Original subtitles

WOMAN ON TV: 'If I could just make myself heard...'

CROWD SHOUTS

'Specifically, those young offenders that have in the past

'been made the subject of ABSOs.' ..of ASBOs.

'Anti-Social Behaviour Orders.' Anti-Social Behaviour Orders.

This policy recognises that tackling crime...

BOTH: ..is not just about punishment.

Education is also crucial.

BOTH: And that is why we intend to bring in a new system...

'..whereby young people who observe the terms of their ASBO...'

Will be entitled to what?

..will be entitled to a... ..good behaviour bond.

This is a one-off payment

which would be contingent on attendance at a recognised...

OK, James. The costings.

Hit her hard with the costings.

Explain to me why a very similar idea was thrown out

by her own chancellor only last year for being too expensive.

Get to the delinquency bribe.

'..not a good behaviour bond but a delinquency bribe,

'rewarding criminal behaviour.'

PARLIAMENT JEERS

'Sorry, I'm struggling to understand why my Right Honourable friend...'

Don't let her get up.

Expenditure of £10 million with an estimated take-up rate of 15%.

Go on, James, finish her off.

Are these figures correct?

Question two - do they represent value for money?

JEERING

How have they got those figures?

JEERING Erm, well, value for money, erm,

is... is involved in keeping our young offenders out of prison.

By paying them? LAUGHTER

This is a total fucking car crash.

Somebody leaked it. No!

Was it you? No!

It wasn't Kirsty, Jo.

It was nothing to do with her. Erm...

This is all my fault.

Out.

Start talking.

We ready for tomorrow? We've done the research.

It's a good policy, and Jo takes no prisoners in the house.

We just made a few tweaks to the speech.

KIRSTY CHUCKLES

Oh, no.

What's up? My brother.

James needs a victory on the floor tomorrow.

People are saying he lacks killer instinct.

Well, Jo Porter doesn't, so he better get his mojo working.

Why do we need lobbyists?

It's about giving my clients the opportunity

to influence the legislation that will affect them.

MOUTHS

I mean, obviously, I can't compete with an MP's researcher

when it comes to credibility, but somebody has to sell their soul

to provide Danny with a sofa to sleep on.

I'll get some drinks.

You like her, don't you? You shut up!

SING-SONG: You like her! Don't! Just... don't.

Hurry up, Danny, she's coming back.

DOOR CREAKS

Liquorice rib-ticklers.

Would you want your ribs tickled with one of those?

Don't know. I'm not a girl...

..or anything, but, er, no.

INAUDIBLE

James, it's Ashika. Get back to the office right now.

I'm getting a bus.

But would you like me to walk you to the Tube?

Think I'll be OK, thanks.

All right.

Good night.

The speech, the report, the appendices,

the professional feedback, you left them all in a pub toilet.

They were in the same folder, yeah.

CLICKS FINGERS And what shall I say, Danny?

How shall I explain it?

My idiot researcher, who I'm always praising to high heaven,

took his eye off the ball.

You can do that, yeah. When?

Whenever you want. I mean... When did you leave it in the pub?

When? Er, last night.

Kirsty wants to become an MP's researcher,

so she came to me for advice.

It was somewhere between hitting on the intern

and getting cheese and onion crisps!

I was trying to help her out.

And you thought you'd show her

a researcher at the peak of his powers?

I thought maybe the cleaners might have found the folder,

thrown it away, you know.

That's what I'd hoped. Great!

A year's work.

I know that better than anyone. Yeah, well, you know what?

It's dead in the water now. Finished.

A year's work, flushed down the toilet.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

We had an opportunity to get a decent and progressive policy

onto the agenda, and you blew it.

You blew it, Danny.

You kicked her arse. Good night, Vienna.

Would it be vulgar to high-five?

In this case, it could certainly be justified.

Oh, sick. Five!

THEY LAUGH

So, still think I lack killer instinct?

You did OK. Just OK?

No, ignore Little Miss Too Cool for School.

