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1
00:00:03,199 --> 00:00:05,994
Hey, you guys? What are
you doing tomorrow night?
2
00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:09,414
Oh, well, let me see.
I believe I'm...
3
00:00:09,581 --> 00:00:11,749
Yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
4
00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:16,129
Well, my agent hooked me up
with six tickets to a great play.
5
00:00:16,296 --> 00:00:17,922
I could fall asleep at a play.
6
00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:21,134
- What is it?
- It's a one-woman play called:
7
00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:24,304
Why Don '2' You Like Me?
A Bitter Woman's Journey Through Life.
8
00:00:24,471 --> 00:00:25,513
PHOEBE:
Ooh.
9
00:00:26,014 --> 00:00:28,683
- That sounds interesting.
- That does sound interesting.
10
00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:32,145
To listen to a woman complain for
two hours. I don't think it gets bet--
11
00:00:32,312 --> 00:00:33,354
[SNORES]
12
00:00:34,981 --> 00:00:38,318
I know! I know. We can drive.
We can vote. We can work.
13
00:00:38,485 --> 00:00:40,987
What more do these broads want?
14
00:00:41,821 --> 00:00:44,324
Well, you guys will have a great time.
I promise.
15
00:00:44,491 --> 00:00:46,242
What? How come you don't have to go?
16
00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:47,994
I wish I could, but I found out...
17
00:00:48,161 --> 00:00:51,664
...that I have to be at work really
early the next day, so I can't go.
18
00:00:51,831 --> 00:00:54,459
But take the extra ticket
and invite whoever you want.
19
00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:57,545
Ooh. Let's see. Who do I hate?
20
00:00:59,797 --> 00:01:01,174
Oh, sorry.
21
00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:02,967
- Oops, sorry.
- Okay.
22
00:01:03,134 --> 00:01:04,719
- Okay.
- Okay. Up you 90-
23
00:01:04,886 --> 00:01:07,096
RACHEL: Oh, gosh, okay!
- All right.
24
00:01:08,681 --> 00:01:11,434
[RACHEL GIGGLING]
25
00:01:16,731 --> 00:01:19,734
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
26
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:23,279
Do you think it's possible
for two friends to fool around...
27
00:01:23,446 --> 00:01:26,658
...and not have it be a big deal?
28
00:01:28,076 --> 00:01:30,578
No, I don't think that ever works.
Why?
29
00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:33,248
- No reason.
- No, no. Rachel?
30
00:01:33,414 --> 00:01:35,416
- Yeah.
- Who do you want to fool around with?
31
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:38,044
Nobody! Forget it.
32
00:01:38,294 --> 00:01:39,337
[BOTH WHISPERING]
Joey?
33
00:01:40,255 --> 00:01:41,881
Maybe.
34
00:01:43,049 --> 00:01:44,551
- You can't.
- Why?
35
00:01:44,717 --> 00:01:45,927
Because.
36
00:01:46,094 --> 00:01:48,221
[MUMBLING]
37
00:01:49,430 --> 00:01:52,892
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, seriously,
did not understand a word you just said.
38
00:01:53,935 --> 00:01:56,187
- In the hall.
- Okay.
39
00:01:58,856 --> 00:02:00,733
- You wanna fool around with Joey?
- Yeah.
40
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:04,445
Ever since I had that dream about him,
I can't get it out of my head.
41
00:02:04,612 --> 00:02:07,240
I mean, what's the big deal?
People do it all the time.
42
00:02:07,407 --> 00:02:10,076
Who do you know that are friends
that just fool around?
43
00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:14,497
Okay. Off the top of my head...
Don and Janet.
44
00:02:14,664 --> 00:02:17,333
- Who are they?
- I know them from work.
45
00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:20,295
- Both of them?
- No, just one of them.
46
00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:22,255
Which one?
47
00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:25,341
I don't know.
What were the names I just said?
