Original subtitles

Hey, if you can climb that well,

forget about vetenary, you should try to be a thief.

Fancy meeting you here!

Do you have a mobile phone?

Yes. Why?

I've got to call the police about a peeping tom.

Wait. Let me explain first.

I've asked Sharon out dozen of times,

but she keeps turning me down.

I don't want to give up on her.

You really love Sharon that much?

As a matter of fact: YES!

What a nice place you have here!

I took it over after my friend left the country.

You're quite a generous guy, always helping your friends.

- I'll patch up your wound later. - Okay.

Young fellow,

You call me?

Are you a man or a dog?

I'm a dog.

Devil!

Devil monster!

Call the police! Dial 999!

His name is Fook.

He has AIDS, so...

Are you going to look down on me, young fellow?

Of course not! Fook!

I'm here for you. Be strong!

Thank you!

What's up?

All the dogs here are sick.

Who will buy them?

No one.

So how come you still care for them?

Not my choice.

People leave them,

but I can't bring myself to do it.

So, I keep them.

Easy. You're an honest guy,

a professional and good-hearted,

so Sharon will be safe with you.

So how can you help me?

First of all, you have to change your 'Look'.

That doesn't really matter though.

I'll tell you a secret.

Sharon loves romantic poems.

If you write one a day...

She'll fall for you.

I don't think so.

I can write prescription, but not poetry.

- Let me help you then. - Really?

But, I'm kind of illiterate.

For real? How can you help me, then?

I'm serious. I'll dictate, you write.

Okay.

For the first letter, be as sentimental as possible.

Start off with 'Honey'.

Wow, you say you're illiterate, but you know English.

Fine. Write 'bitch' then.

Fai, please, let's be serious.

Honey...

A night without you

A night without star

I'll move the world

To be where you are

Sick bag, please.

Peasant!

You don't appreciate this.

So few guys can write poetry these days!

I think he copied it.

See, how bad it is.

So, he must wrote it himself.

In fact, men fall into two categories:

The lovesick

and the wolves and dogs.

So, which is he?

I'll leave the wolves and dogs for you.

I don't take just anyone.

It depends on

whether they are able to press the right buttons.

Don't' care how perverted they are.

Here comes the wolf.

- Come on in. - Thanks.

These flowers are so nice. Who are they from?

None of your business.

It must be the four-eyed vet.

He seems gentle,

handsome and smart.

Maybe you should give him a chance.

Don't be so nosy!

Let me introduce, Cathy.

This is Fai, the prop guy.

Cathy, long time no see.

How are you?

How are those breast enlargement pills working?

Doesn't seem very efficient.

I heard that those are not for you to eat.

You have to rub it on your breast

and it works if it turns purple.

- Do it three times a day. - Who the hell are you?

Do you two know each other?

Well, sorry for being so forward.

I'm like that when I meet new people.

Sorry, Cathy.

Cathy, right? Cathy.

No problem.

I'm kind of aggressive.

If anyone pretends to be intimate, I'll slap him!

Fai, you said there was some problem with the blueprints?

Right. Fatty said...

the budget won't stretch to buy four panels.

Can we buy three instead?

Really? I have to discuss it with the director.

I'll get the wallpaper samples for you.

Okay.

Cathy

I'm sorry I was so rude.

I'm really too direct sometimes...

Why would I mind?

I don't know you.

You might be a gangster and rape me!

You wench!

I'll see if I can get you in heat!

Sorry.

Sorry.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Does that feel good?

Are we getting closer now?

Can we be friends now?

Oh, definitely!

Faster?

Yes!

How's that?

Hey, my flowers!

Come on, Sharon. Have a drink.

Your friend is so much fun!

You scolded him before, and now you're best friends?

Sharon, why didn't you give me wine before?

Cheers!

I didn't give you wine? You must be drunk!

Here, I'll give you a refill!

So, I guess we're not having a meeting tonight!

No! No meetings!

No meeting! Just party!

I won't bother you, then!

So what do we do now?

Dance!

Dance!

I can't stand it!

Neither can I! Hurry!

I can't stand it!

I can't stand your body odo!

Don't come any closer, I really can't stand it!

What? I smell fine!

Stop playing!

Wait!

Are you for real?

I really can't take it.

Well, let me take a bath first.

No, please!

I don't need to?

No.

I think...

We can't do it.

What do you mean?

You're the one who led me on!

How can you do that to me?

You've got the wrong idea.

I'm sorry.

Okay, if not tonight,

how about tomorrow?

Tomorrow night?

I don't think so.

Go to hell!

I don't want to see you again, you pervert!

What? He turned you down?

Unbelievable, isn't it?

I've never been rejected before!

Damn it!

Perhaps not every guy is so straight forward!

I think...

He must be gay!

Any guy who rejects you must be gay.

Right. Next time I'll give him a 'Viagra'

to turn him straight!

Fine.

What' fine about that?

At least it shows he's not a playboy.

So I'll leave him to you, then.

What? You did it with Cathy?

No, I said 'almost'.

We didn't do anything!

I'm envy you. You can do it with humans.

To be honest, it didn't turn me on all.

I can't stand their smell.

I really can't take it.

Don't forget you're a human now. Not a dog.

I'm still confused with...

whether I'm a dog or a man.

Everybody! Right now, we're going to visit the 'Old Palace',

go shopping after lunch

and go back to Hong Kong afterwards.

Please follow me, everyone!

I'll follow the tour, then!

Hey, this sounds good. Let's copy it.

Copy? How can we?

But when will you be finished?

How can I tell? Give me time, man.

I'm so tired.

If you think of any more, record it.

I have to sleep.

Fai, are you free for dinner?

Dinner? Okay, no problem.

Can we have steak? I want it.

