Original subtitles

[birds chirping]

[parrot caws]

[dramatic music plays]

[elephant trumpets]

I've got you now.

That's it, my little misunderstood friend.

Nibble the powdery cinnamon bliss.

[squeaking]

No, your path ends in death.

[woman screaming]

[baby crying, giggling]

[squeaking]

[all grunt]

No!

[grunts]

[squeaking]

You have been saved. No charge.

- [alligator roars] - [screams]

This is certainly an ironic situation

with an apex predator there

and me over here holding this little guy

at the bottom of the food chain and all. Heh.

Hey, Mom. Look what I found.

Ace Irwin Ventura, you get out of that habitat

and away from that man-eating alligator this instant.

Okay.

Stay.

- [alligator roars] - [screams]

[groans]

- How many times have I told you? - A million.

- Visiting me at the zoo... - Is a privilege, not a right.

- This is... - The last time...

I get to come here if I am going...

Gonna behave this way.

I'm serious, Ace.

- You're always serious, Mom. - And do you know why?

Because you're not gonna lose me like you lost Dad.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I don't know why I had to save him, I just did.

It's a mouse, Ace.

That's why we have traps here.

You are not, I repeat, not responsible

for every stray animal in every corner of this planet.

- I'm not? - [Melissa] No.

[squeaking]

Now give me the mouse.

- And the hedgehog. - [sighs]

And the guinea pig.

And the ferret.

[purrs]

- And the toad. Oh, there we go. - [croaking]

What?

Baby gator.

What baby gator?

- Fine, here. - [hisses]

Now you're late for school.

- Let's go. - Hey, what's that?

Ace.

What's going on over here?

[Melissa] Honey, honey, come back here.

- Ace, okay, look. - [Ace] Pong Ping?

The Chinese government has loaned us

Pong Ping and Ting Tang, the world's most famous pandas.

And there's gonna be an unveiling next week. Now, Ace...

I know. I promise, no trying to find missing pets or...

or helping animals or anything.

Even if they're about to get run over.

Okay, that's not what I mean.

And I will try to be normal.

Thank you, A.J.

Now will you please go to school?

Okay.

[school bell ringing]

[Ace] Normal.

Normal. Must be normal.

[boy 1] Hey, Tara, is it true what happened to your pet?

Yeah. I woke up this morning

and my pet rabbit, Mimzy, was totally gone.

Rabbit. Mimzy. Lost.

[girl] Of course we're depressed.

Our skunk's been missing two weeks.

We're emotional wrecks about it.

I will be normal.

My friend Bethany can't find her chinchilla.

[indistinct chatter]

It's an animal-nabbing epidemic.

[Tara] Laura, what about you?

You think that's bad?

The other day, Greeny, my incredibly rare emerald-green koi fish?

Vanished right out of the aquarium.

[screams]

[man on speaker] Your attention, please. I have some sad news.

Mr. Chompers, our beloved swim-team mascot,

has gone missing.

[class groans]

Any student with information

is requested to report to the pool immediately.

Well, he's gone.

Do you know where our mascot is or not?

Well, I wouldn't say I know where he is.

But you know who took him?

Not exactly.

But you have some kind of lead?

Define "lead."

Forget this loser.

No, wait. I can find him.

What makes you think that?

I just know I can.

Ooh, what are you, some kind of pet...

finder guy?

[girls all laugh]

Just give me four days. What do you got to lose?

You got 72 hours.

Okay. Seventy-two hours. That's like two weeks.

That's great.

[Datarock's "Fa Fa Fa" playing]

[dog barks]

I know what Mom said, but this is important.

She won't find out.

[whimpering]

Now cowboy up, dog,

because we're not just gonna go find Mr. Chompers.

I hear a whole lot of lost pets calling my name.

[bell rings]

♪ I need a shot ♪

♪ I need a shot of ambition ♪

[horns honking]

♪ I need a hit ♪

- That'll do it. - [barks]

This is the busiest intersection in town, Ox.

[tires squeal, car crashes]

Thousands of people will see this.

♪ I need to fix my ignition ♪

Recognize your Mimzy?

- [Tara] No. - Number 3, hop to the right.

- [farts] - [Ace] Uh-oh.

Number 1 just went number two.

Number 4, stop doing that to Number 3.

Would you guys stop multiplying?

Well, how about now?

[scoffs]

Lost hamster, milk for Milton.

Help find Milton. Runaway rodent.

Do a brother solid.

Milk for Milton. Please help find Milton.

I found Milton.

No. Mm-mm.

I didn't find Milton.

Offensive action. Three, two, one.

[both farting]

[squeals]

[coughing]

Now, that's offensive.

Stop toying with our emotions.

That's not Breezy, moron.

[crowd] Skunk!

[crowd screaming]

♪ Fa-fa-fa F-f-f-fa-fa ♪

[screaming]

It's called papering the town, Oxnard.

Very effective method for disseminating information.

[barks]

♪ Ride fast To where I don't care ♪

- [Ox barks] - That's not true.

I treat every one of my missing pets exactly the same,

no matter who they belong to.

Well, here we are, Ox.

Casa de Laura Wilson's house.

The scene of the crime.

[barks]

Sorry, old friend,

now is not the time to tell Laura how I feel.

- [Ox barks] - I am not scared to talk to her.

[Ox growling]

Oh, you think so, huh?

Yeah, well, watch and learn, Puppy Chow.

[knocking on door] We'll find her pet

and then I'll find time to express how I really feel.

Hi, Ace.

Oh, my God, you're pretty!

- What? - [Ox whimpering]

Um, your...Your koi fish,

she's itty-bitty.

Yeah, she sure is.

Much like a grunion.

Stand aside, ma'am.

Clues don't find themselves, you know.

Oxnard, while I'm young?

Crime scene is secure. No sign of any forced entries.

Initial suspects include

the scuba man and the treasure chest.

Remember when I brought her into school

as part of my report on unusual animals?

The next morning, when I woke up, Greeny was gone.

Really?

Case number 349-A-493-20451.

Neptune Alpha Charley Horse.

Missing green koi fish.

Answers to Greeny.

Question: Have you tried calling her?

- Calling her? She's a fish. - [stammers]

May I?

Sure.

[gargling loudly]

Well, she's gone.

Yeah.

Owner is one Laura Wilson.

Smart. Funny. Great listener.

[sniffs] Excellent personal hygiene.

A smile that'll make you feel like pudding inside

and skin like peaches and cream,

except for maybe this one spot on her perfectly formed chin.

Possibly a pimple?

- A pimple? Where? - Oh...

- [whines, barks] - ...I'm such an idiot.

No one asked you. Uh...

Um, Oxnard and I must be, uh, going now.

Anyway, your lovable collection of aquatic friends

will have their emerald companion back in, um...

- [clock ticks, dings] - ...three days.

- Really? - I promise.

You broke your promise.

- What did I tell you? - That I'm not responsible

for the well-being of every stray animal in every corner of the planet.

But, Mom, I had to.

Do you think I like scooping poop all day? I don't.

I got this job so that you could see animals as much as you want

whenever you want, safely and with complete supervision.

Yeah, but it's not the same, okay?

I-I wanna find lost animals. I-I love it.

