All language subtitles for Harley Quinn S05E02 - Back to School (Awafim.tv)

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- Keep 'em closed. No peeking!
- Okay, okay.

- [Harley] Ta-da!
- [gasps]

- Wow! You did all of this?
- [exclaims]

[Harley] Well, me and a handful
of bitchy decorators

that Lena introduced me to.

[gasps] It's so pristine.

[Harley gasps] You like it?

Oh, my God! Are you kidding?

Do you know how horny I get
for a clean, shiny surface?

[gasps]
And this farmhouse sink?

No more washing baking trays
in the tub, am I right?

And...

- I got you a little
housewarming gift.
- [gasps]

You got coasters
with our faces on them?

So we never stain
in the overpriced coffee table.

I have never been
more in love with you

than I am right now.

[both moan]

Now, how about we open up
a bottle of wine,

put glasses
on those sexy coasters,

and have sex on every inch
of this place?

[both moaning]

- [doorbell rings]
- No one's home!

- [doorbell ringing]
- Ugh, damn it!

Ugh, I swear to God,
I'm gonna kill--

[gasps]

King Shark!
What are you doing here?

Oh, you know me, girl.

Just cultivating
an attitude of gratitude.

[Poison Ivy clears throat]

On second thought,
you know what?
Tell me tomorrow.

Ives and I were just
about to get it on,

and we've got about 30 seconds
before the river runs dry.

Oh, speaking of, I have a date

with a lady shark friend,
and... [chuckles]

Hang on.
Did you come all the way

to Metropolis just for a date?

Wow. Must be
a serious piece of tail.

No! I mean, yes, but, no!

I actually moved here
for these little miracles.

- [indistinct screaming]
- The property taxes are murder,

but it's worth it
for the schools.

They have
a Dutch Immersion program!

- [munching]
- Hey, hey, little shit!
Stop it.

[laughs] Can't stop myself!

Oh, pretty soon, he'll be able
to say that in Dutch.

What's Dutch for,
"What the fuck, we just spent
a fortune on this place"?

You have a tranquilizer gun
for that one, or what?

[King Shark]
I know, he's a finful.

Anyway, I'll be back
to pick 'em up later tonight.

Whoa! We are not babysitting.

Hey,
it's not called babysitting

when you're their godmothers.

And since every nanny has quit
or filed a restraining order,

you two are my last resort.

Yeah, I can't promise
they'll be alive
when you come back.

More likely they'll kill you
before you kill them,

unless they eat peanuts.

If they have peanuts,
they will die.

Are there nuts in this house?

I mean, besides you two,
of course. [laughs]

Have fun now!

Yeah, well, I'm gonna give them
lots of peanuts!

[King Shark] No, you won't,
Auntie Harley!

- [glass shatters]
- Oh, damn it.
What are we gonna do?

Uh... I don't know
what you're gonna do,

but I'm going to go meet Lena
at the university.

What? You're leaving me
with these creatures?

Hell, yeah, I am.
You're gonna do great.

I love you. Bye.

- [groans]
- [thuds]

[theme music playing]

Girl, you are gonna love
the dean.

You mean he's gonna love me?

[both laugh]

Oh, you are so bad.

I can't wait
till you two smarties
put your heads together.

You are gonna transform
the Green Initiative project

and turn Metropolis
into a paradise!

Uh, what'd you say
his name was again?

This is Doctor--

Hi, Doctor Wood...

Pamela?

J... Jason.

You two already know
each other?

[suspenseful music playing]

[grunting]

I... I gotta go.

I'll take care of this.

Ivy, what the hell was that?

Um, sometimes when
I get nervous, the vines...

I don't give a shit
about the vines.

I went out of my way
to arrange this meeting today.

You can't just storm off
like that.

You're right, and I'm sorry.

I just...
I can't do this, so...

Hey, look at me.

Now, I don't know what happened
between you and Doctor Woodrue,

but this is
a big opportunity, Ivy.

So you need to shake this off
and get your act together.

Uh, it's just that Jason
and I have, like,

really complicated history,
and...

It's like my grandmother
always said,

you can't change the past--

No, I know that, but--

She also said
you should smack people
who interrupt you!

The point is, sweetie,
you need to move forward.

You're a different person now.

