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1
00:00:05,155 --> 00:00:07,522
I had a terrific weekend, Daddy.
2
00:00:07,558 --> 00:00:08,874
Me, too, sweetheart.
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,286
Kiss Uncle Oscar good-bye.
4
00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:11,688
Nice seeing you, Edna.
Bye-bye, Uncle Oscar.
5
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,256
Don't you ever use a glass?
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,280
I like that good can taste.
7
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:16,715
Mmm, mm, mm.
8
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,162
Stop. You'll corrupt my child.
9
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,352
When's dinner? When's dinner?
10
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,587
Soon, soon.
11
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:22,766
Thanks again, Daddy.
12
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:23,756
You forgot your purse.
13
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,034
Oh.
14
00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:27,526
And you forgot the most
important thing... your present.
15
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:28,960
Your opera album.
16
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,036
It's not every little girl
17
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,564
who gets the new
Beverly Sills opera album,
18
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:35,700
Arias But Goodies.
19
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,180
It's autographed,
so it's very valuable.
20
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,370
You take good care of this.
21
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,738
What are we gonna
do next weekend?
22
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,240
Anything you say, Daddy.
23
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,575
Yeah? Y-You want
to go to Radio City?
24
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,472
Oh, I did that last
Tuesday with Uncle Bill.
25
00:00:45,496 --> 00:00:47,896
Uncle Bill?
26
00:00:47,932 --> 00:00:49,164
You don't have an Uncle Bill.
27
00:00:49,199 --> 00:00:51,834
Well, he's sort of an uncle.
28
00:00:51,869 --> 00:00:54,169
What do you mean,
"sort of an uncle"?
29
00:00:54,205 --> 00:00:55,804
No such thing as
sort of an uncle.
30
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,372
Either he's married
to your aunt, or...
31
00:00:57,407 --> 00:00:58,724
or he's something else.
32
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:02,527
Well, I wasn't supposed
to say anything, but...
33
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,842
he's Mom's boyfriend.
34
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,833
Daddy!
35
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,668
The album!
36
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:11,837
It's only a record.
37
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,004
Go push the elevator button.
38
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,106
I'm gonna take you home.
39
00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:15,181
Okay.
40
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:17,342
Hey!
41
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:18,610
You forget about dinner?
42
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:21,179
Cook your own dinner, buster!
43
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,318
♪ ♪
44
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,386
♪ ♪
45
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,367
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
46
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:53,371
Hi, Mom!
47
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:54,673
Oh, hi, darling.
48
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,243
Felix!
49
00:02:58,278 --> 00:02:59,578
Hello, Gloria.
50
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,213
I brought Edna home.
51
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:02,847
I see that.
52
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:03,848
Hi, Dad.
53
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:04,982
Hello, Leonard.
54
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,486
You need a haircut.
55
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,522
All right, children, I want
to talk to your mother.
56
00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:11,656
Go to your rooms.
57
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,957
Go to your rooms!
58
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:20,198
Is something wrong, Felix?
59
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,199
All right.
60
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,201
Where is he?
61
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:23,702
Who?
62
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,537
Uncle Bill.
63
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:26,538
Who?
64
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,872
Bill. William.
65
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,868
What do you call
him, “Wild Willie”?
66
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,078
Now I understand.
67
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,546
I thought you might.
68
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,632
Where is he hiding?
In the closet?!
69
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,595
Under the beds?! He's not here.
70
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,697
That's a hot one.
Tell me another.
71
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,221
Felix, please don't
make a scene.
72
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:44,367
What's this?
73
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:48,226
Booties for Uncle Bill Jr.?
74
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:49,728
If you must know, we broke up.
75
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:50,907
Oh, really?
76
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,365
Just a fast fling in the
balcony at Radio City
77
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,161
and then onto the
next uncle, is that it?
78
00:03:55,185 --> 00:03:57,886
We just broke up,
and I really don't think
79
00:03:57,921 --> 00:03:59,282
it's any of your
business, Felix.
80
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,640
None of my business?
81
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,309
None of my business?!
82
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:06,645
You're making a mockery
of our entire divorce!
83
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,513
Oh, what am I saying? Felix.
84
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:11,516
Please. Now, calm down.
85
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,518
I'm sorry, Gloria.
