Original subtitles

[ PLAYFUL OPENING MUSIC ]

Now... just try to relax old fellow.

Nothing to worry about.

Open wide.

Ah, yes.

You haven't been to see me for some time, have you?

Wider please.

Ah!

Cavity.

[ CHIME ]

Cavity.

[ CHIME ]

Cavity.

[ CHIME ]

Out!

[ BOING ]

Tell me, how's the family?

[ UNINTELLIGIBLE SPEECH ]

[ PLAYFUL MUSIC ]

This patient has a retained root

in the lower right mandibular region.

You, Michaels.

True or false?

Um...

True sir.

What do we do?

Elevate the periosteum and remove the

outer plate of bone, sir.

Correct.

This lady is down as a case of Padget's disease.

After extraction

she should rinse immediately with a warm mouthwash.

You Dexter.

True or false?

Er, false sir.

She should have no hot drinks, food or alcohol

until the injection wears off.

Correct.

Sorry sir

This is an infected wisdom.

The molar next to it will have to be removed before extraction.

Cookson, true or false?

I was just wondering myself, sir.

[ PLAYFUL MUSIC ]

[ GRUNTS WITH EFFORT ]

For heaven's sake, hold her head still.

It's not so easy.

What are you grinning at?

You brought her in, you have a go.

Alright.

[ RIP ]

There you are

easiest thing in the world.

One.

[ RIP ]

[ RIP ] Three.

[ RIP ] Four.

[ RIP ] Five.

[ RIP ] Six.

Nice wristy action, Dexter.

Splendid!

You know, gentlemen

I know there's a simple reason why dental students

should be plucking a pheasant.

But I seem to have forgotten it.

Sir, my father sent it to me from Scotland

and we were getting it ready for supper, sir.

I see.

Gentlemen remember why you're here.

You haven't forgotten the anaesthetics.

We didn't need one sir. It was dead when it arrived.

[ CHUCKLES ]

The anaesthetist hasn't turned up yet sir.

And while you were waiting you thought you'd pluck a pheasant.

Interesting train of thought.

I suppose it didn't occur to you

that you could have done a little revision of anaesthetics.

Yes sir, we've been hard at it all afternoon.

The hemoglobin levels and techniques in case of anaesthetic collapse.

[ ALL AGREE ]

and all that stuff.

Let's see how hard you have been at it.

Now...

I am under an anaesthetic.

Suddenly my respiration stops

gone, finished.

What happens next?

We'd all send flowers, sir.

[ GIGGLES ]

Mr Cookson.

I am a patient.

A trusting patient

who has allowed you to give me an anaesthetic.

Suddenly my heart stops beating.

What do you do about it?

Well, there's only one thing to do sir, I'd er...

I'd get the old langton huber needle

and I'd give you the old one two with it, sir.

At least you got the name of the needle right.

Where exactly would you give me this...

"old one two" with it?

Er... where exactly...

Um, between the ribs.

Fourth space on the right, sir.

You're slightly out. It's the fourth on the left.

I'm sorry sir, I'm... right-handed, sir.

But I'll get the hang of it, sir, I promise.

Yes, you'll either get the hang of it

or hang for it.

Dexter

in an emergency such as this

how much adrenaline would you prescribe?

Oh, eighty minim, sir.

Who do you want to kill,

me or the population of London?

Oh you...

Gentlemen...

I have some bad news for you.

In two days' time, you will have your first contact with the public

doing local anaesthetic extractions.

Two days, sir, but that's not fair!

No, it is not fair.

But thank heavens the public don't know about it yet

or the emigration figures would double overnight.

You have two days to make up your minds

whether you're going to be rotten dentists

or pheasant pluckers.

[ SQUEALS ]

Watling's right you know

if the public knew what was going to happen to them

they'd stone the minister of health.

I'm going upstairs to do some swotting.

Oh!

And you should do some too!

If you don't pass your exams, you know what happens to you?

- What? - They make you a lecturer.

Yes, Mr lecturer.

I'll take the women's classes.

You do?

I'm one of the new students

and I wondered if I could have some personal tuition.

Oh I should think so, wouldn't you, Dexter?

Oh yes, definitely sir!

Yes, we give personal tuition in wrestling with awkward patients.

- After hours. - Yes, we're always after ours.

- And then I teach... - Kissing...

- necking - cuddling...

and if you have trouble with your

toothpaste I teach you how to squeeze.

Ha ha, is that all?

Lift, David.

Excuse me, I'm also the lift man.

Going up, third floor, dentures, scaling, gum boils.

Have you ever had gum boils on the third floor?

It's very unpleasant.

- The Dean! - Shut up!

May I?

- Which floor, sir? - Fourth, please.

Dean's office.

Carpetings, dressings down, riot acts and suspensions.

If you would accompany me there, Mr Cookson.

Yes, of course sir.

Let our friend off first, will you?

How's work Mr Dexter?

Oh, coming on, sir.

Yes thank you, coming along.

Judging by your progress, it'll be a long time arriving!

[ PLAYFUL MUSIC ]

Well, well...

Tell us the worst.

Stripped of your medals, degraded...?

I know this will come as a great shock

but I'm still with you.

He's just been on the mat with Dr Jekyll.

There's a comparative anatomy test tomorrow.

You know that flower he wears in his lapel

we think he should wear it in his hat

because his brains died years ago.

[ GUFFAWS ]

My name's David Cookson, by the way.

This is Miss Travers.

- Hello. - Hello.

I hope the Dean wasn't too rough on you.

Oh no, he was perfectly charming...

as usual.

As usual? Huh!

He's the most cantankerous, sarcastic, cunning...

He's also Miss Travers' uncle.

Yes, he's also... he's what?

He's the most cantankerous, sarcastic, cunning...

Look, when I said that I...

You were understating. Forget it!

Oh, well...

fancy the Dean being your uncle.

And you're going to follow in his footsteps and be a dentist too.

Yes, except I keep failing my finals.

Your finals?

But this is your first term.

In this college, yes.

You've been in other dental colleges?

In... and out.

That's why I've been sent here.

So that my... the Dean could keep an eye on me.

[ CLOCK CHIMES ]

Seven o'clock! I'm gone!

- Thanks for the coffee. - You're welcome.

What do you mean, "You're welcome"? I paid for the coffee.

Fourpence.

Anyway, I saw her first.

Didn't I?

[ CLOCK CHIMES ]

[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC ]

Sam, I don't like it.

What do you mean?

All you've got to do is to sit here with the engine running.

- How long are you going to be? - How long am I going to be?