Okay, I tried every other extracurricular activity

you wanted me to and I mastered them all.

[Border Ruffians' "Who's the Man" playing]

[whistle blows]

What?

[singing]

[feedback screeches]

Next.

[blows whistle]

[blows whistle]

Bananas.

P-R-E-T-T-Y. Pretty.

[man] That is correct.

Your word is "antidisestablishmentarianism."

P-R-E-T-T-Y. Pretty.

[buzzer buzzes]

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

- ♪ Who's the man? ♪ - ♪ Who's the man? ♪

- ♪ Oh, who's the man? ♪ - ♪ Who's the man? ♪

♪ Who the hell? ♪

[sniffing]

♪ That's what I thought, yeah ♪

♪ Who's the man? ♪

This was a dumb idea. [Ace splashes]

[screaming]

Okay, maybe I didn't master all of them,

but maybe athletics aren't my calling.

Wait, was Dad an athlete? A good speller? An entertainer?

This is not about your dad. We'll talk about him another time.

Mom, you always say that.

I'm not ready for that talk yet. We can have it when you're older.

- [belches] - I am older, Mom. I'm 12 years old

and I'm starting to have weird feelings

and I don't have Dad for "that talk."

Honey, everybody your age has those feelings.

No, Mom. [slurping]

Not these feelings.

That's it. You are not eating out of a dog bowl.

You are not sticking your head out of a car window.

And use the toilet for something other than drinking.

You're gonna be like other kids.

- But, Mom, this is who I am. - No, it's not.

It's who you're acting like.

[panda bleating]

[panda bleating]

[howling]

[whimpering and growling]

- Hmm? - [whimpering]

Hmm.

[whimpering]

[farts]

[spits]

[Ox whimpering]

[gasps]

[Ox growls]

Oh.

[yawning]

[Melissa] Morning.

Good morning, Mom.

Hey, what's with that hat on?

- What hat? - Ace.

It's what all the kids are doing.

You said you wanted me to be like them so here you go.

[Ox barks]

Not at the table.

[Ox panting]

Mom. Mom, the cereal.

- Oh, my God. - What?

- It's happening. - What is it?

[man 1] Come out with your hands up.

- [shrieks] - [guns cocking]

[Ox barking]

Don't move.

- Melissa Ventura? - Yeah.

Oh, wow, one more punch and you get a free yogurt.

[clears throat]

[Ace] "The Cinnamon Hippo"?

Is that like Chuck E. Cheese?

Never mind that. Russell Hollander, NBFW.

National Bureau of Fish and Wildlife.

Smart kid. I'm in charge here.

Do you have any idea how often they let

a member of Fish and Wildlife lead a SWAT team?

Yeah. Never.

You guys don't even get badges. You wear patches.

Give me that. Try that again, I'll have you arrested

- for assaulting a federal officer. - Okay, fine, jeez.

But technically, police dogs outrank you.

[man 2] Ranger Hollander?

- They're towing your car, sir. - Again?

[Melissa] Wait. Can't you tell us what you're looking for?

[Hollander] Your case is the biggest in service history.

They're calling guys back from Alaska for this.

Playing dumb is not gonna work.

You left a lot of evidence at the crime scene, Ventura.

We found your shoe prints all over the place.

In English, Ranger Smith?

- Ting Tang has been stolen. - [GASPS]

Mom works for the zoo. Of course her footprints were there.

Your bank accounts show you've been living paycheck-to-paycheck.

I suspect the panda cub brings big bucks on the black market, huh?

[man] We found something, sir.

[siren chirps]

Oh. Look at this.

Your ransom note?

[Melissa] Somebody sent that to us.

I don't even know what that means.

- And this. - [Melissa gasps]

A tranquilizer gun.

Sir, your finger...

- prints. - Recently fired.

Aah! They give us all tranquilizer guns.

I used it to sedate a chimpanzee.

Oh, that was actually very funny.

He grabbed ahold of this tourist's leg...

But that's enough, Ace. Uh, Uh...

Melissa Ventura...

you're under arrest.

- What? No, no. - [man] Oh, wait.

Down, boy. Down, boy. Down. Down.

[growling]

[Melissa] It's been a mistake. It's a mistake.

There you go. There we go. We'll sort it all out.

[Ace] Oh, good. It's like chocolate. They're so addictive.

[Melissa] There we go. I know they are.

[indistinct chatter]

Come on.

I am not going anywhere until I can make a call

for someone to stay with my son.

Give her the cell phone.

It'll be all right, Mom. I'll find Ting Tang.

No, you promised.

I don't want you to do anything, Ace.

One call.

Okay, while you walk. While you walk.

I-I'm gonna call his grandfather.

But, Mom, Grandpa's gonna be on a cruise

for another four weeks.

I'm calling your other grandpa.

What other grandpa?

Grandpa...

Ventura.

Huh?

Rex? It's Melissa.

[Rex groaning]

[Rex] Hold on.

[meows]

[Rex groaning]

[Rex] Come on, Spark.

Come on, Spark.

Sorry about that.

Hello, Ace.

Grandpa?

First thing, your mom is fine.

She's gonna have a bail hearing on Friday. You can see her then.

[clearing throat]

Darn hairballs.

What can you do? My cat's on his eighth life.

There are some spots he's simply too old to lick himself.

- [gags] - [clears throat]

Too much information.

Well, Ace, I haven't seen you since you were a baby.

What are you now, 84?

Grandpa, I'm 12.

Right. Dog years.

Eighty-four years old.

I'll bet you're helping animals by now, aren't you?

Come on, show me your office.

Come on, Spark.

Come on, Sparky, here we go.

Thattaboy.

So these are the animals you're trying to find, huh?

Well, I was, but then Mom said it was too dangerous.

Re-e-eally?

[Laura] Hi, Ace.

Ho-ho-ho. You obsess much?

What, about Laura? No, uh, not really.

Sometimes. Maybe. Yeah, I do.

Hey, Grandpa, can I ask you a question?

Sure thing.

What was my dad like?

Well, what did your mom tell you about him?

Nothing. She says that he disappeared

on a business trip when I was a baby

and that I'm too young to know the rest.

Yeah, well, your mom's got good reasons

why she doesn't wanna talk about him.

But can I ask you this?

Have you ever wondered why you keep looking for lost animals?

Because...

Because why?

I don't know.

Because you're a Ventura. Heh.

A Ventura.

[monkey] Ventura.

[Rex] Now, although it took a long time

for our ancestors to develop a kinship with the animal world,

eventually, we won them over.

Even the carnivores.

Down through history, the Ventura line continued.

Including Charles Ventura Darwin.

You know who he was, don't you?

He was the evolution guy, right?

Survival of the least lo-o-oserest.

And did you know a Ventura would never harm an animal?

One of your ancestors, the great Antarctic explorer

Sir Ernest Ventura Shackleton.

Although he and his crew were starving to death

they would not eat a penguin.

Jacques Ventura Cousteau

who invented the scuba suit

so that finally man could commune with his watery brethren.

Fit like a glove.

So you see, Ace Jr.,

the Ventura line has a long and storied career

of animal advocacy, communion and search and rescue.

Well, was my dad like the other Venturas?

Well...Heh-heh.

I've probably said too much already.

But your mom was in trouble

and I thought you needed to know.