You totally ruled.

But we win the Portman Bright account,

and it'll push us into the top-ten lobby firms.

Suppose you're wondering

why I've divided the job between the pair of you?

No, not really. Never occurred to us.

Jake, you'll concentrate on looking after their people.

They're sending down two PR bods.

Alex and Sally.

Scott, you'll be bringing in the obvious Home Office players,

but on top of that, though, we need some Tories.

Tories? Listening to Kanye West on their iPods,

wearing flip-flops, hugging hoodies.

The newer the better.

Portman Bright must have known that we're basically a Labour agency

when they approached us, though.

Yeah, and given the current state of play,

I wish that perception to change, so let's build up our Tory contacts,

or I'll have to start employing some Tories to do it.

SCOTT CHUCKLES

Her Excellency the High Commissioner of South Africa

has the pleasure of inviting Jo Porter and guest.

This is that AIDS conference thingy.

President of South Africa is the keynote speaker.

I mean, they're hosting a big reception afterwards.

I was meant to be going too with Jo.

You think that might be awkward now? I can live with awkward.

My dad was on the Executive Committee

for the Anti-Apartheid Movement.

I mean, he knew the president.

They were friends, you know? Yeah?

Jo was really involved as well.

We used to have dinners for the ANC at our house.

Me and Scott handed out peanuts in bowls.

Oliver Tambo, Archbishop Trevor Huddleston.

If there were any peanuts left, we were allowed to eat them,

so we always watched them, like, really anxiously.

Think the guests got quite freaked out.

I'd been freaked out with you and your brother staring at me.

You know what? Maybe this is an opportunity.

Maybe if I talk to Jo there outside the office, things will...

Jo in her office? Yes.

JO: Roger.

Shit, that's... The Chief Whip, yeah.

OK, so...

you've slept with half the rising stars of the Conservative Party.

Er! You might wanna start this conversation again.

As a hugely talented, very well-connected young journalist,

you're on very good terms

with half the rising stars of the new Conservative Party.

It is true, I've got some friends in W10.

So? So, who do you see as the real up-and-coming talent?

Oh, I get it. Scott, you don't do Tory.

At least not in that sense.

And I wish it could stay that way, but I do have my orders.

What about Conrad Spelling, James Northcote?

James is good. Frightfully driven.

All modernised and on-message, you know?

Keeps both an ethnic and a shirt-lifter in his office.

So, can you get me an introduction?

No. Oh, come on, Sophie.

Why should I give out my contacts to you?

Because I can get you an interview with the Chancellor.

No, you can't. No, I can't.

Not with the Chancellor.

But come on, Sophie, help me out a little bit here, please?

Well, Scott, if you want a favour,

you're gonna have to ask for it properly. Mm.

I want dinner as well. Done.

Don't bother booking a table.

I'll come to your flat, we'll drink lots of wine,

I may even smoke a cigarette.

And then we blow out the restaurant and go straight to bed.

There's no point in messing with the winning formula, I guess.

How about tomorrow? Done.

ROGER, MUFFLED: Do you realise

how much fucking damage that's been done by this?

A year's work...

Thanks. You would have done it.

If the situation had been reversed,

don't tell me you wouldn't have done exactly the same thing.

That's politics.

TYPING

That's politics.

I'm eating. I'm smoking.

What are those funny green things? Courgette.

There's some in the pan. Pass.

You know what Stephen's up to, don't you? Yep.

Person with whom he's most pleased will be...

I said yeah, Scott. All right, I'm just, you know.

Don't want this to cause any friction between us.

I don't think it will, you know.

You're big enough to handle your disappointment.

Ah, the oldest researcher in town.

That would be so funny if it was actually true.

You're 26, aren't you?

In the world of researchers, that should get you, like,

a telegram from the Queen saying, "Time to move on, young man!"

You're 31, aren't you?

In the world of Shoreditch caners, that should get you, like,

a telegram from the Queen saying, "Please stop.

