Original subtitles

♪♪

Ah, this is Rush Week.

It's a week that freshmen get rushed by fraternities and sororities.

- Hi, there. - Hi!

And since I don't have the legs to get into a sorority,

I am doing the next best thing.

I'm going to hold out for the coolest frat on campus --

Sigma Alpha.

- Hey, Zack! - Huh?

- Say hi to Rick Larson. - Hey, Rick.

Rick is from Sigma Alpha.

Rick! Hey hey, come on in!

Well, you're already in.

Well, sit down. You're already sitting down.

Hey! Want some Pringles? Every one is perfect!

Hey, uh, Zack? Zack, relax.

He's here to see me.

- You? - Uh-huh.

Yeah, the brothers and I wanted to extend a personal invitation

to Slater to our open house tomorrow night.

(SMUGLY) Personal invitation.

Not too many people get those, huh?

Well, we like to think we attract the best on campus.

Right.

Best brains, best families, best athletes.

Ah, well, you know, Rick, I'm sort of a jock, myself.

Really? What sport?

What sport?

Uh, hockey!

Yes, yes, I'm going out for the hockey team.

So am I. I'll see you at tryouts this afternoon.

Yeah, I didn't get to play last year -- concussion.

Got my head slammed into the boards.

It was great.

Great, great. No, nothing like a good head injury.

Uh-huh.

So Slater, we'll see you at the open house tomorrow night?

- All right. - Ah, Rick, Rick?

Uh, open -- is that to everyone?

Oh, sure, you can come too, Jack.

Did you hear that?

That sounded like a personal invitation to me.

Yeah!

It sounds like they really want you, Jack.

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow today ♪

Hey, Slater, that's great.

You know, Sigma Alpha is my fraternity, too.

Yeah?

As a matter of fact, I'm kind of a legend there.

Oh, because you played football?

No.

Because I'm the guy that pulled off the famous bell tower prank.

Oh, really? What was that?

You mean you never heard of it?

Unh-uh.

One night I climbed the bell tower

and I took the clapper out of the bell.

So when the bell was supposed to chime, there was nothing!

No sound!

Nothing!

Like right now.

Are you sure you never heard of it?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The famous clapper caper.

- Really funny. - Yeah.

Come on, Slater. He's putting you on.

That's the most boring prank I've ever heard of.

You're pulling our legs, right, Mike?

No, but when I do, you'll be six inches taller.

Oh.

Hey! So, how'd the hockey tryouts go?

Well, I swallowed a puck and the Zamboni ran over me.

Does that answer your question?

Hmm, I bet Rick was really impressed.

Mmm, I don't think so.

He was the one driving the Zamboni.

Ah, nothing to worry about.

- I have another plan. - Hey, you know, Mike?

Mike here was just telling me he is a Sigma Alpha man.

Really? Well, of course he would be.

I mean, he's an all-star jock, handsome.

Is that your other plan, Zack?

Kissing up?

Think it'll work?

I like it.

Tell you what, I'll put in a good word for you with my fraternity brothers.

- Well thanks, Mike! - Got it.

Yeah, thanks, Mike!

You know, Screech,

a lot of guys want to get into Sigma Alpha House,

but not everybody can.

You might want to find a house that--that suits you.

Like for instance, the House of Pancakes.

Guys!

Great news!

I was just invited to the Beta Delta party!

Hey, that's the sorority you wanted to get in!

- It is! - Congratulations!

Aw, thanks, Leslie!

Have you been rushed yet?

Well, my mother was in Kappa Theta, so I'm a legacy there.

Which means they have to take me whether they want to or not.

Aw!

I'd die to be a Kappa Theta.

Hey, you know that the Beta Deltas and the Kappa Thetas are rival sororities?

- Ooh, really? - Yeah!

It goes back 80 years when the Betas kidnapped the Thetas'

homecoming queen, Eleanor Roosevelt.

Oh, come on! Give me a break!

And they have been fighting ever since.

No, and just last week,

the Thetas put super glue on the Betas' toilet seats.

That was them?

I was visiting that day.

And I didn't think that it was funny!

Ow! Oh, come on!

It was just a joke.

I mean, let's not let getting into different sororities affect our friendship.

Oh, OK.

OK.

Oh, and just a bit of friendly advice,

I really wouldn't wear that outfit to my open house.

Oh, well if I was going to Theta House,

then I would dress like Margaret Thatcher.

Well excuse me for not looking like the B-52s!

You just keep your hands off my toilet seat.

Oh.

You know, I was thinking, Slater.

