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1
00:00:37,587 --> 00:00:39,454
Oh, Felix, with
the noise, will you?
2
00:00:39,489 --> 00:00:40,455
Oh! Whoa!
3
00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:41,990
You scared me.
4
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,909
You-You were in Chicago.
5
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,472
When-When did you come home?
6
00:00:45,496 --> 00:00:47,362
Half a minute
ago. I just got in.
7
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,693
You traveled on
a plane like this?
8
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:50,849
Yeah.
9
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,228
How come? Why did they let you?
10
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,530
Never mind, I
don't want to know.
11
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,920
How-How was your trip?
12
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,021
Tiring.
13
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,133
Yeah?
14
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,391
The hotel I stayed at
booked two conventions...
15
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,894
Megaphone makers and
the guys who make bullhorns.
16
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:05,263
Every night in the stairwell
they had an argument.
17
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,210
Always a story when
you come back from a trip.
18
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,400
Yeah, very funny.
19
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:09,446
During the day, just for laughs,
20
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:10,969
they went around
paging each other.
21
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,449
I'm going to bed.
Your trips are a...
22
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,172
Don't you want a
bite to eat? Come on.
23
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:15,886
As a matter of fact, I am
hungry, you know that.
24
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:18,477
I'll tell you the truth, I
never can eat on a plane.
25
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:21,046
I can't use that
midget silverware.
26
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,815
Oh, good.
27
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,283
A lot of action around
here while you were gone.
28
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,785
You got lucky?
29
00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:29,020
Don't talk dirty.
30
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:31,457
I mean the election.
31
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:34,259
That playground
issue is heating up.
32
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:35,672
What playground issue?
33
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,395
The playground issue.
34
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:41,633
The incumbent Councilman
Simpson is still sponsoring that bill
35
00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,680
to destroy the playgrounds
and put up office buildings.
36
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,715
Oh, you made me
do article on that. Mm.
37
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,284
Yeah, I called it "The
Last Place to Swing."
38
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,485
I remember that.
Yeah, yeah. Article?
39
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:49,775
Boy, that was a manifesto.
40
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:53,178
The public reaction to
that article was so great,
41
00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:54,879
it inspired us to
run a candidate
42
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,376
against Simpson this election.
43
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,799
Are you crazy?
44
00:01:57,834 --> 00:02:00,535
Simpson's run unopposed
in this district for 14 years.
45
00:02:00,571 --> 00:02:03,605
I know it and this time
he's going to be opposed.
46
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,989
Well, good luck.
47
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,585
What kind of an idiot agreed
to run against Simpson?
48
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,453
He agreed?
49
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,819
♪ ♪
50
00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:24,135
♪ ♪
51
00:03:57,354 --> 00:03:58,753
This is it.
52
00:03:58,788 --> 00:04:00,900
Madison for Councilman
headquarters.
53
00:04:01,958 --> 00:04:03,136
This is it? Yeah.
54
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,126
I've got four volunteers?
55
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,594
No.
56
00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:08,730
The old lady came
in for a banana cake
57
00:04:08,765 --> 00:04:11,199
and I enlisted her.
58
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:12,850
This is a bakery.
59
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,185
Used to be.
60
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:16,282
Used to be Kraussmeyer's Bakery.
61
00:04:16,306 --> 00:04:17,483
Have a number.
62
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,751
17. Lucky number.
63
00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:19,852
What happened to Kraussmeyer?
64
00:04:19,876 --> 00:04:21,576
Haven't you heard? No.
65
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,495
They closed him down. Why?
66
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:26,481
Yeah. In the back room, he
was running a massage parlor.
67
00:04:28,585 --> 00:04:30,185
Hi, Mr. Unger.
68
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:31,886
Hello, Phyllis.
69
00:04:31,922 --> 00:04:33,321
Felix. Huh?
70
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,422
Who are they?
71
00:04:34,457 --> 00:04:35,467
Gypsies.
72
00:04:35,491 --> 00:04:36,591
What are they doing here?
