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1
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:29,529
Pick it up.
2
00:00:34,084 --> 00:00:35,962
I believe this is yours.
3
00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:38,546
Kindly dispose of it.
4
00:00:39,756 --> 00:00:40,989
It's flat.
5
00:00:41,024 --> 00:00:42,686
Don't disturb me.
I've got to practice.
6
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,888
Why? We trying to get
rid of another neighbor?
7
00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:49,292
My opera club's having
its recital next week.
8
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:50,460
I'm the accompanist.
9
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,218
We doing a program
of Mozart and muffins.
10
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,649
Mozart's music, my muffins.
11
00:00:55,673 --> 00:00:57,483
Have to practice.
12
00:00:57,507 --> 00:00:59,147
Practice all you want.
It won't bother us.
13
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:02,989
"It won't bother us"?
14
00:01:03,013 --> 00:01:05,024
Yeah. I invited a
houseguest for the week.
15
00:01:05,048 --> 00:01:06,092
Who?
16
00:01:06,116 --> 00:01:07,760
My old army buddy,
Wild Willie Boggs.
17
00:01:07,784 --> 00:01:09,261
No, sir! No! No! No, sir!
18
00:01:09,285 --> 00:01:10,719
Take it easy, will you?
19
00:01:10,754 --> 00:01:11,798
He's appearing with a rodeo
20
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,099
down at Madison
Square Garden for a week.
21
00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:14,867
I will not have him in
this house again this year.
22
00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:16,303
What am I supposed
to say to my friend,
23
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:17,392
go stay in a hotel?
24
00:01:17,428 --> 00:01:18,794
Besides, he's a fun guy.
25
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:22,642
Squirting flowers and
joy buzzers are not fun.
26
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:26,234
A pony in my
bathtub was not fun.
27
00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:28,420
Oh, so he pulls a
few harmless pranks.
28
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,600
You didn't have to
clean up the bathroom.
29
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,458
Listen, if it wasn't for
his sense of humor,
30
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,971
I don't think I'd have
gotten through basic training.
31
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,929
What did he do, short-sheet
the colonel's bed?
32
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,430
How did you know?
33
00:01:39,717 --> 00:01:42,117
There he is! You listen to me.
34
00:01:42,152 --> 00:01:43,529
What? Listen, he's
going to behave himself
35
00:01:43,553 --> 00:01:44,853
in this house or out he goes.
36
00:01:44,888 --> 00:01:46,966
This is not a corral here;
he's going to be a gentleman.
37
00:01:46,990 --> 00:01:48,001
You understand? Okay.
38
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,235
He'll get out,
dribble glass and all.
39
00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:50,225
All right, all right.
40
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,477
Hey! Oscar!
41
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,360
Whoo! Oh, what happened to you?!
42
00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,845
You're putting it on! Whoo!
43
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,635
Felix!
44
00:02:00,671 --> 00:02:03,071
Hello, Mr. Boggs.
45
00:02:03,106 --> 00:02:04,851
I didn't want to impose
on you empty-handed,
46
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,786
so I stopped by and got
some chicken in a bucket.
47
00:02:06,810 --> 00:02:08,744
Ah.
48
00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:09,911
That's very kind of you.
49
00:02:09,946 --> 00:02:10,946
Thank you very much.
50
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,508
♪ ♪
51
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:30,575
♪ ♪
52
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:46,891
♪ Yesterday, when I was young ♪
53
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:49,728
♪ So many happy songs ♪
54
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,958
♪ Were waiting to be sung ♪
55
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:55,049
♪ So many wild pleasures ♪
56
00:03:55,085 --> 00:03:57,652
♪ Lay in store for me ♪
57
00:03:57,688 --> 00:04:01,957
♪ And so much pain my
dazzled eyes refused to see ♪
58
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:05,159
♪ I ran so fast that time ♪
59
00:04:05,195 --> 00:04:07,662
♪ And youth at last ran out ♪
60
00:04:07,698 --> 00:04:10,198
♪ I never stopped to think ♪
61
00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:13,201
♪ What life was all about ♪
62
00:04:13,236 --> 00:04:17,872
♪ And every conversation
I can now recall ♪
63
00:04:17,908 --> 00:04:21,042
♪ Concerned itself with me ♪
64
00:04:21,078 --> 00:04:23,990
♪ And nothing else at all ♪
65
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:28,483
♪ There are so many songs
in me that won't be sung ♪
66
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:33,187
♪ I feel the bitter taste
of tears upon my tongue ♪
67
00:04:33,223 --> 00:04:36,257
♪ The time has
come for me to pay ♪
68
00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:39,327
♪ For yesterday ♪
69
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:42,163
♪ When I was young. ♪
70
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,919
Oh...
