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Hi. Welcome to the future.
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00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:31,520
San Dimas, California, 2688,
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00:02:31,771 --> 00:02:34,020
and I'm telling you,
it's great here.
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00:02:34,271 --> 00:02:36,603
The air is clean.
The water's clean.
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00:02:36,854 --> 00:02:39,561
Even the dirt is clean.
6
00:02:39,812 --> 00:02:41,520
Bowling averages are way up.
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00:02:41,771 --> 00:02:43,895
Mini-golf scores are way down.
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00:02:44,146 --> 00:02:46,270
And we have more
excellent water slides
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00:02:46,521 --> 00:02:49,020
than any other planet
we communicate with.
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00:02:49,271 --> 00:02:52,061
I'm telling you, this place is great.
11
00:02:52,312 --> 00:02:53,853
But it almost wasn't.
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00:02:54,104 --> 00:02:59,853
You see, 700 years ago, the two
great ones ran into a few problems.
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00:03:00,062 --> 00:03:02,728
So now I have to travel
back in time to help them out.
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00:03:04,062 --> 00:03:06,520
If I should fail to keep these two
on the correct path,
15
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:08,770
the basis of our society
will be in danger.
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00:03:09,354 --> 00:03:11,853
Don't worry, it'll all make sense.
I'm a professional.
17
00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:15,728
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
18
00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:17,436
And I'm Ted "Theo..."
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00:03:18,896 --> 00:03:21,561
- Bill, here, you take it.
- OK.
20
00:03:26,021 --> 00:03:29,061
- And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
- Yeah!
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00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:37,978
And we're Wyld Stallyns!
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00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,228
Let's bail.
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00:04:00,146 --> 00:04:01,686
We blew it.
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00:04:02,687 --> 00:04:04,728
Guess we used too much power.
25
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,853
I liked it.
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00:04:07,979 --> 00:04:13,686
Ted, while I agree that in time
our band will be most triumphant,
27
00:04:13,937 --> 00:04:16,770
the truth is, Wyld Stallyns
will never be a super band
28
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:18,978
until we have
Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
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00:04:19,687 --> 00:04:23,395
Yes, Bill, but... I do not believe
we will get Eddie Van Halen
30
00:04:23,604 --> 00:04:25,270
until we have a triumphant video.
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00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:28,103
Ted, it's pointless to have
a triumphant video
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00:04:28,312 --> 00:04:30,895
before we even have
decent instruments.
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00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,228
Well, how can we have decent instruments
when we don't really even know how to play?
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00:04:34,854 --> 00:04:36,853
That is why we need Eddie Van Halen.
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00:04:37,104 --> 00:04:39,936
And that is why
we need a triumphant video.
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00:04:42,104 --> 00:04:43,353
- Excellent!
- Excellent!
37
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,186
Uh-oh.
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00:04:48,312 --> 00:04:50,020
- We're late.
- For what?
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00:04:50,271 --> 00:04:52,978
- For school, dude.
- Oh, yeah.
40
00:05:01,979 --> 00:05:04,061
Bill, I'm waiting.
41
00:05:06,437 --> 00:05:07,353
He's dead?
42
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,728
So Bill, what you're telling me,
essentially,
43
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:16,895
is that Napoleon was
a short, dead dude.
44
00:05:18,646 --> 00:05:19,811
Well, yeah.
45
00:05:20,729 --> 00:05:22,436
You totally blew it, dude.
46
00:05:22,687 --> 00:05:24,811
- Ted, stand up.
- Stand up?
47
00:05:24,937 --> 00:05:26,311
Yes, son, stand up.
48
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,645
Now... who was Joan of Arc?
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00:05:35,396 --> 00:05:36,770
Noah's wife?
50
00:05:40,729 --> 00:05:45,395
Listen guys, don't forget, tomorrow,
final report, 1:30 to 3:30, OK?
51
00:05:51,354 --> 00:05:52,853
Hey, guys.
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00:05:55,979 --> 00:05:59,270
Mr. Ryan, before you say anything,
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00:05:59,521 --> 00:06:04,770
my distinguished colleague Ted and I
wish to express to you our thanks
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00:06:04,937 --> 00:06:07,311
for all the things
we have learned in your class.
55
00:06:08,354 --> 00:06:09,561
And what have you learned?
56
00:06:12,479 --> 00:06:14,311
We have, uh...
57
00:06:14,562 --> 00:06:17,478
We've learned that the
world has a great history.
58
00:06:18,104 --> 00:06:21,561
Yes, and that thanks
to great leaders
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00:06:21,771 --> 00:06:24,728
Such as... Genghis Khan,
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00:06:24,937 --> 00:06:27,436
Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method,
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00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:31,645
the world is... full of history.
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00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:36,561
It seems to me
the only thing you have learned
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00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:40,270
is that Caesar...
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00:06:40,354 --> 00:06:42,436
is a salad dressing dude.
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00:06:43,979 --> 00:06:46,103
Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple.
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00:06:46,312 --> 00:06:48,436
You have flunked
every section of this class.
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00:06:49,937 --> 00:06:53,645
Now unless you get an A-plus
on your final oral report tomorrow...
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00:06:54,771 --> 00:06:57,853
...guys, I have no choice
but to flunk the both of you.
69
00:06:58,979 --> 00:07:02,353
Now you know your topics,
so I would suggest that you at least
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00:07:02,604 --> 00:07:06,686
cover those areas
if you want to pass the course.
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00:07:07,437 --> 00:07:09,645
- Understand?
- Yes, sir.
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00:07:10,271 --> 00:07:11,478
OK.
73
00:07:13,812 --> 00:07:14,936
Guys.
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00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:19,895
Your report had better be
something very special.
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00:07:22,812 --> 00:07:24,061
Ah, man.
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00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:29,436
Well, what are we
supposed to know for our report?
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00:07:29,646 --> 00:07:30,728
I'm not sure.
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00:07:30,937 --> 00:07:34,145
One thing I know is that
Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife.
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00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:37,103
Well then, who is Noah's wife?
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00:07:37,354 --> 00:07:38,853
I don't know, Ted.
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00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:41,811
But I do know
we're in serious trouble.
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00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,186
Listen to this:
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00:07:44,437 --> 00:07:47,395
"Express to the class how
an important historical figure
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00:07:47,646 --> 00:07:53,061
"from each of your time periods would
view the world of San Dimas, 1988."
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00:07:54,812 --> 00:07:58,145
We are in danger of flunking
most heinously tomorrow, Ted.
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00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,145
Hi, Bill.
Want a ride?
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00:08:01,396 --> 00:08:02,270
Sure, Missy.
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00:08:03,604 --> 00:08:04,686
I mean, Mom.
89
00:08:07,812 --> 00:08:09,936
- Your stepmom's cute.
- Shut up, Ted.
90
00:08:10,187 --> 00:08:11,811
Remember when she was
a senior and we were freshmen?
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00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:13,353
Shut up, Ted!
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00:08:20,479 --> 00:08:22,686
I'll be right back,
as soon as I get my books.
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00:08:34,062 --> 00:08:35,395
Ted.
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00:08:36,396 --> 00:08:38,103
What are you doing home, Dad?
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00:08:38,312 --> 00:08:40,103
- I'm looking for my keys.
- Oh.
96
00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:42,228
You haven't done anything
with them, have you?
97
00:08:43,687 --> 00:08:44,895
No, sir.
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00:08:45,146 --> 00:08:47,228
I spoke to your principal today, Ted.
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00:08:47,479 --> 00:08:49,186
He said you're failing history.
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00:08:49,437 --> 00:08:51,311
- Me and Bill...
- He also said
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00:08:51,437 --> 00:08:53,936
that if you fail history,
you flunk out of school.
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00:08:55,562 --> 00:08:57,936
You know what that would mean,
don't you, Ted?
103
00:08:58,729 --> 00:09:02,061
That I would have to go
to Oats Military Academy, sir.
104
00:09:02,312 --> 00:09:05,561
Uh-huh.
I spoke to Colonel Oats this morning.
105
00:09:08,021 --> 00:09:10,936
He's anxious to meet you, Ted.
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00:09:25,979 --> 00:09:29,936
Dude, we gotta pass.
Otherwise there's no more band.
107
00:09:30,187 --> 00:09:31,270
Why?
108
00:09:31,562 --> 00:09:34,311
My dad's sending me to military school.
109
00:09:34,562 --> 00:09:36,103
Where?
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00:09:37,479 --> 00:09:38,978
Alaska.
111
00:09:40,312 --> 00:09:41,728
Alaska...
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00:09:48,812 --> 00:09:49,853
It is time.
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00:09:49,979 --> 00:09:52,853
Their separation is imminent.
114
00:10:22,604 --> 00:10:24,311
Be excellent to each other.
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00:10:25,854 --> 00:10:28,061
Party on, dude.
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00:10:56,562 --> 00:10:58,436
OK, Ted.
George Washington.
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00:10:58,687 --> 00:11:00,978
One: the father of our country.
118
00:11:01,229 --> 00:11:03,895
Two: born on President's Day.
119
00:11:04,146 --> 00:11:06,895
Three: the dollar bill guy.
120
00:11:07,187 --> 00:11:08,811
Bill, you ever made a mushroom
out of his head?
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00:11:09,062 --> 00:11:11,353
Ted... Alaska.
122
00:11:13,479 --> 00:11:16,728
OK. Um...
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00:11:18,229 --> 00:11:20,270
Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
124
00:11:21,604 --> 00:11:23,645
That's Captain Ahab, dude.
125
00:11:25,187 --> 00:11:29,061
Oh, wait. Remember Disney World,
the Hall of Presidents?
126
00:11:29,312 --> 00:11:31,186
Yeah, good, what'd he say?
127
00:11:32,437 --> 00:11:34,645
"Welcome to the Hall of Presidents."
128
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,145
Hi, I brought you guys some food.
129
00:11:50,812 --> 00:11:52,811
It's your mom, dude!
130
00:11:53,854 --> 00:11:55,020
How's it going, guys?
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00:11:56,479 --> 00:11:57,686
Bad.