So, what you're saying is

is that I should go out and try to find Ting Tang?

I'm not saying anything.

I'm just saying.

S-saying what?

Your Y-chromosome has the Ventura mutation.

You're one of us.

Come on, Sparky.

Um, Grandpa, I'm...

I'm pretty sure h-he's dead.

He's not dead. He's sleeping. Come on.

You hear what he said? My goodness. My goodness.

[Ace grunting]

Hey, if I say over the wall, it's over the wall.

Don't be a maverick. Let's go.

[Ace screams]

Jeez, I didn't know the lunch lady had a night job.

[Hollander] Russell Hollander, NBFW CSI: Orlando.

I like the way that sounds.

I left no stone unturned, no clue undiscovered.

Case closed, Melissa Ventura.

You are guilty.

That guy is one big-time sick monkey, my friend.

[growling]

[clears throat]

Case number 349-A-493-20452.

Alpha Beta Delta Airlines.

Missing panda cub. Answers to Ting Tang.

Or if you speak Panda:

[growling]

On loan from national government.

Country: China.

Crime scene shows no sign of disturbance.

As expected, my mom's shoe prints are everywhere.

And the only other prints are panda...

or are they?

Holy roly-poly.

I knew it.

[Pong Ping roars]

- [gasps] - [grunts]

Hey. Look, Pong Ping, I'm a...I'm a family friend.

I knew your uncle when he was here, uh, Chan Chin.

Or, uh, Bing Bang?

Or Hong Kong?

Wang Chung? Heh.

[grumbling]

You miss your cub?

[grunts]

Yeah, I miss my mom too.

[grunts]

But I found some really important clues while I was here.

[grunts]

I'm not the world's greatest, uh,

pet s-sleuth.

Finder? Investigator? Oh, I don't know. But...

- [grunts] - But I'll try.

- I promise. - [bleating]

[beeping]

Hey, kid. Are you Arnold Plushinski?

Yeah, but call me A Plus. Aah!

[boy] You're dead, Plushinski. I mean it. Move.

Uh-oh. That can't be good.

[girls shriek]

[computer] Proximity alert. Proximity alert.

Give up the gummies, Plushinski, and the horror will end.

Never. Aah!

Excuse me. Yes.

[boy] Move.

[A Plus yelping]

[boy] Move it. Out of the way.

Where is he?

Can't hide the gummies forever, Plushinski.

[girl 1] Hey, what are you doing?

[girl 2] Oh, my God.

- [boy] Where'd he go? - [girl 3] Whatever.

[school bell rings]

Hello? A Plus?

[A Plus] Why are you talking to me?

Who just said that?

[A Plus] No one ever talks to me except bullies.

You're not gonna beat me up, are you?

No. I need your help.

[A Plus] Oh. In here.

[gasps]

[Ace] What the...?

[chuckles] Awesome.

[whispers] Awesome.

Holy cellar dweller, Batman.

This place is...

How did you build this?

This whole place was forgotten about during a renovation,

but I found a way in.

Made my lab.

I can't believe I have a friend,

and I didn't even have to grow him in a petri dish.

[Ace] Oh, my God, those are giant gummy worms.

Hey, sto...!

That's a bully-tracking device. [grunts]

They transmit to my GPS here.

A bully eats a harmless-looking candy and it gets into his digestive tract.

I can track him for up to 18 hours.

Twelve, if he eats chili.

- [groans] - So how can I help you, friend?

Um, I have some, uh, measurements that I need analyzed.

[Ace on recording] These prints are 1.5 millimeters deep

as differentiated from these which are 2.3 millimeters

and these, which are 5 millimeters.

Fascinating, captain.

These measurements clearly indicate

prints made by three very different organisms

weighing approximately 125 pounds,

183.253 pounds and 390 pounds respectively.

So anything else?

How long would it take for you to hack into a website called

"www.PandaFanatic.com"?

We're in like Tolkien.

Here's a picture of the guy who runs the site.

His e-mail address is m.sickinger@penningtoncorp.net.

Pennington Corporation.

That's Pennington Jr.'s father's company.

Oh, he's so cool.

Isn't that the kid who rides to school in the limousine every day?

Yes, and he's extraordinarily popular.

Of all the tables in the cafeteria, his is the furthest away from mine.

[laughs, snorts]

Um, do you mind if I...? If I keep one of these?

- Of course. - Okay.

I'll just...I'll just, um,

be on my way.

I'll be on my way. I will talk to you later.

Really? And you won't even pretend

like I'm not there or give me a swirly?

- No, no. - Awesome.

[whimpers]

[Ace] Grandpa, I'm pretty sure he's dead.

[Rex] No, he's just a good actor.

Dead dogs don't get dinner.

[whimpers]

Oh. All right.

Hard day at the office?

It's...It's just that I found all these clues

to help Mom's case but,

to do that, I had to break my promise to her.

So you're working on a case?

Yeah. You know what they call

those working on cases, don't you?

Yeah, cops.

Face it, Grandpa, I'm just a kid who lied to his mom.

I don't know what to do.

Well, you can start by being who you are.

Who you were born to be.

Now, lying to your mom is one thing,

but lying to yourself, Ace Jr.,

son, that leads to a life of disappointment.

That's not normal.

I will be normal.

Ha.

Hi, this is Pennington Jr. with a very special message just for you.

You're invited to my birthday party. Lucky you.

Yes, I'm invited, I'm invited, I'm invited.

I'm invited!

[crowd cheering]

[stammers] Press.

Perez Ventura. I'm here to interview Pennington Jr.

[grunts] No, not on the list.

[Ace] List? What list? I don't care about no stinking list.

I'm with The, uh... The Daily Rumor Mill.

School paper? Familiar with freedom of the press?

It's in something called the Constitution of the United States.

You should read it sometime.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't tase me, bro.

First Amendment violation. Put me down.

[Pennington] Let him through.

[man] Put him down, boys.

Now that's admissible evidence.

I haven't been humiliated like this

since they started making us shower after P.E.

[groans]

We're on a tight schedule. You got three minutes.

Is that a forest up there?

Man, you gotta clip those nose hairs.

You could make a teddy bear out of that. Wow.

Clean up Bigfoot here real nice.

We Penningtons pride ourselves on good relations with the press

but the invitations have already been recorded.

- There's nothing I can do. - [man] Waiter? Lunch.

Please, take this pass.

It will get you into the school gymnasium

on the day of the party,

where we'll be webcasting the whole thing.

It'll make headlines.

Oh, that's terrific, sport. Here's a few for you:

"Billionaire Boy in Liposuction Incident."

Or "I Had Pennington Jr.'s Alien Love Baby."

I'm great with Photoshop.

You're threatening invade my privacy and blackmail me

unless I give you information.

I'm the paparazzi. It's what I do.

But I will get off your back if you tell me about this guy.

Dr. Michael Sickinger. A brilliant scientist

who worked for our animal genetics laboratory.

He's one of the finest.

Indubitably.

Unfortunately, he's quite insane.

Incontinently.

He harbors a bizarre hatred for panda bears.

Incomprehensibly. Does he still work for your father?

Oh, no. We fired him just a few weeks ago.

I believe he's now the chief of non-telegenic species research

- at the Dinosaur Fossils Foundation. - [shutter clicking]

What?