86
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,654
It just drives me insane
87
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,533
to think of you
with another man.
88
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,385
It always has,
and it always will.
89
00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:21,209
I understand how you feel.
90
00:04:21,244 --> 00:04:23,945
We should be together, Gloria.
91
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,315
Take me back.
92
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,317
Felix, we tried that ten times.
93
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,852
Eleven, including our marriage.
94
00:04:30,887 --> 00:04:33,447
Let's make it an
even dozen, huh?
95
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:35,340
Felix, it's no use.
96
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:36,386
Why not?
97
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:38,020
I'll be good this
time. I promise.
98
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,312
You always promise and
you start out being good,
99
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,531
and then two days later,
you're back to criticizing
100
00:04:42,566 --> 00:04:44,210
and Finicky Felix. What finicky?
101
00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:46,112
Well, for instance, when
I get up in the morning,
102
00:04:46,136 --> 00:04:48,820
I don't like to see
my clothes all laid out.
103
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,222
I mean, I'd like
to dress myself.
104
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,817
You're into women's
lib now, aren't you?
105
00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:57,028
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
106
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,142
I'm not asking anymore, Gloria,
107
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,500
I'm begging.
108
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,301
Take me back.
109
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:04,503
I can't.
110
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,182
Gloria, if you
don't take me back,
111
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,905
I'll do something crazy.
112
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,509
That figures.
113
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,345
Take me back or I'll jump.
114
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:14,629
It's no use, Felix.
115
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,683
Take me back or I'll jump.
116
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,584
Then jump.
117
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:31,095
You didn't think I'd go
through with it, did you?
118
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:36,851
Boy.
119
00:05:36,886 --> 00:05:38,386
I don't believe this.
120
00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:40,188
Felix letting you
cook your own dinner.
121
00:05:40,224 --> 00:05:42,335
Well, I'm a good cook, Murray.
122
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:45,638
Help me, will you? Yeah.
123
00:05:45,662 --> 00:05:46,628
Okay.
124
00:05:46,663 --> 00:05:47,629
Okay, watch it.
125
00:05:47,664 --> 00:05:48,944
Here it comes.
126
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,032
Ohh. Smell that aroma?
127
00:05:52,236 --> 00:05:55,803
Not so hard. You'll
inhale the crust!
128
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:01,292
You know, I got this recipe
out of The Racing Digest.
129
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:03,640
Horses love it, too, you know.
130
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:05,308
Okay, now, first
thing we gotta do...
131
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:08,099
I remember. Potato
chips gently crushed.
132
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,267
Gently crushed.
133
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:13,972
There we go.
134
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,306
Now, gently, see.
135
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:18,293
And now you put in
these sardines, see.
136
00:06:18,328 --> 00:06:19,294
All right, in, everybody.
137
00:06:19,329 --> 00:06:20,606
Jump in. Jump in.
138
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,841
There you go.
139
00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:23,465
Pretty little things.
140
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:25,678
Sardines... Now, so
it'll make it look pretty,
141
00:06:25,702 --> 00:06:27,112
you gotta put a
little green around it.
142
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:28,347
What do you think I've got?
143
00:06:28,371 --> 00:06:30,171
Here. Dill pickles.
144
00:06:30,207 --> 00:06:31,317
Make it look terrific, see.
145
00:06:31,341 --> 00:06:32,651
Right around there like that.
146
00:06:32,675 --> 00:06:34,187
Now, what do you
think I put in next?
147
00:06:34,211 --> 00:06:36,511
Peanut butter.
148
00:06:36,547 --> 00:06:37,774
Peanut butter?
149
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,865
No, nutsy.
150
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,211
You put in... where is it?
151
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,012
I had it right... There it is.
152
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,316
We put whipped cream on it.
153
00:06:45,388 --> 00:06:47,722
You know, that's
my favorite, Oscar.
154
00:06:47,757 --> 00:06:49,040
Is it?
155
00:06:54,698 --> 00:06:56,163
Hi, Felix.
156
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,350
Hello, Murray.
157
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:00,551
How are you?
158
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,621
I'm fine.
159
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,206
What's all that mess in there?
160
00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,608
You told me I could
cook my own dinner.
161
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:07,959
I'm gonna clean it all up.
162
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,204
Doesn't matter.
163
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:10,829
Life is too short
164
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,384
to worry about a filthy kitchen.