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00:11:58,604 --> 00:12:01,728
We are destined to flunk most
egregiously tomorrow.
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00:12:01,979 --> 00:12:06,811
And I am destined to end up
at Oats Military Academy.
134
00:12:07,062 --> 00:12:09,478
And then we will never start our band.
135
00:12:11,396 --> 00:12:14,728
Good. Good.
136
00:12:19,854 --> 00:12:22,478
- What are you guys studying anyway?
- History.
137
00:12:23,312 --> 00:12:24,561
- Mr. Ryan?
- Uh-huh.
138
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,686
Tell him, "hi".
139
00:12:26,896 --> 00:12:29,936
Why don't you guys take a dinner break?
140
00:12:31,312 --> 00:12:32,436
Thanks, Dad.
141
00:12:46,771 --> 00:12:49,936
Now your dad's going for it...
in your own room!
142
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:51,895
Shut up, Ted.
143
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:55,061
- Your stepmom is cute, though.
- Shut up, Ted.
144
00:12:55,312 --> 00:12:56,645
Remember when I asked her
to the prom?
145
00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:58,395
Shut up, Ted!
146
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:04,853
1275, 1275, 1275...
147
00:13:07,312 --> 00:13:09,436
OK, the lady in that car over there
148
00:13:09,687 --> 00:13:13,270
said that Marco Polo
was in the year 1275.
149
00:13:13,479 --> 00:13:16,103
So it's not just a water sport,
I knew it.
150
00:13:17,312 --> 00:13:20,728
Excuse me,
when did the Mongols rule China?
151
00:13:21,646 --> 00:13:23,603
I don't know.
I just work here.
152
00:13:28,479 --> 00:13:30,770
Well, you wanna try the Thrifty Mart?
153
00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:31,895
Sure.
154
00:13:47,354 --> 00:13:48,811
Whoa!
155
00:13:54,229 --> 00:13:56,020
Not bad.
156
00:14:00,312 --> 00:14:02,978
Greetings, my excellent friends.
157
00:14:04,479 --> 00:14:06,686
Do you know when
the Mongols ruled China?
158
00:14:06,937 --> 00:14:11,145
Well... perhaps we could ask them.
159
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:17,270
Bill S. Preston, Esquire...
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00:14:18,896 --> 00:14:20,895
...and Ted "Theodore" Logan.
161
00:14:21,771 --> 00:14:25,478
Gentlemen, I'm here to help you
with your history report.
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00:14:26,437 --> 00:14:27,561
What?
163
00:14:28,187 --> 00:14:29,061
How?
164
00:14:29,354 --> 00:14:31,936
Whoa!
165
00:14:32,062 --> 00:14:33,978
- Whoo!
- I hate that part.
166
00:14:35,521 --> 00:14:37,436
- Bill?
- What?
167
00:14:37,646 --> 00:14:41,145
Strange things are afoot
at the Circle K.
168
00:14:46,979 --> 00:14:49,561
Dudes, you guys
are gonna go back in time.
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00:14:49,812 --> 00:14:50,728
Yeah!
170
00:14:50,937 --> 00:14:54,978
You are going to have a most excellent
adventure through history.
171
00:14:55,187 --> 00:14:58,645
- Who are you guys?
- We're you, dude!
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00:14:58,896 --> 00:15:02,645
No way. No way!
173
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:05,895
- Yes way, Ted!
- Look, we know how you feel.
174
00:15:06,146 --> 00:15:08,270
We didn't believe it either
when we were you
175
00:15:08,479 --> 00:15:11,228
and we-us said what we-us
are saying right now.
176
00:15:11,437 --> 00:15:16,103
OK wait, if you guys are really us...
177
00:15:17,646 --> 00:15:19,436
...what number are we thinking of?
178
00:15:20,646 --> 00:15:22,603
Sixty-nine, dudes!
179
00:15:24,437 --> 00:15:25,686
Whoa!
180
00:15:29,646 --> 00:15:31,311
Look, we've gotta go.
181
00:15:31,437 --> 00:15:34,061
Yeah, we gotta get back to the report.
182
00:15:34,312 --> 00:15:35,895
Rufus!
183
00:15:36,896 --> 00:15:39,811
Listen to this dude, Rufus.
He knows what he's talking about.
184
00:15:40,062 --> 00:15:43,645
Right. Oh, and Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
185
00:15:44,479 --> 00:15:47,186
- Who?
- You'll see.
186
00:15:48,604 --> 00:15:50,728
Gentleman... is everything all right?
187
00:15:50,937 --> 00:15:53,561
Yeah, except, how come...
188
00:15:54,312 --> 00:15:57,311
Ted, don't forget to wind your watch!
189
00:15:59,729 --> 00:16:01,811
Thanks, Rufus.
190
00:16:03,312 --> 00:16:05,436
Catch ya later, Bill and Ted.
191
00:16:17,104 --> 00:16:19,895
Dude, are you sure
we should be doing this?
192
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:23,895
Ted, you and I have
witnessed many things,
193
00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:28,061
but nothing as bodacious
as what just happened.
194
00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:30,645
Besides, we told ourselves
to listen to this guy.
195
00:16:32,104 --> 00:16:33,603
What if we were lying?
196
00:16:36,437 --> 00:16:38,145
Why would we lie to ourselves?
197
00:16:44,146 --> 00:16:45,728
How are you gonna help us?
198
00:16:45,979 --> 00:16:48,270
Yeah, are you gonna call someone
and get the answers?
199
00:16:48,521 --> 00:16:50,770
Gentlemen, we're gonna do
a lot more than that.
200
00:16:53,604 --> 00:16:56,436
Whoa. Excellent.
201
00:16:59,062 --> 00:17:00,895
Brace yourselves, amigos.
202
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:11,103
Gentlemen...
203
00:17:13,312 --> 00:17:14,186
...we're history.
204
00:17:22,771 --> 00:17:26,145
Rufus, where are we, dude?
205
00:17:27,062 --> 00:17:29,061
These are the circuits
of history, gentlemen.
206
00:17:29,312 --> 00:17:31,603
They'll take us to
any point in time we wish.
207
00:17:32,104 --> 00:17:33,895
How?
208
00:17:34,146 --> 00:17:36,561
Modern technology, William.
209
00:17:36,771 --> 00:17:39,061
Whoa!
210
00:17:54,479 --> 00:17:58,353
- That was most unprecedented, Rufus.
- Yeah.
211
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:01,853
But where are we, Rufus?
212
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:08,103
Austria, 1805.
The French have just invaded.
213
00:18:11,271 --> 00:18:13,478
Bill, check it out!
214
00:18:14,312 --> 00:18:16,770
We're in the middle of a war, dude!
215
00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:31,978
Amigos, time to depart.
216
00:18:34,437 --> 00:18:36,395
How's it going, dude?
217
00:18:37,021 --> 00:18:39,020
Blow them up.
218
00:18:41,604 --> 00:18:42,603
MOVE IT!
219
00:19:11,146 --> 00:19:12,478
Now where are we, dude?
220
00:19:13,812 --> 00:19:15,561
Oh, it's my house.
221
00:19:15,812 --> 00:19:20,228
Rufus, can we go anywhere we want,
at any time?
222
00:19:20,521 --> 00:19:23,520
Gentlemen, you can do anything you want,
as long as you remember this:
223
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:27,728
no matter what happens,
you must get to that report. Got it?
224
00:19:28,021 --> 00:19:31,478
All right, amigos, that book
will give you the number
225
00:19:31,646 --> 00:19:36,103
of any place you want to go.
Now, most important,
226
00:19:36,312 --> 00:19:38,811
no matter what you do,
no matter where you go,
227
00:19:39,062 --> 00:19:44,645
that clock, the clock in San Dimas,
is always running. Got it?
228
00:19:44,896 --> 00:19:48,145
- Yeah.
- All right, time for me to go.
229
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:49,686
What do you mean, Rufus?
230
00:19:49,896 --> 00:19:51,561
Yeah, aren't you coming with us?
231
00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:54,561
Gentlemen, you're on your own.
232
00:20:08,812 --> 00:20:11,770
- Ted?
- What?
233
00:20:12,021 --> 00:20:14,728
This has been a most unusual day.
234
00:20:23,896 --> 00:20:27,311
- Ted, it's Napoleon.
- Who?
235
00:20:27,562 --> 00:20:30,395
The short, dead dude
from our history review.
236
00:20:31,729 --> 00:20:33,853
Ted, I have a most excellent idea.
237
00:20:34,104 --> 00:20:36,353
Grab his legs, we gotta get him inside.
238
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,853
I think I've figured out a way
to pass our report.
239
00:20:41,062 --> 00:20:42,061
How?
240
00:20:42,312 --> 00:20:44,395
Well, we've got one
historical figure here.
241
00:20:44,604 --> 00:20:46,728
Maybe we can go back
and get some more.
242
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,145
Yeah!
243
00:20:48,854 --> 00:20:51,603
Deacon,
you have to watch this guy.
244
00:20:51,854 --> 00:20:56,270
His name is Napoleon.
He is a very famous French dude.
245
00:20:56,521 --> 00:20:59,186
We have decided to collect other
important figures from history
246
00:20:59,396 --> 00:21:01,020
for an oral report we are doing.
247
00:21:01,271 --> 00:21:04,645
While we are gone, you are
not to let him out of your sight.
248
00:21:04,854 --> 00:21:06,645
Here is some money.
249
00:21:06,896 --> 00:21:08,770
Take him to the movies or something.
250
00:21:15,979 --> 00:21:20,228
Napoleon, I am Bill.
251
00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:25,061
We'll take you back to France after you
tell us what you think of San Dimas.
252
00:21:25,854 --> 00:21:28,645
- This is Ted's little brother, Deacon.
- Hi.
253
00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:30,311
He'll take care of you.
254
00:21:34,146 --> 00:21:36,395
- Ready, Ted?
- Ready, Bill.
255
00:21:36,604 --> 00:21:39,186
Let's go back into history.
256
00:21:43,937 --> 00:21:46,020
This should be most triumphant.