I'm pulling a job, not buying a newspaper.

Switch your lights off.

I can't park here without lights. It's illegal.

Come on! Sometimes you get on my wick!

Give me the plan.

- Here you are. - Ta.

What's this here?

- Cigarette cases here? - Yes.

Gold cabinet there...

What's this here, "case of Canterburies"?

Candelabras!

You're crossing your dees now are you?

Look, this door's to the strongroom, see?

Right, do you mind!

I know this plan like the back of my hand,

I'm just refreshing. Have a look at that.

Right now, three paces forward...

two paces right, five paces forward

one right, two left, right?

- Left! - Yeah...

Yes, that's right.

Give me the paper with the treacle on.

Here you are.

[ BLOWS ]

[ GLASS BREAKING ]

Three paces forward.

One, two, three...

[ LOUD CRASH ]

[ NOISE OF BROKEN CUCKOO CLOCK ]

[ CLOCK ALARM RINGING ]

[ CLOCKS CHIMING ]

[ THUD ]

[ TOILET FLUSHING ]

Oh Crikey!

[ CLOCKS CHIMING ]

[ ENGINE REVVING ]

Three paces forward, two paces right...

You must have been walking like a Japanese geisha girl!

I did have a tight skirt on.

That's charming!

In that case, as an artist, I should've worn a tight skirt too!

There's no finesse any more.

Three paces forward, two paces right...

Straight into the lavvy with all the cuckoo clocks going off!

It's all over now.

Don't forget you promised me this was your last job.

You know what was in your stars.

Yeah, I know what was in the stars.

From now on, it's me as a wage earner.

Pay-as-you-earn insurance stamps and a telly.

Cor, Sam, how lovely!

Come on, let's see what you've got.

- Eh? - Open up.

Keep her steady.

Hello, what's this stuff?

Looks like tooth-pullers.

Eh?

It is, it's dentist junk!

You must have gone through the fire escape and done the shop next door.

I done the shop next door!

I'll be the laughing stock of the underworld!

How am I going to flog this junk?

Sell them to a dentist.

One dentist? We'll need a load of dentists.

[ CHEERFUL MUSIC ]

- Morning. - Good morning.

Tell me, how do I get at the students?

Get at them?

Oh no, what I mean is they have to pop off somewhere, don't they?

Something to eat or something, somewhere?

Or the bank?

Yes, of course I've got instrument in here.

No rubbish, all very good stuff.

All travellers and representatives on

Friday evening, if you don't mind.

Yes of course, today is Tuesday.

I beg your pardon?

Granted. Yes, I'm like you, messing up the dates,

don't know which is Tuesday, which is Friday...

What do you think I am, a calendar?

I'm sorry sir, but all travellers and...

And representatives on a Friday evening.

Of course, I'm not arguing about that.

As a matter of fact I've...

got an appointment.

May I ask who with?

You may certainly, who with.

You'll never guess.

Try a few names, increase your word power.

Excuse me. Has Mr Dexter gone out?

I haven't seen him, Mr Cookson.

Mr Cookson, well, well, I've got everything here as promised.

That's wonderful. Do I know you?

Do you know me, ha ha!

Does he know me! A great little joker, this boy.

This way sir.

Here we are, guv.

I've got some brand new instruments here going at massacre prices.

Instruments, no thank you.

I'm afraid you've picked the wrong person.

Do you mean you're not a student?

Yes, I am but I can't afford to get my own...

Can't afford! What are you talking about?

Have I asked a price?

How can you "can't afford" when I haven't even asked?

Look, come back at the end of term and

I'll probably be able to sell you mine.

Excuse me.

Brian I thought you'd gone out.

They've sprung another orthodontic lecture on us.

- When? - Now, come on, we'll be late.

Perhaps your friend might be interested.

- In what? - You can't afford them either...

I've got a hundred quids' worth in here.

I told Mr Cookson all about it.

They're brand new. You wouldn't believe what I'm asking for them.

I can hardly believe it myself.

What are they, nylons?

Nylons! Do us a favour.

- They're tooth tools. - Tooth tools?

We'll be late. Come back in a couple of years.

- Where did you find him? - Never mind about him.

Sorry!

- Who's taking orthodontics? - Barret.

Barret, I'm safe! Chapters 7, 8, 11 and12.

Some day he'll quote from someone else's book and then you've had it.

No author ever quotes from someone else's book.

Over a hundred quids' worth here, all I'm asking is thirty quid.

Look, you're fast becoming a pest.

Hey! How much?

- Alright then, twenty-five. - Twenty five quid?

I can't take a penny less than twenty.

Look, I'll show you.

Out the way.

I've got to live, haven't I?

Open up.

He's got the lot, articulators, drills, shears...

- What's the catch? - Catch?

Pu... lease!

Where did you get this lot?

It's like this, all this stuff is bankrupt stock.

Me and my partner made a good deal

and we want you students to have a good deal.

- Upstairs? - Upstairs.

Upstairs? No funny business.

Funny business? Pu... lease!

[ CHUCKLES ]

Mike, sign us in, will you?

I'm getting to know your signature.

I can't take any cheques.

That's alright, we can't sign any.

I need hard cash.

We're practically brothers.

Now the thing is...

how late can you come back tonight?

What have I got to come back for?

- Twenty quid. - I should coco.

Now look Mr... what's your name?

Well it's not Muggins!

You didn't really expect to walk into a dental hospital

and find a student with twenty quid?

The only thing we can do is put a notice on the board and have a sale.

I want 10% of everything you make over the top.

After we take a set each.

Come back at seven o'clock...

No no, I'm coming back at six!

- Seven. - Six thirty.

- Seven fifteen. - Six forty five.

- Eight. - Seven!

Seven.

That's not right!

I want my bonce examined.

Alright, quiet everybody. Attention please!

It's the forceps show.

A funny thing happened to me on my way to the...

Now you're going to wonder how we can

sell you these brand new instruments

at such giveaway prices.

You knocked them off!

[ LAUGHING ]

That's a typical clot's attitude towards big business.

If you must know, we were smart

enough to buy up some bankrupt stock.

And as me and my partner made a good deal

you make a good deal too.

Let's not leave the ladies out of this.

Speak up my lovelies!

Miss Travers, is there anything you're short of?

Mostly, money.

[ LAUGHING ]

Well we can't let such a sordid thing

interfere with our relationship.

You name the instruments and we'll quote you a price.

Well, I need a rubber dam punch,

a 79 gingival margin trimmer,

a pair of surgical scissors,

a matrix retainer,

a water syringe and a mouth mirror.