73
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:39,344
They got here first.
It's a vacant store.
74
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:40,879
I'm sharing with them.
75
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,280
I gave them a chicken.
76
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,794
See what you're
getting me into and...
77
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,117
Look, Oscar.
78
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:49,554
I know it looks crazy, but
this is the way you begin.
79
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,122
And you've got the issue.
80
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:52,290
Playgrounds.
81
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,591
And what's more important,
82
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,560
you believe in it and
people will believe you.
83
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,739
They will?
84
00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:58,613
Of course they will. Trust me.
85
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,111
You see, what
I'm afraid of is...
86
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,545
I don't know how to campaign
87
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,864
and I'm liable to make
a fool out of myself, see?
88
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:08,155
You're talking to
Douglas Dignity.
89
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:10,904
Would I let you
do anything wild?
90
00:05:10,928 --> 00:05:13,494
You'll talk to people
from your heart.
91
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,629
You'll shake their hands.
92
00:05:14,664 --> 00:05:15,741
That's all. That's all?
93
00:05:15,765 --> 00:05:16,731
That's all.
94
00:05:16,766 --> 00:05:18,244
Okay, I'll give it a try.
95
00:05:18,268 --> 00:05:19,367
All right. Great.
96
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:20,847
We have to be at the
Bronx Zoo in 30 minutes.
97
00:05:20,871 --> 00:05:21,981
Why?
98
00:05:22,005 --> 00:05:23,805
I want a picture of
you sitting on a giraffe.
99
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:27,441
"Madison Rides High."
100
00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:29,321
What happened
to Douglas Dignity?
101
00:05:29,345 --> 00:05:30,823
Mr. Madison? Yeah.
102
00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:32,125
I can't afford a contribution,
103
00:05:32,149 --> 00:05:34,709
but I could pierce your ears.
104
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,903
Thanks, but... I use clip-ons.
105
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:55,887
♪ ♪
106
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,225
♪ ♪
107
00:06:15,926 --> 00:06:19,761
♪ ♪
108
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,572
♪ ♪
109
00:06:35,445 --> 00:06:36,410
Hiya, Murray.
110
00:06:36,446 --> 00:06:37,590
Oh, am I exhausted.
111
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,725
I've been all over town.
112
00:06:38,749 --> 00:06:40,827
I hung up more
posters than the FBI.
113
00:06:40,851 --> 00:06:42,662
I'm tired of looking at my face!
114
00:06:42,686 --> 00:06:44,130
Go take a nap. You can't.
115
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,197
Why not? Felix called.
116
00:06:45,221 --> 00:06:46,933
He wants you to meet
him at this restaurant.
117
00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:48,067
Yeah, is it in a hotel?
118
00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:49,235
I'm tired, I'm not hungry.
119
00:06:49,259 --> 00:06:50,659
He said it's a big breakthrough
120
00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:51,660
for your campaign, Oscar.
121
00:06:51,695 --> 00:06:52,672
You got to go.
122
00:06:52,696 --> 00:06:53,873
Yeah? Oh, come on.
123
00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:55,475
I don't have a chance
in this campaign.
124
00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:56,464
Sure you do.
125
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,199
Felix said you got
the Gypsy vote.
126
00:06:58,234 --> 00:07:00,502
Now he's working on a
different group of people...
127
00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:02,203
Folks who own their furniture.
128
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,166
I don't even have
change for the subway.
129
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:06,658
Here's some change.
130
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,593
Consider it a
campaign contribution.
131
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,240
Hey, no special favors, Murray.
132
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:11,963
I'm a policeman.
133
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:12,998
Of course not.
134
00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:22,290
We didn't come here to eat.
135
00:07:22,326 --> 00:07:24,370
Well, what did we come
here for, the busboys' vote?
136
00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:25,593
Do you know Howard K. Smith?
137
00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:26,973
Yeah, I've seen him
do the news on TV.
138
00:07:26,997 --> 00:07:28,063
Yeah, he eats here.
139
00:07:28,098 --> 00:07:29,564
There, you see him, you see him?