- [sharks laughing]
- [objects crashing]

Hey, hey, hey!

Who wants to watch videos
on a cool new phone?

[all yelling]

[Shaun] This isn't a phone.
This is a coaster

- with two old ladies on it.
- What?

[Shaun] Hey,
you can't keep us in here!

Dear God, I don't know
if you're listening,

or even if I believe in you,

or if you'd even help me
considering

I once rubbed it
to Mother Teresa.

But listen, I was wondering
if you could maybe

give me a hand just this once.

- [cell phone buzzing]
- [gasps] God?

Aw, you flatter me.

Anyway, I just finished up
with your other half,

and I wanted
to check in on you.

Oh, I'm doing okay,

you know, just babysitting
some delightful little sharks.

Stop eating the condo,
you fuckers!

I'm sorry. You know
how parenting can be.

Actually, I don't,
but it sounds

like you have your hands full.

Ooh, I have a great idea.
Bring them to the club.

I'm on my way there now,

and there's
a kid's birthday party there.

It's fairy tale themed.

Like, with castles
and fairy godmothers

who give away presents?

Jesus Christ!

You're gonna get splinters
in your asshole.

And not from the door!

And a real life princess.

[gasps] Who!

Well, you know,
you can always get Pippa.

Princess Pippa? I love her!

- [objects clattering]
- [growls]

As they say
in merry old England...

[in British accent]
We'll be there in a jippee.

Yeah, they don't say that.

And if they did, they certainly
wouldn't say it like that.

See you soon.

- Someone's toof fell off
in my butt!
- Ugh.

[inhales sharply]

Now, what daring student

wants to take a crack
at answering my question?

Now, what daring student

wants to take a crack
at answering my question?

Pamela, any thoughts
on the structural differences

between the plant
and human cell?

Just that
we're wasting our time
examining the differences.

- [laughs] Yeah.
- Ooh.

I mean,
what we should be looking at
are the similarities.

Looking at mitochondria or even
the splicing of the RNA.

I mean, it doesn't make sense
to look at the differences

when they're more alike
than anything else.

[bell ringing]

Pamela, please come see me.

Do you have to be
so impossible?

I'm not impossible.
I'm just right.

Hmm. What am I gonna do
with you?

I mean, I have some ideas.

[both moan]

Stop. Stop.

Someone might see us.

- So what?
- So what?

I could lose my grant.

I'm already on thin ice
with these guys.

Oh, come on. Everyone knows
how brilliant you are.

Yeah, right.
All they see is a guy
who's been here for years

and hasn't come up
with a single original idea.

Well, I have one.

And it involves me
waving you around third,

right into fourth base.

[laughs] Not a sports fan,
are you?

How about we go
someplace more private?

I think the lab is empty.

[bell rings]

- [Poison Ivy] Dr. Woodrue.
- You came back.

Well, I figured
if we have to work together--

Look, I know you must really
hate me after how things ended.

Look... [sighs] I admit
I was startled when I saw you.

But like my grandmother
always says,

there's nothing you can do
about the past.

Really? Oh, my God.
This is such a relief.

So how about
we just start fresh

and we focus on what's ahead?

[laughs]

How about I take you
on a tour of the campus?

Great.
Let's start with the lab.

The lab?

Aren't you full of surprises?

Oh, you have no idea.

Okay, guys,
this is one of those fancy ass,

rich ass, stick up your ass
type places.

So when we get inside,
stay quiet, don't fuck shit up.

And most importantly,
don't bother me.

[children chattering, laughing]

[sharks cheering]

[Harley gasping]

[screams in awe]

Ah, this is incredible.

- [gasps] Money really
does buy happiness.
- [cell phone beeping]

[Poison Ivy] Yeah, this is Ivy.
Why are you calling?

Grow up and text me.

Ives, you've got to come
to this place.

It's called
the Vincent Edge Club.

I came to dump
the little sharks

because God knows
I'm not going
to a kid's birthday party.

But this place
is fucking magical!

They've got castles
and tiny ponies and...

[gasps] Holy shit,
it's Princess Pippa!

Wait a minute,
you're not Pippa.

What the fuck did you do
with the real Pippa?

Yeah, the fuck you do
with the real Pippa?

You got a big mouth for such
a shitty little shrimp.

