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1
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:09,208
Well, Unger,
you've really held up.
2
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:15,881
Mildred, dar...!
3
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:17,196
I forgot my key.
4
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,398
Who? I was expecting
Mildred Fleener.
5
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,133
Who's she? Mildred Fleener.
6
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,501
My best girl in high school.
7
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,169
I've told you about her.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
8
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,570
Yeah, she called, she's in town,
9
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:28,805
she's coming over
to visit. No kidding.
10
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,563
I haven't seen her
since high school!
11
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,310
How do I look? Terrific.
12
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,778
Tell me the truth.
Tell me the truth.
13
00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:37,769
You look terrific,
I... Do I really? Yeah.
14
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:38,948
Really? I'm telling you.
15
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,550
Why would I lie? Yeah?
16
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,941
I really do.
17
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,621
What are you so nervous
about? I'm not nervous.
18
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:45,788
I thought she was
happily married.
19
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,157
Oh, yes, yeah... no,
no, nothing like that.
20
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,308
Nothing like... Then what?
21
00:00:48,332 --> 00:00:50,799
Well, she was voted
cutest girl in school,
22
00:00:50,834 --> 00:00:52,418
I was voted cutest boy.
23
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:56,388
Oddly, we came in
third for cutest couple.
24
00:00:57,657 --> 00:00:59,024
There she is.
25
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,636
Tell me, now tell me the truth.
26
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:01,872
Have I aged?
27
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,240
You really want the truth? No!
28
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,197
Okay.
29
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:09,534
Mildred!
30
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:10,519
Tiger!
31
00:01:10,554 --> 00:01:12,499
Oh, Mildred!
32
00:01:12,523 --> 00:01:14,456
You're still the cutest.
33
00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:15,569
Oh, so are you.
34
00:01:15,593 --> 00:01:17,158
Oh, look! Mil...
35
00:01:17,194 --> 00:01:19,305
I want you to meet my
roommate, Oscar Madison.
36
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,295
Hello. Hello.
37
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,741
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
38
00:01:21,765 --> 00:01:23,599
I was voted best
dressed in my high school.
39
00:01:26,036 --> 00:01:27,180
Oh, sit down, Mildred.
40
00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:28,715
We've got champagne.
41
00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:29,749
Oh, I love your place.
42
00:01:29,773 --> 00:01:31,173
How do you keep it so clean?
43
00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:34,009
I have a man who
comes in every night.
44
00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:36,378
Excuse me a minute, please.
45
00:01:38,448 --> 00:01:40,649
Ah, Mildred,
46
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,929
you haven't aged a
day since high school.
47
00:01:42,953 --> 00:01:45,320
Oh.
48
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,534
And neither have I.
49
00:01:47,558 --> 00:01:48,635
Right?
50
00:01:48,659 --> 00:01:50,203
- Right, Tiger.
- Ah, no.
51
00:01:50,227 --> 00:01:51,805
You don't have to say that.
52
00:01:53,063 --> 00:01:54,941
Remember what I wrote in
your high school yearbook?
53
00:01:54,965 --> 00:01:56,264
Um...
54
00:01:56,299 --> 00:02:00,268
"There's nobody cleaner
than Mildred Fleener."
55
00:02:00,303 --> 00:02:02,883
Remember, I signed it
with a little tiger's paw.
56
00:02:02,907 --> 00:02:05,707
I always had that
crazy sense of humor.
57
00:02:05,743 --> 00:02:07,621
Oh... Mildred, I just can't...
58
00:02:07,645 --> 00:02:09,422
You make me
feel like a kid again.
59
00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:12,164
Oh, oh, that reminds me. I
have to make a phone call.
60
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,876
Yeah, yeah, sure, right. Oh.
61
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,551
I won't be long.
62
00:02:15,586 --> 00:02:16,868
We both look great.
63
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,511
She says I haven't aged
a day since high school.
64
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:28,313
She's probably right, Tiger.
65
00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:32,028
She always called
me Felix the Tiger.
66
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:35,620
The other kids called
me Felix the Cat.
67
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,022
Why? Because you were clean?
68
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,101
No.
69
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,735
Once, the other kids
tried to drown me.
70
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,540
Good night, Kathie.
71
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:46,004
And don't forget
to brush your teeth.
72
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,168
How old is Kathie?
73
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:50,647
Oh, she'll be three next month.
74
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,504
Ah!
