All language subtitles for The Odd Couple S05E07 The Odd Candidate

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian Download
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,587 --> 00:00:39,454 Oh, Felix, with the noise, will you? 2 00:00:39,489 --> 00:00:40,455 Oh! Whoa! 3 00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:41,990 You scared me. 4 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,909 You-You were in Chicago. 5 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,472 When-When did you come home? 6 00:00:45,496 --> 00:00:47,362 Half a minute ago. I just got in. 7 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,693 You traveled on a plane like this? 8 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:50,849 Yeah. 9 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,228 How come? Why did they let you? 10 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,530 Never mind, I don't want to know. 11 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,920 How-How was your trip? 12 00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,021 Tiring. 13 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,133 Yeah? 14 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,391 The hotel I stayed at booked two conventions... 15 00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,894 Megaphone makers and the guys who make bullhorns. 16 00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:05,263 Every night in the stairwell they had an argument. 17 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,210 Always a story when you come back from a trip. 18 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,400 Yeah, very funny. 19 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:09,446 During the day, just for laughs, 20 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:10,969 they went around paging each other. 21 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,449 I'm going to bed. Your trips are a... 22 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,172 Don't you want a bite to eat? Come on. 23 00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:15,886 As a matter of fact, I am hungry, you know that. 24 00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:18,477 I'll tell you the truth, I never can eat on a plane. 25 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:21,046 I can't use that midget silverware. 26 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,815 Oh, good. 27 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,283 A lot of action around here while you were gone. 28 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,785 You got lucky? 29 00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:29,020 Don't talk dirty. 30 00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:31,457 I mean the election. 31 00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:34,259 That playground issue is heating up. 32 00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:35,672 What playground issue? 33 00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,395 The playground issue. 34 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:41,633 The incumbent Councilman Simpson is still sponsoring that bill 35 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,680 to destroy the playgrounds and put up office buildings. 36 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,715 Oh, you made me do article on that. Mm. 37 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,284 Yeah, I called it "The Last Place to Swing." 38 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,485 I remember that. Yeah, yeah. Article? 39 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:49,775 Boy, that was a manifesto. 40 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:53,178 The public reaction to that article was so great, 41 00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:54,879 it inspired us to run a candidate 42 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,376 against Simpson this election. 43 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,799 Are you crazy? 44 00:01:57,834 --> 00:02:00,535 Simpson's run unopposed in this district for 14 years. 45 00:02:00,571 --> 00:02:03,605 I know it and this time he's going to be opposed. 46 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,989 Well, good luck. 47 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,585 What kind of an idiot agreed to run against Simpson? 48 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,453 He agreed? 49 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,819 ♪ ♪ 50 00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:24,135 ♪ ♪ 51 00:03:57,354 --> 00:03:58,753 This is it. 52 00:03:58,788 --> 00:04:00,900 Madison for Councilman headquarters. 53 00:04:01,958 --> 00:04:03,136 This is it? Yeah. 54 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,126 I've got four volunteers? 55 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,594 No. 56 00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:08,730 The old lady came in for a banana cake 57 00:04:08,765 --> 00:04:11,199 and I enlisted her. 58 00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:12,850 This is a bakery. 59 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,185 Used to be. 60 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:16,282 Used to be Kraussmeyer's Bakery. 