"You're embarrassing everybody."

I'm not a caner. Oh, right.

Because you go to the gym as well, yeah.

Knowing how to have a good time doesnae make you a caner, Danny.

Yeah, Jake, I'm not interested. Leave me alone.

Haven't seen any news today. How did the speech go?

Wanna come for a drink? No.

What's up with the old researcher? MOUTHS

No, I'm not ready.

Yeah, you are. Come on, Wendy. Strap your thighs around my engine.

Why do you always call each other that?

Tramps Like Us. Popular culture, Danny.

Dinnae worry about it.

It's nothing to do with politics. Oh.

No sneaky phone calls to Geordie Pete after a couple of pints.

Tuesday's the new Thursday. Still followed by the old Wednesday.

Yeah.

INAUDIBLE

# We get high

# Before we get low... #

Hiya. You read my mind.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm cool, yeah. Couple rounds, yeah.

# I was looking back for home

# We get high

# Before we get low... #

REPORTER ON TV: 'We've been looking at the degree

'to which an increase in gun and knife crime

'is leading to a retreat from big cities by those...'

# We get high

# Now hear this

# Hey, fellas

# We get low

# With all your money Your money

# Your money, your money

# Your money... #

THEY LAUGH

INDISTINCT

I could have a word with Jo, if you want.

Yeah, and then you can go and sort out the kid who stole my Action Man.

It was a genuine offer there.

Thanks, but I've got to sort this one out myself.

Well, just make sure Jo remembers how indispensable you are.

Am I?

How many sick days you had in the last year, Dan?

Don't remember. I do. It's none.

Plenty of people would love to work for Jo.

Yeah, well, the question is whether plenty of people could work for Jo.

You worked like a maniac on your chav bribe.

Bond. It was a good policy.

Even if it means one kid goes to college

rather than Feltham, it would be worth it.

Well, then keep fighting for it.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Sketch writers are going to town on Jo Porter and her delinquency bribe.

See how a bit of rebranding works?

Listen to this.

"Yesterday, the usually formidable Miss Porter wore the expression

"of the proverbial rabbit in the headlights

"as she outlined her case to offer bursaries to teenagers

"in return for a pledge not to drop their chewing gum."

THEY LAUGH

Ever been to Seville?

We should go sometime.

Walk the streets at night, eat tapas, listen to flamenco.

White sheets in a sultry hotel room.

Mm. Mm.

Can you think of a small obstacle to that little idyll?

I could be researching, I don't know,

small business startup programmes in Andalusia.

Andalusia? Spanish not on the syllabus at your comprehensive?

No, but unlike your private school, it did have girls -

something which would have helped with your sexual development.

SHE LAUGHS

Had no complaints about it so far.

They also taught us manners.

PHONE RINGS Oh.

Probably the Shadow Home Secretary.

Always picks the most annoying time to call.

George. Germany calling.

I'd like a meeting with you today, James.

No, cancel it or send Ashika. This is rather important.

I'll tell you when I see you.

Well, George can only do lunchtime,

and I've got this meeting scheduled with a lobbyist.

Can you take it for me? Well, who is it?

Some future hotshot Sophie Montgomery told me about.

I hate lobbyists. I know.

I'll make it up to you tonight.

You staying in town? And the weekend, hopefully.

Well, then I'll take the lobbyist.

Ah, Jo. I've been going through the report again,

and I've had an idea about getting the bond back again on the agenda.

Where's Kirsty? Oh, erm... photocopying, I think.

Professor Robert Simpson from the University of Birmingham.

I'm meeting him in a couple of days,

and this is his book on community empowerment.

Could you do me report, summary and brief evaluation, please?

I've already read it, actually.

I'm interested what Kirsty thinks.

After all she's keen to become a researcher,

so we should give her a bit more responsibility.

You OK with that, Kirsty? Fine! But what about the, er...?

Filing? Give that to Danny.

Are you...?

Sadly, you're not who I'm waiting for.