75
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,406
You got a
three-year-old daughter.
76
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,153
Oh, Kathie's not my daughter.
77
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,737
She's my granddaughter.
78
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,551
♪ ♪
79
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,619
♪ ♪
80
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,618
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
81
00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:39,180
Oh!
82
00:04:42,132 --> 00:04:44,066
Oscar.
83
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,176
Oscar.
84
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,807
Oscar!
85
00:04:51,842 --> 00:04:53,775
Wake up.
86
00:04:53,811 --> 00:04:56,355
I want to talk to you, Oscar.
87
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,779
Why aren't you
talking to Mildred?
88
00:04:57,815 --> 00:05:00,015
Hmm.
89
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,718
We called it an early evening.
90
00:05:02,753 --> 00:05:05,553
It's not good for elderly
people to stay up late.
91
00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:10,458
No matter how cute they are.
92
00:05:10,493 --> 00:05:13,528
Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.
93
00:05:15,599 --> 00:05:16,642
She's a grandmother.
94
00:05:16,666 --> 00:05:18,333
You told me, you
told me, you told me.
95
00:05:18,368 --> 00:05:20,213
I'm a month older than she is!
96
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,604
Felix, please. I got to catch
a plane tomorrow to Boston.
97
00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:23,639
Will you leave me alone?
98
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:35,500
Oscar, today a waitress
called me "Pops."
99
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,786
Will you get out of here?!
100
00:05:37,821 --> 00:05:40,789
Thank you, Oscar, for being
so sympathetic and such a...
101
00:05:43,026 --> 00:05:44,392
Got something in your throat?
102
00:05:45,628 --> 00:05:47,662
Why don't you get a glass
of water or something?
103
00:05:47,697 --> 00:05:50,257
No, no point in wasting
good water on me.
104
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:55,236
My life is over.
105
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:59,174
There's nobody cleaner
than Grandma Fleener.
106
00:06:03,713 --> 00:06:07,248
Well, at least when he's
coughing he's not sighing.
107
00:06:20,664 --> 00:06:23,224
You couldn't sleep either, huh?
108
00:06:25,568 --> 00:06:26,968
Want to talk? We'll talk.
109
00:06:27,004 --> 00:06:28,414
You're wearing a sport jacket.
110
00:06:28,438 --> 00:06:29,738
I couldn't find my bathrobe.
111
00:06:29,773 --> 00:06:32,741
Look, because Mildred
Fleener is a grandmother,
112
00:06:32,776 --> 00:06:34,776
Felix, that doesn't
make you old.
113
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,255
No, no, but this does!
114
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:37,245
What?
115
00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,263
Snow on the roof.
116
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:41,366
You got dandruff?
117
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,018
Gray! Gray! Look!
118
00:06:43,053 --> 00:06:45,098
Yeah, I don't see any gray!
Of course you don't see any.
119
00:06:45,122 --> 00:06:46,799
I comb my hair down
over it, but it's there.
120
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,056
Oh, a couple of gray hairs.
121
00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:49,091
It looks distinguished.
122
00:06:49,126 --> 00:06:51,670
On Cary Grant it
looks distinguished.
123
00:06:51,694 --> 00:06:54,254
On Felix Unger it looks like,
"You ready to order, Pops?"
124
00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:57,432
Oh, a couple of gray.
125
00:06:57,467 --> 00:06:58,933
The rest of you is terrific!
126
00:06:58,968 --> 00:07:00,502
No, it's not.
127
00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:02,982
I've got old eyes.
128
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,984
I used to read like this,
like a normal person.
129
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,120
Now I read like this.
130
00:07:07,144 --> 00:07:09,704
In five years, I'll
have to be a gorilla.
131
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,631
Why don't you use your glasses?
132
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:16,001
I always forget
where I leave them.
133
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,937
Remember when I used
to remember everything?
134
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,639
When was that?
135
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,908
Aah...
136
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,387
Felix, look, you
want to talk seriously?
137
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,945
It's the middle of the night;
I gotta get some sleep.
138
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,491
Oh!
139
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,126
You don't want
to... No, no, no, no.
140
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,395
This is hard to
talk about, Oscar.
141
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:35,287
When I was a little kid, do
you know what I wanted to be?
142
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:36,599
What? Oh...
143
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:39,658
From the first moment I
held a camera in my hands,
144
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,271
I wanted to be a film director.
145
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:43,422
I wanted that so
much, to be Hitchcock.
