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1
00:00:06,557 --> 00:00:08,990
Ladies and gentlemen,
on behalf of the Association
2
00:00:09,025 --> 00:00:12,127
for the Advancement of
Commercials and Advertising,
3
00:00:12,162 --> 00:00:13,428
I would like to welcome you
4
00:00:13,464 --> 00:00:15,731
to the tenth annual
Dink Award Dinner.
5
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:19,935
As you know, each year,
we honor the best commercial
6
00:00:19,970 --> 00:00:21,903
with this trophy, The Dink.
7
00:00:25,709 --> 00:00:29,344
Named in honor of our
father of modern advertising,
8
00:00:29,379 --> 00:00:32,547
Sidney B. Dink...
9
00:00:32,582 --> 00:00:34,482
who, in 1855,
10
00:00:34,518 --> 00:00:37,464
revolutionized
our infant industry
11
00:00:37,488 --> 00:00:41,890
with his slogan, "You
want to buy this?"
12
00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:45,794
Hi, Felix.
13
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:50,465
Murray.
14
00:00:50,501 --> 00:00:51,811
What are you doing here?
15
00:00:51,835 --> 00:00:54,335
I just finished a report for a
car accident down the street.
16
00:00:54,371 --> 00:00:55,336
Ah.
17
00:00:55,372 --> 00:00:56,549
Nobody hurt, I hope.
18
00:00:56,573 --> 00:00:59,173
No, I'm fine.
19
00:00:59,209 --> 00:01:02,176
The patrol car will
be fixed by tomorrow.
20
00:01:02,212 --> 00:01:03,645
Hey, did you get your award yet?
21
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:04,891
No, they've just started.
22
00:01:04,915 --> 00:01:05,881
Ah.
23
00:01:05,916 --> 00:01:07,448
Where's Oscar?
24
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:08,595
He's not here.
25
00:01:08,619 --> 00:01:09,718
Oh, late again, huh?
26
00:01:09,753 --> 00:01:11,520
Good old Oscar.
27
00:01:11,555 --> 00:01:13,132
No, he's not coming.
28
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,301
Lost his ticket, huh?
29
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:18,092
He tore up his ticket
and threw it in my face.
30
00:01:18,128 --> 00:01:19,528
Oh.
31
00:01:19,563 --> 00:01:22,297
He said I was a low,
despicable, vile man,
32
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:25,083
completely devoid of
morals, ethics and scruples.
33
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,086
Don't feel bad, Felix.
You know how Oscar is.
34
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,388
He gets mad, and
he says dirty things.
35
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:35,393
The only difference is
that this time he's right.
36
00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:11,579
♪ ♪
37
00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:45,647
♪ ♪
38
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,846
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
39
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,596
I did a terrible thing, Murray.
40
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,586
Ladies and gentlemen...
41
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,720
You want to talk about it?
42
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,289
You could tell
me; I'm your friend.
43
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:12,858
I broke the law.
44
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,158
Face the wall, Unger!
45
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,143
Murray!
46
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,429
Oh.
47
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:18,697
I'm sorry, Felix.
48
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:19,898
I'm like a coiled spring.
49
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,286
Go ahead, tell
your story, citizen.
50
00:03:28,091 --> 00:03:30,659
Well, this whole mess
began about six months ago.
51
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,605
I-I took a photographic
assignment
52
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,589
at the Fat A Way
diet pill company.
53
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,479
I know you and Felix have
been awfully good to me,
54
00:03:39,503 --> 00:03:41,481
but I really want
out of the contract.
55
00:03:41,505 --> 00:03:43,738
All right, Ben,
56
00:03:43,774 --> 00:03:45,707
let's look over your hill and...
57
00:03:49,713 --> 00:03:52,447
Let's-let's look over your
hill and see where you stand.
58
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,527
You want out of the contract
you just signed, right?
59
00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,435
Yes, I do.
60
00:03:56,470 --> 00:04:00,856
As they say in Paris,
France, "uh-uh."
61
00:04:00,891 --> 00:04:04,125
Does Felix know about this?
62
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,244
No.
63
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:07,173
Then I don't want to
know about it either.
64
00:04:07,197 --> 00:04:08,263
Hello, Mr. Hooper.
65
00:04:08,298 --> 00:04:09,264
Hi, Felix.
66
00:04:09,299 --> 00:04:10,598
Here's your 1:00 appointment.
67
00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:13,434
Well, how's my favorite cousin?
68
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,115
Oh, not too good, Felix.
69
00:04:15,139 --> 00:04:17,072
Aw, what's the matter?