48
00:02:25,508 --> 00:02:28,303
No, Rachel, things could get
incredibly complicated.
49
00:02:28,469 --> 00:02:31,931
You're right. I won't do anything
with Joey. I just thought it--
50
00:02:32,098 --> 00:02:36,936
Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon,
a pound of baking soda and a red onion?
51
00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:40,106
What the hell are you cooking?
52
00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:34,160
- Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
53
00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:37,205
You guys won't believe
what I have to do for work today.
54
00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:41,918
Yes, but, Ross, you chose a career
of talking about dinosaurs.
55
00:03:43,002 --> 00:03:46,506
There are these two professors
who are joining my department...
56
00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:50,718
...and I have to meet them here
and show them around campus.
57
00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,011
What's bad about that?
58
00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:54,889
I just know they'll be
a couple of old windbags...
59
00:03:55,056 --> 00:03:58,601
...wearing tweed jackets
with suede elbow patches.
60
00:03:59,602 --> 00:04:00,687
Ross?
61
00:04:00,853 --> 00:04:03,523
What? These aren't suede.
62
00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:10,196
Excuse me. I'm looking for someone.
63
00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:13,408
You don't, by any chance,
know a Ross Geller?
64
00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:14,617
No.
65
00:04:18,246 --> 00:04:21,457
Hi. Hi, I'm Ross Geller.
66
00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:25,128
- Oh, hi. I'm Professor Wheeler.
- Oh.
67
00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:28,840
Oh, that's-- That's--
That's nice.
68
00:04:29,507 --> 00:04:30,842
It's good to meet you.
69
00:04:31,008 --> 00:04:33,886
Thank you so much for taking the time
to show me around.
70
00:04:34,053 --> 00:04:35,888
No, it's no big deal.
71
00:04:36,055 --> 00:04:40,393
If I weren't doing this, I'd just,
you know, be at the gym working out.
72
00:04:41,477 --> 00:04:42,729
Is he gonna introduce us?
73
00:04:42,895 --> 00:04:46,232
I think we're just blurry shapes
to him now.
74
00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:49,402
By the way,
I really enjoyed your paper...
75
00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:53,030
...on the connection between geographic
isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
76
00:04:53,197 --> 00:04:57,160
I wrote that in one night.
77
00:04:58,870 --> 00:05:01,414
Twenty bucks says they're married
within the month.
78
00:05:02,415 --> 00:05:04,709
Well, we should probably get going.
79
00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:07,670
We've got a lot of ground to cover.
80
00:05:07,837 --> 00:05:10,548
Isn't another professor
supposed to come with us?
81
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:13,426
I don't think so.
82
00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:16,429
I'm pretty sure.
A Professor Spafford from Cornell?
83
00:05:16,596 --> 00:05:19,682
Well, he's obviously late,
and the rule in my class is:
84
00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:23,811
If you can't come on time,
then don't come at all.
85
00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:27,148
An option that many of my students use.
86
00:05:28,024 --> 00:05:30,109
- Shall we?
- We shouldn't wait for him?
87
00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:33,529
You know what, he's a big boy.
I'm sure he'll find us, okay?
88
00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:36,073
- Professor Geller?
- Oh, damn it!
89
00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:46,584
[MACHINE BEEPS]
90
00:05:46,751 --> 00:05:49,462
JAN [ON MACHINE]: Hi, it's Jan Rogers.
Can't wait for your party tonight.
91
00:05:49,629 --> 00:05:54,258
Listen, I forgot your address.
Can you give me a call? Thanks. Bye.
92
00:05:55,676 --> 00:05:57,553
- Hey!
- Hey!
93
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:58,888
What's happening?
94
00:05:59,138 --> 00:06:03,351
It's a real shame you can't make it
to that one-woman show tonight.
95
00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:06,562
I'd love to, but I gotta get up
so early the next day.
