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I wish you a Merry Christmas.

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

Hot chocolate for sale.

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

Wow.

Hot chocolate for sale.

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

I wish you Merry Christmas.

OK, stop singing.

What is this?

What's going on here?

Hot chocolate for sale.

Hi, Ms. Karen, would you like yours

with or without marshmallows?

Oh, this is a residential street.

I know.

I live here.

And I live right there.

OK?

I'm trying to watch Judy Justice.

You can't sell lemonade on the street.

It's hot chocolate.

Where's your permit?

Huh?

Your Florida sales permit?

Just as I thought.

It's a good thing I called the police.

What?

What is going on here?

We got a call about an illegal business being

operated out of this home.

What?

Ma'am, I'd like to speak to you inside about that,

if you don't mind.

Of course, sir.

Robin better watch what she says

or she'll get her ass slapped right into jail.

I hope your mother doesn't have to go

downtown to the police station.

I'm willing to forgive and forget

if you shut down this illegal operation

and go hide in your room.

Scat!

And your little dog too.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, hot chocolate for free.

No.

No.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Something's wrong with this.

Yeah, you ordered a dry eggnog cappuccino brave heavy cream,

six shot venti, five pumps sugar free white mocha, low milk,

not no milk.

Four pumps hazelnut, six honey, a double caramel drizzle.

Yeah.

This was made with 2%.

I'm on Keto and I'm not going to get my full fat balance

for the day.

I haven't had a slice of bread in six weeks.

Are you trying to kill me?

I specifically asked for this to be poured and it was stirred.

Poured.

Take it back.

And I want a biscotti.

These are an extra $4, but they are really good.

No biscotti.

You've upped your prices again. and you need to discount that.

Because I'm a churchgoing woman who

will not pay $6.66 for a drink.

Don't make me go to another coffee shop.

Hand sanitizer?

I'll take some.

Me too.

So ladies, tell me.

What is the latest dish the dirt?

I know what this is.

Oh, that was the wrong tube.

It was my happy gel.

And some napkins.

Looks like Brad's got Karen.

And make it to go.

Don't worry.

She does this all the time.

And I do this all the time.

Voila.

Nice.

That's better.

Make it right the first time and maybe I'll tip you.

Nah.

Oh, great.

Gift to a lost soul.

I'll give you this.

Do your part and throw it away for me.

Oh, thanks, Karen.

What?

I need a little Valium and a lot of wine.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You scratched my car.

Who are your parents?

What's your phone number?

Lawsuit pending.

Next time you leap out in front of my car, I just won't break.

And you will be toast.

Toast!

Would you like to donate $1 to help save

the homeless mother shelter?

That house for street walkers?

Let it die and be done with it.

Abstinence.

Decrease the excess copulation.

Here.

OK.

Um, this expired four years ago.

Are you new here?

Every store in this town honors my coupons.

The only reason I came in here is because they're all closed.

Christmas Eve.

Well, ma'am.

Ma'am?

Oh, don't you ma'am me.

Don't you, ma'am me.

Did she just say mammy?

Well, Caroline, I would like to speak to your manager.

Assistant manager to register four.

Did I say assistant manager?

I want to speak to your manager.

La señora? Hi.

Can I help you?

You can help me find the manager.

I wish to speak to the manager.

I want to speak to the manager.

I'm the manager on duty.

How dare you talk back to me.

I'm here to help you, ma'am.

Ma'am?

Oh, that's it.

This conversation is over.

I'm calling corporate.

We are privately owned.

Oh, my God, I will pay for one of her bottles of wine

if she'll just get the hell out of here.

Yes, I would like the corporate

office number for [muffled].

I don't want to be put on hold.

I don't care.

Yes, Karen Whitehead.

And put me on the phone with someone

who speaks better English.

Drinking juice.

Drinking juice.

It's going to be delicious.

Dee, do, do.

Dee. do, do.

Dee.

Two minutes, pot pie time.

Pot pie.

The chicken and the veggies and the chicken and the veggies

and the pot pie time.

I'll do that tomorrow.

That better be Amazon with the right size jeggings this time.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly.

Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Leave me alone!

No solicitors.

I hate school break.

You know what?

No Christmas.

No carolers.

Christmas bugs me.

It's Florida.

It's hot as hell.

Oh, why you little sh--

Hey, Karen.

Get off my porch, trespasser.

I'm coming in, Karen.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, this wine has an extra kick.

Oh.

Pot pie.

What up, biatch?

Yum.

Right, care bear?

It is really dark in here.

Better.

Listen, I don't know what the hell or who the hell you are,

lady.

But nobody calls me care bear except my old boss.

Jackie?

Jackie Morley, is that you?

Yeah, it's me.

Spoon.

But you died 20 years ago.

This very night, during your neighborhood Christmas party.

Are you going to save some for the rest of us?

Did you just take the last bacon wrapped tater tot?

It was like right here.

That was a bad ass heart attack.

I don't even know what caused it.

I don't think we'll ever know.

Hey, Jackie, how about you not eat all my ice cream?

Silence!

Seriously?

Ugh.

You're not real.

You're not real.

All right, look, I came here to warn

you that you are on a super fast track to end up just like me.

Are you even listening to me?

Mm-mm.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Is it-- is it like just you?

Mm-hmm.

Aw, you never found a man.

I don't need a man, like you.

That's right.

I was never married.

But I always had a married man.

Now, are you-- are you still doing that house to house

progressive Christmas party?

No. No.

No?

There's too many people of color in the neighborhood now.

Wow.

Honey, you are so screwed.

Screwed.

Well, how am I-- wait. Wait.

- Wait for what now? - What?

I'm like you.

You were great.

Arrogant and entitled and ignorant.

OK, turns out those aren't good things.

Blew your mind.

And you do not want to end up like us.

See?

There are so many lost souls out there.

And we wander the Earth among the living.

Doomed to witness the simple acts of human kindness.

Jeez.

Kindness that we were too stingy with

and our lifetimes.

And in this endless purgatory, we

are bound by the indiscretions of our past.

Behold.

OK.

I where the chains I forged in life.

You are a hallucination just brought

on by cheap wine and Canadian painkillers

and a burnt pot pie, bad gravy.

Ooh.

Enough with the chains.

What the hell happened to you?

You were a bad babe that was always in everybody's business.

OK, but what was my business?

Overcharging customers, bullying suppliers,

banging my friends' husbands.

That's the--

Kindness should have been my business.

Human welfare should have been my business.

You said, the people that are on food stamps are just taken--

Oh, my God.

Charity, mercy, chastity should have been my business.

Enough with the chastity.

Anyway, the reason that I am here

is to let you know that there is a way

that you can escape my fate.

Well, you did always have dirt to dish.

So hit me.

All right, you are going to be visited by three spirits.

No way.

No.

Ghosts, Karen.

G-g-g-ghosts.

The first one's going to be here in about an hour.

Tonight?

Yup.

And then another and then another.

Can I just take them all at one time and be done with it?

Super kinky.