146
00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:44,879
Well, why don't you do it now?
147
00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:46,714
Why don't I do it? Yeah.
148
00:07:46,749 --> 00:07:48,794
Did you have dreams
when you were a kid?
149
00:07:48,818 --> 00:07:50,897
Yeah, sure, I wanted to
be another Hemingway. Oh.
150
00:07:50,921 --> 00:07:52,387
You know, go to
those exotic places,
151
00:07:52,422 --> 00:07:53,900
do exciting things,
then write about them.
152
00:07:53,924 --> 00:07:55,234
You never did it. No.
153
00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:58,159
Why don't you do it now?
154
00:07:58,195 --> 00:07:59,928
Now? I can't do it
now, because it's...
155
00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:01,640
Because? Because?
You know, because it's...
156
00:08:01,664 --> 00:08:02,992
Because you're too old!
157
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,026
I'm not too old!
Stop saying that!
158
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,428
You are, too! No, I'm not!
159
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:06,913
Look at that vein in your
forehead. Will you stop
160
00:08:06,937 --> 00:08:08,414
with the vein in my head!
Careful! It's very dangerous!
161
00:08:08,438 --> 00:08:09,615
It's an embolism! If
you don't stop talking
162
00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:10,917
about these
depressing, boring things,
163
00:08:10,941 --> 00:08:12,901
I'm gonna send you to the
old photographers' home!
164
00:08:47,477 --> 00:08:50,037
Boy, you make good coffee.
165
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,850
Murray, I've asked
you here for a reason.
166
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:57,165
I want you to witness something.
167
00:08:58,054 --> 00:08:59,598
You got the right guy, Felix.
168
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,457
I'm a policeman...
I'm trained to witness.
169
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,633
What are you doing?
170
00:09:11,668 --> 00:09:12,800
Witnessing.
171
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,388
You don't understand.
172
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,723
I want you to witness
I'm revising my will.
173
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,703
Why are you revising your will?
174
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,059
I could go any day, Murray.
175
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,628
I'm not a spring
chicken anymore.
176
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,274
Yeah, that makes sense.
177
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:33,138
I, Felix Alex Unger,
178
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,167
being of sound mind
and adequate body,
179
00:09:35,191 --> 00:09:37,825
do hereby declare this to be
180
00:09:37,861 --> 00:09:39,794
my last will and testament.
181
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:49,303
The bulk of my estate
182
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:55,593
to my beloved ex-wife... Gloria.
183
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:59,564
Poor, dear, sweet,
foolish Gloria.
184
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,570
Felix! Don't...
185
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,752
Boy, I wish I
could cry like that.
186
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,398
Oh, Murray!
187
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,638
Oh!
188
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:34,082
Was it something I said?
189
00:10:34,117 --> 00:10:35,583
Will you hurry up?
190
00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,163
I called you an
hour and a half ago.
191
00:10:37,187 --> 00:10:38,619
What took you so long?
192
00:10:38,654 --> 00:10:39,921
Those steps are murder.
193
00:10:39,956 --> 00:10:41,701
Oh, come on in here, will you?
194
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:42,968
Tina, get Louie, will you?
195
00:10:42,992 --> 00:10:44,859
What's the hurry?
What's the big hurry?
196
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,271
I'm gonna introduce
you to some people
197
00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:47,573
that are going to
make you ashamed
198
00:10:47,597 --> 00:10:49,296
of the way you've been behaving.
199
00:10:49,332 --> 00:10:50,660
Louie Menini, say
hello to Felix Unger.
200
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,383
Ow!
201
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:53,818
68 years old.
202
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,920
39 years, never
missed one day's work.
203
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,366
That's good. That's good.
204
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,157
At night, he goes
home, after work,
205
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,453
jogs seven miles. Huh.
206
00:11:00,477 --> 00:11:03,695
And I also lift up weights
and look for Communists.
207
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,296
Good, good. How about that?
208
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,043
Wait over there, will
you, Louie? He's strong.
209
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,928
You haven't seen anything yet.
210
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:11,252
Mamie, come in here, honey.
211
00:11:11,288 --> 00:11:12,921
Mamie Etkins.
212
00:11:12,956 --> 00:11:14,588
71 years young.
213
00:11:14,624 --> 00:11:16,052
Can't get her to retire.
214
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,421
Stays on the switchboard
all the time, and that's not all.