140
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,761
I'm going to get him to
mention you on his TV show.
141
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,751
Do you know him?
142
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,051
He lives right next door to us.
143
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,131
Do you know him?
144
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,766
Well, I pass him on
the street all the time.
145
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,172
I nod, I say hello.
146
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,808
Mr. Smith?
147
00:07:39,843 --> 00:07:41,342
Hi, Felix Unger.
148
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,389
I want you to meet
the next city councilman
149
00:07:43,413 --> 00:07:45,658
from your district,
Oscar Madison.
150
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,293
How do you do,
sir? Hi, sit down.
151
00:07:47,317 --> 00:07:49,250
We can only stay a moment.
152
00:07:49,285 --> 00:07:50,384
I'm, uh, having lunch.
153
00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:51,385
Oh, we already ate.
154
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:52,386
I'll get right to the point.
155
00:07:52,422 --> 00:07:53,622
Do you mind if I have my food?
156
00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:55,023
Oh, sure, surely.
157
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,257
Two starches, huh?
158
00:07:56,292 --> 00:07:57,837
Why don't we let the
gentleman have his lunch?
159
00:07:57,861 --> 00:07:59,927
You see? You see
the kind of man he is?
160
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,682
Full of concern for
his fellow citizen.
161
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:06,485
Mr. Smith, are you
aware of the issue
162
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,303
in the Madison versus
Simpson campaign?
163
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,638
No, what is that?
164
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,822
Good versus evil.
165
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,390
Strong issue.
166
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,721
Where do you stand on it?
167
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:15,788
You looking for something?
168
00:08:15,812 --> 00:08:17,345
My coleslaw. Ah.
169
00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:18,412
Waiter!
170
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:20,014
Mr. Smith's coleslaw.
171
00:08:20,050 --> 00:08:21,750
I'll have an iced tea.
172
00:08:21,785 --> 00:08:22,751
You want something?
173
00:08:22,786 --> 00:08:24,119
Hemlock.
174
00:08:24,154 --> 00:08:25,253
Separate checks.
175
00:08:25,288 --> 00:08:26,520
Excuse me, um,
176
00:08:26,556 --> 00:08:28,689
I don't like to talk
politics while I'm eating.
177
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:29,736
You're right. May I eat?
178
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,794
Surely.
179
00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:35,396
We'll wait.
180
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,365
Clean your plate.
181
00:08:44,374 --> 00:08:47,658
Oscar, hurry, you're going
to miss the commentary.
182
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,662
Tonight's commentary concerns
183
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,032
a local election
here in Manhattan.
184
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,367
A sportswriter
named Oscar Madison
185
00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:59,670
is waging an underdog
campaign for the city council.
186
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,406
I met Mr. Madison and
his campaign manager
187
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,008
over lunch today.
188
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,211
After they made
sure I ate it all
189
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,147
and trimmed the fat
and chewed it thoroughly,
190
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,782
they told me the issue.
191
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:14,452
Mr. Madison is trying to save
our neighborhood's playgrounds.
192
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:17,421
He is trying to spread his
word without much money.
193
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:20,357
In fact, they stuck me for
the price of the iced tea.
194
00:09:22,012 --> 00:09:24,679
But it's a word that
should be heard.
195
00:09:24,714 --> 00:09:27,748
They're making up in
drive and in enthusiasm
196
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:31,386
for what they lack in
resources and in manners.
197
00:09:31,421 --> 00:09:34,622
There's a place for
these two men in politics,
198
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,524
but not at my table.
199
00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,159
Good night, Harry.
200
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,625
Am I a campaign manager?
201
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:43,681
Boy, that's terrific.
202
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,761
It went coast-to-coast,
right? Yeah.
203
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:48,119
Now everybody in the
country knows you're a pest.
204
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,331
Let 'em.
205
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,935
♪ ♪
206
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,189
♪ ♪
207
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,947
All right, everybody.
208
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,048
Volunteers.
209
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,995
Everybody, give
me your attention.