71
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,932
Oh, that was terrific!
72
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:50,967
That was terrific!
73
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,569
All right, give me the guitar.
74
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:55,494
Look at the guitar. Okay.
75
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,039
Now, I want you
to do my favorite.
76
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:58,808
Come on. You got
to do my favorite.
77
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,599
Once, at least.
78
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,233
♪ Down the road there from me ♪
79
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:03,618
♪ There's a big hollow tree ♪
80
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:06,004
♪ Where you lay
down a dollar or two ♪
81
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,005
Yeah!
82
00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:08,674
♪ Well, you go round the bend ♪
83
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,353
♪ When you come back again ♪
84
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:12,789
♪ There's a jug full of
good old mountain dew ♪
85
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:16,080
♪ Well, they call it that
good old mountain dew ♪
86
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:19,117
♪ And them that
refuse it are few ♪
87
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,203
♪ I'll hush up my mug
if you'll fill up my jug ♪
88
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,634
♪ With some good
old mountain dew ♪
89
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,943
♪ Now my brother Bill's
got a still on the hill ♪
90
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,556
♪ Where he runs off ♪
91
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:31,646
♪ A gallon or two ♪
92
00:05:31,682 --> 00:05:33,882
♪ And the buzzards
in the... sky ♪
93
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,650
♪ Get so drunk they can't fly ♪
94
00:05:35,686 --> 00:05:38,319
♪ From a-smellin' that
good old mountain dew ♪
95
00:05:38,354 --> 00:05:41,056
♪ Well, they call it that
good old mountain dew ♪
96
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:44,475
♪ And them that
refuse it are few ♪
97
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:48,046
♪ I'll hush up my mug
if you'll fill up my jug ♪
98
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:52,850
♪ With some good
old mountain dew. ♪
99
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,219
Yeah!
100
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,221
Oh, I love it.
101
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,650
Whoo! Whoo!
102
00:05:57,674 --> 00:05:59,486
I can do that over and...
It's been a long time.
103
00:05:59,510 --> 00:06:01,738
Yeah. Hey, Felix, Felix,
ain't he something, huh?
104
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,446
It's very good...
for what it is.
105
00:06:04,481 --> 00:06:05,591
Play another one, will you?
106
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,032
No.
107
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,879
Well, I don't have
time anyway, Oscar.
108
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,881
I've got to get ready
for the rodeo. Oh.
109
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,950
But I do want to thank
you, Felix, for what you said
110
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,117
about my singing and playing.
111
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,119
I know you know
a lot about music.
112
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:18,321
Well, you're more than welcome.
113
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:19,828
Shake?
114
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,119
You think that's funny?
115
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,564
It is funny. It is funny?
116
00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:29,921
You think that's funny?
117
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,123
Yes!
118
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,124
My napkin.
119
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,636
Oh, he's such a funny guy.
120
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,071
What a wonderful
person to have around.
121
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,295
He's a... Oh, knock it off.
122
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,897
He's been in the
house half a day,
123
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,012
already I've sat on his
whoopee cushions three times.
124
00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:45,753
He glued my shoes to the floor,
and he greased the toilet seat.
125
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,601
That's because
he's a fun-loving guy,
126
00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:51,037
and he likes to
see people laugh.
127
00:06:51,061 --> 00:06:52,438
You notice he
doesn't do it to me.
128
00:06:52,462 --> 00:06:53,639
Because I think it's funny.
129
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,074
He does it to you
because you're stuffy
130
00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:56,426
and don't have a sense of humor.
131
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,060
I don't have a sense
of humor? That's right.
132
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,796
Me? Yeah.
133
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,898
The one who had them
rolling in the trenches at Anzio
134
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:05,006
with my imitation
of Noel Coward?
135
00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:06,436
You think that was funny?
136
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,470
What do you think's funny?
137
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,505
"Good evening,
ladies and germs."
138
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,239
Yeah!
139
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,630
You'll love this one.
140
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,899
A man walks into an elevator.
There's a naked woman.
141
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,935
He says, "My wife's got an
outfit just like that at home."