And nope.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to join the others

and be frickin' miserable.

Don't step on the bush.

Don't step on the-- you stepped on the bushes.

Jackie?

Oh, never mind.

Never mind.

Intruder alert.

Police--

What do you--

what do you want?

It's all good.

It's all good.

Bring it down a notch.

Tap the brakes a bad.

Chill Bill, yo.

Just attack me.

Get it over with.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no. No, girl.

Ain't nothing got me climbing up into that--

none of this glory is going anywhere near that hole.

Wait.

Are you the spirit Jackie said would visit me?

Oh, Coochie Chain.

We call her Coochie Chain.

Yeah.

I'm the ghost of past Christmases.

Way in the past?

No, just-- just your past.

I'm like a guardian angel just assigned

to you and a couple other hoes.

Who?

Just you, as far as you're concerned.

So let's go.

You can kiss my ass.

I will burn your ass and serve it up as a hot meal

to some shrieking banshees.

Karen.

Did I say that out loud?

Oops.

Sorry about that.

My bad.

So let's go.

Where?

You'll see.

Just touch my hand.

But, um--

What.

Never touched the hand of someone like me?

No, no. It's not that.

It's just you've been out there with all those other spirits

and when was the last time you washed your hands.

Just touch my hand.

See?

Now we're in the past.

Way back in the day before your house

was built, before your neighborhood existed.

How far back?

43 years, when you were a little girl.

That's impossible because I'm only 39.

Right.

Remember, I know everything.

OK, girlfriend?

I'm kind of nostalgic that way.

Now we need to find your younger self.

I lived about a mile that way.

Then here we go.

Walk with me.

On the first day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree.

Nine maidens dancing.

eight maids a milking, seven swans

a swimming, six geese a laying.

Five--

Hasn't it been a mile already?

Just about.

Well, can't we fly or step into a dimensional--

Let's keep it real, Karen.

Give me a break.

Well, let go of my hand.

They built this highway after you were a kid.

Truck.

Truck.

Maybe you should go back to holding my head.

OK, don't let go.

Five golden rings.

Oh, God, no.

Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

Here we are.

Oh.

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

I'm counting down the days.

Christmas time is here again.

Everybody's coming to town.

Santa I got someone special I was thinking of.

I'm hoping you can help me out.

Look.

Holy Frieda.

Wax that unibrow.

It's our old nativity set.

It's the evil twins, Max and Marty.

Remember, these are shadows of things that have been.

They won't know who we are.

So it's like we're invisible?

Oh, shit.

No.

I said they don't know you.

I didn't say you were wearing a cloaking device.

Sorry, Max.

How did you know my name?

Stranger danger, Max.

Stranger danger.

Mommy!

So be careful what you touch.

Now, come on.

Come on. What's wrong with you?

Let's go.

I don't want to.

It's too much for me.

I don't want to see my mom.

What's wrong with you?

Don't you remember anything?

Your parents were never home, especially this night.

You were a latchkey kid.

So the only one that's going to open that damn door is--

Me.

Hi, I'm Karen.

Um, hi.

Would you like to come in and join us for tea?

Um, well, I don't think you should do that.

Just invite strangers into your house.

Kitchen cleans and disinfects.

filled with the stockings and lots of toys,

soldiers deployed.

and the miniatures too.

Tell Mom and Dad we take credit cards too.

Ho, ho, ho.

Here we go, Brother's Toys.

Ho, ho, ho.

Man, our old TV.

And now, back to our movie marathon.

Well, kind sir, what shall I put you down for?

They still play this movie for 24 hours every Christmas Eve.

Just go with it.

Maddy and me--

Maddy and I.

Maddy and me are having tea.

Maddy, this is--

Ka-- uh, Carrie Underwood.

And I'm Kanye.

Yay.

Carrie Underwood just loves how you set the table, Maddy.

Oh, honey.

You don't want to do that to the box.

These dolls are worth much more mint in box.

If you just hadn't ruined it.

I'm sorry.

Karen, it-- it's just--

was I always the stupid as a child?

No.

But you were that lonely.

You didn't know it at the time, but your path to Karen

began this very night.

I don't know if it was how Max and Marty teased you,

Karen's got cooties.

Nobody likes you.

And your parents left you alone too go to a cocktail

party on Christmas Eve.

You were lonely, but not forever.

Let's see another Christmas.

Just touch my chest.

You got to be kidding?

Come on.

Touch it.

God, Todd you are such a homo.

Todd.

Don't talk to your mother that way or I'll

take back your training bra.

You can't take it back because you're wearing it.

Give it here.

- Skittle tits. - Twinkie.

- Chewbacca. - Ah!

Skittle tits.

Skittle tits.

You haven't spoken to your brother in what?

Years.

You know Todd got married to a man.

Yeah.

Well, to each their own.

Yeah, well, that's not what you say when you

pass gay couples on the street.

And Todd's your brother, Karen.

I miss him.

Todd.

Stop pulling my hair.

Oh, hello.

Are you the new babysitters?

What?

Oh, so now Mom wants to start using babysitters.

This is all your fault, Todd.

You've been acting so weird lately.

This isn't fair.

No.

You're the babysitter.

I'm just--

You let go.

We're back to the future, as it were.

Their future, your present.

Who was he?

I thought you'd know. Tenant?

Squatter?

My parents sold this house years ago.

What am I doing?

I'm a ghost.

You can't-- you already shot Rudolph once.

What a dick.

Karen, wait up.

I'll get us a ride.

- You call ride share? - That was us.

Thank you, brother.

Get in.

Get in.

Let's go.

Good evening, lady and gentleman and everything in between.

So you're going to the warehouse district?

You got it.

That's right over here.

Such a short ride.

Oh, my Gaia.

What the hell?

You're the lady give me zero stars.

Then you'll call my manager to complain

so you can get a free ride.

That's the one.

Free ride, baby.

And she told your manager you should go back to your country.

Oh, hell no.

Get out.

Crazy lady and artist formerly known as Prince.

But we got like a mile to go.

Have fun walking, jackass.

Don't call me again.

That was a perfectly good free ride share

I had to lie my ass off to get.

Girl, you going there again.

Aren't you getting what this is all about here?

Sorry. Jeez.

Look, I get it.

You were picked on and you were lonely.

Then you ended up with a gloriously gay brother.

But you need to get into the spirit

like "Miracle on 34th Street."

But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

Because you're never in the Christmas spirit.

Where are you going?

And this ain't no "It's A Wonderful Life."

I ain't waiting on no wings.

And I've got better things to do than to listen to your sorry

ass whine about this and at.

OK.

I need a drink.

Where are we?

At a bar.

Hallelujah.

Karen, get with the program.

This is the present, the bar is in the past.

You know the cocktail bar you worked at?

The Fizzy Pig?

Let's go.

Let's go.

Well, to get to that part of your past,

you've got to touch my--

Hand?

No.

That'll take us too far back.

Chest?

OK, so if I don't touch your chest, what do I have to touch?

And you have to hold on tight.

You hear me?