Quite sure about that. James Northcote sends his apologies.

A bit of a crisis flared up in the office.

Oh, right, well, we could have rearranged or...

Well, hopefully, I'll be able to handle it.

No, of course, of course. Very nice to meet you.

Would you like a drink? Just mineral water.

Village Vermin. Oh, the website?

It claims that your researcher Matt got his job

by performing an act of fellatio on you.

LAUGHING: Sorry, it's just...

What, Matt sucked me off to get his job?

JAMES LAUGHS You can laugh, James.

But don't underestimate the power of such rumours.

Surely, you don't believe this nonsense.

I'd like to hear it from you.

I did not give Matt his job because he's...

Come on, George, this is ridiculous.

All right.

In spite of the vogue for gay rights sweeping the party,

I didn't actually believe it.

I'm glad to hear it. I know where your tastes really lie.

Sorry, what does that mean?

It means I've seen you at parties. Seen what?

You flirting with pretty girls in summer frocks over the canapes.

You have a wandering eye.

Nothing wrong with that, but watch out for rumours, James.

Rumours? See this as a warning.

A warning about what, for God's sake?

Not to give out research posts in exchange for blowjobs?

I'd spend a bit more time in real Britain if I were you.

You know, the place of boring traditional conservative values,

where your wife, family, constituents live.

I mean it.

Play things with a straight bat.

Some rumours won't go away so easily.

Oh, er, wait till I'm out the door

before sticking up two fingers at me.

DOOR SHUTS

Portman Bright believes that

genetic technology will be invaluable in the war on terror.

I mean, we're way beyond eyeball recognition now.

Do you wanna hear the lobbying code of conduct?

Sorry? About being a... a good corporate citizen.

Out current views on energy legislation,

forging partnerships between the private sector and politicians

to the mutual advantage of both.

I'd love to hear about all of that.

Or Plan B.

We fuck the sales patter off,

send the soft drinks back and get a decent bottle of wine.

Well, I think it might still be part of your sales patter, but...

let's give it a whirl.

Are you reading this as well?

I've always been fascinated by the anti-apartheid struggle. Hm.

Jo? Mm-hm?

I feel a bit bad about all of this.

All of what? Danny. He's really upset about it.

He's lucky he's around to be upset.

But you know what,

he was telling me all about how you put that policy together...

We put it together, actually.

Where is Danny anyway?

I don't really know. Lunch?

You don't have time for long lunch breaks.

I wasn't actually at... Erm...

Oh, hi, is that Mrs Kelly? It's Danny Foster.

You remember we talked about Brandon and his ASBO?

Yeah. How's he doing now?

He mentioned going back to college?

Right.

Right, OK.

That's a pity.

How long?

Two years. I see.

OK, yeah, thanks. You too. Bye, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.

No.

So, how did you get into it all? Politics, I mean.

Well, er, my dad came over here in the 1970s,

and he was just incredibly hard-working, you know,

and struggled with everything

and never asked for any favours from the state.

Started a small rice-importing business

and made sure I went to a good school,

and he instilled a work ethic of rugged individualism in all of us

that made me just realise the utter folly of socialism.

That's not true, is it? Complete bollocks.

THEY LAUGH

No. My dad is lifetime Labour,

although he's so fucking lazy, he usually forgets to vote.

No, he worked in the computer department for the city council.

My brother runs a club in Leicester. Nice.

My sister is usually outraged about something,

so that makes me the Rebel Rebel of the family.

So, what about you? What are your family like?

My... dad died a few years ago.

My mother's a psychological terrorist.

Oh. It's unusual in a mother.

My brother's in politics. This is all true, by the way.

And do you get on - with your brother, I mean?

Er... Get on? I don't know about that.

I've never really thought about it. Er...

He's just the family geek, you know.

WAITER CLEARS THROAT I'm afraid we are now closing.

We're nearly done. Everybody else is gone.

We'll let you know when we'd like the bill, thanks.

So, when do you want your clients to meet James?