[ CHUCKLING ]

You do?

Uh-huh, and if you think I could afford that lot

thanks for the compliment.

You might be surprised to know

we can let you have that for £3/7/6,

exactly half the list price.

You could?

Not only could but would.

Give the lady her surgery.

And that gives you some idea of the cut-throat reductions

we're bringing into your lucky lives boys and girls!

David?

Can I pay you later?

You can pay me any time you like.

You're an angel.

Come along boys and girls, we've got everything here,

we've got forceps, chisels, probes, scalers,

drills, all the fun of the fair.

Hello Lucy, can I have a cheese sandwich please?

Lucy!

You got cloth ears? Lady wants a cheese sandwich.

[ ROMANTIC MUSIC ]

What's the matter with Lucy now?

She's off again.

Lucy!

Yoo-hoo!

Wakey-wakey!

Come on you soppy date, who is it this time?

Mr Dexter.

Got cheap syringes, buy one of those

or get two and have your ears pierced

Poor soul, she's sex mad!

Can't do a thing with her when she's like this.

Want a cup of tea, miss?

No, a cup of coffee please.

Lucy, go in the kitchen and warm up that instant coffee.

Go on dear, there's a good girl...

Look, a glass of milk will be fine.

Yes, better for you.

They say it's good for the teeth, don't they?

I don't know...

Ever since I've been working here

I've been soaking mine in it every night but

hasn't done much good.

[ CROCKERY SMASHING ]

Alright, what did you smash now?

My steak and kidney pudding.

I'll have to go.

Take me half an hour to pick the china out of that pudding.

They're a fussy lot in here you know.

[ BURST OF DRAMATIC MUSIC ]

You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!

What for?

Receiving stolen property is just as bad as stealing it.

I'm not with you, in fact I haven't...

Have you seen this?

Oh, you mean...?

Oh no, this is bankrupt stock.

I hope.

You don't think...?

Help!

There you are my dear.

With compliments of the management one

pair of tweezers for the eyebrows.

- They're sold. - Sold?

Yes, Miss Travers has bought the whole lot.

- The lot? - Isn't that wonderful?

- Marvellous! - Yes, isn't it wonderful.

- Come on, let's get out of here. - Sale's over everybody.

- Have you got...? - No, sold out! Bankruptcy.

What's the hurry for? You'd think the police were after us!

They probably are.

[ LAUGHS ]

Oh!

I'm terribly sorry sir, it was my fault.

That's alright Dexter.

It's lucky I wasn't a patient with a fractured mandible.

And indeed, mine is not.

From your sense of urgency I take it none of you are proceeding to work.

Yes, sir. I mean no, sir.

- Thank you my dear. - Yes, sir.

What are you getting so worked up about?

Read that:

"Thieves raid surgical store."

"Dental instruments stolen."

- What's that got to do with us? - Plenty!

We'll talk about it upstairs.

Talk about what?

You and the Old Bailey I should think!

Me and the Old Bailey?

- No! - Yes!

I still can't think how you fell for such a thin story

as bankrupt stock.

You believed it at the auction.

That was different.

[ SARCASTIC LAUGHS ]

I needed a new set.

I didn't have time to get mine out of pawn.

The judge won't accept that as an excuse.

I know!

Let's go and tell the whole story to the Dean.

- Oh no! - What?

Not on your life!

I'd sooner be a cat in a violin factory.

What are we going to do?

Wait 'til your friend shows up...

if he does?

- Excuse me, I'm... - Mr Dexter's expecting you, sir.

Third floor, room thirteen.

Well, thank you my man.

There you are.

Heads.

You lose.

- Supposing he doesn't come? - Then he can't be sent off.

No, but we could be sent down.

[ KNOCK ]

Who is it?

It's me, Davy boy, your partner.

Well, well, well, how much did we make?

Wait a minute!

Never mind wait a minute,

we've been waiting seven hours for you.

Well you told me 7 o'clock.

Let's talk about what you told us.

Is this or is this not bankrupt stock?

Oh, so you haven't managed to sell it all?

I'm still not taking a penny less...

Answer my question!

Yeah, what was it?

- Can you read? - Please!

"Thieves raid surgical store"

"Dental instruments stolen."

Not the whole thing, isn't the headline enough?

What we want to know is were you one of these thieves?

Are you accusing me

Sammy Fields

of being one of a bunch of thieves

what raided a dental store?

- We're not accusing, we're asking. - Were you?

Certainly not!

Mr Fields, we apologise.

So I should hope, madam.

Me, one of a... bunch of thieves!

I work entirely on my own.

You work entirely on your own.

Then this is loot.

Please! Loot!

I always think that's such a...

common word.

But you said it was bankrupt stock.

I know, but some people are finickity.

Finickity! Do you realise what you've done?

You've made us accessories after the crime.

You worry too much.

Come on, hand over the money, we'll say no more about it.

We're saying plenty more about it

and you're not leaving without that case.

- What? Half empty? - No, full.

Yes.

You burgled those instruments, so you can re-burgle them

and take them back to the shop.

Well, no, I can't do that.

Because...

I've taken a vow.

We're not interested in your spiritual life!

No, I mean it.

I swore that this would be my last job.

Yes, well it's not going to be ours too.

Listen to me,

we've got to get those instruments back from the students.

Where's that list?

The money?

There you are.

You do the girls, I'll do the boys.

Lucky boys!

- There we are, one, two... - Come on, give it to me.

Right.

There you are, a pony a piece.

Thanks! Come on.

Why don't you stick your nose in your ear

and blow your brains out?

Listen,

Ethel would blow my brains out if I went back on my word

and did another job.

- Who's Ethel? - She's my partner, you know.

Not an active partner.

More of a... sleeping partner.

Do you mind?

This is sordid enough without you adding to it.

No, I don't mean that.

I mean, she drives the car, you know.

Hangs around outside with her engine running.

Must be quite a sight!

Listen,

she's a good girl, Ethel.

It was all in The News of the World.

I don't want to hear about your shenanigans with Ethel.

No, not that. I mean my horoscope.

Here we are.

There it is.

That's me, Aries the Ram.

[ SMIRKS ]

Poor Ethel!

Says here,

"This week you should start thinking about your retirement

and go after the really big job."

That's why I done it.

Well why didn't you done something bigger than dental instruments?

It was a mistake.

I thought I was doing a silversmith's next door.

And out of 6,542 dental students in London, you had to pick me.

[ KNOCK ]

- Who's that? - Flannel foot.

