Original subtitles

A NETFLIX SERIES

-So? -No.

What do you mean, a gay friend?

What we need is a more sensitive guy. Someone with a different point of view.

If we had a gay guy in our group, we'd pick up some of their good traits.

-Or their bad ones. -Evolve, would ya, huh?

Bromosexuality is really all the rage now.

Do what?

The friendship between someone gay and a hetero.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You did your homework.

And you're not gay, are you?

Why would I be gay?

We did wonder a few times, hmm?

Seriously? You talk behind my back?

-We do that to everyone. Relax. -Hey, that's what chicks do. See?

We don't need gay friends.

But why would you all think I'm gay?

Fine then, I'll go. You don't screw your wife anymore.

I do screw her!

But just because I don't spend all day thinking about it doesn't--

Yeah, but you often wear kinda weird dress shirts.

Me? But what's he wearing?

These aren't weird. High-class.

And you never make crude comments. You never talk about ass or tits.

Because I think it's disrespectful. Women aren't just pieces of meat.

And how do you think women talk? You ever heard them talking about us?

When Esther gets with her sister,

they talk about how we're all idiots, not that I'm gay.

Okay, okay, fine.

So still gotta go out and find one.

Ah, this again.

Good morning.

Good morning. Mmm!

I love the smell of that coffee.

How was it last night?

-Good. Very good. And you? -Mm.

Mmm. It was so great.

But I… I just got home now.

But look, I haven't even changed yet.

Oh, yeah? Go on, go on.

-You sure? -Yeah, yeah.

Hmm.

I went to this cool club that my buddy recommended.

There were tons of gorgeous chicks,

and I ordered a… a drink at the bar.

And all of a sudden, I saw this super hot girl,

and she started, like, giving me the eye. Totally.

So this girl, her name was Miriam.

Uh, she came up to me, and we started making out.

Just like that, no intro.

You're serious?

-How naughty. Did she turn you on? -So much, yeah.

-Oh, wow. -And she had these enormous tits, yeah.

-Mmm. -And great ass too.

And dark complexion. Man, she was sexy.

Yes. Yes!

What did you do to her?

I sucked on her tits 'cause they were right there.

-Mmm! -At the bar?

No, no, we went to the bathroom.

-Oh. -Yeah, we were so turned on.

And what'd she do?

Enjoy it. What else would we do? Mmm!

And then?

Tsk. Hey, go on. Don't stop now.

Uh, uh, uh… I put it in.

-Why wait longer? -Oh, yeah? So quick though.

Uh, no.

-Before that I went down on her a little. -Wow.

She had a little strip of pubic hair down there.

-Mmm! -All soft.

And light blonde. Mmm!

Light blonde hair? I thought she was darker.

Uh, well, I thought she was dark-skinned because of the lighting,

but she was just tan from skiing.

-Raúl, you're not making this up, are you? -No, no, no, no.

What was her name again?

-María. -Miriam.

M… Miriam María.

She was Dominican, and they all have two first names, you know.

No, it doesn't work like that.

Stop making up sleazy stories. They don't turn me on at all.

-But I didn't screw anyone. -This isn't what we both agreed to.

Hey, wait a minute. You're pissed because I didn't sleep with anyone?

Because you lied.

Which is exactly what we're trying to avoid. Damn it!

I'm not in the mood now, just so you know.

I don't get it.

Don't let the mirror decide your age. You decide.

And for a super affordable price

with the Sensi Soft Skin Care range of products.

It has everything I need to keep my skin hydrated,

firm, and supple.

EMPLOYMENT OFFICE

Good morning. I'm here to file unemployment.

Which benefits do you want? Unemployment benefits? Contributory?

Uh, I don't know. Just what you get when you…

Have you contributed 160 days or more in the last six years?

Yes, yes, of course, yes.

-So then, contributory. -Oh.

Got your documentation?

Your ID, family records, printed application form,

and business certificate.

Yeah, I think it's all here.

Unemployment card?

