Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[CHUCKLES]

BETTE, COME HERE!

WHAT?

YOU'RE OVULATING.

I'M OVULATING.

LET'S MAKE A BABY.

LET'S MAKE A BABY.

WHY DON'T YOU GET DRESSED,

AND I'LL DROP YOU OFF OF MY WAY TO WORK.

HEY, TIM. GOOD LUCK.

BYE. THANKS.

AH! I AM SO READY.

IT'S COMING.

THANK YOU.

HI, SHANE.

SHE DOESN'T TALK TO ANYONE

BEFORE HER MORNING SHOT.

HERE, YOU GO, DON JUAN.

SHE'S A KID. A KID.

WHATEVER. IT'S FINE.

I MEAN, DON'T FREAK OUT.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, LATER, GUYS.

BYE!

BYE, LISA.

SEE YOU, SHANE.

WHOA, YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ALREADY?

YEAH, I'VE GOT A 9:00, GUYS. SEE YOU.

SEE YOU.

HELLO.

GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING.

I'LL MEET YOU AT THE DOCTOR'S.

HEY, WHAT TIME ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE AT WHAT'S HIS NAME'S?

11:00.

OKAY. BYE, GUYS.

OH, MY GOD,

IS IT HAPPENING TODAY?

IS WHAT TODAY?

THE INSEMINATION.

OH. MM...

YOU'LL DO IT AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE THIS TIME?

BUT FIRST, DAN FOXWORTHY.

NO WAY.

WHO? WHY DON'T I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

BECAUSE YOU DON'T READ.

AND WHAT ARE YOU, THE INTELLECTUAL OF LIFE?

DAN FOXWORTHY IS, LIKE, THE SUPER-EXCLUSIVE SHRINK

TO THE STARS.

HE WAS ON OUR LIST

OF L.A.'S BEST SELF-IMPROVEMENT GURUS.

HOW DID YOU GET THAT APPOINTMENT?

I JUST CALLED AND ASKED.

DON'T TELL BETTE I TOLD YOU, OKAY?

BUT WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED A SHRINK.

WE'RE JUST CHECKING IN.

WE'RE ABOUT TO DO THIS INCREDIBLY MAJOR THING.

BUT WAIT, YOU GUYS HAVE THE BEST RELATIONSHIP

OF ANYBODY I KNOW, GAY OR STRAIGHT.

I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE WE'RE GOOD.

SORRY.

HI.

COULD I OFFER YOU A RIDE?

I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

I MISSED YOU.

IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE?

THAT'S ALL I HAVE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE.

COME ON.

[EXHALES]

SHE'S ALWAYS RUNNING LATE.

THEN SHE HAD A MEETING WITH AN ARTIST.

BETTE'S THE DIRECTOR OF THE CALIFORNIA ART CENTER.

I SEE.

AND SHE'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE REALLY STRESSED ABOUT TIME.

AFTER THIS, WE HAVE TO GO GET SPERM.

WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY,

AND OUR FRIEND SEAN'S DONATING.

[DOOR OPENS]

SORRY I'M LATE.

JAMES, YEAH, I'VE GOT TO GO IN A MINUTE.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

THE ART WORK IS WAY TOO DELICATE,

IT'S BEING FLOWN IN FROM PARIS,

AND ANNIE IS ALREADY A COMPLETE AND TOTAL NERVOUS WRECK.

JUST CALL ADAMS FINE ART MOVERS.

TELL THEM, IF THEY WANT TO DO BUSINESS WITH CAC AGAIN...

EXACTLY.

OKAY, GREAT. THANKS. BYE.

OKAY, HERE I AM.

WE ARE HEADING NORTH RIGHT NOW TOWARDS THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS.

A LITTLE FURTHER TO THE RIGHT IS THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN,

AND IF YOU KEEP GOING ALL THE WAY IN THAT DIRECTION,

YOU HIT THE PACIFIC OCEAN.

OH, CAN WE GO?

YEAH, WHENEVER YOU WANT.

AS OFTEN AS YOU WANT.

[CARS HONKING]

DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT THE THINKING IS

BEHIND TRYING TO HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER

WHEN YOUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN PRETTY SHITTY

FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS?

IT'S NOT SHITTY.

IT MAY NOT BE PERFECT...

THERE'S A LOT MORE TO A RELATIONSHIP

THAN SEX.

WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SEVEN YEARS.

I KNOW PLENTY OF COUPLES WHO STILL HAVE SEX

AFTER SEVEN YEARS.

IT'S NOT LIKE WE NEVER HAVE SEX.

LOT OF HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES HAVE CHILDREN

WHEN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS AREN'T PERFECT.

YOU JUST OBVIOUSLY DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT HAPPENS IN A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP.

I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

I DON'T BELIEVE

THAT A STRAIGHT MALE THERAPIST

CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.

EARLY SEX IS PASSIONATE.

IT'S ILLICIT, EXCITING.

IT STILL HAS THAT...

[GASPS]

FACTOR,

BUT VERY QUICKLY A KIND OF SYMBIOSIS DEVELOPS.

IT ESPECIALLY HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO WOMEN

WHO ARE DOING THE WORK

OF MAKING A SERIOUS COMMITMENT

TO ONE ANOTHER,

AND WHEN THAT MERGING OCCURS,

THE INTENSE MUTUAL DEPENDENCY CAN BE A DETERRENT

TO SEXUAL INTIMACY.

OH, MY GOD.

THE LESBIAN URGE-TO-MERGE.

WE HAVE TO STOP NOW.

OH.

DO YOU WANT TO SCHEDULE ANOTHER SESSION?

WE'LL LET YOU KNOW.

I THINK TINA AND I NEED TO TALK.

WHAT ABOUT THIS INSEMINATION?

THAT'S NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION.

NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION?

NO, IT'S NOT.

I QUIT MY JOB.

I WAS A PRETTY SUCCESSFUL

DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE.

NOW I WANT TO RELAX

AND PREPARE MY BODY FOR PREGNANCY.

THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

I'M READY TO START A FAMILY.

WE'RE BOTH READY TO START A FAMILY.

RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY.

RIGHT.

OKAY. GREAT.

SO THIS IS IT.

THIS IS OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS OUR HOME.

IT'S VERY TRADITIONAL.

WAIT TILL YOU GET TO KNOW IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IT'S JUST, UH, NOT AS TRADITIONAL

AS YOU MIGHT THINK.

SO HERE'S YOUR NEW HOME.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M FINALLY HERE.

THIS HAS BEEN THE LONGEST SIX MONTHS

IN HISTORY, TIM.

YEAH, BUT YOUR STUDIO'S FINALLY READY.

[JENNY GASPS]

OKAY, SO THIS USED TO BE A GARAGE.

UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO.

I DID A REMODEL ON IT FOR YOU.

GO ON.

TRY IT OUT. COME ON.

OH, MY GOD!

I LOVE IT!

I HAVE TO GO, ALL RIGHT?

I'LL BE BACK SOON.

WHAT A FUCKING AUSPICIOUS OCCASION.

I'D LOVE TO BREAK OPEN A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE,

BUT I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK SOME TIME TODAY.

I'M SORRY IT'S NOT MORE ENTICING.

HEY, DON'T WORRY, I DO THIS ALL THE TIME.

[WHISPERING]: I LOVE HIS NEW WORK.

HE'S USING PAINT SO MUCH MORE FREELY.

YEAH, I DON'T REMEMBER HIS WORK HAVING THIS MUCH TEXTURE.

[SEAN GASPING]

[SEAN MOANING AND GRUNTING]

COME ON! OH!

I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE STRESSED OUT, HONEY.

I...

I KNOW THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME

CURATING FOR ME,

AND I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LOT OF SUPPORT...

OH...

HEY, LISTEN, THIS'LL LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD.

GUESS WHAT TINA HAS BETWEEN HER LEGS.

[LAUGHS]

CLOSE.

A JAR OF SEAN HEANEY'S SPERM.

I KID YOU NOT.

SHE'S KEEPING IT WARM.

WELL, SUPPOSEDLY, ONCE IT'S BEEN EJACULATED,

IT SURVIVES LONGER IF YOU KEEP IT AT BODY TEMPERATURE.

HUH?

OH, UH...

HOLD ON A SECOND.

UH, IT'S ONLY ABOUT HALF AN INCH,

BUT THEY SAY IT'S QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY.

GOD, IT'S REPUGNANT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO SWALLOW THAT STUFF.

YEAH, TINA SAID

I COULD SWIM HERE WHENEVER.

THEY'RE UPTIGHT AT THE CHATEAU.

HOW ARE THEY UPTIGHT?

WELL, THEY DON'T LET YOU SWIM NAKED.

IT IS A PUBLIC POOL.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS,

AND WHILE I'M GONE...

WELL, REMEMBER HOW I TOLD YOU

THAT THERE'S A FAIR AMOUNT OF EVIDENCE NOW

THAT IT'S MORE LIKELY TO TAKE IF YOU'RE AROUSED.

SHE'S NOT SERIOUS.

AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCK YOU RIGHT HERE?

I THINK IT WOULD HELP.

[LAUGHS]

THIS IS JUST...

THIS IS... THIS IS TOO WEIRD FOR ME,

I... I MEAN... I... I JUST... YOU KNOW, I REALLY...