I don't know what it means either.

- You'll have to ask him yourself. - Oh, I will.

[shutter clicking]

Bye-bye, then. Every shot I take, a Picasso.

[sighs]

No touching the camera.

- Where's my rabbit, loser? - Nice to see you too, Tara.

You were supposed to find Breezy a week ago.

You owe us for the extra therapy session.

I can't comment on an ongoing investigation.

Aah! Holy magenta, you guys look like a box of crayons.

Why do you guys always travel in a flock?

[Ace] Ladies, is this really necessary?

Can't we talk this over like civilized adults?

You can, uh, IM me and I'll text you back.

You said I had 72 hours!

You've had eight days.

Two kinds of people:

People that pee in the pool and people who lie about it.

Find Mr. Chompers or you go swimming again tomorrow.

[school bell ringing]

[both laughing]

[mimicking]

What?

Get to class, Ventura.

[mimicking]

I gotta break into Dr. Sickinger's office

at the museum so you can upload his hard drive.

[A Plus] Oh, I can only do that in my lab.

[footsteps approaching]

Would you get out of there? Come on, the coast is clear.

Sounds like a three-man job. Hey, uh, why are you all wet...?

[speaking gibberish]

With the wet, okay?

About the three-man job...

I know someone.

But it's gonna take all my power of persuasion

to convince this beautiful animal lover to commit a level-five felony.

Please help me break into the Dinosaur Fossil Foundation

so we can stop the guy who stole Ting Tang

and save my mom before she's sent to prison.

[gasps]

Um, okay.

- Really? - Yeah.

Are those from my mom's garden?

Nah. [Ox barks]

Shut up.

Right this way, folks. Stick together.

Okay.

You are all in for a very special treat.

The rarest, most complete Tyrannosaurus skeleton in existence.

It has an estimated value of $100 million.

Uh-huh.

Do not touch it.

A hundred million dollars?

You want your koi fish back, you're hot or not.

Don't worry, this plan is gravy.

Everybody, stay close. We're on a tight schedule.

Aw, T. rex, cool.

[man] I'm sorry, sir.

No pets allowed.

He's my Seeing Eye dog.

He's facing backwards.

And you're not blind.

I can see again. I can see. It's a miracle. It's a miracle.

- Sir. I mean it, you... - [stammers] Fine.

I'll take him off.

[man] Ha. I'm so sorry about all this.

[barks]

[growling]

Make him stop doing that. He's a dog, it's a bone.

Do the math.

Wha...?

Oh. Oh, jeez.

Oxnard Hueneme Carpinteria Ventura,

you get back here right now.

Sir, that is a priceless skeleton unearthed in the badlands of...

[Ace] Oh, please. This thing's lasted millions of years.

It's going to survive a little doggy love nibble.

[rumbling]

Maybe not.

Oh, my!

Okay. Okay, I told you it would work.

Now...Now go. I'll meet you in the Dinosaur Cavern. Go.

[gasping]

Security!

[guard] You seen a kid come out here?

Why are you guys standing around?

Come on, let's go. Come on.

[screams]

- A plus, are you there? - [A Plus] Affirmative.

Oh, this is so cool. Now I have two friends.

Let's start a band. You play an instrument?

I used to play the bagpipes,

but my legs are too skinny for a kilt.

Come on. I'm in the office, and it's really freaky in here.

Tell me what to do.

[groaning]

- [man 1] Don't let him get away. - [man 2] Over here.

[guard] Bring backup. That's him.

[screams]

[screams, grunts]

Ha!

[beeping]

Okay, your program's running.

[A Plus] Oh, one other thing.

What?

In my instant messenger,

can I move you from contacts to buddies?

No.

- Can I put you on my Fave 5? - No.

- Myspace add? - Denied.

[A Plus] But we're friends now, right?

Sure, A Plus. We're friends.

And you're a girl, right?

Duh.

So I can call you my girlfriend, right?

Ew. Not.

Fine, be that way.

[guard 1] There he goes, there he goes.

Get out of my way, get out of my way. No, I'm going first.

[all grunt]

[guard 1] You...

Okay, it's finished.

[guard 1] He's over there.

Beep, beep.

Copy that.

Come here.

[guards groaning]

Aah! Jeez, with the sneaking up on me, okay?

Mission accomplished. Where's Ox?

Well, I don't know, he's a lone wolf.

- You're putting that bone back. - Fine, I will.

- [guard] All right, he's in the tunnel. - Let's go.

[guard] Let's go. This way.

[guards grunting, panting]

[yelps]

- [guard 1] Stay where you are. - [guard 2] Come on.

[guard 3] Fan out.

Do you Heely?

[Zebrahead's "Anthem" playing]

[guard 3] Right.

♪ Only she don't know it yet ♪

- Shall we? - Let's do.

♪ Get up, get up Let the good times roll ♪

Fun time's over.

♪ Take my heart and my soul ♪

♪ Get up, get up ♪

♪ Let the good times roll ♪

♪ On and on and on And on ♪

♪ Feel like everybody else ♪

♪ Just needs to see Through different eyes ♪

♪ From the outside Looking in ♪

♪ We shout the anthem Of our lives ♪

♪ Just like everybody else ♪

♪ I feel the pain...♪

[Ace] Go.

♪ But I'll fight To the bitter end ♪

Hey, that's my girl.

Ha. Got you.

- [grunts] - [groans]

[Ace] Ha-ha. Got you.

[whistles]

Vamanos!

[Laura] You're not gonna let him keep that.

[Ace] I'll put it back later.

Hey, good job, Ox.

[guard 1] Where are the kids? What's this?

Where did they go? Which way?

- What? Bunch of idiots. - Oh, man.

[all groaning]

[Hollander] Her financial situation is dire,

and, as the bears' keeper,

she has ready access to the panda house at any time.

The agency's skilled forensics team has concluded

that the only fresh footprints at the crime scene

belong to Mrs. Ventura.

I object.

Excuse me.

Who are you?

Ace Ventura Darrow Hutz Junior, Esquire

of the following law firms, one minute.

"Dewey, Fleeceum and Grab, Wiley, Little and Weasel,

Shakem, Down and Hard, Cheap, Ambulance and Chaser.

Imontha Take and Lovitt, Ben Dover and Grunt

and the non-profit Mater Innocentus."

My mom is innocent. Your Honor, I represent the defendant.

Your Honor, this is ridiculous.

He's a 12-year-old behavioral case

and the defendant's son. He can't...

This a bail hearing. Character is pertinent.

Continue, young man.

Ow. That must've hurt and it's only gonna get worse.

Pay attention.

- Thank you, paralegal Laura. - [Laura] You're very welcome.

[grunting]

[Ace farts]

Oh, come on, Your Honor.

[Ace] Pardon me, Your Honor. My bad.

[all murmuring]

Thank you, pretty paralegal Laura.

[Laura] You're welcome, Mr. Esquire.

Come on, boys.

[crowd continues murmuring]

Drop it. Ungh! Okay. I'm good, I'm good.

[grunting]

The only footprints that Agent Hollander and his personal CSI...

Complete Stupid Idiots. ...found at the scene were...

Okay. Okay, a little help.