257
00:21:47,354 --> 00:21:48,853
I want to speak with you, son.
258
00:21:50,437 --> 00:21:52,103
Alone, please, Bill?
259
00:21:55,021 --> 00:21:56,478
All right, sit down.
260
00:21:59,729 --> 00:22:01,770
What am I gonna do with you, huh?
You can't...
261
00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:03,061
Great.
262
00:22:03,562 --> 00:22:06,478
You lose my keys.
You fail history.
263
00:22:06,646 --> 00:22:08,436
You spend all your time
with your loser friend
264
00:22:08,687 --> 00:22:10,520
planning a band that'll never happen.
265
00:22:10,771 --> 00:22:13,061
Now you're not to leave this house again
until tomorrow morning.
266
00:22:18,312 --> 00:22:20,020
- Yes?
- Captain Logan?
267
00:22:20,271 --> 00:22:23,395
This is Deputy Van Halen
down at the station.
268
00:22:23,687 --> 00:22:24,728
Deputy Van Halen?
269
00:22:27,979 --> 00:22:31,520
I'm new, dude...sir.
270
00:22:31,771 --> 00:22:34,395
Look, we found your keys,
271
00:22:34,646 --> 00:22:38,228
and if you want 'em,
you better come and get 'em.
272
00:22:41,354 --> 00:22:44,895
When I get back from the station,
I want you packed and ready to go.
273
00:22:45,146 --> 00:22:46,103
Got it?
274
00:22:53,354 --> 00:22:55,186
We are in serious trouble.
275
00:22:55,479 --> 00:22:58,561
My dad already signed me up,
my plane leaves tomorrow night.
276
00:22:59,646 --> 00:23:01,770
Only if we fail, dude.
277
00:23:06,229 --> 00:23:07,728
No way!
278
00:23:09,312 --> 00:23:13,103
OK, we got Sigmund Frood,
Beeth-oven... Uh...
279
00:23:13,312 --> 00:23:17,603
Is there one for Western Movement
in America in the 19th Century?
280
00:23:18,854 --> 00:23:19,895
Yeah!
281
00:23:20,146 --> 00:23:21,603
Well then...
282
00:23:23,479 --> 00:23:25,353
...let's reach out
and touch someone.
283
00:24:14,812 --> 00:24:16,561
How's it going, Old West Dude?
284
00:24:18,896 --> 00:24:21,728
Hey, Bill,
this is just like Frontierland.
285
00:24:21,979 --> 00:24:24,270
Yeah,
but you can get shot here, Ted.
286
00:24:24,479 --> 00:24:25,728
Oh.
287
00:24:25,979 --> 00:24:28,561
- Just try to act natural.
- OK.
288
00:24:32,354 --> 00:24:33,811
- Howdy, partner.
- Howdy.
289
00:24:34,062 --> 00:24:35,603
Watch out
for the horse crap, Ted.
290
00:24:35,854 --> 00:24:37,853
Ugh. Thanks, dude.
291
00:24:38,104 --> 00:24:40,270
- Hey, Bill, I'm totally thirsty.
- Me too.
292
00:24:56,146 --> 00:24:57,436
Two beers, please.
293
00:25:02,812 --> 00:25:05,395
Whoa! He didn't even card us, dude!
294
00:25:05,646 --> 00:25:08,228
Yeah, we have to
remember this place.
295
00:25:13,562 --> 00:25:16,728
So, who should we take with us?
296
00:25:27,979 --> 00:25:30,436
- Who's he?
- He's Billy the Kid.
297
00:25:32,021 --> 00:25:35,478
He's famous, dude.
Let's bag him.
298
00:25:38,562 --> 00:25:40,353
I need two men.
299
00:25:41,979 --> 00:25:43,228
Who's with me?
300
00:25:44,187 --> 00:25:45,853
We're with you, Billy the Kid!
301
00:25:55,021 --> 00:25:59,770
Here's the deal.
What I win, I keep.
302
00:25:59,937 --> 00:26:03,020
What you win, I keep.
303
00:26:03,937 --> 00:26:06,561
Sounds good, Mr. The Kid.
304
00:26:20,979 --> 00:26:24,853
Dude, you gotta have
a poker face, like me.
305
00:26:29,937 --> 00:26:31,895
Whoa! Three aces!
306
00:26:33,396 --> 00:26:35,561
What the hell's going on here, Billy?
307
00:26:37,396 --> 00:26:39,270
Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid?
308
00:26:41,271 --> 00:26:42,353
Cheatin'?
309
00:26:43,312 --> 00:26:43,936
Me?
310
00:26:57,812 --> 00:26:59,270
Billy!
311
00:27:03,104 --> 00:27:04,478
Excellent!
312
00:27:12,062 --> 00:27:14,811
Look, we're totally weak.
313
00:27:15,021 --> 00:27:17,061
We can't possibly fight you.
314
00:27:17,312 --> 00:27:20,853
However, how would you gentlemen like...
315
00:27:21,479 --> 00:27:23,353
...free passes to Waterloops?
316
00:27:23,437 --> 00:27:25,978
Home of excellent water slides.
317
00:27:26,896 --> 00:27:28,853
Nice try, dude.
318
00:27:30,021 --> 00:27:31,561
Whoa!
319
00:27:37,896 --> 00:27:39,561
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
320
00:27:39,896 --> 00:27:40,853
What?
321
00:27:42,979 --> 00:27:44,145
Come on.
322
00:27:46,646 --> 00:27:49,270
- Look!
- It's the Goodyear blimp.
323
00:27:49,521 --> 00:27:50,395
Huh?
324
00:27:56,396 --> 00:27:58,645
I can't believe
they fell for that!
325
00:28:00,646 --> 00:28:02,145
Yeah!
326
00:28:03,604 --> 00:28:05,186
- Let's get 'em!
- Let's kill 'em!
327
00:28:07,021 --> 00:28:07,770
Come on!
328
00:28:09,812 --> 00:28:12,853
- You guys saved my life.
- Nothing doing, Billy the Kid.
329
00:28:13,062 --> 00:28:15,603
- Where we going?
- The Golden Age of Civilisation.
330
00:28:15,854 --> 00:28:17,936
- Where?
- Ancient Greece, dude.
331
00:28:18,146 --> 00:28:21,145
Don't worry, we'll bring you back here
as soon as you talk in our report.
332
00:28:23,187 --> 00:28:23,978
What?!
333
00:28:30,187 --> 00:28:31,436
What the...?
334
00:28:58,854 --> 00:29:00,353
Socrates.
335
00:29:01,146 --> 00:29:03,103
- Hey, we know that name.
- Yeah!
336
00:29:03,312 --> 00:29:05,395
Hey, look him up.
337
00:29:06,146 --> 00:29:09,561
- Oh. It's under So-crates.
- Oh, yeah.
338
00:29:13,604 --> 00:29:15,395
"So-crates:
339
00:29:15,646 --> 00:29:20,311
"'The only true wisdom consists
in knowing that you know nothing."'
340
00:29:22,812 --> 00:29:25,728
- That's us, dude!
- Oh, yeah!
341
00:29:26,604 --> 00:29:28,311
- Let's bag him.
- Yeah.
342
00:29:29,104 --> 00:29:30,186
So you see...
343
00:29:31,271 --> 00:29:33,853
our lives are but
specks of dust
344
00:29:34,729 --> 00:29:36,895
falling through the fingers
345
00:29:38,437 --> 00:29:39,436
of time.
346
00:29:44,687 --> 00:29:46,103
How's it going?
347
00:29:54,979 --> 00:29:57,853
I'm Bill, this is Ted.
348
00:29:58,062 --> 00:29:59,311
We're from the future.
349
00:30:01,562 --> 00:30:04,145
Socrates. Hm...
350
00:30:04,896 --> 00:30:06,270
Now what?
351
00:30:07,479 --> 00:30:08,811
I don't know.
352
00:30:10,187 --> 00:30:12,020
Philosophise with him.
353
00:30:17,646 --> 00:30:22,561
All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
354
00:30:30,729 --> 00:30:31,770
Dust.
355
00:30:33,771 --> 00:30:36,020
- Wind.
- Dude.
356
00:30:40,146 --> 00:30:43,311
Yes! Like sands of the hourglass,
357
00:30:43,312 --> 00:30:46,728
Yes! Like sands of the hourglass,
so are the days of our lives.
358
00:30:48,312 --> 00:30:49,853
Let's get out of here, dude.
359
00:30:57,271 --> 00:30:59,561
Whoa!
360
00:30:59,812 --> 00:31:01,145
All right!
361
00:31:05,729 --> 00:31:07,061
Yee-ha!
362
00:31:07,312 --> 00:31:09,145
Not bad, eh, So-crates?
363
00:31:10,812 --> 00:31:14,853
- Where are we, dude?
- England, 15th century.
364
00:31:15,062 --> 00:31:17,686
We are in most excellent shape
for our report.
365
00:31:17,896 --> 00:31:20,395
Yeah, all we need
is one more speaker from medieval.
366
00:31:20,646 --> 00:31:21,895
Excellent.
367
00:31:22,146 --> 00:31:25,353
Billy, you are dealing
with the oddity of time travel
368
00:31:25,646 --> 00:31:27,436
with the greatest of ease.
369
00:31:29,062 --> 00:31:30,728
Excuse me.
370
00:31:31,062 --> 00:31:34,145
Do you know where there are any
personages of historical significance
371
00:31:34,437 --> 00:31:35,895
around here?
372
00:31:39,146 --> 00:31:40,728
Whoa!
373
00:31:42,937 --> 00:31:44,436
Check it out.
374
00:31:46,354 --> 00:31:48,228
It must be the castle of King Henry.
375
00:31:49,187 --> 00:31:50,728
Let's go, dude!
376
00:31:52,604 --> 00:31:54,561
Billy, guard the booth.
377
00:31:55,312 --> 00:31:57,061
And watch So-crates.
378
00:31:59,937 --> 00:32:01,270
So-crates.
379
00:32:01,479 --> 00:32:04,853
So, who should we get from medieval?