Well--

Then grab that onion, girl.

You're actually going to do it?

Just hold my belt. And you dare not let go

or I'll leave you in this rotten old warehouse all night.

Ready?

Let's do it.

Hang on.

Here we go.

I got the feeling that this night getting better.

Yeah, I'm a virgin.

Why do you guys always ask me that?

And we going to get together.

She got some friends.

I got my posse and [inaudible].

No holding back.

Everybody having a good time?

All right.

Well, as you know, here at the Fizzy Pig,

it's a Christmas Eve tradition that after 7

PM, management tends the bar while our staff

get a chance to--

what comes before part B?

Party.

Yeah.

Champagne and beer for everybody.

Best boss ever.

Chaz really knows-- knew how to treat people.

Good role model.

Maybe you should-- - Woo!

We love you.

She's not listening to me.

She's not listening to me.

You're not listening to me.

Oh, wait.

The staff can't get to this side of the bar

until they first get up here for one more dance.

Oh, my God.

That's me.

That's me.

And show them your appreciation.

This is their Christmas bonus.

The bartender with the most dollars at their feet

wins the Fizzy Pig wreath made of $20 bills.

Booyah!

94, by the door.

DJ one time.

Cotton candy, sweet as gold, let me see your Tootsie Roll.

Tootsie Roll.

Just make that Tootsie Roll.

Tootsie Roll.

Just make that Tootsie Roll.

Tootsie Roll.

Let me see that Tootsie Roll.

Tootsie Roll.

Just make that Tootsie Roll.

To the left.

To the left.

To the right.

To the right.

To the front.

To the back.

To the back.

Now slide. - No, no, no.

Not like that.

You need to twerk.

Like this.

Shake it like a Polaroid picture.

To the right.

To the right.

To the right. To the right.

To the front.

To the front.

To the back.

To the back.

Now dip, baby, dip.

Oh.

Well, well, well.

It's obvious who our winner is.

Let's hear it for Tonya.

To Tonya.

To Tonya.

Tonya.

That's all right, girl.

You may have had a better chance if they played Barry Manilow.

I have to pee.

What?

Seriously, I need to pee.

What?

We were having fun out there, no?

Such a small matter to make these silly folks

so full of gratitude.

It isn't that.

No?

Our boss had the power to make us happy.

Paper.

Working here could have been a bitch, but he made it fun.

Until--

Until?

Until Tonya, the black beauty ruined it.

You know that's a horse, right?

Oh.

So she was Black and was better than you, so now brothers

and sisters, watch out.

It's a lifetime of payback from Karen.

Crap.

What?

Well, there's this little girl that lives next door

and I may have gotten her mom arrested.

What the butt?

I can explain.

I know what you did, but I can't

wait to hear your version.

Never mind.

Just let me finish.

Can you just get off.

Easy.

You're like riding a bull.

Let me finish.

OK, hold on tight or you know what will happen.

I will but it's kind of hard to do that

and reach around for myself.

Try this.

Take your free hand and grab here.

I'm trying, but I'm not a contortionist.

OK, this isn't working.

I'll tell you what.

Just go ahead and take all of this.

But it's so damn little.

You got it?

OK, now pull.

Gently.

Gently.

What the fu--

About yanked my ear off.

It's a clip on.

As long as that earrings on somewhere, we're good.

You don't have to touch anything.

Why didn't we do that from the beginning?

And wash your hands.

- We still at the Fizzy Pig? - No.

Look closer.

Same place, different time.

Chaz sold out, but you stayed on to work

for the new owner who turned the frickin' awesome

Fizzy Pig into the--

I can't even say it.

Pigtails Beauty Salon.

This is going to be interesting.

Karen, you took all the paper towels.

Karen, that's not fair. I've been here all day.

I'm tired.

OK?

It's Christmas Eve.

Jackie's closing early today and I'm not staying a minute later.

I've got a party to go to and so do you.

Oh, so you're just going to leave

Mrs. Benowitz here like that?

You-- no.

You let her in here 10 minutes before closing

without an appointment.

She's a three hour job.

And your boss would like you to finish that lucrative job.

And as your supervisor--

Supervisor?

OK.

Listen, sis, I joined this freak show to help make you

look good in front of Jackie.

Because you know how I can do the do.

Oh, right.

You're Sherwin-Williams because you can do--

Any color.

Yes.

But Karen, this poor woman came in here looking for directions

to the kosher deli.

And you talked her into a dye job

so that you could show off for Jackie.

Todd, I swear to God--

Jackie.

Oh, what up biatch?

You got another mare in the chair.

You make that coin, care bear.

That's right.

She was a rough one.

Had a whole lot going on here.

She was everything I wanted to be.

Always looked out for number one.

Knew how to work the system.

Screw everybody else.

I learned everything from her.

Hey, Todd.

Hi, Michael.

What about Chaz?

The greatest boss ever.

He was fun and all, but Jackie was fierce.

There's a difference between fierce and ferocious.

Mr. Deliveryman, I am not going to accept this package.

There is a scrape on the back.

That's just a scratch on the box.

Inside, it should be just fine.

Return it.

And tomorrow, I am going to call the company

and I am going to get a full refund.

And I am going to get a free order

because of my inconvenience.

There's standing up for your rights,

and then there's just not right.

And then I'm going to call your manager

and I'm going to report you for manhandling my packages

like yesterday's garbage.

And here, I thought that you people were

supposed to be gentle and tidy.

That was cold.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

It's just--

Don't embarrass me, Todd.

I have been tolerating you being queer since you

were eight years old.

And now you're only defending this fairy because you--

Well, I am offended for everyone.

Karen, can you not see what you're turning into?

It's better than who you are.

I'm done.

I am done.

I quit.

You can't quit.

You're fired.

Look at you.

You are going places.

Now, you are going to have to take care of Mrs. Benowitz.

And try to get her to pay cash.

Boy, those people always carry cash.

And I've got about a million Christmas parties to get to.

But don't worry, I'm going to get to your little progressive.

So I'll see you later.

Ta ta and ho ho, ho.

Merry Christmas to me.

She's going to my party and she--

Yeah, whatever.

Entitled white woman.

Your parents messed you up, but that Jackie--

I want to go home.

I have more stuff.

Like, don't you want to see when your mom and dad--

What? Died?

And ultimately, abandoned me like everybody else.

No, I don't.

I was going to say got you a car for Christmas.

I didn't need a car.

I needed them.

OK, take off the earring.

Give it here.

So you can jump from place to place.

Yeah.

I was just messing with you back there.

It was fun walking around and driving

and stuff until things got heavy with your brother and Jackie.

Well, got to go.

Wait, no.

What?

Oh.

This is just a dream, right?

Karen, considering that I am the embodiment of all things

you've grown to diminish, disdain and detest,

I guess it's more of a nightmare.

OK, good.

It's just a nightmare.

Totally fake.

All in the past.

Where's my Xanax?

Joy to the world, the Lord is come.

Let Earth receive her King.

Let every heart prepare Him room.