61 00:04:16,306 --> 00:04:17,483 Have a number. 62 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,751 17. Lucky number. 63 00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:19,852 What happened to Kraussmeyer? 64 00:04:19,876 --> 00:04:21,576 Haven't you heard? No. 65 00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,495 They closed him down. Why? 66 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:26,481 Yeah. In the back room, he was running a massage parlor. 67 00:04:28,585 --> 00:04:30,185 Hi, Mr. Unger. 68 00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:31,886 Hello, Phyllis. 69 00:04:31,922 --> 00:04:33,321 Felix. Huh? 70 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,422 Who are they? 71 00:04:34,457 --> 00:04:35,467 Gypsies. 72 00:04:35,491 --> 00:04:36,591 What are they doing here? 73 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:39,344 They got here first. It's a vacant store. 74 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:40,879 I'm sharing with them. 75 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,280 I gave them a chicken. 76 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,794 See what you're getting me into and... 77 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,117 Look, Oscar. 78 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:49,554 I know it looks crazy, but this is the way you begin. 79 00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,122 And you've got the issue. 80 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:52,290 Playgrounds. 81 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,591 And what's more important, 82 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,560 you believe in it and people will believe you. 83 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,739 They will? 84 00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:58,613 Of course they will. Trust me. 85 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,111 You see, what I'm afraid of is... 86 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,545 I don't know how to campaign 87 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,864 and I'm liable to make a fool out of myself, see? 88 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:08,155 You're talking to Douglas Dignity. 89 00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:10,904 Would I let you do anything wild? 90 00:05:10,928 --> 00:05:13,494 You'll talk to people from your heart. 91 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,629 You'll shake their hands. 92 00:05:14,664 --> 00:05:15,741 That's all. That's all? 93 00:05:15,765 --> 00:05:16,731 That's all. 94 00:05:16,766 --> 00:05:18,244 Okay, I'll give it a try. 95 00:05:18,268 --> 00:05:19,367 All right. Great. 96 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:20,847 We have to be at the Bronx Zoo in 30 minutes. 97 00:05:20,871 --> 00:05:21,981 Why? 98 00:05:22,005 --> 00:05:23,805 I want a picture of you sitting on a giraffe. 99 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:27,441 "Madison Rides High." 100 00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:29,321 What happened to Douglas Dignity? 101 00:05:29,345 --> 00:05:30,823 Mr. Madison? Yeah. 102 00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:32,125 I can't afford a contribution, 103 00:05:32,149 --> 00:05:34,709 but I could pierce your ears. 104 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,903 Thanks, but... I use clip-ons. 105 00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:55,887 ♪ ♪ 106 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,225 ♪ ♪ 107 00:06:15,926 --> 00:06:19,761 ♪ ♪ 108 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,572 ♪ ♪ 109 00:06:35,445 --> 00:06:36,410 Hiya, Murray. 110 00:06:36,446 --> 00:06:37,590 Oh, am I exhausted. 111 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,725 I've been all over town. 112 00:06:38,749 --> 00:06:40,827 I hung up more posters than the FBI. 113 00:06:40,851 --> 00:06:42,662 I'm tired of looking at my face! 114 00:06:42,686 --> 00:06:44,130 Go take a nap. You can't. 115 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,197 Why not? Felix called. 116 00:06:45,221 --> 00:06:46,933 He wants you to meet him at this restaurant. 117 00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:48,067 Yeah, is it in a hotel? 118 00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:49,235 I'm tired, I'm not hungry. 119 00:06:49,259 --> 00:06:50,659 He said it's a big breakthrough 120 00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:51,660 for your campaign, Oscar. 121 00:06:51,695 --> 00:06:52,672 You got to go. 122 00:06:52,696 --> 00:06:53,873 Yeah? Oh, come on. 123 00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:55,475 I don't have a chance in this campaign. 124 00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:56,464 Sure you do. 125 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,199 Felix said you got the Gypsy vote. 126 00:06:58,234 --> 00:07:00,502 Now he's working on a different group of people... 127 00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:02,203 Folks who own their furniture. 128 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,166 I don't even have change for the subway. 