380
00:32:07,146 --> 00:32:09,561
How about that gnarly old goat dude?
381
00:32:11,187 --> 00:32:12,561
Ted?
382
00:32:13,979 --> 00:32:15,145
I'm in love, dude.
383
00:32:19,271 --> 00:32:21,020
Whoa!
384
00:32:22,021 --> 00:32:26,603
Those must be the princesses you
told yourself about at the Circle K.
385
00:32:28,479 --> 00:32:32,186
We gotta go, it's a history report,
not a babe report.
386
00:32:33,062 --> 00:32:34,436
But Bill...
387
00:32:35,312 --> 00:32:38,436
...those are historical babes.
388
00:32:39,729 --> 00:32:43,395
OK, you're the ladies man,
389
00:32:43,604 --> 00:32:45,395
how we gonna meet 'em?
390
00:32:54,896 --> 00:32:56,520
Excellent.
391
00:33:04,604 --> 00:33:06,561
- Bill?
- What?
392
00:33:06,771 --> 00:33:10,395
- These are heavy.
- Yeah, heavy metal.
393
00:33:16,396 --> 00:33:18,311
We gotta go find the princesses.
394
00:33:18,562 --> 00:33:20,395
Yeah.
395
00:33:20,646 --> 00:33:21,728
Watch it!
396
00:33:22,687 --> 00:33:24,436
Who turned out all the lights?
397
00:33:24,646 --> 00:33:26,770
- Hey, Bill?
- What?
398
00:33:27,021 --> 00:33:29,270
I'm Darth Ted.
399
00:33:30,521 --> 00:33:33,728
Yeah, well I'm Luke Bill.
And you're not my father!
400
00:33:36,854 --> 00:33:38,020
Come on!
401
00:33:39,812 --> 00:33:42,603
Beat you I will, yes.
402
00:33:45,812 --> 00:33:47,020
Hey!
403
00:33:47,271 --> 00:33:49,561
I totally conquered you, dude!
404
00:33:49,812 --> 00:33:51,228
No way!
405
00:33:51,437 --> 00:33:53,103
Come on!
406
00:33:54,646 --> 00:33:56,478
I'll never rule the universe with you.
407
00:33:59,437 --> 00:34:00,395
- Hey, Bill.
- What?
408
00:34:00,646 --> 00:34:02,061
We totally
know how to sword fight.
409
00:34:02,312 --> 00:34:04,686
Yeah!
410
00:34:04,896 --> 00:34:07,561
Ah! Whoa!
411
00:34:15,979 --> 00:34:17,228
Ted.
412
00:34:27,604 --> 00:34:28,978
Ted.
413
00:34:31,146 --> 00:34:33,353
Search the castle,
there might be more of them.
414
00:35:08,437 --> 00:35:10,353
Get out of here!
415
00:35:15,937 --> 00:35:17,020
Bogus.
416
00:35:19,646 --> 00:35:20,978
Heinous.
417
00:35:24,562 --> 00:35:26,978
Most non-triumphant.
418
00:35:31,146 --> 00:35:33,228
Ah, Ted...
419
00:35:34,437 --> 00:35:37,270
don't be dead, dude.
420
00:35:45,854 --> 00:35:48,895
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
421
00:36:10,771 --> 00:36:12,353
Whoa!
422
00:36:13,771 --> 00:36:16,436
- Ted, you're alive!
- Yeah!
423
00:36:16,604 --> 00:36:18,811
I fell out of my suit
when I hit the floor.
424
00:36:21,771 --> 00:36:22,936
Fag.
425
00:36:24,104 --> 00:36:26,103
Dude, you totally
boned that dude in the head!
426
00:36:26,312 --> 00:36:27,436
Yeah!
427
00:36:27,646 --> 00:36:29,270
He's a total bonehead.
428
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:32,728
...that fat old man. I must find
a way to escape before the night.
429
00:36:32,979 --> 00:36:34,561
But how?
430
00:36:36,187 --> 00:36:38,353
- What's that?
- Whoa...
431
00:36:39,354 --> 00:36:40,561
It's those boys.
432
00:36:40,812 --> 00:36:42,853
I can't believe they're here.
433
00:36:45,812 --> 00:36:48,228
How's it going, ladies?
434
00:36:49,604 --> 00:36:51,353
You're the ones we saw
in front of the castle.
435
00:36:53,896 --> 00:36:57,061
I am Ted of San Dimas.
436
00:36:58,021 --> 00:37:01,895
And, uh... I bring to you
a message of love.
437
00:37:04,312 --> 00:37:08,853
- From who?
- From... from myself.
438
00:37:09,146 --> 00:37:11,811
And what is this message you speak of?
439
00:37:13,104 --> 00:37:14,811
Uh...
440
00:37:15,021 --> 00:37:17,978
Lyrics, dude.
Recite 'em some lyrics.
441
00:37:22,312 --> 00:37:25,978
Oh, you beautiful babes from England,
442
00:37:26,187 --> 00:37:28,145
for whom we have travelled through time.
443
00:37:29,771 --> 00:37:32,103
Will you go to the prom
with us in San Dimas?
444
00:37:32,354 --> 00:37:36,020
- We will have a most triumphant time.
- Way to go, dude.
445
00:37:36,271 --> 00:37:39,895
- Joanna! Elizabeth!
- It's father!
446
00:37:49,896 --> 00:37:52,311
- What does your father want?
- We're to be married
447
00:37:52,562 --> 00:37:55,728
- to two horrible old men today.
- No way!
448
00:37:55,979 --> 00:37:57,811
Will you help us escape?
449
00:37:59,146 --> 00:38:01,228
Of course, babes.
450
00:38:05,979 --> 00:38:08,228
How's it going, royal ugly dudes?
451
00:38:11,979 --> 00:38:14,436
I am the Earl of Preston.
452
00:38:14,646 --> 00:38:18,228
And I am the Duke of Ted.
453
00:38:31,687 --> 00:38:34,895
Put them in the iron maiden.
454
00:38:35,229 --> 00:38:36,770
Iron Maiden?
455
00:38:36,979 --> 00:38:39,270
Excellent!
456
00:38:39,479 --> 00:38:40,561
Execute them!
457
00:38:41,562 --> 00:38:43,103
Bogus.
458
00:38:45,521 --> 00:38:46,853
We'll save you, babes!
459
00:38:50,479 --> 00:38:52,436
Witches! Heretics!
460
00:38:52,646 --> 00:38:55,603
I saw them!
They fell from the sky!
461
00:38:55,937 --> 00:38:58,145
Heretics!
462
00:38:58,312 --> 00:39:00,103
They fell out of the sky!
463
00:39:01,104 --> 00:39:05,061
They had fire in their eyes,
and they had horns!
464
00:39:14,562 --> 00:39:15,770
Off with their heads!
465
00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:17,186
Oh, no.
466
00:39:21,979 --> 00:39:23,770
- Bill?
- What?
467
00:39:24,104 --> 00:39:28,811
I believe our adventure through time
has taken a most serious turn.
468
00:39:36,146 --> 00:39:37,061
Huh?
469
00:39:40,312 --> 00:39:41,936
- Billy!
- So-crates!
470
00:39:42,271 --> 00:39:43,603
Let's go!
471
00:39:45,604 --> 00:39:47,436
- Guards! After them!
- Ah!
472
00:39:47,729 --> 00:39:50,395
- So-crates!
- Bye, babes!
473
00:39:52,479 --> 00:39:54,436
Catch you later, medieval dudes.
474
00:39:55,146 --> 00:39:57,228
Kill them! Guards!
475
00:40:01,646 --> 00:40:03,395
Stop them! Stop them!
476
00:40:05,812 --> 00:40:07,061
Hurry up, Billy!
477
00:40:08,479 --> 00:40:09,395
Get out of the way!
478
00:40:09,604 --> 00:40:11,895
Move out of the way!
Come on, get out of here!
479
00:40:44,562 --> 00:40:47,353
Whoa!
480
00:40:55,562 --> 00:40:56,770
Dial fast, dude!
481
00:40:59,896 --> 00:41:02,436
I'm sorry, the number you have
dialled is not in service at this time.
482
00:41:02,646 --> 00:41:04,436
Please check your directory
and dial again.
483
00:41:04,646 --> 00:41:06,520
- Oh, no.
- Party on, dude.
484
00:41:10,312 --> 00:41:11,395
Bill!
485
00:41:13,312 --> 00:41:15,228
OK, I got one, let's go!
486
00:41:49,562 --> 00:41:50,936
You guys stay here.
487
00:41:54,146 --> 00:41:56,103
Where are we, dude?
488
00:41:57,354 --> 00:41:58,686
I don't know.
489
00:42:00,312 --> 00:42:02,728
They sure do play excellent music.
490
00:42:02,979 --> 00:42:04,978
Most outstanding.
491
00:42:24,562 --> 00:42:27,186
- It's you.
- Yeah!
492
00:42:27,437 --> 00:42:29,020
It's us!
493
00:42:29,229 --> 00:42:30,770
Who are we?
494
00:42:34,812 --> 00:42:41,061
♪ The time is almost here
495
00:42:43,771 --> 00:42:52,478
♪ Our dreams will all come true,
I promise you
496
00:42:52,604 --> 00:43:00,811
♪ 'Cause I can see
for miles and miles
497
00:43:02,062 --> 00:43:08,186
♪ In time, we'll be dancing
in the streets all night
498
00:43:10,521 --> 00:43:16,770
♪ In time, yes,
everything will be all right
499
00:43:20,562 --> 00:43:23,395
Bill, I think they
want us to say something.
500
00:43:24,687 --> 00:43:26,270
What should I say?
501
00:43:27,479 --> 00:43:28,645
Make something up.
502
00:43:37,437 --> 00:43:40,061
Be excellent to each other.
503
00:43:46,771 --> 00:43:48,395
Party on, dudes!
504
00:43:49,229 --> 00:43:51,478
Good one, dude.
505
00:43:56,354 --> 00:43:59,561
Well, we gotta get back to our report.
