 00:04:51,843
Uh-huh. My secret weapon.
100
00:05:00,394 --> 00:05:02,437
It took you one minute
and 53 seconds
101
00:05:02,479 --> 00:05:03,939
to fall out
after the whistle.
102
00:05:03,981 --> 00:05:06,441
According to regulations,
for the time is of essence,
103
00:05:06,483 --> 00:05:09,152
to complete formation,
you are allowed 48 seconds.
104
00:05:09,194 --> 00:05:10,821
As punishment,
you will fall out
105
00:05:10,862 --> 00:05:12,614
one hour earlier
tomorrow morning.
106
00:05:15,867 --> 00:05:18,036
Talking in ranks
is also against the regulations.
107
00:05:18,078 --> 00:05:19,204
For that,
you will fall out
108
00:05:19,246 --> 00:05:21,665
two hours earlier
tomorrow morning.
109
00:05:23,041 --> 00:05:24,710
Does the Commandant have
anything to say
110
00:05:24,751 --> 00:05:26,545
to the men
before the work detail?
111
00:05:26,586 --> 00:05:27,713
Nothing wrong, Sergeant.
112
00:05:27,754 --> 00:05:30,674
Everything is fine.
Just perfect.
113
00:05:30,716 --> 00:05:32,592
Right face!
114
00:05:32,634 --> 00:05:35,345
Double time! Hut!
115
00:05:35,387 --> 00:05:37,014
Eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,
116
00:05:37,055 --> 00:05:38,682
eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,
117
00:05:38,724 --> 00:05:40,350
eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,
118
00:05:40,392 --> 00:05:42,311
eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,
119
00:05:42,352 --> 00:05:43,270
eins, zwei
eins, zwei...
120
00:05:43,312 --> 00:05:44,271
That Sergeant
Franks is
121
00:05:44,312 --> 00:05:46,106
a great believer
in regulations.
122
00:05:46,148 --> 00:05:48,275
Yeah. There ought to be
a regulation against him.
123
00:05:48,316 --> 00:05:49,943
Where'd you get
this prize package?
124
00:05:49,985 --> 00:05:52,279
Major Meiling from Stalag
Eight gave him to me.
125
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,947
Yeah, well, the Major's
going to have to
126
00:05:53,989 --> 00:05:55,615
answer for this
at the war crime trials.
127
00:05:55,657 --> 00:05:57,784
I thought it was
very generous of him.
128
00:05:57,826 --> 00:05:59,619
You know, Stalag
Eight has had
129
00:05:59,661 --> 00:06:00,954
the lowest
efficiency rating
130
00:06:00,996 --> 00:06:02,289
of any of the camps.
131
00:06:02,330 --> 00:06:04,291
And ever since they've
had Sergeant Franks,
132
00:06:04,291 --> 00:06:05,959
they've been getting
perfect ratings:
133
00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:07,961
double "E", double plus.
134
00:06:07,961 --> 00:06:10,130
And that's what we're
going to get from now on.
135
00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:12,424
Eins, zwei, eins, zwei
eins, zwei, eins, zwei,
136
00:06:12,466 --> 00:06:14,468
eins, zwei, eins, zwei,
eins, zwei, eins, zwei,
137
00:06:14,468 --> 00:06:15,927
eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,
138
00:06:15,969 --> 00:06:17,471
eins, zwei, eins, zwei,
eins, zwei,
139
00:06:17,512 --> 00:06:20,015
eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei, eins zwei...
140
00:06:20,057 --> 00:06:21,850
Klink, you know,
this is the kind of thing
141
00:06:21,892 --> 00:06:23,268
that gives a prison camp
a bad name.
142
00:06:35,363 --> 00:06:36,823
How'd it go?
143
00:06:36,865 --> 00:06:39,326
That Kraut never heard
of walking.
144
00:06:39,326 --> 00:06:41,161
He had you
running all day?
145
00:06:41,161 --> 00:06:44,372
Oh, no. We stopped to rest
and pull weeds.
146
00:06:44,414 --> 00:06:46,541
I'll never play
the violin again.
147
00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:48,168
You don't play
the violin.
148
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:50,170
I know, but he
doesn't know that.
149
00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:53,548
Everything is regulations...
150
00:06:53,590 --> 00:06:56,343
According to the book.
151
00:06:56,343 --> 00:06:57,928
We gotta clear out that tunnel,
152
00:06:57,969 --> 00:07:00,013
but you guys aren't
in any shape to work.
153
00:07:01,056 --> 00:07:03,850
What is he running for?
154
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:05,310
What? What?
155
00:07:05,352 --> 00:07:07,020
Why do you let him do it,
Schultz?
156
00:07:07,062 --> 00:07:08,563
Why do you let him
push you around?
157
00:07:08,605 --> 00:07:10,816
There must be some regulation
that lets him do it.