It's getting really heavy, bailiffs. Please!

[gasps, breathing heavily]

And let me remind you, you're under oath!

Actually, I'm not.

I want the truth! You can't handle the truth!

Be seated, you maggot, immediately if not sooner!

[panting]

[barks]

Anyway, the only footprints that Ranger Blockhead found in the habitat

besides my mom's shoeprints were panda prints.

The average panda weighs 352 pounds

with a body mass index of 21.34.

At over 5 feet in length,

the panda has slightly offset weight distribution.

They use a thumb-like modified sesamoid bone for stability.

And they create a 5-millimeter deep footprint.

But, as you can see, these are 2.3-millimeter deep footprints

that I just created by adding 75 pounds to my weight.

A man weighing 183 pounds

would establish a print depth of 2.3 millimeters.

We are looking for a 183-pound man, not a...

- Mom, how much do you weigh? - A hundred and ten.

- You wanna be free or not? - Uh, 135.

...hundred and thirty-five-pound woman.

If the footprints don't fit, you must acquit.

[audience clapping]

- Order! Order. - [Ace] Thank you, thank you.

It's Ventura with a V as in victory.

I plead for acquittal, Your Honor.

Game, set, match. Cut, print, moving on and scene.

Let me get this straight.

You trespassed on a federal crime scene.

Or you're just making all this up.

[scoffing]

- Um, well... - Mm-hm.

It's a hypothesis.

A theory, if you will.

Well, that's terrific, tiger.

But right now the grownups have to send your mommy to jail

unless, uh, someone else wants to put on a Halloween costume

and vandalize the courtroom.

[audience laughing]

[Barnes bangs gavel] Order. I'm sorry, young man.

It's an interesting theory,

but this case involves an endangered species,

international relations.

Bail is set at $500,000.

[Ace groans, audience groans]

[Barnes] Melissa Ventura,

you're remanded to the custody of the state of Florida.

[Barnes bangs gavel, Ox whimpers]

[Melissa] Ace, where did you get all that information?

- You promised that you wouldn't. - But Grandpa said that he...

[Melissa] He carries around a dead dog.

It's not dead, it's just sleeping.

I thought I could help solve the case

by finding Ting Tang or something,

but no one believes me. Not even you.

Of course I do. I just don't wanna lose you.

- Like you lost Dad. - Yeah, like I lost Dad.

I realize now that no matter what I say,

you're gonna be who you are.

I want you to know the truth about your dad.

I just didn't talk about him or what he did because I...

I didn't want you to follow in his footsteps.

Well, what happened to him?

He was on a case.

Using an ultralight plane,

he was leading a flock of disabled Canadian snow geese

back to their winter breeding ground in Miami.

[sobbing] They said that he got disoriented,

that he vanished from radar

somewhere over the Bermuda Triangle.

Oh, Ace, oh.

[guard] Time is up, convict, on the bus.

[Melissa] Oh. Oh, I've been saving something for you.

Your father bought this.

He wanted you to have it when you were old enough,

and now you are.

Look up in the attic. You'll find it there.

No, Mom, I promise, I'll be normal.

Be who you are, Ace!

No, Hollander will find the panda-napper.

We'll be a family again.

I love you, Ace!

I love you, Mom.

Ace, I'm so sorry.

So, what do we do now?

Nothing. I'm a loser.

It's over.

Sorry about your koi fish.

Come on, Ox.

Hey, Laura, where the heck is Bermuda?

[Laura] I have no idea.

That's not what I think it is, is it?

I guess.

Your mom gave that to you?

Yeah, but it's not important.

What about the animals?

Animals have never brought me anything but trouble.

I gotta be like everyone else, Grandpa.

You can't.

Well, I will if it kills me.

You'll never be like everyone else 'cause you're one in a million.

Just like your ancestors.

Just like your father.

Eat your own food, Ox.

I've been trying to get you to figure this out,

but I guess I'm just gonna have to come out and say it.

Say what?

The magic word.

Don't you know what you are?

I'm a...I'm a kid, right?

You're more than that.

You're a pet...

detective.

- Like my dad? - Yeah.

Well, what was he like?

Just like you.

And you know,

this thing you threw away?

This is the key to your future.

[gasping]

[whispers] Alrighty, then.

[Tone Loc's "Ace Is In the House" playing]

[Tarzan yell]

♪ Tricks are for kids And men are for tricks ♪

♪ Ace He's the number one pet dick ♪

♪ No need for a fire man When your cat's up a tree ♪

♪ He's the one that you hire Man ♪

♪ Down with the ladies As a lover ♪

♪ Undercover ♪

♪ Yo, tell him where he's at My brothers ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Tell 'em where Ace is at ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

- Nice outfit. - [kids laugh]

Let's talk fashion.

Tara's wearing the latest in the spoiled and shallow collection.

Love the shoes. Hate you.

Ventura, our therapist said for us

to order you to stop inflicting emotional damage on us.

Franken Berry called. Count Chocula wants his wardrobe back.

And the sun's out. Get back in your caskets.

Is there a veterinarian in the house?

Because these are some sick puppies. Aah!

Hey, watch the hair.

Oxnard, I need you!

[barking]

[sighs]

Time for another motivational dunking, dork.

No, but you don't underst...

[barking]

Jeez, next time you're late like that, I'm buying a cat.

[all whimpering]

Tell your dog to back off, Ventura.

Are you crazy? I'm not going near him.

He looks rabid,

and he can smell your fear.

You are Sparta!

[all yelling]

What about our alligator?

I told you I'd find him and I will.

But right now I've got bigger fish to fry.

Oxnard!

[speaking in French]

Muchacho!

Oh, and, uh, sorry about that whole buying-a-cat thing.

Ace?

Ventura Jr.

pet detective.

Um, okay.

What's wrong?

The question, young Laura, is what is right?

The answer: everything.

So you feel like solving that case?

Thought you gave up?

Even Tiger Woods shanks one from time to time.

[as Sean Connery] But the past is past.

Now, A Plus?

Wow. This table is great.

I looked through Sickinger's hard drive.

He's a biological researcher

specializing in non-telegenic

endangered organisms.

In English, Mr. Spock.

He advocates for ugly animals.

He planned a demonstration for like-minded activists

at a publicity stop for a famous feline.

Okay, I didn't understand a word you just said

except for "ugly animals" and "Sickinger."

He's organizing a protest

at Tabby the Tabby's autograph session

at the Animals Actors' studio at Universal, Orlando.

Oh.

Well, looks like we're going on a field trip.

L'chaim!

I'll take a few of these for the road.

Two percent next time.

[A Plus] Field trip? Wait, do I need a permission slip?

[Ace] No, you don't.

[woman] Have a meow-tastic day.

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

Thanks for coming...

There's Sickinger.

[woman] Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day ."

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

[Sickinger] No justice, no peace!

Equal treatment for ugly species!

No justice, no peace!

Equal treatment for ugly species!

Take him down! He's an eco-terrorist!

[guard] Cease and desist immediately or I'll be forced to use this!

Don't even think about moving. Slow down. Just stop.

[Sickinger] Don't Tase me. Don't Tase me, bro.

- [guard] Get him. - No justice, no peace!

No justice, no...

Oh.

[Sickinger coughing]

We shall not be silenced!

