All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S02E09 Tanks for the Memory_iris2.eng

Liebchen, when you kiss me,
the ground shakes.

Either you've got
it or you haven't.

But you... but you must return
to the Luft Stalag.

Colonel Hogan sent me on
a reconnaissance mission,

but I've nothing
to report...

so far.

Now what's gone wrong?

I don't know, Major.

The transmitter
was functioning.

Yeah, but obviously
not the receiver.

Good thing it wasn't loaded
with explosives.

Possibly it's the
shock of the air raid.

Some of those bombs
fell pretty close.

Sir, it is my opinion
we ought to find

a more controlled area
to continue the testing.

All right.

We're risking security,

but we'll have
to chance it.

We'll set up shop
at Stalag 13.

I'm out of gas.

Pick me up on your way back,
will you, Klaus?

Danke.

Bitte.

Eh, lovely evening.

Lovely. If I
would be in bed

instead of having
to walk around

in the middle
of the night,

it would be
lovely, but...

Newkirk?

The fence is
over there,

and you are here.

By George, you're right.

I must've taken
a wrong turn.

An attempted escape!

I have to report you.

All right,
but don't forget

to put yourself
on the report, Schultz.

Jawohl, Herr...

Report myself?

You are a sergeant
of the guard, you know.

It does not matter.

Better to be on report
than have Klink send me

to the Russian front.

I never thought
about that.

Well, I suppose
you'd better turn LeBeau in

while you're about it.

LeBeau, too?!

Yeah, he's right up there
behind the tree.

Stay where you are!

Right, Schultz.
LeBeau!

I'll get you, LeBeau!

Come out
with your hands up!

Newkirk!

I should never believe you,
Newkirk!

Newkirk!

Ooh, now, wait a minute.

LeBeau is not there,
you are not here...

The time has come
for me to say nothing!

Nothing!

LeBEAU: What took you so long!

Are you joking?

You get lost? Come
on! I'm not joking.

That's quite a mission.
You were gone 12 hours.

And two roll calls.

Reconnaissance
takes time!

I've been dodging Krauts
all day.

Some of 'em got
pretty close.

Yeah. One of 'em
even kissed you.

That's lipstick!

It sure is.

Colonel, I request

that the next
reconnaissance mission be

a double date!

She must have
a friend.

That's only fair.
What'd you find out,

besides her
phone number?

Well, there's nothing new
in the village,

but on the way back,
I really had a shocker.

Her husband
chased you?

I saw a baby tank

without a driver.

Remote control
by radio.

And they're going
to test it here.

They're not going
to test a tank here.

You're making that up.

Remote-controlled tank.

That could give the Krauts
a big edge.

Kinch, get that information
off to London. Right.

Tell them we'll get further
information as soon as possible.

Newkirk, tell us
more about it.

Come on, give.

Well, it's small
and very, very fast.

It carries one gun
and the armor is...

Not the tank,
stupid... the girl!

That is the girl.

Now the tank's an entirely
different affair.

Didn't Newkirk say

two officers
and a civilian

were working
on that tank?

Those could be the guys,
Colonel.

Let's make sure.

Is the coffee pot to
Klink's office working?

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

It's fully operational
und at your service.

Just a simple "yes"

would have been
sufficient, Kinch.

Yes, Colonel,

the final testing
for this weapon

has been hampered
by Allied air attacks

in this area.

I see. I see.

So you would like
to continue your work here,

because they never bomb
a P.O.W. camp?

That is correct,
Colonel.

Gentlemen, Stalag 13
is the toughest P.O.W. camp

in all of Germany

with the highest
efficiency rating

in our military
establishment.

It is not
a scientific laboratory.

I have signed orders
from General Burkhalter.

However, it can be turned
into a scientific laboratory

just like that.

Good old Klink.

Always ready
with a definite maybe.

Can you turn
the volume up, Kinch?

Can't go any higher.

With Schultz in there,

all that blubber
absorbs the sound.

What will you require, Major?

Does your sergeant
hold a clearance

for classified information?

I know nothing!

Sometimes I even forget
who we are fighting.

Most of the time
you're fighting me!

He's all right.

Very well.

I'll need
an isolated building

large enough
to house a small tank.

We have our own tools
and equipment.