FRANKLY, I FIND IT INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE

THAT SHE EVEN SUGGESTED IT.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I BET SHE WOULD NEVER DO THAT

WITH A STRAIGHT COUPLE.

[KNOCKING]

COME IN.

COULD YOU COME HERE A MINUTE, PLEASE?

YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

SHOULDN'T THEY BE MOVING MORE?

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO SHOW YOU.

I AM SO SORRY TO TELL YOU,

BUT THAT STUFF WOULDN'T GET ANYONE PREGNANT.

THOSE LITTLE FELLAS

JUST DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.

HELLO.

HI.

WHAT KIND OF, UM, POSITIONS

DO YOU HAVE AVAILABLE?

BECAUSE I MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR A JOB.

OH, UM, CASHIER.

REALLY?

YEAH.

EXCELLENT.

UM, COULD I HAVE AN APPLICATION?

YEAH.

GREAT.

OH, TINA, WHERE IS SHE?

THERE SHE IS.

AH!

YOUR LADYSHIP, PLEASE, DON'T JAR ANYTHING.

IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S GOING TO DISLODGE

IF SHE SITS DOWN TOO HARD, ALICE.

THERE'S NOTHING TO DISLODGE.

SEAN'S SPERM IS LACKLUSTER.

HE HAS LOW MOTILITY.

NO MOTILITY, ACTUALLY.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IT BY THE WAY HE FUCKS.

OH, CHRIST, ALICE.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND

BETWEEN DICK AND PUSSY?

AND SPARE US THE GORY BISEXUAL DETAILS, PLEASE.

WELL, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, DANA,

I'M LOOKING FOR THE SAME QUALITIES IN A MAN

AS I AM IN A WOMAN.

BIG TITS...

IT EXPLAINS WHY I HAVEN'T GOTTEN PREGNANT

AFTER TRYING FOR SIX MONTHS.

OH, SORRY, TEE.

HE WAS THE PERFECT DONOR.

HE WAS THE ONE WHO BETTE WANTED,

BUT MY EGG JUST IMPLANTED,

SO I COULD STILL CONCEIVE

ANY TIME OVER THE NEXT TWO OR THREE DAYS,

SO YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME FIND ANOTHER DONOR.

HOLD ON, NOW, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

SEAN'S JISM WAS NO GOOD.

AW. WE'LL FIND YOU SOMEONE ELSE.

WHO? I'VE GOT TWO DAYS.

WELL, BETWEEN THE FOUR OF US, WE'LL COME UP WITH SOMEONE.

WHAT, HE HAS TO BE HEALTHY, STRONG, CREATIVE, HANDSOME...

ARTISTIC.

THERE'S ALWAYS SHANE.

GUYS... HEY!

YOU KNOW, DO YOU HAVE TO DRESS LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME?

LIKE WHAT?

WELL, I WOULDN'T BE SEEN ON THE STREET WITH YOU.

YEAH?

I MEAN, EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THE WAY YOU'RE DRESSED,

LIKE, SCREAMS "DYKE."

GOD, DANA...

SORRY, MAN.

LOOK, IF I'M OUTED, I'M SCREWED, ALL RIGHT?

SPONSORS AREN'T CLAMORING TO BE REPPED

BY BIG OLD LEZZIE TENNIS PLAYERS.

NO, NO, NO, LOOK, IT'S COOL.

I TOTALLY DIG THE NEED TO MAKE A LIVING.

I'M MEETING A CLIENT ANYWAY.

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE GOING TO PICKLE

IN THAT SELF-LOATHING HOMOPHOBIA, I SWEAR.

YEAH? WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO SHRIVEL

IN THAT SELF-RIGHTEOUS PRIGGISHNESS.

YOU GUYS...

ALL RIGHT, WHO WOULD SQUIRT INTO A JAR

FOR YOU?

HELLO...

WHAT?

YOU ARE JUST SO GAY.

SO GAY.

I KNOW.

I KNOW...

DO YOU, UH... DO YOU KNOW

THE NEIGHBORS NEXT DOOR?

BETTE AND TINA?

YEAH. ARE THEY, UM, LIKE, A COUPLE?

YEAH, THEY ARE.

BECAUSE I SAW THEM HAVING SEX

IN THEIR POOL THIS AFTERNOON.

NO WAY. NOT BETTE AND TINA.

WHAT, THEY DON'T HAVE SEX?

NO, PROBABLY THEY DO,

IT'S JUST THAT...

YOU SURE YOU SAW THEM GETTING DOWN?

I SAW THEM GETTING WAY DOWN, TIM.

IS THAT RIGHT?

MM-HMM.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT?

OKAY.

THERE WAS THIS GIRL...

WITH SHORT BLACK HAIR...

AND SHE WALKS OUT,

AND SHE TAKES OFF HER CLOTHES

IN, LIKE, TWO SECONDS FLAT.

YEAH?

LIKE THIS?

I THINK IT WAS A LITTLE BIT FASTER.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH, I DO.

WE'LL WORK ON THAT.

OKAY.

AND THEN THERE WAS, UH, THIS BLONDE GIRL

WHO HAD THESE REALLY BEAUTIFUL BREASTS,

BUT I WASN'T REALLY WATCHING THAT CLOSELY.

OH, I THINK YOU WERE WATCHING...

VERY CLOSELY.

WHAT DID THEY DO NEXT?

COME ON.

THE TALL SKINNY ONE

TAKES THE BLONDE VAMPY ONE...

BACKS HER AGAINST THE SIDE OF THE POOL

AND THEN SHE BEGINS TO FUCK HER.

LIKE THIS?

OH, FUCK...

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

TRISH...

YOUR BACKSTROKE IS LOOKING MUCH BETTER.

OH, THANKS.

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD FOR USC.

YOU GUYS GOT

SOME EXTRA STROKE TRAINING SCHEDULED?

YEAH, TOMORROW AFTER PHYSICS, RIGHT?

YEAH.

HEY, DO YOU THINK

THAT YOU COULD MAYBE COME WITH ME

IN THE MORNING TO TALK TO DURST

ABOUT REPEATING MY MIDTERM?

I CAN'T REALLY DO IT IN THE MORNING.

MY GIRLFRIEND JENNY'S IN TOWN.

SHE WANTS ME TO TAKE HER CAR SHOPPING.

OH, SHE'S MOVING HERE?

YUP. SHE'S IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL.

OH.

TRISH...

MAYBE AFTER PRACTICE,

YOU AND I CAN GO TALK TO DURST TOGETHER.

OKAY.

[LAUGHS]

NOW, YOU KNOW

YOU JUST BROKE THAT GIRL'S HEART, RIGHT?

SORRY, MAN, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?

OH, MY GOD, IS THAT DANA FAIRBANKS

AT THE PLANET IN WEST HOLLYWOOD?

SHH! SHE DOESN'T WANT HER TENNIS FANS

TO KNOW SHE'S A GAY LADY.

FUNNY.

OKAY, FINE.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT BUTT WAXING?

WHO HAS HAIR ON THEIR BUTT?

I DON'T KNOW.

[GASPS]

AT LEAST I DON'T ANYMORE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRIM IT?

LISTEN, YOU GUYS, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGURE THIS ALL OUT

WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF MY WISDOM.

OH!

BETTE, TINA, GUESS, WHAT?

I HAD A GENIUS IDEA.

I HAVE SOLVED YOUR DONOR PROBLEM.

YOU TWO ARE HAVING A PARTY THIS SATURDAY NIGHT,

AND WE ARE INVITING ALL THE ELIGIBLE MEN WE KNOW.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, ALL TWO OF THEM.

NO, YEAH. GET THEM ALL TOGETHER AT ONE TIME.

RIGHT, JUST GO FISHING IN THE POND.

GREAT.

GREAT.

I'M LEAVING NOW.

I'M GOING TO CALL YOU ABOUT THAT!

OKAY.

BACK TO MY QUESTION, PLEASE.

OKAY...

TRIMMING IS ESSENTIAL.

YOU KNOW?

YOU JUST DO IT A FEW DAYS BEFORE YOU GET LAID.

ASSUMING YOU EVER DO.

WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

OTHERWISE YOU'LL NEVER HAVE BUSH CONFIDENCE.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE BUSH CONFIDENCE,

YOU WON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR BUSH,

AND YOU'LL NEVER GET LAID.

SO DEAL WITH IT.

OKAY.

DO YOU NEED ANY ROSEMARY?

IT'S KIND OF TAKING OVER MY GARDEN.

OH, HI.

DID I SCARE YOU? I'M SORRY.

OH, NO, NO. NOT AT ALL.

I'M JENNY.

I'M TINA.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

I WOULD LOVE SOME ROSEMARY.

THANKS.

I HAVE THIS STORY THAT I'VE WRITTEN

CALLED "THUS SPOKE SARAH SHUSTER..."

I FEEL LIKE

THAT'S, LIKE, THE LAST STORY THAT I EVER WANT TO WRITE

ABOUT BEING A STUDENT.

OH, YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND WHEN YOU GET OLDER.

I'M ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.

I'D LIKE A NEW CAREER.

YOU SHOULD DO IT.

YEAH?

MAYBE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS.

RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING TO HAVE A BABY.

REALLY?

BUT TIM SAID THAT YOU AND... BETTE...

YEAH.

WERE A COUPLE.

WE ARE.

OH.

AND I'M TRYING TO GET PREGNANT.

OH, MY GOD, YES. NO. YES.