Good lunch? Oh, you know.

Lasted a long time.

Mm.

James?

Came back from his meeting with George rather grumpy.

Ha-ha, surprise surprise. When's he back?

No, he's gone back to the farm for the night

to finish something up, he said.

Do you want a coffee?

Mrs Williams? It's Daniel Foster.

Remember, I was doing the research on kids with ASBOs?

Ah, you do remember, good.

Yes, I remember the rum punch.

Well, I couldn't go to work for a week afterwards.

Yeah. Yeah.

How's Patrick?

Receive it. Receive it. There it goes. There it goes.

Come on, come on.

Stop it there, Ben. Stop it there, on the chest.

Come on. Get your leg round it.

Come on. That's it, that's it.

Like you want it, like you want it!

That's it. Go on.

Hey, Patrick! Hey, hey, hey!

I thought you lot just came down,

took what you wanted and then forgot about us!

Well, that's how I prefer it, blud, but not this time.

Lots of changes in your life recently.

Been doing mentoring in pupil referral units,

explaining to the youth-dem what it's like being locked up.

Yeah, that's good. So?

So, your mum says you're finishing your course.

Level 2 NVQ in health and social care.

You want to get into social work, she said.

Nah. Blabbing.

DANNY LAUGHS

Ah, you find it expensive.

I had to bust into a few houses at night to afford the books.

Jokes.

It's an example of what could be achieved with our bond -

what it's all about, really.

So, I was wondering about bringing your MP down

for a photo opportunity with you and your certificate.

Gang member turned do-gooder? You got it.

And who's this opportunity really for?

All of us.

What are you so pleased about?

James Northcote, newest of the new Tories -

meeting set up, mission accomplished.

I seem to remember George Bush saying something similar.

The important thing is that we win the account, right?

Of course.

So we need to hit them with a big charm offensive tonight. What?

Alex and Sally from Portman Bright's PR department

have arrived in London,

and we're taking them out tonight. Tonight?

Yep. Aren't you knackered after the other night?

No.

I keep telling you,

a trip to the gym, and your right as rain again.

We don't all have your appetite or stamina.

Come on!

We'll pick up some gear, keep us going, it'll be a laugh.

The bottom line is, we're in this together,

so let's nail the fucker.

THEY GIGGLE

Right, let's go some place else.

Got a private member's bar, Jake?

No. Oh.

I have several. HE SCOFFS

They actually fight for my name on the membership

because it's synonymous with...

..giving the bouncer something to do at the end of the night.

THEY LAUGH

Where Jake goes, the beautiful crazy people follow.

I am the Pied Piper of the party crowd.

Well, quick toot first?

They're off their heads. They're all right.

Come on, show a little faith. There's magic in the night.

Look, how would you feel if I bailed now?

What? It's early, no way. Come on, mate.

This is your department.

I've said I'd pull the meetings, give us a break.

Who is it? Sophie.

Go on then. Fuck off. HE CHUCKLES

Mind and tell old Truly Scrumptious there's a threesome on the cards

if I get back at a decent time. Oh, I'll definitely do that.

Especially with it being so likely.

I've got some reports to write for the morning.

But I'm gonna leave you in my colleague's capable hands, though.

Shouldn't you still be out partying with your prospective clients, then?

God, no.

I don't want them remembering what I was like at 6:00 in the morning.

What about keeping an eye on Jake?

I didn't ask him to hold my hand

while I was out sorting out meetings for them.

No, that was my job.

How did you get on with James Northcote today?

I met his advisor instead, Ashika Chandirimani.

Oh.

And what did you make of her?

Yeah, she seemed OK.

Ambitious girl.

She'll never get on in politics, then (!)

Chin, chin. And she's pretty.

Not really my type. BEEPING

SHE CHUCKLES

Glum. It's what?

It's my little brother.

Just back from a couple months in Cape Town.

Why do posh people always have silly nicknames?

SHE SCOFFS Darling.

Why do we happily eat food past its sell-by date?