Yes, but I'm not cooking it this time.

I'm meeting Albert.

Actually, he's been trying to date me for a while.

But, if I date him alone.

I'll feel embarrassed.

If you're with me, you can be my chaperone.

Okay.

You have to wait while I change,

- then I'll give you a lift. - Okay.

You change too.

Fai, time for our meeting.

What kind of meeting?

It's payday. We always have a 'meeting' with some girls!

We're going for hookers, right?

Hey, can't you put it more politely?

Sorry, I have to go.

I think Albert will be fine, if you give him a chance.

Can't you go with them tomorrow night?

No way. These are my buddies, right?

And I have to go.

Can't you wait one day?

Of couse not, I'm in the mood!

I really should go with them.

Tomorrow night is my treat.

Really?

Two girls at one time, okay?

- Yes! - Two girls?

Come on! We're waiting for you!

How about next time?

Three girls?

Come on! Take off your clothes! Handsome!

I'm not used to this game!

What's wrong with you? You're always the wildest one!

Handsome, don't be shy!

Come on, let's play!

Are you a real man?

Of couse, I'm a man! I can play anything you want!

Now, I have to punish you!

Punish me? As k me to act like a dog, I can do it.

Not like that. I want you to drink for me.

Cheers!

Yes! Bottoms up!

- Some more! - What else?

Guess where I come from?

You smell here

You smell fishy, are you from Lamma Island?

Not Lamma Island, but Hainan Island.

They're both islands.

How about me?

You?

You smell milky. Are you from Da Lian?

You're so great! How can you tell?

You need to check if you're lactating.

How about me?

- Where do I come from? - You?

You smell so spicy, you must be from Szechuan.

Wow! You're so amazing!

You're so great, you should be in 'Who wants to be A Millionaire'!

How about me?

You?

You smell of alcohol

You must be from Tsingtao.

After the cat had the operation, she is scared of dogs!

How do you mean?

I mean she went back to being her real self

and finds the meaning of being a cat.

There was another case of a mouse

who wasn't scared of cats...

Excuse me.

Do you want to order some dessert?

Yes. Do you have Tiramisu?

- Yes. Yes. - Two orders, please.

Hold on.

Do you like...

- I think... - Okay.

How come you know so much?

You brought me to my favourite restaurant.

You know what kind of red wine I like,

even the year.

And my favourite dessert.

Who told you all this?

Lucky guess?

Is it Sandy?

Yes! It's her!

I hate people being dishonest. What else did she tell you?

She said you'd make someone a good wife.

That's what she said.

What?

She asked me to pursue you, and ask you to marry me.

Actually, I'm also good husband material.

You don't need to be so honest.

Where are you going, baby?

I want to go to the...

The bathroom?

This way!

Don't, please!

No, no, no!

Why?

I'm...

I'm sick!

I don't feel well!

I don't believe you. Let me see!

No, leave me alone!

Hey, how come there's no reaction?

Because when I smell your spicy odo, I feel sick!

Don't waste my time!

I don't smell spicy.

You idiot! You're not a real man!

Don't waste my time!

I've got to look for another man.

Hello, Fai.

I just finished dessert with Sharon.

What do I do next?

How about going to Kowloon Tong for love hotel?

I don't mean that.

How do I know? Ask her!

There's more. Have you finished tomorrow's poem?

Are you taking the piss? Do I owe you or something?

Stop it! You're a pig!

Just liked you.

Have you made a reservation?

You didn't have one.

Let's go, then.

Hey, you've got to pay the bill.

Bill? We didn't order anything.

Here's the bill,

we have to pay, but...

What a coincidence!

I wanted to call you last week.

Cut the crap.

We have to go location hunting tomorrow. Be on time.

What? No reaction?

I don't know!

As soon as I smell that human odo,

I feel sick.

I don't know how to help. I need to sleep.

Tell me what to do, please!

Well, you could go and try doing it with a female dog.

And get myself locked up?

Okay, don't cry.

No need. It's not such a big deal.

It's not my business who he dates.

No...

Don't cry...

Who are you?

- Here's your tea. - Thanks.

You still haven't told me why you suddenly turned up here?

I thought you were going to...

that meeting'...

Please don't remind me.

Why? Unhappy?

Weren't the girls pretty?

Didn't they serve you well?

Too well!

I don't want to go there any more.

When I went there...

I met...

my first true love...

it's better not to meet...

Exactly!

If it's gone, just let it go.

No need to meet them again.

Well, I have to be polite, just say 'Hi'.

I don't' care who he's with now.

What's wrong?

Where are you going?

Hey, get off my bed!

I'm really scared of thunder!

Get out! I just asked you to come in out of the rain. That's it!

Just for tonight.

What do you want?

Please, I just don't want to be alone!

Please!

I won't do anything to you. Just sleeping.

Only sleeping!?

Well, that's okay then.

Let me bring you a towel.

That quick!

Dry your hair first.

Tarzan! Tarzan...

Can't you see I'm sunbathing?

I had a reaction this morning when I woke up!

Really?

If you don't believe, I'll show you!

Don't be so disgusting!

I feel liked myself again!

Tell me, where did you sleep last night?

In Sharon's bed.

I got it. You only have a reaction to Sharon's scent,

only her odor turns you on.

Really?

Right? You really love Sharon!

Damn.

What? How come there's still no reaction?

Come on! Wake up! Brother!

I don't know whether I'm in love with Sharon!

Are you at home?

Yes.

Your snoring was so loud last night,

I even heard it from the sofa downstairs.

Sorry.

Oh, yes. The director has confirmed the setting.

I'll meet you after the location hunting

to talk about the details, okay?

No! Please don't!

Why?

Sorry, I forgot to tell you.