Flannel foot's here.

Who's he?

- Well? - Nothing

There weren't many of them in and those that were wouldn't part up.

I said the firm wanted their stock back

because they weren't bankrupt any more.

They just laughed at me.

You were lucky to get a laugh out of them.

How are we going to buy back £100 worth of instruments?

- Sam's going to cough up. - Me?

Do me a favour!

If I had £100 I'd be a millionaire.

Well...

first thing tomorrow morning

I'll go out and sell your motorcycle.

My motorcycle?

Yes, then whilst you sign me in at lectures

I'll buy as many instruments as I can.

- No! - Don't argue.

- Come on, where's yours? - Mine?

Those you took from stock.

I'm sacrificing mine.

How am I supposed to go to dental class without any instruments?

You've managed until now.

You won't need them first thing, it's comparative anatomy.

[ SIZZLE ]

I've been sterilising them.

[ KNOCK ]

Let me in.

Three shillings for that, that's all.

Oh, and these are mine, that I

bought, didn't pay for.

Goodnight.

I should keep him here until this operation is complete.

Keep me here?

Goodnight.

What about Ethel?

She'll have to wait at home with her engine running.

None of this would ever have happened

if she hadn't been wearing a tight skirt.

Come on, bed.

We've got a full day ahead and you're sleeping on the floor.

On the floor?

This is worse than prison!

If you wake up in the middle of the night

remember one thing.

- What's that? - He isn't Ethel!

Do you mind!

[ CHUCKLES ]

Do you mind!

Where are you going?

To lay out a lady.

Good luck to you, mate.

Eh?

Before we start comparative anatomy

I'd like to speak to you on the subject of students signing in.

Starting from today

all students will answer to their names

as well as signing in.

This has become necessary

because of the liberties many of you have been taking.

Very well, let us start.

- Pontefract. - Here, sir.

- Michaels. - Here, sir.

- Travers. - Here, sir.

- Cookson. - Uh-huh.

- Cookson? - Here sir.

- Bickerdyke. - Here, sir.

- Cookson.

- Cookson. - I'm still here

Why did you sign twice?

Where are you Cookson?

Coming sir.

I'm sorry sir, I was locked in the washroom and I couldn't hear you.

That's funny. We could hear you Mr Cookson.

[ LAUGHTER ]

Sir?

You've answered twice already.

Oh, yes sir...

jolly good, sir.

This just goes to illustrate

what a complete farce you've made of this attendance book.

If we turn back a few pages

we even find that these lectures have on several occasions

been attended by such people as

Julius Caesar,

Liberace,

Jane Mansfield and Jack the Ripper.

I won't attempt to call the rest of the roll.

But starting from tomorrow

all non-attendance will be reported to the Dean.

Nobody is forcing you to become dentists.

But if you don't want to

there are lots waiting to take your places.

Now,

anatomy.

Cookson?

[ BOTH ] Here sir.

What's your name?

Sam.

He's a new student sir, Sam, yes, John Sam.

John Sam, I see.

We'll come back to you, Sam.

What can you tell me about this?

Er...

It's a jawbone, sir.

Brilliant!

What jawbone?

Er...

Erm...

- It's a female on, sir. - Yes, but what kind?

Er...

Beautiful one, sir.

Miss Travers.

- I take it you know. - Oh, I do?

Oh yes, of course I do.

Well?

Well, it's a moose jaw.

It is a moose jaw, cervidae group.

Like the common cow

it has no teeth at the front of the upper jaw.

Just like Ethel's mother!

I beg your pardon?

Common cow, no teeth at the front.

- That's what I said. - I'm agreeing.

[ LAUGHTER ]

Well, it's nice to know we agree on cervidae.

Now, the comparative anatomy

of metatheria and polyprotodontia.

What do you know about that?

All teeth in the metatheria group are adapted for vegetable food

- but animals such as the wombat... - I wasn't asking you, Cookson.

Oh.

And what about the polyprotodontia?

Teeth adapted to animal food containing...

I was asking him.

Oh, sorry sir.

The polyprotodontia group

includes possums, Tasmanian devils and bandicoots.

Oh, bandicoots!

Their teeth formation runs to a pattern.

Fancy that now!

What has the female got on the upper half

that the male hasn't?

Are you kidding?

[ LAUGHTER ]

No, I am not kidding.

In fact I'm so angry

that I shall put in a report to the Dean about you.

[ YELPS ]

Now just remember

although it sounds like it

the bandicoot is not a bird.

Oh yes it is.

It's related to the ooslumbird.

Flies around in ever diminishing circles

finally disappearing...

[ BURST OF FLAME ]

The ooslumbird!

Well, he started it, the bandy old coot!

Never mind that, the point is Watling's written that report by now

and only you can pick the lock on his desk.

Have you memorised that plan of the museum?

No.

And I am not going to.

I promised Ethel I'd go straight in the future.

If the Dean sees that report you'll go straight in the fertiliser.

Yes, and us with you.

Now learn it!

As soon as it's dark, go back to the museum

and nick that report from Watling's desk

before the Dean sees it.

And why can't one of you do it?

- Because I'm much too... - Shh!

Because I'm too worried trying to replace those instruments

and David'll be busy embalming someone.

Who?

You, if you don't do as you're told

and don't point that at people.

Don't tell me how to handle one of these.

This is the first time I've really felt at home.

Oh, alright.

Six paces forward, turn left...

You only got £40 for my bicycle?

Yes, I made a down payment on eight

sets of instruments on hire purchase.

I left them in the porter's box. I thought it was safer than our room.

You're dead right.

That still leaves us £60 short.

Here we go again.

Six paces forward.

One

two

three

four

five

six.

Turn left.

Fourteen paces forward...

[ THUD ]

Blast it!

Should've been eight paces forward.

Them two are worse than Ethel.

Let's try again.

Turn left.

Ten paces forward.

One, two, three, four...

five, six, seven, eight...

[ THUD ]

Natural jaw formation, that's good.

To the right.

One, two...

[ SERIES OF LOUD BANGS ]

[ CRASH ]

[ THUD ]

Natural head case,

That makes two of us.

Ouch!

[ CLATTERING ]

Cor!

The National Health certainly made a mess of you!

I'll go quietly officer, I...

And you can stop laughing for a start!

[ CRACK ]

Ouch!

There's the desk.

That's it.

That's the one.

First time I've picked a lock with a periodontal hoe.

Lovely!

Nothing's going right today.

Ouch!

[ BREATHES HEAVILY ]

Can't beat the old fashioned jemmy.