70
00:04:17,107 --> 00:04:19,041
You're all upset, aren't you?
71
00:04:19,076 --> 00:04:20,108
Relax, relax.
72
00:04:20,144 --> 00:04:21,755
Everything's
going to be all right.
73
00:04:21,779 --> 00:04:24,612
Here, have a taffy.
74
00:04:24,648 --> 00:04:27,432
Your "before" picture
came out absolutely great.
75
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,012
Is it all right if I
cover this concept?
76
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,001
Sure.
77
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,169
Look at this.
78
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:34,306
Look at that... Every
chin in perfect focus.
79
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,441
I can't wait till you
take off the weight
80
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:37,975
and we take the "after" picture.
81
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,490
Felix, I give you four
bells for that shot.
82
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,231
Four bells, wow!
83
00:04:43,266 --> 00:04:45,617
It's a crying shame
we can't use the picture.
84
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:46,535
Why not?
85
00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:47,869
Ask your chubby cousin here.
86
00:04:47,905 --> 00:04:49,749
He doesn't want to lose
the weight with my pills!
87
00:04:49,773 --> 00:04:51,657
Ben, why?
88
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:54,359
Oh, he's got a chance to
get into professional wrestling.
89
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,378
Going to call himself Super Fat.
90
00:04:56,413 --> 00:04:58,480
Super Fat?
91
00:04:58,515 --> 00:04:59,515
What is this, a joke?
92
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,632
No.
93
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,535
I gave your little
cousin Dimples here
94
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,437
$3,000 advance.
95
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:09,508
He spent $2,500 of it
on sequined leotards.
96
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,076
Ben!
97
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,645
Oh, shame on you.
98
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,014
Well, I could be
a contender, Felix.
99
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:20,284
Oh, you're going to
prison for this, lardo.
100
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,188
Even if they have to knock
out a wall to fit you into a cell!
101
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,490
Prison? This is business!
102
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,625
Wait, now, let's-let's-
let's not be hasty.
103
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:31,129
Ben, let me talk to
Mr. Hooper alone.
104
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:33,181
It's not too far from ad
man to mad man, you know.
105
00:05:35,118 --> 00:05:39,520
You're the best cousin
a cousin ever had.
106
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,556
Here, have another taffy.
107
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,371
He's been a
problem in the family
108
00:05:45,395 --> 00:05:48,764
ever since he was this big.
109
00:05:48,799 --> 00:05:50,766
You don't have
to tell me about fat.
110
00:05:50,801 --> 00:05:51,801
I'm a former fatty!
111
00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:56,054
I worked hard to
lose this waistline.
112
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,650
Then you should have
some compassion.
113
00:05:57,674 --> 00:06:01,510
Felix, the ad is due
in the printer's tonight.
114
00:06:01,545 --> 00:06:04,446
I've got a board of directors
waiting to sit on my bell.
115
00:06:04,481 --> 00:06:06,526
Either you find
another tubbo fast,
116
00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:09,884
or your cousin becomes
the fat man of Alcatraz.
117
00:06:09,919 --> 00:06:11,531
I've got one. I've
got... Got one what?
118
00:06:11,555 --> 00:06:12,720
I got a fat guy for you.
119
00:06:12,756 --> 00:06:14,467
Well, where is he? Right here.
120
00:06:14,491 --> 00:06:16,002
Fat guy in your wallet? Yes.
121
00:06:16,026 --> 00:06:17,937
Two bells for the
fat guy in your wallet.
122
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,628
Look.
123
00:06:21,231 --> 00:06:22,975
Now, that's championship chubs.
124
00:06:24,568 --> 00:06:26,246
That-that's the
way I used to look.
125
00:06:26,270 --> 00:06:28,097
Who is it? That's
my roommate, Oscar.
126
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,056
You mean you live in the
same barn with this thing?
127
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,890
No, no, that-that was
taken eight years ago.
128
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,392
He's lost a lot of weight.
129
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,072
What, he's one of
us now? Yeah, yeah.
130
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,607
Well, why do you still
carry this picture with you?
131
00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:39,830
For laughs.
132
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:40,866
I show it at parties.
133
00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:44,297
You're really a good friend.
134
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,419
Oh, yeah.
135
00:06:45,455 --> 00:06:46,933
He loves it when
I tease him. Yeah.
136
00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:49,035
Yeah. Well, if he's thin
now, how can we use him?
137
00:06:49,059 --> 00:06:50,425
Simple.
138
00:06:50,460 --> 00:06:52,793
We use this picture as "before."
139
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:56,064
Then we take a picture of
him as he is now for today.