I got another big project.

I don't think I can work for you anymore.

How come? You promised me first!

And suddenly...

Anyway, I can't help you.

I'm in a hurry. See you!

Hey, are you still angry with me?

Yes, isn't that allowed?

I won't see him anymore.

What? Bored already? Just one night?

No. I learned from you.

I want someone steady.

Steady?

You mean for a week or a month?

No, the kind when...

I miss him when he's not there,

feel warm when I hug him

and also understands me deeply

I still haven't found him!

At this moment,

Fai finally visits the treasure of the Motherland.

Where is his next destination?

Will he start a new story in another trip?

Didn't your vet poet call you?

Yes, he calls me three times a day,

and calls me all the time.

He's lovesick, more trouble than he's worth.

But, all he talks about is mouse constipation,

elephant's giving birth...

and I'm afraid he'll even tell me about dinosaur resurrection.

Ask him to shut up and write instead.

He's so nice, though. He wrote these poems.

And his writing is getting better.

Cathy

have you ever met a guy that

even you don't know him so long,

you always feel happy to see him,

feel comfortable when you're with him,

and warm when you hug him?

Yes.

This French guy calls me every time he comes to Hong Kong.

Is it okay just to hug him?

Of course not! Crazy all night long!

Please don't be so choosy.

The more you demand, the longer you'll wait.

Give someone a discount.

Is it beautiful?

If I use this to propose to Sharon,

will she accept?

Propose?

Isn't it a bit soon?

I don't think so.

But I still need your help.

I don't know how to propose.

Can you help me to think about it?

You dummy!

Do I have to teach you everything?

Come on, my saviour!

This is the last step!

If you really love Sharon,

you should say it directly.

You should... be honest, tell her everything.

From the bottom of your heart,

Even if you're handicapped,

or illiterate,

If you love her,

she can feel it

Wow, that's really touching.

Say all that again.

What did you say about handicap?

It's my turn again.

Hi, Fatty!

You guys don't have to work today?

How can we work

after you lowered our salary.

Me? I never did that!

- Fai told us. - Yes.

Fai said he had another big project, so he turned me down.

What? All we have is some part-time work.

Are you lying or is he?

Fai

Fai

Fatty, is the ladder tall enough?

You need a ladder for such low tricks?

What?

Sharon says she never cut our wages.

What are you playing at?

You just saw her?

Still up?

Come in.

Actually, there's nothing special.

Fatty told me you came to the studio.

Please, be honest. Tell me everything.

In fact, I wanted to tell you

that thing...

it's me who wrote poems for Albert.

He was busy, so...

I helped him.

He paid me.

One hundred dollars each. Not bad.

I didn't know they were all for you.

You didn't know? They all have my name on.

He only told me it was you a few days ago

I got this the third day.

Listen. I just did it for the money,

also you're pretty and he's handsome,

it's a good match, right?

That's not what you wrote.

You said even if someone was deaf, dumb, handicapped

poor or uneducated,

if they do love each other...

That's not true.

So what's reality, then?

The truth is...

I'm in love with you.

Sharon...

Please don't misunderstand.

Even though I love you,

you don't have to love me.

You can still love someone else.

I won't stop you doing anything

I just want to keep it in my heart,

both now

and in the future.

I'm serious.

If I said...

I was also in love with you, then what?

Oh, I almost forgot!

What?

You just said 'if'

I need to go to the bathroom, sorry.

Sharon, the director wants you.

Have you decided if you're coming to America for shooting or not?

Well... it's for whole six months.

Please don't turn me down, I think you're the best person for the job.

I can't do it.

God will strike me down if I love my master.

As soon as I make my decision,

I'll tell you, okay? Bye

Okay.

Fai

I can't believe it!

Wanderer face many obstacles.

However, Fai never expected to

encounter such racial discrimination.

Hey, buddy, where are we going?

We're off for the chop, mate.

Who are you, anyway? How come you're on our truck?

What kind of pig are you? With golden hair? And long tail?

It's a cloned pig.

Cheap with low IQ, low standard also.

I'm in the wrong place,

I have to ask the driver to stop the truck.

Excuse me, buddy,

Don't squeeze in!

Excuse me.

You smell so bad, go away!

What? As smelly as you?

Throw him off the truck.

Excuse me, please stop wagging your tail. It smells so bad!

Stop pressing my ass! Are you gay or something?

Even if I was, would I screw you?

Albert!

Hey, how come you drank so much?

Sharon turned me down.

Why?

She told me she never wants any more...

poems that you wrote for me

What a mess!

This world is full of women, you can find someone else.

It's because... I... I...

Albert...

Never mind him.

He's used to be a loser.

Uncle Fook. I want to ask you something.

I know, you're in love with Sharon, right?

How do you know?

I've been a dog for so many years, I should know a thing or two.

I'm so confusing now, I don't know what I should do.

I know of a similar case.

A dog became human after an accident.

How is he now?

Well, he got married and had kids, twins!

Well, if you want to be human,

you have to have sex. Lose your virginity.

Lose my virginity?

Cathy!

It's good to see you!

I need your help. It's urgent.

Haircut?

Go on up.

No... I'm not coming for haircut.

Last time, at my home, I was wrong.

I'm so sorry.

Never mind.

I'm a woman. Not your type.

No, you are my perfect type!

Last time, I couldn't, but now I can,

so if you have time now,

let's...

finish the whole thing...

No way.

What are you doing?

Please, please! Help me! I have no choice!

Leave me alone!

Well? Still feel good?

Higher...

Sofa...

No! Upstairs...

- Okay! Go upstairs! Quick! - Still feeling good?

Harder!

The left leg... Harder...

Yes!

Good!

Impossible!

Is the rhythm too fast?