96
00:06:06,729 --> 00:06:10,441
- You know me, work comes first.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
97
00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:11,776
[MACHINE BEEPS]
98
00:06:11,943 --> 00:06:15,488
JAN: Hi, it's Jan Rogers.
Can't wait for your party tonight.
99
00:06:17,281 --> 00:06:19,575
Stupid Jan Rogers!
100
00:06:20,576 --> 00:06:22,578
You are having a party tonight?
101
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,290
I'm kind of having a thing
for the Days of our Lives people.
102
00:06:26,457 --> 00:06:27,834
You weren't gonna tell us?
103
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,419
How did you think
you'd get away with that?
104
00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:32,421
I do it every year.
105
00:06:34,048 --> 00:06:36,092
You do that every year?!
106
00:06:36,259 --> 00:06:38,427
I didn't have to tell you that!
107
00:06:38,761 --> 00:06:41,472
God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers!
108
00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:45,685
That's why you got us tickets
to that play, to get rid of us!
109
00:06:45,852 --> 00:06:46,936
Yeah.
110
00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:50,565
Last year is that why you sent us
to that Medieval Times restaurant?
111
00:06:50,731 --> 00:06:51,941
Yeah.
112
00:06:52,817 --> 00:06:57,446
The year before that, you set up that
nighttime tour of that button factory?
113
00:06:57,613 --> 00:06:59,782
I can't believe you guys went
for that one.
114
00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:03,160
Why wouldn't you invite us
to your parties?
115
00:07:03,411 --> 00:07:07,665
You're fine, okay? But everyone else acts
like an idiot around famous people.
116
00:07:07,832 --> 00:07:10,710
Well, then, so just invite me.
117
00:07:11,294 --> 00:07:14,547
Please, I was trying to be nice.
You're the worst one.
118
00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:18,718
Joey, come on! Please, please?
Let me come. I will behave. I promise.
119
00:07:18,885 --> 00:07:22,388
- I will behave. Please, please, please.
- Okay, fine. You can come.
120
00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:26,183
But don't tell anybody else.
It's up on the roof at 8.
121
00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:27,935
A soap-opera roof party?!
122
00:07:28,102 --> 00:07:31,772
I'm going to a soap-opera roof party!
Uh, my God! Oh, my God!
123
00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:36,527
And it's out of my system.
124
00:07:42,158 --> 00:07:47,747
And then my wife and I went
on a cruise to the Galépagos.
125
00:07:47,914 --> 00:07:52,126
There was a seafood buffet
you wouldn't believe.
126
00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:57,423
There were clams and mussels
and oysters...
127
00:07:57,590 --> 00:07:59,884
...and cracked crab...
128
00:08:00,051 --> 00:08:02,219
...and snow crab...
129
00:08:02,386 --> 00:08:04,889
...and king crab.
130
00:08:05,056 --> 00:08:08,184
It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
131
00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:12,688
So where did you get
your undergraduate degree?
132
00:08:12,855 --> 00:08:16,609
- And that's not all I'm allergic to.
- Oh, it's not over.
133
00:08:16,776 --> 00:08:20,905
I'm also allergic to peanuts
and cashews...
134
00:08:21,072 --> 00:08:23,240
...and almonds and filberts--
135
00:08:23,407 --> 00:08:25,076
So basically all nuts!
136
00:08:25,368 --> 00:08:27,495
Interestingly, no.
137
00:08:28,329 --> 00:08:32,166
You're kind of playing it fast and loose
with the word "interesting."
138
00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:37,546
If you'll excuse me,
I'm going to use the restroom.
139
00:08:38,756 --> 00:08:40,383
Qh, my God!
140
00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:42,718
I've lost the will to live.
141
00:08:44,428 --> 00:08:45,930
- Let's ditch him.
- What?
142
00:08:46,097 --> 00:08:48,808
While he's still in the bathroom.
I am begging you.
143
00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:52,770
Okay. Okay, fine,
but I just have one question for you.
144
00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:56,023
When we exit, should we walk or run...