129 00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:06,658 Here's some change. 130 00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,593 Consider it a campaign contribution. 131 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,240 Hey, no special favors, Murray. 132 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:11,963 I'm a policeman. 133 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:12,998 Of course not. 134 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:22,290 We didn't come here to eat. 135 00:07:22,326 --> 00:07:24,370 Well, what did we come here for, the busboys' vote? 136 00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:25,593 Do you know Howard K. Smith? 137 00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:26,973 Yeah, I've seen him do the news on TV. 138 00:07:26,997 --> 00:07:28,063 Yeah, he eats here. 139 00:07:28,098 --> 00:07:29,564 There, you see him, you see him? 140 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,761 I'm going to get him to mention you on his TV show. 141 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,751 Do you know him? 142 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,051 He lives right next door to us. 143 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,131 Do you know him? 144 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,766 Well, I pass him on the street all the time. 145 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,172 I nod, I say hello. 146 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,808 Mr. Smith? 147 00:07:39,843 --> 00:07:41,342 Hi, Felix Unger. 148 00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,389 I want you to meet the next city councilman 149 00:07:43,413 --> 00:07:45,658 from your district, Oscar Madison. 150 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,293 How do you do, sir? Hi, sit down. 151 00:07:47,317 --> 00:07:49,250 We can only stay a moment. 152 00:07:49,285 --> 00:07:50,384 I'm, uh, having lunch. 153 00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:51,385 Oh, we already ate. 154 00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:52,386 I'll get right to the point. 155 00:07:52,422 --> 00:07:53,622 Do you mind if I have my food? 156 00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:55,023 Oh, sure, surely. 157 00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,257 Two starches, huh? 158 00:07:56,292 --> 00:07:57,837 Why don't we let the gentleman have his lunch? 159 00:07:57,861 --> 00:07:59,927 You see? You see the kind of man he is? 160 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,682 Full of concern for his fellow citizen. 161 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:06,485 Mr. Smith, are you aware of the issue 162 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,303 in the Madison versus Simpson campaign? 163 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,638 No, what is that? 164 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,822 Good versus evil. 165 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,390 Strong issue. 166 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,721 Where do you stand on it? 167 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:15,788 You looking for something? 168 00:08:15,812 --> 00:08:17,345 My coleslaw. Ah. 169 00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:18,412 Waiter! 170 00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:20,014 Mr. Smith's coleslaw. 171 00:08:20,050 --> 00:08:21,750 I'll have an iced tea. 172 00:08:21,785 --> 00:08:22,751 You want something? 173 00:08:22,786 --> 00:08:24,119 Hemlock. 174 00:08:24,154 --> 00:08:25,253 Separate checks. 175 00:08:25,288 --> 00:08:26,520 Excuse me, um, 176 00:08:26,556 --> 00:08:28,689 I don't like to talk politics while I'm eating. 177 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:29,736 You're right. May I eat? 178 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,794 Surely. 179 00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:35,396 We'll wait. 180 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,365 Clean your plate. 181 00:08:44,374 --> 00:08:47,658 Oscar, hurry, you're going to miss the commentary. 182 00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,662 Tonight's commentary concerns 183 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,032 a local election here in Manhattan. 184 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,367 A sportswriter named Oscar Madison 185 00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:59,670 is waging an underdog campaign for the city council. 186 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,406 I met Mr. Madison and his campaign manager 187 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,008 over lunch today. 188 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,211 After they made sure I ate it all 189 00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,147 and trimmed the fat and chewed it thoroughly, 190 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,782 they told me the issue. 191 00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:14,452 Mr. Madison is trying to save our neighborhood's playgrounds. 192 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:17,421 He is trying to spread his word without much money. 