Why do we despise central heating?

And why...

..do we so enjoy fucking men who are not our social equal?

BIG BEN CHIMES

Morning.

How was lunch with the lobbyists yesterday?

Fine.

What did you make of him?

Who? Scott Foster, of course.

Yeah, I think he has some interesting prospective clients

you should meet.

I've pencilled a lunch into your diary for next week.

You all right?

Sorry, what happened to, "Make it up to you tonight"?

I know. I'm sorry.

I did leave him an email.

Yeah, I saw that.

Good.

The thing is I need to spend

a little more time on Famille this week.

Because saying it in French makes it less annoying?

We should be careful, that's all.

What's happened?

George must have said something. Not in so many words, no.

You're gonna go back this weekend as well?

There must be some of your crowd to go out with.

Oh, cos that's not condescending (!)

Ashika, this place is like a goldfish bowl.

Sometimes, we just have to protect ourselves.

But who are you really protecting?

Both of us.

Right, so this kid has some time in Felton for street robberies,

now he wants to be a social worker. I mean, he's perfect.

Poacher turned gamekeeper... Door.

Where would it be?

Outside his college seems the best place.

I mean, he's a great example

of why you need the carrot as well as the stick.

Yes, I have understood the point of doing it.

Yeah, took a bit of legwork to find him.

All right, set it up.

How's it going?

Yeah, I think things are thawing out a bit at last.

That's good. Can you have a look at this for me?

Er, what is it?

It's my report on the book Jo asked me to read.

It's about ten pages long.

Yeah, I wanted to be thorough. She'll hate that.

Hasn't got time to wade through reams of stuff.

Right.

OK, you can cut this. Mm.

And this.

And this.

HE GIGGLES

SHE GIGGLES

Well, what is it?

Well, I don't think Bob Simpson wanted you

to come to that conclusion about community empowerment.

You think I should take it out?

No, leave it.

Erm, Jo likes a strong opinion.

Well done, guys. That's a big feather in our cap.

It's definite.

Well, a few Is to cross and Ts to dot,

but Bill Greening's been on the phone.

Hmm, Bill, now, is it?

Mm, excited about meeting all these politicians,

so well done, Scott.

And his team gave you a glowing report, Jake.

I don't want to know what you got up to

in your little foray into the fleshpots of London,

but there's certainly a growing Jake fan club up there.

Fleshpots? Well, you know me.

A bottle of wine, March of the Penguins -

that's my idea of a wild night these days.

Anyway,

that brings me to a tricky subject.

Who's going to manage the account?

In the end,

I decided to let the clients have a say in the matter.

Now, I don't want you to see this as a reflection of how I see you.

Together, you are more than the sum of your parts,

and you will both play an active role

in dealing with Portman Bright.

But...

..they want Scott to manage the account.

He's public affairs specialist,

and Greening's quite big on that side of things.

Well done, mate.

Are you all right with that, Jake?

Yeah, of course.

Safe pair of hands trumps unpredictable brilliance,

I've always known that. Good man.

DANNY: Portcullis House? Yeah, that's fine.

OK, yeah.

Yeah, bye.

I've just bought the cab

to take us to the reception at South Africa House.

Have you got the local press sorted out yet

for this photo op you mentioned?

Yeah, the Gazette will definitely be there.

I'm waiting for London Tonight to get back to me.

No point going to a party

when you've got your plate full with all of that.

But this...

It's been planned for weeks. We've talked about it.

The South African president will be there.

Give your invitation to Kirsty. What?

Oh, no, Jo.

I've got nothing to wear!

Then, I'll go by myself.

It's up to you whether you waste the invitation, Kirsty.

Danny? Just go.

You sure? I know how much it means to you.

Yeah, so does she.

Then...

I can hardly sit in a taxi with her after that.

And I just find it so inspiring -

the way in which Mandela challenged the South African government

but never once abandoned his belief in non-violence.

He did, actually.

What?