Let me see.

Uh, uh, uh, Building 12...
Wh-what's in there, Schultz?

Herr Kommandant,
powdered milk,

eggs and cases of beer.

That's not important.

Beer is not important?

Move it somewhere.

I could store it
in my barracks.

I don't care what you do
with it!

Just get Building 12 ready
for these officers!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!

At once!

Beer is not important?

Carter, watch
the door, huh?

All right, now,
let me have your attention.

Klink is giving them
Building number 12, right here.

You'll notice our emergency
tunnel runs right past it here.

Right past it?
That's 50 feet.

Which we can dig
in no time at all.

Coming right up in the middle
of little old Building 12.

Oh, flipping digging.

This war is turning me
into a coal miner.

Wrong attitude, old chap.

You're letting the team down.

We've got a problem,
Colonel.

How do we dispose
of the dirt?

One thing at a time.

Kinch, what kind of stationery
do we have... the official stuff?

We've stolen
from every Kraut officer

that ever walked
into this camp.

Gestapo, Luftwaffe,
Quartermaster,

Army Intelligence...

Hey, you know,
if the Krauts

ever run short of stationery,
they can always ask us.

Door.

Prisoner of War
Administration blank?

- Loaded.
- Good. We're in business.

Kinch, take
a phony memo.

Right.

To commanding officers,

all P.O.W. installations,
greater Germany.

Big brain.

A right old genius,
that's what he is.

Intelligence sources reveal

that British and American P.O.W.
camps are maintained

with great efficiency
and physical attractiveness.

Not to be outdone
by the enemy,

the Prisoner of War
Administration

announces a contest...
Hey, that's great.

To find the best-kept
P.O.W. camp in Germany,

for the prize of 1,000
marks to the winner.

The Inspector General

of this bureau
to be the final judge.

Beautiful!

Uh, in case of a tie,

will duplicate prizes
be awarded?

Let's not overdo it.

Hey, how's this going to
help us with the tanker?

All in due time.

Carter, I want you
to volunteer

for the housecleaning detail
tomorrow morning.

Get into Klink's
office. Yes, sir.

Kinch, type that up with all
the official code numbers

and the rest. Right.
How do I sign it?

Oh, uh, put a general's name
on it. General...

Why not make it
General Nuisance?

Very good idea.

Sign that "General Heinrich
von Nuisance."

♪ La, la, la, la,
yellow cards ♪

♪ Bum-da-bum-bum-
bum-bum-bum ♪

♪ And there is the
white cards, and... ♪

Carter, what's doing
there on the desk?

Nothing, Schultz.

Did the big shot leave
any cigars around?

I don't think so.

Headache he
leaves around,

but never cigars.

Oh, achtung!

At ease. Carry on.

Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant.

Good morning,

Herr Kommandant.

Mach schnell!

What are you
doing, Carter?

Oh, sorry, Schultz.

You think I am a filing
cabinet, Dummkopf?

Schultz, get Colonel Hogan
in here right away.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!

I better take
him with me.

He's liable
to dust you.

Out!

- Jawohl, Herr
- Kommandant!

What did you do?

You know, that
is unhealthy.

I could catch some sickness
or something.

Colonel Hogan, I have a plan for
the beautification of Stalag 13.

Beautify Stalag
13? Why?

Why not?

This place is like
a country club now.

I can do without your sarcasm
at this hour of the morning.

According to the Geneva
Prisoner of War Convention...

I know, I know.

You are not required
to do such work,

but, uh... there is no rule
against voluntary employment.

First rule for a soldier:
never volunteer for anything.

Sometimes rewards are
given for volunteering.

Forget it.
Very well.

I don't have the
manpower for this project,

but, uh, I'll make due.

Sir?

You're not going
to have

your own men do
this job, are you?

Dismissed.

What kind of reward
did you have in mind?

Uh-huh. Second thoughts?

Second thoughts
are sometimes best.

Now, your men have been
stealing coffee

from our Red Cross packages,
and I want it stopped.

Granted.

Half hour more electricity
in the barracks every night.

Granted. Extra ration
of potatoes on Sunday.

Every other Sunday?

Granted.

We'd also like permission
to enlarge the rec hall.

What for?