You gotta put in a good word for me with Rick

and the other fraternity guys.

Well, I don't know what to tell them.

Well, you just tell them that I'm loyal, honest,

and that I'm Cindy Crawford's new co-host on "House of Style."

Hey, Slater.

Hey, what's up, Rick?

Oh, um, I think Zack here should be in the frat.

OK.

If he's a friend of yours, he's got a good shot.

Oh, great!

Hey guys, check these out!

- No! - No, no, no, Screech!

- Now is not a good time. - No.

Any time's a good time for balloon animals.

Besides, I figure the next time we have a party,

- they could come in handy. - No.

Screech, get those things out of here.

What's the matter, Slater? You don't like Mr. Giraffey Waffy?

I can make a rhinoceros or hippo or a--

(ANGRILY) No!

You killed him!

Who is that guy?

That guy? Oh, just a guy in our dorm.

- Yeah, he lives down the hall. - Uh-huh.

Way down the hall.

Someone, anyone, yell out a farm animal!

Some other time.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Slater, it's just a fraternity party.

Me?

Hey, you don't want to be seen with Screech, either!

I'm not the one who tried to sign him up

for the Semester at Sea program!

No, no, you're the one who wanted to exchange him

for that student from Pakistan!

That's right, if she loses her mustache, she's a babe!

I can't believe this!

What is so great about being in a fraternity?

It's just a bunch of guys sitting around watching

"Beavis and Butthead" and burping.

- And? - And?

And, is it worth turning your back on Screech?

I thought he was your friend.

Well, yeah, I mean, he is.

I like Screech.

Yeah, I like him, too.

Well, then again, I like the Three Stooges,

but I wouldn't want to go to a fraternity party with them.

Well, maybe Larry.

Yeah, maybe Larry.

(SIMULTANEOUSLY) Oh, a wise guy.

Listen, Screech has been making a fool out of me since kindergarten.

Because of him, I didn't get in the cool nap group.

You know, that's true. You have known him longer.

Technically, that makes him more your friend.

What?

So you should be the one to tell him he's not coming with us!

No, no, no, he's just as much your friend.

No, no, no, he's really more your friend.

- No, no. - You said le-- [whistle]

The way you guys are talking, it seems like he's more my friend.

Well, great. Then you tell him!

Yeah!

Ugh.

- Man. - Yeah.

You're going to be the one.

I'm not going to tell him. You tell him!

Hey Dad, isn't it great?

I'm going to be in a fraternity!

No, not a geek frat, it's a really cool one.

Yeah, Zack and Slater are going to be my brothers.

This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me!

Hey, Screech.

Oh, hi guys.

Uh, about this fraternity party tonight--

- Yeah. - Oh, you guys want to go together?

I can ride one of you on my handlebars.

No!

You see, a lot of this fraternity stuff is all about

appearances.

Sounds pretty superficial.

That's right, that's right.

And who better to help you be superficial than us?

- Well, thanks guys. - No problem, Screech.

Screech, say let's start with that.

- Hmm. - Let's use his real name.

Uh,

uh--

Samuel! My name is Samuel!

Right! Samuel!

Doesn't quite cut it.

Sam. Sammy.

How about Brad?

Who's Brad?

You are, at least for the next couple days.

- Brad? - Uh-huh.

Brad?

- I kind of like that. - Well, good!

All right, now let's talk about Brad's hobbies.

Now, he's definitely into sports.

Right! And vintage cars --

Mustangs, Corvettes.

A real party animal.

- A babe hound. - Uh-huh.

Oh, and don't forget his collection of "Baywatch" action figures!

OK, we'll work on hobbies later.

Yeah.

- Let's show him how Brad walks. - Right, right.

Hey, can he have a gimpy leg,

like maybe from a motorcycle accident like, maybe.

- No! No, no, no. - No.

Screech, just walk over here normal, OK?

- Oh. - Oh, my, oh.

No, look, Screech.

This is the way Brad walks into a room.

Check this out.

See? Huh?

Wow, Brad's really cool.

That's right. OK, Screech-- Brad--

Brad, let's see you try it.

Go for it.

OK. We'll just have to work on that, too.

- Uh-huh. - Are you keeping a list?

Maybe we need some outside advice, huh?

Yeah.

Um, excuse me, ladies?

Could you come in here a minute, please?

What's up?

Oh, we're just giving Screech here a few pointers for the open house.

What do you think he should wear?

I think we should go with earth tones,

something subdued and understated.

No, no no, no, no.

He needs bold color, something that'll draw attention to his--

earth tones are good.