What?

Your registration as a jobseeker.

But you… won't I get that from you?

No, no, no. You have to apply through your regional government.

-Why don't they tell us? -Why didn't you inform us?

You could make this easier for people. No one comes here because they want to.

Look, without an unemployment card, I can't register your benefits now.

Listen, I got fired after 12 productive years

as a senior executive in a leading business

in the audiovisual sector.

It's been rough, okay?

It's been really rough.

-You wanna hear my life story? -No, of course not. What do you know?

You civil servants don't have that problem.

You just sit here on your fat lazy asses and suck the government's tits dry.

Excuse me.

What did you just say? He just called me a fat-ass!

-Yes, honey? -Where are you?

Running some errands. And you?

Leaving the salon. Don't forget you've got your hydrocele appointment at one, okay?

I was thinking about whether it's really even worth getting operated on.

Come on, you really have to get this fixed.

It doesn't really bother me though.

Rubén said it only takes a few seconds and it doesn't hurt at all.

Go on. There, there, there. That's it.

That son of a bitch. Yeah, right, "it doesn't hurt at all."

Okay, let's get you to the sofa, honey, okay?

Sir, what happened to you?

-They operated on his scrotum. -Oh, Mary Mother of God!

Daniela, please, no need to share the details with her.

-Good, right there. -I'm fine. I really am.

Patri, you take care of him. I've gotta go.

Where are you going?

To a store opening with Cynthia.

We just have to post a few stories to get all these free clothes.

Okay, then. Have fun, enjoy.

I'll tell you later.

Wow, I LOLed at that stupid chick seeing her boyfriend with the other girl.

Go check out her TikTok.

Sweetie, there are some excellent documentaries on channel two.

Why do you watch this garbage?

What's channel two?

Whatever.

-Dad, just one thing. -No, let me get some rest, please.

Really, I need a break from Tinder. I'm so worn out. I swear.

Just wanted to borrow money.

But okay, relax. I'll go reschedule your date with Tamara.

Tamara?

Yes, or with Julia or Noelia or Mari Jose.

Today you got three matches. Thursdays…

-Awesome. -I don't know, honey.

It's just… it's all just so impersonal, don't you think?

And too easy, you know?

Well, you're the first guy I know for whom easiness was a problem.

It's like buying pre-shelled pistachios. It's like, there's no point, you know?

Warning. Objectifying remark.

-Hmm? -What happened to conquest, huh?

And to… to seduction, what about that?

When have you ever seduced anyone?

Santiago, go and live a little. This is your time right now.

When do you plan on going back to your mother's?

I don't know if it's a midlife crisis, the Covid vaccine,

the 5G, or global warming, but I'm not doing great, girl.

I feel bad. Very bad.

I regret it. I do.

-But I'd fuck him now if I could. -Well, then you don't regret it.

Yes, one side of my brain, yeah.

The other is like, "Call Guillermo. Guillermo this, Guillermo that."

Oh, it's amazing how a good fuck

really changes the way you feel about a guy, right?

I can't live like this, girl.

Because his dick's in my head now.

My marriage is dead. This is the proof.

I have to end it with Luis.

What? Because of one fuck?

But I don't do this kind of thing.

My most daring thing is battling cellulitis.

Don't be so dramatic.

And most importantly, don't be stupid. You have a family.

Don't decide now. The dopamine's coursing through you.

I need a real drink, not this melted ice.

And look, these accidents revitalize sex with your partner.

Still not fucking?

Married for 12 years, two children, two mother-in-laws, and one mortgage?

Come on, it would be a miracle.

It takes guts to cheat on someone.

If you can handle it, then perfect. You've already got a lover.

And, hey, it can be good to switch up your routine.

But if the guilt is gonna eat you up and make you miserable,

well, then forget it.

It is eating me up.

But you've stopped going to the gym, didn't you?

And I just renewed my gym card. Shame to waste it.

You got your money's worth, huh?

-Not going out? -Me?