193 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:20,357 In fact, they stuck me for the price of the iced tea. 194 00:09:22,012 --> 00:09:24,679 But it's a word that should be heard. 195 00:09:24,714 --> 00:09:27,748 They're making up in drive and in enthusiasm 196 00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:31,386 for what they lack in resources and in manners. 197 00:09:31,421 --> 00:09:34,622 There's a place for these two men in politics, 198 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,524 but not at my table. 199 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,159 Good night, Harry. 200 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,625 Am I a campaign manager? 201 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:43,681 Boy, that's terrific. 202 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,761 It went coast-to-coast, right? Yeah. 203 00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:48,119 Now everybody in the country knows you're a pest. 204 00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,331 Let 'em. 205 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,935 ♪ ♪ 206 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,189 ♪ ♪ 207 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,947 All right, everybody. 208 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,048 Volunteers. 209 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,995 Everybody, give me your attention. 210 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:57,221 Now, Oscar Madison has been out on the streets of this city 211 00:10:57,256 --> 00:11:00,241 since early morning, working his heart out 212 00:11:00,277 --> 00:11:04,212 for you and you and you and me. 213 00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,614 I think that when he comes back, 214 00:11:06,649 --> 00:11:09,117 we should greet him with a rousing welcome. 215 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:10,118 What do you say? 216 00:11:10,153 --> 00:11:12,487 Good, okay. 217 00:11:12,522 --> 00:11:13,922 Back to the barricades. 218 00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:16,135 Oh, boy, there's really a great feeling in this room, 219 00:11:16,159 --> 00:11:17,736 isn't there? Yeah, where is Oscar anyway? 220 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,272 He's out making contact with another group, 221 00:11:19,296 --> 00:11:20,339 another ethnic group. 222 00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:21,762 I thought he'd hit 'em all by now. 223 00:11:21,798 --> 00:11:23,526 We leave no stone unturned. 224 00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,752 There he is. 225 00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:30,232 Hey, you look sensational. 226 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,450 Did we get the Indian vote? 227 00:11:31,474 --> 00:11:32,506 All three of 'em. 228 00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:33,908 Yeah. 229 00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,371 Did you hear the great news? What? 230 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,639 Miriam took another poll. 231 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:37,990 You're up to 17%. 232 00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:38,980 Hey, that's pretty good, isn't it? 233 00:11:39,015 --> 00:11:40,660 Hey, did you see the afternoon paper? 234 00:11:40,684 --> 00:11:41,828 No. I did. 235 00:11:43,419 --> 00:11:44,964 Murray. What happened? 236 00:11:44,988 --> 00:11:46,220 Oscar. What? 237 00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:48,873 Simpson concedes on the playground issue. 238 00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,052 You're kidding. Everybody, 239 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,041 give me your attention. 240 00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:52,042 Great news. 241 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,511 Gypsies, everybody. 242 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,381 Simpson has conceded on the issue of the playgrounds. 243 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,593 We keep our playgrounds. 244 00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,884 Yeah! 245 00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,152 Oh, boy, oh, boy. 246 00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:03,588 Oh, do you know what this means? 247 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,133 Yeah, it means we get to go home. 248 00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:06,123 What are you talking about? 249 00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,392 No, she's right. 250 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,104 We got into this campaign to settle the playground issue. 251 00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,094 We did it. 252 00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:12,329 Hey, you all did some terrific job. 253 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,976 Thank you all. I'm going to the racetrack. 254 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,160 No, Oscar. 255 00:12:15,185 --> 00:12:16,996 Oscar, Oscar, come back. 256 00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:20,054 Oscar. 