Hey, I'm a shark,
not a shrimp, right?

I thought I told you
to go away.

I don't want to.
I want to have fun with you.

But don't you see, little one,

what's fun for you
isn't very fun for me.

So... what do you think?

It's so beautiful,
I never want to leave.

Thank you for inviting me.
Oh, my God.

Oh, that's what
friends are for.

And what do you think,
little fella?

Want to see my two penises?

[laughing, farts]

I'm so sorry, we normally
keep him in his fish tank.

Oh, please.
I can give you a list

of my favorite meds for kids.

- And if you take two,
they're also for adults.
- [cell phone dings]

Ugh, Humpty Dumpty
just fell off the wagon.

I gotta go find a new egg.
Excuse me.

Hey, Harley!

Bane! What are you guys
doing here?

Well, we live here now.

The property taxes are murder,

but it's worth it
for the schools.

Let me guess,
the Dutch Immersion program?

That's right.

Goldi, say hello
to Harley in Dutch.

[in Dutch] Hallo!

- Wow.
- Mmm-hmm. I know, right?

So did you guys
like formally adopt her or...

Well, you know
how it is in these

"kids escape from
a fairytale book" situations.

They are fictional,
can't take care of themselves,

but the paperwork is easy.

And before you know it,
you've adopted them,

bought a house in Metropolis

and are throwing them
a fairy tale themed
birthday party.

Oh, this is your birthday!

Do you like my princess dress?
I think it's just right.

- [gasps]
- Shaun!

You ruined my dress!

- [crying]
- [laughs]

Can't stop myself.
Watch me run!

He's a little hyper.
He's just gotta run it out.

Oh, he's fine.

It's nice to have

a little youthful energy
here at the club.

Ooh, Harley, you should join.

Honey, it's not like
she could just join.

Why the hell not?
What's wrong with me?

Nothing. It's just
you have to be approved

and they're very selective.

Which is why I want in.
I only want to be

in the kind of club that
wouldn't have me as a member.

And this place is perfect.
Who do I have to talk to?

Well,
it's the Vincent Edge Club.

So you'll have to talk
to Vincent.

How many times have I told you

not to leave scratch marks
on my tile?

Now get out of my club!
Sans walker! Give me that.

Oh, no. Oh! I'm all right.

That guy?

[old lady] Oh, no, I'm not.

Piece of cake. I'll have him
charmed in no time.

Wow, you did all of this?

[Jason] Yeah, the Luthor grants
have been pretty generous.

I mean, they must
really believe in you.

I have not been in a lab
in a long time.

I hate that I have to go
so soon.

So don't.

Oh, it's already 20 after!

Maybe your watch is wrong.

This watch is never wrong.

So it's like me? [laughs]

No, you're much prettier,
which says a lot

- because this is
a damn nice watch.
- [laughs]

Mmm. Come on,
I want to show you something.

I haven't shown this
to anyone yet.

[device beeping]

A plant?

You're not very observant
for a professor.

Hey, Frank, wake up.

Oh, shit.

- Meet Frank.
He's part plant, part human.
- [yawns]

Holy fuck. That's amazing.

[mimics Jason]
Holy fuck. Holy fuck.

Holy fuck! [laughs]
How did you do this?

Um, so I've been infusing
the soil with the special serum

that combines plant
and human DNA.

He's cute, huh?

- [Jason] He just looks
so fragile. Ow!
- [growls]

[laughs]

He's actually tougher
than he looks.

He can defend himself.

And plus, he's naturally
impervious to pesticides

and most poisons.

This is brilliant!

I mean, this thing
is going to change the world.

You know, he's not a thing.
He's... He's Frank.

Do you really think so?
I mean, I think so.

But, of course, I'm biased
because I made him.

And I'm hoping he'll grow
into his name.

So many great Franks
out there...

Do you know
what this could do for me?

What? For you?

This secures my grant.

[laughs] Hell, this secures
every grant I could ever want.

I... I could be a billionaire.

But I'm the one who made him.

Okay, you stay right here

while I go find this guy.
You got it?

Got it.

Thought I told you to stay
under the painting.

I did. Now I'm here.

- Want to smell under my fin?
- No!

- My feet? My butt?
- No!

No, I told you
to stay! Back! Here!