Be quiet.

Ugly animals of the world, unite!

- You have nothing to lose... - This guy is crazy.

...but your leashes!

We shall not be silenced!

- [taser buzzes] - Ow.

[woman] Aah! Tabby is gone!

Find Tabby! Tabby's gone!

Yikes, Tabby's been nabbied.

- Tabby! Tabby! - This is bigger than I thought.

Sickinger must be running

some sort of criminal animal-napping network.

Oh, the humanity! Tabby!

I know you don't want to, Ace,

but you better talk to Hollander.

- [woman] Tabby's gone! - Now he'll listen to you.

- You're not listening! - I'm sorry, what? Ha, ha.

Dr. Sickinger. He was creating a distraction

at the Animal Actors stadium when Tabby the Tabby vanished.

This is a major criminal network. We have evidence.

- Tabby the Tabby. - Catnapped.

- Ting Tang. - You know what happened.

Princess.

[Ace] Championship West Highland terrier.

Her Majesty was stolen from an international dog show

- last week. - Freedom the Hawk.

Mascot for the Stars and Stripes Burger Company,

his freedom was taken away when he was stolen last month.

They even took Snuggles, the fabric softening bear.

- They took Snuggles? - Yes.

And?

Sickinger's organization is stealing famous animals.

- Yeah. - Jeez.

You're welcome for solving the case, doing your job.

Need me to wipe your butt for you? I just did.

So when can I get my mom back?

Ten, 20 years, I'd say.

What?

You see, doorstop, a major investigation like this

takes on a life all of its own.

I think your mom's guilty,

and I spent all morning on CNN saying she is.

Her case is putting this agency on the map, look at all the stuff they gave us.

And that's just the beginning. Get this:

CSI: Fish and Wildlife.

Guess who's gonna play me?

- Gumby. - [groans]

I didn't want it to have to come to this, Russell,

- but now it's on. - Aha.

Ha!

Ha!

- Out. - With the pushing.

- Come on, out. - I am gonna get Sickinger,

solve this case, prove my mom's innocent,

and show the world what an idiot you are.

[Hollander] Uh-huh. Nice hair.

[all laughing]

[man] This used to be

the most pristine tyrannosaurus skeleton on Earth,

formerly valued at $100 million.

[Ace] Ahem, how much is it worth now? Ahem.

Substantially less.

Please, do not touch it.

Let's move very carefully to the gift shop.

I don't think it looks that bad.

Here, you put it back.

You put it back.

- [Sickinger] Yes? - Dr. Sickinger, I presume.

[stammering] What? Wait. Uh, Uh...

Who are you?

Ace Ventura Jr., pet detective.

Ha, ha. You're kidding me, right?

Do I look like I'm kidding?

Oh, I get it. Ha.

Young supporters of the cause, yes.

Oh, it's brilliant. Yes, yes.

You're never too young for political mobilization, huh?

We don't wanna join your movement.

Look, buddy, my mom's in jail because of you,

so tell us where the panda is

so we can get him back to the zoo.

If I were going to steal an animal from the zoo,

the panda is the last one I...I'd take.

I don't think you understand.

[guitar twangs]

This is the Madagascan aye-aye.

[groans]

The proboscis monkey.

- Big nose. - Ew.

[Sickinger] Hmph. The Chinese paddlefish.

- Oh. - Ugh.

[Sickinger] The marabou stork.

[quacking]

Yeah, all of them endangered. Yet no one's ever heard of them.

- You know why? - No.

They're hideous.

Ugly.

- Butt ugly, actually. - You got it there.

- [Sickinger] Whoops! Ha, ha. - Ugh.

- Sorry, that one's from vacation. - [retching]

Ace, shoot me now.

Lights, ha, lights. Ahem.

And this has what to do with the panda?

Well, everything.

We put all of these "cute" creatures in zoos

and then we spend insane amounts of money to protect them.

And for what, huh?

[gagging]

I started the PandaFanatic website to, uh...

To, uh, get attention for my, uh, cause.

That's all.

I didn't kidnap Ting Tang

or any of those other animals.

All species of animals, including the ugly ones,

should be treated with the same respect as the cute ones,

like pandas...

I think I just busted this case wide open.

Amigos.

Vamanos!

[tires skid]

I...I have a car.

[Laura] Ace, so, what's going on?

Well, here's the plot up until now.

Our perpetrator is stealing famous animals,

and there's none more famous than Calypso.

He played the hero unicorn in the epic trilogy

they shot in New Zealand.

His owners are doing a benefit magic performance today,

and I got a feeling our thief

is gonna try and steal him there. Punch it.

[tires squealing]

Here's the plan. Doc, you watch the exits. Ox,

you watch doc.

Let's go.

[cooing]

[Ace] Okay, when we get past this, A Plus, Laura, split up.

Whoever finds Calypso, call in.

We'll stake out the perpetrators

and wait for them to reveal themselves.

[audience cheering, applauding]

I've been looking around here all day.

I...I can't find Calypso.

He's right over there.

For my next illusion...

- Ooh, magic show. - [magician] ...I need a volunteer.

[audience] Me, me, me!

[magician] A volunteer, anyone. [Ace] Me. Here. Me.

- [magician] Who wants in the show? - [Ace] Pick me. Me.

- You. How about you? - No, not her.

No, no, no, me. Wanna-be magic man, right here.

- Anyone else? - [Ace] No, me. He-he, me.

Sure, son. Okay, go inspect the box.

You'll see that there are no mirrors.

There are no strings. There are no trap doors.

- What's he doing? - I don't know.

Ace Irwin Ventura Jr., at your service.

[magician] This is as real as it gets.

- Don't worry, you'll be okay. - [magician] This is what I do.

- Are there any back doors? - There are no back doors.

- Are there any mirrors? - No mirrors.

All right, go on.

- Stranger danger. - Thank you. Give him a big hand.

Raise the box.

You won't believe what you're about to see.

Everyone remain calm.

One, two, three!

[audience cheering]

And now close the box.

Raise the box, gentlemen.

I'm a professional, so nobody try this at home.

And now

Calypso.

[audience gasps]

What the...?

- [girl 1] What happened? - [girl 2] My God.

[man] Where's my horse?

Where's Calypso?

- That horse gets 6 million a picture. - Where's Calypso?

- Houdini, I want him back now. - That kid right there.

The volunteer. He must know something.

Me? No. Where would I be keeping a horse that big, in my pocket?

Where's Calypso?

I don't know, your mother's house?

- No, no, he's just joking. - Come on.

- Just get him. - [man] Hey. Hey, kid.

- Where are you going? - [woman] Stop.

- [Ace] Slow down, Simba. - [man] Kid.

[Laura] Ace, Calypso's really gone?

[Ace] Yeah, my plan worked. [A Plus] What plan?

I fed him one of your homing devices.

Strawberry gummy, he loved it. Now he's gonna lead us

to whoever's behind all this treachery.

- [man] Get him. - [woman] Stop. There they are.

[Ace] Doc. Sickinger, start the car.

I think they have rabies!

[indistinct yelling]

Here. Dog. Now. Car, car.

- Seatbelts. - [Ace] Seatbelts?

What, are you kidding me? Let's go.

[Sickinger] Okay, here we go.