Two days in a row?

No way, man. No, I feel like staying here and chilling.

-Well, I'll stay in with you. -Hey, no. Hey, no, you go out, my love.

Think I'd leave you alone?

-But don't you have a date? -Yeah, but I'll call and cancel now.

-No way, no way. You go out and have fun. -Mmm.

Go on.

Okay, okay. Mm.

Then tell me about it.

Obsessed with me telling her, my God.

Don't want any complaints, okay?

How many teenagers make dinner for their father?

Hey, honey.

-We can't keep eating like this. -You can't, no. But I don't get fat.

-What's up, dude? -Hey.

Hey, you look bored. Let's go to the bar.

Oh, now? No. I'm eating with my daughter,

who has very lovingly cooked us a frozen pizza tonight.

Okay. Well, let's have a bite first and then go out.

You're serious? I canceled Tamara, and you go out with him?

Who's Tamara?

Oh, no, no. I don't wanna go out, man, really.

Okay, then. Movie time. What's on now?

No. No fucking way. Go on, get out. See you later. Let's go.

-I won't be back late, okay? C'mon. -Mm-hmm.

Don't negotiate. It's your house, man.

Oh, well.

But come on, look at this one. It's awesome.

My psychologist says the same thing.

Salud! Toodles. Mwah!

Hey, what's up, dude?

Hey, what's up? Wanna get a drink? Santi begged me to go out.

-What are you saying? -I'll pass. I'm settled in for the night.

-Don't say we didn't invite you. -Are we on the courts in the morning?

This guy says eight 'cause he has to put in some laundry.

Luis prefers seven, or Esther will yell at him for not making dinner for the kids.

-So you pick. -Hey, do your laundry on Sunday, dude.

It's much cheaper.

All right, seven then. Suck it.

-Are you able to play? -Yeah, I'm fine.

-I'm referring to your balls. -Go on, have fun, bitches.

-Patriarchal comment! -Fuck off.

Hello.

How are you, my love?

Tell Rubén, "not very painful, my ass."

It's as if I had a pit bull chomping on me down there.

-Ow! Oh. Mm. -Mm.

-You been drinking? -Champagne.

So I'd fit in. Take these off me, please.

So, the job wasn't so boring, huh?

Well, look. I just met this coach.

Super interesting. What was her name?

Mónica. Why don't you call her, huh?

You've got the time. It'll be good for you.

-I'm doing fine. I'm reinventing myself. -Hmm.

-Do I look bad? -I'm gonna make something to eat.

I'm hungry.

I haven't eaten anything 'cause I didn't want something stuck between my teeth.

Would you like me to make you dinner?

Well, Patri, I wanna eat something.

I don't know what though.

How about…

Ugh.

Mortadella with olives, Patri?

It was two for one.

But have we ever eaten this here?

Your husband told me to take advantage of the deals.

Mm, yes, okay, but things that are… doesn't matter. I'll go order something.

Miss.

If money's an issue, I don't wanna be a burden.

No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Money isn't an issue, okay?

No, you're not going anywhere, my dear.

Be the last thing I needed.

Don't you worry. Just relax.

If I had to, I'd prostitute myself just to pay you.

Oh, that's so incredibly nice of you. Oh!

Hmm.

She took the mortadella.

Hey, were you waiting for someone?

-Well, we're right here. -So you're not back with Luz?

And what does flirting have to do with love?

Fuck. Check her out.

Huh?

-Who? -The one in red.

Hmm. She's cute.

She's smoking. Go talk to her.

That's ridiculous. No.

-Didn't you notice? -Huh?

She brushed you in passing.

She was just crossing over to the bar.

Hey, if you like her, go and talk to her. Go say hi.

No way. Don't wanna bother her.

Bothering her? It's why they're here.

I came to have a drink with you.

And besides, today's my day off from all those dumb Tinder dates, man, so…

-Look, forget it, I'll go. -I said no, no, no. Hey, no, Raúl!

God damn.