215
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:19,744
Hit it, Mamie!
216
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:22,047
♪ I'm the daughter
of Rosie O'Grady ♪
217
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,359
She takes tap dancing
lessons at night.
218
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,760
You don't have to dance
anymore. Very good.
219
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:26,095
That's what I
mean, if you think...
220
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,596
You don't have to dance
anymore, honey. Ah!
221
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,665
Thinking young makes... Honey,
you don't have to dance anymore.
222
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,323
No, I'm telling you... Honey, no,
you don't have to dance anymore.
223
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,569
Thank you, sweetie.
I'm not finished.
224
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,603
Oh, that's great, thank you.
225
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:35,927
Oh, that was great, Mamie.
226
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,573
So much energy
I couldn't stop her.
227
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,709
Why didn't you tell
Louie she's a Communist?
228
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,811
You can make jokes.
229
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,245
Now I'm gonna show you somebody
230
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,413
really gonna make you ashamed.
231
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:48,006
74 years old, the
engineer on our presses.
232
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,175
On weekends, he's
a nightclub comedian.
233
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,442
Okay?
234
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:53,144
Sonny.
235
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:55,113
Say hello to Felix.
236
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,501
Good evening, ladies and Felix.
237
00:11:59,536 --> 00:12:00,668
Hello.
238
00:12:00,704 --> 00:12:01,903
How do you like the jacket?
239
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,070
It's very nice.
240
00:12:03,106 --> 00:12:04,249
Mohair? No, Moe Levy.
241
00:12:04,273 --> 00:12:05,507
Ah.
242
00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:08,476
My wife said, "You're
driving me to my grave."
243
00:12:08,512 --> 00:12:12,113
I had the car out
in two minutes.
244
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,693
She spends all her
time in the beauty shop.
245
00:12:13,717 --> 00:12:15,082
The other day,
she got a mud pack.
246
00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:16,996
She looked great for two
days, then the mud fell off.
247
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:18,987
Ah.
248
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,034
She says, "Make me look
like Barbara Streisand."
249
00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:24,858
I picked up a brush
and broke her nose.
250
00:12:26,029 --> 00:12:27,073
Oh, Felix, don't you see?
251
00:12:27,097 --> 00:12:28,207
Never forget my wedding night.
252
00:12:28,231 --> 00:12:29,830
I was so nervous, I
put my pants in bed,
253
00:12:29,866 --> 00:12:31,186
and I hung over
a chair all night.
254
00:12:33,636 --> 00:12:35,370
Boy, was my wife
dressed up the other day.
255
00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:37,049
She was wearing hot
pants and orthopedic shoes.
256
00:12:37,073 --> 00:12:39,273
Okay.
257
00:12:39,309 --> 00:12:40,919
Thank you very much; he's gone.
258
00:12:40,943 --> 00:12:42,154
No, didn't work, it didn't work.
259
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,144
Thank you very much.
260
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,145
I tried.
261
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,657
I got to go up to Boston, sorry.
262
00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,326
I just flew in from
Boston today.
263
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:48,394
Boy, are my arms tired.
264
00:12:51,254 --> 00:12:52,753
Put my bag down, I looked up...
265
00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:54,100
I said, "This is
my kind of town."
266
00:12:54,124 --> 00:12:55,623
I looked down, and
my bag was gone.
267
00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:07,786
Oh, hi, Felix.
268
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:08,853
Hiya, buddy.
269
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,321
Welcome home.
270
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:12,207
How are you?
271
00:13:12,242 --> 00:13:13,208
Okay.
272
00:13:13,243 --> 00:13:14,209
A little tired.
273
00:13:14,244 --> 00:13:15,655
Let me look at you. For what?
274
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,845
Boy, you look beat!
275
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:22,650
Felix, I was in Montreal, Toledo
and Boston, all in two days.
276
00:13:22,686 --> 00:13:23,651
Wow!
277
00:13:23,687 --> 00:13:24,652
What a backbreaker.
278
00:13:24,688 --> 00:13:26,053
You know it.
279
00:13:26,089 --> 00:13:27,933
No wonder you look like
the wreck of the Hesperus.
280
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,290
Thanks a lot.
281
00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:31,304
Listen, none of us is getting
any younger, you know.
282
00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,528
Age has got
nothing to do with it.
283
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,464
Well, ten years ago,
Oscar Madison was...
284
00:13:36,499 --> 00:13:37,776
a whole different story.