257 00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:21,456 You can't quit now. 258 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,424 I won't let you. 259 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:39,807 Oscar. 260 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:42,377 Breakfast. 261 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,857 I do not choose to run. 262 00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:04,215 Aw, come on. 263 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,950 Wh-Where's your patriotism? 264 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,262 What do you want me to be, 265 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,264 the father of Lexington Avenue? 266 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,634 I won the campaign that I wanted to win, 267 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,469 and that's all there is to it. 268 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,795 Mm. But if you were councilman, you could do so much more. 269 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,864 You could put great, big, handsome trash baskets 270 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,332 on every corner. 271 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,668 You could wash the Statue of Liberty. 272 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:26,037 You could put those ugly fire hydrants underground 273 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,900 so the dogs wouldn't have a tendency. 274 00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:30,758 Look, it's a... it's ridiculous to think that I could win. 275 00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:31,926 Why?! Why? 276 00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:33,511 One reason... we have no money. 277 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,774 That's why. Did Washington have money? 278 00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:37,610 Somebody bought those cute wigs for him. 279 00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:39,333 He had spirit. 280 00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:40,679 That's what he had! Yeah. 281 00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:43,571 He believed in what he was doing, and he had spirit. 282 00:13:58,854 --> 00:13:59,987 Hello. 283 00:14:00,022 --> 00:14:02,423 Yes, Mr. Bryant. Yes. 284 00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:04,558 Will stop it already with the drums?! 285 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,226 It's my publisher. 286 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,545 Yes, Mr. Bryant. 287 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,314 Well... Well, to be honest, 288 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,383 I-I was thinking of withdrawing, sir. 289 00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,086 I agree with you. 290 00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:16,855 That would be a stupid idea. 291 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,756 Well, it was just a fleeting thought. 292 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,359 I mean, I... I certainly would. 293 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:22,660 Yes, sir. 294 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,279 Okay. Thank you. 295 00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:25,480 Bye-bye. 296 00:14:25,515 --> 00:14:26,714 What? What? 297 00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,460 You're not gonna believe this. What? What? 298 00:14:28,484 --> 00:14:30,762 The publisher... he wants me to continue with my campaign. 299 00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:31,964 Hmm? 300 00:14:31,988 --> 00:14:33,654 He said that spot with Howard K. Smith, 301 00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:35,534 it gave the paper a lot of publicity. Yeah? 302 00:14:35,558 --> 00:14:36,868 He doesn't like Simpson... But listen to this... 303 00:14:36,892 --> 00:14:38,409 He's gonna finance our campaign! 304 00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:39,554 Oh, my goodness! 305 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:40,639 Oh! 306 00:14:40,663 --> 00:14:41,840 Congratulations...! 307 00:14:41,864 --> 00:14:43,897 All right, all right, all right, all right now! 308 00:14:43,933 --> 00:14:45,311 Everybody got what they want. Please. 309 00:14:45,335 --> 00:14:47,135 Now, come on. It's early in the morning. 310 00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:48,847 Let me have my breakfast, okay? 311 00:14:48,871 --> 00:14:51,991 I mean, it's so early. My... 312 00:15:04,754 --> 00:15:06,687 Give me the sticks! 313 00:15:10,693 --> 00:15:12,543 Oh! 314 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,792 ♪ ♪ 315 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,926 What is this? 316 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,762 I thought we were going on television. 317 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,018 This is television. 318 00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,520 This is The Igor Show. 319 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,717 Igor is a big star, buddy. 