Look at this mess.

Mustn't find me like this.

Where do they go?

There it is.

What?

The whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

[ CLICK ]

Oh!

It's you, is it, Mr Sam!

I thought I heard something.

And what brings you to the dental museum at this hour?

Er... this jaw.

It's quite a problem and I was er...

trying to get to the roots of it.

You appear to have succeeded.

Yeah, well...

I thought I'd just brush up on my lessons a bit.

And...

which lesson are you brushing up on there?

This one.

Er... well...

you see, sir...

the problem is...

what's been puzzling me is the position of the 'ampsteads.

Ampsteads?

The 'ampstead 'eath - teeth, in the human cakehole.

- In the norf and sarf. - Mouf.

Er... mouth.

That's right, I always forget that word myself.

Very commendable.

But you should've come to me if you wanted extracurricular tutelage.

Well...

if ever I want anything like that, sir

there's other places I can go to.

Well, you certainly look as if you need it.

Well, I'm worried, sir.

You see

I can't concentrate on my work

knowing about that report you wrote to the Dean being in the desk.

Oh, so that was it!

I see!

Well...

it isn't in the desk.

It's here.

Would you like to hear the substance of my report to the Dean?

Yes, very well sir.

Lectures report.

Eighteenth instant

Dear Sir,

The student John Sam

appears to me to be the epitome of all

that is retrogressive and reprehensible.

He is vacuous, indolent

disputatious and completely illiterate.

He is, in your own splendid phrase sir

a perfect coagulation of the plasma.

Cor...

And I thought you didn't like me!

What does that mean sir, a "coagulation of the plasma"?

A clot.

This report will be with the Dean first thing in the morning.

First...

thing in the morning.

[ PLAYFUL MUSIC ]

[ BOTH ] Good luck!

[ KNOCKS ]

- Mr Cookson! - Oh!

What are you doing?

Well, I was just...

tidying up.

- Well, really! - No, let me.

Can I take your stack as well Miss Brent?

But I've already got them.

Make one neat pile.

- There's no need. - That's the way.

- Yes, yes, that's the way. - Please stop!

Miss Brent.

The games room is on the second floor.

Mr Cookson, I thought you were only interested in my niece.

What is this, a rehearsal?

- Well, oh, er, I... - Get up!

Sir, I was just trying to help Miss Brent pick up her mail.

She's been trying to pick up one of those for fifteen years.

Look Cookson, I'm not so old that I

can't

remember not having tried to cut myself off a slice

in any port in a storm when you're a student.

But on our own doorstep!

Are you sure this embalming work

isn't beginning to get you down?

That's it sir.

It is getting me down sir.

I have been feeling a trifle dizzy.

In fact, if you'd excuse me sir, I'd like to lie down.

Where are you going with that mail?

Mail?

Oh, I saw a fly sir.

- Fly! I'll have it. - Yes sir.

For heaven's sake tell me what the trouble is.

- Trouble sir? - Yes, nobody visits me socially.

Er... social... ly, social, sir.

- Social? - Yes, sir...

I was just saying how I agree with what you said yesterday, sir.

Do you? I said so much yesterday.

Yes sir, you always do.

You always say so much that is wise.

For instance all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, sir.

Yeah?

Never understood why that didn't rhyme.

- No, well I... Cookson! - Yes sir?

What are you talking about?

Well, a social, sir.

Why don't we hold a social, sir?

- Oh, hold a social? - Yes, sir, for the students.

[ BUZZ ]

Would you see Detective Inspector Richardson?

Who?

Detective Inspector Richardson.

He says it's rather urgent.

Oh, well, you'd better show him in, and...

come in yourself, too, Miss Brent.

Very good.

Our little social is over for the moment, Cookson.

Yes.

The... police are here.

So I heard.

Hope you haven't been embalming anybody too soon.

Oh, my tooth!

Don't be silly, Cookson.

Detective Inspector Richardson.

Sorry to trouble you, sir.

Not at all, inspector, not at all.

Regarding my television licence

I was meaning to get one this morning but...

I'm afraid it's more serious than that, sir.

Oh, my car radio, yes...

unfortunately I had to pop over yesterday

to see my Leighton cousin in second Buzzard.

Er... my second cousin in... er... that's all Cookson.

Sir.

[ CLICK ]

Go along, Cookson.

I'll come straight to the point, sir.

Will you?

Last night a quantity of dental instruments

were stolen from Brigmore Street.

We have reason to believe the thief may have brought them here.

Here?

You mean to say you want to search my office?

By "here" I mean this hospital, sir.

Oh, extremely doubtful I think, inspector.

The only instruments here are in use by the surgeons, the students

or have been brought in by bona fide travellers.

That may well be so, sir.

But a black MG motorcar was spotted near the scene of the crime

and the number was taken.

That same car has been found abandoned near your ambulance bay.

Mr Cookson!

Ha ha. Er...

I was just trying to get Radio Luxembourg.

I think you'd better get back to your business, Mr Cookson.

Yes.

See this report goes through to the Dean right away Miss Brent.

Yes, yes.

I'm not at all well.

Splendid, you got me a cuppa.

And a bun.

[ BOTH ] Sorry!

- We've had our chips. - Had our chips?

- He's upstairs with the Dean now. - Who is?

An inspective defector.

A what?

An inspective... the police!

They found your car outside.

Towing away for parking.

Towing away for fingerprints!

Fingerprints?

They spotted his car number in Brigmore Street.

- Both of them. - No!

Cor, that's Ethel!

She must've turned all the lights on again after I turned them off.

We should've put your lights out altogether.

If it wasn't for you we wouldn't've had to go chasing after that report.

Did you get it?

And a lot of good that's going to do us!

What do we do now?

Tell them the whole story and hand it over.

With £60 short, we'd still be accessories.

Besides...

what's going to happen to me?

I can think of a lot of things that should happen to you, mate!

But not 'til we've replaced those instruments.

Ethel! Has Ethel got 60 pounds?

Only round the hips.

- Where's Peggy? - In the reading room.

Wait 'til she hears the police have arrived.

She'll want to tell the Dean the whole story.

What's more, I think she'd be right.

- What will you do now? - Talk her out of it.

Do you mind if I sit next to you?

Why not?

If you don't get those instruments back

you're not going to have much feminine

company for the next twelve months.

Shh!

Twelve months!

Not so loud. Do you want to see me go to prison?

- What's the matter with you? - Nothing.

Where were you 'til 4 o'clock last night?

What?

You were out.

You were out with somebody, weren't you?