145
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:58,567
...or prance or stroll--?
146
00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:03,572
Stop it! Stop it! He talks slow,
but he might pee fast. Okay, let's move!
147
00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:15,543
Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie.
148
00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:18,629
Charlie, this is Phoebe
and my sister, Monica.
149
00:09:18,796 --> 00:09:21,966
PHOEBE & MONICA: Hi.
- Charlie will be joining my department.
150
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,301
- You're a paleontologist too?
- Yeah.
151
00:09:24,635 --> 00:09:26,679
Oh, okay. Now, what do you think...
152
00:09:26,846 --> 00:09:31,183
...of Renyard's new theory of species
variegation in segmented arthropods?
153
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:36,397
I think he's a little out there,
but he does have some interesting ideas.
154
00:09:36,564 --> 00:09:38,357
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
155
00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:41,402
Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this.
Excuse me.
156
00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:44,280
Renyard's theory of species variegation?
157
00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:49,618
I saw the article on your coffee table.
I memorized the title to freak you out.
158
00:09:51,787 --> 00:09:53,456
So did you two have fun?
159
00:09:53,622 --> 00:09:56,083
Oh, my God. She's great.
160
00:09:56,250 --> 00:10:00,546
We have so much in common, and she's
just cool, you know? And funny.
161
00:10:00,713 --> 00:10:04,425
And I don't know if you've noticed,
but she's a hottie!
162
00:10:04,759 --> 00:10:05,801
Hi!
163
00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:11,766
- Hey.
PHOEBE: Hey.
164
00:10:11,932 --> 00:10:15,728
Hi, you guys. Listen, you know what,
I'm not feeling really well...
165
00:10:15,895 --> 00:10:19,315
...and I don't think I'm gonna get
to go to the play.
166
00:10:19,482 --> 00:10:20,816
Really? What's wrong?
167
00:10:20,983 --> 00:10:23,194
I don't know.
I think it's kind of serious.
168
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,822
You know, I was watching this thing
on TV this morning...
169
00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:31,243
...about Newcastle disease,
and I think I might have it.
170
00:10:31,619 --> 00:10:34,121
Newcastle disease is
a secretion-borne virus...
171
00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:37,041
...that only affects chickens
and other poultry.
172
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,961
Okay, who's this?
173
00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:44,840
I'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler.
She's a colleague.
174
00:10:45,007 --> 00:10:46,926
Hi. Well, I would shake your hand...
175
00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:50,387
...but I'm sure you don't want
to get my chicken disease.
176
00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:54,141
- Rachel, can I see you for a second?
RACHEL: Sure.
177
00:10:57,478 --> 00:10:58,938
[RACHEL GROANS]
178
00:10:59,355 --> 00:11:00,606
You're not sick.
179
00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:02,733
What? Yes, I am!
180
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:05,361
Okay, then why are you all dressed up?
181
00:11:05,569 --> 00:11:06,821
[RACHEL GASPS]
182
00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:11,408
When you're sick, you do whatever
you can to make yourself feel better.
183
00:11:12,993 --> 00:11:16,288
You just want to stay home
so you can make a move on Joey.
184
00:11:16,455 --> 00:11:19,250
No, I heard you before.
That is so not what this is.
185
00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,669
Okay, then what is this?
186
00:11:22,336 --> 00:11:23,379
Okay.
187
00:11:24,463 --> 00:11:27,633
Joey is having a secret
Days of our Lives party up on the roof.
188
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,344
And he sent you guys to the play
to get rid of you.
189
00:11:30,761 --> 00:11:32,513
What?!
190
00:11:33,347 --> 00:11:34,598
What? What's going on?
191
00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:38,394
Joey is having a secret
Days of our Lives party up on the roof!
192
00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:42,982
He didn't want you to know about it,
but I came over here to tell you.
193
00:11:43,566 --> 00:11:47,111
- You came to say you were sick.
