Original subtitles

Captions by VITAC... www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

WHAT?

JOHNNY, I TOLD YOU TO STOP BOTHERING ME!

NO, IT'S ME... BERG.

WHAT?

HE MADE ME DO IT. HE... AAH!

I AM SO SORRY.

LOOK, HONEY, NO, LOOK, I AM LOST WITHOUT YOU.

I MEAN, NOT LITERALLY LOST.

THIS IS THE BASEMENT... I KNOW THAT.

FORGET IT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET'S JUST GET MARRIED... JUST LIKE WE PLANNED.

JOHN, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW BADLY YOU HURT ME LAST NIGHT.

I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.

IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY SLUGGED ME IN THE GUT.

BABY, I KNOW I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.

I KNOW THAT I WAS WRONG.

IF I COULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOUR HURT MY OWN,

I WOULD.

OY!

SEE? IT FELT LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT LONG!

WELL, I'M GLAD IT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE

SOMEONE KICKED YOU IN THE GROIN.

I-I'M SORRY. I AM SO SORRY.

I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME BACK.

YEAH, I AM, TOO.

JUST SORRY I ATE FIRST.

WHERE'S YOUR IDIOT ROOMMATE?

THE VILLAGE RECALLED HIM.

HE TOLD NOMAR

THAT YOU AND I ESCAPED TO ALBANY FOR THE WEEKEND.

NOMAR'S GOING TO THINK WE'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR.

PLEASE! LIKE NOMAR DOESN'T GET CHICKS ON THE ROAD.

Ashley: THERE YOU ARE!

THANKS FOR TELLING NOMAR I WAS WITH MY EX-BOYFRIEND!

I DIDN'T SAY THAT!

I SAID "FORMER LOVER."

PETE, HOW RUDE!

YOU DIDN'T INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR DATE.

HI, I'M ASHLEY.

HI, I'M MARTI.

OH, AND, PETE,

I KNOW THEY MAKE YOU FEEL CONFIDENT,

BUT I NEED MY BRA AND PANTIES BACK.

YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER?

THAT... THAT IS GREAT!

BERG, EVERYTHING I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU,

I COULD SAY WITH ONE FINGER.

LET'S GO.

NO. PETE, LISTEN, YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM, OKAY?

I CAN'T STAND YOU GUYS

NOT BEING FRIENDS BECAUSE OF ME...

AS FLATTERING AS THAT IS.

I'LL WAIT OUTSIDE.

WHAT?

I GOT YOU A LITTLE GIFT.

YOU THINK I'M GOING TO FORGET EVERYTHING

BECAUSE YOU GOT ME A LITTLE GIFT?

WHO LOVES CHOCOLATE?

KEEP TALKING.

I DID A LOT OF THINKING IN ALBANY,

AND I REALIZED... THAT I SCREWED UP, OKAY?

MY LIFE SUCKS LATELY, AND I'M TAKING IT OUT

ON THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.

IT WAS WRONG, AND I REALLY WANT YOU TO FORGIVE ME.

WELL... YOUR LIFE DOES REALLY SUCK.

HE LOVES ME AGAIN.

NO. HE DOES.

NO. NO. YEAH. HE DOES.

NO, NO! HE DOES.

COME ON!

I DIDN'T LIKE YOU DOING THIS WHEN WE WERE GETTING ALONG!

GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE.

HEY, THESE MUST BE GOOD. THERE'S A FAT LADY ON THE FRONT.

BERG, H-HALF THE CHOCOLATES ARE EATEN.

YEAH, I KNOW.

THAT IS HALF THE CALORIES OF A FULL BOX.

YOU... YOU ATE HALF OF MY CHOCOLATES?

THIS IS SO TYPICAL, BERG!

YOU'RE ONLY THINKING OF YOURSELF!

LOOK, WHAT... WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.

AT LEAST I MADE THE FIRST GESTURE.

WHAT A LOUSY GESTURE! WHY DO I KEEP BELIEVING YOU?

WHY DO I THINK THERE'S MORE TO YOU THAN HAIR GEL?