285
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,945
Listen, you got a
telephone message.
286
00:13:39,969 --> 00:13:41,247
Rhoda Zimmerman called you.
287
00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:42,748
She wants you
to call her tonight.
288
00:13:42,772 --> 00:13:44,472
Tonight? Yeah.
289
00:13:44,507 --> 00:13:46,541
I'll call her about Wednesday.
290
00:13:48,612 --> 00:13:52,497
Ten years ago... Aw, again
with the... Will you stop?
291
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,099
Was that kid along on the
trip, the kid from the Post?
292
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:57,895
Teddy Webster? Yeah, the one
they call the young Oscar Madison?
293
00:13:59,955 --> 00:14:01,089
Yeah, he was there.
294
00:14:01,124 --> 00:14:02,856
Ah, uh-huh.
295
00:14:02,892 --> 00:14:05,171
Did he get off the
plane exhausted?
296
00:14:05,195 --> 00:14:06,461
No. As a matter of fact,
297
00:14:06,496 --> 00:14:07,907
he went off with
two stewardesses
298
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,363
and they went roller skating.
299
00:14:09,398 --> 00:14:11,638
He asked me to go along
but I said I was too tired.
300
00:14:11,668 --> 00:14:13,801
Ah.
301
00:14:13,837 --> 00:14:15,469
Maybe you better sit down.
302
00:14:15,505 --> 00:14:16,871
I'll get you a cup of tea.
303
00:14:19,009 --> 00:14:21,569
You know I feel
like a cup of tea.
304
00:14:41,931 --> 00:14:43,375
That's it, Murray.
305
00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:45,466
A little bit.
306
00:14:45,502 --> 00:14:48,469
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's good, thanks...
307
00:14:48,505 --> 00:14:50,571
Felix, there's a
shadow on the screen.
308
00:14:50,607 --> 00:14:52,590
Stand up, Murray,
it's your nose.
309
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:55,393
I'll get some tea.
310
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:58,629
Anderson passed away.
311
00:14:58,664 --> 00:14:59,830
Ed?
312
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,732
Frank P.
313
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,968
I don't know him.
314
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,081
How old?
315
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,237
Ninety-three.
316
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:10,374
Mm... mm, mm, mm.
317
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,660
Left a widow. Ah.
318
00:15:12,695 --> 00:15:13,661
Conklin.
319
00:15:13,696 --> 00:15:14,973
Who?
320
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,375
Conklin. Conklin...?
321
00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:17,498
Clyde.
322
00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:18,616
Did you know him?
323
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,884
No, no.
324
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,388
He didn't live
around here. Ah, ah.
325
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,390
How old was he?
326
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,426
Fifty-two.
327
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:32,513
How did he go?
328
00:15:32,548 --> 00:15:34,132
Got hit by a bus.
329
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,267
Ah!
330
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:37,902
I gotta get going, guys.
331
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,081
I really do.
332
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,305
Thank you, Murray.
333
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:42,706
You've been a
good friend, Murray.
334
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:43,782
Good night, Murray.
335
00:15:48,297 --> 00:15:49,964
You know something?
336
00:15:49,999 --> 00:15:52,450
You guys make me sick!
337
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,202
Yeah, both of you.
338
00:15:54,237 --> 00:15:57,455
Look at you... sitting
there like Ma and Pa Kettle!
339
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:01,159
You ought to be arrested
for impersonating the elderly.
340
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:04,862
"Murray, would you
move the TV set.
341
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,930
"Murray, will you get some tea?
342
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,300
Murray, move your
nose out of the way."
343
00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:12,703
This nose has got more
energy than both your two faces.
344
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:18,509
I am fed up to
here with you guys!
345
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:21,012
Now, you want to see
what a guy looks like
346
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:24,915
acting his own age, and
walking with a spring in his step.
347
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,994
Now, I'm really depressed.
348
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:38,207
Why?
349
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,963
Being told off by Murray?
350
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,666
He's right!
351
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:42,981
You know what you are?
352
00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:46,954
You're a downer.
353
00:16:49,125 --> 00:16:50,792
You bum me out.
354
00:16:50,827 --> 00:16:52,226
What are you talking about?
355
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,338
Telling me that I'm old.
356
00:16:53,362 --> 00:16:54,929
I don't believe
what I'm hearing.
357
00:16:54,964 --> 00:16:56,563
You're the one who's
telling me I'm old.