It's great!

Oh! Yeah!

Oh! Baby!

Keep it going! Keep it going!

Wait! Wait! Do it yourself!

Excuse me, I have to go get ready.

What are you looking for?

Putting on some ointment!

Hurry!

Won't be long.

Where are you going?

Sharon?!

Everything you wrote and said was faked!

Sharon...

I did it because of you!

Leave me alone!

Sharon!

Oh! My God!

Are you two...

Oh, forget it. I'll explain to her later.

By the way, can we continue?

Sharon came and made steak for me.

So go and eat yourself.

Is it Sahara or Gobi Desert?

Fai doesn't dare to think about it anymore

Fai was beginning to think he'd spend the rest of his life here,

until a bunch of vans gave him hope.

What the hell? So many vans?

It's rare for Hong Kong Tycoons to come to The Great North-West.

For them to notice Fai is a pure miracle.

Wait for me, tycoons!

I'm from Hong Kong!

Wait for me!

Remember to ring Derek in Hong Kong!

I already did.

That's alright, then.

Look.

There's a dog over there.

He keeps chasing us.

Excuse me, driver, can you stop for a while?

Hello, doggy...

What's the matter? How come you're so dirty?

Madam Sweet, we have to catch our flight.

He's so sad. I want to bring him back to Hong Kong.

Say good-bye to Great North-West! Bye bye!

At last, I can go back to Hong Kong!

Fai, wake up? Are you sick?

Wake up! You've been sleeping for two days!

Wake up!

I don't want to work!

What work? We're all unemployed now!

Let's go.

Go!

Don't be so noisy, I don't want to go anywhere.

Okay,

if you don't' go, then she'll go.

What?

Sharon's going to work overseas!

America! USA!

You really don't need me to come?

Let me get things organized first.

It would be great to have Christmas in New York.

Snowing must be very romantic.

Have you finished packing yet? So much stuff.

I may not come back.

After finishing this film,

if I can find a job over there, I may stay.

Really?

Won't you miss Hong Kong?

I would,

if Man was still here.

Wow! So many steaks!

If you don't want them, I'll take them.

Leave them alone. I'll cook them tonight.

Don't get mad.

Don't you said you care about nothing!?

Albert, can you help me one last time?

How much do you need?

Not that.

To be honest,

I used to be a dog,

and I want to become a dog again.

You've got to help me as you're a vet.

I'd never have guessed you're even crazier than me.

No. If I can't turn back into a dog, I can't go to America with Sharon.

Take some pills to calm yourself down.

I'm Man!

Sharon's dog. The Golden Retriever!

The dog you said 'you wanted to fix'!

Do you know how expensive these medicine due?

They're expensive?

Where's Uncle Fook?

Where's he?

He was fine when I fed him this morning,

then...

You're back.

It's my home. Of course I'm back.

Do you know how hard I've been looking for you?

What's the big deal?

I've just been on a tour to China.

Say no more! Let's go back to the fishpond and exchange bodies!

Again? Aren't you scared of dying?

What? You don't want to turn back into a human?

Being a dog is a good life.

I can eat, sleep, play

No need to work, I like it.

You want to keep being a dog?

Of course. I've been adopted by a lady tycoon Madam Sweet.

I enjoy my life very much!

Also, she's so wealthy and

if she passes away

I'm set for life!

I will be the richest dog in the world!

This can't be.

If I don't turn back,

I can't go to America with Sharon.

You stupid dog!

Just buy yourself a ticket and go.

Forget about you.

I just came to get my porno VCD back.

I like to watch pornos while I bath.

So great!

Keep being a human, you stupid dog!

You like to bathe?

Okay, back to the fishpond fist!

Let me go!

Let me go! Are you crazy?

Let me go!

I want to be a dog... I want to be a dog again!

Miss Lee! Just arrived?

Where's Fai?

He told me he was taking a dog to the fishpond

and chop it up. How inhuman!

Are you for real?

Don't do it!

This time, we'll be killed!

Please! No! I beg you!

Calm down! Calm down!

We'll be killed!

If I can't be with Sharon,

I'd rather die!

Well, let's make a deal.

Wait till I get the lady tycoon's money,

I'll give you half.

Really, I'm serious.

I can't wait that long!

If I have money, I can find other people

to exchange the body with you.

Please calm down!

Help! I can't swim!

Man!

You are really crazy?

Man!

Fai!

Fai!

Fai! Fai...

Man!

Help!

Fai!

Fai! Are you okay?

Come back here!

I've found Man!

Fai! I've found Man!

Who's that so damn early?

No need to work? It's already twelve and you're still asleep!

How can I reward you for helping me find Man?

Cook him for me!

What?

Just kidding, because I'm so hungry.

I've bought some steak.

Steak?

You don't like it? Okay.

Whatever, I'm not fussy.

How about pork chop?

Do I looked liked a piece of pork chop to you?

Cathy says 'Hi'.

Cathy?

How did Man know the way to your place here?

Why did you go to the fishpond?

Actually, he... I...

Don't know either.

Are you hiding anything from me?

According to my father...

knowing so much can be a burden.

Hey, did Sharon notice anything?

No.

Don't keep asking. It's so annoying.

Lucky we didn't die from the electricity.

How come you don't live with that lady tycoon?

She's nuts!

I went there last night. She has over ten dogs.

I won't even get a buck.

It's better to be with Sharon.

Sharon's so nice to me and she's pretty...

Don't even do anything!

Don't be that stupid!

Tarzan took me out to chase girls last night.

And I attracted so many girls.

You should be grateful that you look so great!

Otherwise, you won't have so many girls!

Tell me, how exciting it was?

You can't be a dog this way.

Hold like this!

Hold with your mouth!

You've got to learn this...