158
00:07:10,857 --> 00:07:12,859
He knows them all.
159
00:07:12,901 --> 00:07:14,069
But you're both sergeants.
160
00:07:14,110 --> 00:07:16,112
He can't order you around.
You're the same rank.
161
00:07:16,154 --> 00:07:17,656
That's right.
162
00:07:17,697 --> 00:07:19,032
Who's he think he is?
163
00:07:19,032 --> 00:07:21,785
Yeah, who does he think he is?
164
00:07:21,827 --> 00:07:22,702
Tell him off, Schultz.
165
00:07:22,953 --> 00:07:24,204
I will!
166
00:07:24,204 --> 00:07:26,706
Nobody pushes
Sergeant Schultz around! Nobody!
167
00:07:26,706 --> 00:07:29,167
Who does he think he is?
168
00:07:29,209 --> 00:07:31,795
He better not start up with me.
169
00:07:31,836 --> 00:07:33,755
All right, everybody
on his feet!
170
00:07:33,797 --> 00:07:35,215
Up, up, up!
171
00:07:35,215 --> 00:07:36,841
Don't do that.
It is forbidden to rest
172
00:07:36,883 --> 00:07:38,051
on the beds during the day.
173
00:07:38,093 --> 00:07:39,219
This will be reported.
174
00:07:39,219 --> 00:07:41,054
Do you have to report
everything, Sergeant?
175
00:07:41,054 --> 00:07:43,056
I mean, can't you overlook
something once in a while?
176
00:07:43,056 --> 00:07:45,016
That would be
against the regulations.
177
00:07:45,058 --> 00:07:47,894
Regulations.
178
00:07:47,936 --> 00:07:50,146
Sergeant Schultz,
I am putting you on report.
179
00:07:50,188 --> 00:07:52,315
Fraternizing
with the prisoners,
180
00:07:52,357 --> 00:07:54,568
uniform not
in regulation order,
181
00:07:54,568 --> 00:07:57,988
and taking an unauthorized break
during duty hours.
182
00:07:58,029 --> 00:07:59,531
Yes, sir!
183
00:07:59,573 --> 00:08:00,865
Raus, heraus!
184
00:08:00,907 --> 00:08:02,409
Double time, hut!
185
00:08:02,409 --> 00:08:04,327
Eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,
186
00:08:04,369 --> 00:08:06,079
eins, zwei, eins, zwei,
eins, zwei,
187
00:08:06,079 --> 00:08:07,747
eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,
188
00:08:07,747 --> 00:08:08,873
eins, zwei,
eins, zwei...
189
00:08:08,915 --> 00:08:11,751
Hey, Schultz,
what happened?
190
00:08:11,751 --> 00:08:14,254
Next time, I
tell him off.
191
00:08:15,922 --> 00:08:18,550
Hogan, you've had it too easy.
192
00:08:18,591 --> 00:08:21,386
From now on,
thanks to Sergeant Franks,
193
00:08:21,428 --> 00:08:24,931
all rules and regulations
will be strictly enforced.
194
00:08:24,973 --> 00:08:27,684
Now, we'll show you how things
are run in the German army.
195
00:08:27,726 --> 00:08:30,061
This camp will have
an efficiency rating
196
00:08:30,103 --> 00:08:32,314
that I will not be ashamed of.
197
00:08:32,355 --> 00:08:34,524
Come in.
198
00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:39,112
Colonel Klink, I have
made out a report
199
00:08:39,112 --> 00:08:41,448
on Sergeant Schultz.
200
00:08:41,448 --> 00:08:43,450
Violations of
Article Six,
201
00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:45,118
Article 13,
subsection "G",
202
00:08:45,118 --> 00:08:47,454
and Article 78,
paragraph four.
203
00:08:47,454 --> 00:08:49,289
H-Herr Kommandant,
it is nothing.
204
00:08:49,289 --> 00:08:51,833
I was only...
Nothing?
205
00:08:51,875 --> 00:08:54,586
Rules are here to be kept.
That goes for everyone.
206
00:08:54,627 --> 00:08:56,254
No one is too big
for regulations.
207
00:08:56,296 --> 00:08:57,464
Now, remember that.
208
00:08:57,505 --> 00:08:59,007
I have another
report here, Colonel.
209
00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:00,175
Would you please
initial it
210
00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:01,634
so I can send it
to Headquarters?
211
00:09:01,676 --> 00:09:03,219
Of course, Sergeant Franks.
212
00:09:03,261 --> 00:09:06,097
You know, you're doing
a wonderful...
213
00:09:07,724 --> 00:09:09,809
This report is about me.
214
00:09:09,809 --> 00:09:12,270
Yes, sir. I felt it was my duty
to make it out.
215
00:09:12,312 --> 00:09:16,691
"Commandant's efficiency report
six weeks in..."
216
00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:19,194
This is outrageous.
