Original subtitles

Hey. Hey, honey.

Do you remember that you asked me to get you

ELO tickets? Hmm?

So annoying people can't recycle.

Like, what the actual fuck?

Okay, so, do you not want to go anymore?

Mom, I'm in the middle of something.

Okay, so what night would you like to go?

What are you talking about?

Hey. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, what time?

Uh-huh.

Mom! Mom!

Mom!

Yes? H-How may I help you?

I'm going to Melrose with Jason.

Do you have any money so I can get... lunch or something?

Okay. Frankie.

I was trying to be nice by getting you tickets to a show

that you begged me to get you tickets for.

Then you were rude, and then,

you ask me for money without even apologizing.

Do you think that's a fair assessment

of what just happened?

Frankie, this is where you say,

"Mom, I'm sorry for being a little dick,

and I really appreciate you getting me the tickets

and taking the time.

Also, may I please

have some spending money?"

Fine. Don't give me the money.

I'll get some weirdo to buy me lunch

and maybe he'll traffic me

and you can live with that for the rest of your life.

Mom. Mom, I'm trapped. Mom?

Mom, are you out there?

Mom, let me out.

Mom! I can't get out!

Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com

Hi. Oh.

Hi, Sam. Thanks for the marinated ribs last Tuesday.

Um, oh, God. So embarrassing.

You didn't have to bringthe truck. I mean, is this okay?

Is it out of bounds

to call you guys for something like this?

No, it's standard procedure, it's what we're here for.

You won't believe the things people call us about.

Right, Cap?

All right. Come on through.

I'll show you where the emergency is.

It's Frankie's room. Thank you.

Hi. Sorry. Thanks.

My pleasure. Must've been the wind, huh?

Seems to have been slammed pretty hard.

These old doors, they get stuck all the time.

- Okay. You're free. - Thanks, guys.

- Bye, now. - Take care.

Happy Mother's Day.

You're welcome!

Ugh.

Okay.

And so it begins. Come on, Chewy.

Okay.

"Pour half of the MiraLAX solution...

"the water... Mix until

it is dissolved completely."

Blah, blah, blah.

"Mix with any clear liquid,

not red."

Hello. Hi, Dr. Santoro.

Hi, Sam, how are you doing?

Thank you for calling me back.

I'm sorry to bother you. I didn't mean to disturb you.

- Am I disturbing you? - It's fine.

My daughter is visiting me from out of town.

So, how are you doing?

- Any movement? - Nope.

There's no movement yet. Nothing, no poop, no caca.

It'll come.

You have to push liquids for now.

Ha! Field of Dreams.

If you push them, shit will come.

Sam.

You're wonderful.

Thank you so much, Dr. Santoro.

I'll see you tomorrow for my big opening!

Have a good night, Sam.

See you tomorrow.

D...

Oh my God.

This woman is crazy. But I love her.

Oh, wait.

Here we go.

Nope. Nothing.

"A sheepdog had not a good master,

"but, on the contrary, one who let him suffer hunger.

"As he could stay no longer with him,

- he went quite sadly..." - Oh.

Oh.

Honey? Honey?

I love you. I love you.

Good night. Mm!

I love you. Finish the book.

I love you. Honey, honey.

Mommy's got to go to her own toilet now.

Mom?

You're scaring me.

I put extra toilet paper in the bathroom for you, Mom.

And don't forget to put Vaselineon your butthole.

Love you.

Okay, I'm gonna leave them out here.

Yes.

Ooh!

Oh, my God.

No, no, no.

Shoo! Shoo! Out.

But I love nursing still, 'cause I get to be of service.

Yeah. I hear it's harderto be a nurse than be a doctor.

One hundo-P.

Right this way, ma'am.

- After you. - Thank you.

Hi, ladies.

- Hi. - Hi.

How's everything?

- Good. How are you? - Good. Good. Thank you.

Oh, you're gonna put an I.V. in, huh?

Yeah.

Okay.

You're okay.

You're okay.

- You're okay. - You're okay.

- You're totally okay. - You're okay.

You're so okay.

- You're okay. - You...

Thank you.

- That was good. - Good.

Ah. Farsi...

Um, no.

I wish I spoke more Farsi, but I really like it a lot.