Somebody?

Yes, I was out with somebody.

[ SARCASTIC LAUGH ]

Showing her the rudiments of dental hygiene no doubt.

No, I was er... embalming her.

Embalming her!

Well it's the first time I've ever heard it called that!

It's the first time I've called it that.

I'm glad you've smiled. I've got something to tell you.

What's the trouble now?

- Well, there's some people here... - The police! I knew...

I know you want to tell the Dean....

- No, it's gone far enough. - Just another 24 hours.

Not a minute more!

Twenty four hours.

So no trouble there.

We've got trouble here. Sam thinks they'll search the building.

Search it?

Once the cops are in, you can't get them out.

They're like woodworm.

How shall we hide the instruments from Inspector Richardson?

Inspector who?

Richardson, I told you, he's with the Dean.

Oh, crikey!

- Do you know him? - Know him!

We've been handcuffed together so often

people are beginning to think we're married.

That's all we need!

Then we must disguise him.

How can we change his face?

Let's tread on it.

Wait a minute.

Leave it to your uncle Dave.

Hello Pontefract!

Who's there, who is it?

Now wear those all the time.

If you see him coming, walk the other way.

And if you can't, blow your nose.

Blow my nose.

Look, I can't even see my hand!

Wait a minute.

If the police are here, it's madness to

leave those instruments with the porter.

I'll get them.

Don't let him out of your sight.

It's like looking through the bottom of beer bottles.

[ PUFFS AND PANTS ]

Ta.

[ SNORTS ]

Gentlemen.

Oh, yes, and ladies.

Zero minus one.

Synchronise all watches..

Now, before you... hurl yourselves on the

shuddering bodies of your victims

there are one or two final things

that I would like to say to you.

Today you start your patient handling...

technique. I hope you're with me Cookson.

Huh?

[ LAUGHTER ]

Remember that your... client

although... outwardly very composed

is inwardly... a seething mass...

of nervousness.

A nervousness which you must seek to calm

by the sheer force of your personality.

Your nervousness...

as well as his.

Further, remember...

that when your client...

diagnoses his own aches and pains

this is the one place he is almost invariably wrong.

Later on, when you get your own private practices

you may decide the patient is invariably right

in case he should place his fee elsewhere.

But here you will go by what is on each card

that each patient hands you.

Lastly...

something which I am never tired of repeating.

Dress yourself!

Do not make assignments

with patients of either sex.

In fact...

no sex at all.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I think that's all.

I have much pleasure now in declaring

this surgery well and truly open.

Open the floodgates.

Have mercy on their jaws.

Good luck everyone.

What do we do now?

Just keep quiet and do as I tell you.

Alright.

[ COMICAL MUSIC ]

I didn't know the buses come through here.

They never taught us how to take out tusks!

Broken lower molar.

Yes.

Here!

Have you ever handled broken teeth before?

Oh yes, I've broken hundreds!

- Ohhh! - Just a joke, sir!

Head back, that's it.

Alright, but it's...

Just open your mouth...

- Ah but it's... - Open!

Thank you, sir. Sit down here, would you?

And er...

What can we do for you, sir?

Whatever it is, be careful.

I'm a haemophiliac.

Don't worry mate, in a couple of years it'll all be legal!

The patient said he's a haemophiliac

that means he suffers from post-extraction haemorrhage.

That's right.

- I'm a bleeder. - Well, none of us is perfect!

Get the clotting gauze and the styptic fluid.

And put your glasses on.

- Let's have a look at this. - Do be careful!

My trouble's all in my uppers.

My bottom set's fine.

- Have you got those things? - Yep.

What's these?

It's a 32 piece dinner set.

- I want that and that. - That and that.

- Would you like to open up? - Now remember...

I bleed easy.

Yes, quite sir, now open wide.

Not that wide, I'm not going to stand inside.

That's it.

- Ouch! - Yes.

That's the one, isn't it?

I'm afraid that's going to have to come out.

- I'm having the gas, aren't I? - No, there's no need for that.

I can't take the cocaine, you know.

Oh no!

This isn't cocaine.

This is er...

analgesic xylocaine.

It's absolutely wonderful, you won't feel a thing.

Just close your eyes and the tooth will be gone in a flash.

So it has, and taken the others with it.

Well, I hope they're all as easy as that!

[ JET SPRAY NOISE ]

Card please?

Thank you.

The lot out?

Who filled in this card?

I did.

Lucy, there's nothing wrong with your teeth.

- I know, but I want them out. - Why?

Then I can show my friends my gums.

And when they say, "Lucy, where's your teeth?"

I can say, "Gone!"

And that lovely Mr Dexter did it.

Examine me.

Be a good girl, Lucy

and run back to the kitchen and warm the pot.

Are you sure you've got a broken tooth?

Yes, I think so...

Open up and let's have another look.

Open wide, sir, that's it.

- Is this right? - Er, well, erm...

Just er... let me er...

May I?

- Excuse me. - What are you doing?

- It's just the card I'm after. - Oh!

- So sorry! - Thank you so much.

- Sorry! - Yes, alright.

Er... yes.

How long's it been swollen like that?

It come up all of a sudden...

in the launderette.

Let's have a look at it.

Right.

Er...

- May I just er...? - Oh, sorry!

Yes, we'll just give that the...

the old heave-ho

and you'll be fine.

Yeah, oh, what?

You're not going to remove it?

Just a painless extraction.

Oh, no, please, I couldn't have it out.

Honestly.

Couldn't you think of something else?

Cos I can't have it out.

I think I'd rather have a baby!

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

Make up your mind before I tilt the chair.

Yes.

Well, alright.

Thank you.

Good afternoon.

Now, you're...

you're not frightened of my giving you a little injection.

No.

I'm glad one of us isn't.

[ SLURPS ]

[ SWALLOWS ]

Oh!

Beautiful!

Oh.

Splendid.

Now we'll just leave it for a little while, shall we?

Yes.

There you are, inspector.

You'll find all the instruments here.

Thank you.

What's going on here Michaels?

Nothing really, sir, except er...

the patients' got a broken tooth to come and...

we can't find it, sir.

What?

[ PATIENT TRIES TO SPEAK ]

Must be in there somewhere.

Just open your mouth please.

[ GROANS ]

Look, please don't breathe on the mirror.

No broken tooth in there. Are you sure?

I keep on trying to tell them.

I was wrestling at Wimbledon last night.

Wimbledon!

And my opponent

got a bit nasty

and it's his tooth.

It's in my leg!

It's all yours, Michaels.