Come in.

And heaven and nature sing.

And heaven and nature sing.

And heaven and nature sing.

And heaven--

and heaven and nature sing.

I love this stuff.

It cleans and disinfect.

Hey, that's my robe.

I know, right?

Thank you for the present.

Do you get it?

Do you see what I did there?

Thank you for the present.

Right.

Because you're the ghost of Christmas--

Present.

Yes, that's right.

You're not dumb, Karen.

That's not why everyone hates you.

What?

Who hates me?

I'll kill him.

Right.

Now this is the problem.

It's all that attitude.

It's giving people stank face.

Oh.

And you can stop it right now with that RBF.

Come on.

You-- the Resting Bitch Face.

I don't--

that's is where I carry my tension.

Oh, OK.

You can tell yourself all you want, dear.

But you've got loads of ways to fix that these days.

Creams, injections.

I didn't have that.

I died young.

It was a blessing really.

All right, whatever.

I can't think of anyone who doesn't

think I am a terrific person.

Karen, you do make me laugh.

Fine.

Show me all the people I've pissed off.

Ooh, all right.

Let's get down to it.

Grab hold of my robe.

- My robe. - My robe.

- Mine. - It's mine.

I found it in your bedroom and I put it on.

And now it's mine. It looks good on me.

I got it complimentary after arguing

with the manager of the hotel.

He gave it to you to get rid of you.

Don't kid yourself, Karen.

Whatever.

Hold on.

Oh, do you see what I did there?

I said hold on.

But I meant like, wait.

Not like hold on hold on to my robe.

Wow.

Intense.

English language.

This way.

Please, don't cut through the bushes.

Shortcut.

Look at this.

This is fantastic, Karen.

Thank you.

We're going to need some room for takeoff, so--

yep, this looks all right.

Here.

Hold on.

Fine.

Let's go!

Oh.

What the hell happened?

I saw the Earth from up there and now we're back at my house.

Oh.

No, we're at your neighbor's house.

See, that's the property line.

We were over there and now we're here.

Why?

What do you mean, Karen?

Why space flight?

Well, because when you have all of this,

you might as well use it, you know?

Now let's walk through a wall.

Ow.

You have to hold on to this, Karen.

You ain't Slimer.

Oh, God.

I didn't know anybody was home.

Calm down, Karen.

They can't see or hear you.

But in the past, they could see us.

The past is Gary's thing, all right?

Gary?

Yes, Gary.

We have names, you know?

What's your name?

It doesn't matter.

Listen, I need you to focus.

Focus, all right?

As long as you hold on to my robe--

My robe.

My robe-- they can't see or hear you.

And we can walk through walls and stuff.

It's like we're voyeurs.

Now look, what you've done to that little girl.

Mommy, I'm scared.

What are you scared of, baby?

Ms. Karen.

Our neighbor?

Dickens is scared of her too.

See?

Why.

Ms. Karen said they're going to slap

her ass while you're in jail.

What?

Because of me.

Honey, that is not going to happen.

I don't think that's what Ms. Karen meant.

Come here.

Did she just say bitch?

Dog.

I'm sure she was talking about the dog.

Now, Dad's getting cleaned up, so

let's get you ready for tonight, the light show on Jeater Bend.

We need to check it out tonight because tomorrow

night, guess who's going to be their Christmas angel?

- Me. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, and be sure to grab your money for Candy Cane Lane.

Will Ms. Karen be there?

Honey, I know Ms. Karen can be a bit cranky sometimes,

you know, because she's old.

Yeah, old and um--

Rude?

Yeah, and a bit rude and--

And smelly.

What?

Scotty says she smells like a elephant's vajayjay.

Your friend Scotty Smith?

What's a vajayjay?

OK, why are we here?

Shh.

It's just getting good.

Why are we here, please?

You're getting distracted.

Here.

Take this side.

Oh, great.

Another bathroom.

We're here because you need to open your eyes.

Oh, they're open.

What?

Oh.

Will you focus?

OK, baby, let's open up these curls, OK?

Honey, the doctors told us this would happen.

Your hair is beautiful, but it's just hair.

It will grow back, I promise.

Tonight, let's give it a bow.

Yeah?

It's Christmas Day tomorrow.

I'll wear a hat to church, Mommy.

I want the people to think about baby Jesus, not worry about me.

That's your job.

You are so right about that.

And I don't want nobody taking my job.

Let's take your special medicine, baby.

Nice robe.

What?

You know, what's--

what's wrong with, um--

You don't know her name, do you?

How long have you been neighbors?

I don't know. About--

Five years.

That's right.

Nia.

Nia.

OK, so what's wrong with Nia?

Leukemia.

She's on a cocktail of pills that are definitely going

to make her hair fall out.

But if she stays on the treatment,

she's got a fairly good chance.

I didn't know that.

Well, did you know that this

is just about the last of the pills because money's dried up.

They've got three mortgages on this house

and she can forget about any presents tomorrow morning,

because now they have to choose between meds and food.

So I've got some work to do at the office.

And I will try to see two at the late show after.

Oh, Daddy, I almost forgot.

On your way to work, could you take

this letter to the big mailbox?

Sure.

I put two stamps on it so it should get there really fast.

I didn't send anything earlier because Santa is really busy.

But now, I'm kind of freaking out.

OK, Nini.

It should make it there tonight easy.

Don't open it.

It's for Santa.

Oh, right.

Sorry.

All right, baby.

Get your boots on.

I'm going to be right back, OK?

OK, Mommy. Bye, Daddy.

Bye, baby.

They're going to read the letter.

They're going to read the letter.

This way.

Ow.

You let go of my robe.

My robe.

Nia. - He's coming.

He's coming.

Grab it.

Oh.

Sorry about that.

Oh, come on.

That was weird.

Sounded like Karen from next door was--

what's the matter, honey?

I know that Mommy and Daddy help you get presents.

And I know they don't have money because of me.

So if you have any leftovers kids don't want,

I'll give them a home.

Oh, my god, my baby.

And if one of the leftovers happens to be a skateboard,

that would be fun.

Most of all, please talk to God so my family

can be happy again.

We have to get her to something, anything.

I have to go.

I'll come home.

OK, Christmas angel, let's go.

Can't they just get her a skateboard or whatever by--

By what?

By selling some things?

Robin here has become an expert at eBay,

selling anything they can spare.

And Nia was trying to help her mom

and dad by selling some hot chocolate

and spreading Christmas cheer.

But, no.

Some old--

OK, I didn't know.

Well, you need to know that you don't know.

And you're random acts of unkindness

ain't working, as wonderfully narcissistic as they are.

Yeah, well, I don't even know that word.

You should.

So what's going to happen to her?

To Nia?

Well, if she stops taking the medication, she's going to be--

what was it you always say?

Toast.

Toast.

Toast.

Bugger.

We're going to be late for the annual toast.

Let's go.

Son of bitch!

Don't do that again.

To--

Todd.

my sister Karen.

May she have a very Merry Christmas.

Cheers.

To Karen.