The ANC adopted a military response to apartheid

in 1961. Oh.

Mandela was the head of their armed wing.

Maybe you're thinking of Martin Luther King.

No, of course not!

It's just...

..I haven't got to that bit yet.

LOCK CLICKS, DOOR OPENS

You all right? Yep.

Yeah, I'm fine.

There's a party at the Cheeky Monkey tonight.

We could go to the pub first for a couple of looseners.

You could celebrate your promotion. It's not really a promotion.

Yeah, it is.

I think I'll give the party a miss, actually.

After all...

..I've probably been overdoing it a bit recently.

You're not saying... No.

No.

You got it just right, didn't you?

Just the right balance.

Second place is first loser, and all that.

It's not about that. Isn't it?

Revel in your victory, mate. This is what it's all about.

I've come to see you because I'm gonna leave my job.

I see.

Who are you?

Danny Foster,

Jo Porter's researcher.

Well, I don't want to seem rude,

but difficult as things are at the moment,

I think both Jo and the party

can survive the departure of a researcher.

Erm, the good behaviour bond...

Made a dog's dinner of that one.

Well, yeah... They were right about it being a bribe in a way.

Er, no, they weren't. Not in any way. That's rubbish.

Rubbish? It's not a bribe.

We need to recognise how much it takes

for someone to change their life like that.

It shouldn't seem as if our only ideas are about punishment.

Did you come to resign or make a speech?

There was some unfair stuff said about Jo afterwards,

and it wasn't her fault.

The Tories had prior knowledge of the speech.

Prior knowledge?

Yeah, erm...

I left a folder containing our research

and a copy of her speech in a pub toilet.

Well, that was certainly stupid.

Yeah. Telling me this isn't that smart either, you know.

Once it gets out, there's no MP who'll touch you.

I think Jo's a brilliant minister.

I believe in what she stands for,

and I don't want her to be tainted by my mistake.

All right.

Thanks for telling me.

Fucking hell, mate.

Are you sure you've done the right thing?

I thought I could sort it out. I tried, but she just wants

to humiliate me into resigning. Constructive dismissal?

Yes, I think I'll give the industrial tribunal a miss.

So, what are you going to do?

I'm thinking of writing a book

about the importance of fashion in the contemporary rock scene.

HE LAUGHS Why is that funny?

No, no, really. Why is that idea so funny?

You think I couldn't do it, don't you?

What is you tryna say, Scott?

Bloody hell, what a stupid mess.

Yeah... Hey! I'm going to get another drink.

Kirsty, this isn't the report I asked for.

Oh! Oh, give it here, and I'll just...

The 2004 figures are what I need,

and it's all reported crime but excluding sexual offences.

Hi, Jo. Roger.

Could we have a quick word in your office, please?

Listen...

It's OK. You don't need to say anything.

We can take stock after the weekend. Fine.

I'll try to call you.

SHE EXHALES DEEPLY

HE MOUTHS

Well, now, Daniel.

OK, I'm resigning.

Kirsty can be the new researcher.

You appoint my staff as well now, do you?

She's good. Yeah, she is.

What is it?

Kirsty.

What about her?

That's for you to work out.

We're not here to analyse Kirsty.

The South Africa House thing, that was...

Not my finest hour. You knew what it meant to me.

Maybe that's why I did it. Why?

If you want to step up, you've got to grow up, Danny.

We can't afford unnecessary fuck-ups.

That said,

you should have been at the reception.

And Becky mentioned your dad.

Er, London Tonight are going to do a feature on Patrick Williams -

ASBO kid turned social worker.

Good work, and part of the reason

why I'm not going to accept your resignation.

Yeah, but that's what you wanted, isn't it?

It's not your job to try and second-guess me.

That was exactly my job.

You might want to indulge me a little here -

let me carry on deluding myself

that I'm the one that makes the important decisions.

Do you think we can save the bond? Well, it's cheaper than Trident.

I think we'll get it in somewhere.

He'll end up marrying that thing.