[screams] She's killing me!

I don't want to!
[continues screaming]

Listen, you dumb minion
of a shark.

If you fuck this up for me,

you will find
the other end of my bat

so far up your blowhole...

- And now he's crying.
Why are you crying?
- [crying]

I don't have a blowhole!

[crying]

God damn it, Shaun!

That's not fair. You can't just
steal him from me.

I'm not stealing
anything from you.

He's my property. You made this
under my tutelage.

And if you're worried
about money,
I'll take care of you--

[Poison Ivy] I don't give
a fuck about money.

I want you to tell everyone
this is my work.

Well, I'm... [chuckles]
I'm not going to do that.

If you won't, I will.

Oh, come on!

And you think they'll believe
you over me?

You're just a student.

Will you lower your voice?
You're scaring him.

Frank, it's okay.
Don't let him scare you.

We're gonna leave now.

You're not going anywhere
with that.

- [grunts]
- No!

[crying]

[both grunting]

- Ah!
- [grunts]

- [glass shatters]
- [thuds]

[Frank whimpers]

- [grunts]
- [Frank screams]

[Jason grunts]

[Poison Ivy]
What are you doing?

Unlock the door,
we'll die in here!

Well, the plant won't.
It's poison proof.

Remember?

Jason! Jason, unlock the door!
[coughs]

Unlock the door!

[coughing] Don't worry.

None of this
can hurt you, Frank.

Okay? You're safe.

I got you.
You're going to be okay.

[coughs]

Maybe I will be, too.

[whimpering]

[grunts]

[groans]

[screams]

[glass cracking]

Shaun, you get back here
right now!

Listen, I'll give you
all the peanuts you want!

[Shaun] Daddy said no peanuts!

I'll give you
whatever you want.

Just come back here. [screams]

[grunts]

Holy shit, you're Vincent Edge!

I was just looking for you!

Harley Quinn.
And I'd like to be a member.

Huge fan of your club.
Love how selective it is.

Also, saw what you did
with that old lady's walker.

Ah, mwah, chef's kiss.

Anyhoo, do you have,
like, an on-site masseuse?

'Cause beating people up
wreaks havoc on my back.

If you don't,
you definitely should.

That's what's great about me.

I'm really good
at telling people about stuff

that they need,
that they don't have!

Oh, and those sharks
I came in with?

Yeah, they're my godkids.

You should meet them.
They're absolutely adorbs!

[old lady] Shark attack!

- [indistinct screaming]
- [alarm blaring]

- [Shaun] Can't stop myself!
- [alarm blaring]

Goddammit, Shaun!

If you'll excuse me
for just one second.

[grunts]

Hmm.

- [creaking]
- Oh, shit.

Oh, what's the matter, Jason?

What, you don't like
to have fun anymore?

- [grunting]
- [glass shatters]

Look, look, look!
Whatever you think

I did to you back in the day...

Oh, you mean
how you trapped me,

- left me to die?
- Please!

Too bad it didn't work out
that way, did it? [grunts]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
Pamela. Calm down.

Calm down? Calm down, Pamela!

Because of you,
people said I was a villain,

that I was incompetent,

that I fucked up
my own experiment

and almost killed myself
in the process!

And I tried
to tell them the truth,

but you know what?
You were right.

Why would they believe me

over the brilliant
Professor Woodrue?

I trusted you.

I looked up to you.

I loved you!

I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry!

I shouldn't have done
what I did, but...

[stammers]

Look at you now.
Look at how powerful you are.

You... You built
a great life in Gotham.

You kept it tight.

- You, you, you--
- Shut up!

None of that happened
because of you.

It happened in spite of you.

You're right. You were always
smarter than me.

I mean,
I couldn't keep up with you,

and that's why
I did what I did,

which is not an excuse.

Unless you're okay
with it being an excuse.

Okay, okay, okay! Okay, okay.

I can see that you're not okay.

I just ask that you find it
in your heart to forgive me.

I'm a flawed guy.
I'm not perfect.

Please,
please give me a chance.

- Okay.
- Okay, which part?

- I'll give you a chance.
- Really?

Oh... Oh, I...

I knew you'd find it
in your heart to forgive me.

You'll have the same chance
you gave me.