WELL, EVERYTHING STILL WORKS.

YES.

WE CAN STILL HAVE BABIES.

IT'S JUST LIKE...

THERE WAS, LIKE, A MOMENTARY BRAIN LAPSE.

HEY, GUYS.

HEY.

HEY.

GAY DADS GROUP.

OH, MY GOD.

THEY MEET ONCE A WEEK

AT A HOUSE OVER ON OGDEN.

IT'S ALL VERY L.A., HUH?

NO, IT'S NICE.

UM, I SHOULD GO HOME AND WRITE.

OKAY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE ROSEMARY.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WE'RE HAVING A PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT.

OH, YEAH?

YOU AND TIM SHOULD COME.

OKAY. I'LL ASK TIM IF HE WANTS TO.

NICE MEETING YOU.

IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO, JENNY.

BYE.

[SIGHS]

HEY...

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, HUH?

CAN I SEE YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION?

LOOK, I REALLY GOT TO...

MA'AM.

OKAY. I...

HANG ON. HANG ON.

YOU KNOW, I WAS ON MY WAY TO MY FIRST PAYING GIG

IN OVER A YEAR.

YOU ARE SO OVERREACTING.

SHE IS OUR FRIEND.

OH! LIKE THAT'S EVER STOPPED YOU BEFORE.

LIKE THAT'S EVER STOPPED ANYONE BEFORE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

LESBIANS THINK FRIENDSHIP'S ANOTHER WORD

FOR FOREPLAY.

[LAUGHS]

HELLO. HOW YOU DOING?

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED

THAT EVERY TIME SHANE WALKS INTO A ROOM,

SOMEONE LEAVES CRYING?

SHANE?

YEAH? HEY...

HEY, HOW COME YOU DIDN'T CALL ME

THE OTHER NIGHT?

I LEFT, LIKE, FIVE MESSAGES.

OH. WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T HAD MY CELL PHONE,

SO WHEN I GO GET MY CELL PHONE, AND I CHECK MY MESSAGES,

I WILL CALL YOU.

ALL RIGHT?

IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU, THOUGH.

MM-HMM.

YOU TAKE CARE.

IT'S JUST WRONG.

YOU JUST CAN'T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

YOU HAVE TO TELL SHANE...

THAT THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.

OKAY. I'LL TELL HER.

HI.

HI. WELCOME.

[♪♪♪]

BETTE, EVERYONE,

I WANT YOU TO MEET

OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS.

THIS IS TIM...

OH, HI. OH, AND THIS MUST BE...

JENNY.

NICE TO MEET YOU. BETTE.

AND ALICE PIESZECKI

AND SHANE McCUTCHEON.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU DANA FAIRBANKS?

I'M SORRY. WHAT?

DANA FAIRBANKS.

YES. I AM.

I'M A HUGE FAN.

REALLY?

I SAW YOU ALMOST BEAT CAPRIOTI LAST YEAR

AT THE WOMEN'S INVITATIONAL.

GREAT. SHE'S GOING TO BE INSUFFERABLE.

OH, GOD, IT'S JUST ONE FAN.

IT'S OKAY.

JENNY, THIS IS DANA FAIRBANKS.

HI.

SHE'S ONE OF THE BEST PLAYERS

ON THE WOMEN'S TENNIS CIRCUIT RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS MY DOUBLES PARTNER, HARRISON LANDY.

UM, HONEY, THIS IS TIM...

TIM.

TIM AND JENNY.

GOOD TO MEET YOU.

JENNY.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? FIELD RESEARCH.

YEAH, THERE'S A SCIENTIST AT THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER

WHO SAYS THAT IF YOUR RING FINGER IS LONGER

THAN YOUR INDEX FINGER, IT MEANS YOU'RE A LESBIAN.

MM-HMM.

YEAH. TOTALLY GAY.

WAS THERE EVER ANY DOUBT?

OH, MY GOD, LOOK. I'M GAY, TOO.

THANK GOD.

OTHERWISE I'D HAVE TO LEAVE YOU.

ALICE MAKES THE TEAM, BUT JUST BARELY.

THIS MAY BE CONTROVERSIAL,

BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I MIGHT BE A LESBIAN, TOO.

OH, THAT'S SO WEIRD.

HER INDEX FINGER AND RING FINGER

ARE EXACTLY THE SAME LENGTH.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

MAYBE SHE'S BISEXUAL.

OH, LOOK, THERE'S SIMON BONHAM.

DANA AND HARRISON, CAN YOU MAKE

TIM AND JENNY A DRINK FOR ME?

YEAH, SURE, SURE, SURE.

UH, DRINKS? KITCHEN?

YEAH. GREAT.

SO TIM, DO YOU PLAY TENNIS?

'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A LITTLE ACTION.

OKAY, DRINKS.

UH, ACTUALLY, I'M A SWIM COACH.

OH.

ACCORDING TO OUR COMPUTER, MA'AM,

THIS LICENSE WAS REVOKED SIX MONTHS AGO.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT I WOULD CALL A TECHNICALITY.

IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL,

I SHOULD HAUL YOU DOWNTOWN AND THROW YOU IN JAIL.

I WAS ON MY WAY TO A GIG AT THE ROXY.

YEAH, Y... YOU KNOW IVAN NEVILLE, HE'S ON THE BILL WITH ME.

WELL, HE AND I WERE GOING TO CHECK OUT

AN AA MEETING TOGETHER.

IVAN NEVILLE OF THE NEVILLE BROTHERS?

YEAH.

GOD, I LOVE THE NEVILLE BROTHERS.

OH. OH, WE...

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THEM IN CONCERT?

WELL, ONCE, YEARS AGO.

BACK WHEN I WAS STATIONED IN NEW ORLEANS.

OH... WELL, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON STAGE,

FIVE FEET AWAY

FROM AARON AND HIS BROTHERS, PERFORMING?

SAY, LIKE, UH, UH...

A MONTH FROM NOW AT THE HOUSE OF BLUES?

YOU KNOW, I COULD HOOK YOU UP.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, THIS IS STILL REVOKED.

ALL RIGHT?

AND WE HAVE TO LEAVE THE CAR.

LIKE A TOUGH

SORT OF TENNIS PLAYER.

NO, I'D NEVER WEAR...

IT'S TOO MASCULINE FOR ME.

I WOULD NEVER WEAR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

I LIKE IT.

NO, IT LOOKS GREAT ON HIM, DOESN'T IT?

IT'S KIND OF SEXY.

WOW.

THIS IS VERY... A VERY INTERESTING PARTY.

OH, THAT'S BECAUSE

BETTE'S A BIG ART WORLD LADY,

SO THERE ARE A LOT OF ARTISTS.

YEAH, AND A LOT OF...

LEZZIES? MM-HMM.

REALLY? ARE THERE REALLY?

YOU KNOW, I HADN'T NOTICED THAT.

YEAH, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO MISS.

TINA TOLD ME THAT SHE AND BETTE

ARE THINKING ABOUT HAVING A BABY.

MM-HMM.

OH, THERE'S A LOT OF THAT GOING AROUND.

THEY EVEN HAD TO CHANGE THAT FAMOUS JOKE.

IT USED TO BE,

"WHAT DO LESBIANS BRING ON A SECOND DATE?

A MOVING VAN."

NOW IT'S,

"WHAT DO LESBIANS BRING

ON A SECOND DATE?

A TURKEY BASTER."

[DANA LAUGHING FORCIBLY]

THAT'S SO FUNNY.

HONEY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHY YOU'D KNOW THAT JOKE.

WHO'S HE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH, HUH?

EXCUSE ME.

COMMITMENT FROM YOU.

THAT'S REALLY NOT WHAT WE'RE...

EXCUSE ME. HI, I'M SORRY. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

EXCUSE ME, SIMON.

WHAT WAS I THINKING, WHAT?

INVITING THOSE GEEKY STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

I'M SORRY. NO OFFENSE.

I MEAN, I'VE GOT TO HANG ON HARRISON ALL NIGHT LONG

LIKE SOME BIG FAT HETERO.

EXCUSE ME, DANA.

WE REALLY LOVE YOU,

BUT IT'S NOT OUR CROSS TO BEAR

THAT YOU AND HARRISON HAVE DECIDED

TO MASQUERADE AS OZZIE AND HARRIET.

OKAY?

GREAT. THANKS.

SORRY, SIMON.

SO WHAT WAS I SAYING?

COMMITMENT.

OH, RIGHT, COMMITMENT.

WE WOULDN'T EXPECT ANY KIND OF COMMITMENT

FROM YOU, FINANCIAL OR OTHERWISE.

I MEAN, REALLY,

YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO KNOW THE CHILD

IF YOU DIDN'T...

ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU WANTED TO HAVE...

I MEAN, WE WOULD LIKE IT

IF OUR DONOR HAD A RELATIONSHIP

WITH OUR CHILD.

YEAH, BUT YOU'D HAVE TO SIGN A DONOR CONTRACT

RELINQUISHING ALL PARENTAL RIGHTS...

WHOA, BETTE, TINA, SLOW DOWN.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO WASTE YOUR BREATH.

WHAT?

I'M TOTALLY FLATTERED, BUT I JUST COULDN'T HANDLE IT.