320 00:15:57,741 --> 00:16:00,052 We're gonna talk in front of horror film fans? 321 00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:01,209 They vote. 322 00:16:01,244 --> 00:16:02,284 Horror shows are big. 323 00:16:02,311 --> 00:16:03,455 Five seconds, Igor. Let's go. 324 00:16:03,479 --> 00:16:05,224 You guys get off the set. Sorry, Sorry. 325 00:16:05,248 --> 00:16:06,380 Three seconds, Igor. 326 00:16:06,416 --> 00:16:08,348 Where's Igor? 327 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,134 I don't know. 328 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,199 We shall return 329 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,956 to tonight's horror movie, 330 00:16:15,991 --> 00:16:18,659 The Mysterious Planet Debbie, 331 00:16:18,695 --> 00:16:22,196 right after this word from Councilman Simpson, 332 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:26,245 who is running for reelection in the 34th Council District. 333 00:16:26,269 --> 00:16:28,236 Mr. Simpson! 334 00:16:28,271 --> 00:16:31,639 Ah! 335 00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:38,445 Thank you, Igor. 336 00:16:38,481 --> 00:16:40,414 You're welcome. 337 00:16:41,651 --> 00:16:43,429 Good evening, friends. 338 00:16:43,453 --> 00:16:46,766 On behalf of my lovely wife, Edith, 339 00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:49,657 and my little girl, Irene, and my son, James, 340 00:16:49,692 --> 00:16:52,093 I would like to thank you for the privilege 341 00:16:52,128 --> 00:16:54,573 of having served you for the last 14 years. 342 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,264 During this campaign, 343 00:16:57,300 --> 00:17:00,150 I have been opposed by Mr. Oscar Madison, 344 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,153 a public spirited citizen 345 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,988 who has brought to my attention 346 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,891 several pressing community problems. 347 00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,811 And, uh, for this, I would like to thank him sincerely. 348 00:17:09,846 --> 00:17:11,312 Mr. Madison. 349 00:17:11,347 --> 00:17:12,613 However, 350 00:17:12,648 --> 00:17:15,483 when you go to the polls tomorrow to cast your vote, 351 00:17:15,518 --> 00:17:17,518 I urge you to place your confidence 352 00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:19,737 in a man with experience. 353 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,972 I would like to remind you 354 00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:25,493 that it was I who got the additional police protection 355 00:17:25,528 --> 00:17:27,378 for our neighborhoods. 356 00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,213 And I would like you to remember 357 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,815 that it was I that engineered the federal funds 358 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,618 with which we improved our schools. 359 00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:36,687 Lastly, I would like to remind you 360 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:40,558 that a vote for Simpson is a vote for progress. 361 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,527 Thank you very much. 362 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:47,514 We're going home now to pop some corn. 363 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:53,637 Thank you, Councilman. 364 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,706 Now boys and ghouls, 365 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,575 back to The Mysterious Planet Debbie. 366 00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:01,545 As you recall, our hero, Dr. Rontor, 367 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,081 was struggling with the awful curse 368 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,649 of the Casaba people. 369 00:18:09,906 --> 00:18:11,339 Seems like a nice guy. 370 00:18:11,374 --> 00:18:12,840 Igor? He's a pussycat. 371 00:18:12,876 --> 00:18:14,408 Not Igor. Simpson! 372 00:18:14,443 --> 00:18:17,144 Did you fall for all that malarkey? 373 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,991 Listen, you're the man of the people. 374 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,292 You're gonna wipe him out. 375 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,116 I don't know. He looked pretty appealing. 376 00:18:22,151 --> 00:18:23,417 His kids were so cute, 377 00:18:23,452 --> 00:18:25,519 I wanted to go and hug 'em myself. 378 00:18:25,554 --> 00:18:26,832 You're on in ten minutes. 379 00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,222 Where you going? 380 00:18:28,258 --> 00:18:30,035 I'll be right back. I'll be back. Where? Where? 381 00:18:30,059 --> 00:18:31,692 Look, you watch the film on the monitor. 382 00:18:31,727 --> 00:18:33,172 It's a real goodie. I've seen it seven times. 383 00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,461 Here comes the part 384 00:18:34,497 --> 00:18:37,682 where the giant cockroach swallowed Rhode Island. 385 00:18:40,102 --> 00:18:41,669 Rhode Island? 386 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,503 Big Deal. Three bites. 387 00:18:45,641 --> 00:18:46,824 Igor? 388 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:50,628 Next week, the bagpipe and the octopus engage. 