- All right, professor or detective?
194
00:11:48,195 --> 00:11:51,824
Wait, Joey's having a party,
and he wasn't gonna invite us?
195
00:11:51,991 --> 00:11:55,578
He does it every year.
That's why he's sending you to the play.
196
00:11:55,744 --> 00:11:59,957
That's why he sent us to that medieval
restaurant and to that button factory.
197
00:12:00,124 --> 00:12:02,376
And that horrible museum tour?
198
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,503
No, I arranged that.
199
00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:08,340
[KNOCKING]
200
00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:11,302
Hey, you guys, I'm turning in.
Have fun.
201
00:12:14,722 --> 00:12:16,432
We know about your party, Joey.
202
00:12:16,599 --> 00:12:20,102
- What party?
- The game's over. Take off your robe.
203
00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:23,063
Okay, I mean...
204
00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:25,441
ALL:
No!
205
00:12:25,608 --> 00:12:28,986
Close it up! Close it up!
206
00:12:30,988 --> 00:12:32,323
Nice to meet you.
207
00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,293
JOEY:
Hey, you made it! All right!
208
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,670
Glad you could make it.
Thanks for coming.
209
00:12:47,046 --> 00:12:50,007
- Oh, my God. Kyle Lowder!
- Hi.
210
00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:52,426
I love you!
211
00:12:52,593 --> 00:12:56,263
Hey. That's why I didn't invite you.
You have to calm down, all right?
212
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:58,432
Just get yourself a drink
or something.
213
00:12:58,599 --> 00:13:01,477
Oh, yeah, that's what you want.
My inhibitions lowered.
214
00:13:01,685 --> 00:13:02,728
PHOEBE:
Hey.
215
00:13:02,895 --> 00:13:05,314
My God, can you believe
we're surrounded by all this?
216
00:13:05,481 --> 00:13:07,024
I can barely control myself.
217
00:13:07,191 --> 00:13:09,818
You might want to remember
that you're married.
218
00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:12,238
Where is Chandler anyway?
219
00:13:12,404 --> 00:13:13,989
Oh, my God! Chandler!
220
00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:23,332
Where the hell is everybody?
221
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:28,170
Why Don '2' You Like Me?
222
00:13:32,132 --> 00:13:35,386
Chapter 1: My First Period.
223
00:13:39,974 --> 00:13:42,059
Hey, Joey said no autographs.
224
00:13:42,226 --> 00:13:44,353
But if she's getting one,
I want one too!
225
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,649
"To Monica." And none of this
"best wishes" crap. I want "love."
226
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:53,862
Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was
giving me his phone number.
227
00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:56,824
Oh, man! lfl had known
I was coming to this party...
228
00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:58,867
...I never would've gotten married!
229
00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:02,121
- It was nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
230
00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,373
- Call me.
- We will!
231
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,169
- Look at you with all the guys!
- Yeah.
232
00:14:09,336 --> 00:14:10,713
I guess you've forgotten Joey.
233
00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:13,674
Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten
aboutJoey.
234
00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:16,218
And clearly, you've forgotten
about Chandler.
235
00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:19,346
Please. Chandler's
the love of my life.
236
00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:21,598
Oh, leather pants! Have mercy!
237
00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:28,564
So it's probably gonna be hard
for you to leave Boston, huh?
238
00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:32,609
Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving.
I just broke up with someone.
239
00:14:32,776 --> 00:14:35,029
Oh, so sad.
240
00:14:35,571 --> 00:14:38,282
Still, it can't be easy
for you to leave Harvard.
241
00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:42,536
Especially after working with a Nobel
Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer.
242
00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:45,748
Actually, Albie is the guy
I broke up with.
243
00:14:45,914 --> 00:14:49,043
- You dated Albert Wintermeyer?
- Yeah.
244
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:52,129
And you called him "Albie"?
245
00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:57,176
I mean, that's like calling
Albert Einstein...