I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THIS KID TURNS 17,

HIS LIFE'S A COMPLETE MESS, AND HE HATES BOTH OF YOUR GUTS,

AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW,

HE'S CAMPED OUT ON MY DOORSTEP

ASKING ME TO SAVE HIM FROM HIS MISERABLE FUCKING LIFE?

I CAN'T DO THAT.

UM...

[LAUGHING WEAKLY]

BEST FIRST FICTION?

YES.

WOW, ISN'T THAT, LIKE, A MAJOR PRIZE?

UM, I GUESS SO.

SO, UH, WHAT'S THE STORY ABOUT?

I HAVE THIS, UH, THIS CHARACTER THAT I WRITE ABOUT

THAT'S SORT OF LIKE THIS ALTER EGO,

BUT NOT REALLY,

AND THE STORY'S CALLED

"THUS SPOKE SARAH SHUSTER."

THAT'S PRETTY BOLD.

I HOPE YOU'RE GOOD.

UM, JENNY, THIS IS MARINA.

SHE OWNS THE PLANET.

IT'S A LITTLE CAFE DOWN ON SANTA MONICA...

YEAH, I... I WALKED BY THE OTHER DAY,

BUT IT WAS TOO CROWDED,

SO I DIDN'T GO IN.

IT GETS REALLY CROWDED, THANKS TO ALICE

WHO WROTE ME UP IN HER MAGAZINE.

ARE YOU A WRITER?

YEAH, FOR L.A. MAGAZINE.

YEAH, MORE OF A JOURNALIST.

LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM YOU.

I DON'T THINK IT'S DIFFERENT...

JENNY JUST WON THIS LITERARY PRIZE,

REALLY BIG,

FOR THE STORY SHE WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT,

"JUST SPOKE" SOMETHING...

OH, "THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA."

THAT'S A NIETZSCHE REFERENCE.

YEAH.

HAS YOUR STORY BEEN PUBLISHED?

YES.

IT'LL BE IN THE NEXT BEST AMERICAN SHORT STORIES.

RIGHT?

WHICH IS... I DON'T KNOW IF I TOLD YOU,

BUT I WRITE A LOT OF "BEST OF" PIECES.

THAT'S WHERE I DISCOVERED AMY BLOOM.

I READ THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY SHE WROTE

CALLED, UM...

SILVER WATER.

"COME TO ME."

THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE COLLECTIONS.

I THINK THAT I'VE PROBABLY READ

EVERYTHING THAT AMY BLOOM HAS EVER WRITTEN.

I'M ABOUT TO START ON THIS "BEST COSMETICS UNDER $100."

OH.

THERE'S SUPPOSEDLY THIS GUY IN CALABASAS

WHO DOES THESE BOTOX INJECTIONS FOR 75 BUCKS A POP.

OH. ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL?

HAVE YOU READ ANYTHING

BY ANNE CARSON?

"AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF RED..."

"EROS THE BITTERSWEET."

I THINK THOSE BOOKS

PRACTICALLY CHANGED MY LIFE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU. HAVE YOU READ THEM?

YES.

WOW!

YOU GUYS SHOULD TOTALLY TAKE

THE COSMO ROMANCE COMPATIBILITY QUIZ.

WELL, THIS WOULD BE MY SINGULAR ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY QUESTION.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE...

NO, NO, YOUR MOST...

INFLUENTIAL, IMPORTANT, LIFE-ALTERING BOOK

OF ALL TIME?

I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO ANSWER THAT.

WHAT'S YOURS?

I ASKED YOU FIRST.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

JENNY, YOU COULD WHISPER YOURS IN THIS EAR,

AND MARINA, YOU WHISPER YOURS IN THIS EAR,

AND I'LL TELL YOU IF YOU'RE COMPATIBLE.

[MUTTERING]: I THINK I ALREADY KNOW.

WHATEVER.

I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE TO GET MARRIED.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

BETTE WAS SET ON AN ARTIST,

BUT SHE SAYS THAT YOU HAVE EXQUISITE TASTE

IN THE WORK THAT YOU SHOW IN YOUR GALLERY.

I DO.

AW... YOU SAID THAT?

MM-HMM.

I COULDN'T BE MORE FLATTERED.

I KNOW YOU TWO ARE GOING TO BE WONDERFUL MOTHERS,

AND I BET YOU'LL HAVE GUYS LINING UP AROUND THE BLOCK,

BEGGING TO JERK OFF FOR YOU.

ROBIN, ARE YOU SETTING US UP FOR A TURN-DOWN?

BELIEVE ME, IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU GUYS.

NO, I HAVE NO RESERVATIONS ABOUT YOU TWO.

IT'S MY OWN GENETIC SHORTCOMINGS,

WHICH I WOULDN'T WANT TO PASS ON TO ANY CHILD.

I MEAN, LOOK HOW BOW-LEGGED I AM.

IT'S A FAMILY TRAIT.

OH, THAT'S CUTE. WE COULD LIVE WITH THAT.

I ALSO CARRY THE GENE FOR BUCK TEETH.

MY MOTHER AND MY THREE SISTERS ARE ALL...

THERE ARE ALWAYS BRACES.

WE ALSO HAVE A PROPENSITY FOR SHINGLES,

EARLY ONSET MANIC DEPRESSION.

BOTH TREATABLE.

PREMATURE HAIR LOSS,

AMONG THE WOMEN AS WELL AS THE MEN...

WE COULD GET ONE OF THOSE...

A WEAVE.

ALSO A HIDEOUS TENDENCY TO DROOL...

OKAY.

WE GET THE PICTURE.

WE GET IT.

OKAY.

YUP.

THANK YOU.

THANKS, ROBIN.

SURE.

SORRY. GOOD LUCK.

I'M REALLY SORRY YOU MISSED YOUR GIG.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT YOU CAR?

YEAH.

YEAH, DON'T GO BEATING YOURSELF UP

OVER IT.

YOU ARE ONE DECENT HUMAN BEING,

AND THAT'S RARE IN THIS SOULLESS TOWN.

KEEP IT REAL.

ALL RIGHT.

NO WAY.

KIT! HI!

HEY, GIRL, WHAT'S UP?

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HOW YOU DOING?

COME ON IN. WELCOME.

YEAH, THANKS, GIRL.

HEY.

THERE YOU ARE.

I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE WASHROOM.

DO YOU WANT TO...

YOU WERE ON THE OLYMPIC SWIM TEAM?

YEAH, I WAS.

THIS IS AMAZING.

I HAVE A PROJECT ABOUT COMPETITIVE SWIMMING,

BUT WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO CRACK THE STORY.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED?

THERE WAS THIS ONE INCREDIBLY DRAMATIC THING

THAT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS SWIMMING FOR U OF CHICAGO.

WE HAD THIS ONE GUY ON THE TEAM

THAT WAS PROBABLY THE BEST SWIMMER...

TIM, TAKE ME HOME.

JEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET...

I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME HOME NOW.

EXCUSE ME.

YEAH, SURE.

UM, LOOK, OBVIOUSLY, I... I HAVE TO GO.

IT WAS GOOD TALKING TO YOU.

YEAH, YOU, TOO. THANK YOU.

OKAY. IS YOUR SISTER, LIKE, THE COOLEST PERSON ON EARTH

OR WHAT?

WHAT'S KIT DOING HERE?

YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE.

JEN, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION.

DO YOU WANT TO AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?

I FELT WEIRD.

THAT'S PRETTY VAGUE, JEN,

EVEN FOR YOU.

YOU FELT WEIRD.

WHAT ARE YOU...

JEN, COME ON.

WE NEED TO TALK.

JEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

J...

JEN...

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME

WHY YOU'RE NOT AT YOUR GIG

AT THE ROXY?

WELL, THAT WAS SOMETHING I CAME OVER HERE TO TELL YOU...

BETTE, YOU NEVER TOLD ME

THAT KIT PORTER WAS YOUR SISTER.

WOW.

MY HALF-SISTER.

GUESS WHICH HALF.

THAT IS EXTREMELY COOL.

JEREMY BLOCK. I SAID HI EARLIER.

I SAW YOU PLAY A COUPLE YEARS AGO

AT THE HOLLYWOOD ROOSEVELT.

YOU... YOU'RE AWESOME.

OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE VERY KIND.

NO, REALLY.

WE'RE PUTTING TOGETHER THE SOUNDTRACK

TO A PICTURE I'M PRODUCING.

WE'RE WORKING

WITH A BUNCH OF CLASSIC JAZZ AND BLUES LADIES,

AND I GUARANTEE HE WILL COMPLETELY DIG YOU.

WELL, I WAS ABOUT TO GET INTO SOMETHING, HERE,

WITH MY BABY SISTER...

I'M SURE IT CAN WAIT.

I'VE GOT A HOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE.

WELL, COME ON.

THE PARTY'S IN THE BACK ROOM

AT LES DEUX.

ARE YOU SURE?

IT'S A POTENTIAL GIG. YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY GO.

OKAY.

YEAH, WELL, HEY,

WHY DON'T I RIDE WITH YOU?

SURE.

[YAWNING]

WHAT AN EGO BRUISER.

THREE TURN-DOWNS IN ONE NIGHT.

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH OUR PITCH?

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU GUYS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S... IT'S THE NEW MALE.

WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MEN?

I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN WITH A MAN.

WELL, THE NEW MALE IS MORE SPIRITUAL

THAN THE OLD MALE.

YOU KNOW, HE SEES HIS SPERM

AS AN EXTENSION OF HIS INNER BEING.