165
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,600
Cook, eat anything you want.
166
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:16,915
I'm going to my room.
167
00:07:19,872 --> 00:07:21,739
It doesn't matter?
168
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,819
He must be sick.
169
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,026
It's gotta be Gloria.
170
00:07:25,061 --> 00:07:26,961
She hates me.
171
00:07:26,997 --> 00:07:30,297
She hates me not.
172
00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:31,499
She hates me.
173
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:36,270
She hates...
174
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:44,946
What are you doing, buddy?
175
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:50,452
Waiting for the pigeons to
give me room on the ledge.
176
00:07:50,487 --> 00:07:51,986
Filth.
177
00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:54,723
Hey, you shouldn't
keep the window open.
178
00:07:54,758 --> 00:07:56,869
The pollution count is so high,
179
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,477
they had to call the baseball
game today on account of soot.
180
00:08:01,464 --> 00:08:03,597
Okay...
181
00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:06,267
As man to nut,
what is it this time?
182
00:08:06,303 --> 00:08:08,503
You haven't been out
on the ledge in two years.
183
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,157
Is it Gloria?
184
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,292
I went over to her house.
185
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,578
I ruined our relationship
all over again.
186
00:08:16,613 --> 00:08:17,757
Why do you keep doing that?
187
00:08:17,781 --> 00:08:19,748
I can't help myself.
188
00:08:19,783 --> 00:08:22,483
I drive her crazy.
189
00:08:22,518 --> 00:08:25,854
A marriage counselor kicked
me out of his office once.
190
00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:27,638
He wrote on my chart, "Lunatic!"
191
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,509
Oh, I don't blame Gloria.
192
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:33,222
It's impossible to
be married to me.
193
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,324
It takes two to make
a rotten marriage.
194
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,193
Look, we all have
our faults, you know.
195
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,649
Faults?
196
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,652
We had a maid who came in
to clean up three times a week.
197
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,521
And on the other
days, Gloria cleaned.
198
00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:46,191
And at night, when they
were both finished, I'd go in,
199
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,526
I'd clean the whole
place all over again.
200
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:52,447
I can't help it, I
like things clean.
201
00:08:52,482 --> 00:08:54,182
Blame it on my mother.
202
00:08:54,217 --> 00:08:56,177
I was toilet trained
at five months.
203
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,705
How can you remember
things like that?
204
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:05,476
At seven months, I
was training others.
205
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,612
I loused up the marriage.
206
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:09,748
Nothing was ever right.
207
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,950
Dumb, stupid idiot!
208
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,284
I belong on the ledge.
209
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:14,485
Pigeons, get off there!
210
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,021
Oh!
211
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,291
Felix, look, don't you
know you can't change?
212
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,492
You can't compromise.
213
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:23,161
Why don't you
accept what you are...
214
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,830
The fussiest man
I've ever known.
215
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,499
Gloria called me
"Finicky Felix."
216
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,635
Finicky? I like that
better than “fussy.”
217
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,654
Help me. Help me, Oscar.
218
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:34,500
Help me to unfinick myself.
219
00:09:34,524 --> 00:09:36,102
You wouldn't even try. I would.
220
00:09:36,126 --> 00:09:37,336
I'd do anything,
No, you wouldn't.
221
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,771
Anything to get Gloria back.
222
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,256
You would try? Anything.
223
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,325
All right, you're very finicky
about food, right? Yes.
224
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,189
Come out and share
that dinner with me tonight.
225
00:09:47,203 --> 00:09:48,703
I'd rather die.
226
00:09:48,738 --> 00:09:49,937
Finicky Felix, Finicky Felix.
227
00:09:49,972 --> 00:09:51,584
I'll do it, I'll
do it. I'll do it!
228
00:09:51,608 --> 00:09:53,219
All right. I'll call you
when dinner's ready.
229
00:09:53,243 --> 00:09:54,642
And you're going
to love this food.
230
00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:55,643
I'm telling you.
231
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,645
Athletes train on it.
232
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:58,646
What athletes?
233
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,933
Oh, Whirlaway,
Citation, Man O' War.
234
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,636
They're horses.
235
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:13,561
Mmm.
236
00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:16,498
Smells... powerful.
237
00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:19,334
You're gonna love it, buddy.