246
00:14:57,968 --> 00:14:59,011
Albie.
247
00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:03,057
Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
248
00:15:03,223 --> 00:15:05,392
You think?
I mean, you dated the guy...
249
00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:09,021
...who improved the accuracy
of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
250
00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:13,525
Yes, and while that is everything
one looks for in a boyfriend...
251
00:15:13,692 --> 00:15:15,361
...he had a lot of issues.
252
00:15:15,527 --> 00:15:17,404
Oh, like what?
253
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,949
I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry.
It's just that this must be...
254
00:15:21,116 --> 00:15:25,287
...what regular people experience
when they watch Access Hollywood.
255
00:15:25,746 --> 00:15:27,498
Okay, you want the dirt?
256
00:15:27,664 --> 00:15:29,792
Albie was seriously insecure.
257
00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:33,170
He was really intimidated by the guy
I dated before him.
258
00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:36,757
Who's intimidating to a guy
who won the Nobel Prize?
259
00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:38,926
A guy who won two.
260
00:15:39,468 --> 00:15:40,761
Two? What--?
261
00:15:40,928 --> 00:15:43,889
Don't tell me you dated
Benjamin Hobart?
262
00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:45,933
Yeah, for three years.
263
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,476
Oh, my God.
264
00:15:48,352 --> 00:15:52,648
Have you ever dated someone
who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
265
00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:55,776
No.
266
00:15:56,568 --> 00:15:58,695
But there was
my first boyfriend, Billy.
267
00:15:58,862 --> 00:16:01,198
Oh, yeah? No Nobel Prizes for him?
268
00:16:01,365 --> 00:16:04,660
No, but he did just win
a MacArthur "genius grant."
269
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,663
What a loser.
270
00:16:09,248 --> 00:16:11,125
Some more wine?
271
00:16:15,295 --> 00:16:17,714
Hey, Ross. How's it going
with Charlie?
272
00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,758
Oh, great. After I finish my wine...
273
00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:23,846
...I'm gonna blow
my average-sized brains out.
274
00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:25,597
What's the matter?
275
00:16:25,764 --> 00:16:30,394
She only dates geniuses
and Nobel Prize winners.
276
00:16:30,561 --> 00:16:33,355
Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant
earlier today...
277
00:16:33,522 --> 00:16:37,860
...I put chopsticks in my mouth
and pretended to be a woolly mammoth.
278
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,279
I always loved that.
279
00:16:40,446 --> 00:16:43,949
Of course you would!
Your brains are smaller than mine!
280
00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:48,120
I can't compete with the guys
she goes out with.
281
00:16:48,287 --> 00:16:50,831
They're so out of my league.
282
00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:52,458
Qh, my God!
283
00:16:52,624 --> 00:16:54,585
- Worse?
- Oh, much, much worse.
284
00:16:54,751 --> 00:16:58,922
I did my impression of Joan Rivers
as one of the earliest amphibians.
285
00:16:59,089 --> 00:17:00,215
"Can we walk?"
286
00:17:02,426 --> 00:17:04,720
- Oh, you like that?
- No.
287
00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:06,138
What?
288
00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:09,641
Come on! I think that's funny!
289
00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:11,935
Woolly mammoth.
290
00:17:12,102 --> 00:17:13,812
L'I'S good!
291
00:17:15,939 --> 00:17:20,110
I bet you're thinking that now would be
a great time for an intermission, huh?
292
00:17:20,277 --> 00:17:22,905
Oh, yes. God, yes.
293
00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,407
Well, you're not gonna get one!
294
00:17:25,574 --> 00:17:28,994
Because in life, there are
no intermissions, people!
295
00:17:30,245 --> 00:17:34,041
Now, Chapter 7:
Divorce is a Four-Letter Word!
296
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:38,337
How could he leave me?!
297
00:17:40,088 --> 00:17:42,758
I don't know. You seem lovely.