Ulises, put your pajamas on.

-I'm not telling you again. -Take his console.

Only thing that works now.

Do you love me more 'cause I don't do bad things?

No, we love you both the same.

-But that's not fair. -Love is very strange, darling.

-Come on. Here. -Hang on, give me your slippers.

They're bathed and in bed by 21:32.

It's later every day.

Let's see what that idiot posted today.

-Why are you so obsessed with Daniela? -I'm not. I meant it affectionately.

Today I'm going to talk to you about the new Fresh Excess chewing gum.

With fluoride and sugar-free…

-Do you think I look gay? -What? No.

Hmm.

-Why? -No, the guys were talking about it.

And I found it funny.

-They think I look gay. What about you? -Trying to tell me something?

What? No, no, it's that damn Raúl. He just loves messing with everyone.

At first, I'd be shocked, but not that surprised.

What do you mean not surprised?

On one hand, my whole entire marriage would have been a lie,

but on the other, it would explain what's wrong with us now.

-And what's wrong with us now? -What?

-Are you trying to tell me something? -No.

No, no. It's you.

You're asking me all these weird questions.

So you'd be relieved if I were gay?

Listen, let's just go to sleep

'cause this is getting out of hand.

-Esther, I'm not homosexual. -Okay, okay.

And I'm ready to prove it to you right now.

Uh, Luis, just… I don't feel like it right now, to be honest.

Okay, don't want you to have any doubts.

Mine or yours?

Hey, if we're gonna continue this way,

let me know, and I'll stop injecting testosterone.

What do you mean, testosterone?

You need to inject stuff in order to fuck me now?

-No. -And why didn't you tell me this?

To surprise you, but you won't let me.

Are you paying for it through insurance or privately?

Because it must cost a lot.

Seriously? That's what you're worried about?

I'D FUCK YOU RIGHT NOW!

What?

-Dude, what are you doing? -Huh?

-Hey! -Santi, meet Eugenia.

-Hi, hello. -Nice to meet you. Pleasure.

It's just, uh, I… I was going to the restroom,

but then this great tune came on, so I stopped and…

-Hey.! -Sure.

He loves dancing, this guy.

Wow. The jam, right?

OKAY, HON. ENJOY YOUR NIGHT

I know. Didn't know where to hide.

That was the second time, the third, and then they--

-Wanna head out? -Yes, I'm gonna see her back to her place.

-I'll drive you. -No, we'll get a taxi.

-No, no way. I'll drop you off. -No, you… no…

This is me here.

-Mm-hmm. -Now you know where I live.

Well, very nice. Great place, huh?

It's insured against fires, just in case.

-Thank you so much for getting me home. -Come on.

You're such a gentleman. There aren't many of those.

We're going extinct like the brontosaurus.

Uh…

Hey, I'm here.

I left my keys with that snobby valet from the club next door.

Uh, okay, have a good night.

-Uh, you get some rest, Eugenia. -Yeah, yeah.

-Seriously? -You let her get away, man.

No, she didn't get away. I like to take things slowly.

-Cigarette? -No, thank you.

Hey, let's go back.

-No, no, I've got work tomorrow, dude. -What a fucking asshole. What?

Dude, I'm not going home knowing you scored and not me.

God damn, you're a little obsessed with this, Raúl.

Would you like it if Luz did this to you?

Go home, man.

Go home to your girlfriend. You don't know how good you have it.

-Turn or go straight now? -Yes, yes, right here. Turn right here.

This way?

Yes, turn right.

AND THAT ASS ON ALL FOURS

Wait, what's he doing? Don't know if this is the right way.

Just don't cross the white line.

-Lot of honking. -Oh, they honk at you all the time.

-These cars are coming at me! -Oh, God! Ah!

-Turn around! -Turn where? Turn where?

Are you all right? What happened?

I don't know.

Just I… just looked away for a second, and this dumbass…

Esther, a driver's ed car going against traffic…

I can't say we've ever seen that before.