358
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,978
We sit around, we act
old and so we feel old.
359
00:16:59,002 --> 00:17:00,367
So what are we supposed to do?
360
00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:02,681
We go out. We act young!
How do you act young?
361
00:17:02,705 --> 00:17:04,283
Well, you go where
the young people go.
362
00:17:04,307 --> 00:17:06,118
Where... where do they go
when they want to have fun?
363
00:17:06,142 --> 00:17:09,102
I don't know. Tina says she goes to
a place called "The Electric Eggplant."
364
00:17:36,939 --> 00:17:42,603
Hey... This is
where it's at, baby.
365
00:17:47,349 --> 00:17:48,382
There's Tina.
366
00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:49,445
Tina! Tina!
367
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:52,236
Hey. Hi, Mr. Madison, Mr. Unger.
368
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:54,021
Hey. What are you doing here?
369
00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:55,222
Oh, we dig the scene.
370
00:17:55,257 --> 00:17:56,824
Yeah, yeah, we can dig it, yeah.
371
00:17:56,859 --> 00:17:58,754
Can you introduce us
to some of your friends?
372
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,177
Yeah, yeah, right.
373
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,612
Uh... wait just a sec.
374
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:02,980
Okay.
375
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:06,383
Uh... girls, do you want
to meet some nice guys?
376
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,230
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
377
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,504
Okay.
378
00:18:09,539 --> 00:18:12,290
Hi.
379
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:15,025
You gotta be kidding.
380
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,472
Oh, come on, do me a favor.
381
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,056
It's my boss and his roommate,
382
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,680
and they're really nice guys.
383
00:18:19,715 --> 00:18:21,849
Well... And they're harmless.
384
00:18:21,884 --> 00:18:24,117
All right, sure. Okay.
385
00:18:24,887 --> 00:18:27,621
They dig us.
386
00:18:27,657 --> 00:18:31,325
Girls, I want you to meet
two swinging heavy dudes,
387
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,238
This is Mr. Unger
and Mr. Madison.
388
00:18:33,262 --> 00:18:34,695
Call me Oscar.
389
00:18:34,731 --> 00:18:37,231
Just call me Ace. Hi, Ace.
390
00:18:37,266 --> 00:18:38,310
This is Jeanie,
Suzie and Debbie.
391
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,378
Hi. Hi.
392
00:18:39,402 --> 00:18:40,368
Listen, I'm gonna split.
393
00:18:40,403 --> 00:18:41,547
You all just join the party.
394
00:18:41,571 --> 00:18:43,014
Right on. Okay, Tina,
thank you very much.
395
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,038
See ya. Bye.
396
00:18:44,073 --> 00:18:46,841
Oh, may we?
Sure. Pull up a chair.
397
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,996
May I have this
chair? Get comfortable.
398
00:18:50,012 --> 00:18:51,523
It's really groovy. Yeah.
399
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,747
What are you dudes up to?
400
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:54,248
Well, he's a writer...
401
00:18:54,283 --> 00:18:57,084
A writer? Wow, that's heavy.
402
00:18:57,119 --> 00:19:00,120
You're heavy.
403
00:19:00,155 --> 00:19:02,807
That's what they call
him... Heavy Oscar.
404
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,441
Thanks, Ace.
405
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,576
Oh, what do you write? Well...
406
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,623
He writes sports stor...
I can talk. I can talk.
407
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,058
I'm a sportswriter for
the New York Herald.
408
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,232
The Herald?
409
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:13,778
Oh, that establishment
newspaper? Yeah.
410
00:19:13,802 --> 00:19:15,948
Don't you feel you're
prostituting yourself at all?
411
00:19:15,972 --> 00:19:17,305
I beg your pardon?
412
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:19,684
That paper has no
social conscience.
413
00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:23,510
Yeah, well, no consideration
for the poor and oppressed.
414
00:19:23,546 --> 00:19:24,878
Well, I cover the Knicks.
415
00:19:27,183 --> 00:19:28,449
What's your bag?
416
00:19:28,484 --> 00:19:29,995
My bag? Yeah.
417
00:19:30,019 --> 00:19:31,630
I'm in the old photography bag.
418
00:19:31,654 --> 00:19:33,364
Oh, do you work
at the Herald, too?
419
00:19:33,388 --> 00:19:36,256
Oh, no, no... I freelance... no.