142
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,749
Boy, that's funny!
143
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,339
That's funny.
144
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,219
I got to be getting
down to the rodeo.
145
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,543
I sure hate that I'm gonna miss
146
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,289
one of your fine
dinners tonight.
147
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:29,815
Well, I'm certain you'll make
it for breakfast, won't you?
148
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:30,960
Felix, you seem a bit testy.
149
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,161
Have I been getting
on your nerves?
150
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,996
I have a feeling that
you don't like me.
151
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:37,239
I don't like your-your
pranks very much.
152
00:07:37,274 --> 00:07:38,551
That's because
you've never tried 'em.
153
00:07:38,575 --> 00:07:40,002
You ought to try 'em one time.
154
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,726
I don't think so.
155
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,873
You want to pull a great
prank on Oscar while I'm gone?
156
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,830
No. What?
157
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,934
This rubber hot dog.
158
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,581
Oh, they're a gas!
A rubber hot dog?
159
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,082
Yeah, he takes
one bite out of it
160
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,684
and then chews it all
night long. It's rubber.
161
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,986
I wish I could be here to see
the expression on his face.
162
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,050
Thank you very much.
163
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,766
Oscar! OSCAR: Yes?
164
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:12,034
Oscar, listen, dinner won't
be ready for about an hour,
165
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,136
but I have a little snack
for you if you'd like it.
166
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,538
One of your favorites.
What do you got?
167
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,607
Yeah, nice cold hot dog,
just the way you like it.
168
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,843
Put a lot of mustard on it.
With a lot of mustard, yeah.
169
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,311
That's nice of you.
170
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,415
Well... Ooh, that's terrific.
171
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,532
How is it?
172
00:08:39,636 --> 00:08:41,735
The bun's a little stale.
173
00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:46,974
Here, have some dessert.
174
00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,827
That's-that's quite a surprise.
175
00:09:38,862 --> 00:09:39,828
Mozart, wasn't it?
176
00:09:39,863 --> 00:09:41,429
Yes, it was.
177
00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:42,914
Till you turned it into Memphis.
178
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:45,717
You like good music?
179
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:46,951
Yes, one of my first loves.
180
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:47,952
Really?
181
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:49,254
Hey, you know this?
182
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:52,089
Vivaldi.
183
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,425
Wow, can you play this?
184
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:56,127
Well, I... it's been a while.
185
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:58,162
What happens? Does
the fiddle explode?
186
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:00,242
This is a real violin.
187
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,600
The bow is made of licorice?
188
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:03,813
I'm very serious now.
189
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,748
Well, just start from here.
190
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,973
One, two, three.
191
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,841
You are good.
192
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,720
Well, you know, I
used to practice a lot.
193
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:47,145
In fact, I had a scholarship
before I went in the army.
194
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,491
No kidding. Why'd
you give it up?
195
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:49,881
Well, sitting in a room all day
196
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,727
practicing on the violin
is not my idea of fun.
197
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:53,162
I like to get out
with the people
198
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,430
and joke, make 'em laugh.
199
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:58,289
No. Fun is mesmerizing
an audience of thousands.
200
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:01,326
Fun is the happiness your
gift can bring to other people.
201
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,611
Let's do this one again.
202
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:07,631
One, two, three.
203
00:11:32,675 --> 00:11:34,208
En garde!
204
00:11:34,244 --> 00:11:35,488
Hey, that's great!
205
00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:37,456
You like dueling!
No, not dueling.
206
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,909
What you were doing,
the playing, that was terrific.
207
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,844
You see that? You see
the reaction of that man?
208
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:42,817
Now, that's fun.
209
00:11:42,852 --> 00:11:45,019
You really liked that, Oscar?
210
00:11:45,054 --> 00:11:48,423
I'm telling you, it
was sensational!
211
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,791
You guys excuse me.
212
00:11:49,826 --> 00:11:51,759
What's this all about?
213
00:12:01,437 --> 00:12:02,403
Congratulations.
214
00:12:02,438 --> 00:12:03,582
For what?
215
00:12:03,606 --> 00:12:06,240
You just turned that man
into a concert violinist.
216
00:12:06,276 --> 00:12:07,942
I did?
217
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:08,943
You're a magician.
218
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,189
I am?
219
00:12:10,213 --> 00:12:12,773
Then how come I can't
make you disappear?
220
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:19,248
Come on, Willie.
221
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,749
You been practicing
for three days.