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T WANT TO LET THIS GO.

YOU JUST WANT TO KEEP HOLDING IT OVER MY HEAD

BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER THAN ME.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M WRONG.

AND I HOPE THAT THIS... SHOWS YOU...

HOW... SORRY... I... AM...

YOU INSENSITIVE LITTLE... TWIT!

BIGGER MEN THAN YOU HAVE THROWN CANDY AT ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHEN I GO TO FIREMAN'S TRAINING, I'M NOT COMING BACK!

OH! OH! OH! YOU'RE MOVING OUT?

YEAH! I CONSIDER THIS OUR LAST NIGHT AS ROOMMATES!

YOU'RE LUCKY, BECAUSE OTHERWISE, I'D KICK YOUR ASS!

OH, YEAH? LET'S GO RIGHT NOW!

I SAID IF YOU WEREN'T MOVING OUT.

HEY. HOW'D IT GO?

I THINK I HIT HIM IN THE EYE WITH A CHOCOLATE TURTLE.

OH, COME HERE, BABY.

AAH!

IRENE! ARE YOU OKAY?

DO YOU HAVE ASTHMA? NO, WAIT, MARTI!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

L-LET ME HANDLE THIS. I'LL MEET YOU OUTSIDE.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, IRENE, IRENE, CALM DOWN.

PLEASE... TELL ME... THAT WAS YOUR SISTER.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WOULD MAKE THE SITUATION BETTER,

BUT... IT'S NOT.

LOOK, IRENE, THAT WAS MY DATE,

AND YOU REALLY NEED TO FIND A WAY TO BE OKAY WITH THIS.

IT'S OKAY. I'M OKAY.

YOU SURE?

I'LL BE FINE, REALLY.

ALL RIGHT. THEN I'LL... I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

OKAY, SEE YA.

TURNS OUT PETE LIKES UGLY GIRLS.

BUT SHE JUST CANCELED YOU GUYS YESTERDAY.

HOW COULD YOU ALREADY BE REBOOKED?

WELL, COULDN'T HE GET BURIED ANOTHER DAY?

I-I'M SORRY!

JEEZ, YOU'D THINK I KILLED HIM!

GREAT! NO CHURCH!

THAT'LL GO GREAT WITH NO BANQUET HALL

AND NO FOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?

THIS IS A SIGN.

WE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE A BIG, PLANNED WEDDING.

LET'S GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW.

BABY, I DON'T THINK NO, NO, NO, NO.

DON'T THINK.

THAT'S WHEN WE ALWAYS GET INTO TROUBLE.

THINKING'S BAD.

DON'T YOU THINK... NN-NN-NN, ZH!

THINKING, TALKING, COMMUNICATING...

WE'RE NOT GOOD AT THAT.

LET'S JUST GRAB THE RINGS, GO SEE A JUSTICE OF THE PEACE.

LET'S JUST DO IT BEFORE WE SCREW IT UP.

DO I HAVE TIME TO PUT ON MY WEDDING GOWN?

I'LL DRIVE SLOW.

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

MM! MM!

SUPERINTENDENT DONNELLY, I HAVE A GRIEVANCE.

IRENE, THIS IS REALLY NOT A GOOD TIME.

THIS IS URGENT... A VIOLATION IN THE LEASE AGREEMENT.

IT SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITS PROSTITUTES IN THE BUILDING,

AND PETE'S GIRLFRIEND IS A WHORE.

OKAY, I'M READY. LET'S GO.

HI, SHARON. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

I KNOW... NEXT WEEK. I'M GETTING A PERM.

NO, WE'RE GOING TO GO TO CITY HALL RIGHT NOW.

NO, NO, NO. YOU CAN'T!

YOU ARE STARTING YOUR LIFE TOGETHER.

IT HAS TO BE SPECIAL AND ROMANTIC.

AND FAST. WE GOT TO GO BEFORE WE CHANGE OUR MINDS.

I CAN THROW A WEDDING TOMORROW.

I KNOW A MINISTER WHO WILL DO IT IN A SECOND.