217
00:09:19,235 --> 00:09:20,570
Colonel, remember,
218
00:09:20,612 --> 00:09:23,198
no one is too big
for regulations.
219
00:09:23,239 --> 00:09:26,159
Sergeant Franks, I
could have you broken.
220
00:09:26,201 --> 00:09:28,912
Yes, sir, but I will have to
write to my cousin about it.
221
00:09:28,953 --> 00:09:30,622
What cousin?
222
00:09:30,663 --> 00:09:33,041
The one who works in
Field Marshal Göring's office.
223
00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:35,585
Does the Colonel wish
to contest my report?
224
00:09:35,627 --> 00:09:37,253
According to
the Article 17,
225
00:09:37,295 --> 00:09:38,588
a letter made
out in triplicate
226
00:09:38,630 --> 00:09:40,131
can be forwarded...
No, no, no, no.
227
00:09:40,173 --> 00:09:42,133
I'll have the girls make out
the efficiency report.
228
00:09:42,175 --> 00:09:43,426
I am sorry, sir.
229
00:09:43,468 --> 00:09:45,929
According to regulations,
the reports must be made out
230
00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:48,139
in the commanding officer's
own handwriting.
231
00:09:48,181 --> 00:09:49,599
But that would take weeks.
232
00:09:49,641 --> 00:09:51,726
Sergeant Franks, you strike me
as the kind of guy
233
00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:53,228
that would turn in
your own father.
234
00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:55,063
Colonel Hogan,
at this very moment,
235
00:09:55,105 --> 00:09:57,357
my father is in a labor camp
in east Prussia.
236
00:09:58,858 --> 00:09:59,859
I knew it.
237
00:09:59,859 --> 00:10:02,821
Colonel Klink, I did not
mention it in my report,
238
00:10:02,862 --> 00:10:06,324
but the Führer's picture
is not properly hung.
239
00:10:06,366 --> 00:10:07,659
According to regulations,
240
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:10,787
it must be eight inches
above eye level.
241
00:10:10,829 --> 00:10:14,040
Thank you so much
for not reporting it.
242
00:10:14,082 --> 00:10:16,960
Do I have to hang it myself?
243
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:18,878
No, sir, that can be done
by anyone,
244
00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:21,047
but he must wear gloves.
245
00:10:21,089 --> 00:10:23,049
Now, there's a regulation
I can understand.
246
00:10:23,049 --> 00:10:25,635
I wouldn't touch it
myself without gloves.
247
00:10:33,351 --> 00:10:34,936
You look like
a bunch of old men.
248
00:10:34,978 --> 00:10:36,354
That's what we are.
249
00:10:36,396 --> 00:10:37,981
We're old men.
250
00:10:38,022 --> 00:10:40,066
You should have seen us
this morning.
251
00:10:40,108 --> 00:10:41,192
We were young men.
252
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:42,360
One thing's for sure.
253
00:10:42,402 --> 00:10:44,946
We got to figure some way
to get rid of Franks.
254
00:10:44,988 --> 00:10:47,115
Got to figure some way to do it.
255
00:10:47,156 --> 00:10:49,200
It's either him or us.
256
00:10:49,242 --> 00:10:50,785
This can't go on,
even if we have to...
257
00:11:06,342 --> 00:11:07,594
All right!
All right!
258
00:11:07,594 --> 00:11:08,761
Everybody up!
259
00:11:08,761 --> 00:11:10,847
Up! Up! Up!
Don't do that.
260
00:11:10,888 --> 00:11:13,600
I am here to inspect
the barracks, Colonel.
261
00:11:13,641 --> 00:11:16,477
Well, as you can see,
they're still here.
262
00:11:18,438 --> 00:11:21,608
The bunks are
28 inches apart.
263
00:11:21,649 --> 00:11:22,900
How about that?
264
00:11:22,942 --> 00:11:24,652
Regulations say bunks
265
00:11:24,694 --> 00:11:26,779
must be 27 inches apart.
266
00:11:26,779 --> 00:11:28,489
We needed the space
for dancing.
267
00:11:28,531 --> 00:11:30,950
Guards are not allowed
to joke with prisoners of war.
268
00:11:30,992 --> 00:11:34,120
Article 15, Paragraph Six.
269
00:11:40,293 --> 00:11:42,086
It's a formal inspection.
270
00:11:52,764 --> 00:11:54,098
Aha!
271
00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:55,850
I always use
a black glove, myself.
272
00:11:55,892 --> 00:11:57,560
That way, the dirt
doesn't show.
273
00:11:57,602 --> 00:11:58,895
I know... Article 15.
274
00:11:58,936 --> 00:12:00,772
Dirty bunks and
dirty walls.
275
00:12:00,813 --> 00:12:04,150
From now on, this barracks
is on half rations,
276
00:12:04,192 --> 00:12:08,029
and all recreation periods
are canceled for a month.