389 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,007 No, no, no... Oh... 390 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,409 The cockroaches are still eating Rhode Island. 391 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,993 That's all right. Go back. I'm sorry. 392 00:19:08,631 --> 00:19:12,567 Aw, don't cry, folks. 393 00:19:12,602 --> 00:19:15,853 It was only Rhode Island. 394 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,823 Didn't you just love the part 395 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,225 where he spit out Providence? 396 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,866 Now, right after this commercial, 397 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,868 we'll be hearing 398 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,870 from Councilman Simpson's opponent, 399 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,072 Oscar Madison. 400 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,640 Commercial rolling! 401 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,009 Oscar? 402 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,127 Please. 403 00:19:40,162 --> 00:19:42,096 Thank you, Igor. 404 00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:45,477 Come on. 405 00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:46,767 Where have you been? 406 00:19:46,802 --> 00:19:48,714 I'll be on the air in ten, 15 seconds. 407 00:19:48,738 --> 00:19:50,448 Come on. What are you...? Come on. 408 00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:51,605 Who are these people? 409 00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:53,952 All right, just... Campaign... Scoot a bit. 410 00:19:53,976 --> 00:19:55,142 Felix, what are you doing? 411 00:19:55,177 --> 00:19:57,122 Who are they? Put your arms around them. 412 00:19:57,146 --> 00:19:58,411 Why? I don't even know them. 413 00:19:58,447 --> 00:19:59,908 What are you doing? Put your arms... 414 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,482 Who are they? 415 00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:02,628 Those are your loved ones. 416 00:20:02,652 --> 00:20:04,063 My loved ones? Oh, no, no, no. Yes, yes. 417 00:20:04,087 --> 00:20:05,464 I know what you're doing. They're not my loved ones. 418 00:20:05,488 --> 00:20:06,699 No, get... No, no, I'm not gonna do it. 419 00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:07,888 I'm not gonna do it! 420 00:20:07,924 --> 00:20:09,073 Three, two. Please! 421 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,307 One! Go! 422 00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:12,543 Good evening, everyone. 423 00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,245 My name is Felix Unger, 424 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,680 and I have the great good fortune and honor 425 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,316 to be the campaign manager for Oscar Madison, 426 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,795 who was unfortunately called away 427 00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:22,653 to help a needy person. 428 00:20:24,674 --> 00:20:28,776 I am surrounded by Mr. Madison's loved ones. 429 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:32,480 But who wouldn't love the brave hero of Anzio, 430 00:20:32,515 --> 00:20:35,766 who single-handedly saved an entire platoon... 431 00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:39,035 The famous 143rd Melting Pot Platoon? 432 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,037 Italians, Jews, Puerto Ricans... 433 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,407 You name 'em, he saved 'em. 434 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:45,726 Felix? 435 00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:47,306 Felix? And here is Oscar Madison. 436 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,696 How are the needy people? 437 00:20:48,731 --> 00:20:50,409 They're fine, Felix, they're fine. 438 00:20:50,433 --> 00:20:53,367 My campaign manager, Felix Unger, gets carried away 439 00:20:53,402 --> 00:20:55,246 and has a great sense of humor. 440 00:20:55,270 --> 00:20:57,081 Now, these are not my loved ones. 441 00:20:57,105 --> 00:20:58,650 They're very nice people, I'm sure, 442 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,218 but they're not my loved ones, 443 00:21:00,242 --> 00:21:02,321 and I was not a hero at Anzio. 444 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,155 I would like to be your councilman. 445 00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:06,658 I think I did a good job on the playground issue, 446 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,615 and if you do elect me, 447 00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:10,995 I'll try harder to do even more for you. 448 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:12,919 Thank you very much. 449 00:21:12,955 --> 00:21:14,321 We're into commercial. 450 00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:15,556 Thank you. Thank you. 451 00:21:15,591 --> 00:21:16,824 Here's your dollar. 452 00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,225 Here's your dollar. Thank you... 453 00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:19,460 Here's your dollar. 