WHEREAS THE OLD MALE SHOT INTO ANY FEMALE

WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN,

THE NEW MALE TOTALLY CARES WHAT BECOMES OF HIS SEED.

OH, MY GOD, IT'S YODA.

YEAH, THEY TEACH THAT AT HAIRDRESSER SCHOOL,

BY THE WAY.

WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.

WHY DID THEY HAVE TO GET ALL SENSITIVE ON US

JUST WHEN WE NEEDED THEM

TO KEEP ON BEING THE SAME OLD ASSHOLES?

I DON'T KNOW.

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO GO.

DON'T GO.

GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.

BYE.

BYE.

SHE'S TOTALLY GOING HOME WITH THAT GIRL.

I'M SORRY.

OH, MY GOD. GET OFF OF ME.

HARRISON, THE PARTY'S OVER.

WE CAN GO BACK TO BEING GAY.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

YOU GUYS NEED HELP CLEANING UP?

WE GOT IT.

YEAH, SONIA'S COMING IN TOMORROW.

OKAY, GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.

GOOD NIGHT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

BYE-BYE.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

OH, SHIT.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN OUT HERE?

I COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

YOU WERE TOTALLY OUT.

YEAH, WELL, SOMEBODY WORE ME OUT.

I CAME OUT HERE AROUND 3:00...

IN THE MORNING,

AND THEN I STARTED TO WRITE,

AND THAT WAS SO SCARY.

IT'S A WHOLE NEW PLACE, JEN.

IT'S JUST GOING TO TAKE YOU AWHILE

TO FIND YOUR GROOVE.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER TOLD ME

WHY YOU WERE SO UPSET LAST NIGHT.

UM...

BECAUSE I WAS JUST A LITTLE DRUNK.

I HOPE I DIDN'T RUIN YOUR NIGHT.

NO, I THINK IT TURNED OUT

PRETTY WELL.

OKAY.

WHAT DID YOU THINK?

YEAH.

OKAY, EVERYBODY,

LET'S GET THOSE BUTTS UP OUT OF THE SADDLE

AND GET ON THE ROAD.

THAT FUCKING PARTY MADE ME SO DEPRESSED.

WE HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE MONTH

BEFORE ANOTHER INSEMINATION.

AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOMEBODY TO WAIT WITH.

AT LEAST THERE'S SOMEBODY IN BED NEXT TO YOU

WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, YOU KNOW?

NOW, EVERYONE, DROP YOUR HEADS,

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SET YOUR INTENTIONS.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

TO GOSSIP WITH YOUR FRIENDS?

TO CHANGE YOUR BODY?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THE NEXT 40 MINUTES?

A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR SPECTACULAR TITS

WOULD BE NICE.

SO GO FOR IT.

NO!

BESIDES, SHE'S STRAIGHT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I'M SO ATTRACTED TO HER.

EVERY TIME I'M ATTRACTED TO SOMEBODY,

SHE'S EITHER UNAVAILABLE

OR STRAIGHT.

DANA!

JENNY!

HEY.

HEY, ARE YOU HERE BY YOURSELF?

YEAH. I AM BY MYSELF,

BUT I'M GOING TO GO HOME AND MAKE A SANDWICH.

OH, NO, WE'VE GOT A TABLE.

COME SIT WITH US.

OKAY. OKAY.

THIS INSTRUCTOR RECOMMENDED THIS WORKSHOP

CALLED ALL WRITE, W-R-I-T-E...

AND THIS INSTRUCTOR MEETS WITH YOU

AND DOES THIS THING CALLED BODYWORK,

YOU KNOW, TO HELP YOU GET IN TOUCH

WITH YOUR INNER VOICE,

WHICH I THOUGHT WAS WEIRD.

HEY...

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT MY MAGAZINE,

BECAUSE WE SOMETIMES DO THESE RESOURCE LISTS

FOR THE CREATIVE COMMUNITY.

OH, OKAY.

OR, YOU KNOW, UCLA MIGHT BE YOUR BEST BET.

NO. I DON'T WANT TO...

I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

MARINA HAS A READING GROUP.

YOU GUYS MET THE OTHER NIGHT.

HI, JENNY.

HEY...

SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE PLANET?

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S NICE.

YOU WANT TO COME TO MY READING GROUP?

YES.

THAT MEANS I CAN READ ONE OF YOUR STORIES.

YOU CAN READ ANYTHING YOU WANT.

YOU KNOW, ANYTHING.

OH, SHIT.

OH, GOD, IT'S LATE.

YOU KNOW, I, UH, I'M STARTING A NEW TOUR,

SO I SHOULD GO PRACTICE.

I'M GOING TO FOLLOW YOU GUYS OUT.

JENNY, GOOD LUCK.

YES. THANK YOU.

I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE FOUND WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR.

BYE, ALICE.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. YOU'LL BE OKAY?

YEAH, I'M GOOD.

OF COURSE SHE'S OKAY.

YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT?

NO, I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD.

I, UH...

I HOPE I DIDN'T UPSET YOU THE OTHER NIGHT...

NO...

YOU DIDN'T UPSET ME.

I JUST, UH, I CAME HERE

TO SAY THAT I'M NOT...

I'M NOT...

A BIG COFFEE DRINKER?

I HAVE TO GO.

I HAVE TO GO.

TIM IS GOING TO BE HOME AT 5:00.

SO...

IT... IT'S ONLY 2:00.

SO I NEED...

DON'T GET SO UPSET. IT'S ONLY 2:00.

I KNOW, BUT I NEED TO BE THERE...

WHEN HE CALLS, OKAY?

OKAY.

I'LL WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR.

OKAY.

YEAH?

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

FOR WHAT?

TURNING YOU INTO A SPEED FREAK?

IS THIS YOUR CAR?

YES.

I MEAN, THIS IS TIM'S CAR.

IT'S EMBARRASSING.

A MUSCLE CAR.

IT'S SEXY.

ARE YOU BUSY TOMORROW NIGHT?

DO YOU WANT TO COME TO RADAR?

WHAT'S RADAR?

IT'S A SPECIAL NIGHT WE DO HERE ON TUESDAYS.

RIGHT.

UM...

NO, THANK YOU.

OKAY.

CALL ME IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.

OKAY.

I COULD DO THIS. YES.

AND YOU HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE CONCEPT

OF BRINGING A CHILD INTO THE WORLD

AND HAVING ABSOLUTELY NO SAY

AS TO HOW HE OR SHE IS RAISED?

I MUST HAVE CHILDREN ALL OVER THE WORLD.

NOW, WHY WOULD I HAVE A PROBLEM

WITH THIS ONE?

I WILL SIGN THE DONOR'S CONTRACT NOW.

JEAN PAUL, I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE

OR ANYTHING,

BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY, UH, MEDICAL PROBLEMS,

ANY HISTORY OF FAMILY ILLNESSES, OR...

HEALTH IS EXCELLENT

IN THE CHAMOIS FAMILY.

JEAN PAUL, I KNOW YOU SAY

THAT YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH ALL OF THIS,

BUT JUST THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE.

WHERE IS THIS CONTRACT?

MM-HMM, AND WHEN WE DO THIS?

WHEN TINA'S NEXT OVULATING.

YOU WANT TO DO THIS HERE IN MY BED?

BON. BON.

OR YOU WANT ME TO COME TO YOU?

UH...

UM...

WHEREVER YOU WANT.

WE'LL GIVE YOU A STERILE CUP.

I MEAN, OR IF YOU PREFER,

IF YOU NEED YOUR PRIVACY,

I CAN COME BACK LATER AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED

AND PICK IT UP.

CUP?

WHAT IS THIS CUP?

OH, IT'S A SPECIMEN CUP.

YOU EJACULATE INTO IT.

OH, NO, NO, NO, WE DON'T DO THAT WAY.

WE DO AS A MAN AND A WOMAN.

OH, JEAN PAUL, I'M SORRY,

I JUST THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT...

DO YOU WANT IT TO BE ALL THREE?

BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE FINE.

IT IS GOING TO BE YOUR BABY, TOO.

NO.

NO? JUST ME AND HER THEN. BON.

JEAN PAUL, NOT ONLY ARE WE MONOGAMOUS,

WE DON'T SLEEP WITH MEN.

BUT TO HAVE A BABY, THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.

IT'S JUST NOT AN OPTION FOR US, OKAY?

BUT FOR ME, IT IS THE ONLY OPTION.

AN OBLIGATION.

I COULD NOT BRING A BABY INTO THIS WORLD

WHO WAS NOT CONCEIVED THROUGH THE PASSIONATE...

MM, MM...

BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.

HEY!

THE PENIS. THE PUSSY. THE BABY.

YOU KNOW?

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

ZE PENIS, ZE PUSSY, ZE BABY?

OH, GOD, I SWEAR...

COME ON, TEE, IT'S FUNNY.

I'M SORRY, I DON'T FIND IT FUNNY.

WELL, TRY.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

ABOUT THESE THINGS.

OH, WELL, I GUESS

YOU'LL JUST TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR THE BOTH OF US.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

WHAT? WHAT AM I DOING?

WE'VE GOT MARY AND WE'VE GOT TRISH

AND I THINK WE...

HEY, RANDY.

HEY.

HEY.

WOW. YOU LOOK AMAZING.

THANKS.

DAMN.