277
00:12:08,071 --> 00:12:10,448
Well, there go
the polo matches.
278
00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:13,451
I want this barracks
scrubbed down... every inch.
279
00:12:13,493 --> 00:12:15,453
Use a toothbrush
in the corners.
280
00:12:15,495 --> 00:12:17,955
I want to be able to
eat off the floor.
281
00:12:17,997 --> 00:12:19,665
I'm not too crazy
about your eating
282
00:12:19,677 --> 00:12:21,501
habits, but if that's
what you want...
283
00:12:24,003 --> 00:12:25,588
Halt!
284
00:12:25,797 --> 00:12:28,007
Rechtsom!
285
00:12:28,049 --> 00:12:29,383
Schultz.
286
00:12:29,425 --> 00:12:31,135
Jawoh...
287
00:12:31,177 --> 00:12:32,929
Oh, it's you.
I thought it was...
288
00:12:32,970 --> 00:12:34,847
Yeah, I know, Schultz.
289
00:12:34,889 --> 00:12:37,350
You know, you're acting
different lately, Schultz.
290
00:12:37,391 --> 00:12:39,102
It's terrible, isn't it?
Oh, awful.
291
00:12:39,143 --> 00:12:40,853
You've lost your charm.
292
00:12:40,895 --> 00:12:42,480
I know.
293
00:12:42,522 --> 00:12:43,981
Colonel Hogan, please,
294
00:12:44,023 --> 00:12:45,983
couldn't you
get rid of him?
295
00:12:46,025 --> 00:12:47,819
What are you suggesting?
296
00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:50,154
I want you to suggest.
297
00:12:50,196 --> 00:12:52,406
We're on the
same side now.
298
00:12:52,448 --> 00:12:54,700
Franks is the enemy.
299
00:13:13,344 --> 00:13:15,555
What's new, Max?
300
00:13:15,555 --> 00:13:16,681
You tell me, Colonel.
301
00:13:16,722 --> 00:13:18,516
We're still waiting
for Lieutenant Bigelow.
302
00:13:18,558 --> 00:13:20,184
Bigelow? We sent
him out through
303
00:13:20,226 --> 00:13:21,352
the tunnel yesterday.
304
00:13:21,394 --> 00:13:22,603
My men have been watching
305
00:13:22,645 --> 00:13:24,355
the end of the tunnel
every minute.
306
00:13:24,397 --> 00:13:25,398
He never came out.
307
00:13:25,439 --> 00:13:27,233
Then he's still
in the tunnel.
308
00:13:27,275 --> 00:13:29,360
He must've got caught
in the cave-in.
309
00:13:29,402 --> 00:13:32,405
That means Bigelow...
Don't say it.
310
00:13:32,446 --> 00:13:33,739
I don't know.
311
00:13:39,412 --> 00:13:40,663
All right, fellas.
Everybody up!
312
00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:41,873
Don't do that, sir.
313
00:13:41,914 --> 00:13:43,124
Something wrong,
Colonel?
314
00:13:43,165 --> 00:13:44,625
Plenty. Bigelow's
still in the tunnel.
315
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:45,751
What? He's still down there?
316
00:13:45,751 --> 00:13:47,253
But he was past
the part that caved in.
317
00:13:47,253 --> 00:13:48,337
He never got out.
318
00:13:48,379 --> 00:13:49,839
Let's start digging
and hope for the best.
319
00:13:51,173 --> 00:13:52,216
Schultz coming!
320
00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:55,595
What's going on?
321
00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:56,971
We have no time, Schultz.
322
00:13:57,013 --> 00:13:58,014
You better make time.
323
00:13:58,055 --> 00:13:59,640
The Commandant
wants to see you.
324
00:13:59,682 --> 00:14:01,267
All right.
Let's go.
325
00:14:02,643 --> 00:14:04,312
Get going, you guys.
326
00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:09,817
Come in, come in.
327
00:14:09,859 --> 00:14:11,861
Oh, it's you, Hogan.
328
00:14:11,902 --> 00:14:13,195
I thought it was, uh...
329
00:14:13,237 --> 00:14:14,280
Yes, I know.
330
00:14:14,322 --> 00:14:15,656
You wanted to
see me, sir?
331
00:14:15,698 --> 00:14:16,949
Yes, Hogan.
332
00:14:16,991 --> 00:14:18,659
I want to tell you...
333
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:20,328
I want to ask you...
334
00:14:20,369 --> 00:14:22,622
How to get rid of
Sergeant Franks.
335
00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:23,956
Yes.
336
00:14:23,998 --> 00:14:25,750
Don't misunderstand me, Hogan.
337
00:14:25,791 --> 00:14:28,085
I admire
a dedicated German soldier
338
00:14:28,127 --> 00:14:30,212
who lives by the rules, but...