506
00:43:59,771 --> 00:44:01,520
Yeah, we'd take you with us,
507
00:44:01,729 --> 00:44:05,520
but it's a history report,
not a future report.
508
00:44:09,104 --> 00:44:10,311
Later.
509
00:44:11,187 --> 00:44:12,478
Later.
510
00:44:15,812 --> 00:44:17,728
Let's get back
and do our report.
511
00:44:17,979 --> 00:44:19,728
Good idea.
512
00:44:36,729 --> 00:44:39,436
- Dude, where're we going?
- I don't know.
513
00:44:39,646 --> 00:44:40,978
I think the booth's broke.
514
00:44:41,271 --> 00:44:44,978
We gotta keep going to San Dimas
until we get back and get Napoleon.
515
00:44:47,521 --> 00:44:48,728
Behold.
516
00:44:48,979 --> 00:44:51,103
Behold, the Ziggie Pig.
517
00:44:51,312 --> 00:44:54,853
The single greatest ice cream
spectacle known to man.
518
00:44:55,062 --> 00:44:57,103
Eat the pig. Eat the pig.
519
00:44:57,437 --> 00:44:59,645
Ziggie, Ziggie, Ziggie, Zig!
520
00:45:00,687 --> 00:45:02,936
Whoo-hoo!
521
00:45:07,646 --> 00:45:11,020
It's ice cream. You eat it.
522
00:45:12,812 --> 00:45:13,770
It's good.
523
00:45:16,271 --> 00:45:17,395
La glacé.
524
00:45:18,479 --> 00:45:19,978
Whatever, just eat it.
525
00:45:23,896 --> 00:45:24,853
Hm...
526
00:45:40,437 --> 00:45:43,395
All behold, he ate the pig.
527
00:45:43,604 --> 00:45:47,561
Thus proving that he is a...Ziggie Piggy,
528
00:45:47,812 --> 00:45:51,436
Ziggie Piggy, Ziggie Piggy.
529
00:46:06,604 --> 00:46:08,145
What's that?
530
00:46:12,354 --> 00:46:13,561
I don't know.
531
00:46:17,979 --> 00:46:20,228
- Oh, shit!
- Whoa!
532
00:46:43,354 --> 00:46:44,853
Where'd we land now?
533
00:46:46,396 --> 00:46:48,436
Dude, it's Sigmund Frood.
534
00:46:48,771 --> 00:46:50,853
How much time have we got left?
535
00:46:51,604 --> 00:46:53,436
Tonnes! Why?
536
00:46:53,687 --> 00:46:55,853
Extra credit, dude!
537
00:46:59,646 --> 00:47:01,145
How's it going, Frood dude?
538
00:47:03,271 --> 00:47:05,103
This must be a dream.
539
00:47:12,187 --> 00:47:14,270
Let go of me.
What are you doing?
540
00:47:57,271 --> 00:47:58,561
Come on, So-crates.
541
00:48:48,479 --> 00:48:50,478
Welcome aboard, Ms. Joan of Arc.
542
00:48:51,312 --> 00:48:53,936
My name's Ted, and this is Bill.
543
00:49:14,146 --> 00:49:16,895
Oh!
544
00:49:20,979 --> 00:49:22,561
Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?
545
00:49:22,812 --> 00:49:24,270
Say "please".
546
00:49:24,521 --> 00:49:27,436
Mm...
547
00:49:27,646 --> 00:49:28,978
Come on, guys! Jump him!
548
00:49:34,479 --> 00:49:35,436
Candygram.
549
00:49:46,396 --> 00:49:48,061
Yes, what can I...
550
00:49:55,687 --> 00:49:59,811
We've got plenty of time,
but we don't have any more room left.
551
00:50:00,021 --> 00:50:02,061
- Ted, we're outta control.
- What?
552
00:50:02,354 --> 00:50:05,853
The next place we stop, we gotta try and
figure out what's wrong with the booth.
553
00:50:14,354 --> 00:50:17,978
Bill, I think I got an idea
what's wrong.
554
00:50:18,187 --> 00:50:19,270
What?
555
00:50:19,604 --> 00:50:21,978
The antenna's broken.
556
00:50:30,104 --> 00:50:31,728
Yeah! All right.
557
00:51:19,812 --> 00:51:20,270
Shit!
558
00:51:20,271 --> 00:51:20,811
Shit! Shit!
559
00:51:20,812 --> 00:51:21,311
Shit! Shit! Shit!
560
00:51:21,312 --> 00:51:21,853
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
561
00:51:21,854 --> 00:51:22,186
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit!
562
00:51:22,187 --> 00:51:22,520
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit!
563
00:51:22,521 --> 00:51:22,811
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
564
00:51:22,812 --> 00:51:23,103
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
565
00:51:23,104 --> 00:51:23,436
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
566
00:51:24,896 --> 00:51:25,978
Come on, let's ditch him.
567
00:51:32,354 --> 00:51:34,936
Attendre! Attendre!
568
00:51:39,896 --> 00:51:42,103
Excusez-moi, monsieur!
569
00:51:42,229 --> 00:51:43,895
Hold on there.
Not so fast, buddy.
570
00:51:44,229 --> 00:51:47,436
- Buddy?
- You ain't paid yet.
571
00:51:47,687 --> 00:51:49,936
- Pay?
- Pay.
572
00:51:54,646 --> 00:51:57,145
I don't want to see you
around here anymore! Beat it!
573
00:51:59,021 --> 00:52:00,561
Beat it, buddy!
574
00:52:02,146 --> 00:52:03,353
Idiot!
575
00:52:20,312 --> 00:52:21,270
Deacon!
576
00:52:31,562 --> 00:52:36,103
Here is a treat to make
our minor prehistoric pit stop
577
00:52:36,312 --> 00:52:38,145
a bit more enjoyable.
578
00:52:40,437 --> 00:52:41,395
Thank you.
579
00:52:50,521 --> 00:52:51,728
Uh-oh.
580
00:53:09,937 --> 00:53:11,395
Thanks, guys.
581
00:53:15,271 --> 00:53:16,728
I sure hope this works.
582
00:53:31,604 --> 00:53:33,145
I think it's working, dude.
583
00:53:46,521 --> 00:53:47,978
Just a little farther...
584
00:53:48,604 --> 00:53:49,770
...I hope!
585
00:53:56,812 --> 00:53:59,311
Hey! That's us.
586
00:53:59,562 --> 00:54:00,978
We're back in San Dimas.
587
00:54:01,271 --> 00:54:05,270
Yeah, only now it's not now.
It's last night.
588
00:54:05,604 --> 00:54:06,978
- Dude.
- What?
589
00:54:07,229 --> 00:54:09,020
Let's go talk to ourselves.
590
00:54:09,229 --> 00:54:10,603
Excellent.
591
00:54:10,854 --> 00:54:12,061
What do we say, anyways?
592
00:54:12,312 --> 00:54:15,353
I don't know.
Let's go find out.
593
00:54:16,354 --> 00:54:18,228
Sixty-nine, dudes!
594
00:54:18,604 --> 00:54:20,936
Whoa!
595
00:54:21,771 --> 00:54:23,436
Look dudes, we've gotta go.
596
00:54:23,771 --> 00:54:25,395
Rufus!
597
00:54:26,604 --> 00:54:29,520
Listen to this dude Rufus,
he knows what he's talking about.
598
00:54:29,729 --> 00:54:34,020
Right. Oh, and Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
599
00:54:34,937 --> 00:54:37,561
- Who?
- You'll see.
600
00:54:38,979 --> 00:54:41,270
Gentlemen, is everything all right?
601
00:54:41,521 --> 00:54:44,770
Yeah, except how come
the number we dialled for San Dimas
602
00:54:44,937 --> 00:54:47,561
brought us here
instead of to tomorrow, Rufus?
603
00:54:47,771 --> 00:54:50,728
Because in San Dimas
it is tomorrow, William.
604
00:54:50,937 --> 00:54:53,228
You have to dial one number higher.
605
00:54:54,437 --> 00:54:56,895
Oh, yeah. Thanks, Rufus.
606
00:54:57,146 --> 00:54:59,520
And you better hurry,
because you don't have much time.
607
00:54:59,771 --> 00:55:02,686
What do you mean, Rufus?
We got ten hours left.
608
00:55:03,604 --> 00:55:06,145
- You got two hours.
- Huh?
609
00:55:06,354 --> 00:55:08,895
Ted, you forgot to wind
your watch again.
610
00:55:09,146 --> 00:55:11,270
Even after you reminded yourself not to.
611
00:55:11,479 --> 00:55:13,395
Well, I better remind myself again.
612
00:55:13,604 --> 00:55:16,686
Ted, don't forget to wind your watch!
613
00:55:17,854 --> 00:55:19,728
Thanks, Rufus.
614
00:55:22,104 --> 00:55:23,645
Catch ya later, Bill and Ted.
615
00:55:25,646 --> 00:55:27,645
That conversation
made more sense this time.
616
00:55:27,729 --> 00:55:30,811
- Watch the gonads, dude.
- You're too tall, man.
617
00:55:42,979 --> 00:55:45,228
- Great, we made it!
- Huh?
618
00:55:45,562 --> 00:55:46,436
Whoa!
619
00:55:46,604 --> 00:55:49,311
Who's the señorita? She's cute.
620
00:55:49,396 --> 00:55:51,478
It's his mom, dude.
621
00:55:55,146 --> 00:55:58,645
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Missy. I mean Mom.
622
00:55:58,896 --> 00:56:03,270
Uh, Ms. Preston, we'd like you
to meet some of our friends.
623
00:56:03,604 --> 00:56:06,895
Yeah, this is, uh, Dave Beeth-oven.
624
00:56:07,146 --> 00:56:08,853
Ah.
625
00:56:09,146 --> 00:56:13,395
And, uh... Maxine of Arc. Missy.
626
00:56:14,271 --> 00:56:15,853
Herman the Kid.
627
00:56:16,062 --> 00:56:17,936
Bob Genghis Khan.
628
00:56:19,062 --> 00:56:21,353
- So-crates Johnson.