298
00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:53,977
Ross, this is one of my costars, Dirk.
Dirk, this is my good friend Ross.
299
00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:56,563
- Nice to meet you.
- So, what show are you on?
300
00:17:56,730 --> 00:18:00,108
I'm not an actor.
I'm a professor of paleontology.
301
00:18:00,943 --> 00:18:02,694
- That's science.
- Oh.
302
00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,989
Hey, well, listen,
I play a scientist on Days.
303
00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:09,034
Yeah, my character just won
a Nobel Prize.
304
00:18:10,953 --> 00:18:15,874
Dirk was wondering about the woman
you brought and if you two are together?
305
00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,293
Oh. Well, no, but...
306
00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:22,381
I mean, she only goes out
with really, really smart guys.
307
00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:25,676
Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
308
00:18:27,386 --> 00:18:28,971
I'd lead with that.
309
00:18:31,265 --> 00:18:34,059
That's it. Just sign right on the bra.
310
00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:35,978
JOEY:
Monica!
311
00:18:36,478 --> 00:18:39,690
Don't worry, Joe.
I won't come next year!
312
00:18:43,735 --> 00:18:44,987
What the--?
313
00:18:45,153 --> 00:18:46,446
What do you got there?
314
00:18:46,613 --> 00:18:49,116
Just some boys gave me
their phone numbers.
315
00:18:49,283 --> 00:18:51,535
- Oh, really? Let me see.
- Oh.
316
00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:54,746
Damn, that's a lot of guys.
317
00:18:54,913 --> 00:18:57,207
Are you a little slutty?
318
00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:01,169
I think I am.
319
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:04,381
Let me see if I approve
of any of these clowns.
320
00:19:04,548 --> 00:19:06,800
- This guy wears a rug.
- Well...
321
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:09,386
This guy's Canadian.
322
00:19:09,886 --> 00:19:12,472
Oh, and this guy is in a cult, okay?
323
00:19:12,639 --> 00:19:17,394
It'll cost you $5000 to get to level three,
and I don't feel any different.
324
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:21,064
Pass. Pa-- Oh, pass. Pass.
325
00:19:21,231 --> 00:19:24,443
- Why? What's wrong with these guys?
- Well, nothing major.
326
00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:28,030
It's just that, you know,
they're not really good enough for you...
327
00:19:28,196 --> 00:19:30,407
...and you deserve the best.
328
00:19:30,574 --> 00:19:32,826
Joey, you're so sweet.
329
00:19:32,993 --> 00:19:37,372
It's true, but it doesn't matter. I already
know who you're going home with.
330
00:19:37,539 --> 00:19:39,249
Who?
331
00:19:42,794 --> 00:19:44,129
Me.
332
00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:45,922
What?
333
00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:48,258
Really?
334
00:19:48,592 --> 00:19:51,762
Yeah, because we live together.
It's a joke! It's a joke.
335
00:19:51,928 --> 00:19:54,222
Right! That's funny! I get it!
336
00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:57,309
- Got you!
- You're funny, Joey.
337
00:19:57,809 --> 00:19:59,561
Oh, my God.
338
00:20:05,609 --> 00:20:08,362
So how did you enjoy the play?
339
00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:13,742
Oh, my God.
Honey, I am so, so, so, so sorry.
340
00:20:13,909 --> 00:20:14,951
You should be.
341
00:20:15,118 --> 00:20:19,331
You missed the most powerful
three hours in the history of the theater.
342
00:20:19,498 --> 00:20:22,668
- You really liked it?
- Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I hated it.
343
00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:27,047
But why wouldn't I? Because as a man,
I've been trained not to listen!
344
00:20:30,008 --> 00:20:35,180
But after Chapter 16:
Fat, Single and Ready to Mingle...
345
00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:38,183
...I was uplifted.
346
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,352
- Oh, really?
- Oh, yeah.
347
00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:43,772
I had no idea the amazing journey
you go through as a woman.