Some of the fellas
are jitterbugging,

and there's not enough room.

We had two head injuries
last week.

Very well. That'll fit
into our improvement project.

We'll need some tools
to reset the foundation.

Very well. Draw the necessary
supplies and start at once.

Thanks, sir.

Colonel, when we get
the camp beautified,

don't you think
those guys in Berlin

ought to give you
some recognition?

Like an award or cash prize
of some kind?

Not a bad thought.

I'll suggest that
to the P.O.W. Administration,

very discreetly, of course.

Oh, of course,
very discreetly.

LeBEAU: Ping-pong's
a French game.

It's English.

LeBEAU: No, it's
French. All right, men,

come on, quiet down,
let me have your attention.

LeBeau, watch that door,
will you?

Look, we start digging
right away... two hour shifts.

We form a line leading
from the emergency tunnel

up through the trap
over to this window.

Carter, you and Newkirk
will handle the wheelbarrows.

You'll alternate
with Pedalski and Wilson.

I want you
to take the dirt

over to the rec hall
and pile it near the foundation.

You got that?
Affirmative, sir.

Must you be
so official?

Kinch, I want you
to start digging

around the rec hall...
Right.

So that the dirt
from the tunnel

looks like it belongs.

Get a detail to help you. Right.

LeBeau? LeBEAU: Yes, sir.

I want you to be
the security guard

outside the window.

Start working on something

so it looks like you
belong there, huh? Right.

Any questions?

I'm glad it's all clear.

Don't just stand there.

Your P.O.W. pay
is piling up in Washington.

Close the window!
Schultz!

Hey, Frenchie,
what is this?

I don't know, but as
soon as it grows up,

I'm going to eat it.
Eat it?

Oui. I will clean it,

boil it, sauté it
with some garlic.

Maybe it's poisonous.
Chopped onion.

Chopped onion?
And a dash of...

A dash of what-
what-what-what-what?

And a dash of wine to
bring out the flavor.

Mm! I hope
that it's not poisonous.

Please, save me some
when you're finished.

Okay, Schultzy.

Yes, Herr General,
he has had full cooperation.

Of course you know
our Stalag 13 efficiency.

What?

It's news to you.

Oh, you have a great sense
of humor, sir.

Yes, sir.

The Major?
Oh, he's right here.

I'll put him on.

General Burkhalter.

Heil Hitler,
Herr General.

Guten Abend.

Yes, sir, we're
doing very well.

Got all the bugs
worked out of it, we hope.

Day after tomorrow?

Yes, Herr General.
I think it's possible.

Yes.

We'll have everything
in readiness. Hmm?

Thank you, sir.
You're too kind.

Auf Wiedersehen, sir.

He's coming here
day after tomorrow

with some very high brass
for a test on the radio tank.

Major, did he tell you
to say auf Wiedersehen to me?

No, I don't
think he did.

I see.

Uh, Major?

At the end of the conversation
you forgot to say "Heil Hitler."

See, this detonator
works on contact.

Now, it only takes
a few pounds of impact

to set the bomb off.

Like, if I were to
drop it to the floor...

Hold it.
I believe you.

Oh, I wouldn't do it.

Just save it
for the tank.

Colonel, we did it.
What?

We finished
the tunnel.

Directly under
Building 12,

right on the mark.

About six feet
to go.

We can cut through
the floor tonight,

as soon as the Krauts
knock off work.

Hey, congratulations,
fellas.

To all of us. And
tonight we can go in

and finish off
that little monster.

Not tonight,
Josephine.

You fellas
aren't aware of it,

but the civilian Kraut
sleeps in there.

Well, if not at night,
when, sir?

Lunch hour, tomorrow.

The three Krauts go
to the Officers Mess,

then they take
a little snooze.

We'll have
about two hours in all.

Is two hours enough?

That's all we've got.

Kinch, Newkirk
and I will take pictures

of the tank
and the controls.

LeBeau, you be the lookout
at the window.

When do we
plant this?

Soon as we're through
with the pictures.

You wait in the tunnel.

Now, just a minute, sir.

What's the procedure
if something goes wrong

and the Krauts surprise us
in there?

There's one
in every crowd.

Geronimo!

Geronimo!

All right, let's move out.

Watch the window.