How can you be a dog if you don't know how to hold this way?

Remember, you are a dog!

Salute!

I don't know what kind of ending it'll be for Sharon and I will be

I only know that I'm a such dog

and will be loyal to her forever

Don't look at me.

Can't you go and keep the girls company?

Hey, there's a new Richard Gere movie coming.

What? How can you fancy such an old guy?

His ass still looks fine to me.

I prefer Sean Connery.

Oh, no. He's old enough to be my grandpa.

The older the bottle, the finer the wine.

But, you don't understand it.

I go to gym everyday. See, how Fit I am.

- You only go and check out the guys. - Crazy!

Which gym has the most hunks?

You can't trust any handsome guy.

They'll definitely fool around.

All the handsome guys are not trustworthy.

I just want a guy who's talented

and sweet.

Who needs tong term relationship?

Too many studs, too little time.

For one night only.

No man can last for one whole night.

They are so weak.

They just can make love for 131/2 minutes.

Do you carry a stopwatch? When you are...

No...

I read it in a newspaper, they have the survey.

Actually, I've checked my watch before.

That doesn't sound very romantic.

You can have someone without having sex.

Just cuddling is enough.

Just hugging? That won't satisfy him.

He shouldn't take you for granted

You have to be able to say 'No'!

Man!

Don't be so naughty! You can't do that!

You damn hound! Don't touch my sensitive point!

If I can't score tonight, I'll cook you!

Oh, my God! You even attract dogs!

Are men that different from dogs?

If I can meet a loyal guy liked Man,

I'd be satisfied.

- Are you expecting someone? - No.

Did you order a pizza? Let's see if he's cute!

Hi!

Jason!

Sharon!

I was just passing

so I thought I'd drop by.

I've got company.

It's okay.

I didn't know it you were for dinner?

Dinner? Okay!

Just let me get changed. I'm free.

Just say no',

she'll drop everything for a cute guy.

Saying isn't the same as doing.

I'll bet he'll have his way with Sharon tonight.

He kept staring up my thigh. No manner!

Worse! When I bent over, he looked down my breast!

Forget it. Let's decide where to eat.

How could you choose this guy? He's a jerk.

No way, I looked too fat.

What are you doing?

You're not pretty, your legs are too long, your eyes are too big.

All my girlfriends are prettier than you. See how ugly you are!

Don't bother about your clothes.

They'll be taken off in the end. Better wear more.

Let's go down and check him out.

What? Last night you left your bra at my place?

What bra?

Oh! We are all the same,

horny dogs.

Please, don't do anything to my master. You can do it to me!

Or I'll do it to you.

Please, don't go. See, I'm ready!

Man, go back! Don't be that naughty!

Nice dog. Good dog...

Be a good boy, okay?

Man, go back!

Be a good boy, okay?

Sorry about that! He's usually so good.

I trained him myself.

I used to own some dogs myself.

Where are we going for dinner?

Let's take my car...

Okay.

I've tried my best and you're still being cheated,

silly girl.

Every dog deserves it,

all dogs want it.

It's new dish!

Doesn't your pet deserve

the chance and taste this sensational new dog food?

Do you want to own it?

Damn, that looks tasty!

The new King of the food

- is available in all supermarkets. - Yummy!

Man... Are you here?

What's happening?

Come on over. I've got something to tell you.

Okay. Go to my backyard first.

Hey, I've dated a new girlfriend.

What breed?

A Chihuahua. Her name is Gigi.

She smells so fine!

Chihuahua is so small, you are so heavy!

Never mind, I did it with a Shih Tzu before.

It's great!

Help! Help!

Saby, what's the matter? You being robbed?

No. My mistress has brought another guy home.

Never mind.

Her husband has a girlfriend in Mandarin.

It's only fair!

Help!

My Master always beats me! He's more of an animal than I am!

My master hasn't come back in 2 days, and I'm starving to death!

My master committed suicide 3 days ago, but no one knows.

What are you complaining about? This is a dog's life!

Be reborn as a human in your next life!

No! Anything but that!

He hasn't called me for three days.

What's he playing at?

Men are liked that.

If you keep checking up on him, he'll run off.

Did you do it with him yet?

No, of course not!

Don't lie to me!

If he hadn't scored already, he wouldn't have vanished.

The fastest you did with him, the quickest he vanished.

I didn't mean to,

but I had some wine with dinner, and so...

No big deal. If you're both happy, that's okay.

I don't' want to play around.

I want a steady relationship.

Did your dog die?

Damn you! Man is the best friend I've got!

Then that's good enough.

I've got to run. Bye.

Man!

Man, how did you open the car door?

Come out of here.

Do you want to drive?

Come out of here, Man!

Man, be a good boy!

Come out of here!

I don't have time to play with you today.

Don't make a mess,

and I'll cook a steak for you tonight.

Promise to me. Hand!

Good boy!

Hey, don't tease me.

You're so nasty!

Oh, please.

What's the name of the propsman?

His name is Fai.

Wow, that's so exciting!

Hang up or I'll throw you out of the car. Exciting enough?

My boss is scolding me now. Gotta go.

Okay. I love you.

Bye!

How long have you been dating?

You already said 'I love you'?

It's not serious.

I'm someone who needs love every day.

It's here. That rundown place on the right.

King Fai' Building?

This is the place. He's a bit crazy.

He inherited the set design business, that's why he's reliable.

What are you doing?

He's really smelly.

Fai, open the door!

My boss is here. Get dressed and open up!

Get dressed?

Last time, I came he opened the door naked!

What?

Don't be scared. I've got my shorts on.

- Are you Mr. Fai? - So?

Would you kindly brush your teeth first?

Come in and stop being a pain!

How the hell can you call me so early?