348
00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:47,901
Tell me--
Tell me about your first period.
349
00:20:49,653 --> 00:20:50,904
No!
350
00:20:52,656 --> 00:20:54,282
Did somebody sign your bra?
351
00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:58,453
So I got it when I was 13.
Very difficult.
352
00:20:59,663 --> 00:21:04,334
Hey, Ross? So listen,
about you and the dinosaur girl?
353
00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:08,171
Are you really just gonna let
a couple of Nobel Prizes scare you off?
354
00:21:08,338 --> 00:21:10,674
What is that?
Come on, a piece of paper?
355
00:21:10,841 --> 00:21:12,926
It's actually a million-dollar prize.
356
00:21:13,301 --> 00:21:15,262
Go, Charlie!
357
00:21:15,804 --> 00:21:18,181
But my point is...
358
00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:22,269
...okay, so she dated them,
but she also broke up with them.
359
00:21:22,436 --> 00:21:28,024
Maybe she's looking to, you know,
slum it with some average Joe Ph.D.
360
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,989
Yeah, maybe, and I do have
my whole career in front of me.
361
00:21:34,156 --> 00:21:35,615
I mean...
362
00:21:35,782 --> 00:21:38,702
I could still win a Nobel Prize.
363
00:21:38,869 --> 00:21:44,708
Although the last two papers
I've written were widely discredited.
364
00:21:46,543 --> 00:21:51,590
You're so much more than just brains.
You are sweet and kind and funny.
365
00:21:51,882 --> 00:21:53,258
And sexy.
366
00:21:53,425 --> 00:21:56,553
Okay, well, give her a chance
to see all that.
367
00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:58,889
Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
368
00:21:59,055 --> 00:22:01,600
- Thanks. I'm gonna go find her.
- Good for you.
369
00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:06,688
Your paper on punctuated equilibrium
in the Devonian Era was topnotch.
370
00:22:06,855 --> 00:22:08,857
Stop going through my stuff!
371
00:22:11,943 --> 00:22:13,195
- Hey.
MONICA: Hey.
372
00:22:13,361 --> 00:22:16,198
I just wanted to let you know
I've changed my mind.
373
00:22:16,364 --> 00:22:18,408
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna kiss Joey.
374
00:22:18,575 --> 00:22:22,037
No! You can't!
Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
375
00:22:22,204 --> 00:22:24,247
Please! What about you and Chandler?
376
00:22:24,414 --> 00:22:27,375
That's different.
I was drunk and stupid.
377
00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:29,878
Well, hello?
378
00:22:30,796 --> 00:22:34,257
What about all the guys that you got
the phone numbers from?
379
00:22:34,424 --> 00:22:37,010
- Why don't you just kiss one of them.
- I could...
380
00:22:37,177 --> 00:22:40,722
...but I don't want to.
I want to kiss Joey.
381
00:22:41,389 --> 00:22:45,393
All right. I think it's a big mistake,
but it's your decision.
382
00:22:50,148 --> 00:22:51,274
I'm gonna do it.
383
00:22:51,441 --> 00:22:54,361
- And I can't stop you?
- No.
384
00:23:07,457 --> 00:23:10,710
Hey, Rach, have you seen
Charlie anywhere?
385
00:23:16,466 --> 00:23:18,844
I'm smarter than him!
386
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,478
Hey, thank you so much
for these tickets, Chandler.
387
00:23:28,645 --> 00:23:33,024
This was a really important experience
for me. I wanted to share it with you.
388
00:23:33,191 --> 00:23:34,985
You're so wonderful.
389
00:23:36,319 --> 00:23:38,405
Why Don '2' You Like Me?
390
00:23:39,865 --> 00:23:43,285
Chapter 1: My First Period.
391
00:23:45,287 --> 00:23:48,790
I can't believe you guys bought that.
Enjoy your slow death.
392
00:23:53,753 --> 00:23:55,755
[English - US - SDH]
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