I have... I have a lot of deusts.

My family and I celebrate Chaharshanbe Suri every year.

Ah, how cool. Chaharshanbe Suri...

- Exactly. - Huh?

Okay. You did great.

You did great.

How do you say "thank you"?

Say "merci."

Oh, merci. I know.

Merci.

Your doctor's gonna be with you soon, okay?

Merci.

She's so pretty.

- I know. - Beautiful.

- Gorgeous. The hair kills me. - Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. I'm Roy.

I'm your nurse anesthetist.

Tell me, are you allergic to eggs or soy?

Why? Are you gonna cook for me?

That's too funny.

No, those are in one of our solutions.

No, I'm not allergic to those, but can you please arrange

for a pleasant dream while I'm under?

Oh, that's my specialty, dear.

All right.

Cute.

Okay, Nurse Roy.

You'll have dreams about him.

Guess what my specialty is.

Hi, Sam.

Hi, Dr. Santoro.

Please don't tear my butthole.

You know I do a thousand of these a year, right?

I don't know why you'd want to, but okay, if you say so.

All right.

Let's turn you on your left side, hmm?

Is it happening?

Am I on drugs yet?

Not yet, dear. You'll know when.

So, I tell all my creative people

to think of something fabulous.

Think of an idea, and your mind will go to incredible places.

Think of something specific.

All right.

Go ahead, do me a favor.

Count backwards from five.

Okay. Five, four...

- Mm. Mm. - Mm, mm.

So good. Delicious.

Yeah. Just take a big swig.

A big swig. All the way.

Come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Mm!

Sorry about that.

No problem.

Hi. You okay?

- How you doing? - Did you hear that?

You okay?

- Yes. I'm great. - Hi. Hi.

I want to go. I'm ready to go.

- Can we go? Let's go. - Okay.

Your-your phone has been blowing up.

Max found an apartment in Hollywood,

and she needs you to put a deposit down

in, like, five minutes.

What? Excuse me?

Please, I'm a little busy right now.

- God. - Hi, Sam. How you feeling?

Hi. Um, good.

Am... are we discharged?

Well, I'm really glad we did this.

Let me pull up a chair.

Ohp. Oh. The chair slide.

She's getting a chair. She's coming in close.

- That's not good, Sunny. - It's okay. I'm right here.

Okay. See this?

That is a polyp.

I have a polyp?

Two of 'em.

Here and here.

- See it? - Mm-hmm.

So I removed the polyps, and I tattooed both areas

just so I know where they are next time I go back in there.

- I have tattoos now. - Two of 'em.

There was also another thing.

See this red ridge that's up near your appendix?

So I scraped that off, I took samples,

I looked at it on a plate.

It probably is nothing.

- But it could be a malignant... - Wait, what?

...polyp.

- Mmm. - If it is,

it means that I would have to gothrough your bellybutton

and remove it laparoscopically.

Easily extricated and done in an outpatient procedure.

Polyp.

Polyp. Polyp is a funny word.

I mean, not really so much in this instance,

pertaining to me, but... Polyp, though.

Ps are funny.

Oy.

- Uh, can we go? - Can... Yeah.

Because I really want to get my body over a toilet.

Ah, that's just air.

And yes, you can go.

And have a glass of wine tonight.

You probably have some anxiety from all this.

I don't.

I mean, I didn't, but actually, now I do,

and I really do have to poop.

That's just air.

I don't think so.

I don't believe you.

- I can't... this can't possibly... - Try to get...

Oh.

It was just air.

Sorry.

Oh, God.

- That's better. - Whoo!

- Yeah. - Thanks, Dr. Santoro.

In future, Sam:

no tampons, no Q-tips, no Kleenex, nothing.

Only caca.

We know that, Lev.

We only put caca in the toilets here.

Four ladies in the house cannot have such big caca.

Impossible.

You don't know these ladies

and you don't know our cacas.

Oh. Oh, here's the nice soap.

Ah, of course.

Yes.

Plus, I need to replace this toilet, it's old.

You need more horsepower.

Exactly. I'm tired of plunging it.

- How much you want to spend? - I don't care.

I just want one that is never gonna clog on me again.

Okay.