140
00:06:56,099 --> 00:06:57,365
That will be the "after," see?
141
00:06:57,401 --> 00:06:58,666
It's simple.
142
00:06:58,701 --> 00:06:59,712
That's totally
dishonest, isn't it?
143
00:06:59,736 --> 00:07:00,702
We can't do that.
144
00:07:00,737 --> 00:07:02,838
I like it.
145
00:07:02,873 --> 00:07:05,106
But, uh, is it ethical?
146
00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:06,352
Uh, sure, it's ethical.
147
00:07:06,376 --> 00:07:08,104
A lot of people do
it. Then we'll do it.
148
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,905
Sure. Well, get your
roommate on the phone,
149
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,023
have him sign a release.
150
00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:12,614
Aw, he... I can't.
151
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:13,632
He's out of town.
152
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,668
I feel like a rat in a maze,
153
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,214
butting my head against walls!
154
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,849
First, you bring your
fat cousin in here!
155
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,189
He quits on me!
156
00:07:21,224 --> 00:07:24,592
We decide on your
roommate, and he's out of town!
157
00:07:24,627 --> 00:07:26,038
You're going to
drive me to food.
158
00:07:26,062 --> 00:07:27,862
Okay.
159
00:07:27,898 --> 00:07:29,609
Soon as he gets
back, I'll talk him into it.
160
00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:30,793
I can talk him into anything.
161
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,829
He can have the $500
your cousin left over.
162
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:35,454
For $500, he'd pose naked.
163
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:36,888
This is a family pill.
164
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:41,504
Let me see, what
took place here?
165
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,272
Let me run it
through my computer.
166
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,899
Gonna use the cousin, he's
too fat, he's not fat, gonna go.
167
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,246
Gonna use the
roommate, he's okay,
168
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,648
he's out of town,
we'll use him anyway.
169
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,416
Gonna have the $500 extra.
170
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,706
I did good. Five bells for me.
171
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,985
Oh.
172
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,922
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.
173
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:14,359
301 pounds of fun.
174
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:15,727
All of it potato chips.
175
00:08:19,616 --> 00:08:21,116
Hi, Felix.
176
00:08:21,151 --> 00:08:25,052
There he is, Mr. Travel Guy!
177
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,787
Welcome home!
178
00:08:26,823 --> 00:08:28,590
How was San Francisco?
179
00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:29,969
I think I got trolley lash.
180
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,579
Where's your luggage?
181
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:35,625
I didn't take any.
182
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,209
Except socks, that's all.
183
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,587
You didn't take any
luggage to San Francisco?
184
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,317
Well, I was only
there for two days.
185
00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:47,742
Did you at least
take a toothbrush?
186
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:50,912
Of course, of course
I took a toothbrush.
187
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:55,295
You're some guy, you know that?
188
00:08:55,319 --> 00:08:56,851
You're easygoing.
189
00:08:56,886 --> 00:08:58,431
Will-o'-the-wisp Madison.
Yes, I'm will-o'-the-wisp.
190
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,132
Look at this, a warning
from Blanche's lawyer.
191
00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:02,468
$280 back alimony
or I go to jail.
192
00:09:02,492 --> 00:09:04,626
I got your favorite snack:
cookies and ketchup.
193
00:09:04,661 --> 00:09:06,327
Sit down, relax.
194
00:09:06,362 --> 00:09:07,862
Dip away. I'll get you a beer.
195
00:09:16,272 --> 00:09:18,206
Felix.
196
00:09:20,576 --> 00:09:21,560
What?
197
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,062
What?
198
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,141
What is this?
199
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,175
What's what? This.
200
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,766
Oh, that! Yeah! Oh!
201
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:31,002
Yeah, that's, uh, that's a
blowup of an ad I'm working on.
202
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:34,105
Felix, under those glasses
and mustache there is me.
203
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:36,675
That's you all over.
204
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,354
Felix, what is
205
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,790
this old photo of
me doing in this ad?!
206
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,208
Hey, is this all over New York?
207
00:09:42,232 --> 00:09:45,066
Oh, no, no, no, no.
208
00:09:45,101 --> 00:09:46,084
Next week.
209
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,252
Felix, no next week.
210
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,766
I don't want the
whole world to know
211
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,110
that once I looked
like Moby Dick.
212
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,626
Moby Dick. That's r...
213
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:55,627
You-you're something.
214
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,406
I want an explanation, Felix.
215
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,263
Isn't that just like you?
216
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,298
You're so predictable.
217
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,866
You come in, you
see that picture
218
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,101
and you want an explanation.