[gasps]

What are you...
What are you doing?

- Mmm. You smell that?
- Wait, wait, wait.

- Ooh, this is a good batch.
- What are you doing?

- Hints of ricin, cyanide,
and sweet, sweet revenge.
- No, no, no.

Pamela! Pamela! Pamela! Please!

It's Poison Ivy now.

- [screams]
- [sizzling]

I killed you, motherfucker!

[clears throat]

- Hello there, nice shoes.
Look at that top.
- [cell phone buzzes]

Shit! Harley!

[Harley] You gotta get here!
This is the greatest place

I've ever been to!

They have mini corn dogs
and mini horses.

And mini corndogs
dressed as horses!

I love you! I love metropolis!

I've never been this happy
in my whole life!

- [cell phone beeps]
- Ah, fuck.

[crying]

[indistinct yelling]

[man] Shark! Shark!

[sharks] Feeding frenzy!
Feeding frenzy!

What the hell's going on?

That shark ate my waving arm!

I'll never wave again!

What the fuck, Shaun?
Her waving arm?

Harley, in his defense,
she had it coming.

I mean, the last guy
who called me a shrimp,

I broke his back!

Oh. Then I guess
she did have it coming.

And the rest of you,
get out and dry off!

[groans]

Animal control! Freeze!

[all groan]

Nobody hurts my godsharks!

- [grunts]
- [Harley grunts]

Oh, I see
parenting day is going well.

[grunts]

Oh, you got my message!

I was just about
to call you again.

Isn't this place great?
So how was your day at school?

Ah, you know,
same old, same old.

- So, wait... Ooh,
that guy's still conscious.
- Oh, thanks.

- [Harley] Eat noodles, bitch!
- [grunting]

Come on, give me deets.

What in the Christian Hell
is this?

Okay, okay, okay.
I know what you're gonna say.

You're not invited to my club

because your kids dismembered
one of the guests.

Blah, blah, blah. And I admit,
maybe my godsharks

aren't perfect little angels
for your perfect little club.

Maybe one of them
did in fact bite the arm

- off fake fucking Pippa
over there!
- [Pippa impersonator crying]

Stop crying
about your waving arm!

You still have your crown
and your fake tits, Pippa!

Ooh, good one, Harls.

And I'm sure you want me
to beg and plead

for you to let me
into your stupid club.

Oh, Mr. Vincent,
I'm so sorry we destroyed

- your stupid little
fairy tale party.
- [growls]

[babbles]

Yes, you are on fire, Harls.
Keep it going.

Well, I have two words
for you, Vincent.

And they're not
"happy birthday,"

and they're not
"use sunscreen,"
And they're not--

- Wrap it up, babe.
- Gotcha.

They are "fuck you, Vincent!"

- That is three words.
- Shh.

You and your
disgusting children,

- especially that one--
- [Shaun] Hey!

Would make terrific members.

I think she's exactly
what we need.

Lena, you can't be serious.

Look at what she's done
to my natatorium!

Oh, you mean
the Lena Luthor natatorium,

directly adjacent
to the Lena Luthor Spa
and Caldarium.

But the way she spoke to me--

Is refreshing.

Seeing someone stand up
to the big boss,

we could really use
a little of that around here.

Don't you agree, Vince?

Yes...

Oh, I did not see that coming.

You know, I think Lena might be

one of the nicest people
we've ever met.

That's just because we don't
know a lot of nice people.

Oh, come on. Admit it.
You like her.

Fine. She has helped us out.

See? By the way,
you never told me
about your day!

Oh, you know what?
Not so much to tell.

It's like academia stuff.
It's like, bleh.

That's all you got for me, bleh?

No, actually. I also have this.

[Harley] Oh!

- And this.
- Oh!

And...

Oh!

Go, go. Get out of here!

[Poison Ivy] Wait,
did you say something?

Yeah, I said keep going.

Okay, I will!

Can't stop myself!

- Okay, so is this
what it's like to have kids?
- [objects clattering]

You just, like, never get
to have sex again?

Okay, stay here.
I'm gonna kill him.

You know you're gonna miss him

once King Shark realizes
he's gone, right?

Me? Please.

That better not be a peanut
in your mouth!

[sharks laughing]

[hissing]

[growling]

[theme music playing]

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