You're the joke of the whole precinct. This isn't normal.

They've renamed it the Kamikaze Driving School.

Well, it's not funny, okay?

What's gotten into you? You seem off recently.

I'm just tired.

I need a vacation.

-You head home, okay? -Okay.

We'll talk later.

Come on.

Can you waive the fine for me, Luis?

What are you wearing?

Hmm? A tiara designed for meditation. If you can clear your mind,

you hear little birds, and you earn points.

Let's see.

You're getting the hang of this, you little artist.

Thank you.

Is there anything you're not advertising, my love?

Wanna try it?

It'd do you good to meditate. You've got time now.

You know, it really depresses me that in order to find peace,

I have to dull my own brain first.

You got a postcard from your parents.

A postcard?

-From his parents. -Thank you, Patricia.

-Let me see. -It's nothing.

They're very bored in Estepona.

-Hey, but let me see it. -No, it's nothing, really.

-It's just something stupid. -Oh, Pedro.

DEAR SON, THANK YOU. YOU'VE MADE YOUR DAD THE HAPPIEST RETIREE

-You bought a boat? -A little boat.

Uh, it looks bigger on the postcard because of the angle.

And how much did that cost you?

Eighty-five thousand.

And 7,500 for the mooring.

But why don't you just tell them you're unemployed, my love?

Because it would kill them.

They'd see my downfall.

Uh, Pedro, we all go through difficult periods

at some point in our lives.

Not me, no. For that, they have my brother.

Uh, okay, but, honey, one thing is not telling them.

Another thing is spending your money on a boat.

What's more ridiculous than a boat?

-My dad loves fishing. -Well, then he can fish sitting on a rock.

My God!

And I have to find out like this?

I'm just saying, would've been better,

maybe, I don't know, if you checked in with me first.

It's my family. It's my money. I just don't see why I have to tell you.

Well, honey, in case you start losing your mind a little.

I don't know, you know, communication.

Now I know why you're being stingy with the groceries.

Uh, no, that's just Patricia.

I don't know what's gotten into her with those deals.

I was trying to save.

-Because the gentleman lost his job. -Oh!

So you told her?

I had to tell her because she was gonna leave, gonna quit.

Sure, and since the only hobby you seem

to have is psychologically abusing the maid, well--

So, I'm the one who needs to communicate more, and you overdo it.

Okay, fine, Pedro.

At least it's clear the most important thing is not paying off the mortgage

but keeping up this illusion.

I just think it's weird walking around looking for a gay guy.

They'll think we're out here trying to score.

Cut it out with the stereotype of the promiscuous homosexual.

Come on, Luis.

You know, some of them are just looking for new friends, huh?

I'm a police officer. I can't be seen doing this.

What, like there aren't any gay police officers?

Isn't that Luz?

Yeah, she's going with some guy.

-Isn't she back with Raúl? -Yeah, yeah.

Well, it must be a meeting.

Or not.

How long have they been in there?

-We gotta tell Raúl. -Best to not get involved in these things.

Well, I would've liked someone to tell me that.

That Blanca was cheating on me with our kid's dentist.

We thought about it, but we voted and chose no.

You knew that? What kind of friends are you? My God.

Friends who didn't wanna hurt you.

Well, I'm definitely gonna go tell Raúl.

-He's probably someone from work. -Yeah. So he takes her to a hotel?

To get a coffee.

No, you'd go to a café. It's much cheaper.

And plus, I didn't see her very well. Maybe it wasn't Luz.

She was standing in the shade. I wasn't sure.

And what if Esther was cheating on you?

Esther cheating?

No, can't imagine it, no.

Wouldn't you like to know?

Don't think so.

Luis, you can't go through life like this.

Stop injecting testosterone. It doesn't do anything.

-More coffee? -Yes.

Excuse me, can I get two coffees, same as before?

Can you remind me your last order, please?

One decaf with brown sugar and very cold oat milk,

and a double flat white with saccharine and warm lactose-free milk, please.