219
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:08,539
I tell you, Oscar, the
things that happen to me,
220
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,141
I should write a book.
221
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:13,444
Isn't it interesting how the
most complex things in life
222
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,613
turn out to be simple.
223
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:15,847
You know my cousin Ben?
224
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:16,848
Ben? Yeah.
225
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,083
Oh, Ben, you know, Ben, Ben.
226
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,451
Yeah, well, don't mince words.
227
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,820
Uh, the beach ball.
228
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,254
Yeah.
229
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:26,390
Anyway, if we don't use
that ad, Ben goes to jail.
230
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,664
Sounds reasonable.
231
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:34,777
Why didn't you ask me
before you did a thing like this?!
232
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:35,750
Didn't I try.
233
00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:36,851
Why don't you tell me
234
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,014
where you're
staying out of town?
235
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,554
Guess.
236
00:10:41,091 --> 00:10:44,392
Oscar, three words:
trust me, please.
237
00:10:44,427 --> 00:10:45,994
Felix, 19 words:
238
00:10:46,029 --> 00:10:49,280
I'm never gonna do it if you
dance the Bolero on my nose! No!
239
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,768
That was 11 words, but
I'm not count... you're mad.
240
00:10:53,803 --> 00:10:55,637
It means a lot to me.
It's very important.
241
00:10:55,672 --> 00:10:57,783
It means a lot to me that
nobody sees this photo!
242
00:10:57,807 --> 00:10:59,084
This happened
when I got my divorce.
243
00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:01,254
I was upset, I ate a
lot, I mean, I got fat.
244
00:11:01,278 --> 00:11:02,755
It was embarrassing.
245
00:11:02,779 --> 00:11:04,657
I mean, I didn't wear glasses
and a mustache for nothing.
246
00:11:04,681 --> 00:11:06,024
Please. No!
247
00:11:06,048 --> 00:11:08,093
Now, either you kill that ad
or I kill you, you understand?
248
00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:09,562
All right.
249
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,464
Just tell Mr. Hooper you
don't want the money, that's all.
250
00:11:11,488 --> 00:11:12,765
Again, money. You didn't
mention money before.
251
00:11:12,789 --> 00:11:13,799
Spanish-American
War you mention,
252
00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:15,200
but you didn't mention money.
253
00:11:15,224 --> 00:11:16,702
What are you doing? Cross
your name off the envelope.
254
00:11:16,726 --> 00:11:17,692
Don't cross my name off.
255
00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:18,693
That's like reading my mail.
256
00:11:18,728 --> 00:11:19,694
That says Oscar Madison.
257
00:11:19,729 --> 00:11:20,806
Must be something in there...
258
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,275
There's money in here.
259
00:11:22,299 --> 00:11:23,409
There's $500?
260
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,399
Yeah.
261
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,211
Just for being El Colosso here?
262
00:11:26,235 --> 00:11:27,468
Yeah.
263
00:11:27,504 --> 00:11:28,514
What's the catch?
264
00:11:28,538 --> 00:11:31,205
No catch.
265
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,085
You mean, that's
all there is to it?
266
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,710
Yeah. Well, besides
that I have to take
267
00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:37,645
a picture of you
now, and that's "after."
268
00:11:37,681 --> 00:11:38,780
You see? Before and after.
269
00:11:38,815 --> 00:11:40,381
Oh.
270
00:11:40,416 --> 00:11:41,877
Why doesn't it
sound honest to me?
271
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:43,835
Isn't that funny?
272
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,614
It didn't sound honest
to me either at first,
273
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,204
but it's absolutely ethical.
274
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,323
Lots of people do it.
275
00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:49,358
And it is a good product.
276
00:11:49,392 --> 00:11:50,558
That's important, it is.
277
00:11:50,593 --> 00:11:51,970
All right. Listen,
I'll go along with it,
278
00:11:51,994 --> 00:11:53,372
but I don't want to
do anything dishonest.
279
00:11:53,396 --> 00:11:54,674
I don't blame you. Okay.
280
00:11:54,698 --> 00:11:56,041
Listen, can you keep
this off the books,
281
00:11:56,065 --> 00:11:58,625
so I won't have to declare it?
282
00:11:59,436 --> 00:12:01,436
Hey. Got your message
and came right over.
283
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,482
Oh, I-I've got good
news, I've got bad news.
284
00:12:03,506 --> 00:12:05,351
Yeah? Yeah? First, the bad news.
285
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:07,453
What? Advertising
Committee is sending
286
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:10,645
a man named Doyle over to
make sure our ad isn't fraudulent.