238
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,601
You're gonna love it.
239
00:10:20,637 --> 00:10:21,814
Paper plates.
240
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,883
Well, I figure you gotta
eat off something, you know.
241
00:10:23,907 --> 00:10:24,872
Uh-huh.
242
00:10:24,908 --> 00:10:26,207
Where is the salad?
243
00:10:26,243 --> 00:10:27,659
Where is the appetizer?
244
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,294
Well, it's all in here.
245
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,332
What do you call that mélange?
246
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,800
Goop.
247
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,004
"Goop"? Yeah.
248
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,706
But I like what you
called it better... mélange.
249
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,853
From now on, I'm gonna
call it "goop mélange."
250
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,554
That's nice. Goop mélange?
251
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:46,711
Yeah.
252
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:48,713
Uh-huh. Well...
253
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:50,381
Dig in. You're
gonna like it, buddy.
254
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:51,916
Uh-huh.
255
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,584
Little plastic forks.
256
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:54,730
That's cute.
257
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:55,932
Mine has a crack.
258
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,121
The dishwasher broke it.
259
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,667
Uh-huh. Now, will
you stop stalling?
260
00:10:58,691 --> 00:11:00,269
Will you eat, please?
Go ahead. You first.
261
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,425
I'm eating.
262
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:02,955
What do we wash
this down with? Beer.
263
00:11:02,979 --> 00:11:04,312
Here's a beer. No glass?
264
00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:05,647
Uh-uh.
265
00:11:05,682 --> 00:11:08,667
Wouldn't want to miss
that good can taste.
266
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:11,002
Oh, Felix...
267
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,538
Outside of you, I'm
the best cook I know.
268
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,506
This is top-notch goop mélange.
269
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,375
Dig in. Dig in. Come on.
270
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,011
Well, up to the
teeth, over the gums,
271
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,926
look out stomach, here it comes.
272
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:25,500
What do you think?
273
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,696
Spies should have
this under their tongues
274
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,114
in case of capture.
275
00:11:42,252 --> 00:11:43,684
No wonder. You're right!
276
00:11:43,719 --> 00:11:45,353
What it needs is some ketchup.
277
00:11:45,388 --> 00:11:46,354
There you go.
278
00:11:46,389 --> 00:11:47,555
I forgot about that.
279
00:11:47,590 --> 00:11:49,868
That's what was missing... red.
280
00:11:49,892 --> 00:11:51,259
Do you always complain like this
281
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,438
about everything that Gloria...?
282
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:53,705
You're right. You're
right. You're right.
283
00:11:53,729 --> 00:11:55,241
If I can eat this
without complaining,
284
00:11:55,265 --> 00:11:57,709
I can eat anything Gloria
puts in front of me. Okay.
285
00:11:57,733 --> 00:11:59,200
Now take a big, juicy mouthful.
286
00:11:59,235 --> 00:12:00,235
Come on.
287
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:05,723
Attaboy.
288
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:06,725
Huh?
289
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,159
Now, give it a chance to settle.
290
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,772
It's terrific once
you get used to it.
291
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:11,162
You're gonna love it.
292
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,375
I knew he couldn't take it.
293
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,356
Ready for another bite.
294
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,679
Good boy.
295
00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:29,892
Oscar, what a surprise!
296
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,682
Yeah, well, I want
to talk to you, Gloria.
297
00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:34,551
What's that? Oh,
this? It's goop mélange.
298
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,020
Goop mélange? What..?
299
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:37,233
Well, it's evidence
is what it is.
300
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,267
For what?
301
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,341
I'm worried about
Felix. He's sick.
302
00:12:40,376 --> 00:12:41,553
If Felix were sick,
303
00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:43,305
he would've called
me 25 times today.
304
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,130
You're talking
about the old Felix.
305
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,464
Oh, there's a new Felix?
306
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,566
See, I made this last night.
307
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,803
Boy, it went bad fast.
308
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:54,471
That's the way it's
supposed to smell.
309
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,440
Everybody has the same reaction.
310
00:12:56,475 --> 00:13:00,195
Halfway down here they
kicked me off the bus.
311
00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:02,797
Then I grabbed a cab.
312
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:04,872
The driver made me
put this in the trunk.
313
00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:06,951
It's supposed to smell that way.