- Hi.
629
00:56:21,562 --> 00:56:24,645
Dennis Frood and, uh...
630
00:56:27,646 --> 00:56:29,145
...Abraham Lincoln.
631
00:56:30,021 --> 00:56:32,270
Well, it's nice to meet you all.
632
00:56:32,521 --> 00:56:34,020
There's sodas in the fridge.
633
00:56:35,937 --> 00:56:37,686
Mom, can you give us a ride someplace?
634
00:56:37,896 --> 00:56:41,020
Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere
until you do your chores.
635
00:57:17,604 --> 00:57:19,020
Done!
636
00:57:20,937 --> 00:57:23,186
This is the San Dimas mall.
637
00:57:23,354 --> 00:57:26,478
And this is where people
of today's world hang out.
638
00:57:27,729 --> 00:57:29,978
All right, everybody,
watch your step getting off.
639
00:57:30,187 --> 00:57:32,728
Beeth-oven, make sure you
don't get sucked under.
640
00:57:35,646 --> 00:57:38,228
Everybody get together,
remember who your buddy is.
641
00:57:39,646 --> 00:57:41,895
So-crates, watch out
for your robe, dude.
642
00:57:45,312 --> 00:57:48,603
OK, follow me.
643
00:57:48,979 --> 00:57:52,103
You've got your Broadway down here,
and got your Sears over here.
644
00:57:53,104 --> 00:57:55,020
The stratification of our society
645
00:57:55,271 --> 00:57:57,228
is much like Marie Antoinette's.
646
00:57:57,479 --> 00:57:59,895
The few possess much,
while the masses
647
00:58:00,146 --> 00:58:02,311
possess little
but their television sets.
648
00:58:02,562 --> 00:58:04,811
This dichotomy led to a revolution
649
00:58:05,021 --> 00:58:07,728
in which Antoinette
and her husband were beheaded.
650
00:58:07,937 --> 00:58:10,603
Today, leaders are impeached
rather than beheaded.
651
00:58:11,771 --> 00:58:15,895
Still, while in her day, Marie
Antoinette said "Let them eat cake",
652
00:58:16,146 --> 00:58:18,853
perhaps today she would say,
"Let them eat fast food".
653
00:58:25,479 --> 00:58:28,770
- Enjoy.
- OK, look around, see what you think.
654
00:58:29,104 --> 00:58:31,686
We'll be back as soon
as we find Napoleon. OK?
655
00:58:31,979 --> 00:58:34,520
Come on, dude, we don't got much time.
656
00:58:35,312 --> 00:58:37,061
Yes, but what... what do we...
657
00:58:37,687 --> 00:58:39,436
You ditched Napoleon?!
658
00:58:39,646 --> 00:58:43,145
Deacon, do you realise you've stranded
one of Europe's greatest leaders
659
00:58:43,437 --> 00:58:45,395
- in San Dimas?
- He was a dick.
660
00:58:48,687 --> 00:58:51,270
Well... how are we gonna find him?
661
00:58:54,771 --> 00:58:59,811
OK, wait, if we were one of
the greatest generals in history,
662
00:59:00,021 --> 00:59:05,728
and we were stranded in San Dimas
for one day, where would we go?
663
00:59:09,354 --> 00:59:11,103
Waterloop!
664
00:59:23,937 --> 00:59:25,728
Eleven children, please.
665
00:59:25,937 --> 00:59:27,561
Are you OK?
666
00:59:39,229 --> 00:59:40,436
Mon dieu!
667
01:00:00,187 --> 01:00:01,853
Buddy, you're holding up the line!
668
01:00:06,354 --> 01:00:07,436
Sacre bleu!
669
01:00:07,687 --> 01:00:08,770
Come on, buddy!
670
01:01:33,229 --> 01:01:36,270
Come on, Napoleon.
Everybody's waiting for us.
671
01:01:36,479 --> 01:01:39,145
- No, no, no!
- Yes, yes, yes!
672
01:01:42,729 --> 01:01:46,895
Why be soft and flabby
when you can be firm and trim?
673
01:01:47,146 --> 01:01:50,520
When you can have a body that cries out,
"Look at me, admire me".
674
01:01:50,771 --> 01:01:53,603
With our specialised weight training
and aerobics programme,
675
01:01:53,854 --> 01:01:57,478
we can help you attain the kind of body
you've only dreamed of having.
676
01:01:57,729 --> 01:02:00,770
All right, let's go ladies!
677
01:02:01,104 --> 01:02:03,561
You guys are looking great!
678
01:02:03,812 --> 01:02:07,728
OK, jumping jacks. Jump! Jump!
679
01:02:12,896 --> 01:02:14,436
You a musician?
680
01:02:17,187 --> 01:02:19,270
Well here, try this.
681
01:02:42,937 --> 01:02:44,811
What is...?
682
01:02:46,146 --> 01:02:48,395
What are they doing?
683
01:02:49,146 --> 01:02:50,853
Look at his sandals. Ooh!
684
01:02:52,437 --> 01:02:54,645
- I don't know.
- He's creepy.
685
01:02:54,937 --> 01:02:57,353
- Weird, huh?
- Oh, they're coming over.
686
01:03:00,646 --> 01:03:05,603
Hi. I'm Billy, this here is So-crates.
687
01:03:05,854 --> 01:03:08,020
- Socrates.
- We're from history.
688
01:03:11,437 --> 01:03:15,436
Hello, I'm Dr. Freud.
But you may call me Siggy.
689
01:03:15,771 --> 01:03:17,728
Oh, my God!
690
01:03:18,937 --> 01:03:23,145
You both seem to be suffering
from a mild form of hysteria.
691
01:03:24,104 --> 01:03:26,270
You are such a geek.
692
01:03:29,771 --> 01:03:31,603
Way to go, egghead.
693
01:03:33,479 --> 01:03:36,978
- Geek!
- What is a "geek"?
694
01:03:39,812 --> 01:03:40,895
Huh...
695
01:03:42,146 --> 01:03:43,561
Oh...
696
01:03:46,604 --> 01:03:47,978
Oh.
697
01:04:09,604 --> 01:04:11,478
I need some help.
I've got a live one here.
698
01:04:15,729 --> 01:04:16,770
- OK...
- Thank you.
699
01:04:17,021 --> 01:04:18,770
...I need the Lincoln hat
and the stupid beard back.
700
01:04:19,021 --> 01:04:22,811
You don't understand.
I'm Abraham Lincoln.
701
01:04:23,021 --> 01:04:24,686
Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha.
702
01:04:24,771 --> 01:04:25,936
Now, come on, mister...
703
01:04:26,021 --> 01:04:28,603
This is my hat and my beard!
704
01:04:37,146 --> 01:04:39,270
Keep it up!
You're looking great!
705
01:04:54,479 --> 01:04:56,936
Yaahh!
706
01:04:58,437 --> 01:04:59,811
Hey! That crazy there!
707
01:05:00,021 --> 01:05:01,645
- Son, hold it right there.
- Get that guy off there.
708
01:05:02,146 --> 01:05:03,061
Oh!
709
01:05:06,396 --> 01:05:07,936
Stop him!
710
01:05:12,396 --> 01:05:13,353
Yee-haw!
711
01:05:14,729 --> 01:05:15,436
Ya-ha!
712
01:05:20,854 --> 01:05:22,853
- No, Sig, over here.
- Sorry, miss.
713
01:05:23,104 --> 01:05:23,978
Excuse me, miss.
714
01:05:24,271 --> 01:05:26,686
- Move, move.
- Pardon me.
715
01:05:27,854 --> 01:05:29,186
Oh, no.
716
01:05:29,479 --> 01:05:31,103
I demand a lawyer.
717
01:05:31,312 --> 01:05:33,145
Don't get smart with me, buddy.
Let's go.
718
01:05:49,646 --> 01:05:51,103
Hey, there they are!
719
01:05:57,687 --> 01:05:59,770
Ah!
720
01:05:59,937 --> 01:06:01,936
All right, come on, Grandpa.
721
01:06:06,479 --> 01:06:07,811
Bogus!
722
01:06:10,812 --> 01:06:12,145
That's enough.
723
01:06:20,937 --> 01:06:23,103
Mom, can't you go any faster?
724
01:06:38,812 --> 01:06:42,436
I want to know why
you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
725
01:06:42,771 --> 01:06:45,186
Why do you claim
I'm not Sigmund Freud?
726
01:06:45,479 --> 01:06:48,103
Why do you keep asking me
these questions?
727
01:06:49,187 --> 01:06:50,728
Tell me about your mother.
728
01:06:51,521 --> 01:06:54,311
- Oh, God.
- Would you like a couch to lie on?
729
01:06:54,562 --> 01:06:56,520
No, I don't want a couch to lie on.
730
01:07:03,979 --> 01:07:05,520
All right, what's your name?
731
01:07:05,771 --> 01:07:07,061
Abraham Lincoln.
732
01:07:07,354 --> 01:07:10,728
That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.
733
01:07:11,021 --> 01:07:13,186
I know how to spell Lincoln.
734
01:07:15,979 --> 01:07:17,853
What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?
735
01:07:18,146 --> 01:07:21,936
February 12th, 1809.
736
01:07:25,271 --> 01:07:28,061
Everything is different,
but the same.
737
01:07:28,271 --> 01:07:32,186
Things are more...
moderner than before,
738
01:07:32,437 --> 01:07:34,478
bigger...
739
01:07:34,562 --> 01:07:36,603
and yet smaller.
740
01:07:40,812 --> 01:07:42,145
It's computers.
741
01:07:49,687 --> 01:07:51,686
San Dimas High School football rules!
742
01:08:06,312 --> 01:08:08,895
I can't believe
my dad arrested them all.
743
01:08:10,604 --> 01:08:11,936
What are we gonna do?
744
01:08:12,271 --> 01:08:15,228
OK, Ted, you go in and talk to your dad.
I'm gonna scope the place out.
745
01:08:15,479 --> 01:08:19,020
Missy, I mean Mom,
please keep an eye on Napoleon.