Now you get it out!

[ GUFFAWS ]

For a man who's going to have a tooth out of his leg

you seem pretty cheerful.

You can't hurt me.

I'm only thinking of my opponent.

He's gone and bought one of them stereophonic gramophones...

[ HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER ]

and I've got his earhole in my pocket!

[ CACKLES ]

[ THUD ]

That was wonderful, I didn't feel a thing.

And I was so scared, too!

- Well that's very kind of you. - That's alright.

Now, just take a couple of these

when the injection wears off, and you'll find...

the swelling will start to go down.

Oh, will it? Yes that's good.

I didn't feel a thing!

- Excuse me, madam. - Yes?

Oh, I see.

You've been so kind

I'd like to accept, it's only a little

something, nothing very much really...

We're not allowed to accept money but thank you very much.

- You? - Thank you very kindly.

That's alright.

[ SNORTS ]

Cor, I felt every yank of that.

At least it's one satisfied customer.

Better stamp her card.

This isn't her card.

It's the one you've been working from.

You nit!

You gave me the wrong one. This is the bleeder's card.

Shh!

So?

So I've just pulled out a totally innocent tooth.

Oh no!

Look out! Cops!

- Get in the chair. - In the chair.

Wait a minute! I'd rather go to jail than this.

I'm not going to do anything.

- Alright mate, you be careful... - Shut up and open your mouth!

Just a moment, Cookson.

Always remove the patient's glasses first.

Then we... now, come, come...

Come on, don't get flustered. Inject!

Yes, I'm just er...

taking it slowly because the patient's nervous.

- Is he? - Thank you, sir.

Don't worry my dear fellow.

There's nothing to worry about.

I can assure you with these new syringes, you won't feel a thing.

[ SCREAM ]

What did I tell you!

[ SOBBING ]

Right then.

Who do I sue?

I'll tell you something for nothing.

I think you've got a diabolical impudence

to stand there grumbling when you got us into this

ghastly nightmare.

Did I come here asking to play dentists?

You know perfectly well I had to do that.

You were about to be recognised.

I'll never be recognised again!

Look at me!

Like a squirrel stocked up for a long winter!

You don't have to worry about your next winter.

As soon as we've got that case full

you'll take it to Inspector Richardson

and you'll say, "It's a fair cop!"

Or whatever you people say and you can hand the lot back.

The sooner the better.

I've had my bellyful of bandicoots and ooslums.

And what's more, I feel I've lost my essential dignity.

You can blow you're essential dignity!

- Your face'll go down again. - It'll go down alright.

By tomorrow night, my chin'll be down on my navel.

[ KNOCK ]

[ RASPS ] Who is it?

- Who is it? - Us.

Well?

Got another £40 worth.

Put £13 down as a first payment.

How does that leave us?

- £20 and we're home and dry. - £20!

There's only one way to get it.

- What are you looking at me for? - Not you, Ethel.

Ethel's going to get us that £20

even if she has to go out at night and work for it.

How dare you!

No! In a coffee bar.

She can make that in tips alone if she's a good girl.

She's not going to be a good girl.

In that case she'll make even more.

Listen to me...

First thing tomorrow morning, I'll go round and see Ethel

and we'll straighten out this mess that you men have made.

What's her address?

Come on, give us the address.

Take it easy, David!

Do you realise any minute now the police will knock at that door!

[ KNOCK ] Mr Cookson?

Who is it?

Dean, right away, please sir.

[ THUD ]

Are you alright, Mr Cookson?

Yes, he's alright thank you.

[ THUD ] Oh!

Get his head between his knees.

Don't want my head between my knees.

What happened?

You said, "Oh oh oh" and fainted.

The porter, did he say what I thought?

Yes he did.

Now is your chance.

Please go and see the Dean and tell him the whole story.

Would you lay out my best blue suit, please?

Why?

I want to look as smart as possible...

in the dock.

Here we are.

Ticket?

Thank you so much.

Peggy, what happened, did you find her?

Find her! Soho Street is so full of police

I think they're having a ball of their own.

Well, that means we've had it.

Look over there.

[ DRAMATIC BURST OF MUSIC ]

Move. Move!

Only one?

Oh!

Hello Ethel.

Oh.

Ha! Oh, it's Mr Richardson!

- Come to have your teeth fixed? - Yes, that's right.

Just looked over, you know, every 6 months.

Yes, it's usually 6 months, isn't it?

Yes, well it's... nice to have seen you.

You have a long wait Ethel. The surgery doesn't open 'til 3pm.

Oh, yes, yes, that's right.

I came early to... buy some tickets for the dance.

And might I ask who your partner's going to be?

There are times when coppers ought to

stick their noses in their own business!

- There you go, thank you. - Just the one, please.

- Only one? - Uh huh.

Ticket?

- Eh? - Ticket?

- Yes, alright, I'll have one. - Five shillings please.

Thanks.

Here, do you know Mr Cookson?

Mr... yes, I do.

Actually I'm looking for the gentleman who's staying with him.

Mr Sam?

Yes, that's right.

You're Ethel.

You're Ethel!

- Yes, that's right. - Why that's wonderful!

Mike, would you take over for me?

- I'd take over anything for you. - Thanks.

I'm very glad we met you.

That girl being here means one of two things.

Either Sam Field or the stuff's in this building.

[ COUGHS ]

[ BALLOON DEFLATES NOISILY ]

[ BALLOON BURSTS ]

Wait a minute.

[ BALLOON SQUEAKS ]

Do you very much mind?

What do you want?

Why didn't we think of this before?

We can phone Ethel.

You stay where you are.

- What's her phone number? - It's 00 66 73.

Got any pennies?

Why do you need pennies?

Tell the girl in the exchange you got the wrong number.

[ BALLOONS BURSTING ]

[ BALLOON BURSTS ]

Excuse me.

[ BALLOON DEFLATES NOISILY ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ AIR HISS ]

[ BALLOON BURSTS ]

[ HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER ]

[ AIR HISS ]

Come on.

[ AIR HISS ]

[ AIR HISS ]

[ AIR HISS ]

[ LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY ]

[ RINGING TONE ]

That means we've really had it.

Hey fellas, you haven't bought your lucky tickets for tonight.

You might win the big cake.

Wouldn't be much use to us without a file in it.

Pardon?

Yes, we could do with one of those too.

[ GIGGLING ]

[ AIR HISS ]

I don't believe it.

Well...

[ GIGGLES UNCONTROLLABLY ]

There's nothing like it on the instructions, is there?