It's a nice place.

It looks like Todd's still with what's his name.

Michael.

Arrogant kale.

This mojito needs more vodka.

Really.

A mojito is made with rum, Todd.

He hasn't changed at all.

Toddy, you know I love you so much.

And every Christmas Eve, we toast

to our friends and family.

Yes.

And you always raise a glass to your sister Karen, but--

But what?

But when was the last time you seen her?

Texted her?

Talk to her?

I mean, well, you know, she's kind of a--

Kind of a what?

You know.

Well, stick up for me, brother.

Kind of-- excuse me.

She's kind of a evil queen.

So does that make you "Snow White?"

Oh, right.

Or maybe [inaudible],, a demon that eats children's eyeballs.

Yeah, Karen would eat a children's eyeball.

I would-- yes.

You know, she walks in a room, it's very Darth Vader tone.

Yeah.

It's the mouth breathing.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, very much.

You know what she reminds me of?

You in "Lord of the Rings" there's

that-- that giant tower that's just an

eyeball that's like staring, looking

for issues to complain about.

She reminds-- she reminds me of someone

that needs surgery to fix everything about her face.

Kind of like an Ursula.

Yes.

Ursula could go for surgery.

Or Cruella de Vil.

- Whoa. - Sure.

Sure.

Well, Disney villains notwithstanding, I was

thinking more of the Grinch.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Am I right?

There you go.

To my sister Karen, not quite a nun if you're comparing,

more like the Grinch.

You can't stop staring.

A real hot mess.

Um--

And let's hope that she's barren.

Baby.

I'm going to go turn this mojito into a margarita.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I know you laugh right now to keep from crying.

I don't blame her for resenting me.

What?

Growing up, she took the brunt of the abuse.

She got into so many fights defending me.

Sadness, anger, resentment.

It takes a toll on a person.

She hides behind--

I miss her.

I miss the old Karen.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, look, someday you're entitled,

arrogant sister will come around.

Entitled?

Arrogant?

What have I ever said that is entitled or arrogant?

Can I see your manager?

Do you know how much money I spend at this place every week?

You're in America, speak English.

Go back to where you came from.

That doesn't apply to me.

I'm being discriminated against.

Do you know who I am?

All Lives Matter.

You lost my business forever.

I mean, really.

Have you listened to yourself, Karen?

Like really listened to yourself?

My brother hates me.

He doesn't hate you.

He feels sorry for you.

Come on.

I want to show you something.

Calm down, Karen.

I'm not going to launch you into the sky this time.

Look.

Come on.

You're not holding my robe and everyone can see you.

My robe.

My robe.

My robe.

All right, let's see what your neighborhood is up to.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you decking the halls?

Are you ready for Christmas?

We'll be having a ball.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you having some fun.

Are you ready for Christmas?

It's only just begun.

Oh.

Oh.

Look at this beauty.

Bring [inaudible] pride and joy.

These people are nuts.

These people are your neighbors.

Really?

Yeah.

I never drive-through this part of town.

What's that up ahead?

Oh, no.

You don't want to see any more of this flash and trash.

I never called it that.

You do make me laugh, Karen.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you decking the halls?

Are you ready for Christmas?

You'll be having a ball.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you having some fun?

Are you ready for Christmas?

It's only just begun.

Oh.

Oh.

It's only just begun.

The lights on Jeater Bend.

Behold, the wonderment of a multicolored tinkling display

of mechanized electronic joy.

It's indescribably beautiful.

It reminds me of the 4th of July.

Too bad it's going to be shut down permanently after tonight.

What?

Unfortunately, someone said this abomination

was breaking the noise ordinance and causing

traffic to slow down.

Oh, and then they threatened to sue.

Oh.

Yeah, apparently, some people have to rush home to get to--

now remind me, Karen, what is it you have

to rush home to get to again?

Exactly.

You didn't even know what this was.

And because it minorly inconvenienced you,

you shut it down.

So they support a different charity every night?

Yeah.

Isn't that nice?

Oh, and guess he was supposed to be tomorrow night.

Mm-hmm.

Well, that ain't happening.

Oh, look.

We're just in time to see them break the news to little Nia.

So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Booyah.

Bet you feel like poop on a platter now, don't you?

Hmm?

Next up, a bawdy bordello.

Giddy up, little red.

Yeehaw!

That's not a bordello.

It's the homeless mother's shelter.

Yep.

You got it.

And guess who works--

correction, worked at the shelter.

Oh, for god's sakes.

Seriously?

What do I have to do with the homeless mother's shelter?

That house for street walkers, let it die and be done with it.

Abstinence.

OK, I know what I said.

Don't make me dredge up the past again, Karen.

That's Gary's job.

Am I too late to drop off packages?

Well, it's Christmas Eve.

Um--

I know.

I know I'm very late, but I hope somebody can use these.

I'm sure they could.

Thank you so much.

And Merry Christmas.

Yes, uh, Merry Christmas.

So what happens to, um--

to-- - Chris.

His name is Chris.

So what happens?

Ugh.

I do the present, Karen.

I don't do the t.

That's Gary's gig.

And I definitely don't do what Damon does.

Damon?

Who's Damon?

What am I doing?

He just broke into that donation box.

He did?

He's stealing those gifts.

Karen.

Who does he think he is?

Karen.

You're going there again.

Read the room.

Haven't you learned anything?

I've learned that my next door neighbor is a common criminal.

I should have known better.

Thief.

Everyone can see and hear you, Karen.

If you're so eager to judge, why don't you run after him

and make that citizen's arrest.

What?

No.

I didn't mean it.

OK.

So instead, go home.

Do what your neighbors do.

Try to treat every day as though it's a gift.

You know that's why they call it--

The present.

Exactly.

Ta ta, Karen.

My robe.

00.

I'm up.

Hi, um, Karen, right?

I'm Damon.

I'm the ghost of future Chris--

right.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

It was just a dream.

- What do you want from me? - I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Joy told me she was done with you.

And Gary was way done with you.

And Coochie Chain-- we call her Coochie Chain--

she told me to be here right at 9:00.

So I thought that--

Wait.

That last ghost, her name was Joy?

Is Joy.

Yeah, ghost of present.

Like jump for joy, which I would never--

I would never jump for joy.

Or like feeling merry, which I would also never do,

by the way.

Um, yeah, no.

OK, the first ghost, his name was Gary?

And you're Damon, god the future?

Hell no.

Ghost, not god.

That would be radical.

But yeah, no.

Ghost of Christmases yet to come.

Yeah.

And you're the last of the ghostly trio?

Those guys are more associated with Casper.

Yeah, sure.

Well, Damon, I'm getting really tired

of you and your friends haunting me

or whatever it is that you're doing.

You've dredged up my past.

You show me things in the present that

made me feel really depressed.

Let's just get this over with so I can get my beauty sleep.

Sorry, yeah.

OK, sorry.

I'll show you how this works.

What do I have to touch?

Huh? Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Touch this.

I'm kidding.

You don't have to touch anything.