Where's my horse?

Oh, they're getting off the highway at Palm Grove.

That's where the rich kids from our school live.

But where exactly?

My invitation.

[mimicking] My invitation.

You're invited to my birthday party...

...this Saturday at 3421 Tropicana Avenue.

Okay, party people, suit up.

Party. I haven't partied since '99.

[Ace] Ox, vamanos.

[barks]

- [Sickinger] Here? - [A Plus] No, wait.

No, up there. Left.

No, no, wait. Straight. Okay, stop. Stop right here.

- [Sickinger] Stop? Stop? - [A Plus] No, no. Stop.

Stop here. Stop. I'm stopping, backseat driver.

All right, Laura and I are going inside.

If we're not back by 3:00, implement...

Plan B.

Synchronize watches. Let's go.

A red carpet? What is this, an awards show?

Where's Joan Rivers when you need her?

Hey, you, make sure no weirdoes get in here.

Talk about filthy stinking rich. Where's the back of the line?

You know where the line is? How's the wife and kids?

- What's the word I'm looking for? - [Laura] It's very regal.

- Exactly. Egomaniacal. - [man] Invitation, please.

- Thank you. - Holy Shaq.

How many puberties have you gone through?

[man] All right.

Thank you. Wear the wristband at all times.

- Whoa. Invite only, kid. - He's my date.

- What, did you lose a bet? - Oh, ha, ha, ha!

You're killing me, Smalls.

How about you pick on somebody your own size?

Like Sasquatch.

- Now band me. - [man] Yeah.

Gray areas are off-limits.

[Ace] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[metal detector beeping]

- [man] Electronic device. - Here.

Don't touchy the hair.

I haven't been treated this badly

since I got sick in a country with socialized medicine.

- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ - ♪ You're like a Rolling Stone ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ - ♪ To take you on your own ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm a look and you've...♪

Ten thousand shares of Exxon stock.

Awesome.

I got a Rolex.

Didn't you bring him a gift?

[Ace] Yeah, I got him the one thing he doesn't have.

- What? - Nothing.

Holy real estate.

♪ The man is in the ocean Set to work it out ♪

♪ Shout ♪

This place probably has its own ZIP code.

We're gonna need an exit visa to get out of here.

[boy] Best party ever. Bananas.

[crowd gasps]

[guard] Out of the way, please. Make room for Mr. Pennington.

- Ooh, it's Mr. Big-Scary-Billionaire-Man. - [guard] Get out of the way.

Pirates of the Caribbean is the other side of town, sport.

Don't touch me.

[guard] Stay back, people. Thank you.

- Out of the way, please. - He's mean.

Young ladies and gentlemen,

may I direct your attention to the sky.

[helicopter whirring]

The Pennington Estate now proudly presents

the moment we've all been waiting for.

Put your hands together,

and welcome my son, Pennington Jr.

[crowd screaming]

Wow.

- [Pennington] Hi, everybody, hi. - Big deal.

Hi, how are you? Great to see you.

Thanks for coming.

- How are we gonna get inside? - Ooh, I know.

Let's crash into the back door

in our million-dollar personal helicopter.

Ace.

- [Pennington] ...glad to be here. - I'm working on it.

[Pennington] Hey, Laura, glad you could make it.

- Hi, how are you? - [crowd continues screaming]

Well, I asked my father for the best party ever,

and, as you can see,

what a Pennington wants, a Pennington gets.

[chuckles]

- So for the next four hours... - I got it. Let's go.

...do not embarrass yourselves

by breaking any of the following rules. Dad?

Gifts in the party bags are not tax deductible.

Do not take any photos.

Anyone found to be outside of the designated areas

will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Have fun, kids.

[Pennington] We'll cut the cake in 45 minutes.

Until then, happy birthday to me.

[crowd cheering]

Ace.

[speaking indistinctly] I'm thinking.

- Down here. - Yeah.

Ow! Watch the hair.

[rustling]

Will you stop spinning? I'm dizzy.

Let's go.

- Ooh, the tunnel of love. - In your dreams, Ace.

How did you know about that?

Oxnard. Big mouth.

I got it.

[Ace] Follow me.

Who's the man? Tss.

They could have seen you.

[sniffing]

Why do you keep doing that?

That's just how I roll, baby.

[sniffing]

If Scooby-Doo has taught me anything,

it's that one of these books will activate a secret door.

[Ace sniffing]

Earthy, sweet,

a strong bouquet of bamboo with a slight infusion of crocus.

Just a touch of wild grass and butt.

I smell panda poop.

Excellent year.

[sniffing]

[continues sniffing]

[screams]

How did you know that?

I'm a meddling kid.

[sniffs deeply, gasps]

Dookie marks the spot. Must be Poo-mas.

Or Jimmy Poo.

The Penningtons think they're smart,

but they're quite "poo-pid."

We've caught them brown-footed.

They really stepped in it.

Okay, Ace, enough with this crap.

Wha...? Oh.

You said crap. You did. Okay, fine, fine.

[dialing, ringing]

[man] National Bureau of Fish and Wildlife.

How can I direct your call?

Oh, yes, um, I have an anonymous tip for Agent Hollander.

Is he currently on duty? Ha, ha.

[watch beeps]

Uh, gum. I need a piece of gum.

Here.

We received a tip instructing us to come to this address.

From whom?

Anonymous.

The tip said that the case of the missing panda cub

- has been solved. - Oof!

You're the one who called in the tip?

That's it, short stack, now you're in big trouble.

No, no, no. He's in big trouble.

We found these shoes in his closet.

It proves that my mom didn't steal the panda.

I think I understand.

This cartoon has taken advantage of my son's hospitality.

He's found some cheap costume store haberdashery,

snuck it in as a birthday gift and planted it in my home.

Now he expects you to believe that I used these

ridiculous things in the commission of a crime?

[laughs]

Yes.

Can you believe this guy? I mean, he's pathetic.

I'm glad I'm not in his shoes.

No pun intended. He's been trying to save his mom

with all sorts of crazy theories.

Get rid of these.

He came by the NBFW command center just the other day.

- National Bureau of Fish and Wildlife? - Yeah.

I play golf with your director.

You'll have to join us next time, Agent...?

Hollander. Uh, Russell Hollander. That would be great.

How's the investigation coming? I'd read...

Hey. Hey, hometown. You're not here to be interviewed.

Now arrest this guy and let my mom out.

Uh, would you excuse me for one second, Mr. Pennington?

Call me Pennington.

Don't you worry, Ventura. I'm gonna make an arrest.

Two of them, in fact. Because you're out of control.

You wanna see out of control? Let's go, right now. Ha.

Ha. I win, bedhead. Take these two in.

Ex-squeeze me?

[stammering]

You're both locked up until the panda case is completed.

We don't need any more distractions.

[watch beeping]

- Three o'clock. - [tires screeching]

What the hell is that?

Plan B.

- [car horn honking] - [Sickinger] Sorry. Sorry.

- Ah. Panda song. - [Sickinger] Here we go.

[panda bleating on recording]

Sweet sound of a mother panda calling her young.

Hello.

Oops. Uh, we're out of power. The house is clean.

Check around back. Okay.

[Hollander] They're small. Why'd you let them go?