I THINK I'M GOING TO DITCH RANDY

AND TAKE YOU OUT MYSELF.

DO YOU WANT TO COME?

'CAUSE WE'VE GOT

A SHITLOAD OF WORK TO DO,

BUT YOU DO LOOK GREAT.

THANK YOU.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE LATE.

OKAY.

OKAY.

GOOD-BYE.

BYE, RANDY.

GOODNIGHT.

WHERE'S SHE OFF TO

ALL DOLLED UP LIKE THAT?

UH, THE PLANET.

THEY'RE HAVING SOME KIND OF SPECIAL PARTY OR SOMETHING.

AND YOU'RE LETTING HER GO ALONE?

I'M MAKING HER GO.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT MANY PEOPLE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW IT, BUT SHE'S KIND OF A RECLUSE.

UH...

HI.

HELLO, JENNY.

UH...

IT'S ALL WOMEN.

OH, YEAH, RADAR IS A WOMEN'S PARTY.

SORRY. SORRY.

THAT'S THE ONE I'M TALKING ABOUT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HOT. SO HOT.

HI.

HI, JENNY.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE COMING OUT TONIGHT.

YEAH, MARINA INVITED ME.

HEY, HEY.

HELLO.

I THOUGHT SHE'D LIKE RADAR.

BETTE'S SISTER KIT

DOES A POETRY NIGHT.

I THINK YOU'D ENJOY IT.

UM...

WHERE IS BETTE?

SHE'S AT WORK. THEY'RE STILL FIGHTING.

OH, MY GOD, THERE ARE SO MANY HOT GIRLS HERE.

[WHISTLES]

HI.

HI.

HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD.

I'M GOING TO GO PLAY POOL,

SO SEE YOU ALL LATER.

YOU SHOULD HAVE HIT ON HER

WHEN WE FIRST CAME IN.

I DON'T GET IT.

I MEAN, WHAT DOES SHANE HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE?

IT HAS TO DO WITH HER ATTITUDE.

I'VE GOT ATTITUDE.

IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S SO WITHHOLDING.

NO.

IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S SO CONFIDENT.

NO, IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S STUPID,

AND STUPID PEOPLE ARE TOO DUMB TO BE INSECURE.

DANA, SHE'S YOUR FRIEND.

IT'S CONFIDENCE, OKAY?

I'M TELLING YOU.

AND IT'S BECAUSE OF HER NIPPLES.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S BECAUSE OF HER NIPPLES?

SHE HAS THE BEST NIPPLES IN TOWN,

AND SHE KNOWS IT.

OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO RIGHT.

SHE HAS NIPPLE CONFIDENCE.

THEY ARE NICE.

YEAH, THEY'RE SMALL

AND THEY'RE PERFECTLY FORMED.

I WONDER IF I COULD SELL A STORY ON L.A.'S BEST NIPPLES.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE, RIGHT?

I THINK I'LL JUST WANDER AROUND FOR A BIT.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, I'M GOOD.

HI, THERE.

NO, THANK YOU.

THE TOTAL IS...

$77.83, SO I GIVE YOU THE CARD...

HERE, AND I HAVE TO DO THIS...

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO SIGN IT.

THANK YOU.

THANKS, GUYS.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

OKAY, WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?

I'LL DO THAT.

OKAY.

SO DO YOU LIKE

LIVING IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?

UM, I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S OKAY, I GUESS.

YOU DON'T MIND THAT THERE ARE

A LOT OF HOMOS AND STUFF AROUND?

WHAT?

DON'T GET ME WRONG.

THEY SEEM PRETTY COOL TO ME,

BUT AREN'T THEY ALWAYS, LIKE,

CHECKING OUT YOUR BOYFRIEND AND STUFF?

NO.

CUSTOMER.

OH, MY GOD.

PAGE ME IF YOU NEED HELP.

COME ON.

I WANT TO SEE YOU CHECK ME OUT.

OKAY.

I'M SORRY...

ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

I SHOULD HAVE...

I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT LIKE THAT.

I FEEL REALLY SILLY.

I FEEL REALLY, REALLY SILLY,

AND I THINK I KIND OF FREAKED OUT,

AND NOT BECAUSE IT WAS A GAY BAR, OKAY?

BUT BECAUSE I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA

WHAT I WAS DOING THERE, YOU KNOW?

OKAY, UM...

THE TOTAL IS $54.05.

I HOPE THEY OVERPAY THEIR EMPLOYEES

AS MUCH AS THEY

OVERCHARGE THEIR CUSTOMERS.

DO YOU WANT TO COME TO MY READING GROUP?

IT'S ONE WEEK FROM MONDAY.

I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE TO CHECK WITH TIM.

THERE YOU GO.

UM, MARINA...

IS YOUR READING GROUP A GAY GROUP?

NO.

THERE ARE STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

YOU LOOK CUTE WITH THE LITTLE APRON ON.

OH. YES. OKAY.

I'M SORRY.

WE GET TOGETHER ONCE A MONTH.

FIVE COUPLES.

$50 PER COUPLE IS OUR LIMIT.

REALLY?

JENNY AND I BELONGED TO A GAME

BACK IN CHICAGO.

SHE'S NOT A VERY GOOD CHEATER, THOUGH.

I AM NOT A CHEATER.

EXCUSE ME?

I AM NOT A CHEATER.

TIM LIKES TO SAY THAT I'M A CHEATER,

BECAUSE TIM IS ALWAYS LOSING,

RIGHT, TIM?

COME ON, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

NOT NEVER, ANYWAY.

ONCE I WENT OUT UP THREE WHOLE DOLLARS.

YOU GUYS SHOULD COME TOMORROW NIGHT.

WE CAN ALWAYS MAKE ROOM FOR ANOTHER COUPLE,

RIGHT?

COOL.

WHAT TIME DO YOU GUYS START?

UM, I CAN'T.

I HAVE THAT BOOK CLUB THING.

SO JUST CALL AND CANCEL.

I MEAN, THIS WILL BE FUN.

MAYBE WE CAN BECOME REGULARS.

I COMMITTED.

SO UN-COMMIT.

I MEAN, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

BECAUSE IT'S ONLY ONCE A MONTH,

AND I'VE BEEN REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

OH, GOD, YOU REALLY WANT ME TO CANCEL?

NO.

GO ON.

UM, WE WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

JUST KEEP US IN MIND, THOUGH.

SURE, MAN.

HEY.

HEY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE HANGING THE SHOW.

ANNIE'S GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.

I THOUGHT WE COULD SPEND

THE REST OF THE EVENING TOGETHER.

OH.

I NEED EXERCISE.

I'M FEELING A LITTLE TENSE.

FINE.

I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE CALLED FIRST.

YEAH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

THAT CAROLYN SEE IS IN YOUR GROUP.

I KNOW.

A GREAT MIND IS SUCH A TURN-ON.

I'M SO HAPPY THAT I CAME.

I FEEL VERY, VERY INSPIRED TONIGHT.

GOOD, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

YES.

MAYBE NEXT TIME

YOU'LL READ ONE OF YOUR STORIES.

NO.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO

ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.

TINA. HI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M JUST EXORCISING SOME DEMONS.

YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.

I DO?

YEAH.

YOU'RE GETTING GREAT DEFINITION

RIGHT HERE.

YOUR LATISSIMUS DORSI.

THEY'RE REALLY STARTING TO POP.

ARE YOU GETTING A GOOD STRETCH

IN YOUR HIP FLEXORS?

I'VE GOT TO GO.

BETTE CAME HOME JUST TO BE WITH ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.

TINA...

I'M STARTING TO SEE SOME PRIVATE CLIENTS

VERY SELECTIVELY.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

YEAH.

I WILL.

GOODNIGHT.

GOODNIGHT.

I HAD A REALLY GREAT TIME.

GOOD. I'M GLAD.

HAVE SWEET DREAMS.

LOOK, IF YOU REALLY WANT

TO GO BACK TO DAN FOXWORTHY,

THAT'S FINE BY ME.

I'LL MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.

TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE FREE.

JUST MAKE THE APPOINTMENT AND TELL ME WHEN IT IS.

TOMORROW AT 3:15.

I WAS GOING TO SEE HIM BY MYSELF,

BUT I'D RATHER YOU COME WITH ME.

TO JENNY BEING IN L.A.

THANK YOU.

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I MISSED YOU A LOT.

I MISSED YOU, TOO.

AREN'T THEY CUTE?

ADORABLE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

LET'S ORDER.

ALL RIGHT.

ARE YOU GUYS STILL FIGHTING?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MAN.

CAN YOU JUST GET THEM TO GRILL IT?

MY WIFE DOESN'T SEEM TO THINK I NEED ALL THAT BREADING.

YOU DON'T.

HE DOESN'T.

YOU'RE GETTING A PAUNCH.

OOH.

HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

HI.

OH, MAN.

THAT GIRL IS SO HOT.

SHE DOESN'T REALLY LOOK LIKE SHE'S GAY.

RANDY.

WHAT?

MARINA'S NOT GAY, IS SHE?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

I THINK SHE'S WITH THAT BLONDE WITH THE CUTE HAIRCUT.

YOU THINK SHE'S CUTE?

CUTE.

NOW, I DIDN'T SAY I WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HER.

I JUST SAID SHE'S...

WELL, I...

I LIKE THE ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE A ROCK STAR.