You just have to walk through via the void.

The what?

The void.

Oh, by the way, you, uh, might want to wear these.

No.

I would not be caught dead in those.

I just--

OK, sure.

Uh, follow me to experience the shadows of what will be.

The future is looking bright.

Whoa.

That was me.

Sorry.

Bad hip.

Damon?

Damon?

This didn't work at all.

It's not working.

Damon?

Where are you?

I fear you were not the little specter I have seen,

yet I will bear your company.

Will you not speak to me?

Oh.

They can't hear or see us.

That's, like, my thing.

They can't?

There are Mexicans in my living room.

Actually, they're Puerto Ricans.

Like, not the same thing at all, by the way.

Your void isn't working, it just allowed enough time

for a home invasion.

No see, the void did work.

Shadows of the future.

This is just one year in the future

and these are the new homeowners.

Oh.

Just so happened to move in a few days ago.

Impossible.

They're sitting on my favorite couch.

I would never sell that couch to anyone, let alone those people.

You know, them.

Right.

Well, in this future, with the path you're currently on,

they get your couch.

I hope I hosed them for it.

What else happens?

Follow me and I'll show you.

Can't we just walked through a wall or something?

No, no, no, no, no.

That's only Joy's thing.

I also can't do Gary's clap thing either.

All I have is the void.

And remember, they came hear or see you, so yeah.

That's pretty much it.

OK.

Got it.

You guys need to standardize or something.

Spirit, why do you take me to this forsaken place?

What are they saying?

I don't know.

I don't speak Spanish.

Oh, no.

Spirit, no!

No!

No!

You know we speak English in America.

Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

Force of habit.

Don't walk through the bushes.

The Christmas lighted bushes.

What?

They're gone too?

Wonder what happened to them.

Well, for that, we're probably going to have

to back it up a few weeks.

It's still the future, just, uh, earlier in the future.

I'm authorized.

OK. Sure.

Whatever.

Oh.

I could go for some chocolate.

Hey Damon, you got any cash on you?

What happened?

Karen, you know.

Joy told you.

They couldn't continue Nia's medication.

They tried everything.

No one they knew had the means to afford that stuff.

No.

No.

You're just trying to scare me, freak me out.

Then go check for yourself.

They won't see you.

Why?

Why?

No.

No.

No.

I can't do it.

Get me out of here.

OK.

Don't help me up.

Oh, right.

I am invisible and can't be heard.

But I can listen in.

We're now about two weeks into the future,

so I don't want you to think that they're talking about--

Shh.

Dish the dirt, ladies.

I don't know much about it either.

I only know she died.

When did she die?

Yesterday, I think.

What was the official cause?

Cancer.

You know.

No, I know leukemia.

It's going to be a cheap funeral

because I don't know anybody that would want to go to it.

I'm sure she's got little friends.

I'd go if I knew they were feeding us.

No, I'm kidding.

I wouldn't want anybody to see me there.

I wouldn't be caught dead there.

That's not very nice.

That's not very nice.

No.

Not nice at all.

I mean, they're talking that way

about that poor little girl.

Well--

Well, what?

Same time, different place.

La placenta whatever.

Why are we at the Spanish grocery store?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Just to listen in on another conversation.

To listen in on another conversation?

I'm down with that.

OK, this is John and Val Wilde with Bud Burns.

I didn't know they shopped Mexican.

I'm sure Betty's here too.

The Wilds are retired, Betty's a real estate agent,

and Bud is in sales, whatever that means.

This eavesdropping thing is definitely a perk.

No, Val, I think you should get the good stuff.

Go, John.

Not to worry.

It's not like she's going to be drinking it up.

And it is a special occasion.

True.

What's the occasion?

Wait, seriously.

This hasn't clicked with you yet?

Shh.

Val, guys.

So I picked these.

What do you think?

They're beautiful.

Are you taking them all to the funeral home?

No.

I thought I would save this one for the grave.

And the rest would look really good on my kitchen table.

They're going to the funeral.

I didn't know they knew her.

Oh, they knew her.

But I doubt they're going to the funeral.

So we could just swing by, pay our respects

and celebrate at home.

Should we go there?

Isn't that going to be kind of awkward?

John's right.

We didn't really know her.

It's the least you could do.

And it's not like she'll miss us?

She died and they're making jokes?

They're not making jokes about her.

Did you not see that?

Did you not hear that?

Bud and Betty and John and Val and Mary and Kimber,

for that matter, they aren't talking about Nia.

Karen, somebody else's died.

Really?

Who?

You.

OK, who put me in a tracksuit?

Seriously?

Yeah, well, the tracksuit, the staff

here wanted to make it look like you passed away working out.

When in fact, you electrocuted yourself drinking margaritas.

Which made the headline news and a few late night shows.

And in Florida, of course it was Florida,

a woman met her untimely demise when she was, quote,

wasted away by margaritas spill.

Actually, you made it out of the pool and all the way

to the front of the house.

Surely, somebody saw me laying there?

Well, they did but they thought

you were just cooling off.

How refreshing.

Most of them had encountered you before,

so they weren't going to question

what the heck you were doing.

Hey, what about my little neighbor Nia?

I mean, she's always in her front yard

selling hot chocolate or playing hopscotch.

I never complained about the colored

chalk ruining the sidewalk and chasing butterflies.

Do you not understand?

There is no Nia.

She couldn't save you because there was

no one there to help save her.

Break time.

And no one's coming to my funeral, are they?

Why should they?

Well, you're not going to see the Burnses.

And Betty's at your house getting

it ready to be sold to that nice Puerto Rican family.

Fully furnished.

And then they're going to go out

and celebrate with the Wilds.

You're not going to see Mary or Kimber either.

They really didn't like you.

So that's it?

I die and they're just done with me.

My life is meaningless.

It was meaningless.

And now nothing, nobody.

Nobody.

Well, not exactly nobody.

These flowers came from somebody.

Hello?

Oh, now I feel like shit.

I can't let them see me in a tracksuit.

Why is she doing this to herself?

Why are you doing this to yourself, honey?

Right.

What he said.

Nobody deserves to die young, whether you're seven or 57.

She meant 47.

She's just upset.

You're such a sweet woman for caring about a person who

was very, very hard to like.

Believe me, I know.

Yeah, she was a hot mess.

I would know, she was my sister.

I'm so sorry that you heard that.

No, you're right.

She was really hard to like.

She was so mean, Taylor Swift probably

wrote a song about her.

Well, we're sorry for your loss.

How did you know Karen?

She was our neighbor.

Um, we just had our own--

I'm sorry.

Karen's accident happened shortly

after our daughter passed.

Oh, my God.

And we felt paying our respects

to your sister on the holidays was the best thing to do.

Because it's what Nia would have wanted.

Excuse us.

Thanks.

It's OK.

I'm with Nia now.

Well--

Well, hell no.

Damon, tell me is this the future

or just a possible future?

No, no, no.

No, Damon.

Listen said to me.

I am not the woman that I was.

I can't be that person that I must have been, I think.