210
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:57,221
Now, Oscar Madison has
been out on the streets of this city
211
00:10:57,256 --> 00:11:00,241
since early morning,
working his heart out
212
00:11:00,277 --> 00:11:04,212
for you and you and you and me.
213
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,614
I think that when he comes back,
214
00:11:06,649 --> 00:11:09,117
we should greet him
with a rousing welcome.
215
00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:10,118
What do you say?
216
00:11:10,153 --> 00:11:12,487
Good, okay.
217
00:11:12,522 --> 00:11:13,922
Back to the barricades.
218
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:16,135
Oh, boy, there's really a
great feeling in this room,
219
00:11:16,159 --> 00:11:17,736
isn't there? Yeah,
where is Oscar anyway?
220
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,272
He's out making contact
with another group,
221
00:11:19,296 --> 00:11:20,339
another ethnic group.
222
00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:21,762
I thought he'd
hit 'em all by now.
223
00:11:21,798 --> 00:11:23,526
We leave no stone unturned.
224
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,752
There he is.
225
00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:30,232
Hey, you look sensational.
226
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,450
Did we get the Indian vote?
227
00:11:31,474 --> 00:11:32,506
All three of 'em.
228
00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:33,908
Yeah.
229
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,371
Did you hear the
great news? What?
230
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,639
Miriam took another poll.
231
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:37,990
You're up to 17%.
232
00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:38,980
Hey, that's pretty
good, isn't it?
233
00:11:39,015 --> 00:11:40,660
Hey, did you see
the afternoon paper?
234
00:11:40,684 --> 00:11:41,828
No. I did.
235
00:11:43,419 --> 00:11:44,964
Murray. What happened?
236
00:11:44,988 --> 00:11:46,220
Oscar. What?
237
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:48,873
Simpson concedes on
the playground issue.
238
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,052
You're kidding. Everybody,
239
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,041
give me your attention.
240
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:52,042
Great news.
241
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,511
Gypsies, everybody.
242
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,381
Simpson has conceded on
the issue of the playgrounds.
243
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,593
We keep our playgrounds.
244
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,884
Yeah!
245
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,152
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
246
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:03,588
Oh, do you know what this means?
247
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,133
Yeah, it means
we get to go home.
248
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:06,123
What are you talking about?
249
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,392
No, she's right.
250
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,104
We got into this campaign
to settle the playground issue.
251
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,094
We did it.
252
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:12,329
Hey, you all did
some terrific job.
253
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,976
Thank you all. I'm
going to the racetrack.
254
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,160
No, Oscar.
255
00:12:15,185 --> 00:12:16,996
Oscar, Oscar, come back.
256
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:20,054
Oscar.
257
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:21,456
You can't quit now.
258
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,424
I won't let you.
259
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:39,807
Oscar.
260
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:42,377
Breakfast.
261
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,857
I do not choose to run.
262
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:04,215
Aw, come on.
263
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,950
Wh-Where's your patriotism?
264
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,262
What do you want me to be,
265
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,264
the father of Lexington Avenue?
266
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,634
I won the campaign
that I wanted to win,
267
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,469
and that's all there is to it.
268
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,795
Mm. But if you were councilman,
you could do so much more.
269
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,864
You could put great, big,
handsome trash baskets
270
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,332
on every corner.
271
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,668
You could wash
the Statue of Liberty.
272
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:26,037
You could put those ugly
fire hydrants underground
273
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,900
so the dogs wouldn't
have a tendency.
274
00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:30,758
Look, it's a... it's ridiculous
to think that I could win.
275
00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:31,926
Why?! Why?
276
00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:33,511
One reason... we have no money.
277
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,774
That's why. Did
Washington have money?
278
00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:37,610
Somebody bought
those cute wigs for him.
279
00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:39,333
He had spirit.
280
00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:40,679
That's what he had! Yeah.
281
00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:43,571
He believed in what he
was doing, and he had spirit.
282
00:13:58,854 --> 00:13:59,987
Hello.