You want to borrow porno VCDs! You didn't return the other one yet!

He really is a horny guy!

I already got that one

But I only have the LD version.

Fatty? I dubbed a copy for him!

Honestly, is he the best we could get for the money?

Can't you tell he's the cheapest?

Come on over later,

and don't forget my VCDs.

So, you want the set finished by next week?

Yes.

Are you shooting in the studio next door?

Yes.

Have you seen the designs?

Designs? Let me see...

Let's go. I don't like to work with someone so unprofessional.

Impossible!

The material isn't solid enough for such a wide base,

but I know how to fix it. It'll be cheaper, too.

Also, next time, don't write in English. I don't understand.

No problem. You can call the shots.

Also, can you please stop playing with yourself?

Sorry, wherever I think, I have to scratch.

Okay, then continue, please.

What are you thinking?

Nothing yet.

Scratch harder, can you? I have to meet the director.

Get scratching!

Come on!

I'm too tired! If you're in such a hurry, give me a hand.

Sandy, go and scratch him.

Me?

Don't give me so much pressure.

See? It's bleeding.

What are you angry about?

You can ring him, instead of waiting for him to ring you.

Yes, that's the way!

Let me guess,

the line was engaged.

What the hell? Service cancelled?

What a new trick! I'm impressed!

Damn it!

Why are you so upset? You should be used to this by now.

Bastard! You never told me you'd changed your number.

Stupid bastard!

Handsome guys are no good!

How could I have been so stupid!

I'll never date a handsome guy again!

How can I be so dump?

Honestly, I don't like to see her unhappy,

but every time

she cooks steaks to relieve her anger. I can't stop her doing it.

Wow! Yummy!

Why do men are all liked that?

Why does it always turn out liked this?

Man, come here.

You're the only one who treats me well.

Go ahead and cry. Let your feelings out.

I'll comfort you because I'm your dog,

but please don't overcook the steaks.

If I get married one day,

I'd make my house warm and comfortable.

I'll definitely be a great wife

and Mom as well.

Right?

Where are all the good guys?

If you were a guy, Man, you'd be perfect!

You're handsome, kind,

you look after me so well.

If you can write love letters to me...

That'd be perfect!

Man, there's no need to be scared of thunder.

Such a sacredly dog. You've been that way since you are a puppy.

You can sleep here,

but don't pee, or I'll spank you.

Did you fart?

It's so smelly!

Excuse me, Miss. My dog has the runs.

I'm in such a hurry, can you treat him now?

Okay...

King of the food?

Yummy!

Is he experienced?

He's the substitute vet.

May, you look great! Did you lose some weight?

None of your business!

Don't' be that way. We can still be friends.

Call me, okay?

Doctor Lai.

Man, don't be liked that!

He has the runs.

Can you check him over?

Of course... I bring you... no...

You bring him to the examination table.

Be good! Let the doctor examine you.

And don't bark at him!

The one you... no...

I mean... what colour is his excitement?

A kind of bluish, yellowy brown.

Does it smell really bad?

About the same.

A few days ago,

I gave him some undercooked steak. That's why...

Maybe that... I like steak, too.

But, it has to be well done.

I know this great steak house in Central.

Could you treat my dog first?

Of course.

I've already checked him over.

Has he been fixed yet?

No, not yet.

You, four eyes! Don't even think about it!

If you are not planning for breeding...

No, I mean...

If you are not planning to use him for breeding

I suggest you have him 'done'

Screw you, four eyes! You touch my ball, I break your face!

Man, don't be liked that!

See how bad tempered he is?

If you are going to fix... No...

If you get him fixed, I'll give you a discount.

Let me think about it. I don't have time now.

Well, you can always call me.

My name is Albert. I'm just substituting for Dr. Chow today.

This is the address and number of my clinic,

and here's my home number and mobile.

Excuse me.

Yes, okay... Tell the director I'm on my way.

Start shooting without me.

My name is Albert.

That's fine. Thank you.

Remember, call me.

Sorry, I'm in a rush.

Okay.

Actually, I'm off now. Maybe I could give you a ride.

No, thanks.

Sharon!

Are the models ready yet?

Almost. How come you brought your dog?

He's not well. I just took him to the vet.

Your set has been changed. Everything is different.

- What? - Come on!

Damn it!

Director, how come you moved everything?

I don't mean that.

I just want the set to be more simple, okay?

So, you don't want it, right?

The set looks too flat.

Sharon!

Grace, didn't we confirm

the storyboards at the meeting?

How come everything is different now?

Plain is better. We'll see how the shoot goes.

If you don't mind wasting time, fine!

But, I don't think we can finish tonight.

If It can't be finished,

we'll reshoot until it's right,

We'll do our best, Mr. Lin

Any problem?

No problem.

Perfect. Absolutely no problem.

Actually, if it's not too much trouble,

I don't' want it to be so plain.

I trust your judgment

How long to reset?

About fifteen minutes.

Fine.

Fai, can you give me a hand moving the boards?

Sharon, don't you think it's too trouble to reset?

Just be quick about it, okay?

Just liked I said, the first set was better.

Shut it, Fatty.

You're not paid act liked a designer.

Just my own opinion.

Hey, let's go get a sauna after work!

Again? My skin is peeling!

The place we went last time has two new masseurs: Twins!

Wow! We can have them both!

Yeah!

If you two don't stop talking trash, I'll dock your wages!

Sometimes, your whole life will change because of a tiny incident.

Actually... I wasn't that scared,

I just didn't want to

make the car dirty.

Action!

Fatty, I'll go home take a nap. Call me when they finish.

You're looking pale. Go easy on the porno VCD!

If I don't have my porn, my life will be too 'dry'

What do you mean by 'dry'?