314
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:08,218
The only thing bad with this
315
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:10,049
is it has everything
in it that Felix hates,
316
00:13:10,073 --> 00:13:12,407
but, yet, Gloria, he
ate this last night.
317
00:13:12,442 --> 00:13:13,792
Why?
318
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:17,378
Because he wants to get
over being finicky... for you.
319
00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:19,497
You know what else he did?
320
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,249
He slept in my room last night.
321
00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:22,884
I don't believe it.
322
00:13:22,919 --> 00:13:24,285
Well, you should.
323
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:25,452
And I'm worried about him.
324
00:13:25,488 --> 00:13:26,820
He's got a terrible cold.
325
00:13:26,856 --> 00:13:29,456
Dr. Melnitz said that
in 25 years of practice,
326
00:13:29,492 --> 00:13:31,759
it's the worst clogged
head he's ever seen.
327
00:13:31,794 --> 00:13:33,739
And Felix is making those
sounds that's driving me...
328
00:13:33,763 --> 00:13:35,997
I know those...
329
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:37,564
I know those sounds.
330
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,845
Yeah, and he swore he's gonna
sleep in my room every night
331
00:13:39,869 --> 00:13:41,769
until he's convinced
you that he's changed.
332
00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:44,471
Oscar, Felix will never change.
333
00:13:44,507 --> 00:13:47,341
He didn't call you today even
though he was sick, did he?
334
00:13:47,377 --> 00:13:49,160
See, he's trying and...
335
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:51,328
well, Gloria, what I think is
336
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,642
you gotta try a
little more, too.
337
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,210
I mean, I think you've
got to be patient with him.
338
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:57,535
I know I'm impatient
with him, but everybody is.
339
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,281
I mean, you're
impatient with him, too.
340
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,305
Yeah, but I'm not
in love with him.
341
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,590
Are you?
342
00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:04,792
That's what you've
got to decide.
343
00:14:04,827 --> 00:14:06,867
Why don't you at least
just go over and talk to him.
344
00:14:06,896 --> 00:14:09,497
I'll take care of the kids here.
345
00:14:09,532 --> 00:14:12,092
Okay, I'll go talk to him.
346
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,272
Smells great to me.
347
00:14:34,023 --> 00:14:37,091
"Please don't turn
off the heat lamp.
348
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,961
It keeps the rolls fresh."
349
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,736
Mmm... mm!
350
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,158
Mmm... mm!
351
00:15:13,263 --> 00:15:14,612
Felix?
352
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,281
Oh, Gloria,
353
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:20,484
I didn't want you
to see me like this.
354
00:15:21,771 --> 00:15:25,439
Oh, Felix, you
silly little thing you,
355
00:15:25,474 --> 00:15:29,544
going and eating that
stuff, sleeping in this room.
356
00:15:29,579 --> 00:15:31,679
Your system's too
delicate for that.
357
00:15:31,714 --> 00:15:36,484
It would be worth it if you...
if you understood why I did it.
358
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:37,951
I'm trying to change.
359
00:15:37,987 --> 00:15:40,605
I don't want to drive
you crazy anymore.
360
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:44,374
Felix, you just go about
things in such strange ways.
361
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:45,526
No, I don't.
362
00:15:45,561 --> 00:15:47,028
Yes, you do.
363
00:15:47,063 --> 00:15:49,447
That's one of the things
that I love the most about you.
364
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:53,618
I do do strange things, don't I?
365
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,287
At least, you're never boring.
366
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:59,356
I guess not everyone has
my flair for living, Gloria.
367
00:16:01,277 --> 00:16:04,145
Yes, but sleeping
in Oscar's room...
368
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:05,925
And I'm going to do it
tonight and every night
369
00:16:05,949 --> 00:16:07,882
until you're convinced
I'm changing.
370
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:10,969
Don't you think I can?
371
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,404
Don't you think I can
stop being Finicky Felix,
372
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,757
stop complaining and
criticizing everybody?
373
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,309
What's that nice smell?
374
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,244
Hot rolls.
375
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,149
Well, you know, Felix,
376
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:27,852
I really do believe you
are serious about trying.
377
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,989
And maybe if you keep on trying,
378
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:34,325
well, maybe I can learn to
be a little bit more tolerant, too.
379
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:37,445
You know, I've been thinking,
I'm not that perfect, either.