287
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,014
But you said a
lot of people do it.
288
00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:15,369
Well, of course; that's
why they're trying to stop it.
289
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,637
Oh, boy, oh, boy. I
knew we'd get in trouble.
290
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,486
I knew it, I knew it. Just
try to help somebody.
291
00:12:28,698 --> 00:12:30,543
I've been such a
good boy all my life.
292
00:12:30,567 --> 00:12:34,002
Felix, the... the
investigator isn't concerned
293
00:12:34,037 --> 00:12:35,570
about the magazine ad.
294
00:12:35,605 --> 00:12:36,649
He isn't? No.
295
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,105
Then what am I carrying on for?
296
00:12:38,141 --> 00:12:39,718
He's concerned about
the TV commercial.
297
00:12:39,742 --> 00:12:42,510
What? What TV commercial?
298
00:12:42,545 --> 00:12:44,473
The one that you're
going to direct.
299
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,730
Me?
300
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,933
Oh, boy, I'm going to
direct a TV commercial!
301
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:50,913
That's the good news.
Give yourself a bell.
302
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:51,903
Oh, wow!
303
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,270
Yes.
304
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,850
Our magazine ad was such a smash
305
00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:57,152
we bought time on every
TV station in New York.
306
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,287
A TV comm... Yeah.
307
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,894
We'll use a different
model then, huh?
308
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:02,341
Oh no, we'll still use
your former blimp roomie.
309
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:03,609
We've already got billboards up
310
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:05,077
saying "O.M. is coming to TV."
311
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,601
Well, how can we do that?
312
00:13:06,636 --> 00:13:07,813
He's not, he's not fat anymore.
313
00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:09,571
He's one of us. I won't do it.
314
00:13:09,606 --> 00:13:12,273
Felix, how is it going to look?
315
00:13:12,308 --> 00:13:13,653
The investigator's
on his way over...
316
00:13:13,677 --> 00:13:14,854
We cancel the commercial...
317
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,394
not too kosherinio.
318
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,297
Boy, this is my Watergate.
319
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,869
We're in big trouble.
320
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:25,981
Now relax.
321
00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:27,483
Felix, I've got
it all figured out.
322
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:28,706
I've got a great idea.
323
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,175
I love it. How many bells?
324
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,576
No! Don't touch my bell...
325
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:35,180
not unless I give
you permission.
326
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:38,015
Give this, to Oscar.
327
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:41,903
Oh, oh, no, he'd never
do this in a hundred years.
328
00:13:41,938 --> 00:13:43,415
There's another
$500 in it for him.
329
00:13:43,439 --> 00:13:44,805
That's his price.
330
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:58,786
Wrong color.
331
00:13:58,821 --> 00:14:00,621
Who needs a tie?
332
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:10,364
Play it again, Sam.
333
00:14:11,867 --> 00:14:13,512
Hi, Felix. Hi.
334
00:14:13,536 --> 00:14:14,902
Like it?
335
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,448
Hard to believe, isn't it,
336
00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:20,107
you can get a fit like this
right off the rack, huh?
337
00:14:20,143 --> 00:14:21,809
Only $29.29.
338
00:14:21,844 --> 00:14:23,789
Too loud for you?
You don't like it, eh?
339
00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:25,546
No, it's...
340
00:14:25,581 --> 00:14:28,382
It's clean... that's
the important thing.
341
00:14:28,418 --> 00:14:29,783
I'm glad you like it.
342
00:14:29,819 --> 00:14:31,830
I've got a blind date with a
swinging stewardess tonight.
343
00:14:31,854 --> 00:14:33,065
She'll be here in about an hour.
344
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,055
Here? Yeah.
345
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,056
Who fixed you up?
346
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:36,302
The travel agent.
347
00:14:36,326 --> 00:14:38,003
They'll do anything
to get you to fly.
348
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:40,194
Oh, you dirty guy... Yeah.
349
00:14:40,229 --> 00:14:42,964
Felix, I want to tell you how
I thank you for that money,
350
00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:44,465
it came at the right time.
351
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,745
I paid all my bills. I got
this beautiful jacket and...
352
00:14:46,769 --> 00:14:48,414
well, I had enough left to...
353
00:14:48,438 --> 00:14:49,815
well, get you a
little something,
354
00:14:49,839 --> 00:14:50,916
to show my appreciation.
Oh, no, now...
355
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:52,384
Aw, come on, now,
you've got to accept it.
356
00:14:52,408 --> 00:14:53,452
Come on, will ya?