IF I HAD TO BE WITH A WOMAN,

I THINK SHE'D BE MY TYPE.

I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.

WINE'S NOT BAD, HUH?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THE SAME THING YOU'RE DOING HERE,

I IMAGINE.

WELL, I'M FINDING IT VERY DISTRACTING.

DO YOU?

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

STOP IT.

I HAVE TO GO.

HEY.

STOPPED AT THE PLANET, GOT YOU A CUP OF COFFEE.

"SHE DRIFTED ACROSS THE EXPANSE,

"LIFTED THE FIRST VEIL.

THE AIR ITSELF..."

I'M SORRY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M JUST A LITTLE TENSE.

YOU GO OFF TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY

AND YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE DEAL WORKED OUT.

AND, UM...

I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT I'M DOING IN L.A.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING WELL.

I MEAN, YOU'RE WRITING.

YOU'RE WORKING, A JOB THAT YOU WANTED,

AND YOU EVEN MADE A FEW NEW FRIENDS, RIGHT?

I JUST FEEL

LIKE IT'S KIND OF A LITTLE SCARY RIGHT NOW.

FEELING A BIT, UM...

OVERWHELMED.

DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME.

I'M NOT THE ENEMY.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

YOU COULDN'T BE MORE SUPPORTIVE OF ME.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

YOU WANT TO GET THAT?

HELLO?

HI.

UH...

YEAH. HOW ARE YOU?

OH, OKAY.

YES, NO PROBLEM.

OKAY. OKAY.

BYE.

UM...

THAT WAS, UH...

THAT WAS MARINA.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE DINNER ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

WE DON'T HAVE PLANS,

DO WE?

BECAUSE IF WE DO, I CAN RESCHEDULE THEM.

NO, GO AHEAD. FINE.

WE WERE JUST GOING TO GET TOGETHER

AND WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE BOOK CLUB...

BUT, TIM, I THINK I SHOULD CALL HER BACK

AND TELL HER THAT YOU AND I

NEED TO SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER.

JENNY...

I HAVE A BASKETBALL GAME WITH THE DEPARTMENT HEADS

SATURDAY NIGHT.

GO. HAVE DINNER WITH MARINA.

IT'S FINE.

OKAY.

THANK YOU.

SHE SAID SHE WAS COMING.

IT WAS KIND OF LAST MINUTE, THOUGH.

SO YOU THINK SHE MIGHT NOT BE SHOWING UP?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE WE SHOULD SPEND A LITTLE TIME TALKING ABOUT YOU.

[DOOR OPENS]

I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT I HAVE A REALLY GOOD EXCUSE.

SO DON'T MAKE THIS EASY ON ME.

I HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT DONOR.

WHO?

MARCUS ALLENWOOD.

HE'S AN ARTIST,

AND HE'S JUST BEEN SELECTED FOR THE NEXT WHITNEY BIENNIAL.

I HAD A SERIOUS CONVERSATION

WITH HIM.

BUT I'VE NEVER MET HIM.

NO, BUT I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU AND I ARE LOOKING FOR,

AND HE IS SO PERFECT.

HE EVEN HAS A KID,

SO WE KNOW HE CAN GET SOMEONE PREGNANT.

I'VE NEVER MET HIM.

YOU WILL MEET HIM TOMORROW.

HE'S COMING BY THE HOUSE AT 11:00,

AND YOU'RE TAKING HIM TO THE CRYOBANK.

HE'S LEAVING THE NEXT DAY

FOR COLOGNE.

HE'S IN A GROUP SHOW.

TEE, HE'S WILLING TO DO THIS FOR US

SO WE CAN HAVE THE SPERM ON ICE FOR WHEN YOU'RE NEXT OVULATING.

IT'LL BE THERE

WHEN WE WANT TO USE IT.

MARCUS?

TINA, RIGHT?

UM...

I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF THE BEDROOM,

AND, UH...

HAVE A SEAT.

AND THEN WE'LL GO TO THE CRYOBANK.

OKAY.

FUCK.

READY?

TINA,

DID BETTE NOT TELL YOU I WAS BLACK?

NO, NOT AT ALL,

BUT, I MEAN, SHE DIDN'T NOT TELL ME,

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER EITHER WAY.

RIGHT?

I CAN'T ANSWER THAT FOR YOU.

NO.

UH, OKAY.

ARE YOU READY TO GO?

LET'S DO IT.

HI.

I'M TINA KENNARD,

AND I'M HERE WITH MY FRIEND.

HE'S HERE TO MAKE A...

DEPOSIT.

MARCUS, RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT SAYS HERE YOU'VE RECENTLY BEEN HIV TESTED.

I HAVE ALL MY PAPERWORK.

THEN HERE'S ALL YOU NEED FROM ME.

THE BATHROOM IS DOWN THE HALL

ON THE LEFT,

AND THERE ARE MAGAZINES IN THERE IF YOU NEED ANY ENCOURAGEMENT.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WOW.

THAT'S A PRETTY SERIOUS DECISION TO MAKE.

ISN'T IT?

YOU MUST HAVE GIVEN IT A LOT OF THOUGHT,

BECAUSE REALLY BIG MEN LIKE THAT TEND TO MAKE REALLY BIG BABIES.

YOU'LL PROBABLY BE LOOKING AT A C-SECTION.

HI.

WHAT'S UP?

HEY. SHE'S, UH...

SHE'S IN THE BACK.

BYE. SEE YOU.

SEE YOU LATER.

BYE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I GOT THIS VAGUE BUT URGENT MESSAGE FROM ALICE.

GREAT.

YOU PUT ME IN A FUCKING AWKWARD POSITION.

HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME

THAT MARCUS ALLENWOOD IS BLACK?

GOD, I...

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE.

I...

I JUST DIDN'T THINK

IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM FOR YOU

TO USE A BLACK DONOR.

I DIDN'T SAY I DIDN'T WANT A BLACK DONOR.

I JUST THINK WE SHOULD HAVE DISCUSSED IT.

WE ABSOLUTELY DISCUSSED IT, TINA.

RIGHT IN THE VERY BEGINNING,

WE SAID THAT IF YOU

WERE GOING TO BE THE BIRTH MOTHER,

THAT WE SHOULD CONSIDER FINDING

AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN DONOR.

THAT WAY, THE CHILD WOULD BE MORE LIKE OUR CHILD.

BUT I WASN'T PREPARED.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

OTHER THAN...

BEING COMMITTED TO SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME,

WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED TO DO TO PREPARE?

LOOK AT ME, BETTE.

I DON'T FEEL QUALIFIED TO BE THE MOTHER OF A CHILD

WHO'S HALF AFRICAN-AMERICAN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE BLACK.

I THINK I CAN MAKE A CONTRIBUTION

IN THAT DEPARTMENT.

AND DON'T YOU THINK, ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE,

TO ALSO HAVE TWO MOMS,

THAT IS A LOT OF OTHERNESS

TO PUT ON ONE CHILD?

YOUR REACTION TO MARCUS ALLENWOOD,

HOWEVER HONEST IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN,

COMES ACROSS TO BETTE

LIKE A REJECTION OF HER IDENTITY.

I LOVE BETTE,

AND I LOVE WHO SHE IS.

I JUST WASN'T READY FOR HOW I WOULD REACT.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SAYS TO ME?

THAT WE'RE NOT READY TO HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER?

"BECAUSE SARAH SHUSTER CAME DOWN

"AND NOW SHE REVILES YOU

LIKE YOU REVILE YOUR OWN CRAVING."

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOU SCARE ME SOMETIMES.

I SEE YOU GOING RIGHT TO THAT EDGE,

AND I THINK I'VE LOST YOU,

AND THEN YOU COME BACK WITH...

AND I KNOW WHY YOU HAD TO DISAPPEAR ON ME LIKE THAT.

I'M SO FUCKING PROUD TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.

I'M SO PROUD TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.

DO YOU KNOW THAT?

THERE'S SOMETHING

I WANTED TO GET THIS AFTERNOON BEFORE MY GAME.

I'M GOING TO GO DO THAT.

HMM. I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT TIME DOES MILK START?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST ASK DANA TO GO?

YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS

ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO WORK THAT OUT.

WELL, I'M SURE SHANE'S GOING TO BE THERE.

YEAH, WHY NOT?

OF COURSE SHE IS.

OH, REALLY?

HOLD ON.

WHERE YOU GOING?

I DON'T KNOW.

DOESN'T THE PROGRAM START AT 7:30?

YEP.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME.

YOU CAN GO OUT WITH ALICE AND SHANE

IF YOU WANT.

SHIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T GO.

YEAH, BETTE'S GIVING AN ART TALK AT THE C.A.C.

YEAH. NO.

ALL RIGHT. HAVE FUN. BYE.

WHEN SHE LOOKS AT YOU,

SHE'S NOT LOOKING

AT A BLACK WOMAN OR A WHITE WOMAN.

SHE'S LOOKING AT THE WOMAN SHE LOVES.

SHE SEES WHAT SHE WANTS TO SEE.

MAYBE SHE SEES WHAT YOU LET HER SEE.

I MEAN, MAYBE THIS WASN'T IMPORTANT BEFORE.

MAYBE WHAT'S WORKED BEST FOR YOU ALL THESE YEARS,

GETTING YOUR PRETTY THINGS

AND, YOU KNOW,

PUTTING TOGETHER YOUR PRETTY LIFE,

IS THAT YOU LET PEOPLE

SEE WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

NOTHING.