You're really uneducated, you know?

Thank you, Professor.

His profile is liked Tom Cruise,

but his sad eyes remind me of Brad Pitt.

Sure he has no wedding ring.

How can I make the first move? He's my client!

I'll be so embarrassed

if he rejected me.

You? Come here?

Oh! No! Forget it. You don't have to come!

I've another incoming call, gotta go.

May I speak to Sharon Lee, please?

Yes? Speaking?

I'm Albert, the vet, I mean, I'm Doctor Lai.

Doctor Lai? How did you get my number?

Actually, I checked the clinic's records.

How's your dog? Did you give him the medicine?

Yeah, he's fine, but he seems a bit tired.

Well, that's normal.

He'll have the runs until all the bowel is cleaned out.

Don't worry. Do you want to have him fixed now?

That's not necessary. Actually, I'm working now, so...

Bye bye!

Bye bye.

- Sharon - What?

Which of the models should wear this watch?

Give this to the girl in the white dress.

How come you're so wet?

It's pouring outside,

and I had to go to the washroom...

Raining?

Ray, can I borrow your umbrella?

Take it.

Man!

Man!

Damn it, it's pissing down!

No power? You're shitting me!

How come it smells so bad?

Shit!

How come my house is full of shit?

Who did it?

Who?

You goddamn hound!

You stupid beast!

I haven't eaten dog meat for so long!

Come on out, damn it!

You deserve a good beating!

You dare to bark at me?

Come here!

Come back here!

Get back here!

Hey, you shit in my home and you dare to chase me?

You goddamn fleabag!

I'll kill you or die trying! Come back!

Sharon, the director's looking for you.

I'm looking for Man.

He's lost. Can you help me?

You damn to run? I'll chop you up!

Stop it! Freeze!

I'll kill you!

Don't run!

Where do you think you're going?

I have a saw!

And I'll chop you up!

Don't come over here!

Where are you going to?

Don't run!

You damn dog! Stop it!

Don't go! Let's see where you can run to!

Help! Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

I can't swim!

Help! You damn mutt!

Brother dog, help me!

Man!

Man!

Where are you? Man!

What's that?

Hands!?

Damn dog! Are you dead yet?

Hey, a Golden Retriever. Might be worth something.

Hey, Ecstasy is a dangerous drug.

Don't take too much! Young man!

What are you doing?

What? Okay, okay.

I'll let you out there. Don't freak out.

Hey, you haven't paid yet!

You haven't paid the bill!

Do you have money?

No change, right?

Fai!

What the hell do you think you're doing?

What are you doing? You want to molest me?

How do you know I live here?

Don't get any closer or I'll call the police!

Sha... I'm...

- Go away! - Sha...

I'm... I'm...

Hey, have you seen my dog?

The golden one! Has he come back?

Oh, forget it. Get out of here.

I'm...

I'm...

Hello? Police? I've lost my dog.

Not your business?

How can that be?

It's the same as losing a car!

SPCA? I've lost my dog.

He went missing last night.

He's a golden retriever.

I can pay a reward!

Hello? Immigration?

Have you seen a golden retriever leaving Hong Kong?

Yes, he's a dog, not a human.

He could still take a trip!

He's now a homeless dog.

You association is for homeless people, right?

Can't you help me to find him?

Man, come back! Man!

I don't want to play hide and seek!

You came back last time!

Man, I've cooked your favourite steak!

Come back or I'll give it to next door's dog!

Man! Be good!

Man's dead already! Gimme that steak!

Man

Don't go out, or they'll send you to the nuthouse.

I, Am Dog... I, Am Dog...

Sharon took care of you because you were a dog

and now, you're a human, will she still want you?

What? Just a thousand for a golden retriever?

Impossible! Last time the Shih Tzu also worth 800!

Take a look first. Okay. See you later.

Let's go!

Where's my truck?

Who stole my truck?

Bad guy! Punk!

You punk. Where'd you go last night?

What's wrong with the drain? There's piss and shit everywhere!

What the hell you are doing?

It's shit everywhere!

How can you stand it? Are you a human being?

You're still doing it?

I'm out of here!

Fai! Get changed and let's go for lunch!

Lunch?

Hey! What are you doing?

King...

Oh, you want to buy that one?

King... Great! King!

What a shame!

So young and already a beggar!

Poor guy!

I used to eat steak!

Last night, I had dragon meat and bird's nest soup for breakfast. Nutter!

Miss, you've stuck up too many posters. That's enough!

Please, just a few more.

If you keep this up, I'll be in trouble.

I'll have to take them down anyway. That's quite meaningless.

If you tear them down, I'll call the police!

Have you no pity? I've lost my dog!

Sha... ron

Dog... Collar

- That's Man's collar! - I... found it...

Where did you find it?

Dog collar... Here... Fishpond...

Man! Where are you? Man!

- Water... - Come back home, Man!

Man, where are you?

Man's so scared of water. He wouldn't come here!

Maybe he was chased by someone.

What?

Or maybe he get lost.

Oh, God! It's all my fault.

If I hadn't opened the car window last night, Man won't go away.

Not open. Too hot. Dying...

Man is scared of thunder. He must have been terrified.

Yes. Thunder is really scary.

He'd piss himself.

Don't worry.

I'm just scared that if Man's still around,

some villagers

will take him away and cook him!

Don't feel so sad.

He's still near you...

Man hasn't left my side since he was a puppy.

Help! Help!

What are you shouting about?

It's not that deep!

Oh, right.

You don't come near!

What were you trying to do?

Comfort you.

Comfort?

What kind of comforting is that?

My family custom...

Licking, hugging, kissing,

it's all good.

Don't try anything! Don't follow me!

Or I'll have you fixed!

Bastard!