357
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:57,495
Oh, that's very,
very... Hmm... Eh?
358
00:14:57,530 --> 00:15:01,665
Isn't... isn't that different?
359
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:05,769
It's too nice to
wear. Oh, come on.
360
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,139
Well, Santa isn't dead.
361
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,169
You're kidding, my name
again on an envelope? Yeah.
362
00:15:10,193 --> 00:15:12,193
Money. Uh-huh.
363
00:15:12,228 --> 00:15:13,928
I can't believe it. $500?!
364
00:15:13,963 --> 00:15:16,731
Mr. Hooper at Fat A Way
said he thought you deserved it.
365
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:18,210
Again, I don't have
to do anything?
366
00:15:18,234 --> 00:15:22,670
No, well... It's
just one little thing.
367
00:15:22,706 --> 00:15:24,906
Give me back my tie.
368
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:28,009
Don't be shy.
369
00:15:28,044 --> 00:15:29,376
This is ridiculous!
370
00:15:29,412 --> 00:15:30,990
It's not ridiculous.
You're being ridiculous.
371
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,346
Now, come on.
372
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,770
Will you stop laughing?!
373
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,994
You look great!
374
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:07,231
I feel like I've been blown
up by a bicycle pump.
375
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:08,911
No, it's wonderful.
No, it's not.
376
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,968
This reminds me of
when I was really fat.
377
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,003
Now I'm gonna go change.
378
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,366
No, you took the
money, didn't you?
379
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,133
Oh, stop laughing.
380
00:16:15,157 --> 00:16:16,702
The man will be
here, the investigator.
381
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,025
It's only for 30 minutes.
382
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,361
30 minutes is too long to
look like Mount McKinley.
383
00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:25,566
There he is. Now
come on, put it on.
384
00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:31,583
Now, now, big smile. Think fat.
385
00:16:31,607 --> 00:16:33,502
What do you want
me to do... think thin?
386
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,026
Hello, Mr. Hooper.
387
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:36,061
Hi, Felix.
388
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:38,729
Let's get this over with.
389
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:41,298
Oh, this is Mr. Doyle, huh?
390
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,445
Absolutely not.
391
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:44,785
I'm Mr. Doyle.
392
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:49,506
Why don't you step up and
meet our model, Mr. O.M.
393
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,844
Yea, Mr. Doyle, why don't
you go take a hike around him?
394
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,411
Okay.
395
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,244
Is he in any condition
to make a judgment?
396
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,200
The best possible condition.
397
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:03,070
I took him to every bar in town.
398
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:06,073
Four bells for el drunko.
399
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,409
Nothing phony about
this guy, huh, Mr. Doyle?
400
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:11,995
He's got his own zip code.
401
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:15,833
I'd like to see Evel
Knievel jump over him.
402
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,417
Ding, ding.
403
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:20,266
Would you mind
taking off your coat?
404
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:23,324
Uh, Mr. Doyle, how about
a little trip to the well?
405
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:24,759
Right down the hall.
406
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,595
Oh, not that kind
of well... this well.
407
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:30,130
Here you are, Mr. Doyle,
how about in a glass this time.
408
00:17:30,166 --> 00:17:31,444
It'll be unique. Okay.
409
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:32,468
This way, come on.
410
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,985
Oh, that must be my date!
411
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:36,187
All right.
412
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:41,158
Hello. Hello, I'm Ann.
413
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:42,259
Come in, Ann.
414
00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:43,794
Nice to meet you.
415
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,307
You're cute. Thank you.
416
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:46,697
Boy, am I relieved.
417
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,994
You don't know I was so
scared to take this blind date.
418
00:17:49,018 --> 00:17:51,886
I meet so many kooks and
weirdos, you know? Uh-huh.
419
00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:53,632
You look real
straight, Mr. Madison.
420
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,557
I'm straight as an arrow,
and I'm not Mr. Madison.
421
00:17:56,592 --> 00:17:59,292
You're not? No.
This is Mr. Madison.
422
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,795
Oh!
423
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,415
Hello.
424
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,135
Hi.
425
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,806
My friend said you
were quite a guy.
426
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,008
And I'm cute, too.
427
00:18:14,043 --> 00:18:16,544
See, I'm not really this fat.
428
00:18:16,579 --> 00:18:17,690
Well, it doesn't really matter,
429
00:18:17,714 --> 00:18:19,442
as long as you're
not a cuckoo bird.
430
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:22,567
Oh no, no, no. I'm not a
cuckoo bird, and see... I'm thin.
431
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,984
I'm wearing a fat suit.