222
00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,285
I want you to meet
my friend, Murray.
223
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,408
You'll love him.
224
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,953
He can direct
traffic with his nose.
225
00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:26,811
Murray.
226
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:27,912
Is this the guy?
227
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,592
Wild Willie Boggs,
meet Murray the cop.
228
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:30,659
How's it going?
229
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,861
Uh-uh. I heard about you.
230
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:35,119
I'm not falling for that one.
231
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,394
Come on, let's all sit
down. Grab a chair, Murray.
232
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,060
Ooh, ooh!
233
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,595
You almost got me that time.
234
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,641
Oscar, what would have
happened if I sat in that chair?
235
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:46,809
See, that's the beauty part.
236
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,510
You never know
with Wild Willie, see?
237
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,582
Willie, tell him about the time
we were stationed in Tokyo.
238
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,517
Go ahead. You're
gonna love this, I tell ya.
239
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:57,508
Well, we went into
this geisha house.
240
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:58,909
Yeah, yeah.
241
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,305
Stayed about two days and
then went on back to the base.
242
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,517
That's not funny, Oscar.
243
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:07,885
He's warming up.
244
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,398
Willie, you didn't tell
him what happened
245
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,632
when they served dinner.
246
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,168
Oh, here it comes.
Here it comes. Oh, this...
247
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,635
You won't be able
to stand this one.
248
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:15,204
Well, we took our
shoes off, Yeah.
249
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,039
Sat around on
all these cushions.
250
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,041
Two beautiful girls
brought all this food in
251
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:22,000
and Oscar and me ate too much.
252
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,787
Oscar, he's no Morey Amsterdam.
253
00:13:26,822 --> 00:13:29,290
I don't understand you, Willie!
254
00:13:29,325 --> 00:13:31,353
You can't even break up Murray
255
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,639
and he laughs at police lineups.
256
00:13:33,663 --> 00:13:35,697
I'm sorry. I don't
have time for all of this.
257
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:36,864
I've got to practice.
258
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,444
I've got to learn a
very difficult number.
259
00:13:38,468 --> 00:13:39,734
Nice meeting you, Murray.
260
00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:41,413
Boy, I tell you, you're
not a fun guy anymore.
261
00:13:41,437 --> 00:13:42,715
I'll tell you that.
262
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,684
I've seen guys in
traction funnier than you.
263
00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:46,674
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
264
00:13:46,710 --> 00:13:48,476
I'm sorry, Murray.
265
00:13:48,511 --> 00:13:52,363
Well, he seems like a nice
guy, but he just wasn't funny.
266
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,032
He used to be.
267
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,366
Felix ruined him.
268
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:58,218
He ruined my funniest friend.
269
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:03,258
I thought I was
his funniest friend.
270
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,162
Play "Melancholy Baby"!
271
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,808
Do you have to be such a boor?
272
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,677
Do you realize you're
tampering with a man's life?
273
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:28,900
Why don't you go in there
274
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,568
and tell him he
doesn't have to do this?
275
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:31,747
You know what you are? What?
276
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,749
You're the kind of man
who ruins the world.
277
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,156
How?
278
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:38,192
He sticks an umbrella
down my pants,
279
00:14:38,228 --> 00:14:40,255
opens it, and you
scream with laughter.
280
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,180
'Cause it's funny.
281
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,659
You have a hotfoot mentality.
282
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:44,683
And what about you?
283
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,017
You turn a former funny guy
284
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,484
into a mummy in a violin case.
285
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,964
I hope you're very
happy with yourself.
286
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:50,299
I'm delighted. Okay.
287
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,767
You know what's gonna
happen here Saturday afternoon?
288
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:54,125
Sure, you're gonna
shampoo the rug.
289
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,460
After that.
290
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:57,106
You know who's coming
to my opera recital?
291
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,629
Who? Boris Kalnikov.
292
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,331
Hooray!
293
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:03,500
Boris Kalnikov, the
concert impresario.
294
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:04,847
With one wave of his cane,
295
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,682
he can give him a
whole new career.
296
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,116
I'm gonna have
Willie play for him.
297
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:09,151
Isn't that exciting?
298
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,475
Oh, be still my heart.
299
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,809
Now listen to me.
300
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,389
His dinner's in the oven.
301
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,057
Serve it to him in one hour.
302
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,715
Shall I slip it to him
under his cell door?