That's what I did before.

You liked it then.

Every wanderer

has his own sad story behind

Fai, the prop guy comes to Guangzhou by sheer accident,

But with his bravery, strength,

and intelligence, he makes the biggest decision in his life,

...to smuggle back to Kowloon Hong Kong.

Fai!

Fai! Time to work!

It's nine thirty. Wake up!

We have to finish Miss Lee's set before lunch.

Wow, beauty?

Hey, I know her!

You bastard! You always keep the good stuff.

Hey! Don't eat my breakfast!

Stop eating!

Work... Eat!

You stupid!

Does it feel better this way?

Yes. Try it.

Don't look at me, please.

You're still so bashful? Pervert!

Hey, is this your first day on the job?

Actually, yes, my very first day.

Well, get on with it! Staring at pretty girl...

Sharon, you'd better go home. I'll handle things here.

Go home? Why?

You look so tired.

You haven't slept since you lost Man...

Please don't mention that word!

My friend has a...

pet,

with Golden hair, and it's so cute.

He's planning to emigrate,

so, maybe you can adopt him!

I know Man is still alive.

I feel he's somewhere near by.

Yes!

Fai, you smell so bad! How long since you took a bath?

Excuse me, could you keep away from the clothes?

Sharon, yesterday when we went to the fishpond...

Fishpond?

Keep it to yourself!

Sandy, go and check how the painting is going.

I warn you, if you want me to treat you well,

never mention the fishpond, ever!

I know it's hard to accept me now.

Not just now, but forever!

I just want to be your...

You still dare to talk that trash?

No, no, no. I just want to be your...

friend, just friend.

Friends? Oh!

Okay, but remember to wash your face, brush your teeth,

wash your hair and also take a bath.

Okay. I promise. Hand!

Hand?

Hand! I promise.

Sharon

Doctor Lai?

Please call me Albert.

Fai! Fai!

Cut the bullshit! We're in a hurry!

Come here!

Is he your friend? He's very special!

How did you know I was working here?

It's quite complicated, actually,

but your assistant Sandy told me.

Sandy...

In fact, I have some experience working on TV commercials.

In medical school, I was the chairman of the photography club,

specialising in human organ cell deficiency.

I won a photo prize.

Doctor Lai, I'm working now,

would you mind leaving?

Sure. Maybe we can chat over dinner.

Dinner? What dinner?

I just want to have dinner with you.

I haven't been in a good mood there last few days.

Maybe some other time.

I'll have you fixed!

Who are you?

If you don't go, I'll have you fixed!

Come on, everybody! Plenty for everyone!

Hey, Boy! How can you take a shit here?

Haven't finished yet?

Attention please.

This is me,

how I looked when I was a dog.

Pay attention!

If you see this dog anywhere,

you let me know at once! Okay?

Man, you want to go back to being a dog?

It's not a matter of choice. I am a dog!

Man, you look great as a human being.

Just a little bit ugly!

What's so good of being a human?

Humans have to study and work

and worry about bankruptcy, unemployment.

Human can go anywhere. How free it is!

Man, we may not be able to help you,

but I know you can help me.

Help you how?

You know I usually get excited after meal

and I really miss Gigi

As soon as you start wagging your tail, I know you're horny.

Keep you voice down. If you're arrested, it's okay, you're dogs.

I'll get charged with trespassing and prostitution.

What a pair of horny dogs!

- Why so many people standing there? - Let's go and see.

- A dog's over there. - Yes, pretty cute.

Where does he come from?

The valiant Fai

manages to survive wherever he goes

and uses his bad Chinese to write his sad story,

He is supported by the people of Shanghai.

What a hero!

Thank you very much! Thank you! I love Shanghai!

Monster! Go away!

Don't hit him! Stop!

So stupid!

What a fool!

Sharon?

I'm still looking for my dog. I was just passing.

Are you eating lunch?

This is healthy food. Good for dieting.

You did clean your place?

Yes. It makes the place feel more fresh.

You should clean it early before.

Hey, that poster is really cute.

You like dogs, too?

These aren't for you!

They're to attract Man.

It's too delicious!

I'll pay for it.

Forget it.

By the way, that day you promised me...

Yes. I've taken a shower and washed my hair. Smell?

No.

I was just wondering how do you know 'Hand'?

Hand'? Well...

I communicated with my dog the same way.

You had a dog?

Yes.

- What happened to it? - He was...

killed by thunder.

You must have been very sad.

Yes, I just wanted to die.

Don't say any more!

But don't worry.

I'm absolutely sure your dog is fine!

How come you be so sure?

Have you dreamed about him?

No.

That's how I know!

After my dog died, I always dreamed about him.

Do you have time to come somewhere with me?

She's a very famous fortune teller.

She helped the police before.

Please don't get upset.

Your dog is already dead.

I don't believe it.

Impossible.

Wait!

It seems he isn't quite dead yet.

So, where is he?

He's right next to you.

Let me invite his soul to come over.

Good!

For real?

Another five hundred bucks and it's a done deal.

No problem. Five hundred.

She's possessed by a dog?

Man, where are you?

I missed you so much.

I can't live without you!

Please don't leave me, Man!

What the hell is she saying? Barking like this?

Man, where are you?

Hurry back to me!

Sharon, she's cheating you.

Stop pretending!

Give her money back, and then we'll go.

- Oh, she's biting me! - Man, don't be like that!

Leave me alone!

What are you doing?

Don't you think I know she's cheating me?

It's like spending five hundred bucks on a shrink.

So, where do you want to go now?

I just want to take a walk.

Okay.

If you feel bored, give me a call.

I'll come right over.

Thanks.

Just don't think that we're...

I won't, I won't...

You're my employer,

our relationship is like that.