432
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,753
A fat suit? Yeah.
433
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,104
Wait, I'll show you.
434
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,751
I'll show you my
real... Put it back...
435
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,274
No, I can't, I gotta show it...
436
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,975
She thinks I'm fat. I'm not fat.
437
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,422
Excuse me, I've got
an unscheduled flight.
438
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,923
He's really a fat
man. No, I'm not.
439
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,547
Do you want to see
my real stomach?
440
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,081
Good-bye, weirdos!
441
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,687
Why do you always
act crazy in front of girls?
442
00:18:46,576 --> 00:18:48,175
Okay, Mr. Doyle,
you've seen him walk.
443
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,342
You've heard him talk.
444
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,078
We'll be on our way now.
445
00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:53,525
Why, you don't even have to be here
tomorrow when we shoot the commercial.
446
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:54,610
Oh, that's too bad.
447
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,900
You got the well?
448
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,702
Yeah, got it right here.
449
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:01,905
Good work, four bells.
450
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,382
That Hooper is a real weirdo.
451
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,250
He's a real weirdo?
452
00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:15,853
I'm walking around here dressed
up like Dumbo with a bow tie,
453
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:17,165
and he's a weirdo?
454
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:19,023
I've never been
so humiliated in...
455
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,625
I'll never see that girl again.
456
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,738
Take it easy, big guy.
Don't call me that anymore!
457
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,239
And what is this thing
about a commercial
458
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:25,307
that Doyle was talking about?
459
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,742
It's, nothing to
get excited about.
460
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,206
When you talk like that, I
really get excited. Now what is it?
461
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,412
Nothing, nothing. What?
462
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,147
A little 60-second
thing we're doing.
463
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,483
You wear your fat suit... No,
no, we're not... I'm not doing it!
464
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,901
$500. I don't care,
I wouldn't do it.
465
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,569
For $500? No, I
wouldn't do it for nothing!
466
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,438
All right, will you listen to me,
please? Am I a dignified man?
467
00:19:39,462 --> 00:19:40,894
What's that got to
do with anything?
468
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,025
Perhaps even bordering on
the stuffy? Way over the border.
469
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:46,751
I'm the kind of man who takes
pride in his dignity, right? So?
470
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,263
I'm groveling. Look at
me, I'm on my knees.
471
00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:49,732
Have you ever seen me
like this? Please, Oscar...
472
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,033
You're making
a fool of yourself!
473
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,868
My cousin Ben will
go to jail. I'll go to jail.
474
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,570
You'll go to jail
as an accomplice!
475
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:57,995
Think of tunneling out with Ben.
476
00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:00,230
All right, I'll do it!
477
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:01,376
What are you laughing about?
478
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,745
If you could see what I see!
479
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,329
You look like the Goodyear
Blimp with a hat on it!
480
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,611
You ready?
481
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,913
Oscar, you standing by? Yes.
482
00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:17,693
All right, now, crew,
give me your attention.
483
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,428
We're working with a
very inexperienced actor.
484
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,019
I don't know if he's got more
than one real take in him,
485
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,666
so we've got to
rehearse this on film.
486
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:26,256
Everybody, all
right... position.
487
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,859
Cue cards a little higher.
488
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,127
Roll 'em.
489
00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:37,534
Action!
490
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:42,006
Hello, I'm a
dramatization of a doctor.
491
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:45,009
I've been called to
the home of Mr. O.M.
492
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,793
of the Bronx.
493
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:52,917
A meticulously well-kept
place as you can see.
494
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:57,054
I'm here on behalf of the
Fat A Way Diet Pill Company,
495
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,856
the company that
offers relief to this man
496
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:00,991
and others like him.
497
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,368
In three months, through
the miracle of Fat A Way,
498
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:14,672
this person will become an
individual instead of a group.
499
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:19,777
I wonder, do any of you
have these problems?
500
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,372
Do you have trouble
touching your toes?
501
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:27,594
Are you unable to
raise your hands?
502
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:31,671
This could cost you
your life in a holdup.
503
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,074
Is sitting down a problem?
504
00:21:38,114 --> 00:21:40,781
Is getting up also a problem?
505
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,087
Are you embarrassed
to tap dance?
506
00:21:59,835 --> 00:22:03,203
When was the last time
you tried a cartwheel?
507
00:22:06,609 --> 00:22:11,078
If you have these
difficulties, try Fat A Way.
508
00:22:11,113 --> 00:22:13,525
Watch for Mr. O.M.,
in three months,
509
00:22:13,549 --> 00:22:16,584
when he will touch his
toes, sit, dance and cartwheel
510
00:22:16,619 --> 00:22:18,369
his way into your heart.