JUST...

MAYBE IT'S BEEN EASIER FOR YOU THAT WAY.

THAT'S NICE.

THAT'S REALLY NICE.

OH, COME ON. DON'T WALK OUT.

OH, COME ON, GIRL. DON'T WALK OUT OF HERE.

DON'T WALK OUT OF HERE LIKE THIS.

WE'VE GOT TO STOP DOING THIS TO EACH OTHER.

WE?

OKAY, I'VE GOT TO STOP DOING IT.

I'M THE ONE THAT ALWAYS RAN AWAY, OKAY?

BUT DON'T DO WHAT I DID.

STAY, HEAR ME OUT,

BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO SAY

WHAT YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SAY.

THERE'S...

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING

THAT CUTS ACROSS ALL OUR REALITIES.

IT'S LOVE,

THE BRIDGE BETWEEN ALL OUR DIFFERENCES,

AND YOU HAVE SO MUCH LOVE IN YOUR LIFE.

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TEAR DOWN THAT BRIDGE?

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW.

SO YOU CALLED SHANE, RIGHT?

I THOUGHT YOU DID.

I THOUGHT YOU DID.

I TOLD YOU TO CALL HER.

I SWEAR YOU SAID YOU WERE CALLING.

NO, I SAID, "YOU CALL HER."

HOW DO WE DRAW THE LINE

THAT SIGNIFIES WHETHER AN IMAGE READS AS PORNOGRAPHY?

I MEAN, WHO GETS TO SAY WHAT PASSES AS ART

AND WHAT IS OBSCENITY?

THE DEBATE

HAS BEEN TAKEN UP BY LAURIE PAPOU

IN A SERIES OF PAINTINGS ENTITLED A GROUP OF SEVEN.

PLEASE WELCOME LAURIE.

[APPLAUSE]

SO, LAURIE,

TO WHAT EXTENT IS THIS BODY OF WORK

MEANT TO BE READ AS A NARRATIVE?

SHE'S AWESOME, YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

SHE IS, ISN'T SHE?

SOMETIMES I FORGET.

YOU TWO ARE A REALLY BEAUTIFUL COUPLE.

I MEAN THAT.

YOU'RE REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

WHY IS IT SO DEPRESSING?

BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME FACES,

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT,

WEEK AFTER WEEK.

FLOATING CLUBS, FLOATING GIRLS.

OH.

SHE'S CUTE.

SHE'S BEEN WITH TWO OF MY EXES.

I'M STAYING OUT OF THAT VICIOUS CYCLE.

IT'S AMAZING.

THIS IS WHERE I COME

WHEN I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.

SOMETIMES WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP,

I...

LIE DOWN RIGHT HERE

AND I WATCH THE SUN RISE.

THIS IS VULGAR, I KNOW,

BUT THE TWO OF YOU ARE JUST SO FUCKING SEXY.

NO OFFENSE.

IT'S HARD TO TAKE OFFENSE AT THAT.

I'M GOING TO GET A DRINK.

CAN I GET EITHER OF YOU ANYTHING?

I'M GOOD, THANKS.

NO, THANKS. I'M FINE.

ALL RIGHT.

SEE?

HE'S HITTING ON US.

HE IS.

GOD, THAT HASN'T HAPPENED IN A WHILE.

I HAVE A THOUGHT.

IT MIGHT BE CRAZY.

WHAT?

I KNOW YOU'RE OVULATING.

DO YOU THINK HE'S ATTRACTIVE?

IS HE A GOOD ARTIST?

WHO CARES?

WHAT ABOUT DAN FOXWORTHY?

OH, FUCK DAN FOXWORTHY.

IT'S OUR LIFE.

WE DON'T NEED HIS PERMISSION

TO DO WHAT WE THINK IS RIGHT FOR US.

AND YOU'RE OKAY...

I WANT TO HAVE A BABY WITH YOU,

AND IF WE MAKE IT TOGETHER,

THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME TO KNOW IT'S OUR BABY.

OKAY.

YEAH?

YEAH.

YOU SURE?

YEAH.

SHE'S NOT MY TYPE.

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S

BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK A FEW TIMES,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

OH, OH, OH.

NOW, SHE'S CUTE,

AND I HAVEN'T SEEN HER BEFORE.

IS IT POSSIBLE?

FRESH MEAT.

NEW BLOOD.

CRISPY.

UH-UH.

JUST LOOK AT ME, OKAY?

[♪♪♪]

TINA,

WHY DON'T YOU MAKE BETTE WET?

IT WOULD BE REALLY NICE

IF YOU MADE LOVE TO TINA

WHILE I'M MAKING LOVE TO YOU.

IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN THAT WAY.

HOW IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN?

I THINK YOU SHOULD MAKE LOVE TO TINA

WHILE TINA MAKES LOVE TO ME.

OKAY, THAT'S COOL.

WHY DON'T YOU TWO...

LIE DOWN?

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT?

IN YOUR HAND.

IT'S A CONDOM, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS A RUBBER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH IT?

WELL, SOME WOULD SAY I'M BEING CONSIDERATE.

WE DON'T WANT YOU TO USE IT.

WHY?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

WE JUST DON'T. OKAY?

OH, MAN.

THAT'S GREAT.

WHENEVER DYKES WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A GUY,

IT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY'RE TRYING TO STEAL HIS SPERM?

IT AIN'T HAPPENING, GUYS.

BYE, GUYS.

SEE YOU.

GIVE ME A CALL LATER.

OH, YEAH.

WANT TO COME TO MY PLACE?

OH, PLEASE.

I'M NOT THAT DESPERATE.

FUCK YOU, ALICE.

NEITHER AM I.

DANA!

WHAT?

I'M JUST...

I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

WHO SLEEPS WITH HER FRIENDS.

NEITHER DO I.

RIGHT, OKAY.

LET'S NOT HAVE SEX.

NO, NEVER.

OKAY.

NEVER.

THAT WAS REALLY CRAZY.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GENIUS PLAN.

YOU DID?

YEAH.

WERE YOU TURNED ON BY HIM?

NO.

THIS IS YOU.

JENNY?

THAT YOU?

I'M COMING.

YOU SMELL DIFFERENT.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A NEW PERFUME.

I LIKED THE OLD ONE BETTER.

OKAY, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO YOU.

COME HERE.

IT'LL BE FUN.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS,

BECAUSE I'VE ONLY SLEPT WITH TWO GIRLS

MY WHOLE LIFE,

AND I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU REPEAT THAT,

I WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU.

MM. DON'T WORRY.

YOUR REPUTATION AS A STUD

IS TOTALLY SAFE WITH ME.

OKAY.

OKAY.

SO...

OH, GOD.

OKAY. NAME NAMES.

OKAY.

THERE WAS THE COUNSELOR

AT TENNIS CAMP

WHEN I WAS 15,

WHICH YOU KNOW ABOUT.

MM-HMM. NAME.

SHE'S FAMOUS NOW. I CAN'T TELL YOU HER NAME.

OH, GOD.

OKAY, UH, RALPH. WE'LL CALL HER RALPH.

OKAY, NOW, SECOND NAME.

MELANIE.

MEL...

I KNEW IT.

I ALWAYS...

I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT.

NO, YOU DIDN'T, BUT I KNEW.

OKAY, LET'S SEE

HOW MANY PEOPLE IT TAKES

TO LINK YOU AND ME.

WHATEVER.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

OKAY.

MELANIE SLEPT WITH HEATHER.

OKAY.

HEATHER SLEPT WITH BROOKE.

HEATHER SLEPT WITH BROOKE?

YES.

BROOKE SLEPT WITH NINA,

AND I SLEPT WITH NINA.

SEE THAT?

WOW, YEAH.

SO, FOUR.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

THAT IS HOW MANY PEOPLE IT TAKES

TO LINK YOU TO ME.

OKAY.

OKAY, SO YOU AND TINA.

OH, WELL, THAT'S EASY.

ONE.

OKAY.

OKAY, I GET IT.

OOH, OOH.

OKAY, I HAVE A GOOD ONE.

HERE. CHECK IT OUT.

REALLY GOOD.

I KNOW.

NOW, SHE LEADS US RIGHT BACK TO SHANE.

OH, GOD.

RIGHT.

NOW, SHE COULD HAVE US HERE ALL NIGHT.

IT'S LIKE THIS

WHOLE, CRAZY, TINY, LITTLE WORLD.

CRAZY, YES...

BUT NOT TINY.

[♪♪♪]

I'M SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

COME HERE.

JEN...

JEN, YOU AWAKE?

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

JEN...

BREAKFAST IS READY.

HEY.

HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THIS EARLY?

I'M GOING HOME.

FROM?

NEVER MIND.

YEAH.

YOU TOTALLY JUST GOT LAID, DIDN'T YOU?

AH, YOU SEE?

NOW, THAT GIVES ME HOPE,

BECAUSE I LOVE KNOWING

THAT TWO PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO LONG

CAN STILL MAKE EACH OTHER THAT HAPPY.

WELL...

YEAH.

ANYWAY, UM...

HAVE A GOOD MORNING.

OKAY.

OKAY. I'M GOING TO GO.

OKAY. 'BYE, GUYS.

YOU BE GOOD.

I'M GOING TO TRY.

SEE YOU.

[♪♪♪]