Why would you show me all this if I'm a lost cause?

Tell me.

I can change what you've shown me.

That I can alter my life.

It's Christmas for Christ's sake!

Look I get it.

I'll try not to be so--

so Karenish.

I promise to never ask for a manager ever again.

No more threatening to sue children.

And I won't tell people to go back to their country.

Please, don't leave me like this.

Don't leave me like this.

Don't leave me like this.

Don't leave me like this.

Don't leave me like this.

Sweet White Jesus.

Just kidding.

Oh, Jackie.

Thank you.

I'm going to live in the past, present and the future.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I just don't know what to do.

I feel light as a feather.

I still feel great.

There's my wine glass.

The ice cream is gone.

The counters, they're so clean.

It really happened.

It's true.

Oh.

Joy, Gary, Damon.

Oh, I don't know what day it is.

How long have I been out?

I don't know anything.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, young man.

Could you tell me what day is it?

Uh, Christmas.

It's Christmas Day.

The spirits did it all in one night.

Yes, they have.

Thank you.

Sure thing, lady.

Wait.

Did you get that skateboard for Christmas?

This cheap-- no.

Would you consider selling it?

Well--

I have $300 in my sock drawer.

Deal.

OK.

Don't-- don't go anywhere.

Just wait.

Stay.

Don't leave.

I'll be right back.

I'll wrap it up and put it on Nia's front porch.

Better yet.

I'll present it to her myself.

$100?

There's supposed to be three.

Damn!

$300.

One, two, three.

$300.

Well, thanks, lady.

Thank you.

I love the Orientals.

Asians.

I mean Asians.

I can give this to Nia tonight.

Tonight. tonight.

Hot damn, tonight.

No, this afternoon.

Yes. Wait.

No.

I have to get out of these.

I have to get to the Christmas breakfast tradition.

Oh, come let us find wine here.

Oh, come let us find wine here.

I'll settle for some cheap beer.

I'm sure in this gloriously diverse neighborhood,

a grocery store will be open.

I feel like a tourist.

I feel like in alien.

It's making me nervous.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.

It's like I'm a little crazy and I don't know what else to do.

Well, I just got to right back to you.

I feel like a tourist.

I feel like-- feel like-- feel like a tourist.

Tourist.

Tourist.

Tourist.

I feel like a tourist.

I feel like a tourist.

I feel like a alien.

It's making me nervous.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.

It's like I'm a little crazy and I don't know what else to do.

Well, I've just got to get right back to you.

Whoops.

Sorry.

My fault. I'll buy these.

You can never have enough.

Spicy Mexican braised pork brains.

Clean up at register four.

It'll go perfect with my Christmas goulash.

My Christmasy pot of--

any who.

Do you have any coupons?

Nope.

I'm paying full boat for the lot.

Yep.

Would you like to--

I'm sorry what?

No, go ahead, uh, Caroline.

Go ahead and ask me.

Would you like to donate $1 to help save

the homeless mother's shelter?

No, I would not like to donate $1 to help

the homeless mother shelter.

I would like to donate $1,000.

No.

$5,000.

Just whatever you can get out of this.

I'll have to call--

Call her.

Call her.

I'll call her.

Assistant manager to register, uh, four.

And Merry Christmas everyone, even the Muslims.

I see you.

I'm Hindu.

Happy day of Christ.

Can I, uh, help you again, ma'am?

Yes, uh, Christina.

Oh, like Christmas.

Nice.

I would like to pay for these and donate

$5,000 to the homeless mother's shelter.

And give $100 each to you and Caroline for your trouble.

Can you do that?

Of course she could do that.

She's the manager on duty.

Well, Merry Christmas.

Just the two of us.

Or not.

Who is it?

Oh, my God. It's my sister.

Open up, Todd.

I know you're in there.

Brother.

Oh, my.

Christmas breakfast?

You kept up the family tradition.

Hello, Michael.

Mimosas anyone?

Karen, what a surprise.

Oh, my goodness.

You really cleaned up the table since last night.

And vodka mojitos?

Todd, seriously?

Listen, Sis.

Why are you here?

Yeah, with all due respect, you disowned Todd.

You didn't even show up for our wedding.

Yeah.

That.

Todd, when Mom and Dad died, I really lost my way.

And it should have been more like you.

And Michael, I'm so, so sorry.

I've been a real a-hole.

A horrible sister.

A heinous sister-in-law.

And you're right, an entitled, arrogant heterosexual.

And they're right.

I'm a swamp donkey.

A nasty toad ass.

Snatch canyon.

Bitchasaurus.

Vampy skuzz bucket.

A raging water demon.

The eye from "Lord of the Rings."

And a elephants vajayjay.

The Grinch.

Harry Chewbacca.

You forgot sagging Skittle tits.

OK, Twinkie.

Twinkie?

Please don't ever disown me again.

I promise.

Promise.

I understand now.

I do.

I do.

I understand what ignorance and want can do to me.

I'm so, so sorry.

Mimosas, everyone.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Cheers.

New Year's dinner at my house.

- Great. - Let's do it.

I can't wait for you to meet the neighbors.

They have an adorable daughter, Nia.

She's very ill, but she's just such a cute little doll.

I know just what to do.

Mr. Scrooge.

Yes, that is my name.

I fear it may not be pleasant to you.

If you will, do me the goodness of--

Hold the line, men.

We should you fall back, Sarge.

Doggonit, soldier.

We must protect the castle painting at all cost.

Look out for the giant robot.

Ah.

Sorry about that, humans.

We come in peace.

We didn't mean to squish you to pieces.

No, we're OK, robot thing.

Join us for brunch.

There's something wrong.

There's something definitely wrong.

What's the matter, Chris?

Look at this.

This doesn't make any sense.

What?

Oh, my God.

The shelter got a $5,000 donation this morning.

Anonymously.

Honey, we've got a guardian angel.

I was just about to sign the foreclosure papers.

If it wasn't Christmas Day, I would--

Baby, listen to me.

These things happen for a reason.

You get to reopen tomorrow and help those homeless mothers

when they need you most.

More donations will follow.

I know they will.

Then you'll be helping those families

while providing for yours.

Even if I could pocket every penny of that money,

I still wouldn't be a tenth of what we need for our baby girl.

Chris, please, don't talk like that.

You would never do such a thing.

I stole those presents, Robin.

No, love.

You borrowed them.

We will replace them.

Don't do this to yourself.

God blessed us.

God also blessed us with a baby girl that needs.

Have faith, my love.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Hey.

It's me, your neighbor.

Can we get a little help out here?

Come see.

What is she--

Hey.

Hey.

Just a couple of boxes on the lawn.

OK?

Ooh, Small Hey, little Dick.

Dickens.

Oh, right.

Little Dickens.

Got something for you.

Here you go.

Fresh from the market.

Oh, you can put that right there.

Right there.

And go ahead and get the next box.

Chop, chop.

Merry Christmas, Nia.

I brought you these boxes of--

I guess you could call them toys.