380
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,031
You are to me.
381
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:43,901
You know, sometimes
I really miss you, Felix.
382
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,170
And the kids, well,
they... they miss you, too.
383
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:50,074
You don't have to
miss me anymore.
384
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:51,793
Will you take me back?
385
00:16:51,828 --> 00:16:53,294
All right.
386
00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:55,680
What?
387
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,215
I said yes.
388
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:00,218
Don't toy with me, Gloria.
389
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:03,388
I'm not toying.
390
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:07,859
Oh, Gloria... Oh, Gloria...
391
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,460
Don't kiss me.
392
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,762
You'll catch my cold.
393
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,382
Oh, I love you, Gloria.
394
00:17:15,418 --> 00:17:17,618
We'll get married this week.
395
00:17:17,653 --> 00:17:18,719
Fine.
396
00:17:18,754 --> 00:17:21,033
Now let's get out of this room.
397
00:17:21,057 --> 00:17:22,957
First, I'd better
turn over the rolls.
398
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,192
The guests are ready.
399
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,372
I'm nearly ready.
I'm nearly ready.
400
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,596
You're taking longer to
get dressed than Gloria did.
401
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,642
Fix this for me, will you?
402
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:50,435
I guess you never thought
you'd live to see this day, huh?
403
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,837
I must say, I wasn't sure
you wanted to get married,
404
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,872
but I am sure now.
405
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,474
You know, you've been marvelous.
406
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:57,942
Little things that
used to bug you,
407
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,388
you handle now with
tact and patience.
408
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,789
Me? I'm so proud of you.
409
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,346
Really? Yeah.
410
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:04,226
I'm an amazing
man, you know that?
411
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,016
I know that.
412
00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:07,963
I've really completely
changed my character.
413
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,565
I'm a different human
being. Yes, you are.
414
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:10,999
For instance,
there's a little thread
415
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,534
on your shoulder right there.
416
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,503
Formerly, I would
have had to take it off.
417
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:15,537
Now, it doesn't bother me.
418
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:16,688
That's good. Yeah.
419
00:18:16,712 --> 00:18:18,757
I've overcome
things. I'm not finicky.
420
00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:19,858
I owe it to you.
421
00:18:25,555 --> 00:18:27,472
Hello, everyone. Hello.
422
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,390
Bravo!
423
00:18:29,425 --> 00:18:31,392
No, no bravos.
424
00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:34,996
I'm not only your
groom, but I'm also host,
425
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,309
so if you'll excuse me, I have
to check on my hors d'oeuvres.
426
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:38,465
I'll be right with you.
427
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:43,470
Oscar... Wow, what
a beautiful dress.
428
00:18:43,506 --> 00:18:45,183
Thank you, and
you look so elegant.
429
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,841
Yeah, like Felix, right?
430
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,175
Yeah. He's trying so hard.
431
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,522
He sure is. He's
being terrific, right?
432
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:52,307
I'm going to see if he
needs any help. Okay.
433
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,059
Hi, buddy, what are you doing?
434
00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,603
I distinctly told you I
wanted cracked ice,
435
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,716
not ice cubes, didn't I?
Didn't I? Felix is back, okay.
436
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,307
I asked you to do three
things for me as my best man...
437
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,487
I asked you to crack the ice.
438
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,243
I asked you to lock
the door to your room.
439
00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:07,389
My door doesn't have a lock.
440
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,791
I tried to jam it closed
but it sprang back.
441
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,192
So all the guests
think it's the cloakroom.
442
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:11,393
They've thrown
their coats in there.
443
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:12,750
They'll never find them now.
444
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:13,896
I'm sorry.
445
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,053
And, third, I asked you
to bring us a plumber.
446
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,533
Well, the plumber was here.
447
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:18,667
He said the trouble
is not in the sink.
448
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,235
The pipes are weak
all over the place.
449
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,792
Oh, isn't that cheerful news.
450
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,138
That's not going to bother you.
451
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,339
You're only going to
live here for another hour.
452
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:25,440
Will you stop with that?
453
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:26,775
The guests are asking
for you. They want to see...
454
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,210
And be nice, will you, please?
455
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:29,411
I'll be nice, I'll be
nice. Okay, let's go.
456
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,046
What is...? What's
the matter now?