746
01:08:21,604 --> 01:08:22,561
Stay!
747
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:29,436
All right, lock him up
with the rest of those wackos.
748
01:08:29,521 --> 01:08:31,478
- I am a lawyer, you know...
- Dad!
749
01:08:31,646 --> 01:08:34,270
- You pack your bags, Ted.
- What?
750
01:08:34,604 --> 01:08:35,561
You're going to military school, Ted.
751
01:08:35,896 --> 01:08:37,436
- But, Dad...
- No, I don't want to hear it, Ted.
752
01:08:37,646 --> 01:08:39,270
- But...
- Ted, you go home
753
01:08:39,479 --> 01:08:41,353
and you pack your bags, now!
754
01:08:49,021 --> 01:08:50,561
- How'd it go?
- Bad.
755
01:08:50,812 --> 01:08:54,436
Our historical figures are all locked up
and my dad won't let them out.
756
01:08:55,562 --> 01:08:56,895
Can we get your dad's keys?
757
01:08:57,146 --> 01:08:59,936
I could steal them,
but he lost them two days ago.
758
01:09:00,187 --> 01:09:04,061
If only we could go back in time to
when he had them and steal them then.
759
01:09:05,062 --> 01:09:07,436
Well, why can't we?
760
01:09:07,646 --> 01:09:08,895
'Cause we don't got time.
761
01:09:09,187 --> 01:09:11,186
We could do it after the report.
762
01:09:12,104 --> 01:09:13,811
Ted, good thinking, dude!
763
01:09:14,062 --> 01:09:16,645
After the report, we'll time travel
back to two days ago,
764
01:09:16,896 --> 01:09:19,270
steal your dad's keys,
and leave them here.
765
01:09:19,479 --> 01:09:21,103
- Where?
- I don't know.
766
01:09:21,312 --> 01:09:23,395
How about behind that sign?
767
01:09:23,604 --> 01:09:26,811
That way, when we get here now,
they'll be waiting for us.
768
01:09:29,146 --> 01:09:31,436
- See?
- Whoa! Yeah!
769
01:09:31,687 --> 01:09:35,728
So, after the report we can't forget
to do this, otherwise it won't happen.
770
01:09:35,937 --> 01:09:39,770
But it did happen!
Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys!
771
01:09:40,021 --> 01:09:41,895
Exactly, Ted.
Come on.
772
01:09:45,729 --> 01:09:46,853
- Mom?
- Yes?
773
01:09:47,146 --> 01:09:49,020
Can you please
bring the car around back?
774
01:09:49,229 --> 01:09:50,020
Sure.
775
01:09:51,646 --> 01:09:55,728
Come on, Ted. We've got
some historical figures to rescue.
776
01:09:56,021 --> 01:09:56,936
Over and out.
777
01:10:13,562 --> 01:10:15,520
How are we gonna get past my dad?
778
01:10:17,104 --> 01:10:19,020
You got a tape recorder at home?
779
01:10:19,229 --> 01:10:21,520
- Yeah.
- OK.
780
01:10:22,437 --> 01:10:24,436
- Remember to get the tape recorder.
- Yeah.
781
01:10:24,646 --> 01:10:29,061
Set a timer on it for, uh...2:13.
782
01:10:29,312 --> 01:10:31,145
- Got it?
- Got it!
783
01:10:33,854 --> 01:10:35,561
What am I gonna say on it?
784
01:10:35,812 --> 01:10:38,686
Dad! Hey, Dad!
785
01:10:38,979 --> 01:10:40,978
It's you, dude.
786
01:10:45,521 --> 01:10:46,520
Ted?
787
01:10:46,729 --> 01:10:47,978
I'm over here.
788
01:10:50,271 --> 01:10:52,603
Yeah, this way.
789
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:16,228
Whoa. Check it out.
790
01:11:18,312 --> 01:11:21,436
"Dear Bill and Ted,
good luck on the report.
791
01:11:21,604 --> 01:11:26,145
"Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire
and Ted "Theodore" Logan."
792
01:11:26,354 --> 01:11:27,728
That was nice of us.
793
01:11:27,979 --> 01:11:31,103
"P.S. Duck!"
794
01:11:36,771 --> 01:11:38,478
- Excellent work, dude.
- Way to go!
795
01:11:38,729 --> 01:11:39,811
Come on.
796
01:11:50,646 --> 01:11:51,853
Shh!
797
01:11:52,896 --> 01:11:56,228
Great people,
time is of the essence.
798
01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:59,436
May I ask that you all work together
so that we can get down to the car.
799
01:11:59,687 --> 01:12:01,603
Very quiet now. Quiet.
800
01:12:03,562 --> 01:12:06,353
Against the wall.
Single file.
801
01:12:07,146 --> 01:12:09,270
- Hurry up, Billy.
- How do we get out of here?
802
01:12:10,437 --> 01:12:12,270
Over here, Dad.
803
01:12:12,521 --> 01:12:13,561
Down here!
804
01:12:13,812 --> 01:12:15,853
Way to go, dude.
We stalled him.
805
01:12:16,062 --> 01:12:17,728
What else do I say?
806
01:12:17,979 --> 01:12:20,686
And now, opening for Iron Maiden...
807
01:12:20,937 --> 01:12:23,395
...Wyld Stallyns!
808
01:12:26,604 --> 01:12:29,270
- Come on, Bill, put your back into it.
- Ted?
809
01:12:29,521 --> 01:12:31,603
What in the hell
do you think you're doing?
810
01:12:31,937 --> 01:12:35,061
Trash can.
Remember a trash can!
811
01:12:35,312 --> 01:12:36,895
Trash can?
What are you talking about?
812
01:12:37,187 --> 01:12:40,186
- Get this thing off me, Ted!
- Sorry, Dad,
813
01:12:40,437 --> 01:12:42,728
but we've got to go pass
our history report.
814
01:12:42,979 --> 01:12:46,270
- Oh, by the way, I found your keys.
- Ted!
815
01:12:46,521 --> 01:12:49,436
Ted, where are you?
Get this off me! Ted!
816
01:12:56,021 --> 01:12:58,895
In conclusion,
I think Abraham Lincoln
817
01:12:59,146 --> 01:13:02,186
would be most impressed
with the world of San Dimas.
818
01:13:02,521 --> 01:13:06,436
I know I am.
819
01:13:14,312 --> 01:13:18,103
- Down the hall, to the left.
- Quiet.
820
01:13:19,479 --> 01:13:23,811
And I'm sure I speak for Mr. Ward
and Mrs. Rowe when I say
821
01:13:24,062 --> 01:13:26,436
that your reports were very entertaining
822
01:13:26,604 --> 01:13:28,686
and very informative for all of us.
823
01:13:29,604 --> 01:13:34,020
So, it seems we may be one report short
today, so we'll leave just a bit early.
824
01:13:36,854 --> 01:13:39,895
But once again, I want to thank you
all for your very hard work...
825
01:13:41,896 --> 01:13:43,561
Hey, who turned out the lights?
826
01:13:46,771 --> 01:13:48,936
Hello, San Dimas.
827
01:13:49,271 --> 01:13:53,603
Please welcome,
for the final report of the afternoon,
828
01:13:53,937 --> 01:13:55,478
from all throughout history,
829
01:13:55,729 --> 01:13:58,770
some of the greatest people
who have ever lived,
830
01:13:59,104 --> 01:14:03,520
in their 1988 World Tour!
831
01:14:11,562 --> 01:14:14,728
How's it going?
I'm Billy the Kid.
832
01:14:28,229 --> 01:14:30,978
I'd like y'all
to put your hands together.
833
01:14:37,729 --> 01:14:40,770
And now, my good friends,
834
01:14:41,021 --> 01:14:44,686
Bill S. Preston, Esquire,
835
01:14:44,896 --> 01:14:48,728
and Ted "Theodore" Logan!
Yee-haw!
836
01:14:49,062 --> 01:14:51,145
Thank you! Thank you!
837
01:14:51,896 --> 01:14:54,561
Hello, San Dimas High!
838
01:14:54,812 --> 01:15:00,603
Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished
classmates, teachers, babes.
839
01:15:01,396 --> 01:15:03,186
Our first speaker was born
840
01:15:03,437 --> 01:15:06,728
- in the year 470 B.C.
- Hi, long time no see.
841
01:15:07,104 --> 01:15:09,061
A time when much of the world
842
01:15:09,312 --> 01:15:12,561
looked like the cover of the
Led Zeppelin album "Houses of the Holy".
843
01:15:12,896 --> 01:15:14,270
We were there.
844
01:15:14,521 --> 01:15:18,270
There were many steps and columns.
It was most tranquil.
845
01:15:18,479 --> 01:15:22,186
He is sometimes known
as the father of modern thought.
846
01:15:22,479 --> 01:15:26,270
He was the teacher of Plato, who was in
turn the teacher of Aristotle.
847
01:15:26,479 --> 01:15:31,895
And, like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly
accused of corruption of the young.
848
01:15:32,146 --> 01:15:35,061
And since he doesn't speak English,
my friend Ted here,
849
01:15:35,312 --> 01:15:37,061
is going to interpret for him.
850
01:15:37,312 --> 01:15:40,020
So please welcome,
to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas,
851
01:15:40,271 --> 01:15:43,853
the most bodacious philosophiser
in Ancient Greece...
852
01:15:44,521 --> 01:15:46,103
...Socrates!
853
01:15:48,896 --> 01:15:51,978
...is totally out of control. And I think I got
a pretty good idea where he gets it from.
854
01:15:52,187 --> 01:15:55,061
I mean if you and that wife of yours
would show a little discipline
855
01:15:55,312 --> 01:15:57,186
maybe your son wouldn't be
such a bad influence.
856
01:15:57,437 --> 01:15:59,145
Oh, is discipline your key
to the success with Ted?
857
01:15:59,396 --> 01:16:02,061
Yes, it is! He's going to an
Alaskan military school!
858
01:16:02,354 --> 01:16:05,561
He loves you best...
859
01:16:08,146 --> 01:16:09,770
...in all the world.