CITY HALL IS NO PLACE FOR A PROPER WEDDING.

WELL... I DO LOOK GREAT IN THIS DRESS,

AND IT'D BE A SHAME TO JUST WASTE IT ON YOU.

OH, THIS IS SO GREAT!

I WILL DO THIS FOR YOU GUYS,

AND THEN WHEN I GET MARRIED, YOU CAN THROW ME MINE.

I THINK WE GOT THE BETTER END OF THAT DEAL.

OKAY, OKAY. SO, 24 HOURS.

CAN WE GO THAT LONG WITHOUT FIGHTING?

WELL, OF COURSE WE CAN, HONEY.

TOGETHER, WE CAN DO ANYTHING.

BUT JUST IN CASE, I'LL SEE YOU IN 24 HOURS.

OKAY, SEE YOU AT THE WEDDING.

JUST THINK... NEXT TIME WE FIGHT,

WE'LL BE MARRIED.

THIS IS... REALLY... GREAT, IRENE.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

UM, NOT TO CRITICIZE,

BUT THIS BEING BOSTON AND JOHNNY BEING IRISH,

WHY MEXICAN?

THE STORE I WORK AT OVERSTOCKED FOR CINCO de MAYO.

ONCE I HAD THE THEME, THE REST JUST FELL INTO PLACE.

SEÑORES, MúSICA, POR FAVO.

WHOA, IRENE, IRENE, DON'T LOOK...

DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT ROBERT GOULET IS ON THE ROOFTOP.

OH, I KNOW. I INVITED HIM.

BOB GOULET! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

TOO FAR FROM YOU, PUMPKIN.

WHOA, WHOA, UH... BOB GOULET IS YOUR DATE?

I'M THE MINISTER.

OH.

YEAH, THINGS WERE KIND OF SLOW IN THE '80s,

SO I GOT MY LICENSE.

I'M ALSO A NOTARY.

JOHNNY, IF THAT'S YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!

IT'S ASHLEY.

OH.

SORRY. YOU HAVE A VERY MANLY KNOCK.

WELL, IRENE SENT ME DOWN TO WAIT WITH YOU.

SHE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

OH, GOD, YES. I AM SO NERVOUS!

OH, GOSH, THAT IS A FABULOUS DRESS!

THANK YOU.

YOU MIND IF WE TURN ON THE GAME?

I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO TALK.

YEAH, BUT NOMAR'S MAD AT ME, AND HE'S GONE INTO A SLUMP.

IF HE DOESN'T SNAP OUT OF IT, HE'S GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME.

YOU GOT ANY MORE OF THOSE?

HERE. I DON'T NEED ANY MORE BEER.

SO, UH, WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

IT'S JUST ALL HAPPENING SO FAST.

YOU KNOW, I JUST WISH MY MOM WAS HERE.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU PLAN THESE WEDDINGS,

LIKE, HUNDREDS OF MINUTES IN ADVANCE,

AND... PEOPLE STILL CAN'T MAKE IT.

I CAN'T AFFORD TO WAIT.

THE PRESSURE'S JUST TEARING US APART.

I THINK WE'LL BE ABLE TO RELAX

AND WORK OUT OUR PROBLEMS ONCE WE'RE LEGALLY TRAPPED.

YOU DON'T MIND IF I WAIT

TO BUY YOU A WEDDING GIFT, DO YOU?

MMM, IRENE, THIS IS REALLY GREAT WEDDING SALSA.

OH, THANK YOU.

INTERESTING STORY...

I GOT THE RECIPE OUT OF THAT... FLOOZY!

HEY, BERG.

HEY, MARTI.

HAVE YOU MET, UM, IRENE?

IRENE, THIS... THIS IS MARTI. SHE'S GOING OUT WITH PETE.

I'LL LET YOU TWO CHAT.

HI, IRENE.

HELLO.

HOW'S YOUR ASTHMA?

BETTER.

LISTEN, I'M GLAD WE HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK.

PETE TOLD ME HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE TO HIM.

HE DID?