454 00:21:22,097 --> 00:21:24,443 I don't know why you're so mad at me. 455 00:21:24,467 --> 00:21:26,233 If I made a mistake, 456 00:21:26,268 --> 00:21:28,213 it's only because of overzealousness. 457 00:21:28,237 --> 00:21:30,049 Yeah. I went too far, all right. 458 00:21:30,073 --> 00:21:32,151 Try to get me votes from, who, ghouls in Transylvania? 459 00:21:32,175 --> 00:21:33,618 I admit that ethnically, it wasn't probable, 460 00:21:33,642 --> 00:21:34,886 but she's gonna vote for you. 461 00:21:34,910 --> 00:21:36,221 She's gonna vote for you. Felix... 462 00:21:36,245 --> 00:21:38,090 What are you gonna do, fire me as your campaign manager? 463 00:21:38,114 --> 00:21:39,513 No, I don't want to fire you. 464 00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:41,126 I just don't want to go through that craziness. 465 00:21:41,150 --> 00:21:43,217 "These are your loved ones." How do I handle that? 466 00:21:43,252 --> 00:21:44,796 All right, no more craziness. No more craziness. 467 00:21:44,820 --> 00:21:47,533 We got one more day, and, baby, we're gonna go. 468 00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:48,756 Where? 469 00:21:48,791 --> 00:21:50,607 To the top! 470 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,396 ♪ ♪ 471 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,561 ♪ ♪ 472 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:25,726 FELIX: ♪ Oscar Madison for council ♪ 473 00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:28,996 ♪ He is A-OK ♪ 474 00:22:29,031 --> 00:22:34,802 ♪ His enthusiasm mounts till the election day ♪ 475 00:22:34,837 --> 00:22:37,872 ♪ Never frowning, always smiling ♪ 476 00:22:37,907 --> 00:22:40,908 ♪ Oscar cannot miss ♪ 477 00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:43,911 ♪ Cute and sweet and so beguiling ♪ 478 00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:47,013 ♪ A face you love to kiss! ♪ 479 00:22:49,718 --> 00:22:53,019 And so, election night draws to a close over New York, 480 00:22:53,055 --> 00:22:54,833 ending one of the most harrowing campaigns 481 00:22:54,857 --> 00:22:56,090 in local history. 482 00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:58,892 The 34th District had the largest voter turnout, 483 00:22:58,928 --> 00:23:01,161 and the final count is now in. 484 00:23:01,196 --> 00:23:04,331 It's Simpson with 5,413 votes, 485 00:23:04,366 --> 00:23:07,935 and Madison, 5,280 votes. 486 00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,237 Simpson retains his council seat. 487 00:23:10,272 --> 00:23:12,017 Now back to our regular programming. 488 00:23:14,243 --> 00:23:16,209 Simpson is the winner. 489 00:23:19,682 --> 00:23:22,415 Hey, come on here. 490 00:23:22,451 --> 00:23:24,852 What's the matter with you people? 491 00:23:24,887 --> 00:23:26,854 We got 48% of the vote. 492 00:23:26,889 --> 00:23:28,204 What are you depressed about? 493 00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:30,741 Do you realize we almost took an election away 494 00:23:30,776 --> 00:23:32,843 from a man who's been around 14 years? 495 00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:36,880 I guarantee you, Simpson'll be on his toes from now on in. 496 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,949 You know who's responsible for this mostly? 497 00:23:38,984 --> 00:23:40,418 My best friend 498 00:23:40,453 --> 00:23:42,019 and my campaign manager, Felix Unger, 499 00:23:42,054 --> 00:23:43,987 and he'll explain it better than I will. 500 00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:45,305 Go ahead. 501 00:23:52,414 --> 00:23:54,693 I wanted to win! 502 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:58,852 It's all right, buddy. 503 00:23:58,887 --> 00:24:01,788 It's all right... 504 00:24:10,833 --> 00:24:12,967 Hershel, the chicken's ready! 505 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,923 Felix, it's an hour and a half already. 506 00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:23,193 You're not listening to me. 507 00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:26,564 Now, hear this. 508 00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:29,467 Now hear this. You did very, very well. 509 00:24:29,502 --> 00:24:32,703 Your problem was that you had dreams of grandeur. 510 00:24:32,738 --> 00:24:35,038 You even pictured me as the president, didn't you? 511 00:24:37,844 --> 00:24:40,311 Come on, buddy! 512 00:24:40,346 --> 00:24:42,579 Let's go out of here proud. 513 00:24:42,614 --> 00:24:43,881 I can't tell you... 514 00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:46,917 You did a great job, and I'm so proud of you, 515 00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:49,519 and I want to thank you for everything you did. 516 00:24:49,555 --> 00:24:51,288 Come on, buddy, let's go home. 517 00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,990 You were terrific. 518 00:24:58,964 --> 00:25:01,131 Thank you, Oscar. 519 00:25:06,772 --> 00:25:09,773 Come on, let's go. 520 00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:12,142 Ah, this is all over. 521 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,319 Now, hear this, World, 522 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:25,622 you won't have Oscar Madison to kick around anymore. 35878

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.