457
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,347
You have to
advertise to everybody
458
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:33,504
that the suit is rented?
459
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,180
Don't make a big
deal out of it, will you?
460
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,708
Be nice.
461
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:38,775
Hello, dear.
462
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,189
Hi, Dad. You look nice.
463
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:41,879
Ah, so do you.
464
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:42,980
Congratulations, Dad.
465
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,131
Thank you. Thank you.
466
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,365
Wh... What are you doing?
467
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,400
You're eating chocolate?
468
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,468
Want to spoil that perfect skin?
469
00:19:48,504 --> 00:19:50,566
They've got shots
for that now, Dad.
470
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:51,867
Eat fruit. I have
fruit here for you.
471
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,636
Don't eat chocolate.
I don't like fruit, Dad.
472
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,393
Felix, is anything wrong?
473
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,327
Nothing. Your son's
eating chocolate.
474
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,657
It's going to ruin
his teeth, that's all.
475
00:19:58,681 --> 00:20:00,292
That's okay... I told
him he could today.
476
00:20:00,316 --> 00:20:01,882
You told him he
could. Good, good.
477
00:20:01,917 --> 00:20:04,084
Have a piece. Here
come on, have one.
478
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,185
There you are.
479
00:20:05,220 --> 00:20:06,787
Have another one.
Have another one.
480
00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:08,300
You like that haircut?
Prince Valiant?
481
00:20:08,324 --> 00:20:09,823
You think that's
nice, huh? Good.
482
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:19,027
Hey, Felix.
483
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,262
Murray, nice... Oh.
484
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,886
Murray, careful.
What are you doing?
485
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,266
Congratulations. I'm sorry.
486
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,890
Glad you're here, Murray.
487
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,926
Felix, how come Gloria
isn't wearing white?
488
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:32,296
Murray, Gloria is the
mother of two children.
489
00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:34,998
Oh, I see.
490
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:36,911
I guess it's hard
to keep things white
491
00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:38,215
with kids around.
492
00:20:40,957 --> 00:20:42,556
Mingle, Murray, mingle.
493
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,309
Gloria? Excuse me.
494
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:46,744
Gloria. Yes?
495
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,790
What time did you ask
the violinist to arrive?
496
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:50,047
Oh, I didn't. I canceled him.
497
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,148
I got a pianist instead.
498
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,484
You canceled the violinist?
499
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:55,803
You don't mind, do you?
500
00:21:00,976 --> 00:21:02,410
Canceled the violinist!
501
00:21:02,445 --> 00:21:03,955
I knew you were
going to crack, I knew it.
502
00:21:03,979 --> 00:21:05,824
Pianist, every cliché
in the book! Who cares?
503
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,792
A pianist, chocolates,
what's the matter?
504
00:21:07,816 --> 00:21:09,428
All right, you're right,
you're right, you're right.
505
00:21:09,452 --> 00:21:10,729
Okay, now let's
get this thing going
506
00:21:10,753 --> 00:21:12,564
before you start
criticizing Gloria's dress.
507
00:21:12,588 --> 00:21:14,355
Have you ever seen
such taste in clothes?
508
00:21:15,624 --> 00:21:17,969
Felix, as your best
friend and your best man,
509
00:21:17,993 --> 00:21:19,604
may I tell you
something? Anything.
510
00:21:19,628 --> 00:21:22,963
If you blow this, I'm
gonna break both your legs.
511
00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:27,101
Well, he's finicky.
512
00:21:27,136 --> 00:21:28,335
Let's go in the kitchen.
513
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,603
Here we go.
514
00:21:29,638 --> 00:21:30,904
Felix, you stay here.
515
00:21:30,940 --> 00:21:32,701
I'll let you know
when to come out.
516
00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:36,488
Oh, Felix... OSCAR:
Quiet. Here we go.
517
00:21:36,512 --> 00:21:37,756
Minister, sir, can we have you?
518
00:21:37,780 --> 00:21:39,124
You'll play, Henry,
come on, let's go.
519
00:21:39,148 --> 00:21:40,559
Everybody here.
Everybody where you belong.
520
00:21:40,583 --> 00:21:41,793
Come on, kids. Move it out.
521
00:21:41,817 --> 00:21:43,295
Attaboy, let's go. Here we go.