339
00:14:30,254 --> 00:14:31,631
He's getting in
your hair, too, hmm?
340
00:14:32,798 --> 00:14:34,467
Sorry, sir.
Bad taste.
341
00:14:34,508 --> 00:14:36,427
Look, why don't you send him
back where you got him?
342
00:14:36,469 --> 00:14:38,804
Back to Major Meiling?
He laughed when I called him.
343
00:14:38,804 --> 00:14:40,348
He couldn't wait
to get rid of him.
344
00:14:40,389 --> 00:14:41,974
What about the
other prison camps?
345
00:14:42,058 --> 00:14:44,810
Oh, I called them all.
They all laughed.
346
00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:48,189
Everybody knew about this
Sergeant Franks but me.
347
00:14:48,230 --> 00:14:49,482
Hogan, I know you.
348
00:14:49,523 --> 00:14:51,400
You can think of something.
349
00:14:51,442 --> 00:14:53,694
You have a devious,
cunning mind.
350
00:14:53,736 --> 00:14:56,113
You don't have to flatter me.
I'll come up with something.
351
00:14:57,406 --> 00:14:59,158
Eh, danke.
352
00:14:59,158 --> 00:15:01,619
Are you, uh, thinking
of something?
353
00:15:01,660 --> 00:15:03,537
I'm thinking...
354
00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:10,336
Huh?!
355
00:15:10,378 --> 00:15:12,129
Forget it.
356
00:15:17,676 --> 00:15:18,719
I've got it.
357
00:15:18,761 --> 00:15:20,304
You have? What is it?
Tell me.
358
00:15:20,346 --> 00:15:21,472
Ooh, I like it already.
359
00:15:21,555 --> 00:15:22,390
We rub him out.
360
00:15:22,556 --> 00:15:23,432
Rub him out.
361
00:15:23,557 --> 00:15:24,433
Bump him off.
362
00:15:24,558 --> 00:15:25,643
Bump him off.
363
00:15:25,684 --> 00:15:27,269
If he's standing
in the street,
364
00:15:27,311 --> 00:15:29,146
we come by in a car
with a Tommy gun
365
00:15:29,188 --> 00:15:30,648
and let him have it.
366
00:15:32,191 --> 00:15:33,692
Hogan, are you out
of your mind?
367
00:15:33,692 --> 00:15:35,778
The Gestapo will get
to you in ten minutes.
368
00:15:35,820 --> 00:15:37,696
Oh, I don't know.
Cagney always did it,
369
00:15:37,738 --> 00:15:39,115
and the Gestapo
never got him.
370
00:15:42,076 --> 00:15:44,620
You've lost your confidence
in me, haven't you, sir?
371
00:15:44,662 --> 00:15:48,916
I have six months of paperwork
to catch up on.
372
00:15:48,958 --> 00:15:50,584
Oh, don't worry, I'll think
of something by then.
373
00:15:51,794 --> 00:15:53,295
Hogan?
374
00:15:53,337 --> 00:15:54,964
You don't care
what happens to me.
375
00:15:58,384 --> 00:15:59,552
Nobody cares.
376
00:16:13,774 --> 00:16:15,401
Franks is coming!
377
00:16:18,571 --> 00:16:20,030
All right, get
down in the tunnel.
378
00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:21,282
Right.
379
00:16:21,323 --> 00:16:22,908
Tell the rest
to keep quiet.
380
00:16:26,412 --> 00:16:28,038
Looking for something,
Sergeant?
381
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,415
The Colonel
is up late.
382
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,167
Yeah, I was just gonna
get some fresh air.
383
00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:33,169
It's not against
regulations, is it?
384
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:35,588
The Colonel still
likes to make jokes.
385
00:16:35,588 --> 00:16:37,923
Didn't think you'd notice.
386
00:16:37,965 --> 00:16:41,635
I notice everything.
387
00:16:41,677 --> 00:16:44,096
Nobody fools Sergeant Franks.
388
00:16:44,096 --> 00:16:46,515
Man would have to be a fool
to try to fool you.
389
00:16:46,682 --> 00:16:48,767
That's right.
390
00:16:53,397 --> 00:16:54,607
Oh.
391
00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:56,984
The Inspector General
is coming here tomorrow.
392
00:16:57,026 --> 00:16:58,110
He was just here.
393
00:16:58,110 --> 00:16:59,612
You have something
to do with it?
394
00:16:59,653 --> 00:17:01,196
Through my cousin,
who works...
395
00:17:01,238 --> 00:17:02,823
Works in Göring's
office, yeah. Ja.
396
00:17:02,865 --> 00:17:03,949
You expect a good rating?
397
00:17:03,991 --> 00:17:06,785
"E.E." double plus.
398
00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:08,454
Naturally, you'll
get the credit.
399
00:17:08,454 --> 00:17:09,580
Why not?