Newkirk, take...

Colonel.

Control box.

Receives its impulse
from the transmitter.

We'll have to open it up.

Ah, that's going to
mean taking it out.

Right. Hurry it up.

Krauts!

Burkhalter
and a couple of generals.

It's lousy with Krauts there.

It's not too healthy
in here, either.

All right, easy,
everybody.

LeBeau,
what are they doing?

Looking over here... talking.

Probably means
they're going to test it.

Kinch, wire
the control box back in.

You kidding?
There's no time.

They're coming this way!

All right, both of you,
back in the tunnel,

and take the control box
with you.

Take it with us?
Fast!

Wait, LeBeau.
What?

Did you ever drive a tank?

Well, once... Good,
glad you're experienced.

Get in.

You're just
the right size.

Get in there!

Look... that
thing steers it.

The rest you can
figure out as you go.

But, Colonel, I...!
Drive carefully.

The lives you save
may be our own.

Now, Colonel?

I thought I told you
to wait in the tunnel.

Hmm.

Here it is, Generals.

Small but deadly.

Small but deadly.

Is it ready to be tested?

All we need to roll it
out of here is 20 minutes.

That's what I would
estimate: about 20 minutes.

Thank you, Klink.

Gentlemen, I cannot
stress enough

the importance
of this weapon.

If it works,
you can easily imagine

how such a radio-controlled tank
will improve our efficiency

in certain combat situations.

Definitely,
definitely.

This project has been underway
for more than a year,

and I can tell you
that the Fuhrer himself

is anxiously awaiting
the report of today's tests.

But we won't
disappoint him,

will we, Herr General?

No, but I may disappoint you
to the Russian front

if you don't shut up.

Whenever you are ready,
we are.

Can we be ready
in 20 minutes?

Of course, Major.

Get some guards and help us
roll it out of here.

Check the antenna.

Colonel.

Hogan, what are
you doing here?

You know that
our prisoners

were confined
to the barracks.

I told him,
Herr Kommandant!

But I was just
wondering...

Just one moment.

I see no reason
why Colonel Hogan

shouldn't watch a demonstration
of German efficiency.

B-B-But this is
classified, Herr General.

He isn't going anywhere
with the information, is he?

Of course not. Uh...

No one has ever
escaped from Stalag 13.

So you have told me.

Yes, sir.

And told me.

And told me.

Yes, Herr Kommandant,
I remember.

Schultz!

Start the engine.

Did he say,
"Start the engine"?

Proceed straight ahead.

Did he say "proceed
straight ahead"?

Circle to the right.

Imagine that,
circle to the right!

And now circle
to the left.

That's marvelous.

It even circles to the left!

I said
it's marvelous!

Even circles
to the left!

I heard you!

Stop it.
Stop it.

Did you say something
to me, sir?

I did not.

Oh, oh, I thought
you said "stop!"

So far,
very good, Major.

Very good. Thank you, sir.

Now I would like to see
if it is capable

of maneuvering
in a limited area.

We'll try, sir.

Uh, sir,
may I suggest

running it
between the barracks?

That is
a limited space.

Excellent suggestion,
Hogan.

Good, good. Excellent, mm-hmm.

Major, carry on.

Proceed between
the buildings.

Imagine that.
Between the buildings!

It's attacking!

Well, fellas...

think it's back
to the old drawing board.

The pictures
of the tank

came out fine,
Colonel.

Good.

Control box
and negatives

on the way
to England, sir.

Underground's
handling it.

Mission
accomplished.

Hogan!

Achtung!

Well, Schultz
isn't here, sir.

I just spoke
to General Burkhalter.

He accuses me of negligence
because his car was destroyed.

That's terrible.

And he's demanding
that I pay for it.

What a shame.

Now, you and your men
will work around the clock

beautifying Stalag 13.

How's that going
to help you?

I intend to win
that prize.

I'm not going to pay
for that car

out of my own pocket.

I don't have
that kind of money.

Okay, fellas,
back to work.

Be most happy
to help you

out of a jam,
Colonel.

Thank you for your
cooperation, Hogan.

Dismissed.

We have to go on working?

Well, that's great.

Only until Kinch types
the letter.

What letter?

From the Prisoner of War
Administration

canceling the contest.