420
00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:40,995
I do picture stories on the
struggles of ethnic minorities.
421
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:45,183
Right now, I'm doing a layout on
the miserable and the diseased.
422
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,597
- Oh, that's fantastic!
- Yeah.
423
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:51,922
You got 'em, Ace, you got 'em.
424
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:53,368
What are you
girls interested in?
425
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,892
Self-awareness.
426
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:55,938
What's that?
427
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,639
Raising our consciousness
428
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:59,774
and getting in touch
with our inner emotions.
429
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:03,334
Oh, wow. Oh, oh, like wow. Wow.
430
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,635
Boy, you kids really
know how to have fun.
431
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,311
How do you raise
your consciousness?
432
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,940
I mean, you stand on
a chair or something?
433
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,176
What a cool sense of humor!
434
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,889
You're cool! You're cool!
435
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,079
Cool Oscar.
436
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:18,249
That's what they call
me: Cool, Heavy Oscar.
437
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:20,051
Hey, what's your sign?
438
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,385
My sign? Yeah.
439
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,020
Pisces, the fish.
440
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,250
Witty, urbane,
FELIX: sophisticated.
441
00:20:25,274 --> 00:20:26,974
Long-winded.
442
00:20:27,009 --> 00:20:28,375
What's your sign?
443
00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:30,311
Taurus. Oh, the Bull. Yeah.
444
00:20:30,346 --> 00:20:31,445
That's Oscar the Bull.
445
00:20:33,015 --> 00:20:35,616
That's what they call
me, the Cool, Heavy Bull.
446
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,418
Wait, I'm a Taurus,
too. Are you really?
447
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:39,419
Hey, far out!
448
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:40,566
Yeah... That's great.
449
00:20:40,590 --> 00:20:41,800
That's so far out, it's gone.
450
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:42,835
All the way out.
451
00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:43,859
Hey, you guys dance?
452
00:20:43,893 --> 00:20:45,170
Sure. No. He dances.
453
00:20:45,194 --> 00:20:49,930
Come on, Oscar, let's
us two bulls lock horns.
454
00:20:49,966 --> 00:20:52,033
Come on! Hey,
I've gotta drive...
455
00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:54,108
Whoo!
456
00:20:55,237 --> 00:20:57,049
You're good! Yeah?
457
00:20:57,073 --> 00:20:58,372
You're good, Oscar!
458
00:20:58,407 --> 00:21:00,141
Do the Australian Crawl.
459
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,125
FELIX? Would you
care to dance? Oh, great.
460
00:21:06,149 --> 00:21:08,709
Would you excuse
us? Oh, sure, go ahead.
461
00:21:21,463 --> 00:21:23,998
Mr. Astaire, let's
dance to the music.
462
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,166
Come on, get with it.
463
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,367
I'm dancing to the
music. Come on.
464
00:21:27,403 --> 00:21:28,669
That's it.
465
00:21:58,667 --> 00:22:00,801
♪ ♪
466
00:22:15,184 --> 00:22:17,484
Thank you.
467
00:22:17,519 --> 00:22:20,621
Whoo! That's cool.
Yeah, that's cool.
468
00:22:20,656 --> 00:22:22,656
That's... Oh, was that cool.
469
00:22:22,692 --> 00:22:24,658
That's great.
470
00:22:24,694 --> 00:22:27,160
That's heavy. Like wow!
471
00:22:27,196 --> 00:22:29,797
Yeah, well, look, guys,
it's been real, you know?
472
00:22:29,832 --> 00:22:32,544
But, like, we gotta go...
come on. Oh, no, no.
473
00:22:32,568 --> 00:22:34,479
We're just all getting
it together in one bag.
474
00:22:34,503 --> 00:22:35,969
You know, we'd
really like to stay,
475
00:22:36,004 --> 00:22:37,638
but we gotta go to a
Hosheena meeting.
476
00:22:37,673 --> 00:22:38,850
Hosheena? What's that?
477
00:22:38,874 --> 00:22:40,240
It's this new religion.
478
00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:43,177
This bus driver turned
us on to it yesterday.
479
00:22:43,212 --> 00:22:45,723
Tonight we go back and
take our sacred vows. Ah.
480
00:22:45,747 --> 00:22:48,276
Hey, do you want to come?
481
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:49,711
Well, what do we have to do?
482
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:52,295
Just shave our heads.
483
00:22:53,572 --> 00:22:56,440
I think we'll pass
on that. Yeah.