303
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,729
I shudder to think what
would have happened
304
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,430
if you'd been a friend
of Michelangelo's.
305
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:22,998
There'd be no Sistine Chapel.
306
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:25,000
You'd have said, "Leave
your brushes, Mike.
307
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:26,958
We'll go tip over gondolas."
308
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,047
All right, everyone, here we go.
309
00:15:33,082 --> 00:15:35,227
Meeting will come to order!
310
00:15:35,251 --> 00:15:37,396
All right, the meeting
will come to order.
311
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:38,630
Come on, everybody. Sit down.
312
00:15:38,654 --> 00:15:40,466
Sit down, everybody.
Please sit down.
313
00:15:40,490 --> 00:15:41,900
Sit down. No! No, you can't have
314
00:15:41,924 --> 00:15:43,435
the biggest chair this
time. Oh, my dear boy.
315
00:15:43,459 --> 00:15:44,603
No, we're saving that chair
316
00:15:44,627 --> 00:15:46,605
for something very special.
317
00:15:46,629 --> 00:15:48,607
Members of the Lexington
Avenue Opera Club,
318
00:15:48,631 --> 00:15:52,099
welcome to Mozart and Muffins.
319
00:15:52,134 --> 00:15:54,101
Mozart made the music,
320
00:15:54,136 --> 00:15:55,736
and I made the muffins.
321
00:15:55,771 --> 00:15:58,739
So, help yourself
as you see fit.
322
00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:00,741
Now... Well, just...
323
00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:02,388
Oh, no, don't take any of those.
324
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:04,356
Those are for our honored
speaker. Take some of those.
325
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,791
All right, everybody.
Sit down. Sit down.
326
00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:08,210
We have a great
big surprise for you.
327
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,701
We're going to
have a surprise guest
328
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:12,870
and a surprise performer.
329
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:16,040
But to start things off,
our own Fred Flescher
330
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:17,819
will sing an aria for us
331
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:19,971
that he has been
working on for 14 years.
332
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:27,301
I shall sing "Il Mio Tesoro."
333
00:16:27,336 --> 00:16:28,536
From Don Giovanni.
334
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:38,563
♪ Il mio tesoro intanto ♪
335
00:16:40,649 --> 00:16:43,034
♪ Andate ♪
336
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:47,154
♪ Andate ♪
337
00:16:47,189 --> 00:16:49,323
♪ A consolar... ♪
338
00:16:49,358 --> 00:16:51,709
Sing away.
339
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:56,080
♪ ...E del bel
ciglio il pianto ♪
340
00:16:56,115 --> 00:17:02,086
♪ Cercate di asciugar ♪
341
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,755
♪ Cercate ♪
342
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:07,291
♪ Cercate ♪
343
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:15,099
♪ Cercate di asciugar ♪
344
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:18,102
♪ Cercate... ♪
345
00:17:22,525 --> 00:17:25,493
Ah, Mr. Kalnikov.
346
00:17:25,528 --> 00:17:26,761
Come in.
347
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,496
Oh, such an honor.
348
00:17:28,531 --> 00:17:29,914
Thank you, Mr. Flescher.
349
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,426
Ladies and gentlemen,
350
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:32,917
members of the Opera Club,
351
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,586
this is Mr. Boris Kalnikov.
352
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,266
A Famous... a famous...
353
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,257
Shut up, Flescher!
354
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,259
Sit down. Have a muffin.
355
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,760
Ah.
356
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,195
Isn't he talented?
357
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,998
He could use a
little more practice.
358
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,344
Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry.
359
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,778
I wanted to make
a good impression.
360
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,769
Never mind the impression.
361
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,804
You're not Rich Little.
362
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,823
I came to hear the
cowboy violinist.
363
00:17:55,858 --> 00:17:57,786
And you will hear him last.
364
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,777
No, I will hear him first.
365
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,780
Ah, well, let me explain
my thinking, Mr. Kalnikov.
366
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,127
I, too, am something
of an impresario.
367
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:07,618
Mr. William Boggs is our star.
368
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,664
I thought you'd hear
all of our group first
369
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:12,707
and then as a big
finale, our top performer.
370
00:18:12,742 --> 00:18:14,709
Let me explain my thinking.
371
00:18:14,744 --> 00:18:17,211
I will hear your
top performer first
372
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:19,274
and then I will go
home and have dinner.
373
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:21,265
Good thinking.
374
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,933
Are you ready, William?