400
00:17:09,622 --> 00:17:11,332
Before I came here,
the camp rating
401
00:17:11,373 --> 00:17:12,958
was "G" minus.
402
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,084
Oh, I see.
403
00:17:14,126 --> 00:17:16,503
You're out to make
yourself look good
404
00:17:16,545 --> 00:17:17,963
and Klink look bad.
405
00:17:17,963 --> 00:17:19,006
Why not?
406
00:17:19,048 --> 00:17:21,467
That is how a
soldier gets ahead
407
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,093
in the German army.
408
00:17:23,135 --> 00:17:26,180
Well, I hope you get
everything you deserve.
409
00:17:28,015 --> 00:17:30,601
I'll even help if I can.
410
00:17:35,356 --> 00:17:37,024
Come on.
411
00:17:37,107 --> 00:17:39,485
Hey, I think we're
almost through.
412
00:17:39,568 --> 00:17:40,653
Bigelow!
413
00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:41,779
Yeah. Hi, you guys.
414
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:43,489
You okay?
Yeah, fine.
415
00:17:43,489 --> 00:17:45,407
Oh, I'm glad to see you.
416
00:17:45,449 --> 00:17:46,492
Here, LeBeau,
get in there.
417
00:17:46,492 --> 00:17:49,119
Come on, fellas,
let's go. Go!
418
00:17:52,164 --> 00:17:54,166
Here. Give him a hand.
419
00:17:55,751 --> 00:17:57,586
- Here we go.
- All right.
420
00:17:57,628 --> 00:17:58,837
The rest are
coming through.
421
00:17:58,837 --> 00:17:59,797
Welcome.
422
00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:02,174
Yeah.
423
00:18:02,174 --> 00:18:03,676
It took you guys
long enough.
424
00:18:03,676 --> 00:18:06,261
I was just starting to
lose my taste for sardines.
425
00:18:06,303 --> 00:18:07,388
Eh, freak cave-in.
426
00:18:07,429 --> 00:18:09,682
Looks like everything
went but the middle.
427
00:18:09,682 --> 00:18:11,684
Which is where I happened
to be at the time.
428
00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:12,893
For once, being
caught in
429
00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:14,478
the middle is okay.
430
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,646
Hey.
431
00:18:15,688 --> 00:18:16,855
There's at
least 40 feet
432
00:18:16,897 --> 00:18:18,023
before we
get outside.
433
00:18:18,107 --> 00:18:19,441
That's another week's digging.
434
00:18:19,483 --> 00:18:20,734
We've got to get
rid of the dirt.
435
00:18:20,776 --> 00:18:22,194
Yeah, I know.
With that sergeant
436
00:18:22,236 --> 00:18:23,946
sniffing around,
it's gonna be tough.
437
00:18:23,987 --> 00:18:26,532
Look, we'd better get those
sacks of dirt back upstairs.
438
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:27,991
We'll put them in the rafters.
439
00:18:28,033 --> 00:18:29,201
- Okay.
- Go ahead.
440
00:18:34,039 --> 00:18:35,290
Reveille?
It isn't time yet.
441
00:18:35,332 --> 00:18:37,709
Two hours earlier
for punishment. Remember?
442
00:18:37,709 --> 00:18:38,877
What do we do now, Colonel?
443
00:18:38,877 --> 00:18:39,878
We'd better fall out.
444
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,380
Franks inspected
the barracks yesterday.
445
00:18:41,422 --> 00:18:42,798
Does that mean
he won't come in?
446
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,092
If we're not out there
in ten seconds, he will.
447
00:18:47,886 --> 00:18:50,222
All present
and accounted for.
448
00:18:50,389 --> 00:18:51,598
Colonel Klink.
449
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:52,558
Colonel Klink.
450
00:18:52,558 --> 00:18:53,642
Hmm? Hmm?
451
00:18:53,684 --> 00:18:55,519
What's the matter?
452
00:18:55,561 --> 00:18:57,604
The men are all present
and accounted for.
453
00:18:57,646 --> 00:19:00,649
Did you have to wake me
up just to tell me that?
454
00:19:00,691 --> 00:19:02,359
Oh, very good.
Very good.
455
00:19:02,401 --> 00:19:04,236
I wish to report
that the Inspector General
456
00:19:04,278 --> 00:19:06,697
will be here this morning
for an unscheduled inspection.
457
00:19:06,738 --> 00:19:08,949
The Inspector General?
Why so soon?
458
00:19:08,991 --> 00:19:11,869
I assure the Colonel
that we will get a top rating.
459
00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:13,120
Colonel Hogan!
460
00:19:13,162 --> 00:19:15,289
You will see
that your men are ready.
461
00:19:15,330 --> 00:19:17,374
My men are ready
at all times for anything.
462
00:19:17,416 --> 00:19:19,293
I will inspect
your barracks now.