511
00:22:20,656 --> 00:22:22,556
And, cut!
512
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:23,790
Thank goodness that's over.
513
00:22:23,826 --> 00:22:25,503
One more time, fellas,
he blew it. What?!
514
00:22:25,527 --> 00:22:26,605
You didn't do the cartwheel.
515
00:22:26,629 --> 00:22:28,795
Felix, I'm gonna kill you!
516
00:22:28,831 --> 00:22:30,498
Take five, crew.
517
00:22:30,533 --> 00:22:33,501
Gosh, Felix,
that's a great story.
518
00:22:33,536 --> 00:22:34,947
I'm really quite touched.
519
00:22:34,971 --> 00:22:36,403
Ladies and gentlemen,
520
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:40,107
and now in the category of the
Best New Product Commercial
521
00:22:40,142 --> 00:22:41,787
of the Year, the nominees are:
522
00:22:41,811 --> 00:22:44,778
Eggmeyer's Easyflow Ketchup...
523
00:22:57,726 --> 00:23:01,161
Superstick Glue...
524
00:23:09,038 --> 00:23:12,873
and Fat A Way Diet Pills.
525
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,026
And now the winner
526
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:18,395
of the Best New Product
Commercial of the Year.
527
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:24,735
The winner is...
Fat A Way Diet Pills.
528
00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:26,915
Felix, I'm proud of
you. Better take a seat.
529
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:29,940
Accepting the award,
Mr. Lyle Hooper,
530
00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:31,575
President of Fat A Way
531
00:23:31,610 --> 00:23:32,971
and the director
of the commercial,
532
00:23:32,995 --> 00:23:35,496
Mr. Felix Unger.
533
00:23:35,531 --> 00:23:37,442
Mr. Unger, this
is yours, I believe.
534
00:23:37,466 --> 00:23:39,666
Thank you.
535
00:23:39,702 --> 00:23:42,936
We at Fat A Way feel honored.
536
00:23:42,971 --> 00:23:45,606
This is just round one
in our fight against fat.
537
00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:46,674
Thank you.
538
00:23:48,911 --> 00:23:50,377
Ditto.
539
00:23:52,915 --> 00:23:54,014
No, no ditto.
540
00:23:54,049 --> 00:23:55,049
I don't deserve this.
541
00:23:55,084 --> 00:23:56,433
I'm a fake; I'm a fraud.
542
00:23:56,469 --> 00:23:59,235
O.M. is not really a fat man.
543
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:01,683
He's got a bit of a pot,
but not 300 pounds worth.
544
00:24:01,707 --> 00:24:03,807
I-I used trickery and
guile and deception
545
00:24:03,842 --> 00:24:05,186
to get him to do
that commercial.
546
00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:06,255
It's a very good product.
547
00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:07,489
It's helped thousands of people,
548
00:24:07,513 --> 00:24:09,190
but that doesn't
justify what I did.
549
00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:12,266
I don't deserve your applause
and I-I don't deserve your Dink.
550
00:24:29,068 --> 00:24:31,202
Oscar, you came!
551
00:24:31,237 --> 00:24:32,736
I've been here all the time.
552
00:24:32,771 --> 00:24:34,238
I didn't want you to see me.
553
00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:35,772
I knew you couldn't
accept that award.
554
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:39,910
Oh, Oscar, you're
a... you're a real friend.
555
00:24:39,946 --> 00:24:41,423
I-I don't know how
you put up with me,
556
00:24:41,447 --> 00:24:42,991
all the things I
make you go through.
557
00:24:43,015 --> 00:24:44,326
Stop it, will ya? I'm so sorry.
558
00:24:44,350 --> 00:24:46,195
I promise you, I'll never
embarrass you again.
559
00:24:46,219 --> 00:24:47,246
Will you forget it?!
560
00:24:47,270 --> 00:24:50,036
All right, you're a buddy.
561
00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:51,650
Listen, one thing... What?
562
00:24:51,674 --> 00:24:53,184
Sunday is my little
boy Leonard's birthday.
563
00:24:53,208 --> 00:24:55,008
He's having some
kids over. Uh-huh.
564
00:24:55,043 --> 00:24:57,088
Would you get into the fat
suit and come to the party?
565
00:24:57,112 --> 00:24:58,290
The kids would love it!
566
00:24:58,314 --> 00:25:00,626
Really they would. Would you?
567
00:25:00,650 --> 00:25:02,983
Please. They'd get
such a laugh out of it!
40195
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