So, plain coffee, huh?

Yes, one for me and for my friend there.

You together?

Huh? No, no. Friends, we're just friends.

-Nothing wrong if you were. -No, there's nothing wrong with being gay.

But I'm just not.

Aww, sorry. My radar was way off.

Are you?

-Very much so. -Oh, well, you don't look like it.

Uh, I mean, I'm sorry if I say something inappropriate.

-But it's the first time I've been-- -Hit on by a guy.

And I realized it was happening, sure.

Well, then, you've befriended a gay guy.

-Diego. -Uh, Luis. Nice to meet you.

Uh…

It's funny though, because you're exactly what my friend Santi's looking for.

Eh, not my type, no.

No, no, as a friend though.

Someone to hang out with, to join our group of buddies.

Look, not sure what you're up to, but I'm down.

I like guys who are heteroflexible.

Of course, of course.

Why don't we exchange numbers? Gonna bring this to my friend now.

-Okay, I'll wait here. -Hmm.

-Santi, we found our gay guy. -Huh?

Diego.

He's discreet and elegant.

Hit on me at the bar. But it was classy.

-That guy there? -That guy, yeah.

He called me heteroflexible, but I don't know what that means.

Oh, shit.

-I can ask Álex, okay? -Mm-hmm.

There they are. They're leaving.

They're leaving, no fucking way. Hmm! Is that Luz, or is that Luz?

-Yeah, it's Luz. Clearly, it's Luz. -Yeah.

Two hours drinking coffee. That's quite a while.

It's because it's hot. They gotta cool it down first.

Fine, you're right. Yeah, they're doing it.

I can't believe it, really.

Fuck.

Holy shit. What is he doing here?

Well, he already found out. One less problem.

Look, Guillermo, I can't keep doing this.

I have one life, and I almost lost it today.

Maybe for you, it's normal to seduce clients.

-This is all too much for me. -Come on, try running.

I don't wanna complicate your life, nor complicate my own. You understand?

But what's wrong? What, are you in love?

Me? No way. That's not at all what I said.

-And you? -A little bit, yes.

Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

It should be you.

No, no, no, it should be you. She likes you more.

What? Who told you that?

No one. But you know, it's clear.

Why are you here?

-Uh, no, uh, we were just passing by. -Hmm.

And how are you doing?

-Me? Fine. -Hmm.

-Hmm-hmm. -Hmm.

I've got a court hearing now. I'm in a hurry.

And how are you and Raúl?

Better than ever. Why?

Uh, Luz, we just saw you making out with… with some guy.

Right outside a hotel. There in broad daylight.

Oh. Yes.

Yes. Yeah, and…?

What's does she mean?

Well, and Raúl was following you. He saw you too.

What? That guy's such a dumbass!

You're cheating on him. It's no surprise he's following you.

Not cheating on him, no.

We're actually open now.

What do you mean you're open now?

I'm gonna kill him!

Open relationship? People really do that?

Who in their right mind sends a postcard in the 21st century?

Your parents.

Uh, dude, Daniela's kind of right. You really screwed up, you know.

I don't wanna disappoint my parents. That so hard to understand?

You should be sorry about disappointing Daniela. She's the one you're living with.

Are the two of you the biggest morons in the world?

-Why'd you tell Luz I was following her? -We confronted her. She got pissed.

See, you should've also told these guys.

-So you knew? -I did.

Why'd you tell him and not us?

Because he's his best friend, I told you so, right?

You're closer to him than us?

-No, no, I love you guys all the same. -That's…

That's a lie. I can't believe this shit. I honestly can't believe, my God!

-Is this really happening right now? -Yeah, the two of you deserve each other.

-Santi, wait up. -No.

-Wait! -I said no!

Well, then, let's warm up, just the two of us.

-You gonna play like that? -Yeah, man, I just need to warm up.

Nah, he's gone.

Look, we're not playing.

With all this physical and mental pain, we're fucked now.

I can do it. Get over there!