YEAH, HE SAID YOU'RE THE KIND OF PERSON

WHO PUTS HER FRIENDS IN FRONT OF ANYTHING ELSE,

AND THAT HE WOULD NEVER, EVER WANT TO SEE YOU HURT.

SO I'M HOPING WE COULD BE FRIENDS.

I... CAN'T... HATE YOU.

I WANT TO, I REALLY DO.

WAIT.

NO, I CAN'T.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

HI.

SO, WOULD YOU MIND TAKING OFF YOUR HAT?

IT'S SCREWING UP MY RECEPTION.

AND IT'S TACKY.

YOU LOOK... RADIANT.

I'VE BEEN DRINKING.

SHARON, I, UH, GOT YOU

AN ENTIRELY UNEATEN BOX OF CHOCOLATES

FOR YOUR WEDDING.

DE-LISH!

WOW!

SUDDENLY THIS IS ALL SO REAL!

YEAH, BEFORE, IT JUST SEEMED LIKE

A PLAY YOU TWO KIDS COOKED UP IN THE BACKYARD.

OH, ALL THESE DECORATIONS!

LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE!

THEY'RE ALL HERE TO WATCH US GET MARRIED!

OKAY, IS THAT ROBERT GOULET?

GENTLEMEN?

OKAY, BERG, REMEMBER. IT'S RIGHT FOOT... LEFT FOOT.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT CHEWING GUM.

LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE, I'D FORGET ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE THAT TIME HAS COME AND GONE.

JUST LIKE OUR FRIENDSHIP.

PETE, GO TO HELL.

CAN I BRING YOUR SOUL BACK FOR YOU?

BOYS... I THINK YOU FORGOT SOMETHING.

Be right back. Just a second.

OKAY, SHAR, IT'S CALLED "THE WEDDING MARCH."

IF YOU DON'T MARCH,

IT'S REALLY MORE OF A WEDDING STAND-AROUND.

I CAN'T MOVE.

YOU CAN'T MO... YOU CAN'T? OKAY.

DO YOU WANT US TO BRING GOULET BACK HERE?

NO.

NO. I HAVE TO TALK TO JOHNNY.

JOHNNY, WE'RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE.

WE'RE RUSHING INTO THIS

JUST TO MAKE SURE WE GO THROUGH WITH IT.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU GOT ME PREGNANT.

IT'S NOT THAT I CAN'T!

LOOK, HONEY...

MAYBE WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS AFTER THE WEDDING.

I THINK YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.

JOHNNY, WE SHOULDN'T BE GETTING MARRIED.

WE CAN'T EVEN BE AROUND EACH OTHER WITHOUT FIGHTING.

YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED.

SEE THAT, HONEY?

YOU LISTEN TO THE MINISTER/ENTERTAINER.

LOOK, A LOT OF COUPLES FIGHT.

SOMETIMES THAT'S BAD.

BUT SOMETIMES THAT JUST MEANS THEY GIVE A DAMN, OKAY?

NOW, JUST ASK YOURSELF A VERY SIMPLE QUESTION...

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES

WITHOUT SEEING EACH OTHER'S FACE IN THE MORNING?

WITHOUT SHARING LAUGHS TOGETHER?

I MEAN, IF YOU DO... WALK AWAY.

BUT IF YOU DON'T... HOLD ON TIGHT.

NEVER LET GO.

I LOVE YOU, MAN! LOVE YOU, PETE!

HEY... DON'T MOVE OUT.

COME ON, MAN. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET RID OF ME THAT EASY!

GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN...

CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THEIR WEDDING?

I MEAN, UH,

WE'LL MARRY YOU GUYS LATER, WHEN IT'S LEGAL.

WELL?

I LOVE YOU, SHARON... WITH ALL MY HEART.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

SO... YOU DIG HER... AND SHE DIGS YOU.

SO YOU, UH... WANT TO?

OH, I'M IN. OH, ME TOO!

ALL RIGHT, BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME

BY THE PEQUOT TRIBE,

PROUD OWNERS OF THE FOXWOODS CASINOS,

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE.