What are you guys doing?

They're turning me into a really cool frat guy named Brad!

A makeover? I love makeovers!

Whoa, whoa, Leslie. That's my favorite jacket.

Oh, it's a great color on Brad.

Hey, hey, hey! How about this?

Yeah!

Oh yeah, this will make a really cool headband.

I was thinking around the neck.

Why? It's a party, not a funeral.

Well I think it's classy.

I know my future Theta sisters would think so.

Well, my future Beta sisters wouldn't be caught dead at a party

with a guy who looks like Richard Nixon!

- It's a headband! - Necktie!

- Headband! - Necktie!

Ladies, ladies, please!

And the next morning, when the bell was supposed to ring,

there was nothing.

Nothing.

So when was this?

1978.

Wow, that's incredible.

Hey, Tom, wait 'til you hear this!

This guy's been here since the '70s!

OK, now remember--

remember, your name is Brad.

You have always been Brad,

everything about you says Brad.

Then why does my underwear say, Screech?

Just don't show them your underwear, all right?

Got it!

Hey, hey.

Hi guys, I'm Brad, but you can't see my underwear.

Oh my--

- Hey, guys! Zack Morris. - How you doing?

- Hey, Rick. How you doing? - Zack.

Want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Brad.

- Brad. - Hey, hey.

We were just talking about putting in a couple of tennis courts out back.

Oh, that sounds great, 'cause, you know,

the courts on the campus are always tied up.

- Do you play tennis, Brad? - Uh, do I play tennis?

- Yes, you play tennis. - Yes, I play tennis.

You use a two-handed backhand?

Well that's a pretty personal question!

Hoo!

Ah, Brad, let's get something to drink.

- But I'm not thirsty. - Drink or die.

Hey, Slater! Glad you could come!

Rick!

I see just you just met Brad.

Let me warn you, look out for him.

The guy is chick Velcro.

You're kidding.

Who is the new guy?

He's hot.

Why, that's Brad.

Oh? Can you introduce me?

See what I mean?

OK, Leslie, if you don't mind being just another number

in his little black book.

Do you think I could make the book?

Get away! I saw him first!

Get real! He smiled at me!

In your dreams, bimbo!

- Tramp! - Theta!

- Beta! - Yeah?

- Yeah! - Yeah?

Ladies, ladies! Please!

Let's settle this in a civilized way.

Mud wrestle for me!

Say Brad, have you met all the brothers?

Oh, not yet.

Hey Zack, it's great, it's working, they really like me!

Yeah, that's why we should leave right now.

- Yeah. - What, are you crazy?

I'm on a roll!

- Watch this! - Oh, whoa--

I don't think we should push our luck.

Hey, everybody, can I have your attention?

This has been a really great party, but I always say,

what's a party without balloon animals?

Hey, was this a great night, or what?

Yeah.

I didn't know I could have a stroke at 19.

You know, I think they were really impressed when I made the kangaroo.

Boing cha-boing, cha-boing.

Go to bed, Screech.

OK, but I'm too excited to sleep.

[deflating balloon]

Sorry, my kangaroo got away from me.

So hey guys, when do we find out if we made it in?

I don't know.

When they decide, they'll form a committee and come and get us.

Then we'll be initiated.

What'll they do?

Might shave our heads.

Roger says they used to smother guys in honey

and then let ants crawl all over them.

Ooh! I can't wait!

- All right! We made it! - Yeah!

- All right! - Woo-hoo!

Not until we officially slime you. Slime buckets ready?

Slime buckets ready.

Hey! Guys! Did you hear that?

We're going to be slimed! Isn't this great?

[sloshing]

Sorry about that, man.

Guess we got caught up in the excitement.

It was just supposed to be the other two guys.

You gentlemen have been chosen for induction to Sigma Alpha.

Ah, Rick, excuse me, ah, this is great.

I'm really honored and all, but, uh, what about Screech?

- Who? - Brad!

Sometimes we call him Screech.

'Cause--

'cause of the way he peels out in his 'vette.

Right.

Yeah, Screech is a great guy, too, but listen,

if you take Screech, it'll raise the GPA of the entire frat.

- I'm telling you, the guy is a genius. - Uh-huh.

Guy makes great balloon animals, too.

But a lot of other things have to be considered.

Like what?

Like loyalty to your friends, seeing the best in everyone, a big heart?

I'm telling you, Screech has all that and more.

Tell him, Slater.

Yeah.

And he flosses after every meal.

As important as dental hygiene is,

we only have certain number of openings.

The two of you were lucky to get in.