Hope he gets over soon, 'cause we're meeting up with Diego.

-Who's Diego? -Our new gay friend.

Daniela?

-Hey. How are you? Was it hard to play? -No, I played fine.

-Hmm. -So, hey.

I wanna apologize about my parents. You were right.

No, no, no, no. Honey, it's no problem.

I know you adore them, and giving them a boat was beautiful.

Suicidal but beautiful.

It's just they look so old.

-I'm worried that… -Um…

I also have a little gift for you, dear.

-What is this? -Open it.

Use it for whatever.

I've been living off you for such a long time,

and now that I'm earning money and you're not,

well, it's a way of making up for it.

Yeah, but…

No.

I don't feel comfortable.

-Why not? -I don't know.

Well, because I don't.

But it's just like you always said, right? Because you were earning more, so…

Yeah, but it's not…

It's just weird.

Why weird? I don't get it though.

Well, I don't know. I'll keep it, but, well, I'm not gonna use it.

-I already have mine. -Do what you want.

But when you go shopping, stop buying crappy food, please.

-Luis. -What? Fuck, you scared me.

Uh…

-Doesn't Ulises have judo? -Uh, he's getting a ride with Adrián.

Hey, uh, I really need to talk to you.

-Come here. -Uh, no, I'll go first.

I wanna tell you something very important.

-Mine is also important, darling. -Please listen to me for a moment, okay?

Look, I know we're going through a rough patch right now.

When we're like this, we lose connection.

So I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the testosterone.

Well, yeah, I saw how expensive it is.

-I saw the charges on the credit card. -Uh-huh.

You could have killed yourself driving today.

But you made a great point. We're both so worn out.

It makes me so sad though.

Well, don't be, because I've sorted everything out.

Open that message.

-What is this? -They're our tickets.

We're going to Paris, you and me, for a romantic weekend.

Look at you. You're like a zombie.

Well, uh, what a cool atmosphere, huh?

Lovely little atmosphere, eh, grandad?

The music's kinda weird, huh?

-Can you tell me why we're here, please? -And me.

So you're not all heteroflexible guys having identity crises?

Heteroflex… damn it!

Damn, I forgot to ask my daughter.

Diego, it's because this smart-ass, uh,

wants you in the group to help us develop our sensitivity.

Hey, so what's "heteroflexible"?

Sorry for ruining your labeling system,

but just because you're gay doesn't mean you're sensitive at all.

Oh, no?

I know some gay guys who are bigger assholes than any hetero.

Why are we here?

So, you… you don't consider yourself, uh,

that way?

Uh, I mean, you don't consider yourself a sensitive guy?

What do you mean by sensitive?

Don't know. Don't look at me.

Did you cry during Bridges of Madison County?

Me?

Do you think Meryl Streep would really date that fat guy dressed as a cowboy,

when she could have Clint Eastwood, really?

That made absolutely no sense, huh? You're so right. He's good, this guy.

The four of you are textbook straight men.

Yes, yeah, absolutely.

You know what you guys need?

A quick intro to the deconstruction of masculinity.

The hell's that?

A course, huh?

No way, man, no. You can cut it out with that.

You deconstruct a sandwich. No one's deconstructing my masculinity.

-Hey, don't be so closed off, Raúl. -I am closed off. Fully closed, dude.

I can't be spending my money on this bullshit right now.

So, you're really gonna put a price on emotional maturity?

Whoa, dude, I'm gonna punch you. Jesus, I liked you more when you were sad.

I don't know. I'll try it, can't do any harm.

See that? Huh?

You're all idiots, each one of you.

You thought you were making a gay friend, and now he's pulled a fast one on you.

Don't get all paranoid. He's a nice guy.

You guys keep playing with fire, you'll be flaming soon enough. Huh?

I'm going home to fuck my girlfriend, with my masculinity intact.

-Well, I doubt that she's home now. -Go fuck yourselves!

Diego is right though. We gotta take that course.

Whatever.