484
00:22:56,475 --> 00:22:59,143
Okay, well, listen, why don't
you just come to the party later?
485
00:22:59,178 --> 00:23:01,723
Yeah. Do we have
to shave anything?
486
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:02,747
No.
487
00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:03,880
Look, it starts at 2:30.
488
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:05,215
2:30 tonight?
489
00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:07,518
Sure. Just catch the number
23 bus right up the street.
490
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:08,930
And the buss will
take us to the party?
491
00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:10,354
The bus is the party.
492
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:12,134
Oh... and don't forget
to have exact change.
493
00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:13,468
Later. See ya.
494
00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:14,536
Latersville.
495
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,493
See you, Ace.
496
00:23:16,529 --> 00:23:18,495
Wow!
497
00:23:18,531 --> 00:23:20,397
Like wow!
498
00:23:20,433 --> 00:23:22,499
What are we gonna do until 2:30?
499
00:23:22,535 --> 00:23:24,368
Well, it's 10:00.
500
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:26,014
Want to dance with
some of the girls?
501
00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:27,071
No, no more dancing.
502
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:28,272
Whoa. No more dancing.
503
00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:30,419
Well, you can sit here
and groove to the music.
504
00:23:30,443 --> 00:23:34,545
I'm not gonna groove
for four more hours.
505
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:38,248
Why don't we go home,
set the alarm for 2:00
506
00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:40,184
and get a nap?
507
00:23:40,219 --> 00:23:43,153
Felix, I'm not gonna get
up in the middle of the night
508
00:23:43,189 --> 00:23:46,156
to catch a bus to have a
date with three bald girls.
509
00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:48,542
Why not?
510
00:23:48,577 --> 00:23:52,913
Felix, tell me the truth,
did you have a good time
511
00:23:52,948 --> 00:23:54,188
talking to these girls tonight?
512
00:23:54,216 --> 00:23:56,261
Oh, sure. I got into some
heavy raps with them.
513
00:23:56,285 --> 00:23:58,151
You got into some
heavy baloney with them.
514
00:23:58,187 --> 00:24:00,838
Do you have to be such a
phony when you're with Miriam?
515
00:24:00,873 --> 00:24:01,950
Oh, that's a different story.
516
00:24:01,974 --> 00:24:03,118
We have the same interests.
517
00:24:03,142 --> 00:24:04,953
We go to the opera,
we go to the ballet...
518
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:06,744
And when you talk
to her, do you feel old
519
00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:08,573
when you talk about these
interests? No, of course not.
520
00:24:08,597 --> 00:24:10,430
Well, I don't feel
old when I talk about
521
00:24:10,465 --> 00:24:11,543
the things I'm interested in.
522
00:24:11,567 --> 00:24:13,901
Tell me the real
honest-to-God truth.
523
00:24:13,936 --> 00:24:15,613
Didn't you feel old
hanging around these kids?
524
00:24:15,637 --> 00:24:17,354
Yes.
525
00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:20,291
You want to look like him?
526
00:24:24,030 --> 00:24:25,328
Let's go home.
527
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,402
Hey, baby... I am not a baby.
528
00:24:32,437 --> 00:24:35,605
I'm a man of mature years
who doesn't happen to look it...
529
00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:37,808
and you should wear underwear.
530
00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:53,090
Oscar. Oscar.
531
00:24:53,125 --> 00:24:54,725
Hmm? What now? What?
532
00:24:54,760 --> 00:25:00,530
You know... we learned
an important lesson tonight.
533
00:25:00,566 --> 00:25:03,533
We're not old.
534
00:25:03,569 --> 00:25:08,322
We have mellowed...
like fine wine.
535
00:25:08,357 --> 00:25:12,693
We must learn to accept
ourselves as we are
536
00:25:12,728 --> 00:25:15,529
and like ourselves as we are.
537
00:25:15,564 --> 00:25:17,864
That's what maturity
really means.
538
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:20,000
Accepting yourself
for what you are.
539
00:25:20,035 --> 00:25:22,302
You woke me up to tell me that?
540
00:25:22,337 --> 00:25:23,804
No. It's 2:00.
541
00:25:23,839 --> 00:25:25,316
It's time to go to the party.
542
00:25:25,340 --> 00:25:26,774
Oh.
543
00:25:28,844 --> 00:25:30,844
Have you seen my trousers?
37450
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