- They're little people. - [Ace] Turn it up. Go.

Ting Tang will hear his mom calling him.

[Hollander] Catch up with them.

Let's go, go. Get the guy with the boom box.

[Ox barking]

[Ace] Over there, point them over there.

[Sickinger shouting]

Congratulations.

You found my horse stalls.

[Hollander] I apologize for the misunderstanding.

Just get him off my property.

Silence. They're all here.

Come on, half-pint, I'm getting tired of this.

Ha!

Don't go near those doors!

[gasps]

[Ace] Princess. Tabby.

[meows]

Otter. Piggy.

Tortoise, Freedom the Hawk, be free.

Possum.

[inaudible]

[meows]

[whimpers]

Ting Tang, I found you. Touchdown.

Go to the haystack. I'll be right back.

- [Hollander] Oh, no, you don't. - Ha.

[hoof beats approaching]

Come to me, my jungle friends.

[whoops]

[screaming]

Vámonos amigos!

You had everything, sir. Why did you do this?

I decided to start an animal collection.

I wanted only the most famous pieces.

Smooth ride for stolen property, Pennington.

And what a Pennington wants,

a Pennington gets.

Mr. Pennington Sr., sir,

you're under arrest.

[imitates dice shaking]

Whack!

Yahtzee.

Ooh, what's that on your tie?

I win.

Exit stage left.

[Hollander] Come on.

[bird] He's going to jail, he's going to jail.

Ace, you're a really great pet detective.

[stammering]

Well, what can I say? Ha.

Like father, like son.

[gulps] I'm good. Okay. Let's go.

[Laura] So, um, when are you gonna find my koi fish?

I just solved a huge case.

I'm working on it.

Nothing to see here. Just one of your fellow classmates

taking down a powerful billionaire for stealing celebrity animals.

Hey, I know where you're going.

And my future license plate is going to be "A-C-E Jr."

[scoffs]

Where's he going?

Like father, like son.

Like father, like son. Come on.

You guys want your pets or not? Come on.

[kids clamoring]

[girl 1] Let's go get our pets.

[girl 2] Mr. Chompers.

- You stole our pets? - [Ace] D-d-d.

I'm the pet detective here. He stole your pets.

He wants to be just like his dad.

He wants to be just like his dad:

cruel, shallow and selfish.

You forgot "filthy rich" and "egomaniacal."

We Penningtons can have whatever we want.

Oh, you're quite a pair.

But this time an Ace trumps a pair.

[laughing]

You did not just make that lame joke.

Oh, I did, sir. And you and your dad

are going to look great in matching orange jumpsuits.

[laughs]

You think you're a good detective?

Solve this.

The fish

is about to disappear.

[gasps]

- Greeny. - No.

Come on, I need help.

- Open his mouth, I'm going in. - [Sickinger] No, Ace.

The five of you are going on a mission.

Couple of you probably aren't coming back.

- [squelching] - [all gasp]

Ace, be careful.

- What the...? - Mazel tov.

[Laura] Easy, Mr. Chompers.

That's where my hair dryer went.

[squelching continues]

[Ace] His mouth is closing. People, his mouth is closing.

I think I got him. I got him.

[Sickinger] Careful. Careful.

[Ace] Ew. I think I just squeezed his liver. That's disgusting.

- [Ace groans] - [crowd shouting]

- [crowd] Yeah! - Greeny.

[slow motion] No!

[crowd cheering]

[Rex] Way to go, Sparky.

Grandpa, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm taking 10 minutes off from retirement

to help you wrap up your first case.

Thanks, Grandpa.

Hey, Sparky. Good going. Good Sparky.

I told you, I told you he was sleeping.

Who had the hamster?

And the snake and the turtle and...

- Thanks, Ace. - It's what I do.

Now, uh, Laura, um, since I, uh, solved your case,

there was something I, uh, kind of wanted to tell you.

What?

Um...

Well, it all kind of started when I met you in third grade...

Don't be shy, Ace.

You like me.

You have a crush on me.

No.

I have a huge crush on you.

That's what I just said.

[fireworks, birds chirping]

I'm good, I'm good now.

All right, um, let me just get my sea legs this way.

♪ ...wanna feel ♪

♪ Wanna really know ♪

♪ Gotta be the one...♪

I am Ace Ventura Jr., pet detective.

And I declare all of your cases

clo-oh-oh-oh-oh-osed.

[all cheering]

- [all chanting] Ace. Ace. Ace. - Thank you.

[Rex] Ace Jr...

you're the man.

Actually, you know what, Grandpa?

You're right. I am the man. Whoo!

Get over here, Laura. Whoo!

♪ I wanna really know ♪

♪ Gotta be the one Now ♪

♪ To tell you That you'll forever shine ♪

♪ I wanna feel ♪

♪ I wanna see the sun ♪

♪ I wanna be the one ♪

♪ Yeah, to tell you...♪

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ha-ha. Hey, I am so proud of you, Ace.

[monkey] Ventura.

- Thank you, honey. - [Ace] I love you too, Mom.

Alrighty, then.

♪ Shine ♪

♪ Shine ♪

♪ Shine ♪

[Tone Loc's "Ace Is In the House" playing]

[Tarzan yell]

♪ Just calling my dog, man ♪

♪ Tricks are for kids And men are for tricks ♪

♪ Ace He's the number one pet dick ♪

♪ No roof on fire, man When your cat's up a tree ♪

♪ He's the one That you hire, man ♪

♪ Known To bring them back alive ♪

♪ If your cats scratch Or if your turkey got jive ♪

♪ A little loco like a bass But still got charm ♪

♪ Brought him back To old MacDonald's farm ♪

♪ So hey-diddle-diddle What's laid in the pork? ♪

♪ Chasing more pets Than Noah on his ark ♪

♪ No need for a pager Numbers get deleted ♪

♪ Ace is on the case And the job is completed ♪

♪ Simple as Simon When I start rhyming ♪

♪ Always tell the truth So you know I'm not lying ♪

♪ Down with the ladies As a lover ♪

♪ Undercover ♪

♪ Yo, tell him where he's at My brothers ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Tell 'em where Ace is at ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ I don't believe They heard you ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Is he all up in the house? ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Well, if Ace is in the house So must be Loc ♪

♪ Blowing up Like a cloud of smoke ♪

♪ I grip the mike like pliers No one flyer ♪

♪ Yo, Ace is for hire ♪

♪ A floor-room showpiece ♪

♪ Solving more crimes than The hot damn police ♪

♪ Trying to do it legal ♪

♪ Looking for a dolphin Beating on an eagle ♪

♪ Nothing ever planned ♪

♪ Whenever Ace got the place Of a helpful detective, man ♪

♪ Crazy like Harpo ♪

♪ Busting out windows In his Monte Carlo ♪

♪ Loud clothes, black boots Duck-style hair ♪

♪ No time for a suit ♪

[Tarzan yell]

♪ Yo, tell 'em Who's in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ I don't believe They heard ya ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Tell 'em one more time ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Tell 'em Who's in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ I don't believe They heard you ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Is he running things? ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Is he doing things? ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Ace is in the house ♪

♪ I said Ace is in the house ♪

♪ I said Ace is in the house ♪

♪ I said Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪

♪ Yo Ace is in the house ♪