EMAIL ALERT

KEYS CLICK

Another busy week in politics draws to a close.

What are you doing tonight?

I'll troll a few Discos, get totally spannered

and try and find a shag, I imagine.

Course. What about you?

An almost complete stranger has just invited me to a party.

Why don't you go? Well, I was going to go home,

down a bottle of wine and have an early night.

Here's a tip - don't.

Early nights are not a good topic of conversation

for Monday morning. EMAIL ALERT

STEREO: 'Enjoy Yourself' by the Specials

# It's later than you think

# Enjoy yourself

# While you're still in the pink

# The years go by... # STEREO: # The years go by... #

HE HUMS # As quickly... #

# As you wink Enjoy yourself... #

# Enjoy yourself It's later than you think... #

You came!

Well, your invitation came at a good moment. I was fed up.

I'm very glad.

Should we just have one here and then make a move?

Looks a bit crowded in there.

So, we'll stay out here.

# Enjoy yourself It's later than you think

# Enjoy yourself While you're still in the pink

# The years go by As quickly as you wink

# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself It's later... #

That is so arrogant. Why?

I'm just saying you're smart, you're funny, you're attractive -

I didn't think Tory would be the fourth leg of the table.

There's nothing left for you lot, Scott.

There's no ideas, no energy, no vision, no force for renewal.

# Enjoy yourselves! #

This can't be your brother.

# Go to school, learn the rules Don't be no faker... #

How you doing, rude boy?

THEY CHUCKLE

Hello, darling. Are you enjoying yourself?

I'm doing OK, thanks, yeah.

You are fucking gorgeous, by the way.

Come on with me, I'll show you a good time.

I'm fine, really. I'm good at that, amn't I?

Now, Scott here, he knows how to have a good time, but not too much.

Not to a vulgar excess.

Come on, mate, you're completely mortal.

Yes. That is my USP.

I buy the party hats.

Come on, come and do a line in the bogs

with me, sweetheart. I'm fine, really.

Oh, OK, you stay with sensible Scott, eh?

First place, second loser. No, that's not right.

Anyway, fuck this. Where's my drink? You should go home, mate.

You've been on it for three days solid.

Yeah, that's right. Go home, like sensible Scott!

# Enjoy yourselves... # You should take him home.

Come on, Wendy, I'll take you back, mate.

Don't call me that, you fucking calculated prick.

ASHIKA SCREAMS

We need an ambulance.

INIDISTINCT CONVERSATION

SCOTT SOBS

No.

HE SOBS

I'm so sorry.

Fuck.

SOBBING CONTINUES

I want my brother. I want Danny. OK.

So, I was wondering about if... if, erm...

Yeah? Maybe next week, we could...

MOBILE RINGS

Hello?

Who?

I've got a cab outside, come on.

Come on, I'll take you home.

It's my fault, Danny.

I should have said something,

told him to take his foot off the pedal.

No, it's not your fault.

He never took his foot off the pedal.

If we hadn't been in all that bullshit competition...

Hey, come on. Let's go home, Scott, come on.

MESSAGE ALERT

You're not coping too well, are you?

Stay on top of your work, and that'll keep you sane.

That girl. What about her?

She's a Tory. Couldn't give a shit.

It's kicking off in Jo's constituency.

See the news this morning?

Bunch of people shouting and interrupting each other -

I prefer music.

Christ, you can be patronising.

Yeah, well, at least I'm not shallow and immoral.

If he had called me down there

because he knew we'd leaked it, would you have protected me, or...?

He didn't know. He couldn't prove a thing.

What do you want to do?

Considering we've both had pretty stressful days.

Well, there are a few things that usually work for me.

More of the cheesy charm? Your sincerity radar is terrible.

Then again, with your political party... Ah, ah.

MUSIC: 'Do You Realize??' by the Flaming Lips

# That happiness makes you cry?

# Do you realise

# Do you realise

# That you have

# The most beautiful face?

# Do you realise? #

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