283
00:14:00,022 --> 00:14:02,423
Yes, Mr. Bryant. Yes.
284
00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:04,558
Will stop it already
with the drums?!
285
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,226
It's my publisher.
286
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,545
Yes, Mr. Bryant.
287
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,314
Well... Well, to be honest,
288
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,383
I-I was thinking
of withdrawing, sir.
289
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,086
I agree with you.
290
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:16,855
That would be a stupid idea.
291
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,756
Well, it was just
a fleeting thought.
292
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,359
I mean, I... I certainly would.
293
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:22,660
Yes, sir.
294
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,279
Okay. Thank you.
295
00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:25,480
Bye-bye.
296
00:14:25,515 --> 00:14:26,714
What? What?
297
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,460
You're not gonna
believe this. What? What?
298
00:14:28,484 --> 00:14:30,762
The publisher... he wants me
to continue with my campaign.
299
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:31,964
Hmm?
300
00:14:31,988 --> 00:14:33,654
He said that spot
with Howard K. Smith,
301
00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:35,534
it gave the paper a
lot of publicity. Yeah?
302
00:14:35,558 --> 00:14:36,868
He doesn't like Simpson...
But listen to this...
303
00:14:36,892 --> 00:14:38,409
He's gonna finance our campaign!
304
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:39,554
Oh, my goodness!
305
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:40,639
Oh!
306
00:14:40,663 --> 00:14:41,840
Congratulations...!
307
00:14:41,864 --> 00:14:43,897
All right, all right,
all right, all right now!
308
00:14:43,933 --> 00:14:45,311
Everybody got what
they want. Please.
309
00:14:45,335 --> 00:14:47,135
Now, come on. It's
early in the morning.
310
00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:48,847
Let me have my breakfast, okay?
311
00:14:48,871 --> 00:14:51,991
I mean, it's so early. My...
312
00:15:04,754 --> 00:15:06,687
Give me the sticks!
313
00:15:10,693 --> 00:15:12,543
Oh!
314
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,792
♪ ♪
315
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,926
What is this?
316
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,762
I thought we were
going on television.
317
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,018
This is television.
318
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,520
This is The Igor Show.
319
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,717
Igor is a big star, buddy.
320
00:15:57,741 --> 00:16:00,052
We're gonna talk in
front of horror film fans?
321
00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:01,209
They vote.
322
00:16:01,244 --> 00:16:02,284
Horror shows are big.
323
00:16:02,311 --> 00:16:03,455
Five seconds, Igor. Let's go.
324
00:16:03,479 --> 00:16:05,224
You guys get off
the set. Sorry, Sorry.
325
00:16:05,248 --> 00:16:06,380
Three seconds, Igor.
326
00:16:06,416 --> 00:16:08,348
Where's Igor?
327
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,134
I don't know.
328
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,199
We shall return
329
00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,956
to tonight's horror movie,
330
00:16:15,991 --> 00:16:18,659
The Mysterious Planet Debbie,
331
00:16:18,695 --> 00:16:22,196
right after this word from
Councilman Simpson,
332
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:26,245
who is running for reelection
in the 34th Council District.
333
00:16:26,269 --> 00:16:28,236
Mr. Simpson!
334
00:16:28,271 --> 00:16:31,639
Ah!
335
00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:38,445
Thank you, Igor.
336
00:16:38,481 --> 00:16:40,414
You're welcome.
337
00:16:41,651 --> 00:16:43,429
Good evening, friends.
338
00:16:43,453 --> 00:16:46,766
On behalf of my
lovely wife, Edith,
339
00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:49,657
and my little girl, Irene,
and my son, James,
340
00:16:49,692 --> 00:16:52,093
I would like to thank
you for the privilege
341
00:16:52,128 --> 00:16:54,573
of having served you
for the last 14 years.
342
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,264
During this campaign,
343
00:16:57,300 --> 00:17:00,150
I have been opposed
by Mr. Oscar Madison,
344
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,153
a public spirited citizen
345
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,988
who has brought to my attention
346
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,891
several pressing
community problems.