860
01:16:10,771 --> 01:16:12,103
What are they doing up there?
861
01:16:13,729 --> 01:16:14,770
He also loves...
862
01:16:16,271 --> 01:16:17,561
...baseball!
863
01:16:18,604 --> 01:16:22,228
Therefore, Ted's father's
own fear of failure
864
01:16:22,479 --> 01:16:24,561
has caused him to make his son
865
01:16:24,771 --> 01:16:27,061
the embodiment of all of his own
866
01:16:27,312 --> 01:16:31,520
deepest anxieties about himself.
867
01:16:31,771 --> 01:16:36,561
And, hence, his aggression
transference onto Ted.
868
01:16:39,021 --> 01:16:42,020
- Whoa!
- OK, Ted?
869
01:16:44,312 --> 01:16:47,311
Yes, thank you very much,
Sigmund Freud.
870
01:16:48,812 --> 01:16:50,061
Hm?
871
01:16:51,187 --> 01:16:53,936
Nah, just got a minor Oedipal complex.
872
01:16:56,229 --> 01:16:58,686
It is indeed a pleasure
to introduce to you
873
01:16:58,937 --> 01:17:04,145
a gentleman we picked up in
Medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
874
01:17:04,437 --> 01:17:07,728
Please welcome
the very excellent barbarian...
875
01:17:07,979 --> 01:17:10,520
...Mr. Genghis Khan.
876
01:17:13,896 --> 01:17:19,145
This is a dude who, 700 years ago,
totally ravaged China.
877
01:17:19,396 --> 01:17:21,228
And who we are told, two hours ago,
878
01:17:21,437 --> 01:17:24,020
totally ravaged
Oshman's Sporting Goods.
879
01:17:26,479 --> 01:17:30,020
A most bodacious soldier,
and general,
880
01:17:30,271 --> 01:17:33,853
Miss Of Arc totally rousted
the English from France.
881
01:17:34,104 --> 01:17:37,561
And then she turned this dude,
Dauphin, into a king,
882
01:17:37,771 --> 01:17:40,395
and all this
by the time she was 17.
883
01:17:50,479 --> 01:17:52,270
...waterslide.
884
01:17:53,437 --> 01:17:56,645
The music of Ludwig van Beethoven.
885
01:18:00,187 --> 01:18:02,853
As you can see,
Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies
886
01:18:03,062 --> 01:18:05,061
because of the excellent sugar rush.
887
01:18:05,354 --> 01:18:08,145
He also loves billiards.
888
01:18:10,479 --> 01:18:13,686
Beethoven's favourite works
include Mozart's "Requiem",
889
01:18:13,937 --> 01:18:18,186
Handel's "Messiah",
and Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet".
890
01:18:18,479 --> 01:18:20,728
To improve on the condition
of her armies,
891
01:18:21,021 --> 01:18:25,061
Joan of Arc plans on instituting
a full scale aerobics programme
892
01:18:25,312 --> 01:18:27,061
on her return to France.
893
01:18:27,396 --> 01:18:29,270
I don't think it's gonna work.
894
01:18:29,937 --> 01:18:30,895
No?
895
01:18:34,021 --> 01:18:35,311
Triomphe, Napoleon.
896
01:18:42,229 --> 01:18:43,436
He loves...
897
01:18:45,146 --> 01:18:47,270
He loves San Dimas.
898
01:18:56,812 --> 01:18:59,436
And now, for our last speaker.
899
01:19:00,812 --> 01:19:05,561
One of the greatest presidents
in American history...
900
01:19:06,562 --> 01:19:10,436
...Mr. Abraham Lincoln.
901
01:19:30,646 --> 01:19:34,145
Four score and...
902
01:19:34,812 --> 01:19:36,770
...seven minutes ago,
903
01:19:37,104 --> 01:19:41,270
we, your forefathers,
904
01:19:41,521 --> 01:19:46,478
were brought forth
upon a most excellent adventure.
905
01:19:47,937 --> 01:19:51,686
Conceived by our new friends...
906
01:19:52,937 --> 01:19:54,270
...Bill...
907
01:19:56,271 --> 01:19:57,686
...and Ted.
908
01:19:59,604 --> 01:20:03,145
These two great gentlemen
909
01:20:03,312 --> 01:20:06,645
are dedicated to a proposition
910
01:20:06,896 --> 01:20:09,186
which was true in my time,
911
01:20:09,437 --> 01:20:12,520
just as it's true today.
912
01:20:16,146 --> 01:20:19,895
Be excellent to each other...
913
01:20:21,729 --> 01:20:23,811
...and...
914
01:20:24,396 --> 01:20:26,478
Party on, dudes!
915
01:20:34,937 --> 01:20:36,520
- No...
- Way!
916
01:20:46,979 --> 01:20:50,020
Thank you, San Dimas High!
917
01:21:17,646 --> 01:21:22,020
We want more! We want more!
918
01:21:28,812 --> 01:21:30,228
Intro.
919
01:21:30,479 --> 01:21:33,436
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
920
01:21:43,729 --> 01:21:46,145
- Bill?
- What's up, Ted?
921
01:21:48,229 --> 01:21:49,478
Well...
922
01:21:50,521 --> 01:21:52,686
we travelled through time.
923
01:21:52,771 --> 01:21:55,395
I mean, we met lots of great leaders,
924
01:21:55,646 --> 01:21:58,395
and we got an A-plus
on our history report...
925
01:21:59,562 --> 01:22:02,978
...but look at us, nothing's different.
926
01:22:05,646 --> 01:22:07,270
Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen.
927
01:22:09,229 --> 01:22:11,478
Maybe we should start
learning how to play.
928
01:22:13,104 --> 01:22:14,436
Maybe you're right, Ted.
929
01:22:29,937 --> 01:22:33,145
Hello, again, my excellent friends.
930
01:22:33,979 --> 01:22:34,936
Whoa!
931
01:22:35,271 --> 01:22:38,270
Congratulations on passing
your history report.
932
01:22:39,312 --> 01:22:40,311
Rufus.
933
01:22:40,562 --> 01:22:42,061
The babes!
934
01:22:42,312 --> 01:22:44,395
We looked all over England for you.
935
01:22:44,687 --> 01:22:47,270
Where'd you get those savoury clothes?
936
01:22:48,312 --> 01:22:51,436
Rufus introduced us
to a place called the mall.
937
01:22:51,604 --> 01:22:54,270
And something called credit cards.
938
01:22:55,521 --> 01:22:57,686
I got them out of England
just before they had to marry
939
01:22:57,896 --> 01:22:59,770
those royal ugly dudes.
940
01:23:00,062 --> 01:23:01,728
Way to go, Rufus.
941
01:23:11,521 --> 01:23:13,561
How can we ever thank you, Rufus?
942
01:23:13,812 --> 01:23:17,436
Well, you can start
by signing this for my kids.
943
01:23:18,354 --> 01:23:19,561
Why?
944
01:23:19,812 --> 01:23:21,561
They're big fans of yours.
945
01:23:21,771 --> 01:23:24,061
- What?
- Everyone is.
946
01:23:24,354 --> 01:23:28,895
Wyld Stallyns' music has become
the foundation of our whole society.
947
01:23:30,854 --> 01:23:32,270
No way.
948
01:23:32,604 --> 01:23:34,270
Yes way.
949
01:23:34,521 --> 01:23:37,061
In fact, I believe you were there.
950
01:23:37,354 --> 01:23:39,853
That futuristic place with the domes?
951
01:23:40,062 --> 01:23:43,520
And the totally excellent music.
952
01:23:43,812 --> 01:23:45,603
They totally worshipped us there, Rufus.
953
01:23:45,937 --> 01:23:46,978
I know.
954
01:23:47,229 --> 01:23:50,770
That's why I was sent to make sure
you passed your history report.
955
01:23:51,021 --> 01:23:55,270
If you guys were separated, it would have
been disastrous for life as we know it.
956
01:23:55,604 --> 01:24:01,145
You see, eventually your music will help
put an end to war and poverty.
957
01:24:01,437 --> 01:24:04,895
It will align the planets and
bring them into universal harmony,
958
01:24:05,146 --> 01:24:08,020
allowing meaningful contact
with all forms of life,
959
01:24:08,312 --> 01:24:13,186
from extraterrestrial beings
to common household pets.
960
01:24:13,354 --> 01:24:14,728
And...
961
01:24:14,854 --> 01:24:17,728
it's excellent for dancing.
962
01:24:18,021 --> 01:24:21,145
Whoa.
963
01:24:21,354 --> 01:24:23,811
Why don't you have the ladies
sign as well, would you please?
964
01:24:24,062 --> 01:24:26,895
- After all, they are in the band.
- They are?
965
01:24:27,146 --> 01:24:29,770
- Excellent.
- Excellent.
966
01:24:29,937 --> 01:24:32,061
Where are you going, Rufus?
967
01:24:33,229 --> 01:24:35,103
I got a surprise for you.
968
01:24:44,187 --> 01:24:46,436
Here.
969
01:24:46,604 --> 01:24:48,728
That's to help you
as you start your new band.
970
01:24:49,021 --> 01:24:50,520
Thanks, Rufus.
971
01:24:50,771 --> 01:24:54,561
Now I just have one further
humble request.
972
01:24:54,771 --> 01:24:58,228
If I might be so honoured
to jam with you?
973
01:24:59,312 --> 01:25:03,020
- Do you know how to play, Rufus?
- Well, I play a little.
974
01:25:22,854 --> 01:25:24,936
Whoa!
975
01:25:26,604 --> 01:25:28,853
Most outstanding, Rufus.
976
01:25:29,104 --> 01:25:30,270
Let's jam.
977
01:25:38,604 --> 01:25:40,978
- Bill, my friend?
- Yes, Ted, my friend?
978
01:25:41,187 --> 01:25:43,811
This has been
a most excellent adventure.
979
01:25:45,187 --> 01:25:46,145
- One...
- Two...
980
01:25:46,396 --> 01:25:47,936
One, two, three, four!
981
01:25:55,312 --> 01:25:56,561
They do get better.
69154
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