GO GET HER, TIGER.

♪ CAN YOU HEAR THE DRUMS, FERNANDO? ♪

♪ I REMEMBER LONG AGO ANOTHER STARRY NIGHT LIKE THIS ♪

WELL, IRENE, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU AND I

ARE THE ONLY ONES NOT DANCING.

YEP.

YEP.

IRENE, IRENE, WE CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH

FOR THROWING SUCH A GREAT WEDDING!

YEAH, IT WAS FANTáSTICO!

IT'S ROBERT GOULET!

I KNOW!

IRENE, I DIDN'T THROW THE WEDDING BOUQUET,

BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT.

OH...

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE SOMEBODY VERY HAPPY SOMEDAY.

Thank you. Thank you.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO SLIP OUT, TOO.

WE GOT TO GET ON THE ROAD TO FIREMAN BOOT CAMP.

I WILL, UH, SEE YOU IN THREE MONTHS.

AND REMEMBER, FIRE... BAD.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU, BERG.

I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS AREN'T FIGHTING

ABOUT US DATING ANYMORE.

ME, TOO.

IT'S JUST LIKE KISSING MY SISTER.

WELL, BYE, IRENE.

YOUR GIRL IS LOVELY, PETER.

YOU, UH, YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?

YEAH, I THINK I AM.

OKAY.

LISTEN, IRENE, I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW,

IF IT WASN'T FOR MARTI...

IT'D BE ME. I KNOW.

OKAY... UH...

WELL, HATE TO EAT, DROP, AND ROLL, BUT...

IT'S, UH, FIREMAN HUMOR.

NO, IT'S NOT.

DON'T! STOP IT! NO, DON'T!

DON'T... DON'T CRY, IRENE, OKAY?

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY.

WHY ARE YOU SAD?

BECAUSE EVERYONE IS LEAVING, YOU KNOW?

SHARON'S LEAVING WITH JOHNNY. PETE'S LEAVING WITH MARTI.

YOU KNOW, IF ONE MORE PERSON LEAVES,

I'M GOING TO LOSE IT.

WELL, THANK YOUR ROOMMATE FOR ME, BERG.

BECAUSE OF HIM, I HAVE TO BLOW ALL OF MY VACATION TIME

AND FLY TO CLEVELAND TO SMOOTH THINGS OVER WITH NOMAR.

WELL, THAT DOESN'T COUNT.

OKAY, ONE LAST SONG.

THIS ONE IS DEDICATED

TO A LITTLE LADY WITH A BIG HEART.

THIS IS FOR YOU, IRENE.

AMIGOS... ♪ ERES Tú ♪

♪ COMO EL AGUA DE ME FUENTE ♪

I WAS AN IDIOT TO THINK I COULD COMPETE WITH MARTI.

I MEAN, SHE'S DECENT, KIND,

YOU COULD CRACK AN EGG ON THAT BUTT.

WELL, I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW, IRENE.

I THINK YOU'RE AN AMAZING PERSON.

DON'T TEASE ME.

NO, I'M SERIOUS.

LOOK... LOOK WHAT YOU DID HERE.

YOU KNOW? ALL JUST TO HELP OUT SOME FRIENDS.

THAT'S A PRETTY ATTRACTIVE QUALITY.

WELL, THANK YOU, SIR.

YOU KNOW, I NEVER NOTICED

BECAUSE PETE'S LIGHT SHONE SO BRIGHTLY, BUT...

WELL, YOU'RE QUITE A HANDSOME MAN.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, IT IS THE LAST SONG.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO DANCE?

NO, IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW.

NO? NO.

♪ COMO UNA GUITARRA EN LA NOCHE ♪

♪ COMO MI HORIZONTE ERES Tú, ERES Tú ♪

♪ ASí, ASí ERES Tú ♪

IRENE, WE CAN'T DO THIS.

NO, THIS IS... THIS IS WRONG.

I KNOW. THIS IS WRONG.

I KNOW. YEAH, THIS IS WRONG.

I KNOW.

THAT'S THE STUFF.