347
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,811
And, uh, for this, I would
like to thank him sincerely.
348
00:17:09,846 --> 00:17:11,312
Mr. Madison.
349
00:17:11,347 --> 00:17:12,613
However,
350
00:17:12,648 --> 00:17:15,483
when you go to the polls
tomorrow to cast your vote,
351
00:17:15,518 --> 00:17:17,518
I urge you to place
your confidence
352
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:19,737
in a man with experience.
353
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,972
I would like to remind you
354
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:25,493
that it was I who got the
additional police protection
355
00:17:25,528 --> 00:17:27,378
for our neighborhoods.
356
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,213
And I would like you to remember
357
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,815
that it was I that
engineered the federal funds
358
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,618
with which we
improved our schools.
359
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:36,687
Lastly, I would
like to remind you
360
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:40,558
that a vote for Simpson
is a vote for progress.
361
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,527
Thank you very much.
362
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:47,514
We're going home
now to pop some corn.
363
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:53,637
Thank you, Councilman.
364
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,706
Now boys and ghouls,
365
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,575
back to The Mysterious
Planet Debbie.
366
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:01,545
As you recall, our
hero, Dr. Rontor,
367
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,081
was struggling
with the awful curse
368
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,649
of the Casaba people.
369
00:18:09,906 --> 00:18:11,339
Seems like a nice guy.
370
00:18:11,374 --> 00:18:12,840
Igor? He's a pussycat.
371
00:18:12,876 --> 00:18:14,408
Not Igor. Simpson!
372
00:18:14,443 --> 00:18:17,144
Did you fall for
all that malarkey?
373
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,991
Listen, you're the
man of the people.
374
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,292
You're gonna wipe him out.
375
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,116
I don't know. He
looked pretty appealing.
376
00:18:22,151 --> 00:18:23,417
His kids were so cute,
377
00:18:23,452 --> 00:18:25,519
I wanted to go
and hug 'em myself.
378
00:18:25,554 --> 00:18:26,832
You're on in ten minutes.
379
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,222
Where you going?
380
00:18:28,258 --> 00:18:30,035
I'll be right back. I'll be
back. Where? Where?
381
00:18:30,059 --> 00:18:31,692
Look, you watch the
film on the monitor.
382
00:18:31,727 --> 00:18:33,172
It's a real goodie. I've
seen it seven times.
383
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,461
Here comes the part
384
00:18:34,497 --> 00:18:37,682
where the giant cockroach
swallowed Rhode Island.
385
00:18:40,102 --> 00:18:41,669
Rhode Island?
386
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,503
Big Deal. Three bites.
387
00:18:45,641 --> 00:18:46,824
Igor?
388
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:50,628
Next week, the bagpipe
and the octopus engage.
389
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,007
No, no, no... Oh...
390
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,409
The cockroaches are
still eating Rhode Island.
391
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,993
That's all right.
Go back. I'm sorry.
392
00:19:08,631 --> 00:19:12,567
Aw, don't cry, folks.
393
00:19:12,602 --> 00:19:15,853
It was only Rhode Island.
394
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,823
Didn't you just love the part
395
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,225
where he spit out Providence?
396
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,866
Now, right after
this commercial,
397
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,868
we'll be hearing
398
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,870
from Councilman
Simpson's opponent,
399
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,072
Oscar Madison.
400
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,640
Commercial rolling!
401
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,009
Oscar?
402
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,127
Please.
403
00:19:40,162 --> 00:19:42,096
Thank you, Igor.
404
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:45,477
Come on.
405
00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:46,767
Where have you been?
406
00:19:46,802 --> 00:19:48,714
I'll be on the air
in ten, 15 seconds.
407
00:19:48,738 --> 00:19:50,448
Come on. What
are you...? Come on.
408
00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:51,605
Who are these people?
409
00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:53,952
All right, just...
Campaign... Scoot a bit.
410
00:19:53,976 --> 00:19:55,142
Felix, what are you doing?