But they're not fun toys, like your green army man

or whatever that is.

These are collectibles.

Yeah.

Right there.

Right there next to the other box.

And get the box with the blue tape on it.

It shouldn't be in the sun long.

This box is filled with Teddy bears.

But not just any Teddy bears.

These are Steiff bears.

My mom used to collect them like a mad woman.

And then when she passed away and Todd, my brother,

he didn't want have anything to do with them.

But I think they're cute, so I just kept collecting them.

Hi, Nia.

My name is Harry.

He's Mo hair.

Hello, Harry.

I have a button in my ear.

Now this guy is about worth $300 or so.

But this guy-- this 1909 classic,

you're going to get about $1,700, make you holler!

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Keep them coming, Chris.

Oh--

I don't understand.

Oh, well, a friend of a friend of mine

told me that you're really good at selling stuff

on Etsy and eBay or whatever.

Mom's great at it.

She sold all of our stuff.

Perfect.

That's what I want your mom to do.

Sell my stuff.

These are all Teddy Bears?

No.

There's Hummels.

There's Cabbage Patch Kids.

And there's Beanie Babies.

And all together, you're going to get a lot.

Always keep the box they come in.

MIB, Mint in Box, I learned that lesson late in life.

So you want me to sell your things and charge you a fee?

Yeah?

No.

I don't want you to charge anything that--

God, I suck at this.

OK, what I mean is, I want you to sell the stuff

and keep the money.

Get Nia well.

I don't need the money and I can just write it off as a loss.

Ma'am, this-- all this is so nice of you,

but we will get through this.

In fact, we were so blessed today

we got an anonymous donation for the shelter I manage.

You know, it should be enough to cover--

no.

No.

Oh, my God. No.

We cam-- we cannot accept this.

It's-- it's too much.

I'm sorry.

It's-- it's too much.

Nia, love, we will get through this.

OK, babe?

We will get through this.

I promise.

But Mommy, you said this was from a guardian angel.

Baby girl, Mommy and I will think of something.

We will think of something.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Did you just blow off a lifelong arrogant, self-absorbed Karen?

Do you want me to go full Karen on you?

I didn't think so.

Look, it's not about the money.

Last night, a few new friends of mine

had an attitude intervention with me.

And I saw myself.

Elephants for vajayjay.

That was not pretty.

I need your help to be a better me.

Karen, we really appreciate your kindness.

And you seem to be one of those women who go all in when

she's got her mind made up.

Yeah.

Maybe.

You got me.

So I'll tell you what.

I'll help you sell your things and charge you 10%.

- 90. - 20.

- 80. - 40.

60.

50.

And you have to join us for dinner tonight.

Deal.

Oh, I forgot.

I got Nia a Christmas present.

I think I left it right out here.

Don't worry.

It wasn't very expensive.

Only $300 bucks.

I think it's right here.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

At least I didn't get electrocuted.

What?

Any who.

I heard Nia wanted a skateboard.

I think I heard it from Santa Claus or something.

So I searched high and low, and I found her this bad boy.

Wow.

Merry Christmas, Karen.

Merry Christmas, Ms. Karen.

Thanks guys.

Merry Christmas.

God bless you, Karen.

God bless us, everyone.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you decking the halls?

Are you ready for Christmas?

You'll be having a ball.

Are you ready for Christmas.

Are you having some fun?

Are you ready for Christmas?

It's only just begun.

Oh.

Oh.

Are counting down the days till the holidays?

Sleigh bells sing ring-a-ding ding ding.

Are you ready to celebrate?

Everyone is coming home to the merry cheer.

Lights are on.

Can you see them shine?

It's a party now everywhere.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you decking the halls?

Are you ready for Christmas?

You'll be having a ball.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you having some fun?

Are you ready for Christmas?

It's only just begun.

Oh.

Oh.

It's only just begun.

What up, care bear?

That's the wrong line.

Ah!

Sorry.

A bug flew in my ear.

I go dancing around the clock to that jolly bop.

Voices sing Merry Christmas.

Bring me another one.

I don't want to stop.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you decking the halls?

Are you ready for Christmas?

You'll be having a ball.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Are you having some fun?

Are you ready for Christmas?

It's only just begun.

Oh.

Oh.

It's only just begun.

Yeah.

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

Snow's falling down.

The fires blazing bright.

I might be dreaming.

There's an angel in my sight.

Thanks for the present underneath the tree,

but there's something that you missed?

Santa, this girl's the only thing that's on my list.

That's my Christmas wish.

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,

doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

I've been good on year.

I promise I'll believe again, Santa, it if you make it

come true.

Give a guy gift.

If you can make some magic then I got

some milk and cookies for you.

If you want to grant me this wish, that I promise

I won't forget.

Watch and see, I'll be at the top of your list every year

after this request--

whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa-- if you make her mine.

Snow's falling down.

The fire's blazing bright.

I might be dreaming.

There's an angel in my sight.

Thanks for the presents underneath the tree,

but there's something that you missed.

Santa, this girl's the only thing that's on my list.

That's my Christmas--

A woman met her untimely demise when she was, quote--

I lost it.

I'm sorry.

Look, when I found out this woman was from Florida,

I was shocked.

I was just shocked.

I mean, not a shocked that she was.

The only way that this death could have been more Florida

is if she had then been eaten by a Gator

who voted for Ron DeSantis.

She's like a Florida version of a James Bond cocktail,

shaken not stirred.

Snow is falling down.

The fire's blazing bright.

Thanks for the presents underneath the tree,

but there's something that you missed.

Santa, this girl's the only thing that's on my list.

That's my Christmas wish.

Now I'm going to show you what your neighborhood's up to.

Oh, damn it.

Sorry.

Hi, can I help you?

I wish to speak the manager.

Oh, my God.

Why can't I get the line out of my mouth?

OK.

I wish to speak manager.

I feel a tourist.

I feel like an alien.

It's making me nervous.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.

I'm like I'm going a little crazy

and I don't know what else to do.

Well, I just got to get right back to you.

Sometimes when awake, it's like the same old shit,

a different day.

I try to turn my self around.

Sometimes the feelings go away.

I feel I'm underwater, can't my feet on the ground.

World is spinning so fast like it's got me upside down.

I feel like a tourist.

I feel like-- feel like--

I feel like a tourist. Tourist.

Tourist.

Tourist.

I-- I-- I-- I feel like a tourist.

Tourist.

Tourist.

I feel like a tourist.

Whoa.

I feel like a tourist.

I feel like an alien.

It's making me nervous.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.

It's like I'm going a little crazy

and I don't know what else to do.

Well, I just got to get right back to you.

I always try to find the good.

Sometimes it's just hard to do.

Hate is hanging in the air, makes you feel

like it could hate too.

Getting angry isn't someone who I want to be.

Got to keep my head up or I'll never ever see.

Whoa.

I feel like a tourist.

Tourist.

I feel like and alien.

It's making me nervous.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.

It's like I'm a little crazy and I don't know what else to do.

Well, I've just got to get right back to you.