Oh, Rick, come on.

I mean, can't you make room for one more?

- Come on. - I'm sorry, guys.

There's nothing we can do.

Ooh! Ooh!

What is this slimy stuff?

Well, I'd say your dorm buddies are now members of Sigma Alpha.

Either that, or somebody's been playing frog hockey.

Well, I guess they're going to be your fraternity brothers now, huh?

Well, I suppose so,

but I don't think I'm going to be hanging around the frat house much anymore.

But I thought you were a real fraternity man.

Eh, I was.

Bit I think I've outgrown it.

You know, fraternities are for younger guys,

and I've moved on to a new place of my life.

Hmm.

Plus, those little punks changed the locks on me.

Sss.

Well, it's just as well.

I mean, this whole fraternity, sorority thing is kind of juvenile.

Ugh.

(EXCITEDLY) It's the Kappa Betas, they're coming for us!

Eeeee!

Leslie! Guess what?

They're coming for us!

- Well, who's coming? - The Thetas!

Leslie Burke, we're here to induct you into the Kappa Thetas.

Leslie! This is great!

We're going to be sorority sisters!

You know, Kelly, I've been thinking.

For the past couple of days,

I've seen what Rush Week can do to friends

and how much people can be hurt by it.

It--it's a real honor, but I've decided not to join a sorority.

- What? - What?

Thanks anyway.

I hope you know what you're doing.

Oh! Oh, wa--wa--wait!

What about me?

What about you?

Well, I'm not going to turn it down.

Sorry, you weren't chosen.

Oh, please!

Bu--bu--

Did I just do that?

'Fraid so.

Listen, before I turn around,

promise never to mention this again?

Oh, that's OK, Kelly.

That's easy for you to say!

I mean, you got into the sorority you wanted.

Actually, I just found out tonight that I didn't get into the Beta Deltas.

Oh, I'm really sorry, Alex.

Oh, well, who needs sororities, anyway?

That's right! [knocking]

If it's that bunch of snobs again,

you just tell them I changed my mind, too.

Yeah, we hate their snobby butts!

I'm Karen Jessel from Pi Psi.

We are here to rush Alex Tabor and Kelly Kapowski.

[screaming]

(SINGING) ♪ We made it! We're in ♪

- ♪ We made it ♪ - Wait!

What's that sorority again?

Pi Psi.

(SIMULTANEOUSLY) We made Pi Psi!

Hi, Screech.

What are you doing?

Oh, hi Leslie.

I'm just watching the TV.

But the set isn't even on.

Oh, I know. I'm just watching the TV.

Hey, what are you two doing back so early?

Eh, it seems that Sigma Alpha's made a mistake.

They didn't want us, either.

Really? That's great!

Oh, I mean, you two must feel terrible.

Are you kidding? This just means we're indies.

Right! We're indies!

I've always wanted to be an indie.

What's an indie?

Indies. Independent.

We stand on our own, we don't need the fraternity thing.

Yeah.

Right, we'll start our own fraternity.

You'll rush him, he'll rush you, and I'll--

oh wait, I'm left out again!

Come on, buddy.

Show me how you got this stuff out of your hair.

Ugh.

- Zack? - Huh?

That was really nice of you guys.

What?

Well, come on, they didn't want Screech,

so you guys gave it up, right?

Well, this fraternity and sorority thing isn't all it's cracked up to be.

That's what I thought, too.

Wait a minute, you're not joining a sorority?

I guess I'm an indie, too.

Huh, well, well, well.

We discover we have something else in common.

What do you say we get something to eat?

Well, Zack, I've gone out with slime before,

but this is where I draw the line.

- Ugh! - Sorry!

Hit the showers, Indie!

Hey, I'm really sorry you guys didn't get into the fraternity.

Eh, don't worry about it, Screech.

Brad--

Samuel Screech Powers, whatever your name is,

the brothers of Sigma Alpha have decided to induct you.

Whoa-ho-ho.

Did you guys hear that? That's great!

- Yeah! - Yeah.

What should I do, though?

I can't join a fraternity without my friends

and we're supposed to be indies together.

No, Screech. Just go for it!

But what about you guys?

Just do it, Screech.

All right, then I accept.

Whoa!

[sloshing]

Hey! I just cleaned up this hallway!

You two! Grab some mops.

Hey, Mike!

We're going to be fraternity brothers!

Isn't it great?

I can make an elephant or a rhinoceros.

- No! - Ah!

- You killed him! - Come on.

Hey, Mike!

We're going to be fraternity brothers! Isn't it great?