411
00:19:55,177 --> 00:19:57,122
Who are they? Put
your arms around them.
412
00:19:57,146 --> 00:19:58,411
Why? I don't even know them.
413
00:19:58,447 --> 00:19:59,908
What are you doing?
Put your arms...
414
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,482
Who are they?
415
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:02,628
Those are your loved ones.
416
00:20:02,652 --> 00:20:04,063
My loved ones? Oh,
no, no, no. Yes, yes.
417
00:20:04,087 --> 00:20:05,464
I know what you're doing.
They're not my loved ones.
418
00:20:05,488 --> 00:20:06,699
No, get... No, no,
I'm not gonna do it.
419
00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:07,888
I'm not gonna do it!
420
00:20:07,924 --> 00:20:09,073
Three, two. Please!
421
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,307
One! Go!
422
00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:12,543
Good evening, everyone.
423
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,245
My name is Felix Unger,
424
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,680
and I have the great
good fortune and honor
425
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,316
to be the campaign
manager for Oscar Madison,
426
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,795
who was unfortunately
called away
427
00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:22,653
to help a needy person.
428
00:20:24,674 --> 00:20:28,776
I am surrounded by
Mr. Madison's loved ones.
429
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:32,480
But who wouldn't love
the brave hero of Anzio,
430
00:20:32,515 --> 00:20:35,766
who single-handedly
saved an entire platoon...
431
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:39,035
The famous 143rd
Melting Pot Platoon?
432
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,037
Italians, Jews, Puerto Ricans...
433
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,407
You name 'em, he saved 'em.
434
00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:45,726
Felix?
435
00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:47,306
Felix? And here
is Oscar Madison.
436
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,696
How are the needy people?
437
00:20:48,731 --> 00:20:50,409
They're fine,
Felix, they're fine.
438
00:20:50,433 --> 00:20:53,367
My campaign manager,
Felix Unger, gets carried away
439
00:20:53,402 --> 00:20:55,246
and has a great sense of humor.
440
00:20:55,270 --> 00:20:57,081
Now, these are
not my loved ones.
441
00:20:57,105 --> 00:20:58,650
They're very nice
people, I'm sure,
442
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,218
but they're not my loved ones,
443
00:21:00,242 --> 00:21:02,321
and I was not a hero at Anzio.
444
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,155
I would like to be
your councilman.
445
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:06,658
I think I did a good job
on the playground issue,
446
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,615
and if you do elect me,
447
00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:10,995
I'll try harder to do
even more for you.
448
00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:12,919
Thank you very much.
449
00:21:12,955 --> 00:21:14,321
We're into commercial.
450
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:15,556
Thank you. Thank you.
451
00:21:15,591 --> 00:21:16,824
Here's your dollar.
452
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,225
Here's your dollar. Thank you...
453
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:19,460
Here's your dollar.
454
00:21:22,097 --> 00:21:24,443
I don't know why
you're so mad at me.
455
00:21:24,467 --> 00:21:26,233
If I made a mistake,
456
00:21:26,268 --> 00:21:28,213
it's only because
of overzealousness.
457
00:21:28,237 --> 00:21:30,049
Yeah. I went too far, all right.
458
00:21:30,073 --> 00:21:32,151
Try to get me votes from,
who, ghouls in Transylvania?
459
00:21:32,175 --> 00:21:33,618
I admit that ethnically,
it wasn't probable,
460
00:21:33,642 --> 00:21:34,886
but she's gonna vote for you.
461
00:21:34,910 --> 00:21:36,221
She's gonna vote
for you. Felix...
462
00:21:36,245 --> 00:21:38,090
What are you gonna do, fire
me as your campaign manager?
463
00:21:38,114 --> 00:21:39,513
No, I don't want to fire you.
464
00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:41,126
I just don't want to go
through that craziness.
465
00:21:41,150 --> 00:21:43,217
"These are your loved
ones." How do I handle that?
466
00:21:43,252 --> 00:21:44,796
All right, no more
craziness. No more craziness.