375
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:24,935
All set.
376
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:28,239
Honored guest,
ladies and gentlemen
377
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,274
of the Lexington
Avenue Opera Club,
378
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,654
Felix Unger presents
379
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:36,147
a startling new talent,
380
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:39,816
born of poor, but industrious
sharecropper parents,
381
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:43,070
in a one-room cabin in
Gooseberry, Kentucky...
382
00:18:43,105 --> 00:18:46,124
Boring!
383
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:49,127
And so without further ado,
384
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,640
I present Mr. William Boggs.
385
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:52,989
Stop!
386
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,991
That's enough!
387
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,228
You are a genius!
388
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:58,562
Oh!
389
00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,897
Do you really think so?
390
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,401
Kalnikov knows a
genius when he sees one.
391
00:20:03,435 --> 00:20:05,152
Oh, I'm so glad you agree
392
00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:07,707
with me. And you,
sir, you're an idiot.
393
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,741
Why do you say that?
394
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:13,277
Kalnikov knows an
idiot when he sees one.
395
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:18,583
Aren't you the great
Wild Willie Boggs?
396
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:20,250
Yes.
397
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:23,754
Well, then, sir,
you're a genius.
398
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,557
You are the funniest
man I ever saw.
399
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,593
Don't you remember
me from the rodeo?
400
00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:31,596
You set fire to my cape.
401
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,430
Was that you?
402
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,933
Who else would wear
a cape in Phoenix?
403
00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:38,736
You crazy guy.
404
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,738
But... what did you think
405
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,251
of the way he played
the "Czardash"?
406
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:45,409
Oh, 90 guys can
play the same way.
407
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:48,045
Boring!
408
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,081
But Wild Willie Boggs...
409
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,499
he's one of a kind.
410
00:20:51,534 --> 00:20:53,751
What I do now, Oscar?
411
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,253
Willie, that's your decision.
412
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,121
Now what is it you
really want to do?
413
00:20:57,156 --> 00:21:00,207
Well, I'd like to
play some more.
414
00:21:00,242 --> 00:21:01,474
Good! Good!
415
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,476
Wonderful!
416
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,323
Uh, are you in
opera or the rodeo?
417
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:06,347
No, I'm in baseball.
418
00:21:06,382 --> 00:21:09,216
Are you Hank Aaron?
419
00:21:09,252 --> 00:21:11,252
No.
420
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:13,987
Mr. Boggs will resume
with the allegretto.
421
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,870
Yeah!
422
00:21:36,946 --> 00:21:38,345
Whoo!
423
00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:40,314
Yee-haw! Whoo! Whoo!
424
00:21:43,186 --> 00:21:44,618
Yee-haw!
425
00:21:44,653 --> 00:21:46,353
Whoo-hoo!
426
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,077
Felix, I'm sorry that I
messed up your audition.
427
00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:55,396
No, no, no, no,
that's all right.
428
00:21:55,431 --> 00:21:56,909
I just... I don't
know what comes...
429
00:21:56,933 --> 00:21:58,743
I just have to do it
my way. Of course.
430
00:21:58,767 --> 00:22:01,568
Listen, now for
me, play some Bach
431
00:22:01,604 --> 00:22:03,204
on the guitar. No more Bach.
432
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,084
Will you play my
favorite, "Mountain Dew"?
433
00:22:05,108 --> 00:22:06,919
No, no, no, play a
nice classical thing...
434
00:22:06,943 --> 00:22:08,320
Please. I don't want to
hear anything classical.
435
00:22:08,344 --> 00:22:10,089
- I want "Mountain Dew"!
- Wait, wait.
436
00:22:11,614 --> 00:22:13,581
Can I do something for myself?
437
00:22:13,616 --> 00:22:15,549
He's entitled.
438
00:22:49,736 --> 00:22:51,668
♪ ♪
439
00:23:21,350 --> 00:23:23,283
♪ ♪
440
00:23:53,215 --> 00:23:55,166
♪ ♪
441
00:24:25,181 --> 00:24:27,114
♪ ♪
442
00:24:40,362 --> 00:24:42,295
Olé!
443
00:24:46,201 --> 00:24:48,134
Whoo!
444
00:24:51,106 --> 00:24:53,057
All right.
445
00:24:56,112 --> 00:24:57,744
Are you happy?
446
00:24:57,779 --> 00:25:00,339
He finally played Bach for you.
31105
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