463
00:19:19,334 --> 00:19:20,586
Why bother?
464
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,087
The place was just
cleaned yesterday.
465
00:19:22,087 --> 00:19:24,089
The dirt, it's
all over the place.
466
00:19:24,131 --> 00:19:25,632
I will make sure.
467
00:19:25,674 --> 00:19:27,092
You act like you
don't trust us.
468
00:19:27,092 --> 00:19:28,260
The Colonel is right.
469
00:19:28,302 --> 00:19:29,094
I do not.
470
00:19:33,056 --> 00:19:34,183
I want to go on record
471
00:19:34,224 --> 00:19:35,934
as protesting
this breach of faith.
472
00:19:35,976 --> 00:19:38,312
Give us a few minutes
to tidy up the place.
473
00:19:42,608 --> 00:19:44,401
Well, Sergeant,
I hope you're satisfied.
474
00:19:44,443 --> 00:19:45,527
Make sure it
stays this way.
475
00:19:45,569 --> 00:19:47,946
I understand you
are a tailor.
476
00:19:47,988 --> 00:19:49,948
Sometimes.
Schultz!
477
00:19:49,948 --> 00:19:51,450
Yes, sir!
478
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:52,701
Yes.
479
00:19:52,743 --> 00:19:54,036
Press my uniform.
480
00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:57,289
I want it back in time
for the inspection.
481
00:19:57,331 --> 00:19:58,624
Is this soon enough?
482
00:19:58,624 --> 00:20:01,627
I can have you shot for this.
483
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,003
All right, easy, Sergeant.
484
00:20:03,045 --> 00:20:04,588
LeBeau, I'm surprised at you.
485
00:20:04,630 --> 00:20:06,757
You're not being friendly
with our guest.
486
00:20:06,798 --> 00:20:08,050
It'll be done, Sergeant.
487
00:20:08,091 --> 00:20:09,635
Very good, Colonel.
488
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,094
You are sensible.
489
00:20:11,136 --> 00:20:12,262
What else could we do?
490
00:20:12,304 --> 00:20:14,806
We're just prisoners,
and you're the master race.
491
00:20:24,149 --> 00:20:25,817
Bigelow, thanks for
cleaning up the place,
492
00:20:25,859 --> 00:20:27,152
but what'd you
do with the dirt?
493
00:20:27,194 --> 00:20:28,570
Threw it back
down in the hole.
494
00:20:28,612 --> 00:20:29,821
Good thinking.
495
00:20:29,863 --> 00:20:31,198
Hey, that's great,
Bigelow! Great!
496
00:20:31,239 --> 00:20:32,824
We're getting you
out of here today.
497
00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:34,368
Today? We won't have
the tunnel clear.
498
00:20:34,409 --> 00:20:35,994
You said yourself
it would take a week.
499
00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:37,955
I know. He's going out
through the front gate.
500
00:20:37,996 --> 00:20:39,164
Front gate?!
How?
501
00:20:39,164 --> 00:20:43,001
I don't quite know how yet,
but it involves Sergeant Franks.
502
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:44,169
Well, I'll tell
you one thing:
503
00:20:44,211 --> 00:20:45,253
I'm not pressing
his uniform...
504
00:20:45,295 --> 00:20:46,421
unless he's in it.
505
00:20:46,463 --> 00:20:48,882
Take it easy.
Yes, you are.
506
00:20:48,924 --> 00:20:51,301
But you're going to do
a better job than he expects.
507
00:20:51,343 --> 00:20:53,553
Carter, you still got
some of that invisible ink
508
00:20:53,595 --> 00:20:55,389
that you made up
for sending messages?
509
00:20:55,430 --> 00:20:57,307
Sure. Why?
510
00:20:57,349 --> 00:20:59,851
What temperature does
the ink begin to show?
511
00:20:59,893 --> 00:21:01,937
90 degrees.
512
00:21:01,978 --> 00:21:04,481
And body temperature is 98.6.
513
00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:05,607
That's perfect.
514
00:21:05,649 --> 00:21:06,983
What's-what's going
on, Colonel?
515
00:21:07,025 --> 00:21:08,360
Same time we
get rid of you,
516
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,195
we're gonna get rid
of Sergeant Franks.
517
00:21:10,195 --> 00:21:13,490
Killing two birds
with one stone, eh?
518
00:21:13,532 --> 00:21:15,409
Let's just say we're
killing one bird,
519
00:21:15,450 --> 00:21:17,285
and the other one's
flying the coop.
520
00:21:21,790 --> 00:21:23,458
I am sure the
Inspector General
521
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:25,210
will find everything
in order.
522
00:21:25,252 --> 00:21:27,546
I hope so, Sergeant.
523
00:21:27,546 --> 00:21:31,049
The last commandant
who had two "G" minus ratings
524
00:21:31,049 --> 00:21:32,634
was Colonel Feldgaum.