467
00:21:44,820 --> 00:21:47,533
We got one more day,
and, baby, we're gonna go.
468
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:48,756
Where?
469
00:21:48,791 --> 00:21:50,607
To the top!
470
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,396
♪ ♪
471
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,561
♪ ♪
472
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:25,726
FELIX: ♪ Oscar
Madison for council ♪
473
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:28,996
♪ He is A-OK ♪
474
00:22:29,031 --> 00:22:34,802
♪ His enthusiasm mounts
till the election day ♪
475
00:22:34,837 --> 00:22:37,872
♪ Never frowning,
always smiling ♪
476
00:22:37,907 --> 00:22:40,908
♪ Oscar cannot miss ♪
477
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:43,911
♪ Cute and sweet
and so beguiling ♪
478
00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:47,013
♪ A face you love to kiss! ♪
479
00:22:49,718 --> 00:22:53,019
And so, election night draws
to a close over New York,
480
00:22:53,055 --> 00:22:54,833
ending one of the most
harrowing campaigns
481
00:22:54,857 --> 00:22:56,090
in local history.
482
00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:58,892
The 34th District had
the largest voter turnout,
483
00:22:58,928 --> 00:23:01,161
and the final count is now in.
484
00:23:01,196 --> 00:23:04,331
It's Simpson with 5,413 votes,
485
00:23:04,366 --> 00:23:07,935
and Madison, 5,280 votes.
486
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,237
Simpson retains
his council seat.
487
00:23:10,272 --> 00:23:12,017
Now back to our
regular programming.
488
00:23:14,243 --> 00:23:16,209
Simpson is the winner.
489
00:23:19,682 --> 00:23:22,415
Hey, come on here.
490
00:23:22,451 --> 00:23:24,852
What's the matter
with you people?
491
00:23:24,887 --> 00:23:26,854
We got 48% of the vote.
492
00:23:26,889 --> 00:23:28,204
What are you depressed about?
493
00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:30,741
Do you realize we almost
took an election away
494
00:23:30,776 --> 00:23:32,843
from a man who's
been around 14 years?
495
00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:36,880
I guarantee you, Simpson'll
be on his toes from now on in.
496
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,949
You know who's
responsible for this mostly?
497
00:23:38,984 --> 00:23:40,418
My best friend
498
00:23:40,453 --> 00:23:42,019
and my campaign
manager, Felix Unger,
499
00:23:42,054 --> 00:23:43,987
and he'll explain
it better than I will.
500
00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:45,305
Go ahead.
501
00:23:52,414 --> 00:23:54,693
I wanted to win!
502
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:58,852
It's all right, buddy.
503
00:23:58,887 --> 00:24:01,788
It's all right...
504
00:24:10,833 --> 00:24:12,967
Hershel, the chicken's ready!
505
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,923
Felix, it's an hour
and a half already.
506
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:23,193
You're not listening to me.
507
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:26,564
Now, hear this.
508
00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:29,467
Now hear this. You
did very, very well.
509
00:24:29,502 --> 00:24:32,703
Your problem was that
you had dreams of grandeur.
510
00:24:32,738 --> 00:24:35,038
You even pictured me as
the president, didn't you?
511
00:24:37,844 --> 00:24:40,311
Come on, buddy!
512
00:24:40,346 --> 00:24:42,579
Let's go out of here proud.
513
00:24:42,614 --> 00:24:43,881
I can't tell you...
514
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:46,917
You did a great job,
and I'm so proud of you,
515
00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:49,519
and I want to thank you
for everything you did.
516
00:24:49,555 --> 00:24:51,288
Come on, buddy, let's go home.
517
00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,990
You were terrific.
518
00:24:58,964 --> 00:25:01,131
Thank you, Oscar.
519
00:25:06,772 --> 00:25:09,773
Come on, let's go.
520
00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:12,142
Ah, this is all over.
521
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,319
Now, hear this, World,
522
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:25,622
you won't have Oscar
Madison to kick around anymore.
35878
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