[ SNORTS ]

[ CACKLES ]

Oh dear!

[ AIR HISS ]

[ CAR HORNS ]

[ BIG BAND JAZZ MUSIC ]

[ CROWD CHATTERING ]

Hello.

Well, I said I'd sort everything out and I have.

- How? - I've found Ethel.

Ethel, you've talked to her?

Yes, she came here to find Sam at lunchtime.

If she finds him, let me know.

He's scarpered, I can't find him anywhere.

Oh, I know. We helped him go.

You what?

We had to. There were police on all the exits.

So he got out onto the fire escape and over the roof.

And you let him... you must be mad!

He said he had a way to fix everything.

He's fixed everything alright. He's taken all the instruments.

The instruments?

Yes, I just went up to our room and the mattress was empty.

He's probably in Bournemouth with Ethel

by now whipping out gold fillings.

No, no. Ethel's up in my room.

What?

I kept her as a sort of... hostage.

[ LAUGHS ]

Oh, yes, I'd love to.

I'd love to dance.

But I don't want to dance. I can't dance!

That's the idea, Cookson.

A bit of joie de vivre!

I think he suggested the whole thing as an excuse to dance with you.

No sir, I assure you...

Don't give him any vital statistics.

He's an embalmer.

Ha ha, very good, sir. Would you excuse us please?

- Of course. - Thank you.

I don't understand.

Now I understand.

And you did all this for us.

I didn't do anything.

But what I didn't do, I did for you.

Oh, Peggy!

They're searching the rooms.

The police, they were on the first floor as I came down.

- Ethel! - They mustn't find Ethel.

- Ethel? - What shall we do with her?

- Ethel? - Better bring her down here

- Mix her up with the crowd. - Right.

- Ethel? - Will you stop saying Ethel?

Look at you!

Stop dancing with me!

[ DRUM ROLL ]

Quiet everyone!

If you'll all gather round, we'll draw for the prizes.

I think we'd better go up with Peggy. She may need help.

If you'd tell me what's happening, I might know what we're doing!

If some fellow would hold the drum,

we'll pick the prettiest girl in the room.

[ LAUGHTER ]

Thank you very much.

What's Ethel doing here?

Why's she in Peggy's room?

What's happening?

Which answer do you want first?

Follow me!

Sam, where've you been?

Quiet, don't wake the dead!

- Who've you got there? - Shh! In the surgery.

Come on!

Now talk... and it'd better be good!

Well, I've just got you both out of trouble.

That's the most terrifying statement I've ever heard.

You're no longer twenty quid short.

No, we're the lot short.

You swiped all the instruments out of our room!

- What? - Yes!

Don't be silly!

I brought them all down and put them in here.

What for?

You can't trust the cops, you know!

They go sniffing around rooms and things.

Yes, that's exactly what they're doing now.

You trust your old uncle Sam.

He'll see you through.

Well, we will be through if the Dean finds out about this.

The Dean...

will never know.

You mean...?

Yeah.

[ BOTH GASP ]

There's enough instruments to make up all your missing sets.

I'll tell you what to do.

Just give me 15 minutes' start,

then raise the alarm,

and tell them that you found that lot on the fire escape.

I'll tell you, mates...

Sammy Fields is always one jump ahead of the Gestapo.

Wait a minute. Where did you get these?

Well...

You know they say that a flash of lightning

never strikes twice in the same place, don't you?

- Yeah. - Well...

You're now looking at a flash of lightning what did!

You didn't go back and break into the...

Oh, safe as houses!

Yeah, went like a dream!

Of course, it was a bit tricky at first

because they boarded the door up.

So...

Would you believe it?

This time, I've...

I've gone and done the silver shop!

So this is where you are.

I've got news for you.

Ethel came downstairs and won the £20 prize.

[ ALL ] Cor!

Good old Ethel!

£20. Now we're in the clear!

Yes, but she got arrested doing it.

You're kidding!

I'm afraid not. They're all in the common room now.

They can't pin it on her.

She only sat in the car.

Where's he going?

- Now he'll get arrested. - You stay out of this!

Sorry darling!

Is that the way you usually treat your patients?

No, I...

Listen, I want to get married.

- Yes, but what about Sam? - He's not my type.

Yes, I know, but I don't want to get him arrested.

I want to ask you a question.

What is it?

Peggy, would you, do you think...?

David, there's only one thing to do now.

Take this lot in and make a full confession.

- Come on! - Now he tells us!

What do you think?

Do we have mixed jails in this country?

No, we're very backwards.

There they are!

[ CHEERS ]

Good evening.

Is this the stuff?

- Yes, I'm afraid... - It's all here except £20 worth.

Counted it too, eh? Nice work!

I'm very proud of you, Cookson.

- You are, sir? - Yes. And you, Dexter!

The man has confessed everything.

How much is "everything"?

Well, how they tackled him on the fire escape and brought him to book.

Although I must say, I'm a little surprised.

No more than we are, sir.

Because the fire escape happens to be in the women's quarters.

Better not ask what you were doing there!

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ THROAT CLEARING ]

That's very sporting of you, sir.

I wonder if it would be possible to see Sam?

The accused, sir.

I think so, you're not proposing to

slip him a hair pin and gelignite or anything, are you?

Thank you.

Got to see my dentist.

Sam, I don't know what to say to you.

- Oh, don't worry! - Thanks Sam!

Quick fellows, a tune. "For they are jolly good fellows."

? For they are jolly good fellows...

[ ALL SINGING TOGETHER ]

Here come the balloons!

[ CHEERS ]

[ BALLOONS BURSTING ]

Can you smell something?

Only coppers.

- It's nitrous oxide. - What's that?

Laughing gas!

[ ALL LAUGH ]

[ SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER ]

I demand to know

who did this, Cookson?

[ BOTH ] We did!

I've a good mind to suspend you.

- Suspend us! - For three months.

Six months... for laughing.

Open the windows!

Time to go, sir.

Goodbye sir.

You know, I've certainly become interested in the old...

what do you call it, orthodontics and that, since I've been here.

How long will you...

be away?

Oh, well, be about...

six months, will it?

[ HOWLS OF LAUGHTER ]

[ CHATTERING ]

Attention, girls.

Cor, well!

I think in six months I can deal with this lot!

[ SEDUCTIVE MUSIC ]

Phwoar!

[ CLICK ]

Oh, crikey!

[ GLASS SMASHING ]

[ WOMAN SHRIEKING ]

[ WOMAN LAUGHING LOUDLY ]

[ PLAYFUL MUSIC ]