525
00:21:32,676 --> 00:21:35,178
Oh, you mean Colonel Feldgaum
from Stalag Five, huh?
526
00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:37,013
No, Colonel Feldgaum
527
00:21:37,055 --> 00:21:39,266
of the Russian front.
528
00:21:44,104 --> 00:21:47,441
This is the worst
I have ever seen!
529
00:21:47,482 --> 00:21:49,568
I can't understand it.
530
00:21:49,568 --> 00:21:51,570
You told me everything
was in order.
531
00:21:51,611 --> 00:21:54,072
It was... just two minutes ago.
532
00:21:54,114 --> 00:21:55,407
Get the men out here.
533
00:21:55,449 --> 00:21:57,826
Jawohl!
534
00:21:59,744 --> 00:22:02,789
- Fall out!
- Fall out! Fall out!
535
00:22:02,831 --> 00:22:05,333
Make it snappy.
Get into formation.
536
00:22:05,375 --> 00:22:07,586
Get into formation!
537
00:22:09,129 --> 00:22:11,006
Get into the formation!
538
00:22:12,090 --> 00:22:15,594
Sergeant Franks,
this is shocking.
539
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:17,596
Prisoner detail,
all assembled and correct, sir.
540
00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:21,892
Bravo! Bravo!
541
00:22:21,933 --> 00:22:23,768
Nothing up his sleeve.
542
00:22:23,768 --> 00:22:26,938
Silence!
543
00:22:28,064 --> 00:22:29,441
Hey, show a leg there!
544
00:22:29,441 --> 00:22:31,610
Detail awaiting
instructions, sir.
545
00:22:34,863 --> 00:22:36,072
Oh, my good...
546
00:22:36,114 --> 00:22:37,866
You're coming apart
at the seams, mate.
547
00:22:37,908 --> 00:22:40,952
As I, uh, as I said,
awaiting instructions, sir.
548
00:22:40,952 --> 00:22:43,622
Sergeant Franks, what
is happening here?
549
00:23:00,764 --> 00:23:02,474
I do not know anything
about this!
550
00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:03,808
This is treason!
551
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:06,645
Turn this man
over to the Gestapo.
552
00:23:06,645 --> 00:23:08,188
But I am innocent!
553
00:23:08,230 --> 00:23:09,522
That's what they all say.
554
00:23:09,564 --> 00:23:10,774
You're right, mate,
555
00:23:10,815 --> 00:23:12,400
the old story,
every time.
556
00:23:12,442 --> 00:23:13,693
Schultz!
557
00:23:13,735 --> 00:23:15,695
Hold this man till the
Gestapo picks him up.
558
00:23:15,737 --> 00:23:16,821
With pleasure!
559
00:23:16,863 --> 00:23:19,449
But I did not do
anything wrong!
560
00:23:19,491 --> 00:23:21,326
Yes, you did.
You broke the regulations.
561
00:23:21,326 --> 00:23:23,703
Article Two, Paragraph Nine.
562
00:23:23,745 --> 00:23:25,163
You're out of uniform.
563
00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:28,667
Don't forget
to write, mate!
564
00:23:28,667 --> 00:23:30,835
Don't forget to write.
565
00:23:32,796 --> 00:23:35,090
Naturally, Klink,
I don't blame you
566
00:23:35,131 --> 00:23:37,008
for the condition
of the camp.
567
00:23:37,175 --> 00:23:38,218
He did it.
568
00:23:38,259 --> 00:23:39,719
He won't do it anymore.
569
00:23:51,439 --> 00:23:52,899
Gestapo.
570
00:23:52,941 --> 00:23:54,818
You have a prisoner for me.
571
00:23:54,859 --> 00:23:56,194
Which one of you is it?
572
00:23:57,487 --> 00:23:58,738
He's the one.
573
00:23:58,780 --> 00:24:00,448
But I tell you,
I am innocent.
574
00:24:00,490 --> 00:24:02,117
I will prove it
at my trial.
575
00:24:02,158 --> 00:24:03,243
What trial?
576
00:24:05,829 --> 00:24:07,080
My car broke down.
577
00:24:07,122 --> 00:24:08,623
I have commandeered this truck.
578
00:24:08,665 --> 00:24:10,083
Put him in the back.
579
00:24:27,809 --> 00:24:29,728
Well, Hogan,
I got rid of him
580
00:24:29,769 --> 00:24:31,062
without your help.
581
00:24:31,062 --> 00:24:32,397
I knew I would.
582
00:24:32,439 --> 00:24:33,898
I never doubted it
for a minute, sir.
583
00:24:33,940 --> 00:24:35,817
Never forget
one thing, Hogan:
584
00:24:35,859 --> 00:24:39,028
No one gets the best
of Colonel Klink.
41110
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