522
00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:47,538
Okay, Felix.
523
00:21:47,573 --> 00:21:49,423
Felix!
524
00:21:49,458 --> 00:21:51,458
♪ ♪
525
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:10,477
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here together
526
00:22:10,512 --> 00:22:13,147
in the sight of God
and before this company
527
00:22:13,182 --> 00:22:15,582
to unite this couple,
528
00:22:15,617 --> 00:22:18,652
or I should say
"reunite" this couple
529
00:22:18,687 --> 00:22:22,206
in holy matrimony.
530
00:22:22,241 --> 00:22:23,881
It's raining.
531
00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:30,013
It's the pipes. It's the pipes.
532
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,082
Someone, get some towels.
533
00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:33,395
It's going to ruin
the carpet, that's all.
534
00:22:33,419 --> 00:22:35,319
I told you to get us a plumber.
535
00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:37,065
I'm going to talk to
that superintendent!
536
00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,856
Felix, will you stop? Felix!
537
00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,402
What's more
important... A little water
538
00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:42,137
or a wedding you've been
waiting for five years to...?
539
00:22:42,161 --> 00:22:43,461
The wedding.
540
00:22:43,496 --> 00:22:45,874
All right. What's a little mess?
541
00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:47,264
We don't care, do we?
542
00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:49,345
We're not going to let
it rain on our parade.
543
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,369
Hit it.
544
00:22:58,995 --> 00:23:00,193
Go ahead.
545
00:23:00,229 --> 00:23:01,807
But don't you think
with this... Go ahead.
546
00:23:01,831 --> 00:23:03,196
But I... Go ahead!
547
00:23:05,167 --> 00:23:07,300
Gloria, do-do you take this man
548
00:23:07,336 --> 00:23:08,680
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
549
00:23:08,704 --> 00:23:10,070
I do.
550
00:23:10,106 --> 00:23:12,439
Felix, do you take this woman
551
00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:13,807
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
552
00:23:13,843 --> 00:23:14,843
I do.
553
00:23:14,877 --> 00:23:16,126
If anyone here knows any reason
554
00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:18,273
why this couple should not be
555
00:23:18,297 --> 00:23:19,507
brought together,
556
00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:22,332
speak now or forever
hold your peace.
557
00:23:22,367 --> 00:23:23,645
May I have the ring, please?
558
00:23:23,669 --> 00:23:25,202
The ring? Oh.
559
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,797
Would you hold this
a minute, please?
560
00:23:30,676 --> 00:23:31,756
Thank you.
561
00:23:33,813 --> 00:23:36,013
The ring.
562
00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:39,016
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
563
00:23:39,051 --> 00:23:40,091
I'm free.
564
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,852
I'm free. I'm free!
565
00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:43,153
Murray, I'm free!
566
00:23:43,188 --> 00:23:44,454
I'm free! I'm a free person!
567
00:23:44,490 --> 00:23:45,990
I'm free! I'm free!
568
00:23:49,445 --> 00:23:51,485
Gloria, I'll be with
you in one moment.
569
00:23:53,048 --> 00:23:55,649
Well, buddy, this is it.
570
00:23:55,685 --> 00:23:58,986
I wish you a good
honeymoon and a great life.
571
00:23:59,021 --> 00:24:00,387
Your dinner's in the oven.
572
00:24:00,422 --> 00:24:01,800
Turn it off in 20 minutes.
573
00:24:01,824 --> 00:24:02,824
Thanks.
574
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,993
Oscar, what can I say?
575
00:24:06,028 --> 00:24:08,562
Five years ago, you took me in,
576
00:24:08,597 --> 00:24:12,199
a broken man on the
verge of mental collapse.
577
00:24:12,234 --> 00:24:14,279
I leave here a
cured human being.
578
00:24:14,303 --> 00:24:15,583
I owe it all to you.
579
00:24:17,339 --> 00:24:19,039
It's all yours, buddy.
580
00:24:19,074 --> 00:24:21,441
I salute you.
581
00:24:23,846 --> 00:24:26,296
Felix, you know how
I'm gonna salute you?
582
00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:28,098
I'm going to clean that up.
583
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:31,068
It has not been in vain.
584
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:37,708
I'm not going to clean that up.
585
00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:48,385
I knew he wouldn't clean it up.
40043
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