If you have YouTube, I have toilet for you.

I can show you.

Oh.

Okay.

Okay.

Ah, just... put this right there.

Okay, this is Bentley of toilets.

They have in prisons so criminals cannot flood cells.

Oh, my God! Lev!

Yes!

That's the one!

Amazing, right? Keep watching.

Are those golf balls?

I love this thing!

If you want, you can flush a small dog

or even a kilo of cocaine.

I want it.

I want it. Seriously.

When can I get one?

- I can get one for you and install. - Thank you.

Uh, tonight I go to Torrance, and I pick up toilets

and install for you tomorrow.

You're amazing.

High-five, then.

Oh. Lev, you know I can't...

No offense.

- Ah. Uh... None taken. - Yeah.

So, this is it.

The last session.

Yep.

How do you feel about that?

I don't know, Doc. How do you feel about it?

I don't know, Ms. Fox, how do you feel about it?

I feel like...

Xanax tonight?

Hey.

My prescription was for sleep, anxiety and four sessions.

Ding.

Look, uh...

Uh, these sessions...

I-It's kind of...

Well, it's not kind of, it's really not okay.

Why?

- It isn't therapy, Sam. And... - Yes, it is.

I'm sitting here talking, you're listening...

This is therapy. If this isn't therapy, what is it?

But you're not talking, Sam. You're not.

And maybe you would have openedup to some other therapist

who doesn't have a past with you.

I should have referred you out,

I really, really should have.

Hippocratic oath and shit.

Why didn't you and shit?

Why didn't I?

That's a good question.

That's a good... Well, why didn't I?

Well, I guess because I wanted to see you again.

And I really wasn't thinking about anything else.

And to think I opened up all my traumas to you.

You didn't open up anything to me.

Y-You don't want therapy.

Therapy is not for you.

What's that supposed to mean? I could be good at therapy.

If I tried.

Okay, tell me about your ex-husband.

What? Are you insane?

I'm not talking about that. Ew.

- Tell me about your father. - No.

- What about your mother? - Oh, God, no. No way.

Okay, okay, so we're not gonna talk about your failed marriage,

nothing about your family,

or about your childhood,

or about your sex life

or your dreams.

Nothing about your dating life

or what gives you meaning

or even the loneliness,

the-the loneliness that we all feel.

Nope.

Nope, absolutely... nope.

All right, Sam.

You're being emotional eel slippery.

And I have to say that, for someone like me,

who-who-who loves to indulge

in talking about everything...

it's kind of hot.

It is?

Yeah, but you're just playing a game, and...

it's gonna catch up to you.

Yeah, probably.

But not today?

- Nope. - No.

All right, well, we still have some...

some time left in this session.

How do you want to spend it?

I don't know, Doc.

How do you want to spend it?

Hey, it's your dime.

Uh, it's completely up to you, Sam.

I'll do whatever you tell me.

I'll do...

whatever you tell me.

Well...

well, I want you to come over here

and sit next to me on this bench.

Just like you did on that benchthat day at Camp Teak,

when we were watchingthe counselors put on that play.

And I want you to look at me

just like you looked at me that day, like...

like, "Oops, sorry about that."

But then I want you to leave your foot there

and not say a word.

Just like you did for the whole play back then.

That's what I want you to do.

I want you to do that.

Right now.

That would be...

incredibly inappropriate.

I've had blue balls of the heart for you for over 30 years.

Mm.

And you are officially fired as my patient.

Mm.

Well, I guess that's all the time we have for today, Doc.

Okay, I'll just get my...

Thank you.

Oh, my God!

Yes!

Let's try potatoes.

Or a shampoo bottle.

Okay, one more, though.

- What are you doing? - Mom.

Yo, this thing is incredible. This is the third towel

we've flushed down this thing.

Frankie.

Why are you flushing our towels down the toilet?

Mom, can we name the toilet?

It deserves a name like...

Balthazar or Abigail.

Or Slender Man.

I know.

But quit flushing our towels down the toilet.

- You crazy? - Last one.

Hey! No!

Quit it!

I don't know you. Who are you?

I'm Quaker, Frankie's friend.

Oh. Hi.

Have fun.

Don't sleep over.

Good night.

Yes.